No More Hoof Measures

“Get up. We’re here.” Lyra shook Twilight awake. Twilight jolted up, panicking for only a moment before calming herself back down. She had forgotten about her new body for a second. It was her first time waking up in a human form, and it was very disorienting. Demannulation could be a distressing experience.

“I’m up.” She said.

“Tell me your name.”

“Again?” Twilight complained. Lyra had been drilling her on the same questions over and over again since yesterday.

“It’s gotta be muscle memory for you. What’s your name?”

“Tabitha Sparks.”

“Your address?”

“314 Lawrence Street, Brooklyn New York, Apartment #301.”

“Phone number?”

“718-287-6962”

“Social security number?”

“115-90-5516”

“Very good. You have an excellent memory Ms. Sparks.”

“Thank you.”

Lyra really was impressed by Twilight’s memorization skills. Typically, it took a client weeks to learn their own background story. Twilight was very quick to adapt. She’d made it through airport security no problem, which didn’t always happen with clients. She had great difficulty with using her human body, but she’d get the hang of it eventually. Really, the toughest part of her relocation had been faking her medical records. Not many clients came through with lung cancer. She needed regular visits to an oncologist, and for that she needed a diagnosis from a human doctor.

The portal was in Canterlot on its Equestrian side, and it came out in a small Iowa town of the same name on its terrestrial side. The Equestrian government had yet to discover the portal, but it wouldn’t make much of a difference for Lyra’s clients if they did. Ponies had gone into the human world to search for disappeared ponies before, and they had never even gotten close to succeeding. The human population was staggering. Finding a disappeared pony was impossible unless you already knew their name and address. It was an extremely effective system, and it had made Lyra a lot of money, in both dimensions.

“Most of your stuff is already in your apartment. There’s a lot of things you’ll need in this dimension that you didn’t pack. As for your money, I already took my cut out of it, and I put the rest in a bank account. You can buy things with the cards I gave you. Stand up, we’re about to leave the plane. Get ready to grab your suitcases. It might be difficult.”

Twilight ended up holding up the plane a little bit while trying to get her suitcases out of the overhead compartment, much to the annoyance of the humans behind her. It made her anxious, but Lyra had assured her that no matter what, they’d never assume that she was a pony from another dimension. They’d just assume she was incompetent, and not ponder the reason. Twilight wondered if a lot of different ponies she’d known in her life had been from another dimension. It would explain a lot.

Twilight did eventually manage to drag her suitcases off the plane (Lyra helped a lot), and walked into… an airport that looked almost exactly the same as the airport she had left from.

“I’ll be honest with you. I was expecting flight to be more glamorous.” She said.

“There’s glamor, and there’s efficiency. Come on, there’s a driver waiting for us. You got your wallet?”

“Yes.”

“You got your passport?”

“Yes.”

“You got your phone?”

“Yes.”

“Excellent. Good job.” Lyra gave her a ‘thumbs up’ gesture, but Twilight wouldn’t understand what that meant until a week later. “Next up, we’re gonna drop off your bags at your apartment, and I’ll give you a very brief tour. Then, we’re gonna go to a coffee shop and get something to eat, and finally, we’re gonna stop by your new workplace. After that, you’re on your own, but if you need anything, send me a text. I won’t be very punctual in my response, because I move between dimensions a lot, but I’ll get back to you when I can.”

Twilight could not believe what she was looking at. Lyra insisted repeatedly that this was a library, not a castle, and that in fact there were no castles in New York, but Twilight had a hard time believing her. She had seen libraries, and she had seen castles. This was a castle. It was made of marble (or something that looked like it), with a gigantic staircase at its entrance, and three ornate arches leading to three doors into the library. Above the arches were six detailed statues of humans. How humans built this architectural marvel without magic was beyond her understanding, but she figured there was an explanation in one of the books inside. Inside the building, she was told, there were two and a half million books. That was more books than existed in all of Equestria. It was more books than anypony could read in their entire lifetime, and it wasn’t even the entire library. There were 91 other buildings spread throughout the city which contained the remainder of the collection, which added up to an astonishing fifty-five million books.

Twilight couldn’t believe her eyes. Lyra wanted to wrap things up after introducing her to her boss, but Twilight couldn’t resist dragging her all around the library. It was gorgeous. It was filled with amazing art, beautiful rooms, and so, so many books. The entire history of this dimension was recorded in detail. It was incredible. Eventually, Lyra had to separate.

“As glad as I am to see you having fun, I need to be back in Canterlot. Text me if you need me for anything. Until then, is there anything else you want to ask me before I leave?”

“Yeah.” Said Twilight. “Where’s Trixie?”

“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.”

“Why not? She’s my lawyer. I might need her for things. I have business to attend to.”

“Your business is your business, but Trixie has disappeared. She cannot be reached by anypony, not even you. You can do what you want from this point forward. You can even walk back into Equestria and get yourself arrested. But Trixie isn’t your business anymore. She paid me good money to get away from anypony trying to find her, and that includes you. Sorry.”

Twilight would normally have argued with Lyra, but she couldn’t find the words. She’d had a hard time finding words recently.

“Okay.” She said. And that was the end of it. Lyra left her in the library, with everything she needed for her new life, and she never saw her again.

“I’ve wondered about this for so long.” Said Pinkie Pie. “What do gems taste like? Are they sweet?”

“Actually, yeah.” Said Spike. “when you put them in your mouth, or just lick them, they don’t taste like anything, because they’re very hard. They don’t dissolve against your tongue like sugar does, but once you crush them down they break into powder, and it tastes sweet. It’s a lot like sugar but it has a different… vibe?”

“That sounds fun.” Said Pinkie Pie. “It must be cool to be a dragon.”

Pinkie Pie was not very enthusiastic. She wasn’t very enthusiastic nowadays. It made her seem creepy to those who knew her very well. She didn’t act like herself. But really, nopony acted like herself anymore.

They were eating at Rarity’s house, which they now did every Sunday. It had been Pinkie Pie’s idea. She thought that the most important thing they could do during such a difficult time would be to stick together. The worst thing that could happen would be to lose yet another friend.

Pinkie Pie was so desperate to fill the silence at these dinners. Fluttershy felt terrible about how quiet she was, but she could never say anything, unless she was directly responding to a question. She wanted to talk more, she wanted to fill the silence, but she just couldn’t. It made the whole dinner feel uncomfortable for her every time, and she felt bad about that too. She wished she could enjoy the company of her friends. They were so important to her. She cared about them so much, but she felt like she couldn’t even do the bare minimum for them. She couldn’t even have fun with them.

Rarity talked when she could. She would go on long tangents, tell meandering stories, and never let a topic go unless she had absolutely no choice. She liked to distract herself, with old memories above all else. When she was alone, she could only distract herself with work. She had become very successful. She had produced a great many new looks, and made herself quite a bit of money.

Sweetie Belle wasn’t at the dinner. She sometimes was, but she usually wasn’t. Rarity enjoyed her company, but she was repelled by the morose atmosphere of the meetings. She spent most of her time with Scootaloo. They were probably going to earn their cutie marks soon. Pinkie Pie would certainly throw a party for that.

“Oh!” said Spike. “You know, I just remembered. I should have brought this up earlier. I was talking to Cheerilee the other day, when I was at the market. I was buying onions and garlic actually. I’ll tell you guys more about that. But, I was at the market, and Cheerilee was talking about uh… the library.” Rarity shot him a glance to try and get him to change the subject. Spike got the message but continued anyway. “No, no. Um… I mean… She says that Celestia is sending a new librarian from Canterlot. Her name is Moon Dancer. So, the library is gonna reopen relatively soon. I don’t know when it’s gonna happen.”

Fluttershy burst into tears.

“SPIKE!” Rarity went off on him. “LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Fluttershy repeated through tears. “I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay, it’s alright!” Pinkie Pie said, moving over to hug her. “It’s okay.”

“We don’t talk about Twilight!” Rarity said to Spike.

“It’s fine. It’s not his fault. I’m sorry.” Fluttershy said. She felt terrible that Spike was being blamed for her own inability to keep it together, but she was crying too hard to defend him.

“I didn’t say anything about Twilight!” Said Spike. “If anything I was talking about the opposite of Twilight! I was talking about the-the-the creation, of a world, where Twilight’s absence wasn’t so… uh, visible. The holes she left are being filled. There’s gonna be somepony working at the library again, somepony who’s actually a librarian.” Twilight had never been a librarian. She just lived at the library. Spike had performed all the actual librarian duties, as well as all of Twilight’s household tasks. After she disappeared and it came to light that she had been cooking meth, the police had essentially set up permanent residence at the library, and Spike had moved out. After the police had investigated everything, and all of Twilight’s possessions had been seized by Canterlot, the library had just closed. Spike didn’t own it after all. Twilight was the one who paid rent. Instead he moved in with Rarity.

“I can’t not cry, everypony. I’m sorry.” Fluttershy said. “I cry at home. I have to cry here, too. I just- I just miss them so much.”

“We all do, Fluttershy. We all do.” Said Rarity. “If Applejack were here, I’m sure she’d tell us to stay strong. She was a persistent pony. She was a great pony. She was our friend.”

“I think she’s dead.” Fluttershy said, still sobbing.

There was a tense silence. Everypony know she was right. It was impossible that Applejack was alive. She was as dead as a doornail. They wanted to cheer up Fluttershy, but they couldn’t lie to her. It’s not what Applejack would have done.

“Rainbow Dash is too.” Fluttershy wiped her nose with a napkin, inaudibly apologizing for the gesture. “I just wish I knew where they were buried. I’d like to-I’d like to visit their graves.”

Rainbow Dash had been the hardest one for Fluttershy. They had been friends since they were fillies. Fluttershy had watched the years go by, as Rainbow Dash started drinking, started doing drugs, started to detach from her friends, and eventually started only talking to…

“I hope Twilight is still alive.” She said.

“I don’t.” Said Spike.

“SPIKE!” Rarity admonished him again. But he didn’t care.

“I hope she’s dead.” There was not even a mote of hesitation in his voice. “I hope Applejack got her revenge, in life or in death. I hope she shot the bitch through the heart.” Fluttershy couldn’t bear to hear any of this. “She murdered Applejack. She murdered Rainbow Dash. She made millions of bits cooking meth. I knew about it, and I didn’t do anything.”

“Spike, be careful what you say.” Rarity wasn’t just worried about Fluttershy’s ears. There were some things they didn’t want the police to know about. Some things that were known, but were better left unsaid. Spike didn’t leave them unsaid.

“I COVERED FOR HER. I KNEW IT WAS HAPPENING THE ENTIRE TIME AND I DID NOTHING TO STOP HER. I DIDN’T TELL YOU GUYS. I DIDN’T TELL APPLEJACK. I WAS TOO SCARED TO DO ANYTHING, AND NOW APPLEJACK AND RAINBOW DASH ARE PROBABLY DISSOLVING IN A BATHTUB SOMEWHERE. I SHOULD HAVE SMOTHERED THAT BITCH IN HER SLEEP. I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER EVER AGAIN UNLESS SHES BURNING IN HELL!”

Spike raised his volume in a continuous crescendo until by the end of the speech he was outright screaming. His shaking hands were curled into fists.

“…I think she’s dead too.” Said Pinkie Pie.

“I wish I had your optimism, Pinkie.” Said Spike. “Because I don’t think she’s dead. The pink meth is still out there. I read it in the paper. She’s still making it. She’s out there somewhere, and wherever she is, I hope she’s suffering.”

The table was quiet.

“I didn’t know about the pink meth.” Said Pinkie Pie.

“I didn’t want to bring it up at the table. You know, since we don’t talk about Twilight.”

“Do you really think she’s cooking it?”

“Who else could it be?”

Rainbow Dash could see the peaks of mountains below her. It was cold so high in the sky, but Rainbow Dash felt warm so close to the sun. The exhiliration of flight made her heart pump fast. She felt like she was glowing. Long ago, she had dedicated her life to flight. Nothing else made her feel so alive. She could see all of Equestria zipping below her, so small at a distance, it couldn’t possibly harm her. From up where she was, the whole world wasn’t so hard to deal with. Life wasn’t hard. It was as easy as flapping her wings. She had total freedom. Nopony could possibly tell her what to do. They were all insects down there. She didn’t care where she was going, or where she came from. Anywhere she wanted to go, she could get there. The world was a playground. Nothing could hurt her while she was soaring high up in the sky.

Rainbow Dash woke up eight feet underground. They kept her in an oubliette. She had woken up on her own today, which was unusual. Usually they woke her up. Crusoe just shouted her name until she woke up. The others were more creative, whenever, for any reason, they had to do it. On multiple occasions she’d been woken up by clattering pots and pans. Once Magic Palm had poured cold water on her. In a way, she was lucky to wake up of her own accord and avoid these humiliations, but she was furious to have her dream interrupted. Her dreams were the only thing she had in her life. She had no chance of falling back asleep. It took her a very long time to fall asleep. Her internal clock told her it was roughly morning, even though she couldn’t see the sky. Rainbow Dash paced her oubliette and thought about killing Crusoe.

It didn’t take too long before Crusoe opened the trap door and let some light shine through from the florescent lights of the warehouse above.

“Oh good, you’re already up.” He said. “Sorry. I was a little late today. Personal stuff. I’ll send down the rope.” Every morning, Crusoe lowered a harness connected to a chain into the oubliette, and Rainbow Dash got in and was carried up to the warehouse above. She ate breakfast, and then she began the daily cook. She stayed in the harness until it was time to sleep, and she was lowered back down, and the trapdoor was closed again. Sometimes chemicals hadn’t been shipped in time, and she spent the day just walking around the lab. She was tied to a sort of scaffolding system in the ceiling, that allowed her to walk through the warehouse, but prevented her from leaving (or even touching two of the four walls of the building). Her wings were tied down with a chain, which caused her frequent discomfort. Her wings felt numb, unable to be spread, and the chain weighed her down constantly. Her right wing was still healing from the gunshot wound. Crusoe had put some gauze over it. She didn’t think she could fly even if her wings were free.

“It’s applesauce for breakfast today.” Said Crusoe, in the same polite, unbothered tone he always spoke with. “And over there there’s some sandwiches.” Crusoe pointed to a typically empty desk on which he’d placed a plate and three sandwiches. “I won’t be swinging by for lunch. We’re doing something. We need to- Well actually I’m not supposed to tell you. Sorry. But we’re not getting back until late tonight, so dinner’s gonna be late too. Anyway, same yield as usual, I’ll see you tonight. Bye!”

Crusoe talked to Rainbow Dash a lot, but she didn’t say much to him. She just ate her applesauce and thought about the fact that she wasn’t going to see him or any other one of Magic’s ponies for the whole day.

Cooking was second nature to Rainbow Dash. It was automatic. When she cooked, her mind always wandered. She imagined herself back home with her friends, she imagined herself flying through the air, she imagined California, and the life she almost lived. Today, she thought, not for the first time, about escape. It wasn’t such a tall order today. Magic’s gang was out today. If she got out of her chains she could escape. They wouldn’t know until night-time. Rainbow Dash felt herself filled with hope, for the first time in a long time.

Rainbow Dash gave up the cook entirely two hours in, to try and escape from her chain. Her first attempt consisted of tossing various acids at the chain with the hope of melting it, with limited success. Next, she tried to heat the chain on a hot plate, to weaken the metal enough that she could yank it off with force. That only resulted in her repeatedly injuring herself as she tried to break the chain by running full force out of her range.

Hours later, Rainbow Dash had begun trying to scale her own chain up onto the scaffolding, with the hopes of undoing the chain’s link to the ceiling. She had to use primarily her mouth to hold on to the chain as she shimmied up with all her body’s strength, gripping onto it with all four hooves and pulling herself up, bit by bit. Again and again, she fell down, sometimes a few feet, sometimes all the way back down, sometimes just a few centimeters, but she kept climbing. Her muscles burned. They weren’t used to physical exertion. But she kept climbing.

After an agonizingly long time, Rainbow Dash reached the top. She flung her front legs over the scaffolding, and pulled herself up on top of it. She was sitting right in front of the top of her chain. It was connected to a sort of hollow metal cube that could slide across the scaffolding, allowing her to move freely within the warehouse, but not leave it. There was no mechanism for unhooking it. The top link of the chain had been welded. The only way out would be to undo her harness, and she could only do that with the key that only Crusoe had. It was hopeless.

Rainbow Dash banged her head against the scaffolding repeatedly, causing reverberations all throughout the warehouse as the metal clanged repeatedly against her head, and then her hooves. She beat the scaffolding mercilessly, cursing it for imprisoning her. It had given her false hope, and now she could never complete the cook on time. She attacked the scaffolding again and again. Suddenly, it gave way. Two wire supports that connected the sort of metal pipe she was on to the ceiling snapped, and it began to creak, and then the pipe came off and crashed onto the ground, and Rainbow Dash with it. Rainbow Dash had the wind knocked out of her, but was otherwise uninjured. When she could breathe again, she slid her chain right off the pipe. She was still connected to the chain, but it wasn’t connected to anything. She was free.

Filled with adrenaline, she dashed out of the warehouse, seeing for the second time the compound that Magic Palm had brought her to. It had several buildings, of which her warehouse was only one, and the whole thing was surrounded by a chain-link fence. A pony needed a key to get in or out. Rainbow Dash ran full force at the fence, smashing her hooves into it. It gave way a little bit, but remained impassable. Rainbow Dash assailed it again and again, just as she had the scaffolding. Just a little more force, and she could get out of here.

She heard hoofsteps quickly coming up behind her. She stopped.

Apparently, ‘we’ did not mean everypony at the compound. A few ponies had stayed behind to keep a watch on things. A few ponies with guns.

“WELL?” Rainbow Dash challenged them. “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY! NOTHING ELSE IS GONNA WORK FOR YOU PSYCHOS! YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO KILL ME!” Rainbow Dash had lost her will to live. All she had left in her was anger. “DO IT! JUST FUCKING KILL ME NOW! BECAUSE I’M NOT GONNA KEEP COOKING ANYMORE! YOU CAN BEAT ME, TORTURE ME, STARVE ME, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! I’M NOT COOKING ANOTHER GOD DAMN SCRAP OF CRYSTAL FOR YOU BASTARDS! JUST PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER! KILL ME LIKE YOU SAID YOU WOULD!”

Ever since Pinkie Pie was a little filly, she enjoyed baking late at night. Sometimes she didn’t want to go to sleep. Sometimes she wanted to bake banana bread. This was one of those nights. She knew that if she tried to get into bed, she would just toss and turn and grumble incoherently to herself. Why bother? Banana bread is a lot of fun to make. There’s a lot of mashing. And when it was done, she’d eat a slice, save some for her friends (she had so many that it was rarely serious trouble to find somepony willing to take baked goods off her hooves), and then she could go to sleep, once the sweet sensation of sugar had reminded her why life was worth living, and why it was worthwhile to make other ponies happy.

Baking was very comforting to Pinkie Pie. It reminded her of an earlier time in her life, living with her family on a rock farm out in the middle of nowhere. Back in the day, when Pinkie couldn’t sleep, she’d knock on her sister Maud’s door, and she’d always be awake, and she’d always be willing to keep Pinkie company while she baked, and she’d always say, “only if I can have some”. She wouldn’t help bake, she wouldn’t talk (unless it was one of those nights where she did nothing but talk), she would just sit around and listen to whatever Pinkie Pie had to ramble about, and then of course, when the treat was finished, she’d help Pinkie Pie eat it. The kitchen became a liminal space on those nights. The pitch darkness outside the windows made it appear as if it were the only place in the universe, and in the long hours of the night, time seemed to stretch on forever. Pinkie and Maud felt like they had eternity to themselves, just the two of them, safe in the knowledge that the other one was there, and in the feeling that the sun would never rise to terminate their moment. Maud didn’t talk much because she didn’t have to. Pinkie Pie knew that “only if I can have some” was how Maud said, “I love you.”

That’s why Pinkie Pie liked baking.

There was a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it!” Pinkie Pie said, although there was nopony else in the building besides her to answer the door. Mr. and Mrs. Cake worked at Sugarcube Corner, but they didn’t live there. They had an apartment close by.

“Can I help you?” Pinkie Pie opened the door to a brown earth pony with a blonde mane. She had no earthly idea what this pony could possibly want, hours after closing time, but she suspected that he was in some sort of baking-related emergency.

“Hi. Pinkie Pie?” he said.

“Yup!” She replied. Pinkie Pie thought it was a bit odd he addressed her by name. Did she know him? She knew practically everypony in Ponyville. She strained her memory for a little bit before it came to her. “Your name’s Crusoe right? You used to work at the ice cream store before it closed down!”

“Yeah.” He said. “I’m sorry if it’s late. You know, you’re very pretty.”

Pinkie Pie was starting to feel very uncomfortable.

“Thanks.” She said.

“Rainbow Dash mentioned you two were very close.” He said. Pinkie Pie instantly dropped her guard.

“You knew Rainbow Dash?” She exclaimed. “Do you know what happened to her?” Pinkie Pie opened the door more than a crack now.

“Of course!” he said. “She actually came here with me.”

“REALLY?” Pinkie Pie said excitedly. “Where is she?”

“She’s right over there.” Crusoe pointed. It was dark outside, but Pinkie Pie could see the faint outline of a few ponies.

“RAINBOW DASH!” Pinkie Pie’s excitement overpowered her own logic. She didn’t even close the door behind her as she bounded out towards the figures. As she got closer, she saw Rainbow Dash in between two stallions. She had a gag in her mouth, and she was crying. She was trying to make a lot of noise, but the gag made it so quiet that Pinkie didn’t hear it until she got close. Pinkie Pie froze in fear.

“Just so you know,” Crusoe said, “this isn’t personal.” Pinkie Pie turned around sharply, only to come face to face with the barrel of a gun. Crusoe shot her through the head, splattering her brains across the grass.

Rainbow Dash flailed wildly, to the point where she was hurting herself. She couldn’t make much noise through the gag, and she couldn’t move much in her chains, but she cried out in desperation as loud as she could manage. She couldn’t stand of her own accord, so the two stallions had to hold her up. Crusoe looked into the interior of Sugarcube Corner, trying to see if there were any witnesses. Then, he turned off the lights and closed the door.

“Remember.” Said Crusoe. “If you try to escape again, there’s still Rarity and Fluttershy.”

Twilight Sparkle hated Iowa. She had read about so many fascinating places on Earth, seen pictures and videos of astonishing landscapes, impressive cities, breath-taking landmarks, and beautiful works of art, and yet this was the first time since arriving on Earth that she’d traveled somewhere, and it was right back to the endless brown plain of Iowa where she’d started from. She would have liked to go to Paris, or Singapore, or New Orleans, but it never worked out. Maybe she would go to one of those places to die.

Twilight Sparkle was in a hotel room with another demannulated pony. Demannulation, of course, meaning the process of losing one’s status as a pony, coming from the latin “mannulus”. His name was Ballad Brownstone (although everyone else knew him as David), and she had paid him over a million bits just to bring her some newspapers.

“I made sure to take anything that mentioned you.” He said.

“Four, five, six…” Twilight counted the various papers. A million bits for six newspapers. “Did you pick up anything by word of mouth?”

“No, nothing.” Said Ballad. “I’m a wanted criminal, I didn’t spark up any conversations. I kept my head down.” That made sense, and was probably for Twilight’s own benefit, since if he had gotten caught he might have squealed on her and her entire dimension.

There was an unbearably awkward silence as Twilight realized she should have paid for more than one hotel room.

“Uh, you can go now.” She said. “That’s everything. Thank you.”

“Oh.” He said. “My flight back to Dallas isn’t until tomorrow morning.”

“Ah.” Said Twilight. At least they had separate beds.

Spike screamed so loud a little fire came out.

“RARITY!” He cried out.

“Good morning.” Said Twilight.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE‽”

“Just making some breakfast.” Said Twilight. “I’m sorry if I woke you up but I was very hungry and it’s not like I can go to public restaurants. The police would catch me instantly.” She was cooking up an omelette on the stove, with mushrooms and tomatoes. It smelled great but Spike didn’t care.

“How did you get in?”

“I h-“

“WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE‽” Rarity screamed, clad in her morning bathrobe, with her sleep mask resting on top of her horn.

“Making breakfast.” Twilight repeated.

“How did you get in?”

“I have a key.” She lifted it up to show her. “You never changed the locks.” Spike swiped the key from her.

“Stop fucking with us.“ He said. “What do you want?”

“Yeah, okay, I get it. I didn’t come here for breakfast. I came here to talk.”

“I have nothing to talk to you about.” Said Rarity.

“Maybe so, but I thought I ought to give this to somepony while I’m still alive.” Twilight gestured to a torn piece of notebook paper on the kitchen counter.

Nopony moved.

“Oh, go on. I’m not gonna pick it up for you. I need my hooves to cook.”

“What is it?” Rarity still didn’t move to look at it.

Spike carefully picked it up.

“It’s a bunch of numbers.” He said.

“They’re coordinates.” Said Twilight, turning off the heat and plating her omelette. “I want you to give them to the police. That’s where they’ll find Applejack and Big Macintosh’s bodies.”

Spike wordlessly placed the paper back onto the counter.

“Thank you.” He said curtly. “You may go now.”

Twilight blew on her omelette.

“I guess I’ll take this with me.”

“I think you should.” Said Spike.

“Goodbye.” Said Twilight. She took her omelette (and the plate, but Rarity had plenty) with her.

“Twilight?” Rarity called out to Twilight before she was out the door.

“Yes?”

“Did you kill Applejack?”

“No. I didn’t.”

Rarity sighed deeply.

“Where’s Rainbow Dash?”

This time, Twilight hesitated.

“Check the newspaper tomorrow.” She said.

That was the last time they ever saw her.

Magic Palm, and every single one of his goons save one, were standing like a choir in front of the gated entrance to their compound. They couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Glitter Hawk Lips had actually returned, and she was actually lugging a metal safe behind her by a rope.

Chippy, a young stallion, and the most recent member of Magic’s gang of thugs, was helping her along. She was in terrible shape. She looked like a corpse. She was shaking and panting constantly, and not just because of the safe. She was a wet, pathetic, miserable creature, shivering like a chihuahua. Her mane had fallen out entirely, making her broken stub of a horn even more striking, and her tail had nearly done the same, becoming reduced to a few wispy strands, barely obscuring her unmentionables. She was a far cry from the Glitter they had met almost a year ago, but she was still recognizable, if only by her color and cutie mark.

“You look like shit.” Magic said.

“Good afternoon.” She said.

“You need some help with that safe?” Crusoe asked.

“No. No no no.” she said. Magic Palm gestured to Chippy to take it anyway. Twilight weakly protested as he untied it and lifted it over his shoulder, but there wasn’t much she could do.

“I need that, actually.” She said. Magic ignored her.

“Now.” Said Magic. “What do you want?”

“Can we go inside?” Twilight said in between pants. “It’s really hot out here.”

“Fine by me.” Magic hadn’t intended to have the meeting outside in the first place. The only reason they’d all gone out there was because everypony wanted to see if Chippy was a liar or not.

Crusoe opened the door to the main building of the compound to let everypony in, giving extra leeway to Chippy, who had to carry the safe. He placed it down on a pool table. There were three pool tables in the building. It was mostly one big common room, as well as a few meeting rooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a big garage. This was where Magic’s gang coordinated everything they did. It had a bar, a bunch of drugs, and of course plenty of seating area. Despite this, they didn’t give Twilight a place to sit down. Everypony else sat, but they let her stand.

Twilight spent a long time catching her breath. She coughed a lot. There were a few snickers in the crowd.

“I didn’t think you’d come back.” Said Magic. “Where the hell’ve you been?”

“I, uh, I can’t tell you that.”

“Why’d you come back?” Magic said, already getting impatient.

“I came back for Rainbow Dash.”

“She’s dead.” Magic Palm lied, blatantly.

“I know she’s not dead.” Said Twilight. “Read the paper lately? The pink meth, my pink meth is still being sold all over Equestria. It was a big story. Canterlot Laboratories tested several samples from different cities, and they all shared roughly the same purity, averaging 99.3%. Crusoe can’t cook meth that pure. He never even got close. Only two ponies can cook crystal meth like that, and one of them is me. You didn’t kill Rainbow Dash. She’s working for you.”

“You’re a little smarty-pants aren’t you?” Magic laughed. “But what the hell do you care? It’s not your business.”

“As long as I’m breathing, methamphetamine is my business. All of you owe your lives to me. Every bit you’ve ever made, you made it off my genius. That pink meth belongs to me, not you.”

“Did you just come here to whine at me?”

“No.” Said Twilight. “I came here to blackmail you.”

Magic Palm scowled instead of responding.

“Humor me for a minute.” Twilight cantered over to the safe resting on the pool table. “Try and break open this safe. Go ahead. Use your hooves, use your teeth, use your guns, throw it against the wall. Whatever.” Chippy actually started walking towards the safe, but Magic stopped him.

“No.” He said.

“I understand. I’ll just tell you then. You’re not gonna break open that safe. It’s not possible. Not without the passcode. Not even a bomb could do the trick, not that you’d want to set off a bomb in your rumpus room.”

“It’s not a rumpus room.”

“Excuse me. Does anypony have the time? The more precise the better.”

“It’s 7:04.” Said Crusoe.

“Thanks. In that case we have 26 minutes.”

Magic Palm pulled a gun on Twilight, and the rest of the gang did the same.

“Now’s not a good time to lose your head.” Said Twilight. “If you’re thinking it’s a bomb, you’re probably considering relocating the safe. I urge you to reconsider. That safe isn’t gonna be any safer out there than it is in here. Allow me to explain.”

Twilight Sparkle took a seat, and nopony stopped her.

“Inside of this safe is a machine I engineered while I was away. I call it the auto-snitch. It contains a cellphone with global range connected to an answering machine on a timer. At 7:30 PM, the timer will go off, and the machine will dial 911 and play a pre-recorded message. It’s about seven minutes long, and it contains, along with an extended confession, the name of every single pony involved with your methamphetamine ring. Magic Palm, Crusoe Palm, Denim Blue, Gallows, Dirty Laundry, Heart-to-heart, Scoops, even French Fry, AKA ‘Chippy’. It also contains the coordinates to the ice cream store, to this very compound, and even the bodies of Applejack and Big Macintosh.” Of course, the police already knew that last one as of a few hours ago, but they didn’t know that.

“You want money?” Magic Palm’s voice was icy cold.

“I want you to kill Rainbow Dash.” Twilight said.

Magic Palm grabbed Twilight by the scruff of her neck with his rotten, yellow teeth, and dragged her outside.

“CRUSOE!” He yelled. “GO GET RAINBOW DASH OUTTA THE LAB! Tell her an old friend wants to see her.”

Twilight, under Magic’s close supervision, stumbled closer to the entrance to the lab. When Crusoe had finished undoing Rainbow Dash’s harness, he brought her outside, where she was met face to face with Twilight.

Rainbow Dash looked even worse for wear than Twilight. Her eyes were sunken, she looked malnourished, and she had imprinted marks on her from where her restraints tightened around her. She said nothing to Twilight.

“Remember your old flame?” Magic grinned as he mocked Rainbow Dash. “She’s back. To finish what she started. She wants you dead.”

Internally, Rainbow Dash felt nothing but relief. Finally, it was going to be over.

“I’ll admit it, Glitter. You’re a pretty smart pony. I would never have come up with something like this.”

“You’re too kind.”

“But I gotta say,” Magic Palm kicked Twilight in the head, sending her crashing into the dirt. “You can’t learn your fucking lesson.”

Magic Palm pushed his hoof down against Twilight’s throat.

“You’ve lost your mind if you think I’m gonna kill my meth cook for the code to that safe. She’s made of money. Let me explain this to you in words you can understand, Twilight Sparkle. You have no power. Not over me, not over anypony. You are not the boss of this business. I am. You’re a pathetic, cancer-riddled bitch with delusions of grandeur. So don’t tell me what to fucking do, or I’ll beat you until your lungs come out your asshole.”

Rainbow Dash shut her eyes tightly.

“Now.” Magic Palm lifted his hoof off Twilight’s neck. She sputtered and coughed and gasped for breath. “Tell me the code to the safe or I’ll fire my gun up your cunt.”

“5516.” Twilight wheezed.

“Good to know.” Then he shot her in the stomach. Twilight made a horrible noise as the bullet pierced her stomach lining and lodged itself in her intestines. She could feel her insides dripping out.

Magic Palm walked back to the main building, grinning from ear to ear. Cruose kept his gun aimed at Rainbow Dash, but kept an eye on Twilight as well, just in case. He checked the time. 7:11. They had plenty of time before the auto-snitch went off.

The glass on Crusoe’s watch shattered as the building exploded. The roof melted and skyrocketed into the air, pieces of melted metal and asphalt and chunks of brick falling all around the compound. Rainbow Dash fell to the ground and covered her head with her hooves. Bits of exploded bodies could be seen careening into the air with the debris. Where the building had formerly stood, there was now merely a pile of rubble and ash. An astute observer would notice the melted remains of the safe lodged into the metal gate at the edge of the compound. Twilight had lied about a bomb not being able to break the safe, obviously, just as she had lied about everything else. There had never been an auto-snitch. A convoluted plan like that could go wrong in too many ways. It was a safer bet to just blow ponies up.

Crusoe stared at the wreckage.

“Doctor Sparkle, was tha-“ Twilight shot him before he could finish his sentence. He screamed involuntarily as the bullet shredded through his lower-right calf. When he fell to the ground, Twilight shot him four more times. He died before the fifth shot left its round.

“I can’t believe they didn’t frisk me.” She managed.

When the gunshots were over, Rainbow Dash scrambled over to Crusoe’s body, removing a now blood-stained key, and unlocking the chains around her wings.

“Catch.” Twilight threw her the gun. She flinched and it hit the ground, but she picked it up immediately afterwards. She shook as she pointed it at Twilight.

“It’s still got one shot left.” Said Twilight. “Make it count.”

Rainbow Dash started to flap her wings slowly, bringing circulation back into them. It had been so long since she had moved them.

“I won’t be upset.” Said Twilight. “You want this. Pull the trigger.”

“If you want to die…” Rainbow Dash finally spoke, “then you can do it yourself.” She threw the gun in front of Twilight. She didn’t pick it up.

Rainbow Dash stretched her wings for a little while longer before taking a running start and taking off into the sky.

Twilight Sparkle crawled towards the western end of the compound, until she was sure her body would be visible to anypony looking from outside the gate. She bled to death as she watched the sun set.

Rainbow Dash closed up her nose by pushing her hooves against her nostrils. Then she tried to breathe in through her nose. It didn’t work. She wasn’t dreaming. She was awake, in the real world, and she was free. She was soaring through the sky, as fast as she ever had. Flying was like riding a bike. You never forget how to do it. Her wings were sore from disuse, but she didn’t give a fuck. She couldn’t give a fuck. She was flying again. She zoomed all across Equestria. If anypony saw her, it didn’t matter. By the time they did a double take and looked back in the sky, she’d already be out of sight. She flew over Ponyville, over Everfree Forest, she flew through Cloudsdale, through Las Pegasus. She flew over Canterlot and watched Celestia lower the sun. She flew until she reached the ocean and then she turned around and flew back in the opposite direction. Equestria looked more beautiful than it ever had. She would be crying, but every tear that formed in her eye shot out behind her like a lightning bolt. She could out-fly her own feelings. She could out-fly her own past. As she approached Ponyville once again, she felt a surge of joy, a kind of joy she didn’t know she was still capable of feeling. She gathered all of the strength in her body as she soared over Ponyville.

Expensive red wine was spilling all over Fluttershy’s garden. Rarity and Fluttershy both noticed, but neither stooped down to pick up the fallen bottle.

“Oh my Celestia.” Rarity exclaimed.

“Is that really…” Fluttershy started tearing up.

“It is.” Said Rarity. “It’s a sonic rainboom.”