Cthulhu vs the Flying Spaghetti Monster

The next night saw the return of Twilight’s nightmares, with renewed darkness and horror. It wasn’t simply an unnatural evil anymore. It was becoming more personal. She saw the things she loved being consumed, corrupted and destroyed by the darkness. The terror spread across Equestria, crushing all in its path. As she saw it approach her family, she was helpless to stop it. She felt an incomprehensible horror as she saw her parents embrace each other, realising that all resistance against the force would be useless. The unicorn desperately thrashed about, trying to beat back at the vile thing. These violent convulsions eventually shook her awake.

It was about midnight. The air was freezing, but the scholar was drenched in sweat. She rolled over and tried to get comfortable. Despite being absolutely exhausted, the unicorn couldn’t bring herself to close her eyes. She was scared. Terrified of the things she might see the next time she briefly slipped into unconsciousness. How could she go on living like this?

Twilight rolled out of bed and magically flooded the room with light. She walked to the mirror and gave her reflection a long, hard look, trying to convince herself to stop having nightmares. Deep down inside, she knew it would do no good. It was hopeless.

“I wish,” she declared tiredly, “that I had gone with that weird pony. Anything is worth a try at this point.”

“Great!” replied the familiar voice from the mirror, “Pack fast and pack light, I want to catch the first morning train to Ponyville.”

~~~\o/~~~

It was still early morning when the express pulled in to Ponyville Station. Twilight had intended to question the pink pony further on the way to their destination, and certainly didn’t want to fall asleep while alone with the insane creature that had broken into her home. Despite this resolution, she had drifted off within five minutes of leaving Canterlot. She was awoken by the cotton candy scented mare shaking her violently.

“TWILIGHT!” she screamed, “WAKE UP! COME ON, TWILIGHT, YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP!”

“What is it?” asked Twilight when she jolted awake, “dragons?”

Pinkie Pie looked into the unicorn’s eyes with horror for a moment before relaxing and saying, “Silly Twi, you left Spike in Canterlot, remember? I’m glad you realised that this adventure is no place for a baby dragon. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you were awake to meet the rest of the Ponyville chapter of the FSM.”

“Then why were you yelling like that?”

“I dunno. Hey, let’s go meet your new buddies!”

Twilight placed her saddle bags on her back before following the pink pony off the train. Waiting for them on the platform was a group of four ponies, evidently a diverse rag-tag team of everymares.  Casting her eyes from the left to the right, she saw a redneck in a Stetson, a bored looking and athletically built pegasus, a pristinely clean and immaculately groomed white unicorn, and a small yellow pegasus who looked like she was trying to hide in the corner of existence, out of every pony’s way. As Twilight hung back to consider these ponies for a moment, Pinkie bolted to her friends and greeted them enthusiastically.

“Oh, I missed you guys so so so much! I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“Urgh,” the cyan pegasus said, trying to suppress an affectionate smile, “Pinkie, you’ve only been gone two days!”

“An’ them two days didn’t feel right, did they?” the Stetson wearing earth pony smiled, before looking at Twilight, “this the unicorn you were tellin’ us about?”

“Right! Twi,” Pinkie waved her hoof down the line of ponies, “this is Rainbow Dash and Applejack, that’s Rarity and that’s Fluttershy. Come say hi!”

Twilight smiled shyly and took a step forward. She had never been much good at making new friends. She opened her mouth to say “hello”, but was cut off when Rainbow Dash swooped down in front of her, glaring at her.

“How do we know we can even trust you?” she demanded.

“Uh, well,”

“I mean,” the pegasus cut her off as she addressed her friends, “she could be a great agent of evil for all we know! She looks like a spy, to me.”

The five Pastafarians took a moment to stare at the lavender pony. She was shrinking down uncomfortably, forcing a smile. Beneath the judging gaze of the other ponies, Twilight blushed and scratched her hoof nervously on the ground. She looked like a self-conscious schoolgirl in front of her crush.

“Rainbow, please, you’re embarrassing yourself,” said Rarity. She smiled and trotted gracefully to her fellow unicorn, “I’m simply delighted to have a Canterlot mare in our midst. Oh, how I envy you. I’m a Canterlot girl at heart, you know. I was born in the wrong city!”

“Oh, er, thanks. It’s really not all it’s cracked up to be,” was all Twilight managed to say to the white mare. There was a brief pause before she looked at the only pony who hadn’t said anything so far. “Well, you’re a talkative one,” she smiled.

Fluttershy's eyes widened in fear as she gaped silently at the unicorn. Hiding her face behind the pink shield of her mane, she ground her hoof in the ground and mumbled inaudibly.

“Fluttershy doesn’t talk much,” explained Pinkie, “she’s shy. That’s why she’s called Fluttershy. Gee, we ponies aren’t real creative when it comes to names, huh? Anyway, I’m sure you two will be best buddies by the time we get to Baltimare.”

Applejack skewed her face in confusion. “Uh, wait. So, we’re goin’ ta Baltimare, now?”

“Well, duh. I just said that. Let’s go!”

With that, the pink pony bounced off, trusting that her friends would end up following her. After exchanging confused and concerned glances, the five comparatively sane ponies let out a collective sigh of incredulity. They followed Pinkie to the edge of Ponyville, eventually finding themselves at a river quay. The five were taken aback by what they saw. Pinkie was grinning at them broadly and, with great fanfare, she waved her hoof admiringly. “This is our ride,” she declared, “all aboard!”

Somehow, the pink mare had gotten her hooves on a small paddle steamer. It seemed tall compared to its width and length; a design to allow manoeuvrability in the small river without sacrificing too much space. Most of the deck was taken up by the cabin, a four level metal affair, painted a creamy white. The first three levels of the cabin were the same size, but the top was much smaller. It served as the wheelhouse, giving the driver a vantage point above the rest of the vessel. Behind the wheelhouse were two smokestacks. The paddle at the stern of the vessel looked so old and rusted to the point that the ponies doubted its functionality.

“Pinkie, you do know how to drive this thing, don’t you?” Rarity asked apprehensively.

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll pick it up.”

“I was afraid you’d say that.”

“Don’t be like that, Rarity,” she replied as she jumped aboard, “C’mon, it’ll be fun!”

Rainbow Dash didn’t waver in joining the earth pony on the boat. Landing beside her, she smirked back at the four hesitant ponies, challenging them to come aboard. “What’re you waiting for?” she asked playfully.

“Well, you’ve never led us astray before, Pinkie,” said Applejack as she sauntered up to the vessel, “I see no reason why you’d start now.” She leapt from the land onto the boat, taking a position near Rainbow Dash. “Alright, you three,” she smiled, “let’s get a mosey on.”

Twilight was the next to cross the threshold. With a deep breath, she resolved to show these ponies that she was no coward. Under the judgemental glare of the cyan pegasus, she leapt onto the boat and stood next to Pinkie Pie. The two earth ponies smiled at her approvingly, filling her with reassuring warmth.

“But it’s so DIRTY,” complained Rarity, “why can’t we take the train?”

“Urgh, I just caught a train all the way from Canterlot,” replied Pinkie, “I don’t wanna catch another one all the way to the east coast!”

“Now, ah’m sure Pinkie Pie’s got ‘er reasons,” assured Applejack, “she always  does. C’mon board.”

With a disproving snort and her head held low, the unicorn begrudgingly joined the other four ponies on the deck. This left Fluttershy standing by herself on the ground, staring at the boat nervously.

“Oh... I don’t know...” she mumbled.

“Come, Fluttershy, the sooner we’re all on this dreadful contraption, the sooner we can get off it!” Rarity said.

“It’s not a contraption, it’s a paddle steamer,” Pinkie Pie corrected.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and slammed her hoof to her face. “Come ON, Fluttershy,” she said as she took to the air and swooped to the shy mare’s side, “we’re burning daylight here. You don’t want to be floating through the Everfree Forest at night, do you?”

“Th-th-the EVERFREE FOREST?” the yellow pegasus repeated.

“Oh, yea!” Pinkie chimed in, “To get to Baltimare by river, we need to go through the Everfree Forest. That’s why I wanted to get going early. Anyway, looks like we’re not going to clear the forest before nightfall anyway.”

Here Rainbow Dash started flailing her hooves at the pink pony, trying to prevent her from freaking out her fellow pegasus. She contorted her face into the most disapproving look she could muster, mouthing “NO! NO!” silently.

“I mean, at this stage, it’ll be dark way before we leave the forest anyway. Could be all kinds of creepies out and about. Spooky, huh?” The pink mare concluded.

Fluttershy was hyperventilating. Her legs felt wobbly, but were completely immobile. Both of her wings were clamped stubbornly against her body. With a weak murmur, her frail body gave way to the stress. She rolled her eyes into the back of her head and went limp, falling to the ground with a dull thud. There was a brief silence as the five conscious ponies regarded the catatonic mare.

“Well, that’s handy. Dashie, get her on board so we can get going!” Pinkie ordered before bouncing her way to the winding staircase at the vessel’s stern.

“Is she going to be okay?” asked Twilight.

“I reckon so. This happens a bit,” replied Applejack.

“I wasn’t talking about Fluttershy.”

“Neither was I. Dash, reckon you can get that one inside and get ‘er to come to by your lonesome? I wanna  keep an eye on Pinkie. Don’t entirely trust her behind the wheel of this thing.”

“You got it,” replied Rainbow Dash as she lifted the limp pegasus.

~~~\o/~~~

With all the other ponies now on board, Pinkie Pie experimented with the controls in the wheelhouse as Applejack watched on nervously. With the crank of a handle, she managed to get the massive engine that sat below deck going, and a thick cloud began to billow out of the smokestacks. With a flick of her hoof, the pink pony pushed a lever forward. The vessel let out a terrible metallic clank, as if it was groaning in protest, but it slowly started moving downstream. To the surprise of ever pony on board, the paddle steamer managed to pull away from the quay and begin its journey without disaster.

“Applejack, why don’t you keep an eye on the engine below deck? I’ve got things under control up here.” The pink skipper said.

Applejack studied the smiling pony doubtfully for a moment. Having things “under control” wasn’t exactly the party pony’s forte. Chaos was usually more her style. Still, she had never let them down before, and she always had her reasons. Even if those reasons didn’t always make sense. With a reluctant nod, the workhorse turned away from the wheelhouse. She cast an unsure glance back at the skipper before descending the staircase.

Finally alone, Pinkie smiled wickedly and said to herself “Next stop: Everfree Forest.”

“I heard that,” stated Applejack, returning to the top deck.

“heard what?”

“Next stop: Everfree Forest.”

“I said that?”

“Yes you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Didn’t you?”

“Nope.”

“Oh. Alright then.” Applejack cast another glance at the pink mare before heading back down the stairs.

Pinkie followed her to make sure she was alone, before returning to the wheelhouse.

“Next stop: Everfree Forest,” she repeated. It didn’t really have the same impact. Applejack had ruined the line for her. She snorted in annoyance, before shrugging it off and focusing on the river ahead.