Diaries of the Anonymous Filly

I was situated in the corner of my assigned room, facing the corner. There was no cushion beneath me, but there didn't need to be; my purpose for being in that spot wasn't for comfort. I was just sitting there in my bug form, quietly staring at the wall. All pretence of appearing to be a normal pony was cast aside. Anything is better than thinking.

Don't get me wrong... I wasn't being punished—even if I thought I deserved it—for what had happened earlier. Oh, Natural Talent was absolutely livid. Twilight was understandably upset with me, especially after I skipped breakfast to just stare at the wall. I'm pretty certain Rainbow Dash—and maybe that guard that had been escorting Tempest—might be traumatised, too.

When it became clear that I was not going to eat anything, Aunt Twilight had one of the hospital's physician come by to take a look at me. "Without talking to her, I couldn't say for sure what is wrong with her," the unicorn stallion was saying to my guardian. "I'm also hesitant to assign any sort of medication to her without the input of Dr. Apocrita or another changeling physician. Their physiology is unlike our own, and pony medication may not have the intended effect."

At the mention of Apocrita, I felt my wings twitch. That mare was strange. Maybe it was just old age, or perhaps she was responding to my pheromones... Either way, the historian and physician made me uneasy due to the almost zealous energy she had towards me. I could almost even accept that she was simply biologically programmed to as part of a former caste.

"Until I'm certain that mare understands that Anon is a traumatised little filly, and that she can't just invade her space like that," Twilight responded, "I don't want Apocrita anywhere near her." There was an angry huff from the alicorn. "She told somepony, a child no less, that just had a close brush with death that somepony was planning on killing them! Can you imagine?"

The doctor, either having read the room or knowing better than to answer such a question, refrained from answering. "The only thing I can be sure of is that Anonymous Flicker is likely suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder," he said in a soft voice. "Though based on the vague rundown of your time with her, she's likely been coping with a mood disorder for a long time, and recent events have very likely overwhelmed the effectiveness of her usual coping mechanisms."

I knew why she was conversing with him in my room where I could hear them, instead of out in the hall. She was hoping to get me to engage, even if it was just an indignant, "Do you mind not talking about me like I'm not right here?" That had to be it. It was the only thing that made sense to me.

The joke was on her, however. I wasn't gonna get baited into wading into a minefield of conversations that might set me off. It was me that almost died this time, but the next time, somepony else might not be so lucky. Until I calmed down enough to trust myself, I was gonna stay right here and protect everypony from myself.

Eventually, their little meeting concluded with the doctor stating that he would compile a list of the most common mood stabilisers in Equestrian medicine, and take them to the changelings and see if any were compatible. I think because of how quiet and still I was, he did forget I was in the room, because he voiced his doubts to Auntie Twilight that any would be compatible. To be fair, he was probably right. Our brains weren't wired the same. Just being able to deal with reading complex pheromone markers and all the emotions radiating off of ponies was evidence of that.

That left just me and Twilight alone in the room. Truth be told, I don't blame her for not telling Spike what was happening, and asking him to go spend time with Rarity and the girls. Starlight Glimmer and Emerald Flicker wouldn't arrive in Canterlot until just before dinner, and if I had to guess, Pinkie Pie would probably rope Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Spike into helping set up a party for them ahead of the festival that would resume tomorrow.

From what I heard when Natural Talent brought an update for Twilight earlier, Rainbow Dash was in shock from what I'd done—from what I almost made her do. I couldn't blame her for that; I was still in shock that she set me off like that. It was clear from the way she froze that she'd never been in a situation where she had to confront death like that, never mind the possibility of taking a life. She never had to rely on any sort of hunting to subsist, and if she was one of the pegasi that enjoyed fish, fish were a far cry from people.

If I'm being honest, I also probably would have frozen up if I'd been in a right mind. I might still have killed Emerald's abusers—I'd accepted that as a fact for which I held no regret—but the seven in the room that Raging Storm's goon had called the 'studio' might've gotten away with just 'minor injuries... I don't think I could have brought myself to brutally eviscerate those ponies if not for her influence.

Part of me still wanted to be angry with Rainbow Dash over honestly believing I'd ever be a threat to the girls. After that display earlier, I couldn't bring myself to stay mad at her. This incident had shaken me because deep down I was afraid that she was right. I'm not well, and whatever is going on with my brain has my mood changing like a metronome. Worst was there was probably something in that scrambled bit of knowledge that'd been stuffed into my head that could explain all of this, but I'd still not had the proper time to go through all of it.

A knock at the door interrupted my internal musings. Although I didn't turn to look as Twilight went to answer it, my ears tracked Twilight as she made her way to the door. There was only one presence I could really feel, that being Princess Cadance, but I could smell Thorax's pheromones—and traces of that nutjob's, but that might've just been contact tracing—wafting in under the door. Once she cracked open the door, Auntie gasped. "Cadance, Thorax! Is there something wrong?"

I couldn't exactly see their faces, but I imagined they'd just shared a look before I felt their gazes shift to me in my corner. Cadance quietly said, "Can we talk outside for a moment?"

Twilight followed them out, and although I didn't hear the door close behind them, I didn't hear any further voices, so that meant they were either talking about something classified... or me. Probably me. A small part of me wanted to run, but there was no point in doing so. She wouldn't let them do anything to me, and running would just delay the inevitable.

Eventually, I felt Twilight and Cadance enter the room, but the presence of the changeling's pheromones slowly diminished. Good... I don't think I'm ready to face him again. They weren't speaking yet, however. They were just lingering, watching me. I could tell, and I could already feel Cadance's confusion and surprise seeing me like this.

At the realisation that I'd already encountered a situation like this before, I let out a sigh. "Before you ask, this is my doing." I commented with a sad laugh. "Like Twilight said when we first met, corners make me feel safe. All those foal-abuse red-flags you mentioned..." I'm actually kinda surprised I remember all that. I only surprised myself more when it was Fluttershy's soft-spoken voice instead of my own to come out. "I needed to feel safe so that I could calm down... before I hurt somepony, or myself."

Twilight might've gotten a bit used to my uncontrolled bouts of mimicry, but her fellow princess seemed caught unawares when I turned to her. Now that I knew what I was looking for, I could actually feel the transformation magic as my eyes reverted to their normal green with slit-pupils. Unfortunately it also meant that I was aware of the momentary shudder of fear rippling through Cadance's aura.

Once she tamped down on her own fear, she drew closer. Instead, she was radiating a strong sense of love... and I actually found my brain offering a word to describe the flavour. Storge? Familial love... She, like Twilight, cares as if I were her own. "Anon, sweetie, do you know why I'm here?" she probed, stopping a respectable length away from me.

Food... eat... feast... The presence of such a strong pillar of emotion that my triggered my changeling neurons was getting really strong. "You heard that I nearly killed myself," I whispered just loud enough for her to hear while averting my gaze, "and traumatised at least two ponies in the process."

A pony didn't need to be able to see in order to tell that she winced. "That... is part of it," she admitted. "I understand you probably don't have a high opinion of Apocrita, but she seems to be quite concerned for your well-being."

I blinked and looked up at her. She barely even knows me... Why in the world is that bug so fixated?

"I was woken up by a very frantic changeling pounding on my door screeching that you were unwell and in danger." There was a spooked look in her eyes, so I could only imagine what I hadn't witnessed. "I don't understand much about changeling biology, but she said when she entered the baths, all she could smell was distress pheromones... and that she could tell from the pheromones that your health is degrading quickly..."

Twilight, who had been watching closely from further back, finally joined in. "Thorax explained that although you were relatively healthy when they checked on you when you were unconscious, it was clear to him that you haven't actively fed," she commented with a look on her face that told me that I wouldn't like where this was going. "Truth be told, we were going to feed you more love last night until... well."

Finally, a third voice chimed in, and a chill ran down my spine. "You're a changeling, my little queenie-pie, you need to feed. You can subsist off mere rations and passive feeding when you're fully grown, but you need far more than one glass of pure love." Everypony in the room winced and looked around for the source of the voice. "I'm overlooking your outburst because you are starving right now, but I will not allow my investment go to waste. The Princess of Food offers a grand feast."

When no further input came from Désirée, Cadance continued. "Thorax assures me that your mood should stabilise if you feed," she said in a reassuring voice. "I know you might be scared to feed on a pony, or that you might lose control, but he assures me that you physically couldn't feed on me enough to cause any lasting harm." To my surprise, she smirked a bit. "You might if you were fully grown, but you're just a filly—or nymph, as he phrased it—and I have a lot of love to give."

My brain short-circuited. She's letting me feed on her? I had to be mistaken—mishearing or something—because I'd been told of her history with Chrysalis... She'd probably even been fed upon by her when she'd been held captive. So why was she smiling at me?

Casting a glance at Auntie Twilight, I murmured, "I know in theory how to do this... but I don't know how to control it..."

Twilight gave me a reassuring smile, taking up a position on the floor beside Cadance with just enough space for a foal, or a hungry changeling, to sit between them. "This is as close to a controlled environment as we can get, Anon," she reassured, beckoning me over with a tilt of her head. "If it seems like you're causing harm, I promise to intervene."

I wanted to voice a protest... that this was stupid and I that didn't want to risk losing control. Why not just use the spell you said could concentrate love into a glass? My stomach growled in hungry rage at that thought, and soon after, I realised that I had begun to salivate. My bug neurons were screaming something about food, and I found myself slowly crawling towards her, my belly flat on the floor. No... I think there might be some neurological aspect to feeding directly on a pony that simply consuming stored love doesn't account for.

Soon, I found myself almost snout to snout with Cadance, although I managed to stop before I ended up drooling on her. Maybe it was the hunger and desire to feed, but I could practically see the emotional aura about her. I don't think it was actual sight, but rather something to do with changeling magic; her emotions were a massive tie-dye swirl of pink, with twists of red, blue, and yellow. The most prevalent colour in the swirl, pink, was the love that she was freely offering up to me. Yellow was anxiety or fear; it made sense that she'd be a bit anxious. The blue was some form of sadness directed at me—pity, but not of the condescending kind. The red, however, was anger at something other than me. Probably the situation I'm in, or maybe Hunger.

Since she would feel noticeably drained of whichever emotions I fed on, I considered snapping up all the fear, sadness, and anger first. Then again, fear and anger were strong intoxicants for changelings—for my kind—and toxic in large quantities. Sorrows were also intoxicating, but given that they also acted as a depressant, it'd probably make my young body sleepy before I could get drunk... especially in the small quantity. A nap might help my brain-chemistry unfuck itself if feeding really could mellow me out.

Opening my mouth, I focused on the colours of her aura and, with a little reflexive nudge of magic, gave a tug. It might've been a bit rough, since Cadance gave off a startled yelp before visible emotion started to surge off of her and into my waiting maw. Interestingly, as the blue vanished from her aura, drained away into my hungry buggy maw, a happy green appeared out of nowhere... but I wasn't focused on that.

No, I was focused almost entirely on the fulfilling sensation as I feasted on her love. I was right; it did feel a lot better eating directly from the source. I couldn't explain why or how, but the love felt so much more filling this way... although it might have just been how much more love she had to give. My wings began to buzz with my contentment as I thirsted for more. I could get used to this...

I could feel a bit of drowsiness beginning to overtake me as my belly began to fill. When they both began radiating surprise and amusement, I turned my head just enough to see my belly growing distended. There was a pink glow pulsing within, which indicated that I should probably wrap this up.

I didn't want to stop though... my buggy instincts were quite content and telling me to feed more. Then again, if I gorged too much, that'd make me less of a hunger fae and more of a gluttony fae. A dopey smile twisted my face at the thought of how pissed Hunger would get if I cheated on her and Harmony and birthed a second embodied concept.

"Anon, I think you should stop," Twilight said. When I snapped my attention back to Cadance, I saw that her emotional aura was nowhere near as vivid as it had been. Anaemic might've been a good word to describe it. In fact, she was starting to look like she'd just run a heavy sprint. There was still plenty of love left in her, but I had to be reminded that draining her was never the goal.

"Oops..." I murmured in a sleepy voice as I managed to stop myself from feeding further. I was already feeling a bit better having fed, but I was feeling a bit guilty about just how much I'd drained her. My ears folded back, I crept up to her side. "Um, are you alright, Aunt Cadance?"

It took her a minute to catch her breath. While she did so, they both watched me. They both seemed surprised that I'd just called her that, and come to think of it, I sorta was too... But surprise wasn't all that important. Now that I was full almost to bursting with love, and with some of her sadness acting as a soporific, I was quite the sleepy little nymph... and my brain was telling me exactly who would be the warmest to nap on.

"Yeah, but I think Thorax underestimated how much you could take from me," she finally said. She tensed up as she felt my hooves on her withers. "Um, Anon? What are you doing?"

I just climbed up atop her, placing my back hooves behind her wings. When I nuzzled into the back of her neck and put a firm grip on her, I just smirked. "Revenge for the time Flurry did this to me."

~ 47 ~

I definitely slept for a few hours, but either I was deep enough for me to skip the room and not even realise I'd slipped into my safe void, or not deep enough to even hit the room. It was definitely a relaxing nap, even though I could tell that I had been inconvenient to the Princess of ~~Food~~ Love. How do I know that, one might ask? I could tell that I'd been inconvenient because when I came to, we were not in my room. In fact, she and Twilight were in the middle of some sort of meeting.

"We'd be happy to host you and your entourage while you attend the Friendship Festival, Queen Novo," Cadance was saying as I tiredly tried to roll over on a cushion that wasn't there, and promptly fell off her back. To her credit, she didn't even skip a beat when I hit the couch cushions between her and Auntie Twilight. "Princess Celestia regrets she was not able to greet you personally, but she is currently meeting with Prince Blueblood and one of Twilight's friends regarding happenings in Manehattan during the invasion."

Without missing a beat, Twilight quickly added, "You and your hippogriffs will be assigned quarters next to the ones we've assigned Princess Skystar. The chefs have already been alerted to hippogriff dietary requirements, and you should find everything palatable."

I was dazedly looking around when I locked eyes with the person they were talking to. Although built like an alicorn, the creature I was looking at possessed more hawkish features, including a beak, feathered ears, and clawed front legs. This hippogriff, Queen Novo, was a pale greyish fuchsia, with narrow magenta eyes, and a feathery-looking fuchsia and mulberry mane. "Speaking of wayward daughters," she said with an amused expression, "it would appear yours has awoken."

I blinked owlishly at her, before looking around again. This was the same room that I'd met with Blue that one time. How did she even get up on it without waking me? I turned my gaze to Cadance, and then Twilight, giving them a look of confusion. Before I could open my mouth and say anything that might've made things awkward, Princess Cadance gave Novo an apologetic smile. "Anon's actually not mine," she explained with a soft laugh. "She's Twilight's young ward. This war placed her into an unfortunate situation, and she came out of it a changeling." As if reading the hippogriff's mind, Cadance quickly added. "She fed on love from a pony for the first time this morning, and she overindulged just a bit... Apparently I looked more comfortable than Twilight, and once she was on, she wouldn't let go."

Novo looked a little less amused. Her eyes narrowed further as she regarded me, and I wondered what was going on in her head. There was some hostility, but also confusion. Perhaps her kind had a bad relationship with Chrysalis and her brood. Before she could say anything, I stood up in the space between Cadance and Twilight and stretched as a cat would. "It's an honour to make your acquaintance, Queen Novo of the Hippogriffs," I said, quickly morphing to my less intimidating earth pony form and then giving a short bow. I was actually impressed at how much more responsive my transformation magic felt.

"I'm Anonymous Flicker, rune mage in training and apprentice to Princess Twilight Sparkle, soon-to-be inducted to the Order of Harmony's Hooves—" Twilight and Cadance actually looked taken aback as I glanced at them. "—unless that's changed, trouble magnet, member of the queen caste of the last 'true' changelings... and Herald of Hunger, I suppose."

The two shared a look, but didn't initially say anything to contradict what I said. Despite having to squint, I caught Twilight mouthing 'Blueblood' to Cadance. Meanwhile, Novo's eyebrow seemed to rise as she watched me. "You are quite well-spoken and proper for one so young," Novo commented, turning her gaze back to the two adults. "I find myself at times wishing that my daughter were more like that, rather than seeking out troubles." I'm pretty sure I wasn't intended to hear the muttered, "And drag it to our door."

I kept a straight face as I looked up at Twilight. Do you wanna tell her or should I? To her credit, she only made a nervous chuckle before looking down at me. "I know you don't want to be alone right now, but Emerald is waiting for you with Spike and the others," she whispered to me. "Can you handle being escorted by a guard that Cadance and I both trust? We might be here until just before dinner starts, and then it's festival time."

My ears involuntarily perked, and I straightened up a bit when Twilight mentioned that Emerald was here. I considered my mental-state for a moment... I didn't feel like I was about to have a sudden mood shift or react violently to anything right about now. It was as though the act of feeding on somepony and gorging myself—my tummy was still swollen and still pulsing with pink light when I awoke—had managed to suppress all the negative emotions running through my head, though balanced might've been a better term.

In fact, I was actually beginning to feel closer to myself, and I actually felt playful. That wasn't something I think I'd properly felt since my trip to the mirror world. Oh, there was the almost feline glee in playing with my prey while I was under Hunger's influence, but I couldn't draw enjoyment from that. I knew better than to think that this meant I didn't need mental help after all, though.

As long as nobody besides Emerald, Starlight, Twilight, Cadance, or Fluttershy touches me suddenly, I convinced myself, I'll be fine. Pinkie Pie was a wildcard, and although I reckoned I might be able to stop myself from doing to her what I did to those soldiers, I knew she might end up with brain trauma. Again.

I nodded slowly, glancing from her to Cadance, who lit up her horn and then called out, "Flash Sentry, could you come in here for a moment?"

I peered over the back of the couch as the door opened and an orange stallion in the familiar bronze plate of a Royal Guard entered. "Yes, Your Hignesses?" He immediately snapped to attention once he was inside the door. The moment his eyes locked on Twilight, I could feel attraction, but especially lust radiating off of him. "Is there something I can do for you?"

Cadance nodded and waved him over, but when she started giving him instructions, I turned back to Twilight. "Um... What about Rainbow Dash?" I whispered, still feeling guilty about my earlier stunt. "Where is she?"

"You don't have to worry about her," Twilight responded in a somewhat harsh tone, missing my intent. "She's still holed up in her room." Seemingly as an afterthought, she finished by saying, "Leave her be for now. Even if you wish to apologise, she still needs some time to get her head around what happened this morning."

It was a bit disappointing, but I understood. "I need to get a strap for my glasses so I stop misplacing them," I muttered. "Can you...?"

Without a word, she gave me a wan smile, lit her horn, and deposited my glasses on the end of my muzzle. This seemed to bewilder the hippogriff a great deal, judging by the confusion she was flooding the air with—along with a little indignation at being momentarily ignored. Even as I hopped down off of the sofa to join my escort, she recomposed herself and was asking why I needed glasses if I didn't when I was my buggy self. I giggled when Twilight called me a stubborn brat in a loving tone.

My pegasus escort led me out of the room without a word, though I caught him casting another glance at Auntie. I knew that name from somewhere, though. Flash Sentry... Flash Sentry... Oh yeah! That was the name of the dude I'd given a bloody nose while playing kickball in the other world. I also recalled hearing something about seemingly mutual attraction between her and that human.

Once we were a few turns away from that sitting room, I looked up at him and considered something... That bit of playful energy was acting up again, and ~~God~~ Hunger as my witness, I was going to have some fun. If anypony deserved a bit of fun, it was me, and since this guy fancied my Auntie Twilight...

Interestingly, he didn't have any visible rank insignia on his armour like the protection detail did."Say, Insert-Rank-Here Sentry," I commented in a pitch-shifted version of Twilight's voice. Before he could snap his head down to look at me, I ran a quick transformation. It was pretty simple to throw together, since I could clearly picture Twilight, and distort her appearance to foal proportions. "You like Auntie Twilight, right?"

He froze on the spot and gaped at me. The wide-eyed, slack-jawed expression was almost as entertaining as the mix of emotions that started radiating of of him... Confusion, attraction, fear were most prevalent, but he just couldn't help but feeling that lust. "I, uh..."

"Gosh, Mister Sentry, you must like her an awful lot," I said in a teasing, childish inflection. "You can't quite control your lust for her." The guy's expression became one of horror, and his fear, lust, and confusion began to swirl together, along with a sense of loathing. I wonder if this is the sort of emotion that leads to the 'Why boner'. I started to sashay past him, my tail flicking, but never quite enough to reveal anything. "Maybe it'd help if I went and drain—"

There was a shout of alarm in a very familiar voice at the far end of the hallway. "ANONYMOUS FLICKER, WHAT IN CELESTIA'S NAME ARE YOU DOING!?"

As the guard stallion beside me dropped to his belly on the floor and began to sob in shame, my head snapped around to look at who'd spoken. There, standing with Prince Blueblood, was a haggard looking Starlight Glimmer, glaring at me. She despite how tired she seemed, I could practically see the red of anger surrounding her like a cloud. She started stomping towards me, already breaking into a tirade. "I can't believe you!" she snarled with tears in her eyes. "You left us with hardly a word, after explicitly being told not to go..." I dropped my transformation, and my wings started to buzz with anticipation as she drew closer. "Then you went and got yourself captured, and then nearly murdered! I was worried sick about you, and yet here you are tormenting some poor guard stallion li—"

"STARLIGHT!" I squealed, no longer able to contain myself. Launching myself at her like a black, green, and dark blue bullet, I wrapped my forelimbs around her neck. If I'd still been an earth pony, I might've actually weighed enough to knock her off balance, but my distended, love-filled belly didn't have any actual mass to it. Sucking in a deep breath, I started talking in rapid-fire like Pinkie Pie, but thankfully not in her voice. "I missed you so much! I know you didn't want me to go but I had to. Tempest would've burned the city otherwise. I mean, yeah that's super bad, but she's actually a pretty nice pony with her own traumas once you get to know her. That Storm King guy was a real piece of shit though. He ordered these two goons to kill me and to be honest I was so scar—"

As Blueblood joined us, he said, "It's good to see you in better spirits, my friend," before reaching out to tousle my mane. Probably a good thing that I managed to reign in the instinct that told me to nip him. I wasn't sure if I actually possessed any sort of venom glands, although some changelings apparently were capable of paralytic envenomations, which works super good when the goal is to foalnap and pod ponies. "I was distraught when Luna shared with me the details of your ordeal."