Twilight Sparkle was nervous and excited at the same time. In her possession was Anonymous' letter/book to her, and she didn't know what to expect.

"Okay, is this a friendship report? A love letter? Well, here goes nothing."

Setting the cover page aside, Princess Twilight quickly noticed the format was that of a story. Now her curiosity was piqued.

"A short story? Oh, how exciting!"

Twilight Sparkle stood in the main chamber of the overly pretty purple crystal castle that replaced her tree house library, which burnt to the ground due to Tirek's flaming pee-pee. Despite that, it contained the charm of a stale library that smelled of old pages and elderly mares past their ovary expiration date. It had books too, which was all that mattered to her. It was also the main feature of the castle, along with the friendship map. She wouldn't admit it publicly, but she considered the books more important to her than the map.

"I sure do love books!" said Twilight to nopony in particular without any prompt or reason.

Books were everywhere, which was expected in a library. After the bonfire of her old house, the smaller purple pretty Princess Twiley begged the bigger and better blinding light Princess Sunnybutt for more monies. It took plenty of "pretty pleases!" and many cakes made by the Cakes, but the money eventually flowed freely into her royal bank account. And every single bit of it was spent on books. It didn't matter if the local orphanage needed the funds; books came first.

Busting through the door, Spikey the BAMF pointed at the Princess and said,

"My lady liege! Something is happening at the local book fair! You are needed NOW!"

Princess Twily stood up and resolved to face whatever happened at the book fair. Details didn't matter unless they were in the books, which ALWAYS mattered to her. Hoping on Spike's back, she slapped his butt with a horsewhip she conjured herself from her horn. Spike sprinted out of the castle towards Poonyville's village square, which was square-shaped. Spike had no issue running so fast, as this physical endeavor wasn't difficult for him. He opted to eat weights for breakfast instead of rainbow-colored gems he used to eat too to get swoll.

The corrupted and constantly rigged Mayor, also known as Mare, jumped two backflips in joy at the sight of the superior Princess.

"Your majesty! Thank you for coming here quickly. I'm utterly useless and corrupt. I can't get enough bribes to fix this issue alone."

Twilight jumped off Spike and greeted the useless local politician.

"Fear not, for I am here presently now. What problem has bothered this wonderful convention of sandwiched reading papers?"

The mayor pointed at the convention, and the books were stacked somewhat haphazardly and out of order. This was no good, as nopony would be able to spend the useless FIAT currency, which was not backed by gold.

"Oh, noes! If it's out of order, nopony will be able to buy what they want with their useless debt-backed currency!"

The mayor went, "!?" Spike's hand covered her mouth before the low-level government stooge could further ask questions.

"Stand back, everypony! Your wonderful royal ruler will solve this emergency."

The crowd of measly six ponies, all betas and nerds, stood back and out of her way. Using a magically excellent magic spell, Twilight zapped all the books, and a tornado formed out of them. It spun until the books magically sorted themselves in the best way possible, known as the right way.

"There you go, fellow losers! Books for all to be found!"

A donkey behind her blew a bugle half-assed and played her anthem, which sounded like farts. The ponies mildly applauded at the significant overreaction to the problem.

"The day is saved, Sir Spike the BAMF! Let us depart to Cantaloupe and tell Princess Sunny of our feats!"

The buff-ass dragon nodded and carried her on his back. He jumped far in a single leap to Cantaloupe. This was due to him not skipping leg day like a pussy. Busting through the stained glass and into the main throne room, Twilight announced herself in the royal Cantaloupe voice.

"FRUIT MARES!"

The court was full of two princesses; the rest consisted of NPCs. They applauded with their hoof stomping. Some got cut by the shattered glass, but that wasn't important.

"Princess Twiggy! You have arrived epically! Thank you for removing that eye-sore stained glass window. I don't even remember what it depicted on the account I never looked up, but I'll bet it was filled with fail."

Princess Looney Mooney cheered and hollered in agreeance while Spike's fist bumped relentlessly.

"Thank you, Princess Sunbutt. I solved a book problem in the town. It was bad, but I solved it because I'm an obsessive-compulsive pony about books. I sure do love books!"

Celestia laughed in unison with Luna, and so did the other ponies in the room. Luna spoke up,

"Good to hear! But we have a present for thee! Come forth to her, thou!"

Using her super blue magic from her horn, Mooney lifted a fit man in a nicely made suit, carrying a bouquet of roses and a book called Making Mares Cum for Dummies. This was no ordinary man, for he was the only one of them all in the entire country.

"Hello! I am Mr. Unknown Placeholder. I want to be your best husbando. Your dad beat me up, and your mother gave me her blessing to totes knock you up for mutant offspring foals. Or something like that; your dad cracked my ribs, so I didn't pay attention. But he did call me son and was proud that I wanted to marry you after he started crying in happiness."

She sealed his lips shut using her purple-colored magic since he kept talking too much.

"You had me at hubando, foals, and the rest. Whatever it was you said, I didn't pay much attention, other than that you're hot and like books."

Mr. Placeholder didn't say he liked books, but he smiled like a retard because she was correct. Books tended to make one smart.

Everypony cheered at the soon-to-be-married couple, and the Sun Princess ordered the cooks to make a buffet right there, as well as a party too. She pulled out a can and opened it, causing a pink pony to appear like a genie wearing a Pizza turban.

"I am the greatest party genie! Pinkie Pizzer Pie! Your wish for a party is my command!"

The supernatural entity smashed her hooves, and magic stuff happened. The place was filled immediately with typical party decorations, albeit book themed. Taking in a big whiff of air, Twilight commented,

"Ah! Stale and old, just how a library is like!"

As everypony ate pizzas, they had to do so quietly. It was a library, after all. The silence was golden, and so were her books, man, and friends as they were shiny golden statues.

After the not boring party, Mr. Placeholder and Princess Purple lived happily ever after in the crystal library, doing nothing but reading books, banging like horny rabbits, and doing the bare minimum royalty stuff because it wasn't fun working.

The End

Princess Twilight had no clue what she had just read. The story, in its entirety, was utterly confusing and horrible in quality. She couldn't tell whether this was in jest or if he was genuinely serious. More importantly, she couldn't tell what Anon's intent was in sending her this.

"Maybe I need to reread it...."

For the next 30 minutes, she would read the story repeatedly in a vain attempt to find a hidden message or meaning. Ultimately, she set the story on the table and stared forward while blinking a few times. A small giggle began, then eventually evolved into a maniacal laugh. Her mane became increasingly disheveled before a creepy smile formed on her face.

"WHAT THE BUCK DID I JUST READ?!?!?!?!"

The laughing continued rising in volume before her right eye began to twitch.

"This is clearly a nervous attempt at a love confession letter! I sure do love books! HAHAHAHAHA! I mean.........there's still a chance, right?!"

The laughing eventually enveloped the room with echoes and no signs of abating. Twilight's mind had melted down, and only a hard reset would fix it.

Author's Note

The first story down, the other coming up. Who do you think the next victim will be?!