Chapter 1: The Chapter That Begins the Story
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Chapter 1: The Chapter That Begins the Story
Once upon a time in the distant future of Equestria, terrible ponies Sunny, Zipp, Pipp, Izzy and the male pony character from G5 were all hanging out.
“Let’s have fun and adventures and musicals and parties!!!!” said Izzy.
“I certainly like the sound of that!” said Sunny.
“Let’s just relax for the day, it’s a nice day out. I just want to relax my hooves, sit back and relax and enjoy what a relaxing day it is today!!!” said Pipp
“Good idea too!” said Sunny.
“I want to fly around at the speed of sound like a badass fast pony!!!!” said Zipp.
“That would be awesome too! I could watch you to that and try my best to keep up! LOL!!!” said Sunny.
“I think maybe we should take stupid selfies of ourselves and stuff or whatever.” said the boring male pony with no real personality.
“I love that idea too!” said Sunnny.
“Wow, I guess all of those ideas sound awesome! I can’t decide which I want to do most! But one things for sure, whatever we do, let’s do it together!!!” Sunny said in love.
The whole group then did a massive group hug.
“FRIENDS FOREVER!!!” they shouted.
Just then, a long forgotten being of pure evil started to break free of her stone entrapment.
“ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” shouted Cozy Glow. “THERE’S NO CONFLICT IN THIS UNIVERSE!!!! THESE STORIES ARE SO BORING AND TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!” she screamed.
She happened to be nowhere near the Mane Five at the time, but she could just sense how cringey they were being, so she snapped the necks of 14 innocent bystanders for allowing to be in the same universe as these terrible protagonists. She then took out a giant saw and cut through every pony in her path as she flew towards the Mane Five. Within 30 seconds, she had already killed over 800 trillion ponies and she’d only just begun!!!
Cozy Glow Meets the Mane Five
“Then we can eat cupcakes and go dancing and sing karaoke and watch classic SpongeBob episodes on my old school CRT TV and ride our bikes and meet celebrities and get a makeover and go to the moon and cry so hard, but every single tear will be a tear of pure joy at the amazing amazement of knowing you all as my best friends ever!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!” Sunny said.
“Do you love me?!” an evil voice from behind said.
“I LOVE EVERYPONY!!!!!” Sunny replied. She then looked back at who said that to her and it was the most evil being in all of pony history, but Sunny did not recognize her.
“Good, because I love you too!” Cozy Glow said and then she cut Sunny’s stupid head off.
She chucked the head at Izzy’s annoying face and it went through her and hit Zipp. Pipp died of a heart attack from the shock of the scene. The male pony tried to escape, but Cozy grabbed him and said “Where do you think you’re going, bitch?! Our day of fun has only just begun.”
Epilogue: The Lesson That The Ponies Never Learned
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Epilogue: The Lesson That The Ponies Never Learned
And so, the lesson of this story is to not fuck with Cozy Glow or you might just get tortured for all eternity. Also, do not annoy her or be very unlikable. Also, no matter what you do, Cozy Glow will always be the ruler of the multiverse, so you’d better just follow whatever she wants you to do.
And in conclusion, Cozy Glow is my Goddess and I love her with all my heart. And I know that if you really try, you will love her forever too. She’s really not a bad pony. She’s just misunderstood. She may have some sort of “evil”-ish goals, but it’s okay, because she’s cute and lovable. I know you’ll learn to love her. I believe in you.
Epilogue 2: This Story Becomes Official Canon
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Epilogue 2: This Story Becomes Official Canon
And so, as it happened to happen, G5 was so fucking horrendous that this story immediately became retroactively canon in the year 2024 when Hasbro cancelled the show and destroyed it from the history of existence—most likely to bring back G4 again around 2026 or so, but rebooted to follow this story’s canon.
Also, Misty was there as well. She also died.
The End.
Cozy Glow Tortures Somepony
Cozy then tortured him in the most brutal ways of all time, so violent and horrifying that if I were to write them out here, my soul would instantaneously leave my body and anyone who were to read my writing would instantly be petrified. All humanity would go straight to Hell if any human were to ever even attempt to describe even 1% of the horrors that Cozy subjected him to, because the mere act of attempting to mention what it was she did would make our entire species unworthy of anything resembling mercy or love, we’d be recognized as an evil species forever if one of us were to even conceptualize even 0.0000001% of all of the horrifying horrors she committed upon him. It’s literally impossible to conceptualize all the shit she did to him and to remain alive. I know you think you’ve seen some fucked up shit in your life, but trust me, you have not.
So she just kept on torturing and torturing and torturing him for trillions of years, then she started to get bored and she looked back at her ass. “Hey, hang on! Why do I only have my cutie mark on one ass cheek? You know what? I’m just going to destroy the whole universe.” she said.
She flew out to the far reaches of the cosmos and spit all over it, she then grabbed ahold of reality itself and shoved it into her ass. “GIVE ME ONLY ONE CUTIE MARK, WILL YOU?!??!!?!?!” she squeezed the whole universe between her asscheeks, destroying a unimaginable quantities of life that existed in the same universe as G5. She then took the universe out of her ass, put it in her mouth and started chewing it like bubble gum. She blew a bubble and let it pop over her mouth. She then grinded it into her hoof and stomped on it real good.
