A week passed since I my arrival in the Crystal Empire. Every day, I went out to do my work at the Second Chance. Every evening, I dined with Shining, Cadance, Flurry, Starlight, and Emerald. Sometimes, we were even joined by Chrysalis or this goateed unicorn by the name of Sunburst. After dinner, I'd play with Emerald, or help her with some catch-up work so that she could go back to school.

It all became pretty routine. Each morning, I woke and ate breakfast—sometimes feeding off the Alicorn of Food, sometimes from Big Bug. Then I threw on my uniform and went to the orphanage. I wanna say that interesting things happened, but it was pretty routine almost bordering on boring. Just like when I/Nemo lived with my/his sisters, it was easy to fall into that nurturing role. I was there to help those foals, and damned if I wasn't gonna do just that.

By the end of that week, I was trusted to work independent of Chrysalis, so long as I was working with another member of staff. Maybe it was just the fact that I liked books, but working with Ms. Gentle in the library felt the most rewarding. There was no denying that there was a bit of bitterness on her part in taking over story time on the first day, but we worked out a system that nonetheless worked for us. Plus, having me around made it easier for her to work on sorting and reshelving all the books.

Lunchtime became a time for me to learn about bugging from the big (formerly) bad bug herself. I got to learn why I shouldn't try to enact significant changes in mass without sufficient mastery of shapeshifting—something that she begrudgingly told me I was a natural at—and the reserves to do so. Apparently you can really miscalculate shit and put yourself into a starving state if you fuck up bad enough, but mostly it's about learning to sense exactly how much mass and energy you need unpack to take on a specific form. Apparently after my first molt, when my horn might actually become usable, I'd probably be safe enough to try being bigger or smaller.

Over the time spent with her, I began to see her for more than the maniacal bug that had it out for Starlight and Mom. She was rather brilliant in her own right, offering tips on how to improve my from-scratch transformations, but more importantly, she taught me how to perfectly control my voice. I described that as more important mostly because it allowed for me to give more variety to story time. I was actually making up voices instead of just mimicking ones I'd heard.

In turn, she stopped seeing me as just the conniving little shit that tricked her into reforming. Maybe it was our shared distrust of the Spirit of Hunger, or the fact that neither of us could be described as being good-aligned, but she was surprisingly relatable once you got past the whole 'tried to take over Equestria and kill my loved ones' angle... and I mean, who hasn't gotten a bit hangry and tried to take over the world? Although I'd never accept her as an additional mother—Fuck you, Désirée—I could actually see myself becoming her friend.

There was a bit of drama with the Manehattan kids at one point. Somepony let slip that one or more of them had been the child of a gangster, and that they were there because their folks were either in jail, or presumed dead after some maniac went to war with the gang. Luckily, all it took to calm things down was for everypony to be reminded that the sins of the parent were not those of the child, and that a little kindness went a long way in the grand scheme of things.

On my eighth day working with Tender Reach and her staff, Mom arrived to take me off work early. I was led to believe that she wasn't going to be arriving in the Crystal Empire for at least another week, but maybe that was the point. She wanted to surprise me and Emerald, and take us out for a bit of relaxation. Of course, the reason for that was pretty obvious; the next day, both of us would be seeing a therapist. Admittedly, we'd be going at different times. Me first thing in the morning, and Em would go in the afternoon.

~ Epilogue~

Being that it was early in the morning and I hadn't gotten an opportunity to have a second coffee, I was sleepily riding atop Mom's back in my natural shape. I don't even know what kind of psychopath would pick half past seven as a good time to give a foal therapy. I mean, I know one pony who would do that, given that I was riding her back, but who in the fuck offers that sort of time for a foal? Then again, I might just be cranky because I couldn't sleep in today.

"Say, Mom?" I asked. The moment that word left my mouth, she stopped walking and she went stiff. "What do you know about this doctor I'm gonna be seeing? For that matter, how much am I allowed to tell him?"

Behind us, Tempest let out a snicker. Instead of acknowledging her former enemy, Twilight instead slowly craned her neck so that she could glance at me. "W-what was that you said?" she asked, before quickly clarifying, "The first part, not about the doctor or what he could be told."

"I um..." It was my time to freeze. I actually said that out loud, didn't I? Since she arrived yesterday, I'd somehow not managed to call her such, but I couldn't deny that after Big Bug calmed me with that geas, I'd almost regularly thought of Twilight as Mom. She was my caregiver, for good and for bad, and she wanted what was best for me. She cared about me, and had even said part of her saw me like a daughter... "Maybe it's all the crap Désirée put in my head screwing with my memories of my childhood, or maybe the geas Chrysalis used to stop me from spiralling that one time made it easier to accept, but... I can't deny that you're like a mother to me."

I shivered slightly as the autumn breeze washed across my shell. "I said after that whole foalnapping mess that I wasn't ready then," I murmured, lifting my head to nuzzle the underside of her chin. "But I need family more than anything else right now, and you're one of the most supportive ponies in my life right now. You went to bat for me with the princesses in spite of what I'd done, and I'd like to believe you'd have abdicated if I'd been sentenced to Tartarus..." With a sigh, I looked down at the ground. "What I'm trying to say is you're as much a mother to me as <>'s own mother was to him, and it's time for me to let go of that... to let go of who I was."

When I looked back up, I found that she was teary-eyed, but beaming. "Thank you, Anon," she whispered, using her magic to ruffle my mane a bit. "Thank you for believing in me, and accepting me. I can't even begin to imagine how hard all of that must have been to say, but just being able to trust me enough to tell me that speaks magnitudes."

In a much more confident voice, she continued, "Dr. Clear Conscience is actually related to one of your classmates, Silver Spoon." We were back on the move through one of the districts—couldn't be sure which one it was except for the fact that it was clearly not the industrial one. "I spoke with him before I picked you up yesterday, and he's under a non-disclosure agreement with the crown. Ideally, I don't want you to hold anything back when you see him."

I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that. "Even the fact that I'm an alien adult in the body of a changeling queen nymph, formerly that of a pony foal?" Again, Tempest snickered, and I couldn't help but wonder when she'd been briefed on that. "Well, Okay..."

~Epilogue~

As we sat in the waiting room of Dr. Conscience's practice, I had little to do but think—to look back at all I had gone through, and all I'd done. Pretty much, my only objective was to organise my thoughts so that I could be honest with the doctor. It was unmistakable that I was not the same person I was an Equestrian month ago, but it was hard to look at any one point and say this is where I changed.

One of the easiest points where I could see a change happening was shortly after coming to Ponyville. If you'd told me when I first arrived in Equestria that I would come to care about Starlight and Twilight so quickly as I did, I'd have called you a liar. Back then, I'd been so hurt and jaded, and yet it was unmistakable that I'd done just that. First it was Starlight I opened up to, and then Twilight. It was a result of the differing brain-chemistry, to be sure, but looking at the fact that I'd been squatting in Emerald's body, I couldn't help but wonder how much of that was bleed-over even that far back.

In retrospect, it was all quite terrifying to think about. I wasn't just becoming a different person; it was essentially a death of the self. It was exactly as I'd observed previously, but I think that I was looking at it at too small of a scale. I'd been looking it mostly from the perspective that my new body's brain structure and neurochemistry was far different than what I was used to, but I'd never once considered the impact that might begin to affect myself on the level of identity.

There was no denying, however, that I was changing rapidly. I started letting down the walls I'd built up around myself, perhaps too quickly to be safe. It wasn't just that I was emotionally vulnerable, because I was—and still am—an utter shit-show in that department even before the changes started. I started falling into pony behaviours, and letting my brain form attachments that probably should have been considered unhealthy given how quickly they formed. I don't regret it, though... If not for those attachments, I can't even begin to imagine how much worse I would have self-destructed.

That was maybe the worst part of it all. As my identity began to fluctuate, waging war between the former human and the eight-year-old filly my body was slowly turning me into, I couldn't deny that I became pretty self-destructive. Some of it came from ideals, sure but at the same time, I think some of that was a result of my sense of self becoming so unstable that I saw more value in others than my own life. One moment, I'd bemoan the fact that I was an adult human in the body of a small child, and in the next, I would be completely blasé about thinking of myself as an eight-year-old filly. The mess with Harmony, Hunger, and Emerald certainly didn't help.

Becoming a bug certainly didn't fix that either, but at the same time, I think my sense of self had crystallised at that point and I began to unknowingly let go. I finally had what Nemo lost so long ago: a family. At first, it was just Starlight, then Twilight and Spike, and now I had somepony I wanted to protect—to be better for. Emerald's a hurt little filly too, but knowing that, it makes me want to do for her what Nemo should have done for his sisters in the first place: make sure that she never had to go through anything like that ever again, and be the protective big sister she needed. She makes me want to do better.

Still, every day between becoming a pony and becoming a bug was a slow transition between being Nemo Whitley and Anonymous Flicker, and I think that's why I ended up such a mess. My sense of self was so full of contradictions and conflicting ideals. It was just a wonder that I hadn't snapped before the Anon-a-Miss mess. In spite of the fact that one of those breakdowns was responsible for giving Emerald a second chance at life, I still wish I'd only had the one.

I think the only reason that I'm not freaking out at the thought of my loss of self is that I don't really see the point. What's done is done, and as much as I might bemoan the fact, there is no bringing him back. He's not me anymore. He was a hurt individual, running from all the hurts until he could run no longer, and for better or for worse, he did die in that accident.

"Anon, are you alright?" Twilight asked in a quiet voice, leaning close, so as only to be heard by me. "You're shaking like a leaf." I looked down at my hooves, and sure enough, I was trembling. "You don't have to worry, you know. Dr. Conscience is a very nice pony."

Maybe I am still a bit freaked out by the thought, I begrudgingly admitted to myself. Remembering the breathing exercises, I took a minute to calm down, to still myself, before looking up at her. "It's not that, Mom," I murmured, eliciting another shiver from her. Clearly it would take her time to get used to that. "I just... I was trying to organise my thoughts for when I get to see the doctor, and it finally began to sink in just what has happened to me. I know I said it was time to let go of who I was, but... I never really considered the implication of how I said it—how it implied that we were separate people..."

She nodded, putting a wing over me and pulling me close to her side. "You've been through a lot," she agreed, "and at times, I can't deny that it's been hard to watch. I'd venture so far as to say you've been through too much, and too quickly. Off the top of my head, I can think of three instances where you've broken down, and had to build yourself back up. It changed you each time, and I can't say that all of those changes were undesirable.

"You used to be so touch-averse, and though you tried to hide it—maybe even from yourself—you were so full of fear," she murmured. "You acted in response to that fear at first, but slowly, I saw you shift away from that. You began to act in spite of that fear, developing a degree of confidence in yourself. I can only imagine how terrifying it was to put yourself in the position you did in the world on the other side of the mirror, and yet you did not turn and run. You found your bravery, but you also in turn, found yet more fear to respond to.

"As much as I hate to admit it..." She let out a sigh. "The way you began to plan and leap at shadows, preparing for a fight that should—in an ideal world—never have come, helped keep you alive. Your brushes with death aggravated your skittish side, but it balanced you just enough that you didn't lose your nerve. I don't think the you that arrived in that box could have done what you did in Manehattan—for good or for ill. I—"

A pony at the reception desk called out, "Your Highness?" When Mom looked up, the mare waved us over. "Dr. Conscience will see Anonymous Flicker now." If she was at all perturbed that I was a bug, she hid it well—so much so that I couldn't feel it at all. Instead, she just fixed me with one of those saccharine 'I'm not condescending to you, but you are just a child' smiles as we joined her. "If you'll just follow me, sweetie, I'll take you to the good doctor."

It was a good thing that I had to be on my best behaviour, otherwise I'd have probably done something stupid. Might've been funny to be a sarcastic little brat, or turned myself into a huge spider. Except I was gonna be coming here regularly, and the last thing you wanna do is antagonise the staff at your shrink's office, right? So instead, I tightly hugged Twilight and then quietly followed the mare out of the waiting room. There were several soundproofed doors with various names on them, and honestly I was starting to worry exactly what kind of practice this was. Dr. Bed Wetter? Dr. Bad Touch? Dr. Feelgood? What the fuck?

We reached a door labelled Dr. Clear Conscience, and the mare opened the door. "Go on in."

Following her instructions, I stepped in, and the door gently shut behind me. There, seated behind the room's desk was an earth pony stallion of white and grey colouration, watching me with interested amber eyes. "Hello, Anonymous," he greeted. "Or can I call you Anon?"

I crossed the room and hopped up into the chaise lounge parked across from the desk. "I'd prefer Anon," I replied, slowly turning circles on it before I got comfortable. "I've finally accepted that this is who I am, Anonymous Flicker, but Anon's more friendly sounding and the same number of syllables as the name I had in my previous life."

He nodded. "We'll stick a pin in that for a moment, but first, my name is Clear Conscience." There was a folder beside him labelled dossier, which he patted. "Princess Twilight Sparkle's told me a little bit about you, but I'd like to hear a bit about yourself from your own mouth."

"I suppose I should start at the beginning, shouldn't I, doc?" I commented, taking on my mirror-world human shape and reclining on the chaise lounge. I didn't at all feel ashamed of the nudity now; I had no need to. It's not like I was really human. "It all starts with a big white mare. That's how the story seems to start for a lot of ponies, doesn't it? The Alicorn of the Sun has made such a major impact on everypony's lives, that it's hard not to think it all starts with her, but in my case, it's a bit more literal..."

I let out a chuckle and gave him a sidelong look as I folded my arms behind my head. "There are many things I regret in life. I regret staying in an abusive situation for far longer than necessary. Then there's the whole staying in a toxic country, not that I wanna open that can of worms." I shook my head and shut my eyes. "I regret staggering off into the woods after the accident, since that brought me here to this horse world in the first place. I even regret yelling at the Sun Horse for saving my life. Most of all, though, I regret eating that entire cake..."

Author's Note

And so we have the ending. It was actually pretty hard for me to put all my ideas together for this epilogue. I've had this done for probably a few weeks at this point, but my usual second pair of eyes/sounding board has been in a bit of a funk and not in the mood for editing. I usually at least bounce a chapter off him before I post it, just to sanity check in the event that he otherwise finds nothing wrong. Still, this has been a long time coming and I felt I owed it to you all to get it out.