Twilight Sparkle and the Stupid Original Pony

“What do you mean I can’t go trick-or-treating with Tangent? I ate my all vegetables at dinner! Tell him that if I can eat that nasty green stuff, he can too! Fluttershy said that I could stay out late and play if I ate my broccoli.”

Two days had passed in Equestria and Discord had presented himself at Ponyville Castle expecting an evening of convivial mayhem with his new friend.

“Celestia sent him back to his former home, Discord.”

“So bring him back here where he belongs! I want to play.”

“I can’t. Her Highness created a powerful barrier spell.”

“If you cannot defeat that old nag’s magic I am deeply disappointed in you, Princess Twilight Sparkle!”

“I will, I will, but it takes time! I don’t see you defeating her any recent century.”

“Maybe I just don’t feel like it,” he huffed and then pouted, “I wanna play with Tangent.”

“You can’t and neither can I. Thanks to you for getting him in trouble!”

“He was a willing participant in a completely legitimate Chaotic Deed!” Discord crossed his arms defensively. “And not a bad tap dancer under hostile fire, either, I should add.”

“I still blame you.”

“Very well, I shall take action. Decisive action. Just you wait and see. Harrumph, harrumph!”

Discord was gone before she could inquire what he planned but as long as it didn’t interfere with her research she really didn’t care.

—

An unusually costumed creature stalked the streets of Ponyville this Nightmare Night.

“Bahahahaha, silly little pony foals, I will take away all your candy and give you pickled beets! And you will never know who I am!”

The gigantic stylized turd chased hapless young ponies, an ethereal mane of pastel blue and pink and green trailing through a tear in the fabric. Constantly snapping at their heels and grabbing at their candy bags, the creature never actually caught any of them, but the repeated close calls only increased their frantic efforts to avoid it.

A small, timid, filly stumbled and fell immediately in the turd creature’s path. It lept and landed next to her with a great roar. A mis-matched paw and clawed hand reached out of the costume and helped little Betsy to her hooves. Giving her bag back, and patting her head, the costume wearer turned to race after another young pony.

“Beets, beets, beets, beets!” sounded a bellow, as if nothing had happened.

—

The supply of foals to chase had dwindled by the time her Highness put an end to the excitement.

“Discord!” Celestia snapped, “I thought you were reformed!”

“Oh, but I am, I am,” he assured her. “Please note that I am throwing a tantrum and not over-throwing a certain despotic poopie-poo. Nopony will ever guess who I am referring too.” He twitched the flowing tail of his turd costume until it exactly mirrored the identical tail of the Princess.

“What have I despotted this time?” she demanded with exasperation.

“Beyond the proper conjugation of the Ponish language just now, my friend is missing out on Nightmare Night due to your haughty interference.”

“There are weightier matters than a costumed frolic, scaring foals, and too much sugar.”

“What could possibly be weightier than eating your own weight in cheap confections?” Discord snapped his fingers to punctuate his question with a shower of scarcely edible Almerpay brand chocolates.

“Staving off the prophesied fall of Equestria comes to mind.”

“Oh pshaw! I, personally, am reformed as you so blithely point out and little Twi-Twi can certainly deal with almost anything those old donkeys have foretold without any risk to your royal repose.”

Celestia coughed her impatience with his disrespect to the ancient seers – his disrespect of her own hooves-off approach to seeing that the world gets saved one way or another was nothing new.

Primly he added, “most of it was probably about me, anyway, and just look how wrong they were!”

“Ah, Ahh, Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” sang an angelic choir as a halo appeared over Discord’s head.

Reformed or not, Celestia had forbidden Discord access to certain volumes of arcana – he watched her closely to see if she would confirm his guess about the words of the seers.

“I’m serious, Mister Sullivan.”

“I’m rarely serious, but I will tell you with an honesty born of my sworn obedience to the throne that Tangent is no threat to this land.”

“Hmmph.” Celestia was unimpressed. “Anyway, stop bugging the foals. That is a command.”

With a faint tinkle Discord’s halo cracked; it flickered out and began to tilt.

—

“Excuse me Mister Discord?”

There was one colt who had not run away during the kerfluffle.

“Yes, little one?” Discord sighed.

“I like pickled beets.”

“You do?”

“And my parents don’t want me to eat too much candy.”

“So you are hoping I will take your candy?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And give you the beets.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’m sorry, little stallion. I was just trying to scare ponies. I don’t really have any beets with me. I will make sure to have a jar with me next year so nopony can say that I made an offer I was not prepared to keep. Is that okay?”

“It’s fine. You wanna walk with me? I’m dropping my candy off at the orphanage.”

Discord didn’t answer, but he fell in step with the young fellow.

—

Betsy’s mother tucked her into bed.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I renounce Order.”

Her mother froze. There was no mistaking what the young filly had said.

Neutral, Evil, or even Good, their family had counted themselves Orderites for generations. (Nopony talked about Unlucky Penny; Chaos was merely the most egregious of her many faults. Betsy didn’t even know that she had a scorned aunt with whom she apparently shared more than just coat colour.)

“Do you understand what that means?” she asked her daughter carefully.

“I embrace Chaos.”

Betsy was no longer the timorous filly who had been so reluctant to venture into the costumed madness of Nightmare Night only a few hours ago.

“And I will never be afraid again. Of anything.”

—

“Are you sad Mister Discord?” the colt asked after dropping off his candy.

“Yes. I wanted to play with one of my chaos friends tonight and he can’t come out.”

“Is he in trouble? I hope he can play with you soon.”

“We both got into some wonderful trouble in Canterlot and somepony very important decided that he might destroy the world.”

“Would he really? The world is big!”

“Perish the thought; he could but he never would, at least not this world. Is this your house?” They were stopped in front of a tidy little bungalow on Stumble Street. “Listen to me little Harold, Tangent is from another world but he loves Equestria more than his own life. Now get you to bed and be sure to ask about the beets next year.”

“I will! Good night, Discord!”

—

“Sister!” Luna beamed. “We are so glad thou hast joined the festivities for a change. Ponies bespeak themselves throughout Ponyville with tales of thy brilliant costume. We did not see thee, but they say ‘twas very creative.”

“Lovely,” Celestia groaned.

“Nopony has actually described thine apparel, but we are certain a reprise wilt be in order for the royal bemasqued ball. Canst hardly wait!”

—

Running amok in the Celesturd costume had been amazingly unfulfilling and a late night cloudburst was all it took to put the finishing touch on Discord’s melancholy. By the time he knocked on the door to Fluttershy’s cottage he looked and felt like a half-drowned bunny: the furred parts of his body were saturated with rain, he had developed a sniffle, and his extinguished halo had caught on a prong of his deer-like horn. It hung down and covered one eye.

“Oh, come here you poor sweetie,” Fluttershy pulled him indoors. Ignoring the rainwater soaking her coat and dripping on the floor she hugged him and kissed him deeply.

“Now what you need,” she said, “is a warm towel, a mug of hot cocoa, and a voracious blowjob.”

All of which she provided.