The Human and the Tall One

          I shit my pants. No it wasn't Slenderman (thank Celestia). It was about a dozen ponies. Faceless slender ponies. I spotted a few familiar faces in the group, Lyra, Carrot Top, even Derpy had become a slender pony, to see them like this was, was...

Fight them, now.

Shut up you inconsiderate little prick I growled.

yeah yeah, you still love me though.

Fuck you. I hate that voice.

          A flash, a very bright one as well, interrupted my thoughts. I turned to find Luna literally kicking 50 shades of black blue and purple out of three of the ponies. She looked like she had done this before, which I found a tad worrying. I turned back to the pack of ponies just in time to see Carrot Top jump straight at me. Another part of me kicked in and without a second thought I right hooked the mare. She crumpled. I looked over to Luna who was now in the air, using magic and her wings to blow the rest of the ponies back and tumble over their hooves.

          A sharp pain in my side caused me to fall to the ground in pain. I got up and turned to find my attacker and instead received two hooves to the face, shattering my nose in the process. I stumbled back, clutching my nose in pain. Before the pony could attack me again, I grabbed the faceless ponies head and butted it with my own, causing the pony to stumble back and fall to the ground. It didn't get up. I turned to face Luna, who had finished off the remaining ponies with what looked like a sleeping spell, and started to check myself over.

Not too bad, I thought. I had a bruised side, a broken nose, and a couple of scrapes and cuts. I felt my nose, and realized it wasn't bleeding, which was a big relief and bloody weird at the same time. It should have been bleeding.

     "Are you okay?", Luna asked watching me tend to my wounds.

"Yeah I'm okay, I've been through worse", I replied, rubbing my side and slightly wincing at the pain. "What did you do to the ponies?"

     "I cast a powerful sleeping spell on them, which should keep them asleep for a while, and maybe get rid of whatever is possessing them and taking away their faces", Luna quietly replied. "Are you in pain?".

          Without waiting for an answer, Luna flared up her magic and began quietly healing my wounds. I felt that same warm feeling I got back at Canterlot Castle, only this time I was ready for the icy cold feeling that came afterwards. It definitely felt better when I knew it was coming. Instantly my was had been fixed, which felt weird. The grazes, cuts and bruises disappeared, and the pain in my side quickly subsided.

     "Sorry about the cold", Luna sheepishly said, noticing my jaw was shivering.

"It's fine", I replied giving her a gentle smile. "Now, where should we go for food? I know, how about Sugercube Corner? I'm sure Pinkie Pie will have lots of cupcakes and other awesome treats made already!"

I brief mental image popped into my mind. I pushed it out immediately.

Why did you do that? I thought you liked Cupcakes? the voice spoke.

NO, you like Cupcakes you sick disembodied voice.

Hey hey hey, you were the one who read it in the first place.

Only out of curiosity, I replied exasperatedly.

Whatever, the voice trailed off.

"Is everything okay?" Luna worriedly asked. She must have noticed I spaced out.

     "Yeah, everything's fine. Now let's get some FOOD!" I shouted excitedly.

          I literally skipped to Sugarcube Corner, which was about thirty seconds away from where we were fighting the slender ponies. I ran inside, expecting to be welcomed by Pinkie bouncing up and down because she just met a new pony (person), but instead I was met by an empty house.

"Pinkie Pie?" I shouted, but I got no answer from the pink mare.

     "Muhahahahaha!"

I knew that laugh. That unmistakable evil laugh.

     "Discord!" I shouted excitedly. I couldn't wait to meet my favorite cartoon villain.

"Hmm, you know my name, I can't say that doesn't surprise me".

     "I know much more than just your name" I replied, a huge grin spreading across my face.

          There was a pause; then a bright light filled the room, I heard a popping teleport like sound, then as the light faded Discord, the spirit of chaos and awesomeness appeared, giving me a sinister looking stare.

     "I also know your name, Chris. And I also know you're a human".

"For crying out loud how does everyone know what I am? Have I been here before and not remembered?" I asked frustratingly.

     "I am Discord; I know many things. I know your name, I know you're a human, I know-"

"Yeah yeah I get the picture. Now could you magic up a pizza or something? I think my stomach has started to eat itself", I grumbled, rubbing my abdomen. At that point I looked at Luna, who was giving me that 'what the fuck?' look.

     "Ah Luna, it's been too long. When did we last see each other, hmm oh yes, it was when you and your wretched sister imprisoned me in stone!"

"WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE RULED EQUESTRIA AND MADE EVERYPONIES LIVES MISERABLE!" Luna shouted at Discord in the royal canterlot voice, which is bloody loud. I thought the windows were going to shatter.

     "Guys..."

"Hellooo, I'm the spirit of chaos and disharmony, it's in my nature".

     "YOU STILL SHOULD HAVE TONED DOWN YOUR HORRIFIC ACTS OF CHAOS!" Luna angrily replied.

"Guys...!"

     "Are you still not angry with me for what I said to you before to turned me into a statue?" Discord asked Luna.

"NO! I SAID THOSE THINGS BEFORE YOU DID, SO-"

     "GUYS!" I shouted, using my own brand of royal Canterlot voice; although it wasn't as loud as Luna's, it still got the their attention.

          Immediately, the pair stopped arguing, and Luna stared at me with a look of shock, wonder and 'who the fuck do you think you're talking to?' displayed across her face. It was actually quite amusing, knowing I had just told a princess to shut her trap. With an air of authority, I started barking orders.

     "Discord, magic up a pizza, or some kind of food, I am bloody starving. Luna, go and check upstairs to see if there's anyone up there. And please, no more arguing, I deal with this far to much back at home" I grumbled.

          Imagine my face when they both did as they were told straight away, no questions asked, no buts, nothing. I would be lying if I told you I didn't enjoy thoroughly enjoy that. Although I sounded like a complete dick.

     "Here is your 'pizza' master", Discord spoke sarcastically, levitating the pizza toward me.

"You know what pizza is?" I asked, confounded that ponies, well Discord knew what pizza was.

          Discord didn't bother replying, and instead slumped in the corner of the room tapping his hoof on the hard floor, it seemed like I annoyed him with my random outburst. Oh well, at least I had something to eat now.

          I looked at the pizza. It was nothing special; plain crust, tomato and cheese topping, just a simple pizza. I was still happy with it. I took one of the slices and wolfed it down hungrily, savoring the taste of cheese and tomato mixed with the lovely, crispy base. It was cooked to perfection.

     "You want a piece?" I asked Discord waving a slice towards him.

"Hmm, I suppose it won't harm to try a piece".

          Instead if taking the piece in my hand, he magicked up his own pizza, and started biting down on a piece. At that point Luna came trotting down.

     "Nopony is up there".

"Oh, hmm, where could they be?" I thought aloud. "Hey Luna, wanna piece of pizza?" I held a piece in her direction.

     "What is this 'pizza' you speak of?" Luna asked quizzically, levitating the pizza slice with her magic. The princess gingerly took a bite out of the slice. Her face instantly lit up and she started chewing fast.

     "Your princess likes this pizza!", Luna exclaimed, swallowing the pizza.

"Hey Discord, magic up another pizza for the princess, It's funny watching her eat".

     "What's so funny about the way I eat?" She asked, slightly annoyed.

"Your facial expressions, that's why it's so funny", I replied, smiling at Luna.

     "Hmph", she replied and started eating her own pizza.

     "So, what do you think we should do princess?" I asked. We had left Sugarcube Corner and were wandering aimlessly somewhere, unsure of what to do. I knew I needed a plan before I got here.

     "We should find Twilight Sparkle", Luna replied

"Oh I've missed that lovely little mare, she was the most I've had in years", Discord spoke.

     "Why are you still here? Shouldn't you be creating chaos somewhere and annoying everybody?" I asked

"Well, I should be, but all the ponies in Ponyville and Canterlot seem to have lost something" Discord said, smiling evilly again.

     "Their faces?"

"Yes, how did you know?" Discord asked, a a look of confusion spread across the draconequus' face.

     "Luna and I met a few of them, and kicked their flanks", I replied grinning at Discords face as it contorted into a large smile.

"Twilight Sparkle has put up a protection spell around her house", Luna announced, pointing with a hoof.

          I looked in the direction of Luna's hoof and sure enough, there was a giant bubble surrounding the massive tree house.

Twilight is still alive, well she isn't a slenderpony. Hopefully.

"Let's go then!" I shouted, and broke into a run.

          I slowed to a stop and stared at the library. It. Was. Huge. The height of the tree was average, same as earth; but the width was massive, wider than any tree I had seen on Earth, and I've seen a lot of trees.

          Suddenly without warning, the tree house and the ground vanished, only to be replaced with the inside of the library, and a very shocked Twilight Sparkle. Her shock, however, instantly turned to pure rage as soon as she saw Discord.

     "What have you done to Ponyville!?" Twilight shouted, seething with rage.

"Woah calm down Twilight, he hasn't done anything", I replied, raising my hands and glancing at Discord, who seemed unfazed by Twilight's reaction.

     "The human is telling the truth", Luna responded, looking at Twilight.

"Sorry princess", Twilight mumbled, staring at the ground, "I should have-"

     "There is no need to apologize, I understand why you reacted the way you did", Luna replied.

"Princess, what's happened to the ponies? They don't have faces and everypony is trying to attack me and-"

     "SLENDERPONY".

"Excuse me?" Twilight stared at me, confused.

     "Uh, forget what I said.We will explain when we get back to Canterlot" I replied.

          Twilight looked me up and down, an inquisitive look on her face, looking at every inch of my body and clothes, getting more curious and excited as she looked. It was starting to worry me.

     "So, you're a human?" She smiled excitedly. "I've never met a human before; well they are myths after all. But I can't believe they exist! What spells can you do? Can you show me please?" Her smile increased tenfold.

"Uh, non. And what d'ya mean myth? And why do you know what I am!?" I shouted, annoyed and confused at the same time. Not a good combination.

          Twilight stepped back, slightly shocked by my reaction, and turned to Luna.

"My sister will explain when we get back to Canterlot, but we must find your friends first Twilight." Luna spoke with an tone of authority. "Do you know where they are?"

     "Hey Discord, why don't you find them? You seem to have unlimited power; I'm sure you could find them. I asked.

"I'm not your personal assistant you know" Discord replied angrily. He really doesn't like me.

     "For crying out loud, forget it then Sir moans-a-lot."

"I'm bored, It's time to bring about a big old storm of chaos. Muhahahaha." Discord gleefully exclaimed; and with a pop, he vanished.

     "Oh dear sweet Celestia" Twilight cried.

"He's the least of our problems", I said, scratching my head.

     "How is he the-"

"Twilight, there's no time to explain. Discord isn't helping, although I would be surprised if he did; we must find your friends and return to Canterlot. Luna explained.

     "Uh, right. What Luna said", I spoke, "We've already tried Sugarcube corner, where should we try next Twilight?"

"How about Carousel Boutique? I'm sure Rarity will be there, she hasn't left her house ever since she started working on her new line of clothing."

     "Brilliant, let's go then" I replied, heading towards the door. Luna and Twilight followed.

It looks like it's gonna get dark soon.

Boy I wasn't looking forward to nighttime.

          We walked/trotted to Carousel Boutique in silence, the clopping of hooves on dirt being the only sound that accompanied us; until Twilight decided to bombard me with her endless tirade of questions she'd obviously been waiting to ask me.

"What's it like in your world?

Do you use magic?

Can you fly?

How old are you?

Are you sure you don't know any spells?

Do you have more advanced technology than ponies?

How long do you live; longer than a dragon?

Do you have dragons in your world?

How many of your kind live on in your world?

Are humans more powerful than-"

"TWILIGHT! Please, stop with the questions; you're giving me a headache" I shouted, rubbing my forehead.

     "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to upset you" Twilight mumbled, tearing up.

Oh jeez don't cry please?" I pleaded. It didn't seem to work. "How about I answer your questions?" I asked reluctantly.

Twilight perked up at that idea.

I took a deep breath.

     "Our world is chaotic, busy, crazy etc. No, I can't use magic because humans aren't magical. Yes we can fly, but we build machines that are capable of flight; that's how we fly.  I am 19 years old. No, I don't know any spells. Like I said, humans aren't magical. Human technology is a lot more advanced compared to pony technology. Humans live on average sixty to seventy years, although some humans have lived longer than a hundred years. No, we don't have dragons, about six billion humans live in my world and I don't know about the last question."

          I stopped walking and hunched over, panting and breathing in huge lungfuls of air. How does Pinkie Pie do it so easily?

          Twilight kept walking but slowed her pace slightly, zoned out and absorbing the torrent of information I pretty much shoved down her throat.

"Oh, and where's Spike?" I asked.  hoped he hadn't been turned into a slender dragon.

The fire! The fire would be so hot!

"He's helping Rarity at her boutique, and how do you know who Spike is?" Twilight questioned, giving me a suspicious look.

     "I'll explain later. For now, just assume its part of my power". I regretted it as soon as I said it.

"So you do have power?" Twilight asked, her face instantly lit up with excitement.

     "No no no, I mean, ugh. I'll explain later, can you just stop asking me please?" I asked, hoping she would stay quiet for the rest of the journey. Or at least for ten minutes.

"ugh, fine" Twilight glared at me and kept walking.

          We walked in silence once again. Twilight stayed quiet, and Luna hadn't said a word since we left the library.

          The thundering sound of a drum echoed throughout Ponyville, startling us all. Twilight looked around fearfully, trying to find the source of the noise.

Crap. This isn't good.

          I looked behind me, to the left, then to the right. Nothing. I slowly kept walking, eyes peeled.

BOOM Twilight screamed and ran towards Luna, grabbing her foreleg. I looked to the right, to the left, and behind me. Still nothing.

Definitely not good.

          We passed Sugarcube Corner and neared the town square. I looked around, and spotted the ponies Luna and I had defeated earlier. They were still sleeping soundly on the floor. I noticed their faces had returned. That was a good sign. Luna's spell seemed to be working.

"Princess, what happened to those ponies?" Twilight asked, pointing a hoof at them.

     "I cast a special sleeping spell on them so they wouldn't attack us again." Luna replied. "the spell should also stop whatever is possessing these poor ponies".

Twilight fell silent once again.

Not long til we get to Rarity's,

          The sound of a  drum echoed throughout Ponyville for a third time, startling Twilight, although not as bad as before. The drum was louder than before. not good in the slightest.

Clop. Clop. Clop. Clop

          I looked behind me, and instantly wished I hadn't. Luna and Twilight turned around and gasped in perfect unison.

"Well, we're fucked".