Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

A thousand eager tentacles were poised around me. They surged forward as my yell faded. And then stopped again. The ones already tangled around me retreated. With a pop one slid out of my ass without even spilling its load; the one I had been licking in preparation for felation slithered away.

A robed figure stepped from behind a pillar.

“I need your help,” he said.

“Was sexually abusing my Princess your very best idea for asking?”

“In defense of the indefensible, until shortly ago I did not know what I was doing was wrong. I did not know that my entire existence was evil. I owe you, and your pretty mare friend, my gratitude.” He sank to his knees. “Please help me.”

“Whoa, hey, whoa! What the buck, rape-master? Explain yourself.”

“I am the lord of this small, dark, and moist realm. I have little knowledge of greater realities. As best I can comprehend I was created by an angry mage to trap his enemy for torment in this dream until the enemy's body died. I have power over dreamers, the ability to bind them, the ability to look inside a dreamer’s mind that I might learn their fears. When you and the purple one stopped fearing me, I lost my view into your thoughts. But I had already seen enough to conclude that my task and my purpose is ill.” He paused. “I choose to defy my mad creator.”

“Um, wow, it really sounds like you’ve had an epiphany. What do you suggest we do now?”

“I do not know how to prove my sincerity. Honestly one of the best ideas I have is that I ask you to wake up in the room where the scroll containing the spell that created me is, and burn it. That way you don’t need to worry if I really will change, and I am willing to stop existing as a moral improvement over hurting others.”

“Will burning the scroll set you free from your creator’s vile designs?”

“I don’t think I could exist outside this spell; it would be the end of me.”

I paused for thought. “I am going to guess the scroll must be in Twilight’s magic laboratory in Ponyville Castle. Meaning I would have to exit the dream and wake up in a different place than where my body is currently sleeping. Can you do that?” Hastily I added, “and I’d need to be a pony.” Might as well ask for the world, if this creature had the magic to do it.

“Easily. Easier done than said. I was given immense power in the dream world with the thought that I would use it to abuse my victims with their greatest fears. I believe I can turn my spells about to reveal what your pony form would be in the pony world. Shall I do so immediately?”

“A moment. Are you really okay with ending your existence like this?”

“I am. I choose my own death over tormenting those who have done no wrong. Convey my regretful apologies to your luscious lavender lover for the indignities she has suffered in my realm. Tell her I will embrace death to turn aside from my creator’s purpose.”

“I commend you. You are brave for one who has just had their world turned upside down.”

“’Tis hardly upside down at all. I have literally known nothing but evil and when shown good for the first time ever, I gladly die for it. My world is finally turned right side up.”

“Have you a name that we may remember you and your choice?”

“I was not given a name by my creator; I have never needed one.”

“I name thee Lord Naughtious. Wake me.”

He winced at the name I gave him, but true to his word–

I woke in a room that could only be Twilight’s laboratory in her castle – Naughtius’ powers were profound indeed: I was a pony.

“Oh.”

“My.”

“Celestia.”

I was really a pony. For a moment I simply stood, getting used to the new body shape and simple how to stand in one place without falling over. I closed my eyes and lifted one foot at a time, feeling how my balance shifted. Opening them again, I turned my head to look around there was a sense of extra weight above my brow. Crossing my eyes I could just barely see a horn springing upward from the centre of my forehead. Magic! I grinned at the implications. I wondered if… no, impossible! I hardly dared, but I looked over my shoulder – and saw wings folded on my back. This was too epic to contemplate – Twilight loved me and my pony form was a Alicorn like her! My heart raced as my weltanshauung pivoted to accommodate this development.

With effort I turned my attention to the task at hand.

A scroll, precisely fitting the description Lord Naughtious had given me, lay on an iron reading stand. I would hide it and seek out Twilight. I could explain to Naughtious later why he did not cease to exist.

I took a step towards it and landed on my nose after tripped on my own hooves. I would need to learn to walk on four legs. Cautiously I picked myself up and found myself looking Fluttershy in the eyes. Well, not really because her eyes were blank white and glowing. It was no surprise when her voice was in the wrong register and had an echo.

“Your decision to hide the scroll rather than destroy it is wise. Send yourself back to the nightmare world, and thence to your own world, and we will hide the scroll for you.”

“Thank you… Fluttershy?”

“I speak through many mouths, mortal. The mare Fluttershy is not privy to this conversation although I borrow her form.”

“Who are you?”

The name she spoke was not familiar to me. At the same time it resonated with the absolute quintessence of the place I yearned to call home.

“Hear my command to you. The creature of the nightmare world can teach you to hide your Alicorn nature, and it is imperative for Equestria, and for the pony you love that none know your secret so long as you live.”

“I can’t even tell Twilight? Ever?”

“For her good too, you must treasure this secret in your heart until your dying breath is cold on your lips. Do you doubt her love if you appear to her as a ‘mere’ earth-pony? Would you question my love for any tribe of ponykind?”

Of course I did not, but I didn’t like the deceit, and said so. “I mis-like secrecy and lies. Know that I will not be used against Twilight. I will not be used against Equestria.”

“Your service to Equestria is what I must count on. I will rescind my demand if ever I am able to do; I see much, but not all. My sister will aid thee by three white stones – let that be the sign of my power even though mere power prove not my troth. It is enough if I gain your obedience now. Your faith will follow and it will be enough, for I shall be with you always.”

“I shall obey. But what if I am discovered?”

“Then you will still the tongues of those who know -however you may- lest they wag, knowing that Twilight’s life and the fate of all Equestria hang in the balance.”

The entity controlling Fluttershy’s body held up the scroll and I read it. I don’t think it expected me to remember the spell, but I committed it to memory.

Immediately I was back in Lord Nautious’ nightmare. Still a pony. An Alicorn pony.

“I’m back! I have a friend, I think a friend, hiding your scroll so you will neither be destroyed nor used as a weapon. I hope you can bear the burden of such existence?”

“Indeed, I thank you for the unexpected reprieve. I may yet find a way to do good with myself. How may I repay you?”

“Please, there can be no question of payment or quid pro quo between us, there are too many shenanigans afoot already.” I looked down. “Ahoof, as it were. But I would have you as ally. If you were kindly inclined there are some things you can help me with.”

“Say on.”

“I have been advised that you can help me learn spells to hide my wings and my horn – and further advised that it is imperative that I learn this skill. I also hope I can use your world to practice flying and walking in this body. And I really hope you are willing to let me use your world as a back door between my world and Equestria.”

“Consider these things done, done, and done – but you will need access to the scroll. Do you know where your confederate hides it?”

“Neigh, but I have memorized the spell. I wonder if you can truly be destroyed so long as I live.”

“Fascinating. I would guess that your memorization will give you access to my realm so long as you have power, but I am still at risk if the scroll is destroyed. I will ask that you keep this path between worlds a secret.”

“More secrets,” I sighed. “I know not what intrigues swirl bout me. At a later time I will move your scroll to a safe place known only to me. Once I find it. Are you able to help me transform between Alicorn and human form, as I was told?”

“I can do that, and I can teach you to do so without aid. If you retain a vestige of your horn even when human you will have a link to Alicorn power. I can teach you enough that you won’t need my help.”

“This is superb, Naughtius. Do you want to start teaching me now?

We practiced. There were motions and words, complex to memorize. Several times Naughtius had to help me when I mis-transformed. After several successful transitions from Alicorn to human and back I stood before him in Alicorn form.

“Naughtius, Naughtius! Look, I can skip this part” I demonstrated a gesture he had shown me “and the words that go with it if I visualize a certain colour of light. And some of the other words, I don’t even have to say them out loud I can think them if I use the right voice in my head.” I completed the spell and stood before him in human form. A tiny nub of horn barely invisible in my hairline maintained access to my power.

“You are a natural. Soon you will surpass anything that I can teach. But you must rest soon. Next time we meet, we can work on disguise spells.”

“Dammit, I wish I could study magic with Twilight. She is the greatest mage in her world. I have promised a mysterious god that I will keep my abilities secret.”

“Plots and secrets outside this realm are beyond me.” He shrugged. “But what I do know is that you must be aware that these spells will eventually change your lemnic form for any species that you transform into often. A more powerful magic user could teach you better methods than I can. Until you learn, or create, better spells don’t transform into something you hate for pranks – it might stick to you.

“Thank you for the warning; I have not made any changes I would not gladly keep.”
After several iterations of species change I had tuned my human form slightly. I had left my colour unchanged save my frizzy hair. Now it was the colour of twilight’s coat and I had tidied up most of my body hair because, tidy. Only minimal purple patches remained, slightly darker than the hair on my head. I never had been able to grow a credible beard or mustache; a touch of magic and I would never need to shave again either. As Naughtius had suggested, I maintained a tiny nub of horn to maintain my link to Equestrian power. I did not retain my wings in human form – as much as I yearned to fly I knew Terra was not the place for it.
I blipped back to Alicorn form, checking my work. My coat was of dark grey, the colour of the static in the optic nerve at midnight in an unlit cave, and a mane to match Twilight’s coat. I would coordinate with her but not draw attention away from her – fitting obscurity for the faux earth-pony consort of an Alicorn Princess. My wings were similarly dark but with lighter edging where my flight feathers disappeared under dark coverts. Crossing my eyes again I studied my horn. Darker than my coat, it was almost black relieved by flecks of gold.

Satisfied, I moved between worlds again to Twilight’s lab. I dug through a bin of supplies until I found a blank scroll with similar parchment to the scroll that held the spell for Lord Naughtius’ realm. I propped it up on the reading stand, and ignited it. Reduced to ash and a couple of charred corners, it was impossible to tell that they were not the remnants of Naughtius’s scroll. With any luck nopony would miss him.

Back in Naughtius’ world I realized he was right: I was weary from the day’s magic. I had to ask him for help returning to human form. After changing me he raised his hand and instead of his voice I heard my alarmer bleeping its staccato annoyance.