“So three of them chased you two, and mentioned something about using her to find gems. Do any of you girls know what we’re dealing with down there? Is it just those three or has a whole colony of mutts been living next to town for years?” I ask the group while we’re standing in a field of filled in burrows.

“There’s been a whole settlement of ‘em down there for as long as I can remember.” A couple of the other mares nod along as Applejack answers me.

“Any problems like this in the past? How often are these dogs just coming up top and snatching ponies?” These girls don’t realize it but their answers are basically deciding if this colony is going to be here by sunrise tomorrow. By that I mean I’m going to make them move.

“There was only one other documented case and that mare was returned the next day. She said their leader found out what happened and had her promptly returned with the ones who took her being punished by the colony.” Leave it to Twilight to just randomly know that. That’s actually pretty good though.

“That means I can probably just talk to their leader and tell them what’s happened.” I start emptying a burrow with telekinesis when I hear another set of hooves approach.

“If that’s the case why don’t we all go down there. Perhaps it’s time we set up an official channel for these creatures.” Oh it’s Nightmare.

“You’re up early. Couldn’t sleep?”

“The drake went to the library first trying to find your charge and woke me up. I debated going back to sleep, but decided to come join you.”

Is this a good idea? Sending the mare that was potentially traumatized after being taken into foreign lands and held captive, to go deal with diamond dogs that have taken a different mare into foreign lands and are holding her captive? People think I’m merciless, I’m pretty sure Moonie will vaporize the three dogs responsible on the spot. Well, I trust her. She knows her limits. “Alright, I guess we can all go down there. Worst case scenario I can throw down a Globe of Invulnerability for the girls and Spike while you and I clean house.”

The burrow seems mostly cleared out at this point so I turn to the others. “I’ll go down first, wait ten seconds then follow me. Moonie will go last and hold the rear.”

“Pfft! He said hold the rear!”

“Shut up Pinkie.” After being called a meanie pants by the menace I jumped down the burrow.

As I’m gliding down the steep decline I watch dirt start to rise up towards me. I’m just gonna take some telekinesis and…. push that into whatever tunnel is at the bottom of this burrow. After a few seconds I’m in a pretty open tunnel and see a couple of limbs and two spears poking out a mountain of dirt. Oh, I did that, didn't I? They were probably the ones filling in the burrow. Let me just pull them out…

“Sorry about that fellas but I need to be in here and you were trying to keep me out. Can you take me and my friends to your leader?”

It’s two identical looking dogs wearing helmets that I pull out of the dirt and after a few seconds of silence one of them finally replies. “Friends?”

“They’ll be here in a second.” On cue I hear a familiar menace yelling “Yippie~~” followed by a few other familiar voices. “Also I worded that like a question, but it wasn’t a question. I’m gonna need one of you to take us to your leader.”

The two dogs look at each other then back at me then they look at the dragon-eyed intimidating lunar alicorn. “Follow us.”

The girls are all talking to each other about dogs and mining or something, but I decide to probe our escorts a little. “So are you two like soldiers or guards or are you more like police?”

“Poe-Lease? We defend pack.” Guards, got it.

“And are either of you aware that three of your dogs took a pony from the surface against her will around an hour ago?”

“That not good.”

“How eloquently put. You are right, that is not good. That’s why we need to talk to your leader so we can get her back to her home.” The two seemed to pick up the pace after that, which is good because we were going pretty slow.

Eventually we reach a pretty large open area with some densely packed dirt tables and stools. In the middle of the room there’s a few dogs not wearing any armor or wielding any weapons and one of those dogs is exceptionally small. That small dog is also the one barking orders. Oh boy I gotta deal with a chihuahua?

“Foredog, ponies here for you.” Foredog? Like foreman? That’s just lazy.

“Yo. Three of your dogs took a pony. We’re here to get her back, hopefully peacefully.” The small dog just looks at me then hops down and walks right past me to Nightmare.

“You have my apologies Princess, I’ve always tried to make sure my miners don’t bother the nearby town. I’ll have my guards go look for your pony right away.” You know what? That’s fair. I think I actually respect him for addressing the alicorn in the room instead of me.

“I appreciate the apology, but I’d prefer if you talked with my knight. I placed him at the front for a reason.” I placed me at the front, but god damn I like what she just did. With that small lie she’s letting me lead the meeting while still asserting herself as the leader. Wording it like that means the small dog can’t really ignore it too.

“Of course Your Majesty.” The mutt turns back towards me and walks over. “Sir Knight, I’m in charge of this mine, and I assure you we’ll have your pony returned safe and unharmed.” Oh that’s new information.

“This isn’t a town or a colony? Hm.”

“Indeed, this is just an outpost. We’ve been mining in this area for decades and it’s always been very fruitful. Enough that I know we can’t afford to jeopardize the operational status of this outpost. That’s why I promise you this is being dealt with harshly.”

“Wow you’re quite the talker, compared to the other dogs we’ve talked to down here anyways. But, for now you have my trust, we’ll wait and give you a chance to correct your own people. Does one hour seem reasonable? After that we’d be taking control of the search.”

“One hour is more than enough. Can I get all of you something to drink?”

The girls reply with varying levels of enthusiasm, but I speak over them. “No, that's fine, we wouldn’t want to impose.” I have Detect Poison and Disease but does that work on drugs? Either way I’m not risking any of us just because we want to be polite.

After 20 or minutes of semi-awkward small talk we’re interrupted by the sound of several creatures approaching. Looking over I spot several guard dogs with three unarmored dogs and a slightly dirtied Rarity. Immediately the girls shout her name and they run to meet each other in a group hug. Nightmare and I just smile at each other and I turn towards the foreman of the mine.

“Now, how do we go about…” I slowly turn my cold gaze towards the three perpetrators and release my Divine Aura. “...punishment?”

I unsheathe my Moonblade and use telekinesis to force the three dogs to their knees with the back of their necks exposed. “Personally, I think an example has to be set. You can’t just come to the surface and take ponies from their homes.”

“Ignis, that's too far. They just made me use my gem finding spell for an hour or so and got dirt in my coat.” Rarity exclaims as she steps away from the group hug.

“That doesn’t change the fact they came to the surface and took a pony. Just because we found you quickly and nothing heinous has been done to you doesn’t mean that the crime is less severe. What if next time they take someone that pony comes back broken? What if they don’t come back at all? All of that is prevented if we set an example for what happens simply for taking a pony, because all of those outcomes require them to take a pony.”

Rarity seems exasperated and looks back towards the group who has mixed reactions to my argument. Applejack seems like she’s accepted that this is an uncomfortable truth and I’m right. Rainbow looks like she wants to be the one to kill the dogs which is surprising to me. Suddenly, Fluttershy pulls away from the group and trots over to me. “I know that you’re tired of the war and bloodshed, tell me is this how we’re supposed to live? Mercy is something we could all use more of. They don’t need to be executed, Ignis.”

“That’s downright diabolical to use those lyrics again outside of the heartsong. Fine, let’s take them back to Canterlot and I’ll have them go to trial and then the dungeons. Is that acceptable?”

“Actually Sir Knight, we’d prefer to have their punishments handled here. They’ll be sentenced to hard labor without pay, and be forced to live in miserable conditions.”

I just sigh. “It’s always fuckin something, man. Alright let me confer with the others.” I turn and walk towards the group. “Well, you all won’t let me execute them, so do we let the dogs handle their own criminals or do I bring ‘em to Canterlot.”

“Traditionally in situations like this we would let them handle their own punishment. The dogs are actually in this weird pseudo-independent state with Equestria. Their territory exists inside of Equestria, but they have a fair amount of autonomy. If we’re going on precedence then we should leave them to their fates here.” Wow Twilight really went all lawyer speak on me there.

Her friends seem to agree with her, so I look at Nightmare. “What do you think?”

“I think you should execute them. But, if that’s not an option then I’m not sure. I’m not caught up on modern politics or legal procedures, and I don’t even have authority, I’m not a Princess.”

“Two for execution and seven for leaving them here to be punished by their own kind.” Turning back towards the chihuahua. “We’ll leave it to you to carry out their punishment, foreman, er, foredog. Also I need to double check some things with Celestia and Luna, but later this week we’ll likely send a small squad of guards with an emissary to work out an official partnership with Ponyville.”

He thanks me and I turn back to the group and teleport all of us back to the surface. I hope I don’t regret this later. “Wow it’s already almost sunset?” How did the day go by so fast? “Twilight, do you need me for the rest of today? I’m meeting someone just after nightfall.”

She shakes her head no. “I can use the Detect Poison spell if I get paranoid, and I’m probably just going back to the library anyways.”

“Who are you meeting? I thought you’d go back to Canterlot after Nightfall.” Nightmare almost immediately butts in.

“It’s some mare named Trixie. I met her in town today and I thought the idea of stage magic in a world with real magic seemed silly, so she offered to show me tricks. I was still escorting Twilight though, so I pushed it back to nightfall. You wanna join me?” Her expression almost immediately softens when I ask if she wants to join in. I wonder if she thought I was going on a date or something? I guess it kinda does sound like a date….. Hm.

“No, that’s okay. I forget that in some areas you’re more naive than even a foal. Ignis, you got picked up by a mare. She introduced herself, made small talk, mentioned her work, and then invited you to her home. She’s just using her stage magic as an in to get you in her home.” Wait. No way right? Holy shit I fell for a pick up routine. I got Barney’d! “So, no, I won’t join you, and I trust you to not let her take things too far.”

“Yeah, that's my bad. Then again maybe you’re just overblowing it and she just wants a friend, or just wants to show off her craft?”

“Ignis, Trixie is trouble-” Twilight starts but I cut her off.

“Yeah yeah, Applejack gave me the rundown, you guys are blowing it out of proportion.” With that I blast off into the air and opt to fly into town instead of teleporting. Pretty quickly I spot a carriage on the edge of town and zip down towards it. After I land I give the door a couple of knocks.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie is not see patrons tonight, she has plans.”

“Pretty sure I am those plans, but I can dip if you want…”

Suddenly the door flies open. “Trixie apologizes! She didn’t think you’d show up early, or at all if she’s being honest…”

I can fix her. No… “Yeah some stuff happened and I ended up going off duty a bit earlier than I thought I would. Now what kinda magic you got? I’m ready to be amazed.”

Her horn lights up and a bunch of cards fly out of the carriage and land as a deck of cards on her hoof and I instantly know this is gonna be fun. I love card tricks so if I can figure out what she’s doing I win, and if I get to see something new, I still win.

She lifts the top card up and reveals it. “Ah the Celestia of clubs! Remember this card!” She places it back down on top of the deck then slides it away and places it in the middle of the deck. After that she shakes the entire deck and lifts the top card to reveal…..the same Celestia of clubs. She then fans out the entire deck to show there’s no duplicate cards.

When she looks at me I’m just leaning my cheek against fist with an amused smile on my face. “This is the part where you’re supposed to ask how I did it and get really excited.”

I just silently grab the deck from her, and with my hands I pinch the top two cards and lift them up. Making it seem like it’s just one card. Then I show it to her, put the two cards back down and slide the top card to the bottom and show her the card I just revealed didn’t actually move. “You just lifted two cards the first time. You’ll have to be more creative than that, I'm afraid.”

She squints at me with a challenging glare. “Trixie is surprised you can perform that so seamlessly without telekinesis… very well, prepare yourself!”

This time she floats the deck in between us. “This time I will allow you to draw the top card, so you can be assured that it’s just one card.” I slide the top card off the deck and look at it without showing it to her. “Now you can place it anywhere you want inside the deck.”

I slide it into the middle with renewed interest. Is she going to do the exact same trick but without a double lift? Sure enough she shakes the deck with a smug smile and then looks at me. “If you would do the honors.”

I slide the top card off and sure enough…. It’s the same card. I can think of a few ways she could’ve pulled this off but I feel like I would’ve noticed all of them. I’m apparently unable to keep the puzzled look off of my face because she immediately calls me out. “That! That is the reaction you’re supposed to have! Bahaha! The Great and Powerful Trixie amazes yet again!”

“Did you teleport the card back to the top? That’d require some amazing precision to not be noticeable, especially for a unicorn…”

“Nope! If you’re going to keep guessing then Trixie suggests we add a wager to the mix. If you’re unable to figure out the trick with four more guesses then you must listen to one request from Trixie. If you are able to figure it out then Trixie will follow your one request. Hm?”

Damn this really is just a scheme to pick up dudes, isn’t it? “I’ll hear out your request, but I reserve the right to say if I deem it unreasonable. Is that an acceptable modification?”

She hums in thought for a few seconds before giving me a single nod. “Did you stick the top two cards together so that I would pick up two without realizing it?”

She shakes her head. “Three more guesses~”

“Did you somehow move the card back to the top of the deck while you were shaking it?”

“That’s a good guess, but no. That would be a good distraction though.”

Shit, two more. “Did you place an illusion on the top card so that it would look like the second card?”

Her face shifts a bit, but I can’t tell why. “Now that is a really good guess. That is definitely one variation of the trick, but it’s not what I did just now. One guess left~”

“Did you use an illusion to make the new top card look like the one I placed in the center of the deck?”

“Another good one, but not quite! See both of those methods require some setup, Trixie would’ve needed to see which card you pulled or she would’ve had to know what the second card was. Trixie didn’t know what either of the cards were.”

“You didn’t fan the deck this time…”

“Trixie thinks you’ve figured it out, but you already ran out of guesses~”

“You used an illusion on both cards, to make them look like whatever card you wanted. That method wouldn’t require you to know what any of the cards are beforehand.”

She nods. “That is indeed the trick. Now, about that request… Trixie would like to explain with some tea, would you like to come in?”

I just rub the back of my head awkwardly. “Trixie, I’m in a herd, you know? Inviting me into your home for a “request” seems a bit suspect…”

“Heavens no! Trixie is not such a loose mare, we’ve only just met!”

I can’t help but let out a belly laugh at the offended response. “Of course, of course, my apologies. Sure I’ll take some tea.” I follow her into the carriage and take a seat at a tiny side table with two chairs.

After a few minutes she lounges on the bed across from the table and floats me a cup. “So, what’s this request? I’m actually curious what you think I’m capable of providing.”

“Trixie would like you to take her carriage and herself to Manehattan. Preferably tomorrow morning. She can’t take something like the train because her carriage has to come with her, but you could probably transport all of it. Trixie heard you stopped the entire city of Canterlot from freefalling, so surely a carriage and one mare shouldn’t be a problem?”

After taking a sip of tea I lean back and respond. “That’s actually pretty mundane. You sure that’s what you wanna use this for?”

“Well Trixie was going to ask for a date, but she reconsidered after your crude accusation. Truthfully this is much more helpful than you realize. Towing this wagon by herself slows down Trixies travels significantly. You’d be reducing a two to three week journey plus all of the supplies needed into something much shorter, I assume an hour at most?”

Well when she puts it that way I guess it does seem pretty helpful. But, it’s literally the smallest amount of effort for me. I can just go use the teleportation circle we’ve set up in the castle for fast responses to dragon attacks, memorize the location, then in the morning just teleport everything over. “Okay yeah, I can do that. You wanna leave tomorrow morning… how about we do it just after sunrise?”

“Trixie is fine with that.”

She just glances around awkwardly and I get the feeling with a date being off the table and her request being agreed to, she has no clue what to do from here. “Alright, easy enough then. I’ll see you after sunrise.”

I feel a bit of guilt when I see the flash of disappointment on her face, but choose to ignore it. Man, is this how women back home felt dealing with this shit? I think I’d rather be the one getting rejected. “Thank you, Ignis. Not just for this, but for standing up for Trix-... for me, earlier today. I didn’t think anypony in this town would give me the benefit of the doubt and I was dreading stopping here for the night, but it turned out better than I thought it would. So, thanks again.”

After that she stands up to walk me out. “No problem.” Once we’re outside I give a big stretch and then offer the mare a quick two finger salute. “I’m off to Canterlot for the night, see ya in the morning!”

As soon as I appeared in Canterlot I realized I made an oopsie and teleported back to the library. “Yo, Moonie I’m going to Canterlot now, you comin?”

“Was she hitting on you?”

I was hoping she forgot. I just hang my head in disappointment. “Yeah she was. She backed off when I mentioned being in a herd though. In the morning I’m helping her go to Manehattan since I lost a bet. Should be fast though, just teleport her and the wagon then teleport myself back.”

I see her giving me a smug look and she raises an eyebrow inquisitively.

“Yes, the favor was going to be a date. Can we go now?”

Author's Note

We haven't done any rolls in a while..... that's probably gonna keep happening tbh. Insight rolls are basically obsolete now, so are basically any combat related rolls aside from the Mizzium. His passive perception is 18, but technically DND Beyond can't caluclate the Divinity bonuses properly, his passive perception is actually 21....

I guess realistically I could've done some persuasion rolls in the Diamond Dog mine, but it wouldn't have changed anything.

Anyways, yeah I had to rewrite the diamond dog part of this chapter around 4 times. I think I'm happy with it now.... but maybe I'm just tired of rewriting it. Also felt nice to flex the RGRE again with Trixie. For reference by "Barney'd" I mean Barney from How I Met Your Mother, if you haven't seen it guy is just a huge playboy and has like 1,000,000 different strats in a playbook for picking up girls. The magic thing would've definitely been in that playbook.

Hopefully next chapter doesn't take almost two weeks to write..... but we'll see I guess....

Thanks for reading <3