"Nemo! You get yer ass down here, boy!" boomed the voice of my father from the main floor. Just the tone of it promised a beating if not quickly heeded. "If yer not gonna help yer Ma with yer sisters, ya may as well go make yourself useful!"

Quickly, I snuffed the candle I used to read by, and pried up the loose floorboard beneath my 'bed'. I unceremoniously slipped the ratty paperback copy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets into its hiding place, where it would lie hidden alongside the Lord of the Rings, Starship Troopers, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, Animal Farm, and Redwall. 'A fourteen year old boy should be out playing sports or out bringing home food for his family', the old man would say, 'not doing sissy shit like cooking or reading books.' Not that there were any other kids my age around here to play sports with in the first place. And whose fault was that, old man?

After putting the board back in place, and replacing the oversized pillow that served as a bed, I climbed down the attic ladder and then went down the stairs to the main floor. Sure enough, he was right where I expected him to be: in his recliner, beer and stogie in hand. His crutch was leaned up against the back of his chair, but that wasn't important. It was that look in his eye. "Icebox is gettin' awful empty, boy," he grumbled, thrusting his thumb in the direction of the kitchen. "Since you're so good at scarin' up some fish, how's about you go and work your magic?"

I nodded, grabbing an empty cooler from near the door, a fishing rod, and the belt with the bear gun. "Alright, Pa," I said. Sure, I loved reading, but getting out of the cabin was honestly a mixed blessing. It meant I could get out from under his thumb for a bit, but if Sara or Laura got into trouble, I couldn't be there to take the beating. Out in the wilderness like we were, though, I couldn't reasonably fish and watch an eight and five year old. "I'll be back by sundown, but we're gonna need to go to town for more gas sooner rather than later. Won't be able to make the trip up the mountain for more ice, otherwise."

The old bastard just grumbled something about money as I pulled on my too-large hand-me-down hunting jacket and exited the cabin. I couldn't help but smile as I saw Ma out front of the cabin, teaching my sisters about nature and the various edible plants that grew around here. Soon they'd be doing as I did most days, going downriver to work at Old Thom's farm. Maybe then, we might even get some goats of our own. Much like cooking, animal husbandry was for womenfolk, so says Pa.

"I'm headin' out, Ma, girls," I announced as I strapped the fishing pole and the cooler down to the back of the 4x4. Oddly, I thought I could hear hooves, as if a horse or a deer was following close behind me, but when I looked, there was nothing there. In fact, the forest around the cabin was completely silent. That didn't bode well. "Head on swivel, I think the wolves are about."

My mother just smiled, glancing around. "Keep safe, sweetie," she called out as I started the engine and threw the ATV into gear. I couldn't help but pause to stare at her... I couldn't be sure why, but it felt like it'd been too long since I'd laid eyes on the woman who raised me. From her raven-hair to her soft green eyes, nothing looked out of place, but still. "Could you check some of the snares on your way back?"

I nodded, tearing off through the woods. This time of year, I didn't have to worry about anybody shooting at me, mistaking me for a deer—not that anyone was stupid enough to come hunting around the cabin—but the fact that the forest was so quiet put me on edge. I glanced at the sky, saw the moon high above, and thought I caught the sound of hooves following close behind again. The hell's going on?

There might've been about four more hours of daylight, but that was plenty of time to check my fish traps down at the river, maybe catch a few salmon by rod, and then check Ma's snares. There were plenty of game trails nearby, and Ma had me regularly check them when I could. That so many were close to the dirt track that went from the cabin to the river and road was a small blessing.

My first stop was a point 200 ft upstream from the dilapidated bridge that I always crossed when going to Thom's or the town. It was here that I always put my fish-traps. Ever since I found the design in an old book Mom brought home, I'd built a couple and would drop them into the river once a week. Depending on whether or not I helped at the farm, I'd usually check them once or twice a day, but this summer had been a bit of a bust.

As I pulled up to where I had my traps anchored, I killed the engine. My neck prickled slightly, and though I couldn't see any predators around, the forest was still deathly quiet. As I made my way to the riverbank, I froze. One of my traps had been drug ashore and torn apart. At my feet, there were tracks... but not wolf tracks. They were spaced too far apart, and were way too large and deep. Shit, there's a bear about? Instinct told me to hop right on that 4x4 and head right the fuck back home, but if I came back empty-handed, I'd be in for a world of hurt—bear or no bear.

I knelt down and placed my hoof—wait, that's not right... I looked down at my hand. Sure enough, it was its normal darkened tan from its fieldwork, not a tiny green hoof. I placed my hand next to the bear's paw print. It was big, easily a 600-700 pounder. Fuck, if its gotten into my fish traps, what are the odds it's been feasting on our snare catches, as well? I knew I should've turned back, but fear of my father's wrath spurred me on. I had to bring back something.

Straightening up, I undid the catch on the holster. The engraving on the revolver said Super Redhawk, but to me the beast of chrome and custom wooden handgrip was just the bear gun. I never asked where he got it or why it looked like there was a number filed off on it, but that was more because questions caught fists more often than out of any genuine interest. All I needed to know was how to fire it, and what sort of cartridges to pick up in town with Pa's mine pension.

A small piece of the back of my mind insisted that I should do what needed to be done: rescue my mother and my sisters from that man—no, monster—before it was too late. It's what a good brother—a good son—would do, right? Make the hard choice, and it would be so simple... Just go home, turn the gun on him, and we'd all be free.

Sighing, I knew I just couldn't do that. I didn't have the backbone to do such a thing—no resolve. That's not who I am... I'm just a spineless coward who can't stand up to his old man or protect anyone...

Though I kept my palm on the grip, I didn't draw it immediately. Rather, my feet carried me to the water's edge. Luckily, the bear hadn't torn up the rope connected to the others. My traps, unfortunately weren't so lucky. Much like the first one, the other two were individually ripped apart, and entire sections had floated off downstream, complete with the rope I'd used.

A twig snapped close behind me, and I whirled around. My hand tore the revolver from the holster as I spun on my heel, the barrel pointed at a dark-blue horse with a starry mane. The hammer was cocked as my breath hitched in my chest. Between the wings and the horn, a sense of familiarity filled my mind. I knew it—no, her—from somewhere. But...

The revolver tumbled from my grip as my hand shrunk into a small green hoof. My entire body shrank until the mare towered over me: the alicorn Princess of the Night standing over a mere filly. As the firearm hit the ground, I flinched, expecting it to go off, but it sorta just... froze, like everything else around me. The river water, the clouds—everything had stopped.

"Finally, we meet, Anonymous," she greeted, inclining her head. "Do all outsiders possess such robust mental defenses, or are you an anomaly among your kind as much as you are ours?"

A spike of fear shot through my heart, and around me the world darkened. I remembered going to sleep after being forced to have extra dessert. I'd ended up passing out with a bit of a tummy-ache on my pillow pile. But if I was asleep, and Princess Luna was here...

"W-what are you doing inside my mind?" I whimpered, hopping to my hooves and trying to look larger than I was. It was a feeble attempt at best; I was barely bigger than a large cat, and yet I was posturing against an entity of intense magical power. "Is nothing sacred to ponies!?"

She stepped toward me, her hoof extended in what I was sure to be a placating gesture. It didn't help, however. I'd seen her in Canterlot Castle plenty of times, but we'd never spoken. She was aloof and intimidating, and I was just trying to adapt. "Please, Anonymous," she pleaded. "Your dreams for the past month have been troubled, dark even, but I have been unable to reach you to grant aid until tonight."

What was she doing inside my head? What gave her the right!? What does she mean dreams? I don't dream! Since I left all that behind, I hadn't had a dream—not once in the seven years since then. I had to learn to not dream to stop the nightmares. The void was my only protection... my only friend. But I've not been dreaming since I got here, either, so what is she talking about?

No, this has to be some sort of trick. She using the void as a justification, and has breached the sanctity of my mind... but what is she after?

My eyes flicked to the revolver still floating in the air. Could she have been after useful bits from my old world: weaponry and technology to jumpstart Equestria's industrial era? Or had she read my profile and decided to see for herself if I was making things up? If dreams here follow the same rules as back home, then... I seized the handcannon with my hoof, and pointed it at my own temple. "I don't care if you are a Princess, your Highness," I growled, extending my imaginary hoof field to caress the trigger. "Stay the fuck out of my head, and don't you dare make me dream or remember ever again, or I'll never forgive you."

My vision dissipated among the explosion that decimated my head. Even as the ringing in my ears faded away, I could hear the screaming... Not just hers, but mine in two voices: my current filly voice, and my sixteen-year-old self from the day it all went wrong.

~ 05 ~

I felt dizzy, like the world was spinning, as I stumbled out of my 'bed'. The pile of pillows beneath me was drenched with sweat, as was my coat. Meanwhile, my throat ached like I'd been screaming, but I could feel a familiar sensation on the back of my tongue which promised things were about to get so much worse.

Luckily, I kept my door cracked specifically in case this sort of thing came up. Being a bit on the small side of things, I couldn't exactly regularly reach the doorknob, especially in the dark of night, and if I suddenly got sick or had an emergency, the seconds taken up by struggling with the door could be the difference between a mess in my room and getting to the bathroom on time.

"Anon, what's wrong?" a groggy Starlight Glimmer asked as I staggered past her. She looked like she'd just crawled out of bed herself, judging by the sleeping cap, but I ignored her. "What's all the screaming about?"

At the end of the hall, I pushed open the bathroom door and staggered to the toilet. Wrapping my forelimbs around the porcelain, I felt my stomach begin to churn. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the mare staring at me, worry still in her eyes. "Could you, urp, hold my hair?" I moaned, struggling to keep the contents of my stomach from coming up while I spoke. "I think I'm—yeah, I'm gonna be sick."

Without waiting for a response, I lurched forward as I lost control. Luckily, I could feel the tingle of her magic pull the front portion of my mane out of the splash zone. Even if it was awkward having her there in my moment of weakness, I was actually thankful for her presence. The last time I'd been sick like this, I'd passed out during or after, and knocked myself out on the toilet bowl in a motel room. That time, I lost the better part of a day. Having someone here with me meant I could hurt myself the same way again.

She just sat there, outside the bathroom door, telling me that things were gonna be okay as I sniveled and emptied my stomach. At one point, I thought I felt someone caressing my back in a circular motion and patting it gently, but it might've just been my imagination, since she never left her post at the door. At the back of my mind, I wondered if this was what it was like for Sara when she got sick from some bad forage at the age of nine, when I held her hair back... Was this what it was like to have an older sibling ignoring the awkwardness to grant comfort?

When my stomach was completely barren, and even the bile had stopped coming, I peeked my head up over the edge of the toilet seat. "Thank you, Starlight," I murmured. My body felt weak as I tried to stand and make my way over to the sink. "I know how gross it can be being there for someone when they're sick, and you didn't have to."

The mare just shook her head at me, with a soft smile creasing her tired face. "Think nothing of it," she dismissed. "We all have our moments of weakness, but what matters is having someone there for you."

When a moment of dizziness left me slumped against the wall, she actually entered the small bathroom. Using her magic, she ran the sink, filled a glass, and wetted a face-cloth. She was very gentle with her magic as she sat me up and washed my face with her magic, while not getting too close, as if... oh, right. My boundaries. Twilight must've told her that magic didn't seem to agitate me as much... Once the kind unicorn had washed any traces of sick from my face, she offered the glass of water.

I greedily drank down the glass and sighed. "Starlight, I think I f—messed up," I admitted, catching myself before swearing. Not that I thought she would rat me out, but given that I'd just sworn at and threatened a Princess before promptly killing myself to wake up... "Why did nobody tell me that Princess Luna could invade your mind while you sleep?"

Starlight nearly dropped the glass before I caught it with my hooves. Her eyes were wide with shock, and she suddenly looked far lest comfortable. "Should I get Twilight?" she asked, readjusting her sleeping cap. "If you feel you made a mistake and Princess Luna was involved I—"

Shaking my head, I made my way over to sit closer to her. "She's probably going to find out anyway, but... I just wanna talk," I whispered, I felt my ears fold backward. The more I thought about it, the more I think I overreacted with the princess. "I don't dream like normal people do. I won't go into why, but I instead just have the void and a heartbeat... It's peaceful and allows me my respite from the day's events..."

I don't know why, but I felt like she was someone I could share a bit about my early life with. I told her about Mom, my father, my sisters, working for Old Thom, and living out in the wilderness in an off-the-grid cabin. She cringed when I explained about the way I was raised, and she looked appalled at the thought of a man beating his son, but I just shrugged with apathy. It was, after all, how his father raised him, and Mom was too scared of him hurting her—or us—if she left him.

It surprised me when she asked whether I knew where my sisters were now. Apparently, one of her childhood friends had his older sister go AWOL from his life, and it'd done an emotional toll on him and confidence. I was honest with her; the last I saw of them was the night I'd left them with Old Thom and his daughter, although they were likely put into foster-care. Of course I missed them every day, but I wasn't in a position to ever seek them out. So it was that I travelled, not just across North America, but parts of Europe for a time, slowly losing my accent as I went.

Starlight earned a lot of respect by avoiding the topic of whatever happened to my Mom and my father, but I think she might've had some sort of suspicions. Honestly, it wouldn't be surprising if she thought I'd murdered the old bastard. I mean, yeah, there were plenty of times where I wanted to, but things were never just that simple. Even now, I'm running from the memory of that night.

In return, I spared her from my suspicions that my father had been taking Mom into town at night and pimping her out. His pension from the mine and his disability payout from the workplace injury that ended his career couldn't possibly have supported all of us on its own, especially with the size of the cabin he'd bought and the fact that we seemed to live hand-to-mouth most of the time. Starlight didn't need to know just how poorly I thought of my father and what I thought he put my mother through... especially if she was just doing it to make sure we got a semi-decent living.

"Well, I can see why Harmony molded you into an earth pony," she commented after I finished my story. "You grew up living like a frontierspony, living in harmony with the land."

I just nodded, exiting the bathroom. "It's part of why I'm planning on visiting Applejack—" I glanced at the hallway clock, barely visible in the unlit corridor. The time was almost three AM. "—in three hours," I said with a bit of a yawn, making my way toward the library. "Despite hating being forced to do the work as a kid, I always found doing farm-work to be therapeutic. Plus, it keeps you fit. It's what I did in rural towns during my travels when I couldn't find a card game, a mark to con, or a—"

I froze in the hallway as I realized what I'd almost let slip. Hell, that was the last thing I wanted to end up discussing with any of these ponies—save for a therapist who would hopefully not judge—was the sheer depths I'd had to sink to in order to get by in my travels. I didn't know if ponies even had the concept in this world, but given that they were predisposed to thinking of me purely as a child, it might shatter them if they knew.

"Never mind," I said, giving her a glance over my shoulder. She was paused in the hallway, just outside her door, staring at me. I couldn't entirely be sure about it, but I was sure her eyes were narrowed at me. "Anyway, I'll be in the library, meditating where I can hear the grandfather clock. I'll be gone before breakfast, but I'll grab something to eat before I go, okay?"

In the meantime, I could figure out what the fuck had happened. I'd trained for years to have perfect control over my dream state so that I wouldn't have the nightmares anymore. I think it was called lucid dreaming, but despite reading all the things I could do with it, I just turned it into the void. How could I have just... lost control? Could this happen again? I could understand why I might've been taken back to my teens, since I'd been thinking about farm work and my father to a lesser extent... The how was the big question.

As I entered the library and found a floor cushion to doze on, it occurred to me that Princess Luna had somehow gained access to my mind to 'police dreams' from long distance. Although I wasn't as paranoid now that I was fully awake, it still worried me. My brain-chemistry was definitely more pony now, but the way my mind was configured was likely fundamentally different, so could her ability to 'dream walk' have inadvertently wrested control of my dream from me?

For that matter, who was to say that parts of my mind hadn't entirely been reprogrammed? I already knew for a fact that Princess Celestia had used a form of mind magic on me in order to keep me calm that first day, and Twilight had even offered to use it just yesterday if I wanted. So why was it that I was so willing to trust these horses? Was I entirely lying on my own judgement, or had I been programmed to trust them?

As I allowed the ticking of the clock to overtake my mind, I had a thought. Applejack was supposed to have a keen sense of people, and was allegedly a walking lie detector... Since I was planning on showing up and asking for some work to do, maybe I could ask her some probing questions. Damn, but I'd be relying on a pony's opinion, and Spike was just as pony.

There was nothing more to it, I supposed. Until I could find someone not bound by loyalty to the Equestrian crown to ask if I could trust ponies to have not mind-fucked me, I'd have to just be cautious. Starlight seemed pretty trustworthy, at the very least, as did Twilight. Just be patient, and keep an open mind, Anon.

Author's Note

1. Yes, I know that most modern firearms have safety mechanisms to prevent accidental discharge when dropped. Whether or not Anon would know that sort of thing is another matter entirely.

2. With this chapter, and this partially relived memory, we get the first real look at Anon, or rather Nemo's old life... and their 'wasted potential'. That said, we've also had some prior hints that Nemo did not have a good relationship with their father. That said, although you might be seeing this as foreshadowing as them having murdered their father, I want you to keep in mind that Nemo/Anon was not, and is not a coldblooded killer. Something happened, but it wasn't murder.

That said, whatever happened between them is when it became too much and he stopped being 'Pa' and started just being 'father' or a bastard. That point—and Anon's history between leaving his family behind and the accident that sent Anon past the Border of Reality—will be explored more as Anon opens up with a therapist.

3: Coming up in Entry 6, Anon hangs out with AJ, gets her first wake-up call about Equestria, and then depending on pace, she might even get to face Princess Twilight and Luna.