Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

After Tangent and Twilight and Gloam had left, Ishaz tried his best to be helpful to Zecora. If he was going to accompany her to Zebronica, he had a lot to learn about being a pony!

Zecora was incredibly patient. Ishaz had seen enough of long suffering women being patient with dense men that he recognized the phenomena now that he was on the receiving end.

Despite the attention he paid to her every word, his utter unfamiliarity with matters equine was eventually enough to strain her careful tolerance.

“Please tell the truth and don’t be phony,
how long have you been a pony?”

she demanded after another mistake nopony older than two should make.

“About one day. I’m sorry for driving you crazy, I really appreciate you taking the time to teach me so much.”

“Then for patience I must beg the goddess,
lest I be an unfriendly clod-ess.”

“I’m trying to learn, really. Just yesterday I was bipedal. And all my life before that.”

“Fear not, I’m sure I would go to pieces
to find myself another species
I will teach the ways of the pony born
and you shall master your zebra form!”

“Thank you, Zecora. I’ll do my best, I swear!”

He wasn’t really such an idiot as a mare might think at first glance.

—

Around sun-high (how could she tell under all these trees? Did she commune with the forest itself?) they took a break. Less a pause from labor than an opportunity for Zecora to get a rest from the constant, earnest, questions. Knowing that he knew nothing about forests, much less magical bemonstered forests, Ishaz took the opportunity to explore. Of course, needing a rescue wasn’t going to improve his prospects so he was careful not to wander far.

That tree –with the twisted branch– had been just visible from behind Zecora’s dwelling. Keeping it in view meant that he’d be able to find his way back, but he was far enough away to have some privacy to give himself a pep talk.

Hoping that his efforts not to ask too many questions had been successful, he could at least comfort himself that he had not blurted out any too sudden confession or proposal.

“Dammit!” Ishaz muttered to himself. “She’s so beautiful. Holy Aphrodite, praise your name, I wish you were here to guide me.”

The irony was not lost on Ishaz: as priestess she had counseled many in this same predicament. A convenient tree substituted for a wall.

Thud

Thud

Thud

Bowing his head and closing his eyes, he spoke.

“Pony goddess, I know nothing about you or how to properly approach you in prayer. I will trust in your benevolence to pony kind and as a pony, I place myself in your keeping. I pray your hoof upon me. Let my ways be pleasing to you as I court your beautiful daughter. Amen.”

Ishaz sighed. He chose to believe, but he was still overwhelmed.

“I just gotta be patient, and honest, and play it smooth.”

Thud

Thud

Thud

Unseen in the undergrowth, Zecora couldn’t hear what he was saying but watched as Ishaz banged his head on the tree again.

Really smooth.

—

Over a latish lunch Zecora regaled Ishaz with a rhyming recount of her travails enduring the assistance of an enthusiastic filly named Applebloom, whereabouts currentlyunknown.

“...her zealous ways did no limit know,
(once she made my posterior glow)
as she sought to grow her skills
with explosions and messy spills
but no matter how many pots might she crack,
I truly wish she would come back.”

There was a crashing through the trees as Zecora finished her tale. Ishaz jumped to his hooves but Zecora simply reached for a drum hanging nearby.

“If you look through the forest you may spy
no monster as frightening as—”

bu-boom-boom BOOM went the drum

“—Fluttershy!”

A pale yellow mare emerged from the forest, blinking in the relative light of the clearing behind Zecora’s tree.

“The path seems to have lost me again, I’m sorry if I trampled anything. I did find you some nightshade!”

Zecora probably had a lifetime supply of the toxic weed already, but she was always glad to see more of the plants rooted up lest somecreature poison themselves with it.

“Can you make me another worming potion, please? One of the critters needs it.”

A hooffull of the lurid red berries could make a dozen batches of potion – it didn’t take much.

Fluttershy lingered curiously near Ishaz when Zecora left to compound the medicine. The striped population of the Everfree forest had doubled and she took the opportunity to talk to the newcomer.

“What part of Zebronica do you come from?”

“I don’t, I came from a world called Terra. My friend Tanna, I guess I mean Tangent, brought me here.”

“Tangent is back? Is he okay? I have tell the girls right away!”

“Of course he’s okay why not?” He wasn’t sure if it would be okay to be frank about the hazards of life on Terra.

“I’m glad to hear that.” But the crystal cracked… was Tangent really okay? “Is the pony that brought him back to Equestria still here?”

“It wasn’t a pony, Twilight couldn't do it. Tanna called in a favor from one of our gods. Gaia opened the way for all of us – it was something the goddess of this world promised him.”

“Ohhhh,” sighed Fluttershy, making a sign in the air with her hoof, “so the holy one has spoken.”

Ishaz recognized the gesture as one Tanna had sometimes used; it was just natural to mirror the reverence.

If the goddess brought Tangent back to Equestria then, Fluttershy knew he must be important. But how had he even met the holy one? That was an important mystery.

“So she facilitated Tangent’s return with you and Twilight. Tell me who were the other three in your party?” Fluttershy gazed idly into the forest as she asked.

“Uh, two, other two. Gloam and Discord came along too.”

“Dissy? Now that you mention is, I guess it was quiet for a few hours yesterday. I hope my fiance wasn’t any problem for you all.”

“No miss, we enjoyed having him as a guest. I guess technically I was a guest too, I just moved in sooner. Discord and I traded chores on alternate days.”

“Alternate days? But he was only out from underhoof a few hours after I saw him at lunch.”

But he certainly had been unexpectedly intense when he did show up for supper. She ought to have paid attention to whatever it was he was nattering about, but there were always animals to care for.

“There’s some kind of time differential between worlds. He was hanging out with us for almost a week.”

“Goodness, what a situation! How long was has it been for Tangent since he left Equestria?”

“Miss? I’m not sure how much of Tanna’s, I mean Tangent's, situation I should discuss—”

“It must have been years and years!” Fluttershy had reached her own conclusion.

“Only about nine,” Ishaz said and then clapped his mouth closed.

Fluttershy smiled; she was skilled at gently extracting the information she desired.

“And this ‘Gloam’ gentlepony, who is he?”

“Big weather, Miss.”

Ishaz wasn’t going to fall for her wiles again.

“Oh yes, quite large, I’m certain. And I’m sure that whenever we meet he’ll be able to tell me all about himself.”

“Herself.”

Or maybe he was.

“You’re new here, so I shouldn’t interrogate you too much. But I’m glad to see that Zecora has somepony to help her again. So many ponies count on her for potions and spells! Were you an alchemist or a shaman in your old world?”

“No, professionally I was a scientist, I worked in brane physics of exotic propulsion systems…” Ishaz launched into an explanation of the possible useful distortions of a nine dimensional space containing seven spacial and two temporal orthagonal displacement regimes.

“Oh my,” said Fluttershy after a monologue suitable to sum up a year of four hundred series physics classes, “those were some very long words.”

“You didn’t follow that at all, did you?”

“I’m sorry, not at all.”

“That was the easy part. You see—”

“You should meet Derpy,” Fluttershy quietly interrupted. “She uses long words too. And she’s such a goofy, sweet, dear that almost nopony knows how smart she is. I’m sure she could fix all the problems in your little theory, and she’d probably enjoy the distraction. But, oh my, not me! If any of your animal friends need help, I’m your mare. Small animals, that is. I am out of the Draconequis taming field, one is quite enough to keep me busy for the rest of my life. But you were telling me about your non-scientific non-professional life…”

By the time her potion was ready, Fluttershy had gently extracted a exacting history of Ishaz’s entire life, in far more intimate detail than he even realized that he had given. Very interesting details, indeed. Just how deep had this naive stallion’s romance with Tangent really gone? And did the princess know about it?

—

“Zecora?”

The two zebras had watched Fluttershy vanish down the forest track back towards her home and Ponyville.

“Hmmm?”

Nonverbal expressions were the one exception she allowed herself from the compulsion to rhyme.

“That mare…” He shook his head.

“You need but yelp,
to obtain help,
my rhymes defeat,
Fluttershy so sweet.”

“Next time I’ll ask for help. I didn’t understand your warning at all. She is one scary pony.”