Anon writes a shit fic.

Spike finally made it to Anon's house, and true to his word, the door was unlocked. The living room was big and classy, not something Spike expected. He was also surprised to see Anon had a Ponivision TV and Super Neightendo. Neatly organized amongst it was practically every single video game release he knew and then some he didn't even know existed.

"Woah, Anon's loaded for sure! Guess that bank job pays well."

Also in view was the rather large collection of books Twilight gave Anon when he finally bought his house. It was her housewarming gift to Anonymous, and while the man liked it, Spike really could only think,

"Meh. Now, where's those supplies?"

Remembering his words, Spike turned and noticed the desk in the corner of the room. Anon wasn't joking when he said he had plenty of supplies. Stacks of paper and quills were there, along with a stack of what looked like a rather large pile of completed letters, each with cover pages.

"Huh? What's this?"

Each "letter" had several pages and was separated only by its cover pages, which were labeled by the recipients' names and nothing else.

"Let's see, Twilight Sparkle, blah blah, yadda yadda....oh, these must be letters he wrote! Quite a bit...I know! I can repay him by dropping these off at the post office! Except for Twilight because I live with her and what not."

It was going to take Spike several trips back and forth, so he decided to grab the supplies first with Twilight's letter. Once he finished putting the supplies and notes in his backpack, he gleefully walked his way out of the house and closed the door behind him.

It took a while for Spike to make trips to Anon's house and back, but it was easier than waiting in line all day. And sure enough, after dropping off the last letters, the line to the store was still long. Happy about his work well done, Spike returned to the castle. Upon arrival, he found Twilight in the library room, enjoying a book. She waved him over upon his entry.

"Hey, Spike! You're done already?"

"Yup! Dropped off all the supplies in your office. Best part? I got them for free!"

Putting the book down, Twilight got up and stretched her legs before continuing,

"Really? How did you pull that off? You didn't steal, did you?"

Shaking his head, Spike smiled,

"Of course not! Come on, Twilight, if I were to steal something, it would be the ice cream in the kitchen."

He immediately facepalmed himself as the purple alicorn smirked at him.

"So that WAS you! I knew it. What did I say about late-night desert raiding?"

He signed in defeat and slumped down, knowing he messed up.

"Yeah, no late-night ice cream raiding; it will be future Spike's problem....again."

Lightly giggling, Twilight hovered the book back onto the shelf.

"It's okay, Spike. Speaking of which, I do believe it's lunchtime. Let's go to the kitchen."

Spike nodded before pulling out a small stack of papers.

"Oh, I almost forgot, this is for you! Anon wrote it."

Twilight turned back and took the papers from his claws, hovering before her eyes.

"A letter? Almost like a book. It just says my name....hmmm. I think I'll read this later. I don't know why he wrote this, but I'm excited!"

Squealing in excitement, Twilight set the papers down on the small library table, only to see Spike had a second set.

"This one is for Starlight! Is she around?"

The princess shook her head.

"No, but we can drop it off later. Come on, Spike, let's get some lunch."

After a good serving of daffodil sandwiches, Spike's leftover hay fries, and tea, he ran to his room to relax, leaving Twilight alone. The purple princess decided now was a good time to read whatever Anonymous wrote. She couldn't help but wonder what it could be. As curious as she was, it pleased her that the idea of him writing a very long and detailed friendship lesson from a practically alien species was in her library. The thought also occurred to her that it could very well be a confession of love, as she did have a crush on him not too long ago. The problem was her hints went over the man's head. Anon was no different than stallions in that regard, but the thought it might be a love letter made her blush anyway.

Halfway down the main hall, Twilight spotted Starlight Glimmer, who appeared lightly sweating and out of breath. She was in the process of opening the door to her room before she noticed her friend. Waving a hoof, she greeted,

"Oh, hey Twilight, I just got back from practicing some spells near the lake. Normally I'd do them here, but the weather is much better than yesterday. I couldn't resist it even if it were a bit exhausting."

"I don't blame you, I felt like going outside today, but I got sucked into a neat little book. And speaking of such..."

Twilight used magic, making the "letter" Anon wrote for Starlight appear. As Starlight took it with her magic, Twilight realized Anon wrote one of equal size for her.

"Oh dear, it's likely not a love letter if he wrote one for her too...oh well, a mare can hope, though."

"What is this? It says my name on the cover but nothing else."

Rubbing the back of her head, Twilight continued,

"I'm not sure, really; Anonymous wrote it. He wrote one for me too. I have no clue what they're about."

Rubbing her chin, Starlight shrugged and set it aside on her bed.

"Thanks, Twilight; I'm going to take a shower and read it when I'm done. Catch you later!"

As Starlight closed the door, Twilight made her way back to the library room, but it an increased pace.

"I think I'll read Anon's letter now. It can't be bad at all....can it?"

Twilight locked the door to the library room and sat down on the chair, ready to read the letter.

Spike chilled on his bed and held in his claws a weird-looking magazine. He found it on the floor in Anon's house, and curiosity got the better as he took it during his last run to the man's house. Spike was sure he wouldn't mind; he would, after all, take it back when he was done with it. But the title was a bit strange and had many smiling mares on the cover.

"Hmm, what's in this.......WOAH!!! HOLY GUACAMOLE!"

There were butts....nothing but butts. Big butts, fit butts, younger butts, some butts more mature than others, and it wasn't even limited to just mares. There were griffins, minotaurs, donkeys, and much more. It was just butts and more butts, and he didn't know what to think.

"I.....I....need to read more....."

As he turned a page, he landed on the centerfold and saw the most enormous booty he'd ever laid eyes on. There it was in its greatest glory. The mare in the photo could only be described in one word...

One year ago.......

"Thicc!"

A mare with a rather large rump passed Anonymous, making the man turn his head and admire the wonderfully shaped rear end. Spike also turned his head, but he didn't fully understand the big deal.

"Huh? What are you talking about, Anon?"

Shaking his head out of the rear-end-induced daze, Anon rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Well, Spike....you see......okay, bro, I'm going to level with you. Look at that lady over there."

The man pointed to the lady who had just passed them, and Spike still couldn't understand the big deal.

"So what? It's just some random lady."

Facepalming, Anon pointed at another mare across the street.

"Concentrate, Spike, what do you see? There's a detail that stands out."

The dragon concentrated hard but couldn't understand what he was looking for. To him, it just seemed like a random mare.

"I...I just don't get it. What is it?"

A grin appeared on the man's face, and he replied with the word that no bird had ever heard before.

"Thicc. It's Thicc, Spike. She's an absolute unit. You might not understand now, but trust me. You soon will.'

Scratching his head in confusion, Spike tried his best to understand.

"Thick?"

"No, bro, THICC. With two letter Cs. Ladies are built a certain way. And the best way is THICC."

Anon put a hand on the dragon's shoulder, and Spike looked into his eyes.

"It will come to you one day, and you'll understand what I mean. It will change your life....forever. You'll know what to do when the time is right."

"THICC! DAYUM! SHE'S A UNIT!"

And that very day, his sack grew three times larger, signifying he finally leveled up.