Diaries of the Anonymous Filly

The town of Ponyville... How could one best describe it? It was a subtle mix of uniformity and individuality when looked at from above. Most of the homes appeared to be a mix of wood and adobe, with thatched roofing. That said, there was also a part of town that appeared to be full of colourful tents. Perhaps migrant workers who had homes to return to in the winter months? Then there were the buildings that could be considered landmarks.

From where we were, above the town, I could see a few of them. There was the clocktower and town hall out in the middle of town. Not far from that was the spa. Then, I shit you not, there was this place that looked like someone went overboard decorating their Christmas gingerbread house. Apparently that was Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie Pie works and boards. Other than that, in the middle of the tent cluster was a building that look like someone built a home out of a fairground carousel, which was the aptly named Carousel Boutique—Rarity's place.

Further out, near the edges of town, there were several farms. While there were plenty that looked to have normal crops, the most eye-catching was the one that just seemed to be a huge orchard of tall trees. As I pointed it out to Twilight, she just called it Sweet Apple Acres and jokingly told me to guess who lived there. The place was positively huge, so when she explained that Applejack and her brother Big Macintosh did most of the harvesting save for visits from the extended family, you could understand my disbelief.

I tactfully chose not voice my opinion on the pitfalls of a lack of crop diversity. If they had so much work to do harvesting all those apples, but they didn't make enough to hire on more field hands, that told me that they probably didn't have nearly the amount of demand that their farm produced to meet. Even if they were converting a good portion to cider and other products... Could they continue to stay afloat like that?

Our family didn't own a farm back home, but as soon as I was old enough to follow instructions, I was regularly sent off to the farm down the road to work in exchange for produce. Back then, I didn't understand the concept or the ethical implications of child labour, but it always struck me as odd that my father was always at home, but I was working to bring home food as young as eight. Still, the farmer was a nice guy, and often talked about things like crop-rotation, crop diversity, and the like. So some of that stuck with me.

Wonder if I shouldn't offer a helping hand as thanks for her part in welcoming me to town.

Another thing that Twilight mentioned during our flight—well, her flight and my disk ride—was that Applejack and Rarity had sisters attending the classes at the Ponyville schoolhouse, although they were about a year older than me. It was explained to me, though, that due to the smaller population of the town, I would likely be placed in the same group as the other older students. Although I wasn't expected to become friends with those fillies, it was expected I at least treat them well out of respect for their sisters.

"There's the schoolhouse up ahead, Anon," Twilight eventually pointed out, changing her vector slightly to give me a better view. Or maybe she was preparing for a landing while accounting for Prancer's Floating Disk? "I know you don't think you'll be able to relate with foals your own age, but I think you'll come out better for the time you'll spend with them." Much to my surprise, she actually seemed a bit dejected saying this. "I still find myself wishing I'd spent more time with Moon Dancer, Lyra, Minuette, Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine while we went to school together. When I was your age I should've been cherishing those days, but I threw myself into my studies under Princess Celestia and it was never really the same; I don't want you having those same regrets."

Ugh! I don't know how many more times I can listen to her saying things like this. Just when I thought she was starting to get me, she went and said something that just pisses me right off. Why can't she seem to recognise that I never asked to be made a child, and that being reminded of that fact only serves to royally cheese me off. If anything that underdeveloped foal brain of mine just rebelled at the thought and wanted to do something to spite her, and although I usually had the self-control to resist such puerile impulses, I kinda wanted to indulge that childishness.

With that new goal in mind, I waited for the perfect opportunity. While we were too high in the air, I couldn't exactly just jump down. Even as an earth pony with their vaunted strength and durability, I didn't fancy finding out from just how high I'd need to fall to break something. So I waited until we were about twenty feet up, just at the edge of what seemed to be a playground. There were several tall trees, from some of which had swings, and we were just passing over the top of a nice birch when I decided to make a break for it.

Keeping quiet so as not to alert her to my miniature mutiny, I hopped backwards with a prayer. I still wasn't exactly clear on the strength of my own body, so I didn't trust a full-on jump to not just invert my forward momentum and throw me back past the tree. Probably for the best; without all that much noise, I plunged into the leafy green foliage. Unfortunately, my estimation was a bit off, and while I smashed through several twigs, I shot through the canopy entirely without striking a single branch.

While I was beginning to regret my decision, I didn't allow myself to lose focus. Coming up beneath me was a large horizontal limb that looked like it ought to have had an old tire dangling from it. That said, it wasn't directly in my path, so I needed to do something to catch it. Then, an incredibly stupid, dangerous, and fun idea struck me.

Something I'd read about back on Earth, but never witnessed first-hand, was gymnastics. I remembered reading about people at a circus performing astounding feats of acrobatics, such as someone using a bar, to swing back and forth at increased velocities until they were able to completely loop the bar. What I wanted to do was a complete reversal of that. Just catch the branch, loop around a few times, and then increase the grip of my hoof field to arrest my momentum.

Sounds simple, right?

Well, the first and third step went off without a hitch, but I forgot to account for one very important thing: the bark. The moment I tried to tighten my hold, the outermost layer tore beneath my grip just as my body was perpendicular with the ground. The result was that I shot out across the schoolground at an acute angle toward the ground. My heart pounded in my chest as I tucked myself into a tight ball.

I was incredibly lucky to not land on my neck, but rolling with a fall wasn't a strange concept. Next to how to operate a firearm, how to fall was probably the only other useful thing my father taught me. "Listen, Nemo," he'd said to me one afternoon after I'd come back bruised and slightly bloodied from playing in the forest around our cabin. "If you're gonna be out fuckin' around in those woods, you need to learn roll with whatever spills you take. We just can't afford to have you laid up for months when you could be out gettin' food. Can barely afford you and your sisters as is."

Sure, this was a really awkward fall, but like the bastard said. Gotta roll with it. So it was that I came out of it, flat on my back just a short distance from an unused jungle gym, in the middle of the barren school playground. "Fuck yeah!" I cried out with a victorious whoop. I couldn't help but bust out in laughter. I could just imagine what he'd say about my acrobatics, and that spiteful part of me sneered at his memory. "How's about that, old <>!?"

As I lay there laughing and staring up at the sky, a familiar purple horse stood over me. Her face was contorted in worry as she stared down at me. "Anon, you scared me half to death!" She kept her voice level, but I was pretty sure I could make out a vein throbbing at her temple. Plus, her mane was getting disheveled as if in response to her emotional state. Definitely pissed her off. "I landed in front of the school and you weren't there! I thought you'd fallen somewhere over Ponyville without my noticing!"

She gestured to the tree I'd used in my 'landing strategy'. There were deep grooves in the outstretched branch I'd used as a gymnastics bar, where my hoof fields had shredded into the bark. "Then I turn around just in time to watch you do that," her voice grew hoarse, and she looked like was ready to cry. "What were you thinking? I was so scared and worried, Anon..."

A bubble of something I hadn't allowed myself to feel in a long time began to worm its way out of my belly and into my chest. Sure, I wanted to do something to spite her for projecting her own wasted childhood on me, and constantly being on my case about how I had to have been a child—and what did I go and do? I went and indulged my childishness, and I proved her right, but more than that, I seriously scared her. I actually felt guilty over what I'd done.

Even as I rolled over and hopped back onto my hooves, Twilight's back legs buckled and she began to breathe heavily. She was muttering something about being unfit, and how Princess Celestia was going to be so disappointed in her. Her breath was picking up, and I knew from my own firsthand experience that she was slipping into an anxiety attack—one brought on by my actions... Her expression had morphed entirely into one of terror.

What was I supposed to do in this sort of situation? Outside of doing whatever was needed to get by, or buying things from shops, I never spent much time around others or making friends, so I didn't really know how to help ease her pain, and I didn't think she'd be receptive to my own methods. But Twilight was a pony, rather than a human. They were much more tactile than we were, so maybe...

Careful not to touch her wings, I went to her side and wrapped my forelimbs around her midsection. "Breathe, Twilight," I whispered, my chin pressing into the small of her back. "In for four, hold for two, out for four." I just sat there, hugging her and feeling her breathe. When she seemed to no longer be hyperventilating, I slowly released her. "Atta girl."

As I stepped back, she turned to look at me with a confused look. "Anon, you... But..." Oh, yeah. After seeing me so touch averse the whole time I've been here, having me hug her to calm her down was probably short-circuiting her brain. Well, may as well short-circuit it more."Why?"

Bowing my head solemnly, I kneeled before her. "Twilight, I owe you an apology," I said, looking up to meet her eyes. "All this time, you've been treating me like a child of your own species, not accepting that my kind could mature at different rate to account for what you would consider a shorter lifespan. Then you started going on about your childhood and sounding like you wanted to live vicariously through me." Turning away, I sighed and tapped the side of my head with my hoof. "I allowed this underdeveloped foal brain to convince me to do something childish and impulsive to spite you—that if you wanted to treat me like a foal, maybe I should start behaving like one. That was wrong of me, and I will accept whatever punishment you have in store for me."

Even as I turned my attention to the schoolhouse, I could feel her gaze bearing down on my back. "I think you and I need to have a long talk when we get home," she said in a tone that broached no argument after a long wait. Surprisingly, it sounded apologetic, rather than angry. "I believe that we've both been unfair to one another, but for now, we've got a meeting to attend."

~ 04 ~

The schoolhouse itself was a small building, made up of a single classroom, with an accompanying L-shaped hallway with cubbies to stash belongings, and a few paintings on the wall. At one end, there was a hatch with steps down into a basement, which either served as an emergency shelter or some other purpose. I could hear the voices of some foals coming up from there, but aside from the word newspaper, I didn't really catch anything that sounded important.

Aside from the cerise earth pony at a large desk at the front of the room, the class was completely empty. It was after two in the afternoon though. That left me really curious... if there was only one room and one teacher, and the building was mostly empty in the afternoon, then the two age groups must attend on alternating days. Not only that, but there aren't all that many student desks in the room—just fifteen. I couldn't imagine they were straight up going until late teens in batches, so did ponies here just receive a bare necessity before being moved to another facility? Or was the existence of cutie marks something that allowed most ponies to just specialise their educations?

"Sorry we're a bit tardy, Ms. Cheerilee," Twilight apologised, giving me a sidelong look as I stood beside her. "Somepony found an opportunity to misbehave that she couldn't refuse."

Despite the accusation in her eyes, there was a bit of playfulness in her voice. "Yeah, I couldn't believe it when you tilted every painting on the way in," I responded with a mischievous smile. "I bet walking down that hallway's going to give someone with obsessive-compulsive tendencies such a headache."

For a moment, both ponies had a bugged-out look in their eyes as they stared at me. I could tell Twilight was silently wondering if I hadn't actually gone and done that while she wasn't looking. "I kid, I kid," I admitted, sitting down to raise my forehooves placatingly. "It's nice to meet you, Ms. Cheerilee. I'm new to Equestria and this whole 'being a small equine' business, but my guardian here tells me that attending your school would be the best way to socialise me with 'ponies my own age'."

Twilight covered her face with a hoof and grumbled something before smiling at Cheerilee. "This is Anon," she explained, gesturing to me. "As she indicated, due to circumstances outside of her control, she was brought to this world and ended up being turned into a pony. Princess Celestia has entrusted me with her care, but as much as I can teach her about magic, history, or the sciences, there are things that I can't teach her, like how to be a filly, how to enjoy her youth, or how to fit in."

"I see," the teacher said, sizing me up. She took a small booklet of papers and a pencil and led me over to a desk. "While I have a discussion with Twilight to get a better idea of where your learning is and where we'll need to work with you to catch up, I'd like you to fill this out."

Her eyebrow raised a bit as I hopped onto the chair without complaint and seized the pencil with my hoof. At the top there was a blank line for my name, which I quickly filled with 'Anonymous' before giving the pencil a quick twirl with my hoof field. After that, it was a bunch of questions on a scale of strongly agree to strongly disagree. Nothing knowledge based.

I glanced to the front of the room, where Twilight was whispering quietly with Ms. Cheerilee. Occasionally, the two would look back at me, but for the most part their backs were to me. Deep down, I knew it was more than my education being discussed there. I'd eat my pillow if my difficulties weren't brought up. How will she handle having a student like me? Would she even be equipped to handle someone who might snap if their personal space isn't respected? Maybe Twilight was even asking her for references for foal therapists.

It took me a while to fill out the questionnaire, as I encountered a few questions I didn't have certain cultural points of reference. That said, much like when I encountered unfamiliar moon-glyphs, there were usually context clues present. I reckon they probably didn't expect me to take only twenty minutes, though. Then again, it was just asking me to shade in a circle corresponding with my answer.

"You're finished already?" Cheerilee asked, taking the pamphlet. She didn't look to be using any sort of answer key, but whatever it was she was doing clearly made sense to her. "Most fillies and colts I give the Neigher Bridge personality quiz take closer to an hour to complete." Her eyebrow perked as she glanced at the answers I picked. "Are you sure you wouldn't like more time to consider your answers?"

I shook my head. "No, Ms. Cheerilee." I continued to fidget with the pencil, using the flexibility of my hoof field to spin it. Wow, it's almost as good as having fingers! "I don't wholly understand some of the cultural references—such as of Hearth's Warming, Hearts and Hooves, Nightmare Night, or the Summer Sun Celebration—although for some of them I was able to estimate cultural equivalents from back home."

There was nothing more to do but watch as she passed the pamphlet to Twilight to see if she concurred with the results. "INFJ," Twilight said in a somewhat surprised tone. "I had you pegged as more of an ENTP, although I know these tests are pretty arbitrary as they are heavily influenced by what a pony is feeling at the time they take it."

From there, Cheerilee asked me a number of questions. History and social studies were where I bombed the most, but given that I've been here a little over a month, that was to be expected. Most of my time had been spent learning to read. Now that I could read, I would only be learning faster and faster. I had the barest understanding of magic, although I wasn't expected to know all that much at my age. Then again, I think it was a bit of a surprise to her that I would have a mark in magic, especially as an earth pony.

My maths were by far the strongest, alongside basic sciences. Admittedly, there were likely things I'd have to relearn as they wouldn't be applicable in this world, but as Cheerilee put it, anything that I need to learn there seemed to be outside the basic level she was responsible to teach, and would fall to whoever I would apprentice under in later years. That said, if I chose to attend her classes, my help in tutoring others wouldn't be unwelcome.

That actually caught me off guard. If I chose to. Like it was optional? I'm pretty sure Twilight is convinced I should attend either way, and to be honest, I'm not ENTIRELY opposed to the thought of experiencing a legitimate school setting instead of just having memories of being taught by my Mom. The only thing that really puts me off is the idea that I'd be around foals. If they were anything like my sisters, they were likely to be loud, wild, and conniving. At the same time, though, I think a lot of the problems they gave me were because of our father's utter disinterest in their lives and my having to help raise them as a result. Maybe just being able to be friends would be easier without my fucked-up family dynamic.

"Honestly, although you need to be brought up to speed in history and social studies, you're ahead of the curve compared to most of my students, and I fear you might be understimulated in my classes," she concluded, looking apologetically to Twilight. "Attendance would have you interacting fillies and colts your own age, and that seems to be the primary justification for doing so, but I cannot in good conscience force you."

I chewed my lip and began to idly trace the tip of my hoof around on the desk. She was giving me an out here. By her own admission, my studies would benefit more from studying under Twilight than in a schoolhouse. At the same time, though, she was also right that I could be helpful, and I did need to learn how to interact with ponies. It was a tough decision.

As much as I hated being treated like a child, I was being given a unique opportunity to have a new start. Could I really just suck up my pride, give up the last of my humanity and play the good little filly? Was there some sort of balance I could find? I'd love to keep some of my independence but also experience some the things I missed out the first time around.

Sucking in a breath, I glanced at Twilight. "Part of me would love to take your offer to skip school, and just study full-time under Princess Twilight," I said in an apologetic tone. The alicorn looked a bit peeved, but I just raised my hoof and continued, "We're in this awkward state right now, where she's not entirely convinced I was an adult of my species—I get where you're coming from, I really do—but I think that if I took that opportunity, I wouldn't be demonstrating the sort of maturity I keep insisting I have."

This time, I gave Twilight my full attention. "In this body, I don't seem to have nearly the amount of impulse control that I should have at 23 <> years." I felt my ears fold back. After what happened earlier, I wasn't sure I could trust myself on my own. "My head's a mess, and until I've got a better grasp on how to fight it, being here might be the better choice for me—even if I'm not exactly keen on being around children again," I admitted in a quiet voice. Look at where running away from my problems has gotten me... I've got to confront them eventually, and maybe going to school will give me the strength to face them.

I looked to Ms. Cheerilee, leaving Twilight to contemplate what I said. "What kind of schedule do your classes follow?" I asked, hopping down from the seat at the desk. "When would we start?"

"The younger and older classes alternate schedules," she explained, leading me over to a calendar on the wall near her desk. "One week, the junior class will have Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, while the senior class has Tuesday and Thursday, and then they switch up." I glanced at the date, noting that it was a Friday. "If you're interested in joining us, be here for 8am on Tuesday. All you need to bring are some notebooks, a saddlebag, a lunch, and some pencils."

That seemed simple enough. "Anything else we need to do?" I asked, nodding slightly, a grin revealing my teeth. "Paperwork? Blood sacrifice under a full moon? My immortal soul?"

Thankfully, Cheerilee didn't seem to take my joke the wrong way. That said, there wasn't much in terms of papers I had to fill out. Most of the real stuff was paperwork for Twilight, such as authorisation to pull my vaccination records, contact information, emergency contact information, and any other information Twilight thought she should know about me. When Twilight mentioned my aversion to being touched and how I threw Pinkie Pie, I think she maybe reconsidered taking me, but whatever.

For me, I just had to sign my name at the bottom of a short code of conduct. It was mostly kiddie shit such as no swearing, no fighting, no bullying, no tribalism, and that sort of stuff. I was pretty sure that I was going to struggle a bit with the swearing rule, but so long as nobody invaded my space, I saw no reason why I'd start a fight. I signed my name at the bottom, and that was that.

As we were leaving, Twilight stopped me outside of the schoolhouse. "Anon, I know we haven't seen eye to eye since you came into my care," she said with a smile, "But I'm proud of you for the choice you made in there. Many ponies would jump at the opportunity to take the easy way out, and I know there's a little part of you that probably would have, if nothing more than to spite me, but you didn't." She started walking again, although she cast a glance at me over her shoulder. "We're still having a serious talk when we get back, though."

With that, we began our trip back to the castle. Despite my trepidation at what our discussion might entail, I felt like I could trust her to not be too harsh. I wasn't even sure if she really had it in her to be the sort of harsh I was used to. She was just too nice to seem like the type who'd smack around a child. She might take away my reading privileges for the weekend, or maybe she'd make me volunteer to help Fluttershy with her animals or something.