Chapters It’s been a long time coming but I think this was inevitable. Every foal that leaves home must eventually come back. Maybe now I can find some peace in the time I have left. Still, I have a story to tell before I go. Writing down my life in my remaining time is the least I can do to honor the memory of those I left behind. I need to justify their lives by making sure somepony knows how I became the pegasus I am today. I owe my bro that much. I won’t start this journal from the beginning. I don’t have the courage to relive all those memories. Not yet anyway. I’ll just take it one day at a time for now.
The trip back home took longer than most would be willing to venture. Normal ponies would have paid for a train ticket from Manehatton. I wasn’t so fortunate to have much in the way of bits. My wings had flapped tirelessly for half a day already, my muscles worn from walking the rest and my stomach singing its all too familiar song of hunger. The only energy to move I had left came from seeing that beautiful sign stating “Welcome to Ponyville”. With burdensome pack on my back, I trotted my way through town. The sun was just about to set, the sky orange and clear, stars blinking into existence one by one as they pulled the blanket of night over head.
What little money I did have I used to purchase some semblance of a home. They told me it was meager. A single room shed with a small cooking area in the corner. I had no desire for opulence nor had any means to obtain such. Still I wouldn’t mind something a bit more accommodating. Such a goal would have to wait till I could find work in this town. The shack was still a ways away, just bordering the town and the Everfree forest. It sat next to a steep hill with a tree at the top overlooking some of the forest. It was a nice secluded spot away from most of the other domiciles. At least that way I can be left alone. I don’t need any more friends at this point. I’m not a pony that anypony should be friends with.
I was lucky that there were hardly any other ponies in sight. I’m not too sociable in any stretch of the imagination. I wore my hood to my jacket up all the time if I could help it. I cherish this coat so much. It’s the only thing I have to remember my bro. For now I’ll save that story for another time. My hooves are…. quivering too much thinking about him, and what I… failed to do. Let’s talk about something else then.
It’s probably wise for me to at least talk about myself now. I guess other ponies do that sort of thing with diaries. I don’t have a real name. I sometimes I go by “no name” or “that pony” or “hey you”. Most of the time though ponies refer to me as Scar Flank, sometimes just Scar for short. I hadn’t lived here since I was a foal. My parents died the day they brought me home and I had been badly burned on the sides of my flank where my cutie mark would’ve been. I don’t remember much of that day, just a few images and sounds. But what I do remember I made sure to never ever forget. I was screaming, crying in the shrouds of smoke and fire. All I could see was blackness as the flames danced all around me. I was too young to recall the physical pain of my burns. It was like a terrible nightmare. But this nightmare had a tiny light that shined through. On wide spread wings a fire rescue pony scooped me up from the debris and lifted me up through a hole in the roof. She held me over her shoulder as I watched my burning home shrink into the distance. Sounds of ponies shouting to get the fire under control, sirens blaring. The last image I could recall was when she removed her mask and helmet to coddle me, letting me know it was going to be ok. Long flowing hair as red as the hungry flames she stole me from and bright yellow wings that seemed to glow even in the night sky. I didn’t know the word for what I saw until later down the road of my life, but it was though I had been saved by a phoenix. After that, the earliest memories I had were from my time in an orphanage in the slums of Manehatton. But that’s a story for another time.
After unloading my pack from my aching back I reluctantly made my way to the town hall to inquire about work. The streets were empty, the air dead silent. Life in a small town was far different than a city that never sleeps. I didn’t know any better, I truly wish I did. Though the air was still and silent, it was flooded with a dark aura. Reaching the hall I could see full well why the town was so quiet. It was due to the Summersun Celebration being held in Ponyville. Everypony gathered to witness their beloved Princess Celestia. There was naught I could do but sigh nervously. "Great, so much for that plan. Maybe I can get in and get out with some food in hoof. These things always have food…right? Please don’t let anypony see me."
I guess it should be apparent. I don’t like being looked at most of the time. When somepony looks at me it feels like they are judging me. Staring at my scarred flank, whispering to themselves “What pony does not have a cutie mark? You can’t tell what talent he has. He looks like a thug. I better hide my valuables.” Back then I’d pay no mind to this sort of thing. Somepony once told me that growing out of self-consciousness is very difficult. I guess I had it easier back then. Standing at the archway of the entrance I almost turned tail and ran. Old stomach was in control at this point, and he didn’t have any intention of leaving.
My hoof reached out to open the door just inches away from the handle, the sounds of gasps, thunder and evil laughter escaped the walls of the structure. Before I knew it, the door had swung wide open, shooting forth a shadowy figure knocking me into the air and onto my back, landing in the bushes nearby. It darted here and there before escaping my sight. That landing hurt… a lot. For a while I just laid there, contemplating what this all could mean. Maybe it’s a sign that a peaceful life is not that easy. Maybe this is the final hurdle before I can just live like a normal pony. Maybe I can overlook this happening and let the whole thing go. From the depths of my mind I could hear a familiar voice from my past. "And maybe you can act like a real pony and go KICK THAT THING’S PLOT."
The utterance floating through my mind was all too right. The fur on my chest stood on end, my tail stiffened, adrenaline flowed from the tips of my wings down to the soles of my hooves. I have a lot of pent up anger that needs some expelling. That floaty black thing seems like a good place to dump it all. Soon afterward I spotted a purple unicorn rush from the town hall. On fleet of hoof she ran straight to what looked like the town’s library, followed by a myriad multi colored cast of mares eager to understand this madness and the unicorn’s connection to it. Like Tartarus I was about to let some purple know-it-all steal my temporary punching bag for this evening. Following them wouldn’t be easy. The more there were of them the more inconspicuous I’d have to be. Besides, I had no idea where that stupid thing ran off to. Chances are they wouldn’t let me have my way if I went with them. I can just see how that conversation. “Hey, can I come along with you so I can horribly beat whatever that thing was to a bloody pulp?” That does not sound like it would go over too well.
They certainly took their sweet time getting themselves ready to pursue. Lucky for me I could hear the know it all say something “royal castle” and something “sisters”. It all was useless information until she mentioned the Everfree forest. A castle in a forest hmm? Sounded like it would be easy enough to spot….. Nope! Running on angry adrenaline I ascended higher and higher at the edge of town. A clear night sky and full moon would give me all the light I needed to spot this place. My gaze panned from one side to the other.
The confidence I once held in my plan quickly faded as agitation and impatience swelled up within me. "How in Celestia’s name could this place be THAT hard to spot. It’s a freaking castle right? So where is IT!?" I couldn’t keep up the altitude. What surge of energy I had was running out, it was only a matter of time before I dropped 20 something stories to my death. Panting and nearly spitting up my lungs, all I could do was wait to greet the ground once more. At least that was the plan I had at that moment if I didn’t look straight down and spot those 6 mares below me. I had to stay out of sight. I had to figure something out. Closer and closer the ground approached. I was finished, done for. I winced my eyes shut preparing for the inevitable. Then… suddenly… nothing. My descent stopped. How? I then opened my eyes once more and spotted a lone tiny cloud beneath my rump. One cloud in the open starry sky saved me from a troublesome scenario. What blind luck was this? Now I can follow them without being noticed. If I manage to spot the castle before them…well I’ll just have to make quick work of that shadowy thing.
They started to move. It wasn’t until then I noticed another group close by to them. This tiny group consisted of two ponies. One earth pony and one pegasus. What was the deal with those two? Did they have some bone to pick with that dark thing as well? And more importantly, which group would get me their sooner?
I floated on for a while, sticking close over top the first 6. My patience was waning as they made slow progress. At that moment I regretted not following the other 2. The boredom soon shattered as so did the sudden collapse of their footing. Part of me wanted to help. But… I couldn’t bring myself to move. I trembled on my tiny cloud, the cool air kissing my neck at the beads of sweat accumulating. This scenario was all too familiar. I floated with uneasy stare and bated breath as I witnessed the purple one sliding to her imminent demise. The sight of it reminded me of that which I wish to repress for the moment. My mind was screaming "She’ll die. She’ll DIE! Just like he did and there is nothing I can do!"
My fear was quelled in moments seeing the two pegasi catch her mid air, plucking her gingerly from the fangs of death itself. It became apparent I was taking an interest in their well being. I had to remind myself not to care about them. There was no happy ending to that movie, that I can guarantee. Even from nose bleed high seats this show was getting interesting. Despite my prior thoughts on these little fillies they certainly knew how to kick some major plot. Going toe to toe with…. Well whatever that thing was and surviving. All I could do was reminisce about days of my colthood. The time I spent getting into trouble and fighting my way out permeated my thoughts. This all came to a crashing end when one of them approached the towering beast unafraid. At that moment my buzz of excitement died far too quickly to egh! that cute spectacle. If this continued any further I’d blow chucks as colorful as that rainbow one’s mane. I turned my head away in repulsion to this scene only to spot the castle remains hidden amongst a dense fog. Now was my chance, now I could get even with that black apparition.
Fluttering as hard as my tired wings could take me the structure’s distance shrank all too quickly. I discarded the cloud and stretched my wings, taking to full glide crashing through a window to the main hall. My landing was lousy. Luck was never really on my side. With annoyance on my brow I spoke aloud to hear myself think clearly. "Ok, seriously!? I’m on my back again? Just so you know where ever you are! WHEN I’M DONE HERE I AM GOING TO NEED TO SOAK MY HOOVES IN ICE WATER! YOU HEAR ME!!! THAT’S HOW BAD I’M GONNA PUMMEL THAT….WHAT EVER YOU USE AS A FACE!!!" Never did I expect an answer to return to me with clamorous force behind it. "Such a loud little wretch you are." The voice echoed everywhere, surrounding me with unease. I staggered to get to my hooves. My body ached in pain. Hunger seemed to intensify gravity’s crushing pull. It felt like this thing could kill me if it wanted. Thoughts of ending things quickly crept into my mind. Why drag this out? I’m so tired anyway. I’ll finally get to rest in peace. To do that, I decided to provoke my antagonist. Maybe enjoy myself one last time. Grinning from ear to ear, empty of vigor I goaded back "Big talk coming from a pansy. Come on out!"
The darkness swirled into a twister before me. Flashes of lightning struck left and right, thunder roared like as though they were trumpets announcing the arrival of a monarch. Before me stood tall and proud like a dark queen the first alicorn my eyes ever witnessed. With glaring eyes it spoke forth "Feast your eyes upon me you lowly pony. Behold your once princess of the night. Behold your coming end. Behold-" I couldn't bare to listen to this thing prolong the end. I responded with enthusiastic sarcasm "Blah blah blah. Are you gonna talk all night or are you gonna just spit your name out? How many times do I have to read this in comics I stole or see this in movies I snuck into? ‘Behold mortal at my dark and evil butt!’ Bored now!"
Her face turned red. She retreated one step in confusion and embarrassment to my remark before stamping hard to the ground forward, cracking it with ease beneath her hooves. Dark smoke snorted from her snout "You insolent fool. You dare to speak that way to me, NIGHTMARE MOON!?!? FORMER PRINCESS OF EQUESTRIA AND BRINGER OF ETERNAL NIGHT!!! "
Her face grew ever so full of rage and in my weakened condition it was just tickling me to no end. She could at any moment snap me in half like a little twig… I kept going with it of course. "Also, this 'eternal night' stuff. Here is the twist ending to that movie. No pony gives a buck! It was just good enough to get a sequel. Guess how that one ends. It ends with you getting a hobby."
She let out a terrible yell. I guess I managed to really tick her off. As cocky as I was hours ago I had no strength to defend myself or escape. This was it. At least I got to enjoy one little laugh before the end. Her advancing shook the stone floor beneath me, eyes seeming to glow red. I was done for this time. I always knew my big mouth would land me in deep deadly trouble. But this time…he wasn’t here to dig me out of it. Closer and closer she drew, till she was inches from my snout. I could feel the heat of her fury through my coat. I calmly closed my eyes. It was a long time coming indeed. Perhaps this too was inevitable. My eyes opened welcoming the sweet release only to see my would-be executioner distracted by the sounds of other ponies outside the ruin walls. Before I could speak again her darkness enshrouded me. Was this it? Was this how it ends? Her face and image were gone but her voice echoed in the darkness "I have no time for a tiny whelp like yourself. Consider this a reprieve for now. But once I am done with those other fools, I AM COMING FOR YOU!"
I don’t understand how but I was transported by her magic outside, trees all around me. No… not just any trees, apple trees as far as the eye could see. My eyes widened, drool flowed like rushing river waters from the corners of my mouth. Maybe I was dead. Maybe I was just good enough to go to heaven. Shaking my head in disbelief the image of a farm came to view in the darkness, lights aglow in the windows. No pony was around and no pony would miss a few apples. Vigor surged to my hooves as I leapt from tree to tree, engorging myself on apple after apple right from the stems. The whole farm would be desolate of these apples had not some massive stallion showed up to chase me off the grounds. He certainly was a big fellow, but when it came to food for this empty stomach he could have been twice the size of the barn he emerged from. He gave chase in futility as my speed and stamina had returned to me. Tried as he might, staying out of the light was just too fun. Swinging to and fro the lantern just could not give him the glimpse he needed to identify me. I should know. I still write this journal even now. No pony has come knocking at my tiny shed door. In the confusion however, he did end up falling into a ditch and hurt himself pretty good. I would feel much guiltier, but these apples are SOO good.
I will admit. I do wish I could have had my little fight with that alicorn. Saddest part of the whole thing… it had to be a mare. As dirty as these hooves have gotten I never once would raise them against a female. And I don’t plan to start. Ever! The town was abuzz with joy and jubilation. To the east the sun rose bright and shining. Against my better judgment to stay out of view of everypony and remain in anonymity I could not help but go see the fuss. Thankfully the shadows of a distant ally-way provided the best vantage point. The crowds gathered to witness their princess ride forth on a guard drawn carriage. As much as scenes like these turn my now full stomach I could not help but feel warm inside at this picturesque moment. My vision shifted from the princess to the slightly smaller pony next to her. Another alicorn? She looks so… familiar. Something in my mind flipped its switch. My heart raced. It… couldn’t be… That dark alicorn from the ruins was none other than….Nightmare Moon! To my confusion they kept referring to her as Princess Luna. Her glance pointed dead at me, squinting in my direction.
At that point I bolted straight home. I tell you this now. If anypony had gotten in my way… I think they would be a bright and colorful cloud of pony fur. I just have to stay out of sight a little longer. Maybe I’ll come back out at night… in a few days.
Entry 2: A Self Destructive Personality
Darkness surrounded me. Not evil, but a calm of sorts. It was like I was under water. I floated on the current of the void, at peace with everything. I could see my mane and tail sway to the flow of everything. Without warning my eyes strained to see. Light pierced the darkness and covered me in warmth. What was happening? Slowly my mind approached a realization and an image appeared in the light. A figure that I owed everything to; a certain pony that I failed. He stood tall and proud on his hind legs like he did back in the good old days, adorned in the jacket I now possess. I wanted to look away in shame; I didn’t deserve to call him my Bro. "You must get a lot of exercise with all the running you do." He sounded no different than he did back then.
The concept of gravity returned like a flash. Falling faster and faster, watching as my Bro became more and more distant as the realization smacked me in the face. I had fallen from my tiny bed and hit the wooden floor below. It was a dream…no not just a dream. It was a symptom of what would soon end my life. But I think now is as good a time as any to note in this journal. When the end does come, chances are the story of this chronicle won’t have a conclusive ending. It will just end without warning and no hooves to describe those final moments. I haven’t the time to go into what it is that ails me. I needed food and also needed to look for work. I think it was time to reenter pony society.
I slung my jacket on all cool like just like my Bro use to do back then. Toss it up in the air and one right hook into one sleeve, spin around and slide the other in. Tassel the bottom a bit and fling the hood up. That last part I added. Like I said before, I don’t like being looked at. If anypony saw me do all that I think I’d bury myself from the embarrassment. Back in Manehatton ponies would ignore somepony dressed like me. Surely the same could be said for even a small town. Hehehe… how wrong I was. Walking through the market I could FEEL them looking at me. I just need to get some food. I just need to get some food. Just get in and get out. No big deal.
I trotted up to a quaint little apple stand. I think this time around I should at least pay for the apples I consume. I tilted my head up for just a second to read the sign. The vendor wore a hat straight out of a western. Maybe she’d have an accent too. "Well howdy stranger, everthangs on sale. We got apple fritters, apple pies, crab apples, apple cider, caramel apples, and if you want, we are selling bushels of apples?" I had to restrain myself fully from laughing. I think wrestling a bear would have been more physically possible than that. "That’s a might fancy coat ya got there. Never seen ya around before. Ya new in town?" I kept my head down, doing everything in my power to hold the laughter in. With a few hacks and forced coughs I cleared my throat. "Uh…Yes…. Eh… How much for a bushel of apples?"
I kept looking away to hide my face. The salesmare bobbed and awkwardly positioned her head here and there to get a better look at me. She certainly wouldn’t take the hint. "Hey now, why do ya keep hiding yer face under the hood like that? It’s a nice sunny day and all. Ah don’t bite non."
My hoof reached into my coat pocket. It didn’t take long to notice the lack of weight and the minor jingle of what coin there was couldn’t possibly cover the total I’d need. Her eyes looked down at where my hoof was then back up to me. The expression advertised it all. She knew I didn’t have enough bits. My shoulders sunk, my stomach stung me as punishment. Just as my hoof hit the ground and motioned to turn and leave she interjected "Tell ya what. You take your hood off and lemmie see yer face and ah’l sell ya the bushel for what ya got."
It was unthinkable! Impossible! Take my hood off? Show my face? Dressed as I was, I know now I was asking for something like this to happen. Back in the city ponies for the most part dressed in some kind of clothing even if it was something as little as a hat to a full blown business suit. If ponies saw me, what would they think? Why did there have to be soo many of them in the market? "How about we just forget about it and pretend I wasn’t here?" Surely she would let it go this time. I wanted to leave so badly. I just wanted to start flapping my wings as hard as I could and speed back to the safety and privacy of my tiny shed. Gradually my wings extended, preparing for a quick escape. Little did I know she had an ace under that hat. "Ok then…. Free!!!"
Never in the history of Equestria could wings have folded back so fast. Hearing that simple word perked my ears right up. “Free”…. Such a beautiful word, especially when food is involved. Still it wouldn’t be easy to get over the jitters that rattled my hooves to the bone. I didn’t even think it would be possible to remove my hood without passing out. Quivering and heavy my hoof raised up to push back the black cover off my head. Tunnel vision left my sight, the ground then wasn’t the only thing I could see. Rustic country buildings, flowers on almost every window sill, clear blue skies and colorful ponies left and right. As quickly as the nerves left me, they came rushing back like a flooding torrent. It was instantaneous movement that slung the hood back to its former upward position. I can only imagine how red my face was. The comedy was over and I wanted my prize. "See? That weren’t so bad nah was it? I figured ya were deformed or somthin but ya look like a regular pony tah me. Well… cept for that nasty scowl of yers in all honesty." She spoke so formally like I was a regular in town. My hooves began to tremble.
Would this humiliation ever end? I preferred stealing my meals anyway. The country pony dumped a little more than a bushel’s worth of apples into a burlap sack with a symbol of an apple on the side. I sat there questioning if it was really worth it. I made a quick jab at my stomach when she wasn’t looking for forcing me into the situation. She made her way around the stall, bag in mouth and set them aside to extend her hoof in a friendly hoofshake. Normally I’d just take the sack and wing it out of there; the on looking ponies might not take kindly to such a spectacle. Nothing wrong with shaking hooves I suppose. That right there was a BIG mistake. Up and down, up and down, faster than the eye could see, this mare sent wave after wave of motion through my hold body with each shake. With the kind of strength this freckled pony had she could easily take my whole arm clean off. "Welcome to Ponyville, mister. Name’s Applejack."
I pried my hoof from hers and picked up the sack. Motioning to turn around and make my exit she took notice of the burn scar on my flank, letting out a slight gasp of surprise. With wings outstretched I took high to the skies so that nopony could tell which way I was going. Was it rude of me to leave without reciprocating the greeting? Maybe, but at least it will send a message not to get too friendly with a pony like me. It’d be a waste of their time.
After a certain height it was just better to let myself free fall down to my hut. I love free falling. The wind blowing past my face and all around me, calmness of everything and being at peace just is too soothing. If it could last forever I’d prefer to fall asleep that way. Now all I had to do was veg out on my tree and watch the world go by. Funny thing about my plans, they almost never seem to go the way I want. "Aren’t you forgetting one teeny tiny little thing you planned to do." I cringed at the sound of his voice, the voice of a dead pony, the voice of my Bro. Gulping an apple in protest and reaching for another. He just stood there staring up at me with that stupid smirking stare he does. Peer pressure was his best weapon to get me to do anything…even now. Irritation filled my words. "Wait! Hold up! You hear that silence? Shhh listen. That is the sound of me not caring. It’s actually one of my favorite songs too. Let’s listen together."
That last bit pushed me over the edge of being ticked off. I took the apple in my hoof and chucked it as hard as I could at the empty space, hitting nothing but air and ground. For only a second or two I paused in a melancholic reflection. I hate being lonely, but it’s what has to happen. I’ll just have to hope I don’t run into Apple … something or other again. Remembering names was never a strong suit of mine. At least if I forget mine I just have to look back at my charred out flank to remember.
Trotting back into the town square was a little bit easier this time. Sure my sudden exit from the market seemed to draw some attention but I’d rather deal with unwanted attention than that nagging voice in my head. Eyeing down the list on the posting board at town hall I could but imagine how it would look if I worked each job. A baker at Sugar Cube Corner sounded like a sweet gig. Free food to take home sounded awesome… but … I think my scowling face would scare most of the customers away. A farm hoof at Apple Acres seemed to pay well for hard work. Too bad I don’t like any sort of heavy lifting. Plus I stole apples from them… the first time aaaaaand kind of insulted something Jack. A helping hand at the libra…NOPE! Boring!
Then I spotted it, a decent job that paid marginally well and could be done in less than an hour, depending on my speed. A mail pony sounded perfect for me. Back in Manehatton Bro and the rest of us would constantly high tail it away from cops and others who’d give chase. The city was a playground and we knew all the best spots. A small town like this, it’d be easy to learn its ups and downs. Tryouts were being held not too far from the town center. Who knows, maybe getting a job would help me feel more at ease with letting other ponies back into my life again. Being wrong is a broken record for me I think.
There must have been 12 or 13 pegasi lined up for examination. They were certainly a colorful bunch. I’d say there were mostly mares. Seems like the stallions in this town are grossly out numbered. Not sure if that is a good thing or not. I stood at the very end of the line. At least I did until a gray klutz with goofy eyes bumped into me sending me right into the pony next to me, thus sending her into the pony next to her and so on and so forth. "Oops my bad." She spoke with an askew smile.
The lot of us picked ourselves up grunting, groaning and making small remarks under our breaths. I knew I was going to make an inaudible comment here and there but never expected the ponies of this friendly looking town to do the same. The silly smile on her face became a frown as her one good eye looked to the ground while the other attempted to catch up. It was easy to identify with this bubble flanked mare. Living at the orphanage, I too dealt with some isolationism. However, I did it by choice by refusing to speak. She didn’t have the same luxury. The instructor walked up and down the line, discerning which pony had potential. This wasn’t a normal pony but rather a white… muscle with tiny wings. Never seen a more ripped out pegasus before. He came to a halt at the end, staring down both me and the klutz. Back and forth his head panned before settling on me. "That is an interesting cutie mark you have there. What, pray tell, is your special talent?"
I loathed when ponies asked me that question. It took much patience and self control to keep me from clocking this idiot in the face. My teeth were grinding, muscles tense, begging, no SCREAMING to go off on this fool’s face. I forced a smile while tilting my head back signifying some semblance of humor at the ill choice of his words. "Oh it’s actually a burn scar from my foalhood. It’s impossible for me to have a cutie mark because of it, sir."
Whispers passed between pegasi down the line. The snort of his breath said it all. Obviously I seemed like a troublemaker looking the way I do. Suddenly a flash of light and appeared before us all was that purple know-it-all from before. What was she doing here? One by one another pegasus passed out different numbered duffle bags as the instructor paced the line and spoke aloud. "This will be your test. You are to pass all these flyers out to your section of Ponyville. A map of your section is in the bag. We do not care how you get the job done, just as long you pass them out to each mailbox without fail. You will be graded solely on how quickly you get the job done. Do NOT attempt to just dump the flyers somewhere and fly back here. The flyers are special. Ms. Sparkle has agreed to help us determine which of you is cheating and which is doing their job properly. She has cast a spell on each of the flyers to randomly print an address when you pull it out. If you do attempt to cheat, she WILL know. Since I don’t see any rainbow manes on any of your heads, chances are you will take longer than 10 seconds to complete the task. You will all meet back here for evaluations. Is that clear!"
I don’t remember signing up for the royal guard. This guy was certainly wearing on my nerves with this whole drill sergeant act. Bending low to the ground waiting with eagerness to leap up into the air at his signal, thunderous claps and flashes filled the air. The sunny day vanished to the glow of the unicorn’s horn. Of course they’d make us do all this in a storm. Suddenly, ignoring that nagging voice from my imaginary Bro seemed a whole lot easier than before. He arched his head back before jolting it forward. "GO!!!"
All of us sprang forth into the wind, splitting off into our separate locations. We all scattered like flies from trash into the torrential rain. My plan was to make my way above the clouds to where it would be calm, only a few others did the same. I guess I am not the only clever pony. The sun shone above it all, calm and bright, pulling the map from my sack and carefully reading it was so much easier up here. Too bad most of the others didn’t think that way… well not too bad for me of course. It was clear where I needed to go. There was not time to dawdle. Slicing through the clouds, hoof in sack I pulled flyer after flyer out. Left and right I slid the drenched piece of paper into the mail slots, gliding close to the ground and over rooftops. We were the fish of the open sky and the town was our sea bed. Once and awhile I could see glimpses of other pegasi having trouble with the task as well as others doing it better than me. This test needed to be taken seriously and letting a half decent job like this go to any other pony was not an option. Moving faster and faster, my legs and wings working together, using roofs and other solid objects I kicked off to gain better sprinting speeds. Bouncing here and there, back and forth, the random addresses didn’t make it easy. The bag grew lighter and lighter until I was reaching to the bottom for the last one, this was it, all or nothing. After slamming the soggy sheet into the final box, I flapped my wings harder than ever, racing back to the starting spot. I could see it in the distance, one pony was already there, soon another touched down next to her. Forget safe landings, I can deal with the aches of a crash this time. With a loud splash of water and mud it was over. 3rd place was good enough. Picking myself up and shaking off the excess mud I stood proud of myself, rain drops and wet grass sliding down my arms.
Some took close to hours to get back while we just sat there in the pouring rain, waiting for them to return. Ok seriously did I accidently sign up for the royal guard? The least they could do was part the clouds above us. My lungs in my chest were still struggling to catch up with me. I looked to my left at the first pony who seemed to have been waiting here for a while only to be greeted by shock and amazement. The gray klutz beat me? How? There was no way this bubble brained blondie could move that fast! Soon I could see even in the pouring rain that it wasn’t only raindrops falling down her cheeks. She turned her head away in shame as her shoulders twitched with each whimper. Some of the flyers were still stuck to her fur. It was obvious, she had dropped all the flyers and they scattered in the storm. My scolding didn't help either. "You idiot! You dropped all your flyers?!" She nodded, whipping her tears and snot ridden nose. The last of the pegasi finally arrived and fell back in line. One by one the instructor made his way down the row side by side with the purple unicorn. She’d nod if they did their job the right way or shake her head if they screwed up. The moron next to me’s crying got worse. With guilt and anger pulsing through my gut, my thoughts shouted within me "Shut up you bubble brain… it’s your own darn fault you screwed up. Stop it! STOP IT NOW!!! Ugh! How old are you? He is getting closer, if you feel that bad then just GO HOME! I’m not going to feel bad for you so stop crying!" I wanted to say all those things, no... I wanted to howl all those things at her. But.... she just looked so ..... pathetic.
It was no use. The instructor was only a few ponies away and her sobs wrenched my gut something fierce. I would regret this for sure. All I could do was let out a sigh as I nudged her saying "Hey, don’t argue and just gimmie your bag." She stared at me for a moment with her head tilted in confusion before I threw mine at her hooves and forcedly removed hers. "This is the only time I am going to help you, after this you are on your own." A smile sprang across her face after I spoke those words. I remember someponyelse saying the same thing to me.
I couldn’t believe I was suckered in by a wall eyed ditz. As an added measure I quickly removed the wet flyers still stuck to her. She owed me BIG time for this. Hopefully the numbers meant something and that they’d think I was the big screw up. From under the hood I glared at her with eyes that meant for her to keep her mouth shut. Her soaking hooves whipped her tears away once more and stared straight forward… or at least tried to. Finally the moment arrived as the instructor planted his two front hooves in the mud directly in front of me. "So Mr. Scar Flank, Ms. Sparkle senses from that bag that you lost all the flyers and failed to complete your task."
Hearing him say my name with such sarcasm made my blood boil right up to my eyes. I could almost feel them turn red. I wanted to make all four of his hooves to point straight up, but not before introducing his face to Lefty. The purple unicorn eyed the gray mare and then back to me. If she knew what was good for her she’d remained silent. All I had to do was just take the snide remarks and be dismissed. Just let the air head have the job. The meat head's snarky comments continued on. "So what happened short stuff? Did standing next to Ms. Ditzy here turn you into a klutz too?"
That was it. At that point it didn’t matter how many ponies were looking at me, judging me to be just another thug. Satisfaction was going to be mine at the expense of this muscle bound, tiny winged tough guy’s consciousness. A grin stretched across my face as I thought of how much fun I’d have collecting a few of his teeth as my trophies. "Eh… I got bored and I just felt like dumping them in the river. It was a lot more fun than I expected." Seeing his face turn sour at that, he just had to be dumb enough to cross the line. "Well I guess being a screw up IS your special talent."
I try not to be a violent pony. Mainly because when I use to get in fights years ago I’d end up bruised and scrapped up pretty good, sometimes with a limp. I always had to rely on my Bro to back me up. But I have come a long way since my colthood, a long way from being a punk kid following the first pony that meant anything to me. I imagine the motion was instantaneous from the outside but for me it was clear and fluid like water. My hooves moved on their own, lowering my body and getting in close before bending my left hoof upward, kicking off the ground and flapping my wings for a lift off. His chin collided with lefty, putting up little resistance before the rest of his body followed after, lifting of the ground and falling on his back, turning that white coat brown. In my head I could hear bells ring to his K.O. That was the second time in my life that I was able to perform that move, the second time I managed to do my Bro’s patent “Underground Uppercut”. It may have been the second time, but it was the first time in many years I felt alive again since his death. In mid air my hood flung off from the momentum. My grin became a full on evil smile, and the other ponies stared in shock at the violence, their mouths wide open. I really was in a small country town. This kind of thing was normal back in the city. Out here, it was foreign to them.
The thrill subsided as all four hooves landed softly in the muddy ground. I moved my hood back into place and leapt into the air flying as fast and as far as I could, not looking back to see anypony follow. It was luck that let me off the hook when I stole those apples, but this time I was sure to get a visit from somepony seeking to bring me to justice. Why was I always right when I absolutely didn’t want to be? I’m only finishing this now because I just got off of my intensive community service. You’d never think that cleaning this town in the dead of night could be soo tiring. Even now I am rereading the events of the day and wonder how it is I get into these messes. How much time, I wonder, will pass before that gray mare loses the job on her own? Now is not the time to think. Now is the time for me to sleep. The Imaginary Bro on the other hand had a different plan. "Well you certainly had an interesting day."
Entry 3: Reminiscing on a Chance Meeting
Once again I’m in the blackness of the void in yet another dream. My hooves planted on solid ground that isn’t there. Looking around would be fruitless and futile as it appeared no different than when I close my eyes. The sounds of hoofsteps were distant and muted on their approach from behind. Spinning to look and see only to have nothing to view. Rapidly the steps increase in audibility and pace, always coming from behind. Fear grasps me as I frantically look left and right, to and fro, here and there to see more and more nothingness. Louder and louder, faster and faster they trotted till it was as though they were underneath my very own hooves. I’m not sure what possessed me to do so but having looked every which way except for down it had become apparent that it was my hooves doing the running. Galloping in no particular direction and going nowhere. I consciously force my hooves to still their clamorous gallop and in doing so could feel some strange force abruptly crushing me against the floor. What little strength I did possess could only stave off the weight on my body for so long. Even though it was a dream, the pain was all too real. The sound of clopping hooves resounded in my ears again clear as day. In the distant dark I could see…him again; my Bro trotting towards me, again sporting that smirking smile that annoyed me so. "You certainly have a ton of weight on your shoulders."
I stared at him in confusion before turning my gaze upwards. I had only glimpsed at it, not long enough to understand it, before I had awoke to the sounds of annoying chirping birds. There I was once more, in my tiny bed blankly staring upwards at my tiny ceiling, my body sore from cleaning all of Ponyville of its trash for my punishment. For the moment I just laid there trying desperately to recall the dream only to gain no success in such an endeavor. Only what he said remained. “You certainly have a ton of weight on your shoulders.” My Bro was never the type to be mysterious when he was alive. He wasn’t exactly the smartest pony from our old gang. Why was he visiting me in my dreams? Is this part of my curse? Is he haunting me for my failure? Memories flooded my head for several hours that morning.
My earliest memories, other than my sad beginnings, were of the orphanage I lived at in the bustling city of Manehatton. It was called Sheltering Wings Orphanage and sat at the edge of uptown and down town. Ironically that’s how the lives of us orphans would end up, either part of a rich upper-class family or another wandering soul in down town trying to make a living. Life as a foal was normal like any other childhood would be. At an early age, before cutie marks would appear on our little rumps, I was fairly popular among the other foals. My scar intrigued everypony as would anything out of the ordinary interest a child. But as time passed and we all became old enough to earn our cutie marks my “friends” deserted me and isolated me out of the group. It didn’t help that I refused to speak. Thinking about it now, I don’t know why I refused to talk to anypony. Maybe I just had pent up bitterness about losing my parents and never got over it. No. That wasn’t it. I think I was bitter because I was different from all the other ponies. So to hide myself from them all I found a cap to wear that covered my face well enough. Old habits die hard I guess. Being a blank flank was bad enough, but having the burn mark made me a target for bullying. Sundays were a nightmare for me as well. That was when prospective parents would come to do some… shopping. They’d have us stand at attention for examinations. Ponies with cutie marks were always favored over the blank flanks. Every rich family wants a talented son or daughter I guess. When each one got to me they’d fake a smile and polite greeting because they didn’t want to make me feel bad about my little issue. I only wish I spat in their faces for looking at me in the first place with those fake smiles. I was a little smaller than all the other colts and fillies so occasionally I’d have bruises and scrapes that the caretakers would pull me aside to ask about. They’d soon lose interest because of my refusal to speak. They’d always say to me. “If you don’t talk to us we can’t help you with the problems you are having with the other foals.” I just wanted to be left alone. I’d trot through the barrack style rooms pretending to be invisible, ducking my head down under the cap. Some days that’d work. The care takers, the good ones that is, would try to watch over me to protect me from the others. But they couldn’t be their all the time.
Things didn’t really get bad until the day all the colts decided to gang up on me in the pouring rain. I can still recall their chanting of my nick name, the name all ponies best know me by. “Scar Flank, Scar Flank, has no talent for that ugly flank.” They backed me in a corner against a brick wall covered in various graffiti in a nowhere ally in Hooftown. Through the dripping of rain on the brim of my cap they advanced toward me. Fear and helplessness was a usual thing in my early days at the orphanage. I winced my eyes shut, praying that it would be over quickly and that walking home wouldn’t be so hard after.
I jerked and twitched at the sounds of hooves meeting fur, the painful thuds of bodies hitting water soaked pavement, laughter echoing here and there as well as shrieks and cries of colts scurrying off. The tension eventually left my body as I cautiously opened my eyes to see… him standing with his back to me, lowering down his two front hooves to the ground. What I noticed first of all was his black jacket followed by his drill cutie mark. With jaws agape in amazement a thought crossed my mind. This adult just beat up a bunch of kids…is he mental? That day, that dreary day, the day that started my journey from a nopony to where I am now is the day I met my Bro. Looking back at me he gave only a smirk. "This is the only time I will help you. After this you are on your own."
He began to walk away, for the moment I had nothing to worry about. However, I’d still have to face all those ponies upon my return to the orphanage and they’d most certainly have a beating waiting for me. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go back, it’d be worse this time because this idiot had to butt in. What could I do? He was getting farther and farther away. The rain just kept coming down, offering no respite on my weary bones. There was no other choice; I scurried after the dirty, yellow earth pony in hopes of more protection despite his earlier declaration. I stayed behind him at a distance thinking if he knew I was following he’d tell me to trot off. The journey seemed to go on forever and no destination in sight, but all trips seem longer when the end is not known. We ventured deeper and deeper to the older part of the city. Looking around all that could be seen were worn out vacant buildings, homeless ponies and boarded up businesses. He rounded a corner, I was way behind, distracted by the sights and unpleasant smells that I had let him get out of sight. I rushed as fast as my hooves could carry me praying not to be picked off by any unsavory characters, sliding only a little bit at the corner and crashing head first into his chest. He knew I was following all along and stopped to catch me in the act. Retreating few steps back and peered slightly upward in fear of what wrath would descend upon me at the hooves of the pony that took on a whole group on his own. The cap I wore hid his eyes that would surely be blood red in anger.
"Oranges or pears?" he spoke to me with calm and collection in his voice. Bewilderment ensued I tilted my head to signify I didn’t understand. His hooves reached into both of his pockets and produced an orange and a pear. Could he make any less sense? Taking the pear with one hoof and the orange with the other, I bit into each one. My face distorted with disgust as I chucked the pear as hard as I could, smashing a nearby window without thinking. Biting into the orange however was too good to be true. The juicy sweet taste, the succulent flavor exploded in my mouth. A smile couldn’t be bigger even in this pouring rain. Food like this was a rarity at Sheltering Wings and only the strong would lay claim to it. He passed behind me before saying "That’s good kid. If you picked the pear I’d have to break one of your wings." Shivers went down my spine and swallowing became difficult the moment he said that. I felt it best to scarf down the rest of it so as not to agitate this dangerous looking pony. From the corner of my eye he waved me along to catch up. Finally after awhile of walking in the downpour we came upon an old abandoned diner.
"Home sweet home." he proclaimed, giving a shake of his fur to dry off. Everywhere you looked there was something sordid about the place. The booth’s seats were shredded, tiles were missing from the floor, only two stools at the bar were standing up right and water dripped and dropped from holes scattered about in the ceiling. I took one step inside before being surprised by two other earth ponies, one hiding behind the bar and the other falling out from one of the far off booths. Mean and nasty couldn’t possibly describe the visage of these thugs as they slinked and slunked their way towards me. My hooves moved on their own, stepping backwards in hopes of escaped only to be blocked off by my savior. Was I going to be mugged? Tortured? Even….killed? Nothing could prepare me for what happened next.
~Weeeelcome to Rockbottom Diner, There is no place that is finer, Sure it may stink and we know what you think, But its problems are really minor,
So come on in and have a seat, We’ll cook you something really neat, Why in such haste, have a little taste, We got anything you could eat,
(If you got the stomach for it that is)
Welcome to our place it’s a tiny little space it’s where we want to be, Where friends all meet and life is cheap cause everything’s for free it’s our home, it’s what we got, It’s a big bad boot in the plot So lets toast, raise a glass Here’s to Bro, a stallion with CLLLLLAAAASSSSSSSS
Soooo hello from Rockbottom Diner, you’re gonna love the view It’s our nest that beats the rest We’re so glad that you’re our guest Please try not to mind the peeeeeeesssst Rockbottom Diner welcomes yyyyyyooooooooouuuuuuuuu~
I stood there dumbfounded at what my little eyes had beheld. The song and dance that had transpired in such color and glamour that made it all the more ludicrous since it came from such dangerous looking individuals. They held their positions with their hooves out from the end of the song expecting me to respond. I’d say a good minute passed before I burst out laughing. Standing was impossible as my hooves gave way to the utter absurdity of it all, clenching my gut at how painfully funny it was. They soon followed suit in the laughter. Afterword Bro began to introduce himself and the two others. "This blue guy here with the beanie hat is Bula. We call him kid to tease him and see what faces he makes each time. It’s so much fun to torture this colt you have no idea."
My ears folded downward in sudden depression, I knew full well they wouldn’t have the patience to deal with my muted personality. Even as nice as they were I still didn’t want to speak. I regret that all now. Bro shifted his head ever slightly and saw my scar as did the rest after only a few seconds of my silence. With a scratch of his chin he and the others took turns speaking. "Oh I get ya. You are from Sheltering Wings Orphanage like we were. You don’t have a name either. It’s ok. Neither did we."
Bro looked to the others. "So guys what should we call him?" The three of them huddled together as they deliberated my name, the sounds of mumbles and inaudible words were the only things I could hear. I hoped and prayed to Celestia herself that they’d not call me Scar Flank, that they’d come up with something that didn’t relate to my stupid mark. But that’s how nick names work, you don’t ever get to pick them, and once they stick it’s all over. Digs stood center to the other two, confidence beaming on his face as he made the decision. "From now and on, you will be known to us as… Scar Flank." Surprise surprise I guess. They could all see the displeasure that washed over my face as they declared my new name. They spoke once more in turns, starting and ending with Bro. "Hey now that scar on your flank is something to be proud of."
The moment they spoke those words, it hit me. For the first time I wasn’t ashamed of my scar. I glanced back at it with pride. That pride would soon be tested over the many years of my life as most ponies wouldn’t look at it the same way these ponies did. I then looked back at them once more. They really didn’t mind my silence. They accepted me for who I was. I felt a fuzzy feeling inside from it all. Fearing looking stupid in front of them, I pulled my cap down a little to hide my face. They chuckled at my embarrassment. Wiping a tear away from the boisterous laughter Bro bent down to my level. "Well Scar now you are one of us. Welcome to Rockbottom Diner and also welcome to the Hooftown Hooligans." After he said that to me he patted top of my head. He really did act like a big brother to us. Suffice it to say, I didn’t go back to the orphanage. But sooner or later it would drag me back. This family, as fun as it was, wouldn’t last forever.
For the several hours they talked about how they received their cutie marks and how they got their nick names. Bula got his name because the others said something about him “being fula bula”. Not sure what that meant at the time but it dawned on me nowadays. Pretty funny now that I think about it. His cutie mark was that of a hat as he aspired at one point to be a hat maker. He was pretty good at it too, as on several occasions he’d fix my hat up when it got worn out or torn. Bronco was a different story altogether. He earned his name from his wild personality when he was a little colt like me, often exhibiting bipolar personalities from nice and cheerful to a rage of emotions. Bro and Bula joked that it was because his teams were always having good or bad days. Later down the road he took to cooking to calm his emotions and put his mind at ease. And that is how he earned a ladle and spatula cutie mark for his cooking prowess. Bro, or rather Digs earned his name from the fact that he would always dig himself and others into so much trouble and somehow always manage to dig right out of it. He was always causing trouble and always able to slip right out of it again. After his explanation there was a pause, the others looked uneasy when we got to the part about his drill shaped cutie mark. It wasn’t a happy story for him. I wouldn’t learn the truth about it for some time, not until I saw him emotionally compromised. But I don’t really feel like going into that now.
The rains had finally stopped as the sun was soon setting on our little abode. One by one they made their way upstairs to their prospective rooms, the sounds of creaking wood under their hooves with each step. They said their goodnights and shut their doors… not realizing quite yet I was still in the hall wondering where I was going to sleep. Simultaneously each of them poked their head out and looked at me, seeing me squirm in discomfort at not knowing what to do. Their gaze were upon me, then each other, then back to me again, back and forth they just couldn’t figure out what to do about my situation. Letting out a sigh of dissappointment Bro announced to the others what had to happen. "Ok I think I know what needs to be done…… Bula go sleep downstairs."
His eyes became big and glittery. I sat there in even more confusion at the kind of character he was to the others. No way would Bula do it for something that stupid. "Fine… prefer sleeping in my favorite booth anyway." Bula snorted under his breath as he passed by. Well…… it’s ok to be wrong sometimes, but that was just completely messed up. It didn’t take long to get to sleep. Beds at the orphanage were much cleaner yes, but this was soo much more comfortable. I could sleep in it forever… well I would have if Bro didn’t decide to sneak into the room and wake me up for Celestia knows why. I was perfectly happy nestled in my ratty blanket and pillow. Nudge after nudge he poked and prodded at me. "Hey, Scar, get up. Come on I got something you have to see." Turning over on my side should have told him flat out to go away. Nope. "Ok then, I guess you won’t mind if I just sat on top of you."
Like a flash I sprung up to my hooves. He just had to have that stupid smirk. Oh how I wish I could have smacked it off his face at least once. He led the way for about an hour with me trailing behind like a tired mindless zombie that just desperately wanted to go back to bed. Ally way after ally way looked all the same as my hooves staggered one in front of the other. Where the heck were we going? If that wasn’t bad enough he decided to climb a fire escape to the rooftops. From there things got really scary as he galloped and leapt from rooftop to rooftop. Did this earth pony know any kind of fear at all or was he just that stupid? Keeping up was a bit of arduous for me. I had yet to learn to fly and he was a ways ahead, shouting for me to catch up. Worn, battered and lifeless from my wings down, we made our way into a massive structure through a ventilation duct. It was dark inside wandering around on scaffolding above what appeared to be a boxing ring. Screaming and shouting ponies left and right cheered on their fighters as they entered the arena to the sparkles of camera flashes all over the place. Even with the roaring crowds beneath me I could barely keep my eyes open. Almost did I fall to sleep right there, that is… until I looked over and saw Bro’s eyes light up. His body was fidgety with excitement, smile stretching across his face and his two front hooves jolting ever slightly forward in a punching motion. As difficult as it was to keep awake, I just couldn’t ruin this moment, this act of him sharing something with me.
The fight commenced at the ring of a bell that seemed to be more audible than the screaming fans. I never saw anything like it before. These two ponies in the ring were… standing on their hind legs as they exchanged blow after blow after blow. Sometimes it’d appear that one would be the victor in a short round only to be sidestepped and taking punishment from his opponent in a burst of vigor. Staying awake didn’t cross my mind at that point; the thrill of the fight just… looked… SO COOL!!! The way they blocked, their right and left hooks, their hoof work, their punch placements, taking the defensive to wear out the opponent and even those beautiful uppercuts just looked too awesome to be real. For a moment I looked over to my Bro. He had been boxing along with them against the air the entire time. Punching this way and that way, ducking and dodging invisible attacks before throwing in a 3 to 4 hit combo. Looking at him I realized his dream. He dreamed to be a world class boxer pony. The bell rang out once more for what appeared to be a sort of break for the fighters. "Hey Scar check it out. Look look look. See her? I love seeing the end round mares walk across the ring with those cards. That’s another thing I love about this sport." Of course he’d be an idiot when I least expected it, ruining a cool moment in my head. Although, I can still recall my first night’s mare waving around those cards. She wasn’t a mare at all though, but a cute goat with all the right curves. You could even say that her butt was the stuff of royalty even from this height. Every week Bro would wake me up to go to these boxing matches. None of the others were ever in on this activity; it was just between the two of us. After that first night on the way back I rushed ahead of Bro, blocking off his path. Staring at me puzzled I raised on my hind hooves as best I could and put up my dukes. He snickered a bit before seeing the look on my face, the look of sincerity. I saw his talent and skill against the invisible foe and wanted to be strong, strong enough to stand on my own four hooves and strong enough to fight with him. "Well if you truly insist kid. I’ll be happy to oblige." He stood up getting into his stance, lights from the streets shining upward to our rooftops were our cameras, the wind picking up from our left was our screaming fan, he began to bounce ever slightly left then right and then….blackness. I woke up the next day in my bed with a nasty black eye that stung worse than anything the other colts use to do to me. It must have been so puffy that opening it was a chore in of itself. It was sure nice of him to carry me back. Every day since then, he’d practice his boxing moves on me while teaching me to fight. I must have been an idiot too back then. I traded down from just simple bullying bruises to full on professional bruises of a happy go lucky moron. It wasn’t all that bad though. He’d treat me to a movie and ice cream afterwards. Well treat isn’t quite the right word. We would sneak into the movies and we’d run out on the ice cream bill. That’s the life of a Hooftown Hooligan and I’d have wanted it no other way. We were a band of trouble makers we were. During practice the other guys would cheer me on, telling me how to dodge him and handle the fight. I think they did more harm by distracting me than helping me. For the first couple of months I could never lay a hoof on him. But as those months progressed, I’d last longer and longer against him and the black and blues were not as prevalent after a while. We’d always go at it and I’d be caught off guard by that stupid smile of his.
My hooves are starting to tremble as I write this. I think I’ll stop reminiscing here for now. Thinking about all my happy memories at once is just really painful. Tired of laying here in bed anyway.
Entry 4: The Other Side of the Coin
It’s been a few days since my last entry. Finding work in town hasn't been easy due to my less than reputable action against the tiny winged, meat headed pegasus. I don’t regret what I did, but my stomach certainly likes to remind me of how stupid it was. Going down the list of jobs posted at the job board in town hall was a fruitless task. More often than not, “Help Wanted” signs would disappear behind colorful curtains at my passing. Other ponies would just turn me away face to face or tell me that “the position has been filled, thanks anyway” before slamming the door in my face. Putting on a charming smile didn't really help as it would always look awkward and forced. My options were waning as was my ravenous tummy with each sting and bite to my insides. I descended the list of options rather rapidly. With energy spent and depression setting in I sunk my shoulders for the trek back to my home. “Excuse me sir!” My ears twitched to a voice from ahead of me. What could some pony want with me? Did they not know of my violent disposition?
Picking my head up a little I could see the hooves of a mare. The lack of stamina made my anxiety of being looked at a non-issue. Higher and higher I raised my head till we saw eye to eye. A concerned face greeted me as she spoke. “You look like a pony in desperate need of work.” Normally I’d snort at the thought of a pony taking pity on me. It always rubbed me the wrong way I suppose. But I was in no condition to argue, not to mention my imaginary Bro staring me down from behind her, giving me a look to tell me to just take whatever help I could get. With my eyes turned towards the floor I nodded to her statement. She wrote an address down on a scrap piece of paper and hoofed it to me. “Despite the aggressive act the other day no pony should go hungry. I’ll give you a chance.”
“Despite the aggressive act” she said. I guess I was a little more out of line than I thought. But even so, I know at least one pony knew the truth of that instructor’s bully like conduct. Hopefully she was doing fine at her job… well… as fine as she can be doing. All night I stared at the slip of paper, wondering what kind of job it could be. At this point any job is better than no job. My imaginary Bro paced up and down what little walking distance he could just spouting random possible occupations. I sometimes hate my overactive imagination. “It could be anything. It could be a job doing security. Wouldn't that be awesome? Ooh or a job tasting new foods for the town cook. That’d be sweet. Maybe even a job-“ After letting out a loud sigh cutting him off “Who knows? Maybe it’s a job where you shut up so I can sleep. Or better yet. It’s a job where we just sleep and worry about it in the morning”
He was especially obnoxious that night. Back in the old days he’d only be like this after a good showing at the boxing ring. But this time he was only like this because my mind was actually a flutter of what the job could be. What could a mare like her have me do? I still didn't know the town very well and the address was unfamiliar. Come to think of it, I have yet to go looking for where I use to live in town. And still…I have yet to visit my parents graves. I don’t think I have the courage to face them yet. I never really knew them, plus I doubt they’d be proud of the pony I became. Not to mention I don’t even know their names. Finding out anything about them or where I lived might actually be impossible. Eventually my mind and my Bro settled allowing me to drift off into sleep.
My dream that night was one of particular woe. The voice of somepony I once held in my heart was humming a nostalgic song. With my heart twisting inside I could barely contain the tears from flowing. Tightly I held my eyes shut to hold it in knowing full well that those levies wouldn't last long, until I… felt her lean against me. Her horn was poking me in the chin like the old days; her warmth against me made the emotional torture all the worse. I dreaded opening my eyes and watching her vanish before me with disappointment upon her brow. It’s ironic. I pushed her away so she could be happy only to have her here in my dream, representing the arduous decision long ago made. Just as my hooves lifted up to embrace her a terrible pain shot through my chest, as though it was piercing through my very heart. My eyes opened to see the shack’s ceiling once more, hooves caressing my chest from the terrible nightmare that felt so real. I understood then, the second stage had begun. Now my dreams will have the impact to hurt me. It seems that there was still a long way to go before the final stage of my curse. More tears yet to be shed before I can finally rest my head.
Despite the terror of my dream it was still a little relaxing being able to sleep in a bit, hungry or not. I could tell that the sun was on the verge of setting. Like usual I did my little coat trick before going out and like usual I kept my hood up and my head down as I trotted through town. Instead of whispering ponies talking about me I heard the occasional door slam. As if I’d want anything from any of them. Raising my head up to read various street signs I neared my destination. Passing me by were small foals galloping to their various homes in town. Where was I going that I’d pass small children? Looking back as they passed one seemed to be left behind a little. Certainly seemed like the runt of the group. Continuing onward my path dead ended at… “A School!?”
There was no way in Equestria that I could ever work at a school. I’m no teacher, nor am I any good with kids. Oh Celestia, what could this mean? I figured at that point I could try flying away real sneaky like. “Excuse me, sir? You are just in time” Drat! She spotted me. I couldn't run away now. I had to play it off as a joke. “Hehehe sorry, thought I could run away, haha…ha” There was no way she would buy that. She giggled before responding “Nope, you got a lot of work I need done around here.” She totally bought it! “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself the last time we met, I am Ms. Cherilee. I teach the children here in this schoolhouse.”
It was strange, aside from my friends from my foalhood no other pony ever really took an interest in me. I told her about how I use to live in town as a baby and of my accident. I told her also of my early days at the orphanage. Felt better not to bring up painful memories for her to pity me over. She showed me into the class room and began to define what it is I was to do. There were all sorts of class room items scattered about. Drawings on the walls, bookshelves filled with textbooks, desks slightly out of line from the children’s anxious escape from class. Sights that reminded me of my foalhood raced through my head, it had been a very long time since my hooves had been in a classroom. The teacher appeared before me with bucket in mouth and various other cleaning items on her desk at the front of the room. “This is what I’d like you to do. The children leave this place in such disorder every day that I've decided to hire some pony to clean it for me. It’s not a great job to have but would you be willing to take up a task like this?” Her eyes widened, hoping that I’d take the job. Relegation to janitor duty to a bunch of kids? It’s not like I had any other alternative. Sliding my hood back I picked up a sponge and went to it. She let out gleeful sound before returning to her desk to look over her students’ assignments. I suspect she was tired of doing it herself, so why not hire a sucker to do it? And a sucker I was.
I had expected to be by myself when the cleaning had taken place. There was a stillness in the air as I washed desk after desk, dusted shelf after shelf and removed various trash strewed about the floor and receptacles. All that could be heard was the sounds of wiping from my sponges, various desk legs scratching the floor from each bump, flaps of paper that the teacher was looking over from the class’s assignments that day and even the occasional cough. The first night started out ok but then became awkward as no other conversations were carried on during my task. The sun was completely down, she looked over my cleaning and nodded for a job well done. Subsequent to locking up the school we went our separate ways. Before she got too far out of sight she called out to me. “Thank you Mr. Scar, see you same time tomorrow?” I just awkwardly waved back before taking flight into the starry, night sky. I was beat. Cleaning up that room really took it out of me. I was set to finally sleep and wait for work tomorrow. I nestled into my coat pillow and shut my eyes… only to have the open wide a split second later. “SHE FORGOT TO PAY ME!!!” The moment that realization hit me so did my stomach. Suffice it to say, that night was also of a woeful nature.
I had no nightmares to speak of, but the pain of hunger was nagging at me nonstop. Lounging around that next day wouldn't work, I needed something to take my mind off things. Perhaps a trot around the nearby lake would do the trick. With coat in mouth I swung opened the door only to be stopped by a basket of food sitting at my doorstep topped off with a hoof written note. My jaw dropped as did my coat. Food, glorious food sat their staring me in the eyes, begging me forth to consume it and satisfy my famine once more. I could almost sing about this wonderful treat… but I won’t. The note was from the teacher.
Dear Mr. Scar
Sorry I didn't remember to pay you for your services yesterday evening. It did not hit me until I tucked myself into bed. I thought that this basket of food could tide you over until later. Once again I am deeply sorry about that.
Signed
Ms. Cherilee
P.S. I have a proposition for you when you finish up tonight if you don’t mind hearing me out.
A “proposition”? What could that mean? Did she really have to word the message that way? I paced back and forth in front of my door wondering what it could be. And of course he had to show up. “Ya know, it could mean she digs ya. Heh! Get it? Digs ya. I made a funny.” I payed him no mind as I thought about it long and carefully. I just couldn’t think on this empty stomach. I had this nice basket of food all for me and a bench by the lake with my name on it. Sweet serenity came packaged with tasty fruits and a view of the lake. Before I could take a bite of the red, delicious apple within, “Dweebs! All of them are dweebs! Stupid Pinkie turning Dash into a loser!” And like that my serenity was shattered by the irritable words of a rude griffin. Her grumbling just got louder as her rant continued. I did what I could to ignore her and go back to my meal, keeping my eyes trained on my food and the lake. Louder and louder she became, flailing her arms in frustration. Glancing up at her only once out of curiosity made me the target of her ire. “Whatchu lookin at you punk!?” Nervously I kept my head down, I didn’t need trouble. Not now. Unfortunately it was too late. With a flap of her giant wings she was right there next to me, staring me down with a deathly gaze. “You have something to say to me, short stop?” She just had to say something about my height. The anger inside clawed at my skull, trying to escape all the while Bro whispered to me “Resist that urge to get angry. Look at her. She is just upset about something that does not relate to you. You will regret losing control. Don’t fight HER, fight your nature. I believe in you.” His fictitious voice in my ear abated the urge to retaliate.
“I didn’t think so!” She turned to walk away from me; I had succeeded in not giving into my darker side. Sadly, with swipe of her tail the basked was knocked to the ground spilling the contents. I was sitting here on the bench minding my own business and only looked at this angry griffin. My Bro’s calming message vanished from my mind. I felt it was time to let some steam off anyway. Her wings spread wide to take off, but not before I had my say. “So what did some little pink pony take your precious Dashie from you? How annoying. You sound like a crying child getting upset and throwing a tantrum.” Her wings stiffened before calmly folding back. She turned to me, wrath pouring from her eyes. With her talons outstretched she picked me up and forced me against the tree next to the bench. Pain was on the menu and she was ready to order. “What did you say to me you pipsqueak!?”
Her eyes were intense. Angry tears were cascading off her puffy red cheeks. I was certain to receive the generous beating. But her wrathful grunts and groans became more dejected as she slowly put me down and collapsed into a mess of emotional devastation. I had to snap myself back out of it and realize what I had done. Against my better nature I had once again succumbed to my own inner malice. This once tough spirited griffin now lay balled up on the ground trying to hide her tears and shame. At that moment, at that one single moment I looked at her and saw a little bit of myself, saw another who was isolated for being different. Calmly I collected what food that could still be eaten and cleaned off the dirt. Sitting back at my bench with the griffin still whimpering I couldn’t even take a bite without tasting sour bile of guilt. It was no use. I had to fix this somehow. Bro had been giving me dirty stares for the entirety of my tirade. “Hey!” The griffon looked up to see me toss her something from the basket. She still looked plenty ticked but munched away at the fruit anyway. Slowly she eventually sat next to me on the bench. Hardly any words were exchanged for the better part of an hour. At least the guilt was somewhat gone. Her words broke the silence once more. “You tell a single pony about this and you will be on the top of my beat list.”
The banter between us stayed pretty much like that for the rest of the day. She’d joke about how “lame” the ponies in town are. I’d just nod my head to keep her entertained. The sun’s setting soon led to our parting. I had my work at the school to do and she wasn’t really welcome in town from what I gathered. Before taking off she yelled back from the sky, “Consider yourself off my beat list for now.” I didn’t look back, just raised my hoof up as my goodbye.
The children passed by, happy and care free. Once again the little one trailing behind the others eager to catch up. Normally it would be just another day of cleaning. However I had, at that moment, remembered her “proposition”. We exchanged pleasantries and casually went about our business. I couldn’t get my mind off of what it was she wanted to talk about. Maybe it was not that important after all. Maybe I have nothing to worry about. It was dead quiet yet again that night. “Oh right, Mr. Scar!” The sudden sound of her voice startled me as I dropped my sponge to the linoleum floor. She giggled and began again. “Sorry about that. I was wondering if you’d help me with a little something.” I gulped a little bit before responding back. “W-what d-did you have in m-mind.” She moved from behind her desk and approached me, my heart was beating rapidly with each hoof step. This couldn’t possibly be a good thing. Closer and closer she drew until she stood directly in front of me, inside my personal bubble. “Would you mind if I introduced you to the class tomorrow.”
All the anxiety melted away as I let out a sigh of relief. I had really thought that Ms. Cherilee was… well now that isn’t important but what is important was the fact as soon as my nervous energy left me it came right back. I was going to be presented, to a classroom full of foals. They would see me. My spine became ice cold as I rushed into a corner of the room and hid under my hood. “What’s wrong Mr. Scar. I never pegged you to be a shy pony.”
She then placed her hoof on my head reassuringly. “It will be alright. I promise. I think the children will like you quite frankly. Well most of them anyway.” I looked up to her in puzzlement. “Most of them?”
Believing in her words just seemed right at the time. I don’t know if it was because she was a mare or just the first pony not to look at me like another bad guy. My nerves left me as I returned to the task of cleaning the school house. With a few nods of approval once more she locked the front door and presented me a sack of bits. “Hey wait a second I think you gave me a little too much. I mean I only cleaned the room. I don’t think my cleaning is worth…. 120 BITS!?”
Pausing to think on it for just a few seconds we both went our separate ways. I looked back before she got out of view. “Are you sure that I won’t scare the children? I mean you do know about my violent attack against that instructor?” She looked back with a smile. “I also know he was suspended for his bullying behavior to a newcomer to our town. Everypony just feels nervous around you because you look so menacing. But you are in fact more kind than you realize.” My shoulder’s lifted; the weight of my action didn’t seem so heavy anymore. The other ponies still thought of me as a bit scary but they also know I was only responding to his negative comments. Maybe I can let go of my shy, recluse nature. But the fact remains that I am knocking on heaven’s door from my curse coupled with my short temper meant that getting close to anypony is a danger to them.
Sleep was unreachable for me as I thought most of the night about coming to class for Ms. Cherilee and what would happen when I got there. One idea was of the children screaming and panicking as they climbed over one another fighting hoof and wing and horn to get away. Another was of them laughing at my scar and me losing control of my temper again. That one bore the majority of my fear. Then, in this bleak life of mine, I thought a little positively for a change. I guess that knowing other ponies knew I was just ticked off at the instructor helped pick up my spirits a little. Smirking off in the corner of the room, Bro entertained wild notions of how the day could go. “Maybe they will be all like, ‘WOW! That scar is so cool mister! Where did you get that jacket? I want one too’.” For once in a long while his ideas actually made me smile a bit. I dare say I was looking forward to tomorrow.
The sounds of birds could be heard chirping, stirring me awake as I contorted and stretched out my limbs. It was the first dreamless night I had for a while. I snacked on what was left in the basket and headed out after my morning routine. This time however, I did not put my hood up. It just somehow felt like it was going to be ok. It didn’t even hurt to smile all the way there. Go figure that out. For once, since I got here I could see the whole town as I walked about. It seemed a lot prettier than I remember from my first viewing of it at the market. Ponies passing by didn’t stare at me… well not too much. I was still a little nervous about all of this as I didn’t maintain eye contact with anypony along the way. The school during the day had a different appearance than at sundown. Removing my hood allowed me to step into a whole new world I never knew. It was so much more colorful and vibrant. With a few knocks I could see the teacher look over to me, nodding her head to enter. I could tell by her eyes that she was a bit taken aback by my wearing my hood down. I responded with an awkward smile. The class that once held a ruckus soon pacified at the teacher’s signal and all that could be heard upon my entrance was the creaking of the door and the few whispers between the foals. “Class this is Mr. Scar. He is new to town.” I looked around and saw so many young faces staring right back at me. Some of them in shock at my appearance, some of them fascinated, some a little uneasy and nervous, and a few who seemed less than interested. “Um… hi everypony.” My voice cracked just a little and a few giggles bounced from one foal to the other. One by one the children slowly raised their hooves to ask questions, and one by one Ms. Cherilee pointed them out. The first was a little one with a big red bow. “Are you the one mah sister met in the market the other day? The one who flew away after she introduced herself?” The country accent was too familiar, this little one must have been related to the mare with the hat. What was her name again…? “Um… yea… eh… sorry about that. I’m not too good at being social.”
The teacher then pointed to the next one. It was a little orange filly. “Where did you get that cool jacket? It looks soo awesome. If I had a jacket like that Rainbow Dash would sure notice me.”
I had to lie to the little filly about how I acquired the jacket, she just looked so dang cute. They all did, I couldn’t make all these foals teary eyed. I wouldn’t have survived it. The next question came from a little unicorn up front. “Your coat looks a little torn, do you need it fixed? My sister can fix it for you mister. She owns a boutique and makes all kinds of dresses and stuff.”
The whole class laughed at my lousy joke. I never felt so comfortable in so long. It was fun answering questions and interacting with these kids. Soon after hooves flew up into the air. The next question came from a little pipsqueak in the back. Ironically the teacher referred to him as Pipsqueak. “What’s your cutie mark mister? I can’t figure it out.” My belly full of happy butterflies went cold and dead. I felt terror as foal after foal looked to one another, tilting their heads at the oddity that was my lack of a cutie mark. Please don’t let me lose my temper. Not now. Not here. “Well… um… uh… ya see.” The teacher interrupted. “He had a terrible accident when he was just a baby class.” The looks on their eyes were wide and concerned, few of them gasping at the thought of such a thing. I had to say something. “Y-yea. It was a long time ago. But I’m all better for it. See? In fact I think I am all the tougher from it. Ha ha...ha.” I had to force a laugh to steer the conversation to a more lighthearted rout. The chatter among them became more and more audible as they wondered about my little mark. The teacher settled them down soon enough. Then the little guy in the back who asked the question shouted out with a voice so tiny. “I think it’s cool, Mister.” These well behaved children made forget all about my troubles. Then suddenly, a prissy looking filly with a tiara spoke out of turn. “Does that mean you don’t have a talent?” I’ll admit it stung a little bit but I knew she was just a kid. I just laughed it off. “Hehe actually I’m not sure what my talent is. The scar makes it impossible for me to know what it might be.” Another filly next to her spoke out of turn as well. “So you don’t even know if your special talent is something lame or not?” That one stung a little bit more. I guess these were the few fillies the teacher mentioned. The smile on my face became more and more burdensome as the heckling continued. “Now girls that is very rude!”
I just stood there dumbfounded at how cruel these two fillies were being. It felt just like my childhood all over again. Even if it was just them doing the heckling it still drudged up painful memories. I didn’t say another word. I just calmly turned around and walked out of the class. If I had stayed there any longer, I fear they’d see a side of me only few would ever get to see and be conscious afterward. The teacher rushed out as well as a few of the children. I just looked back and glared before jetting off into the sky. I should have known that this day wasn’t going to be awesome. Gilda was right all along. This town is really “Lame”. But where else could I go? I was furious. I haven’t changed at all. I can’t get past what I am. After landing near my house I took my anger out on a close by tree. Jab after jab after hook after hook, I punched this tree over and over, shaking leaves and critters from its branches. I must have done that for hours and hours. After I worked my frustration out on the tree I looked and saw many hoof indentations. It still wasn’t enough. I wanted to keep going until the tree fell over. But my energy was spent and my hooves were sorer than they had ever been before. Sitting there at the base of the tree, watching the world go by, Ms. Cherilee soon came looking for me. Why would she even think it was a good idea to come find me? “I’m so very sorry Mr. Scar. I didn’t mean for it to go that way.” I blankly stared at her, too weary to answer. “Those two have received a month’s detention after a week’s suspension. Please come back. The children really liked you.”
I sprung up and advanced to within inches of her face glaring down on her, telling her to leave with my eyes. That look, the look I remember all too well. The look of fear was on her face, and I hated myself for seeing it again. She ran off after a few seconds. I don’t know if she was crying or not, but its better this way. I can’t control my anger. If I have another outburst, I don’t know what I’d do if I…. I think it’s best to just sleep for awhile. Staggering back to my shack, my figment Bro just looked away. It wasn't the first time I made him ashamed of me. Just imagining it tears a hole in my heart.