**Baltimare, Equestria**
**003 Summer CC**
**Mi Amore Cadenza**

"Hey," I say, "It's not okay for you to be intruding on private family gatherings like that."

Princess Celestia huffs as I pass her a hoof-kerchief to wipe her mouth, "I know at least one of those pieces of cake got smushed to bits -ruined!- and that's not to mention the rest. It's all over the floor now."

I say, "Well, if it's all over the floor, then it's no good anyway."

"Pff. What do you mean?" She asks.

What? "W- well, you know, because of the Five-Second Rule."

She tilts her head, "Five-Second Rule? What's that?"

"Wh- what? It's when food falls on the floor," I try to explain, "if you pick it up within five seconds, then it is still okay to eat."

"I," the princess looks from me to somewhere off in the distance, "I never knew that."

"Besides," I add, "that family was having a private time together. They don't need any strange ponies intruding on their memories."

She clicks her tongue, "Ponies are more friendly than that, Cadence. If you're polite and ask nicely, then it's not that big of an issue."

"Look," I say, "If you're hungry, I can get you something or make you something. Okay? And didn't you need to meet the Mayor about some forensics report about something?"

She says, "Food tastes better when you're sharing it, my Niece. It's not just about the food," but her growling stomach betrays her. "Yes, I suppose we should get going."

How is her metabolism so high? She eats way more than most ponies ever eats. Then again, that could only be when I'm with her. Maybe what she said is right and 'food tastes better wen you share,' and she only eats lots when I'm around?

There must be some secret, though. I mean, look at those flanks. There isn't one drop of fat on her... But she eats so much sugar! It doesn't make any sense. Am I like that, too?

"Hm?" Celestia asks, "See something you like, young mare?"

"What!" I jump and sputter, "J- just admiring. N- nothing else.”

Coyly she responds, “Oh? Is that what you were doing? You’re a growing young pony. You know? It’s okay to be interested in other ponies.”

Ugh, “I can’t have this conversation right now.”

She says more to herself than to me, “That village really was isolated. Wasn’t it?” Then to me, “You should get out more and mingle -experience our wonderful culture. Make some friends. There is only so much you can learn from your tutors in the castle. What would you think about taking some classes? Public or private, as long as there are other ponies your age, it would be fine.”

I reply, “That’s not what I meant. You’re giving me a serious discussion, but I can’t take you seriously while you’re wearing that mustache and those glasses.”

This shocks her, “What! This mustache is totally coral.”

“… ‘Coral’?”

Celestia explains, “That’s one of the new buzzwords all of the fillies and colts are using these days. These disguises are 'coral,' my lovely niece. They got us in and out of the Naughty Club without any incident either. Totally coral.”

I respond, “Ugh. It’s totally un-coral if you say it like that.”

“Wha~?”

A passing group of fillies stops when the popular one at the front says, “I don’t know why, but ‘coral’ is out now.”

I just look at Celestia in her 'coral' disguise.

She calls out to the fillies from behind a lamp post, “Wh- what about ‘cake’?”

I roll my eyes, “What about ‘bacon’?”

She cocks her head and looks at me and whispers, “Bacon? Have you ever tried ‘bacon’? Where did you even learn that word?”

“Uh~”

The popular filly says, “That’s totally bakin’,” and they continue on their way.

Celestia sighs, “Oh~ bakin'... Well, I guess cakes do have to bake, so…”

"Hey," I ask, "should we be wearing these disguises right now?

She answers, "Oh, it's okay. My Guard detail was appraised of the situation and made arrangements." What those arrangements are, she doesn’t elaborate.

"Auntie," I have been having some questions brewing for a little while, "Why are you so silly sometimes?"

Celestia replies, "When you have lived as long as I have, you have to learn how to have fun. Maybe after the first hundred years, you’ll start to notice. Everything is just repetition and cycles. And everypony has a breaking point given that level of monotony."

She continues, "Although there is a great level of comfort in the predictable, eventually you start to notice it; and once you notice it, you will eventually have to find ways to stop noticing it. There is something disturbingly un-Harmonious about things which reflect absolute Order."

"You can try to sink into certain things," Auntie explains, "which will force your mind to forget, but that is only temporary. Food, drink, various other things: they are not long term solutions."

I ask, "What is?"

She answers, "Once you learn to find joy with all of those mundane things in life, you can find ways to make them new. Instead of letting the repetition dictate your flow, instead of fighting against it, you can work with it -to turn it into something homeostatic in order to make it harmonious."

What. "Homeostasis?" I ask, "Irregularities can be harmonious? Isn't that advocating for a form of... chaos?"

The Princess says, "Everypony's body requires it to survive. From one moment to the next, your body temperature is never exactly the same. Think of it like a spice; a spoonful of cinnamon," her horn lights up and a spoon full of cinnamon appears in her telekinetic grasp, "is absolutely horrid in your mouth, but a little sprinkle of it on your food can be wonderful."

For a moment she looks at the spice, her stomach growls again, and then she puts the whole spoonful of cinnamon in her mouth.

"Mm~! Mm~!" For a moment, she panics and starts bucking like a bronco at a rodeo and braying like a wild pony.

I use some magic to conjure a bottle of milk and hold it in my own telekinesis while I, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, tackles Princess Celestia to pour the alkaline substance into her mouth to quench the fire she created with the cinnamon.

After a moment, she calms down, gargles the milk, and then swallows her lactate mouthwash. She laments, "Oh~ that's going to exit spicy... just like too much ice cream..."

I help her get up and apologize for tackling her.

“No, thank you," she says, "I need that. Anyway," Celestia continues what she was talking about before, "so, if there were a situation of true, absolute Order, then nopony would survive it. If all matter was unchanging, then nopony could even breathe the air; for, the air would have to change position to be breathed and then the body would have to convert it to be useful."

I say, "Absolute Order almost sounds like an extreme variation of Chaos."

"All life," the Princess lectures, "in such a zone would be rendered absolutely inert which is another way to say, ‘everything would die,’- yet be unable to die at the same time for even death is a form of change that the purest Order cannot abide. The few I’ve encountered who utilize the opposite of that spectrum, Chaos, would themselves never cross that line of Absolute Order as it would utterly undo such beings -indeed all things.”

“So~" I try to understand what she's saying, "Harmony requires Chaos?”

She replies, “Hm~ I would use the words, ‘change,’ or, ‘fluctuations.’ The constant irregularities inherent in life form a balance which is Harmony. Chaos and Order are… the polar opposites to Harmony’s -I suppose I could call it- treatise of the two.”

I think I get it, “There’s nothing wrong with a little of either? It’s almost like you’re describing things like sound.”

“Goodness, no!" She says, "In fact, I strongly encourage it. But too much of any one thing can- sound? What do you mean?”

“Well," I explain, "even a clean and clear note is comprised of vibrations. Right? That back and forth creates what we then perceive as music which can be quite beautiful.”

She blinks, “… Huh. You surprise me sometimes, niece. You know? You remind me of an old friend when you talk like that.” As we reach a large building with a lot of steps in front of it, the Princess starts to turn up them.

I raise one of my eyebrows, “Oh? Who would that be, Auntie?”

Celestia smiles beneath her disguise, “His name was Starswhirl. Have I ever told you about him? He-”

As we walk up the steps, some pony being hotly pursued by some ponicemares rushes around the corner of the building and across the steps of the Mayors office, throws a cake at the Princess, and then runs away with multiple pursuers. One of her guards jumps from her hiding place in the shadows to intercept the pastry for the royal and takes it right in her chest. The cake explodes in frosting and dough all over the guard.

The guard passes out, and Princess Celestia holds the downed guard while other guards join the ponicemares in their chase after the sugar-crazed pony who looked suspiciously like Twilight Velvet. But I only got a glimpse of her before the cake made contact with the guard.

That whole chase was here and then gone before anypony could really register what happened.

As she holds the guard, a crowd begins to gather; and the Princess desperately says to the guard, "Don't you worry Shield, I promise: I'll save it. I'll save it." She addresses the nearby crowd, "Somepony, somepony! I need a spoon! Or a fork! It's still good! Five seconds haven't passed yet! Right, Cadence? Five seconds? The Rule?"

She tries licking it, but I place a hoof on her withers and say as I shake my head, "Princess, it's past the Rule. Five seconds are up. It's dirty now."

Holding the guard, Celestia cries into the sky, "N~yo~!!"

Author's Note

The term 'coral' as a word to refer to something being popular came from an episode of Spongebob.

I don't have my Equish notes on me right now, so you'll just have to trust me that bacon and bakin' are also similarly pronounced rhymes in Equish.

The origin for this cake joke came from MLP FiM S01 E21, “Over a Barrel,” which depicts a / the tribe of Buffalo and the residents of Appleloosa engaging in armed conflict. The ponies’ armament of choice are apple pies. Everybuffalo and everypony are fully aware of this and conduct themselves with the utmost sobriety. It is, of course, hilarious that all involved -even Pinkie Pie- took the situation with these ‘weapons’ as serious as a heart attack; but it is also remarkably revealing into the psyche of the Equestrian culture regarding regulated measures of force in defensive situations. They actually considered baked goods to be viable military grade munitions when they also constructed cheval-de-frise -Napoleonic anti-cavalry obstacles- for the initial contact line. I understand censorship and that non-magic wielding creatures were required to engage in combat somehow so that friendship and compromise could be introduced; but the more I think about that event in Appleloosa, the stranger that whole thing seems… Anyway, so, I got the idea for this cake joke straight from the show.

Next chapter, Chapter Sixteen, we will go back to Silly and Buttercup in Ponyville!