Heart of the Wood

I wake up in the late morning feeling more rested than I have in days. Mercifully, my sleep was dreamless after Tree Hugger's visit. I look to the nightstand and find a bowl of blueberries next to a tall glass of apple juice. I smile and press the call button before diving into the berries.

A few minutes later Nurse Sweetheart appears at the window. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

I wash down a mouthful of berries with the juice. "I feel so much better now. I haven't slept like that in awhile. I'm guessing I have you to thank for breakfast."

She smiles broadly. "I'm glad to hear it, sugarcube. That was the most peaceful sleep I've seen you have, so I didn't wake you for eggs and toast. I didn't want you to go hungry, though. If you want something hot, I'm sure the kitchen can put a plate together."

I shake my head. "These are delicious! It should be plenty until lunch." I pop another berry in my mouth. "If I'd known the kitchen had berries like this, I would have asked for them sooner."

Sweetheart laughs softly. "Those aren't from the kitchen. They almost never have fresh fruit. I slipped out to the market while you were sleeping."

I stop chewing, staring back at her. "You bought these yourself?" At her nod another thought occurs. "And the strawberries the other day?"

She nods again. "As well as the whipped cream. They try to make the food healthy and tasty here, but it can be a little on the bland side."

"You really didn't have to do that," I say. "I'd be happy with the normal food here. You didn't have to spend your own bits."

Sweetheart smiles. "I wanted to do it, sugarcube. It's a little way to brighten your day, and you needed some brightening."

I look down into the bowl, chewing over the idea. "I don't know if I'm comfortable with that. I'm just a patient. I never met you before I came here, and you're doing so much more for me than your job requires."

She nods. "You're my patient, and I take that seriously. I may have only met you a few days ago, but that doesn't matter. As long as you're in my care, I will treat you with all the kindness I can offer."

"But what if…" I can't look up at her. Quietly I finish, "What if I don't deserve it?"

She's quiet for a moment. I can feel her gaze. "Heart Wood," she says gently. "Look at me, sugarcube." I reluctantly raise my head, seeing her soft smile. "Everypony deserves kindness. Even ourselves. I want you to try and believe that, alright?"

I bite back tears. Her words draw me in, but my fears remain. "I'll try," I promise.

Sweetheart nods once. "Good. Now finish your breakfast before the lunch tray arrives." She winks. "I hope you like apples. Some of the best in Equestria are grown right here in Ponyville. I'll make sure you have a few with lunch." She turns to leave.

"Nurse!" I call. She looks back again. I manage a little smile. "Thank you."

Her smile beams. "It's my pleasure, Heart."

I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, eyes closed and trying to hold back the sneeze I feel coming on. I take a deep breath, holding it. It doesn't work and the lightning singes the door.

I sigh, shaking my head. The bed suddenly feels too constricting. I stand and take a few steps. The window seems to start spinning in my view. Seconds later I'm laying on the floor.

"Heart Wood! Are you alright?" Nurse Sweetheart calls through the speaker. I look up and she's watching me with wide eyes.

I nod. "I just got a little dizzy. I'll be fine." I try to stand but my legs wobble and my head spins again. I fall back to my side. "Or I might stay here for a while. I'm comfy."

"I've got you," she says. A blue glow surrounds me and I float to the bed. "Are you hurt, sugarcube? Twist a hoof?"

"Only my pride," I say. "I got tired of laying in bed and tried to walk around the room a bit."

Sweetheart raises a brow, nodding. "Well, now we know not to do that, don't we?" She floats the sheet up over my legs. "I was just here to see if you were up to seeing visitors. I'll tell them to come back later."

I lift my head despite the dizzy sensation. "No, wait. I really want some company." I smile at her. "Please? I promise I'll stay in bed."

"Alright, as long as you stay lying down. If you need anything, hit the button." She walks away. A few minutes later there's the sound of approaching hooves.

As they step into view my smile grows wide. "Buzz! Plum!" One by one the entire crew appears. Every one of them is clutching flowers or cards. "I'm so happy to see you all." I cough, sending a spray of bubbles into the room.

I hear a few murmurs before Buzzcut steps to the speaker. "Hey there, Heart. We all wanted to come see how you're doing. You're, ah, looking good."

I laugh. "I'm too dizzy to stand, covered in orange spots, and coughing bubbles. I look like a mess and I know it."

He blushes at the admonishment, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck. "I just wanted to make you feel better."

I smile softly. "Yeah, well don't. It helps a lot more to face what's happening. I want all of you to just talk to me like you did on the job. If you want to say something about this disease, just say it."

Plum Blossom is the first to answer. "You got it, Heart. So, did you ask Clear Cut yet?" She grins, and a chuckle rises from the rest of the ponies.

I can't help but laugh. "Actually, I did. He told me why, too. We're good." I raise a brow. "Where is the boss, anyway?"

Log Jam smirks. "The nurse wouldn't let him in. Something about disturbing the patients."

A grin spreads over my lips. "Ah, yeah. You know how the boss is with me. I'll see if the nurse will change her mind if he promises to keep it down to a rumble."

Another ripple of laughter passes through the group.

"I hear you brought in the rest of the orders early," I say. "And you did it short-hooved. That's going to be nice bonus."

Aspen nods. "That's always good, but, um, we really wanted to get in to see you before the end."

"Before I die," I say softly, smiling at the rash of uncomfortable expressions among them. "It means a lot to me that you did. It makes me feel like a real part of the crew."

"You always were," Buzzcut says, wiping his cheek. Aspen puts a hoof around him.

Plum Blossom speaks up before the tears can spread to more of the group. "You might like to know, that was our last bloodwood harvest. The boss said Top Timber is taking it off the sales sheets."

Log Jam nods, adding, "It's going to cost him, too. Bloodwood sells for a big markup. He said it's not worth the risk anymore."

I raise a brow, nodding. "Wow, that's a big step to take." A thought strikes me and I chuckle. "I guess that means none of you will be cutting me down once I'm a tree."

There's stunned silence from the other side of the glass. They all stare at me, mouths hanging open. Then a snicker starts at the back of the group. Strong Hoof throws her head back, laughing loudly. Everypony stares at her until she catches her breath. "What? It's funny," she says.

I laugh at that, shaking my head. "You all need to work on your sense of humor." I hear a soft, airy whisper just behind my laughter.

Buzzcut looks between Strong Hoof and I in disbelief. "I don't know how you can laugh about that."

I smile at him. "Because if I don't laugh about it I'll start crying," I say gently, "and I cough more when I do that." I feel my nose tingle and turn my head just in time for the two sneezes to send their tiny lightning bolts into the wall instead of the window. "Besides, how can you not laugh at a disease that does that?"

Aspen steps into the silence that follows before it grows uncomfortable. "So, Heart, I hear the food in these places rivals camp food for how bad it is. Any truth to that?"

Stay with us...

I furrow my brow, looking at Aspen. "What was that last part you said?"

He smirks. "I asked if it's true how bad the food is."

I shake my head quickly, returning focus to Aspen. "Ah, no, they're making sure I get the good stuff. I do miss your haycakes, though. They're the best I've ever had."

You are welcome…

I sigh, looking for who's speaking. "Sorry, what was that?"

They look at each other with confused frowns. Buzzcut clears his throat. "Um, nopony said anything, Heart."

It's my turn to look confused. "I could swear I heard you." I lay my head back. "Nevermind. Aspen, yeah, I actually had some of the juiciest, best-tasting apples I've ever had with lunch."

Hours later, after they've gone, I lay in bed reading over the cards they brought. My smile won't fade as I look from heartfelt ones to raunchy funny ones, and one from Plum Blossom that manages to do both. The sweet scent of marigolds and roses fills the room from the bouquets they bought, laying on the nightstand.

"I can bring a vase to put those in," Nurse Sweetheart says brightly. "The flowers will last longer in water."

I look at them there. "If you want to, I suppose," I answer with a shrug. I turn my smile to her and add, "They'll likely last longer than I will, anyway."

She smiles back, letting the comment pass. "Somepony is in a good mood. You were right about seeing your friends. This is the most you've smiled since you got here." She winks. "It looks good on you."

My mind drifts back to the short time I've known them. "My friends. I've barely known them two weeks, but yeah, I guess they are."

"It's not how long you know a pony. It's how far you let them in." Sweetheart looks down for a moment. "Speaking of which, another arrangement came in for you. I wanted to make sure it's ok to bring it in."

I raise a brow. "Why wouldn't it be? Who's it from?"

"Your parents," she says softly.

My smile fades under the thought of our last conversation. I glance at the cards and flowers, trying to regain the joy of the crew's visit. I sigh. "Will you keep them in water for me, please? I don't know if I can look at them right now."

Sweetheart tilts her head, her expression bittersweet. "You really should consider forgiving them, Heart. It will take a lot of weight off your spirit."

I shake my head slowly. "I can't. Not yet. I'm trying to, but I'm not there yet." I show her a small smile. "I'll get there."

She nods once. "Alright, sugarcube. I'll bring a vase for the ones you have." She turns away.

Stay forever…

My eyes open wide. "What did you say?" I ask loudly before she gets out of earshot.

Nurse Sweetheart stops, raising a brow. "I said I'll bring a vase."

I nod quickly, taking a new interest in the cards. "Oh, right. That's what I thought you said."

She looks at me for a moment, frowning slightly. "Is something on your mind, sugarcube?"

I shake my head. "Nothing, really. I was just trying to remember the symptoms of swamp fever, is all."

Her look remains skeptical, but she answers. "Well, I know you know the mottled coat, dizziness, bubble coughing, and the shock sneezes. That just leaves confusion, and I doubt you could forget the final stage."

I smile and nod quickly. "Yes, confusion, that was it. I just forgot that one."

"Are you sure?" she asks. "It's not a checklist. If you're feeling confused, there's no shame in it."

I laugh, even though it sounds forced to me. "Not at all," I lie. "I'm fine. It's just been a busy day."

Nurse Sweetheart watches me for a minute. "Alright," she says. "I'll get that vase for your flowers." With that she walks away.

I wait until I can't hear her hoofsteps anymore, then let out a held breath. "She didn't say anything about hearing voices," I mutter. "What else is wrong with me?"

Day 18

I'm at the logging camp, sitting in the mess tent with the crew. The scent of haycakes fills the air along with their laughter. I smile so wide my cheeks hurt, listening to their stories.

I look at each of their faces. They smile back at me, filling my heart with warmth. "Buzz," I say, turning back to him. "Tell us the flash bee story."

Buzzcut is gone.

I blink, turning back to the others. "Anypony see Buzz leave?"

The tent is empty and dark. The smell of food and wood fire are gone, along with the plates of haycakes.

Come. Join us.

The voices seem distant. I move over to the tent flap. "Hello?" I call, "Where is everypony?" stepping out of the tent as I do.

I'm in my family home. The twins are laughing, teasing each other mercilessly. Willow Leaf reads a book on tree species while Sap Wood hoof-paints on a large paper. "Willow? Did you see anypony come through here?" I ask.

Willow turns her book towards me. An illustration of a bloodwood tree fills one page, and a detailed drawing of the flower the next. "Ever hear of whinnywood, Heart?" she asks eagerly. "It says here it's magical, and it's also called bloodwood. The red sap leaves the wood a bright pink! Wouldn't that make a beautiful bed?"

Before I can answer, Sap Wood calls to me. "Heart! Heart! Come see what I made you!"

I walk over to him, smiling at the colorful paper. "What do you have there, Sappy?" I ask with a wink.

"Don't call me that!" he says with a pout. It doesn't last as he turns the paper around. There's a huge heart shape surrounding a large tree with blue and orange flowers. Another heart shape graces the side of the trunk. "See? It's you as a tree!" he says proudly. "I made the flowers blue and orange because they're yours and my favorite colors. I love you, Heart!"

I stare at the picture for a long time. "Willow?" I ask over my shoulder. "Did you show Sap your book?" I look back to her chair.

Willow and the twins are gone.

"Willow?" I call, "Where did you go?" I see the book on the chair, still open to the bloodwood trees. I turn back asking, "Sappy, did you see where Willow and your brothers went?"

I swear I see his sad eyes for an instant, but Sap Wood isn't there anymore, either. His painting flutters to the floor.

You are welcome with us, new friend.

I run back to the kitchen, shouting, "Mom! Dad! I can't find Sappy!" I push through the door.

I stumble into Dad's office. He and Mom stand there, staring at me. "We just don't understand why you want to leave your family, Heart," Mom says sadly. "Don't you realize how hard Sap Wood will take it?"

"Didn't you hear me, Mom?" I say quickly. "Sap Wood is missing! He was right next to me and he just vanished."

"Fine!" my dad shouts, slamming his hoof on the desk. I jump and turn towards him. "If you're going to abandon your family," he continues, "then I don't want to see your ungrateful hide again!"

I take a step back, mouth open in shock. "Dad, what's wrong with you? Mom, Sappy's in trouble!" I turn to her.

She's not there anymore. I look and Dad is gone, too. The room sits empty and dark.

I turn to leave, and I'm standing in the swamp. Flowers cover the water, floating on lily pads. The trees surround me on all sides. The blood-red sap flows fast and thin over the trunks. The voices sound clear and strong all around me.

Stay with us. Stay with your family.

I turn in a circle, looking at the trees. Faces form in the bark. Buzzcut, Plum, Clear Cut, Willow, the twins, Mom, Dad… Sap Wood.

You are welcome here. We are your family. This is home.

I fall to my knees, staring at Sappy's face in the tree. "Why?!" I yell at the surrounding trees. "Why them? Isn't my death enough?"

"Death?" asks a serene voice behind me. I turn around and find Tree Hugger there, sitting in her wheelchair. Points of light glow in a line from her head down the center of her body. "This isn't going to kill you, Heart Wood."

I feel soft dirt around my hooves. I look down, seeing bark forming over my hind legs, rapidly spreading up my body. There's no pain and I watch it grow up my barrel. As it reaches my neck fear overwhelms me. My head won't move. The bark covers my eyes and I open my mouth to scream…

"No!" I bolt upright in bed, panting and sweaty. Slowly my breathing comes under control again, and I hold my hoof against my forehead.

"Heart Wood! What's wrong?" I hear Nurse Sweetheart ask, breathing hard like she was running. Blue light shines over me. I look at the window where she watches me with wide eyes by the light of her horn.

I take a steadying breath. "It was another dream," I say. "I just need to catch my breath."

She gives a relieved sigh. "I was hoping you were over those dreams. Do you want to talk about it, sugarcube?"

I shake my head. "No. No, I really don't."

Sweetheart nods. "Well then, try to get some rest. Breakfast will be ready in a few hours. Is there anything you need before then?"

"Not before breakfast, no," I say, seeing the end of the nightmare behind my eyes. "I would like to ask a favor later in the day, though."

"Anything, Heart," she says.

"If she's willing and won't hurt herself doing it," I say, "I would really like for Tree Hugger to visit again."

She raises her brow, looking me over for a moment. "Alright, I'll ask her if she wants to come. No guarantees."

I smile. "None needed. Thank you."

Sweetheart smiles back. "You're welcome. Now try to rest." Her horn light goes out and she closes the privacy curtain. I'm left in the dark as she walks away.

It's after lunch and I lay in bed with my eyes closed and a foreleg draped over them to shut out the light. I keep my breathing shallow, as every time I take a deep breath I either cough or sneeze. I still smell the flowers at the bedside.

Come… stay with us… be our friend…

The voices seem so clear, like dozens of ponies whispering right behind me. Every quiet moment brings another plea.

Be our family… stay forever…

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!" I hiss through my teeth.

"Heart Wood?" Nurse Sweetheart's voice breaks through, full of concern. "Are you awake?"

I lower my foreleg, lifting my head and looking at the window. I get a pair of sneezes for my trouble, scorching the floor. "I'm awake. Just trying not to cough."

She nods, not quite getting back to her smile. "I know those bother you a lot. It's good if you can keep them to a minimum."

"I couldn't agree more," I say.

"Are you feeling up for a visitor? She wanted to see you as much as you wanted to see her."

I nod quickly. "Yes, please. I'm feeling well enough."

Sweetheart nods and steps away. A few minutes later she returns wheeling Tree Hugger up to the window. "Now I want you to take it easy. Both of you need rest. And you," she adds, turning to Tree Hugger, "need to stay out of Heart Wood's room. You're very lucky you didn't catch what she has."

Tree Hugger smiles at her. "It's all good. I'll stay here, Nurse."

"I'll call for you if anything happens to either of us," I promise. "I'd like to catch up with Tree Hugger in private, or as close as we can talking through the speaker."

She looks between us both and nods. "Anything at all, hit that button." At my nod she turns and walks away.

"Blessings," Tree Hugger says toward Nurse Sweetheart as she departs, then turns her attention to me again. "It's so good to see you again, Heart Wood. I'm feeling less negative energy from you."

I manage a smile. "Ah, thanks. It's good to see you, too. You seem a little less… spacey today."

Her expression remains gentle and serene. "Oh, thank you. I'm healing so they are giving me less medicine for the pain. I can focus a lot more than the other night."

"It's funny you mention the other night," I say, rubbing the back of my neck. "I wanted to ask you about some of the things you said then."

She nods. "I'm happy to talk more with you."

I sigh in relief. "Good. I kinda can't stop thinking about it. Some of it is showing up in my dreams. I guess the biggest question I have is what did you mean when you said this wouldn't kill me?"

"Oh, wow…" She looks up, pursing her lips. "Did I say that?"

"Yes, you did," I insist. "Just before the nurse pulled you out of the room. I said I was going to die from the swamp fever, and you said it wouldn't kill me."

She nods slowly. "I was, like, on a lot of medicine that night. I don't remember much of what happened."

I sink back against the pillow, closing my eyes. Coughing a little, I rub my forehead. "Then maybe it's just the confusion they told me about, and you didn't really say it."

"It's entirely possible I said it," Tree Hugger says, sounding reassuring. "I just don't remember doing it."

I frown and look back at her. "It doesn't matter, though. If you don't remember saying it then I'll never know why you said it."

"Oh, I can tell you why I would say it," she says brightly.

I stare at her for a minute with my mouth hanging open. "Then why didn't you say that?" I finally ask.

Her smile remains serene. "I, like, just did."

I take a deep breath to stop myself from saying something harsh. I get a coughing fit for my trouble. "Alright," I say when I can speak again. "Why would you say the swamp fever won't kill me?"

Tree Hugger leans forward in her wheelchair, resting a hoof on the glass. "For the same reason I told you that I jumped in front of your axe. The trees are alive."

"Of course they're alive," I say, my frustration seeping into my voice. "They're trees! All plants are alive."

She shakes her head. "Not alive like that. I mean they have a bright, living aura. Not like the aura of other plants."

I stare for a moment. "An aura?" I ask incredulously. "You risked your life for an aura?"

"Of course," she says easily. "I would do the same for any pony. Every living creature is perfect and beautiful, and they shouldn't be harmed."

"But they were just trees!" I shout, then glance in the direction where Nurse Sweetheart left. I lower my voice. "It's not the same as saving some animal or saving a pony."

Her smile remains infuriatingly calm. "That's what I was saying. The trees' auras were living pony auras. That's where the whinnying comes from when they are hurt."

My mind doesn't wrap around the idea. "That makes no sense. The pollen infects the pony, and they get sick for ten days, then they…" The other horseshoe drops. "They turn into the tree," I finish in a whisper.

Tree Hugger nods slowly. "That's how they continue to live."

My heart races, thoughts jumbling over each other. "No… they can't be alive. I… I just assumed… that it was like a seed. That I would die and the tree would… I don't know, sprout out of me. How can I live though that?"

"You'll live on longer than any pony," she says, her tone comforting. She cocks her head then adds, "Except maybe for Princess Celestia."

Join us. Stay with us. Stay forever.

I squeeze my eyes shut. "Why do I keep hearing voices, then?"

Tree Hugger sounds surprised when she answers, "Voices? Groovy." I open my eyes and she's peering at me with an unfocused gaze. "Your aura is still in turmoil, Heart Wood. I see something touching you from far away, something bright and so alive." She focuses on me again. "I think they are calling to you."

"Who?" I ask urgently. "Who is calling to me?"

Tree Hugger gives me her gentle, serene smile.

"The trees."