Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

“Nopony is going to die here,” Twilight said as we stood outside the throne room in Canterlot Castle, “but this could be ugly.”

The doors swung open as the guards raised their spears.

“I sent that telegram from Ponyville, and asked for a private audience.” She nodded towards the throng of ponies packing the room. “Clearly we get the public spectacle instead. So much for a simple request; frankly I don’t know how she got so many ponies packed in here during lunch hour. What is it, five minutes after noon?”

I looked at my ankle. Like most ponies, I didn’t wear a watch. But I had noticed bells chiming the hour moments before.

“I’ll need to speak my mind to Celestia,” she continued. “Please don’t intervene or say anything unless she speaks directly to you.”

“We won’t.” I caught Gloam’s eye. “You too, miss Gloam. Walk nicely like for an Ogli review.”

Twilight held her head up and stepped forward. I stayed at her side rather than follow behind like a commoner. Commoner I might be, but as a princess’s wife I would stay beside her until we stood before the dais. Surely the nuance of our positions would not be lost. Indeed, whispers spread among the gathered ponies. Gloam trailed behind us, bewildered but on her best behavior.

“Oh holy one,” I prayed silently, “why does this have to be a confrontation?”

The room can’t have been more than a hundred metres long but it seemed interminable before we drew near the thrones.

“Celestia.”

Twilight spoke with a hard voice

“I see you have bypassed my spell as you said you would. Shall I tell you ‘well done’? I stand by my promise. And my counsel.”

“Celestia.”

Did anypony besides me sense that Twilight sounded ready to crack?

“Yes. That is me. Might not we have settled that much by now?”

“Celestia.”

It wasn’t just me – even the courtiers could see how thin her self control was. But I might be the only pony in the room with any idea what her destructive potential was if that control snapped.

“Speak, student, speak. You left me in good hopes, were gone but a day, and now you return to me like a thundercloud. Speak.”

At last Twilight stopped; Gloam and I remained halfstep behind her.

“You told me to wait longer. You told me a to wait for years to see if my feelings were love or rut.”

At the obscenity a murmur ran through the gathered ponies.

“You said that for true love even even two-fours-less-one years would be, I will quote you verbatim ‘as nothing’ and it has been fully two fours plus one of years in Tangent's world. A year of delay in Equestria would have been half a lifetime in his world. Seven of our years would have been the third part of a millennium on Terra. In a way you were right: he loves me after more than seven years. But If I had waited that long, I would have found him buried with the centuried dead.”

Note to self: tell Twilight about my heredity of illegal longevity genes, and doubly forbidden goldboost, at a less tense moment.

Twilight took a deep breath before her bombshell.

“You set me up, Highness.”

Another gasp spread through the courtiers.

“You declared us wed, and then you lie to me?”

Twilight stepped to the very foot of the dais to continue her accusation, leaving us where we stood.

“How long am I going to live as an alicorn? A thousand years like you have? Longer? In a thousand years, in two thousand, will you still be manipulating me? And I missed out on nine years of my mortal lover’s life?” She was shouting now. “What the—”

Celestia lit her horn and some form of spherical magical barrier encircled the princesses, now only Celestia and Luna could hear Twilight’s complaint. Through the shimmering field I could see that Twilight was yelling at the top of her lungs now but nopony outside could hear.

Luna looked at me, shock on her face, and hastily averted her eyes when I returned her gaze through the barrier.

For many long minutes Twilight’s tirade continued beyond the barrier of sound.

“Mom?” Gloam whispered to me, worry in her voice, “what’s happening?”

“There has been a terrible misunderstanding.” I shook my head sadly. “We are forbidden to enter the fray and can only hope that they can resolve it calmly in the end.”

Finally Twilight had said her piece and the sound deadening spell was dropped.

Celestia the imperturbable was greatly perturbed. She stood from her throne, set her crown on the seat, and bowed to it. She stepped down from the dais she shared with Luna to meet Twilight face to face.

“Bucking shit, Twilight,” she said very clearly and distinctly.

The collective silence of two hundred ponies filled the throne room more profoundly than the indignation spawned by Twilight’s gaffs.

“Twilight, I swear by myself that I did not know of the timeslip between these worlds. I swear I did not know. Nor did I anticipate that there could be issue.” She turned to me, her shocked expression turning more stern. “Mister Sparkle, is it truly nine years gone in your world?”

“Aye, your Highness, a bit longer. A few moons proud of the exact mark.”

“Raise your fore hoof,” she commanded.

I obeyed, and she inspected my foreleg without a word. The scars were visible in spite of my dark coat. Only Gloam was close enough to see what Celestia was looking at – nopony would know. But surely those nearby could see my blush and shame. I put my hoof back on the floor when she finished her examination.

Celestia avoided looking me in the eye.

“And you love her still?”

“Yes, your Highness.”

“After seemingly being abandoned so long?”

“With all my heart, Highness. Twilight is my life.”

“Despite these years apart?”

“Aye, your majesty.”

“And the filly?”

“My daughter by Twilight. You witnessed her conception and I bore her.”

“I noted that turning you human took twice the power it ought to have, and now we may surmise why. It seems you contain many mysteries, mortal.”

Am I mortal, I wondered.

Celestia finally made eye contact and we were standing in the clouds.

“You will not fall, ‘tis but an illusion. I used the same sound blocking spell as when Twilight made her complaint. The cloudscape is just to make it less claustrophobic.”

“I trust thee, Highness.”

Once again we were locked eye to eye.

“You will not divulge this conversation to anypony.”

No, your Highness.

It was a moment before I realized that I had not spoken aloud. But she accepted my answer.

“Understand that I cannot allow you to access Twilight’s power ever again. It is her burden to prevent the possibility, but it is also my word that you do not try. Do you accept my command?”

“Yes, your Highness. I obey upon my life.”

With her pale magenta eyes boring into my soul, I could only speak truth. If her questions strayed into forbidden realms of truth I would be cursed. Unable to lie to the pony I must serve, I would be forced to disobey the goddess. And then pray that death and damnation would fall before I had to look her in the eye.

“What did Twilight tell you of my reasons for banishing you?” she demanded. “Surely you know that I would not lose my head over your lovely prank with Discord. What do you think I sent him the tickets for, and made sure Fluttershy wouldn’t be there? Frankly I wish you would have notified me that you two were joining forces so I could come to enjoy the show.”

“She told me that you fear I will fulfill an ill prophesy about Equestria’s fate.”

“What say you to this?”

“Your highness, I ask, if I am not at Twilight’s side when come evil days, how will I prove that I am loyal to Equestria? To thee?”

“Twilight’s argument was much the same. Know that such ‘proof’ mayhap be dearly bought.”

“I will swear my fealty to thee.”

“I will not accept your oath at this time.”

“Neigh the less, even unsworn I will serve thee. With my life, with my death, with—”

“Do not say it!” There was a frantic note to her voice – Twilight must have told her everything despite my pleading. So much for a simple request.

Celestia blinked and we were back in the throne room.

She spoke louder now. “You have truly served my—” her voice cracked “—ahem… student better than I have. Twilight, watch my hat.” She nodded towards the throne where her crown sat. And vanished in a silent glissando of light.

The throne room was dead silent – stiller than death.

Bless young foals - Gloam’s voice piped loudly in the soundless hall. “Hail, Arch-Princess Twilight, regent of Equestria!”

With impeccable timing she bowed deeply to her father and everything fell apart.

Ponies were going to die here.