Author's Note

Let’s start 2025 off with something crazy, mkay? Mild clop warning.

152-Premonition

Twilight and I were making love when a premonition of trouble sent a riffle of unease along my back.

“Who’s on call right now?” I asked without moving my forehooves from her hips.

Twilight straddled me, her wings spread like an angel of carnal pleasure as she rode my cock.

“Wh-ughn-y?” she asked.

“I just feel like something’s going wrong somewhere out there in the night.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not on call, baby, it’s still—” the door to our bedroom burst open “—her turn.”

“Twilight, Twilight! Big Bad has the McGuffin! And! And!”

“Stop,” Twilight commanded.

I stopped thrusting myself upwards into my beloved’s encompassing warmth.

“And! And!” The Pink One continued to chant as she ricocheted from wall to ceiling to floor to wall to floor to ceiling to wall.

“Not you, Tangent, don’t stop. Pinkie, you stop.”

“And—”

Pinkie ceased to and and I began moving my hips again.

“At least it wasn’t our daughter this time, just keep going.”

“Yes, Princess.” I closed my eyes to block out the fact that we were not alone, and focus on the tactile sensations. Heat. Wetness. The rhythmic impacts as I drove up into her and she slammed down on me. At this point I didn’t even care that we had an audience.

In moments, the fluttering muscle tension wrapping itself around my cock told me that Twilight was on the verge of massive orgasm despite the intrusion and distraction.

“Look into my eyes while I come,” she said, trying to salvage the intensity of the moment with her sultry request.

I ignored the intruder and turned my face upwards, opening my eyes to bare my very soul into the deep pools of Twilight’s beautiful eyes and found myself getting a huge mound of fluffy pink mane in my face instead.

“Not you, Pinkie!” Twilight squawked, “I meant Tan-an-aaaaaaaan-gent! Oh! Oh! Oh!” Twilight’s climax wasn’t waiting and her cry dissolved into nonverbal ecstasies as she humped up and down upon on me.

Pinkie’s mane smelled of tutti frutti and tickled my nose. All in all it was a bit of a mood killer for me despite my spouse’s loud outburst. My build up faded away unreleased, even as Twilight peaked.

At last Twilight spoke.

“Well, that was the weirdest orgasm I’ve ever had.”

It was the weirdest spoiled orgasm I’d ever had, I reflected as Twilight hovered off of me and lit down beside the bed.

“Well, let’s go Pinkie,” she said, “We’ll get your damned McGuffin back before the contrived and arbitrary deadline. This better not be be an extra long Very Special Episode, some kind of new year horror. You won’t be Last Mare if it is.”

“Wait, Twilight,” Pinkie objected, “aren’t you forgetting something? You didn’t get him off!”

I was still sprawled on the bed, catching my breath, already softening.

“Look at him,” Twilight said, “I think you kinda ruined it for him. I’ll have to try to make it up for him later—”

“I can help!”

“—with no help from you, Miss Pie, thank you very much.”

—

I woke to Twilight’s kiss, her lips soft on mine, her tongue sweet and probing. In seconds I was ready to forget that we had been interrupted at all. Mouth to mouth, we started to pick up what had been left off. Pleasure mingled with pleasure, her kiss filled my awareness completely, and the mouth stealthily encompassing my cock barely registered on my distracted attention. Her touch was my world and—

The what?

If Twilight was kissing me, then whose mouth had just transitioned from stealth to full on slurp-it-all-in mode?

“Nnnn! Nnnn! Nnnn!” I vocalized as best I could, unable to speak with two tongues in my mouth and her lips pressed hard against mine. A third tongue wrapped itself around my shaft and then the unknown fellator or fellatrix got to work.

Twilight raised her head in concern.

“Tangent, what’s wrong?”

She had sprawled across me, pinning me down. As I writhed she looked behind herself and saw the pink head now bobbing vigorously at my groin.

“Pinkie, stop that!”

Pinkie didn’t stop that. She had a tongue like an electric weasel and she liked the taste of a stallion’s medial ring. I was getting pretty hard whether I wanted to or not.

“Pinkie, get your mouth off my wife!”

With a flair of rose magic, and a sound like a cork popping, Pinkie was pulled off me and into the air.

“Dammit, Pinkie, what the dick is wrong with you? I said no, that’s for me!”

“Sorry, Princess! But good news, he still tastes like you, he didn’t find somepony else to bang while you were gone!”

Twilight closed her eyes in frustration and shook her head. Still floating midair, Pinkie shook as well, the sweeping arc of her movement following the shaking of Twilight’s head. Damn near took out the ceiling light.

“How. in. the. BUCK! would you know what I taste like? Did you orally rape me while I was asleep?”

“You really need to wash your dildo after you use it, Twilight.”

“Yes, Pinkie, you are right, my bad. I will learn from my mistake and I will do better.” She lowered her head, as if in shame, then raised up again, eyes flashing. “But what kind of freak finds a used dildo and thinks to taste it?”

Pinkie stuck her tongue out and shrugged. After a revelation like that, I didn’t want to imagine what wouldn't she taste.

“Tangent. This is the kind of friend we have to put up with in our line of business. Do you still love me?”

“—” Pinkie tried to interject. Twilight’s magic held her mouth closed now.

“Of course I love you, forever, Princess. And I forgive our friend, even if she did just sexually assault me.”

Twilight shut off her magic and Pinkie plopped to the floor.

“Shall I have her flogged for you?”

Pinkie perked up eagerly.

“I’m not willing to risk her liking it,” I said, “Maybe just send her to a sexual consent class.”

Pink ears drooped.

“Oo, harsh!” Twilight appreciated the impact of my suggestion. “Nopony’s going to get off on that.”

“That’s mean!” my assailant protested. “Didn’t it feel good?”

“Pinkie, it felt great and I only want to feel great that way with Twilight. You should ask first, so a little refresher on consent’ll do you good.”

“Aw, are you serious?” Pinkie whined.

“Do you really doubt us?” Twilight demanded. ”I’ll put the orders in writing as soon as I’m done trying to make up to Tangent for the interruption.”

“But Princess…” Pinkie pouted.

“I suggest you impress me by having your class scheduled, and train ticket to Canterlot in hoof, before I get the paperwork formalized. Tangent, before we continue do you mind washing the Pinkie off your…?”

“Yes,” I said, “I’d prefer that.”

—

A dejected pink mare made her way home through Ponyville’s least safe alleys, hoping for trouble.

Trouble, for the most part, knew better and kept its distance.

Trouble hadn’t sworn out a no-contact order for nothing.

Pinkie’d have to make her own trouble.

Failing that, perhaps there might be a stale baguette or eight at the bakery.

—

“Well,” asked Twilight one helluva blowjob later, “how do I compare?”

I kissed her muzzle before responding.

“Got it,” I said now that the last drip of splattered semen was licked off her face. “Compare what?”

“So, how am I at sucking dick compared to Pinkie?”

“Oh, there’s really no comparison.”

“Really? She’s that good‽ I gotta learn the secrets! I’m gonna let her do you after all, so I can study her technique.”

“No! I mean you! She doesn’t compare to you, because I love you.”

“Oh, I see.” Twilight looked thoughtful. “I mean, she probably has more practice than anypony in Ponyville.”

“Don’t care.”

“I guess Berry Punch might have technically beat her, but I’m not sure how much of it she’s been sober enough to remember.”

“Twilight, all I want is my very own pony princess, my one and only, you.”

“You’re so sweet,“ she said as she guided my face to her crotch. ”But if you ever change your mind about that, I’m sure she’ll consent to almost anything.”

“Maybe she’ll settle down someday.”

“We can only hope! What can I say, Pinkie’s a little neurodivergent.”

“I’ve heard of ‘neurodivergent’, but she’s more a case of ‘wakka wakka wakka clang’!” I said and dove in.

“Tanget?”

“Hmm?” I didn’t want to disengage enough to speak words.

“You might be even weirder than she is.”

I pulled back long enough to say, “that’s fine, Princess, as long as my weirdness doesn’t drive you away,” and returned to task.

Twilight rested her forehooves gently on the back of my head. She didn’t push me down, it was just a feather light touch as I enjoyed giving her pleasure.

“Nothing,” she promised, “ever will.”