Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

Ishaz’s eyes grew wide.

“I’m what?” he asked.

“You are a well hung zebra stallion now, babe.”

He stood a at least an eighth taller than me – comfortably taller, just like when we were both human.

Ishaz put his head down and looked aftwards under his belly in the fading light. For a moment he stared.

“Sonofa…” he swore.

“So much for your nice tidy lady bits!”

“It’s fuckin’ huge. What is this feeling? Am I going to do something stupid?”

“No! You’re confused and shaken up, but you’re gonna be fine. You served Aphrodite and are wise in matters of love. This is just your first time seeing it like this.”

“I don’t know what to–”

“It’s okay, honey. We’re both dudes now – and you’re in luck because I am unusually well qualified to be your wingpony, and help you get used to it. Listen, I’m sorry for dragging you here without asking first. It was the only way to keep you alive, but I should have let you choose.”

“Are you kidding? No, I’m glad, I really wanted to come along. I just never knew how to ask for so much, for a whole new life. I tried to ask you and chickened out.”

“Really? What an absolute idiot I am! I am so glad you are here, and alive. Speaking of being alive, and more specifically staying that way, lets start walking. I don’t have a sword on me and the Everfree Forest can be a little dicey at night. Zecora is perfectly capable of leaving no track but she’s made it easy for us to follow her.”

I led the way, tracing the trail. A corner of a hoof-print here, a bent stem of grass there.

“Who is she? Tell me about Zecora, she’s so beautiful.”

“She’s a foreigner in Equestria. Uh, she’s a zebra obviously. She lives here in the Everfree forest, which is a place many ponies are scared of. She’s an alchemist and herbalist, a licensed shaman, she does some fortune telling but that’s just a side gig. She helps keeps the small monsters in the forest under control and does a brisk trade in potions. She made that gourdful of clop salve that I used on some of our patients in the shrine. Um, also some ponies don’t like zebras, by the way. But if anypony ever gives you any trouble Twilight and I have your back one hundred percent, nopony civilized has any tolerance for racism.”

“Have I ever tolerated any bullshit from anyone?”

“Never that I am aware of!”

—

“This is insane” Ishaz said, still crashing along behind me as I slipped through the gathering darkness. “It’s a totally different feeling than what I felt for you. I spent years falling in love with you, this was like wham.”

“And you know full well that relationships can start either way.”

“Yea, but what can I tell her? ‘We’ve never met before but I love you’ – who’s gonna believe that?”

“That’s a tough one,” I agreed. “But sometimes—”

“Ha. Nobody would ever fall for that, even if it was true!”

“I got a story to tell you some day, but for now, how about you stick to the simple truth? Who, and what, you are and have been. Where you come from. That you are very shaken up and very confused right now but find her intriguing in a way that you have never experienced before. Zecora is wise and gracious. I definitely recommend the truth.”

“Can you do most of the talking? I think I would mumble and stutter like an imbecile.”

“I’ll break the ice for you. You’ll be fine.”

“What if she thinks I’m just a horny jerk? A mare like her ‘sgotta turn a lot of heads. What if I mess this up? You heard her, the first words out of her mouth were ‘even better’! Can she be the one? She’s so pretty! Maybe I’m just reacting to her body.”

“I heard her, alright. It seems like the sign. You sound as worried as a maleborn already. If she’s not interested she’ll tell you the truth as gently as she can, and that's all you can ask for.”

“Did you go through what’s happening to me right now? What sex were you at birth? I don’t even know what fucking species you really are!”

“Bucking,” I said.

“Bucking?”

“Here in Equestria the word ‘bucking’ is used almost exactly like you use ‘fucking’ on Terra. Though the word has other uses too, non-sexual and non-swearing.”

“Thanks for the bucking tip.”

“You’ve got it!”

“Now what the buck are you?”

“I’m sorry for always being so closed about my background. I was born on Tera as a human male, though I prefer pony form. I hoped to be Twilight’s mare for the rest of my life, but I guess my stallion body has something she wants.”

I’d prefer my truer alicorn pony form even more but apparently that secret was worth more than my life.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me? It’s not like I would have have loved you any less if I had known you were really male with a female body. I put up with your insane sounding claims of ponyhood even before you proved them on Gallop.”

“Something about the spell I was under made it really hard to talk about the change, even with Twilight. While I was a a woman, I really was a woman, Ish’. I was never just a boy with a pussy.”

“What was the spell?”

“Some magical experimentation Twilight did on us last time I was here in Equestria. It was just supposed to be good for a few hours of sexy kink, but Celestia caught us, sent me back home, and I spent those nine years as a woman because we got interrupted while the spell was on. And since I was female, and had half a load of semen in me, I conceived Twilight’s daughter. You know at least some of what I went through as a human female. Twilight didn’t know that time was moving differently on Tera, or that I had stayed female, or that she had knocked me up.”

“If Twilight is really a female, why was she male on Terra? And why did I change? Gloamie didn’t change. Neither did Discord.”

“Twilight was a mare when she landed in my domicile. I asked her to turn male ‘cos I wanted some pony cock. We were literally in the act of conceiving Gloam when I last saw her. I needed that dick.”

Ishaz busted out a laugh at my frank admission. She clearly was remembering watching Twilight and me that first night we were reunited.

“And I have no idea why you changed,” I admitted. “A parting gift from Aphrodite? She said something about ‘her bounty’.”

“It could be; her largess is oft given unheralded. When she told me that I would not be her priestess much longer, I thought she meant my death.”

“You didn’t tell me that! Only her threat, not that you would definitely lose the priestesshood.”

“I had already chickened out about asking to go through with you. I didn’t want you to worry about me.”

“Of course I would worry about you! It was worth everything that happened on Terra to have you as my friend. Everything, Ishaz.”

“Hel, Tana, that’s hard to accept. Your friendship means the world to me, but nobody should go through what happened to you.”

I shrugged.

“I survived. And I’ve got my baby, my beloved and my buddy.”

“Yeah. Twilight told me he, uh, she I guess, had no idea about the time difference or that she was a father. Said she would have worked a million times harder if she had known the knocked you up.”

Ahead of us in the trees I could barely hear Gloam practicing loud Zebra chant with Zecora.

“I know. And just to be clear,” I said happily, “I am totally okay with the results of that knocking up!”

“Truly an excellent child. Uh, foal?”

“Thank you. My maternal heart swells with joy.”

“As well it should. Hey, are we falling behind?”

The voices ahead had faded out.

“Yes, but no chance of getting lost. I have my bearings now – one of the benefits of getting lost out here a few times while Twilight was away on missions. It would be nice to be armed, but in a pinch I have it on good authority that I am a pretty solid earthpony in a scrap.”

“Earthpony?”

“There are several tribes of ponies in Equestria today. Earthponies, like you see before you.” The light was dim but I thought I saw a hint of skepticism in Ishaz’s gaze. “Gloam is a unicorn. You and Zecora are zebras. There are also pegassi, and chiropt, who both have wings but no horn. And the crystal ponies, mostly up north. And very, very, rarely, alicorns like Twilight.”

“Okay. Why did Zecora bow to Twilight like that?”

“Twilight is a Princess. She is nominally equal to Celestia and Luna who rule this country. There are only five alicorns known to exist out of all the ponies in the land. The other two are the ruler of the land to the north, and her daughter.”

“A Princess? I noogied a Princess? I’m glad she’s not the revenge seeking kind!”

“Nah, she’s not. And she cares about you almost as much as I do.”

“Thank goodness.”

“So why did you noogie the most powerful Alicorn of the Equestrian royalty?”

“I caught him pissing in the kitchen sink when you and Gloam were hogging both the toilets.”

“At least she wasn’t peeing on me, that’s an improvement.”

“I am no longer the sex priestess of Aphrodite, and you can spare me your kinks.”

We walked in silence while Ishaz decided if he was going to ask me to elaborate. He chose to pursue another topic.

“So if she’s a princess, who is Discord?”

“He’s the Lord of Chaos, as I told you when I introduced him. A force of nature; he’s come close to taking over the world by himself on multiple occasions. His last bid for supremacy, before he fell for Fluttershy, it took the six great heroes of the age to defeat him.”

“And you sent him and Gloam to make dinner with no supervision.”

“Dinner was good!”

“That wasn’t spaghetti.”

I did have to concede her that point, though I could have argued that some of the ingredients were correct.

“Do you mind terribly?” she asked after another interval.

“Huh? Mind what?”

“I think I’ve fallen out of love with you.”

I laughed.

“I’m glad that you no longer want something from me that I can’t give you. You know that I would have if I could have. You know I wanted to. And I still love you, my friend.”

“I was hoping to steal you away, or at least score some sympathy sex before Twilight took you from me forever.” I could sense his blush in the shadows. “But that didn’t happen.”

“You’re right — she didn’t take me away at all. She took us all home and we’re all here in Equestria together now. You didn’t lose me and look what you’ve gained.”

We had almost reached Zecora’s place. I paused at the edge of the clearing and smiled at my friend.

“And you can call me Tangent, Ishaz.”

I nickered with the simple joy of being back in Equestria.

“Tangent is my name.”