Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria

Beavis and Butt-Head Do Equestria: Friendship Sucks

By NocturneD

Pinkie Pie bounced off the train once the doors opened setting foot on Canterlot soil. She turned and waved for the others, "We're finally here guys!"

"Yes we know darling you've been saying that for the past fifty times." Rarity stepped off the train then stared at the pink pony shooting daggers at her.

The ponies stepped off while Twilight still had her bottom half hanging out the window from the horrible smell she caused earlier. Beavis and Butt-head still marveled at the memory of Twilight causing an level ten gas bomb. So horrible that it cleared the town forcing it to migrate. The purple unicorn tried to move herself off the window space. Butt-head looked at Beavis then back to Twilight's rear end. He reached up and smacked her ass as hard as he could. She let out a yelp and fell into the train. The purple unicorn raced out with anger written across her face. The two teens laughed uncontrollably. The pink and cyan pony as well. After a shout fest the gang made their way to the castle.

They rode on the flying chariots. Beavis looked over the edge and chuckled, "Hey Butt-head. Eh heh heh. Bet you I can hack a loogie and hit something from up here."

"Uh huh huh. Do it." Butt-head encouraged.

Meanwhile down on the ground level in Canterlot's market area. Smarty Pants and his trophy girlfriend Fleur were enjoying another festive day.

"Oh darling look! A rare diamond three crossed necklace!" Fleur dragged Smarty Pants over to the display.

Fancy Pants adjusted his monocle, "Well it does look smashing but what about the five crossed necklace I bought you last week?"

"It got lost after we visited Ponyville and got sick." Fleur fumed. "Can't believe I did that show for Rarity's sake."

Fancy Pants tried to ease her down like as if she were a spoiled child, "Now now my dear you don't have to get all worked up."

"Just buy me the necklace." Fleur beamed. "I want it to clash with my outfit for tomorrow night's high society party at the castle."

Fancy Pants opened up his wallet and sighed, "Just wished you weren't so demanding." He paid the diamond store owner and received the necklace. "Here you go my dove." He used his magic to wrap the necklace around her swan like neck.

Fleur checked herself in the mirror and smiled, "Some earrings would go nice with this."

Fancy Pants frowned, "Sometimes you're so full of spit it's raining out of the sky."

Just then a loogie hit Fleur in the eye. She screamed, "WHAT IN THE HOLY?"

Fancy Pants smirked, "Well that was rather filling."

Back up in the sky. Beavis and Butt-head looked down at the fancy town still riding the chariot. Beavis turned his attention to the pair of flying pegasus flying their chariot.

"Eh heh heh. So uh. Since you fly in the sky. Do you ever poop why flying?" Beavis chuckled.

The pegasus guards looked at each other, puckered their lip at the odd question then turned their attention back to where they were flying.

"Ah come on. It's a simple question." Beavis chuckled.

"Yeah talk about pussy whipped. Uh huh huh." Butt-head chuckled.

"Eh heh heh. Princess would probably kick their ass if they had a dirty butt hole." Beavis chuckled.

"Uh... Or would she?" Butt-head raised a good point.

Even the two guards knew the answer to this question but kept on flying.

"So uh. Does the princess like to get down?" Butt-head asked.

"Likes to get down?" Asked one of the guards.

"Uh. You know." Butt-head puts his index finger through the thumb and index finger of his opposite hand.

"We don't follow." The other guard replied.

"Eh. Has your princess ever had sex with you guys?" Beavis chuckled, "Because she seems like she's been around the block. Eh heh heh."

"Oh. Oh." One of the pegasus guards nodded, "Well once you mention it she does have strange tastes."

The one guard struck the one that was talking, "Silence. They don't need to know that."

"They already know Silver Bolt!" The aching guard defended himself. "Plus we all know that princess Celestia called you into her chambers last week. Then found you crying like a little filly outside her room."

"You told me that no pony else knows Thunder!" Silver Bolt shouted.

"Sorry you two Silver Bolt used to be a proud soldier." Thunder explained.

"Uh huh huh. What she do shove a broom up your ass?" Butt-head chuckled.

"... A cactus." Silver Bolt shivered.

Beavis and Butt-head's eyes widened but still laughed, Beavis spoke up, "Dude..."

"Uh huh. Your princess is messed up." Butt-head chuckled.

"Tell us about it." Thunder mumbled, "She wanted me to stick my entire head in her flank."

Beavis and Butt-head fell silent for ten seconds. Then started laughing again at the thought.

"You should have seen Twinkle get so scared when that princess comes. Uh huh huh." Butt-head brought up.

"Yeah. She's like... Ehhhhh sorry princess Corona please don't kick my ass! Eh heh heh." Beavis tried to mimic Twilight's scared voice but only ended up laughing through it.

Soon the two pegasus guards started snickering.

"Yeah that Twilight Sparkle is a kiss ass at times." Thunder chuckled.

Silver Bolt elbowed Thunder in the arm, "Quiet she's not that far with the next few carriages behind us."

The multiple carriages finally landed in front of the castle. The ponies and teens stepped off. Beavis and Butt-head complimented the two guards they had; as in saying they were cool and should hang out sometime. The two pegasus guards liked the idea and considered it, then flew off. Waiting for them at the top of the stairs was princess Celestia herself.

"Ah Twilight Sparkle. I'm delighted you came at an interesting time here at the castle." The princess smiled. The ponies, Spike and guards on duty bowed to her presence. Beavis picked his nose and Butt-head picked his butt instead. "Tomorrow night is going to be a tea ceremony to discuss matters. You and your friends are welcomed to attend."

Rarity lifted her head in enjoyment, "To mingle with high society I would be honored!"

Twilight smirked, "Well. Rarity decided for us. I guess we can attend." She blushed, "Oh um. Princess this is an embarrassing question to ask but... um." She wiggled her smelly flank.

"Oh yes. The echoing spell. And if I remember the intensifying spell as well." Celestia rubbed her chin as she walked around Twilight to examine the problem.

"Yeah. Twilight really had the loudest farts in Ponyville." Beavis chuckled.

Rarity sighed, "Yes now Sweetie Belle is driving my parents crazy with her excessive farting."

Twilight let out a fart only to intensify the smell more. She blushed, "Sorry..."

Celestia waved her smell away the best she could, "Well. It's going to take some work but if you want to attend the party tomorrow we're going to have to do this tonight."

"Right princess. I'll do anything." Twilight as usual kissed ass.

Butt-head leaned into Beavis's ear and whispered, "You think she's going to shove a cactus up there?" Beavis chuckled in return.

The next night the party was commencing. Respected high class and nobles attended. Beavis and Butt-head were even dressed thanks to Rarity remembering to keep a pair of clothing for them in her suitcase. The smell from Twilight's ass has been cleansed with a spell and a bath. Though Celestia thought it was funny that she put an air freshener on Twilight's horn. Oh Trollestia. What will we ever do with you?

To Twilight's surprise her brother Shining Armor and his new wife Cadence attended. They had good news to share with her.

"Hello sister. I take it that life in Ponyville is still going well?" Shining Armor smiled.

"Oh it is!" Twilight smiled, then frowned in embarrassment, "Just a little accident that made the whole town evacuate. That's why I'm here."

"It is good seeing you again Twilight Sparkle." Cadence smiled.

"We do have good news though. You're going to be an aunt." Shining Armor announced.

Twilight gasped, "That's terrific!"

Cadence on the other hand wasn't as excited as Shining Armor was.

"A BABY?" Pinkie popped in. "THAT CALLS FOR A BABY SHOWER!" The pink pony threw party streamers into the air.

Beavis and Butt-head were just standing near a giant pony statue looking at all the different ponies. So far, everything was boring as usual. They figured they go and find those guards but since the castle was so big it was going to be impossible.

Princess Luna wasn't too crazy about the two teens but decided to make herself a good host and talk with them. "We take it thou are enjoying the ceremony?"

"Uh... no." Butt-head answered honestly.

"This party sucks." Beavis chuckled.

Luna sighed in agreement, "We agree just noble ponies here. Thou want to request a form of entertainment?"

"Yeah. We're are Thunder and Silver Bolt?" Butt-head asked.

"Eh heh heh. Yeah those two are cool!" Beavis shook his arms quickly.

"We shall put in a request for those two to be sent up to join the party." Luna nodded.

"Damn straight." Butt-head replied. "Those two are the only guards that aren't pussies."

Luna retrieved the two young pegasus ponies from guard duty from guard duty and asked them to join the party to entertain guests. The two figured they get some good food in their stomaches before eating another trayful of crap they call food. Thunder and Silver avoided Celestia like the plague and found their way to Beavis and Butt-head.

"Hey it's you two again." Thunder greeted. "I take it that parties like these aren't your taste."

"Every one here is plain boring." Butt-head chuckled. "And Twilight's brother sucks as bad as she does."

Thunder and Silver turned their necks to see Shining Armor talking with his sister Twilight while Cadence was looking at the four of them. They gasped and turned their heads. "Oh crap. It's her."

"Eh heh heh. You said crap." Beavis pointed out.

"Just turn around and look busy so she doesn't come over here!" Thunder turned the teens around.

"Uh why?" Butt-head asked.

"Because!" Thunder whispered and tried to change the conversation, "So I heard you two were from a far away land?"

"I come from my house dumb ass!" Butt-head was annoyed. He saw the pony they wanted to avoid was wandering over to them.

Silver looked back and whispered, "Oh crap she's coming over."

"I don't think I have the pleasure of knowing you two creatures." Cadence stopped in front of the two teens.

"Uh hey. How's it going?" Butt-head was suave.

Cadence put on an interested smile, "I'm princess Cadence." She sighed in dread, "My husband Shining Armor is over there with his sister talking away."

"Yeah. She never shuts up." Beavis frowned in an annoyed look.

Cadence sighed, "Tell me about it."

"So is Shitting Armor a big dork like Twinkle?" Butt-head chuckled.

The pegasus ponies never cared for Shining Armor but found it amusing and snickered. Cadence chuckled as well. "Oh yes. At first he used to be all charming, loyal and a romantic. Now all he talks about is the baby. The baby. The baby I'm carrying inside of me. The baby isn't even his. It's one on of you two." The two pegasus ponies backed away slowly. Cadence turned her head, "Hold it you two."

"Uh. Yes lady Cadence?" The two tried to be respectable.

"We have something to discuss. I would like to be in a private area if you don't mind." Cadence ordered.

Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash pulled Beavis and Butt-head back into the circle of the ceremony where cake and tea would be served. A decision that would be later be better regretted. Unfortunately Blue Blue entered the room, demanded to be announced that he has arrived. Beavis and Butt-head were too busy making farting sounds with their arms.

"Hello to you all. Sorry I'm la..." Blue Blood was cut off by Beavis blowing on his hand.

"Hey Beavis. Machine gunner." Butt-head broght both his hands together to his mouth and started making rapid farting noises.

"Excuse me. But it's rather rude to be talking when I'm talking." Blue Blood frowned.

"Uh... We were doing this a lot longer before you came in." Butt-head replied still blowing on his hands.

"Yeah. You interrupted us." Beavis chuckled.

"I do declare making instrumental noises with their hands." Fancy Pants lifted his monocle in interested, "Fascinating."

Fluttershy was excused earlier and came back in to sit down with traumatized eyes.

Rarity looked over, "Fluttershy dear you looked like you see a ghost."

Fluttershy didn't know what to say, she say something that might break something happy. "I uh... nevermind."

"Are you sure darling if it's bothering you can tell us afterwards." Rarity patted Fluttershy's back.

Beavis was eating more cake than usual then helped himself to another piece and another.

"So back to my order of business. I would like to see money entrusted to my colleagues so we can finish our business back in..." Blue Blood tried to finish his state of business to Celestia and the other nobles. Butt-head made another fart sound with his hand. Blue Blood turned to him with a death glare, "I say if you make one more sound I will be sure you sit in a dungeon!"

"Oh yeah?" Butt-head dared, "Who's going to make me?"

"I'm intrigued." Fancy Pants remarked.

"Oh hush up you!" Blue Blood shot a glare at Fancy Pants.

"I beg your pardon?" Fancy Pants stared back at him.

"You heard me. You and your harlot lady friend!" Blue Blood shouted.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Fleur stood up.

"Blue Blood please just apologize so we can get back to business." Celestia ordered.

"Over my dead body!" Blue Blood defended.

Beavis was eating more and more cake. Drank five cups and entire pot of sugar tea.

"I SIR CHALLENGE YOU DO A DUEL!" Blue Blood challenged Fancy Pants.

"I don't do challenges from spoiled brats." Fancy Pants coughed.

"I demand satisfaction!" Blue Blood ordered.

"Settle down Blue Balls." Butt-head chuckled.

"YOU!" Blue Blood was angry, "I challenge you then!"

"Eh. No..." Butt-head chuckled, he looked over to Beavis who was shaking more than usual with his teeth chattering. "But I know someone is willing to kick your ass. Uh huh huh."

Suddenly the serving table erupted by turning over spilled cake and tea. Beavis pulled his dress shirt over his head, "I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL CORNHOLIO! I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!"

"I never like either one of you two urchins once I laid eyes on you." Blue Blood said with pride. "Choose your weapons to duel with."

"TP! I DEMAND TO DUEL WITH TP!" Beavis shook furiously.

"KILL HIM BEAVIS FLUTTERSHY GOT YOUR BACK!" Rainbow Dash egged the fight on.

Blue Blood stepped up to Beavis with dangerous eyes armed. The other ponies sat there silently not wanting to get in the way. Princess Celestia warned Blue Blood one more time only for him not to listen. Blue Blood swung at Beavis only for him to duck. Beavis now had an opening behind the spoiled prince then bent his leg back then swung.

"Ooooh right in the family jewels." Dash chuckled.

Blue Blood fell over holding his crotch then gasping for air.

"I do say that was a wonderful tactic." Fancy Pants tilted his head.

Cadence came back into the room and missed all the action. She saw Blue Blood on the floor and Beavis pacing back and for calling himself the great Cornholio. Fluttershy couldn't take it anymore, she stood up and shouted, "I SAW PRINCESS CADENCE HAVING RELATIONS WITH THE GUARDS!"

Every pony gasped, Twilight especially, "Fluttershy don't play games like that!"

"She's not, that Can't Dance pony admitted it." Butt-head chuckled. "She even said the baby wasn't even Shitting Armors."

"WHAT?" Shining Armor gasped. "Cadence why?"

"BECAUSE I'M NOT HAPPY!" Cadence shouted. "I WAS NEVER HAPPY! THE BABY IS NOT YOURS BECAUSE THE DOCTOR SAID YOU CAN'T GET IT UP! PLUS I HATE YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!"

"BUNGHOLIO SAYS YOU'RE BAD IN BED!" Beavis shook violently.

"Uh huh huh. You got a broken wiener." Butt-head said to Shining Armor.

Chairs were thrown, alliances were broken, threats were made and relationships ended.

Discord was watching this all on his television. He pressed his fist against his cheek and laughed as he laid down on his couch. He sat up and started shouting, "JERRY JERRY JERRY!"

Meanwhile back in the real world. Nightmare Jinn has found her way in opening another portal to Equestria. For she was ready to set the Equestria on fire. Van Dreissan was in a mental hospital with a straight jacket on shouting doomsday prophecies. Apparently Jinn did horrible things to him. She broke his mind.

Jinn took one last look at Highland. And spoke in an echoing vicious tone, "When I'm done with Equestria I'll be back to destroy this place. So many things to purge... So little time..."

Beavis was now outside in the courtyard pacing back and forth in front of the Discord statue. He looked up with his arms raised, "ARE YOU THREATENING ME? LONG LIVE THE ALL MIGHTY BUNGHOLE!"

Slowly the horn in his pocket started to vibrate like crazy.

"BEHOLD THE ALL MIGHTY STIFFY OF CORNHOLIO!" Beavis chanted.

"So how often does he do this?" Celestia watched from the balcony.

"Oh. Mr. Butt-head says whenever he eats a lot of sugary foods he does this." Pinkie bounced, "He's really fun like this too!"

Twilight was in the corner of the room in a fetal position. Her brother's marriage has ended and she wasn't going to be an aunt after all.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY BUNGHOLE?!" Beavis chanted.

Discord poured a glass of wine, "This is just too perfect." He sipped his wine, "Shining Armor and Cadence's wedding was at first like the royal wedding. Now it's like the Kardashian's." He roared in laughter. "Just a little more and I'll be at full power."