“Is it just me..” The night guard has to pause because he’s panting from exertion. “..or is His Radiance being extra harsh tonight? I don’t think we’ve even come close to subduing him this time.”

“It has something to do with Nightmare Moon. She kept saying “I told you so” in a mocking sing song voice. He was doing that thing where his eyebrow twitches… I should’ve just gone to sick call when I noticed. Also don't call him that, he hates it.” The bleeding cleric responds before letting her body relax and laying flat in the dirt.

“Good work everyone. We’ll call it there for tonight. Don’t be too discouraged at your seemingly lack of progress, I uh, I kinda went a bit hard today.” He snaps his fingers and all of the guards are covered in a dim golden light that seems to rid all of them of their soreness, but still leaves them looking a bit worse for wear. “Sorry clerics, I can’t restore your spell slots, but this should be enough so you all are good for the rest of the night. I’m still trying to get a good grasp on this new form of magic, so gimmie a week and I can probably fully heal all of you when we’re done with these sessions.”

The guards are pleasantly surprised with this development, even if they’re all still a little bruised. Ignis walks over to Nightmare and sits down for a breather before they go visit Luna. “That’s a neat trick. When did you learn that?”

“When I was taking Twilight to Rarity’s. I wanted a cloud to stop raining on me so I used my Divinity with that intent and the cloud turned into cotton candy. So apparently the reason I can’t use runes with my Divinity is because of the Chaos domain I took from Discord. I’m kinda getting the hang of how vague I have to be for the magic to actually do something, but specific enough that the Chaos can’t do anything too wonky. Let’s go visit Luna before I lose track of time again. I don’t wanna walk around with bruised hips two days in a row.”

1st Person POV - Ignis

“What’s this now….day three of no sleep? Day four?” Luna asks as we come into the throne room. Apparently I finished beating the guards fast enough to catch the tail end of court tonight. I thought we weren’t doing court anymore though?

“Day four I think? Three nights of no sleep, this is the fourth night. I think my body is finally starting to realize it doesn’t need sleep anymore, I haven’t been as fatigued today. I have noticed one small issue though…. I can’t replenish my spell slots unless I either sleep or meditate. I don’t accumulate exhaustion anymore, but I can’t long rest if I’m just constantly active all day and night. Right now it’s fine, I’ve barely used any spell slots, but it’ll be a problem in the future I imagine. I have really been enjoying having so much more free time though. I highly recommend not sleeping to everyone.”

“Don’t listen to him, guards. You will surely die if you do not rest.” Luna quickly detects fun and shuts it down.

“Wow, never let me have any fun.” One of the guards chortles and all three of us turn to look at the unicorn. Wait, we have a unicorn in the night guard?

She very quickly realizes all of the eyes on her. “What? I’ve never heard either of you sound so casual and playful.”

“Detect Poison and Disease.” Nope not a changeling. “That’s weird, you’re not a changeling… are you new? Me and Luna have always been like this.”

“She’s part of our first batch of new actual recruits. Enlisted and went into training shortly after the Discord fiasco.” Luna answers for her.

“Huh. Neat. Wait, does that mean the public thinks both of us are serious, stick up the ass, no fun allowed types? Cause if so I am personally offended that they’re lumping me in with her.” Something hits my head. “Ow! See?! No fun allowed! Can’t even take a joke!”

“Shut it. Anyways, Ignis, you should come to Canterlot at some point in the morning. The joint temple is done and ready for a grand opening. They just need approval from everypony being depicted. I believe you’re the last one that still needs to review it.”

That gets a raised eyebrow from me. “What about Moonie? She’s been with me or with Twilight the whole time so I know she hasn’t reviewed it.”

“I’m not depicted in the temple, Ignis. It’s still too soon in my opinion and it’s unnecessary since Luna and I share the same source of Divinity.” Nightmare answers me with a calm and even tone, but I detect some very mild disappointment in her voice.

“Ah, well then I won’t approve of my depiction until you’re added. Then they can’t open the damn thing.”

“You don’t need to-”

“Moonie. Do you want to be included in the temple?”

That gets her. She can’t answer me as she just averts her gaze to the side and pushes her mouth to one side. “It’s yes or no, super easy.”

“....Yes.”

“That’s what I thought. They can pound sand if they got a problem with it.” Wait, am I the bitchy Karen standing up for my significant other at the restaurant cause they got the food wrong and my partner is too shy to bring up the issue?

Moonie is still looking at anything but me with her mouth pushed to one side, but there’s a hint of a smile in there now. “Thank you…”

“Woah she skipped the tsun and went straight to dere. That’s a rare sight….I won’t complain though.”

“Just don’t be too rude about it, Ignis.” Luna joins in. “Also can I get a status update on Twilight? Is she able to use her element yet?”

“She seems to be reintegrating fine. There’s been a few times where we’ve left her alone and she didn’t freak out. I have no clue if she’s having nightmares or not though cause I always leave when the sun goes down.”

“She’s had one since she returned, but she didn’t need my assistance to work through it. That’s a good sign. Perhaps you should have the bearers attempt to use the elements today?”

“Yeah sure I can-” Suddenly I shrink almost an entire foot and half down to five feet nine inches, and my voice drops an octave.

System Offline.

Both of the guards suddenly faint on the spot and fall over, and I look up in confusion when I hear their armor clatter on the floor. That’s when I see Luna and Moonie both looking at me like I just sprouted a second head. “What the fuck just happened to me? Wait this voice….”

“You’re Lucas.” Yeah that’s what I thought I sounded like. Luna confirms for me and then continues. “Where did all of your Divinity go?”

She sounds really spooked right now. “It’s gone?”

“Yes. That’s why the guards passed out. You have an alarming amount of mana that you aren’t suppressing…” Oh shit.

The next thing I know there’s a bright flash and Celestia appears with a cute little sleeping cap on. “Lulu do you feel that?! What’s happening?”

Luna just points a hoof at me as I try to suppress the mana. The system suppresses my Divinity for me, so I kinda fell out of practice with this. Also, this is a fuck ton more mana than I’m used to. When I focus on the mana I can tell the aura is insane, it’s easily a 100ft radius and it’s not like a fire around me anymore, it’s just a flat smooth wall forming a cylinder around me. It reaches the ceiling and seems to just stop.

“Why is there so much?!” I struggle for another minute until I finally seem to get a handle on it. “Is this how much mana I would’ve had if my human body was sent to Equestria instead of my elven one?! Why is this happening?”

“Poison Joke.” My eyes snap open as Celestia answers me. “You have blue spots on your left cheek running down your neck. You stepped in Poison Joke.”

“But I’m immune to polymorphing effects!”

“Nopony understands how that plant works, Ignis. It might not be a form of polymorph. In fact I think it’s safe to say that it isn’t. Your clothes are different, your Moonblade is gone, and so is that magical device you wear on your back. You’re in a plain shirt and blue pants.” I pat my hip and sure enough, it’s all gone. The Moonblade, the Mizzium, the bracers, and the staff of the magi. Even my spellbook is gone.

“Okay….so how do I fix it? I just need to go visit the zebra in the Everfree right?” Celestia gives me a nod and I look towards Luna and Nightmare. “Can one of you teleport me back? I can’t do it anymore, I never learned the runes for it.”

“It’s the middle of the night Ignis, I’ll send you back in the morning.” Luna gives me a very unsatisfactory answer.

“This is serious Luna. If the dragons attack again and I’m like…… like THIS it’s going to be bad. Not to mention…..” I can’t say it out loud, but it’s only a matter of time before the hallucinations come back.

“If the dragons attack then I’ll send you right away, but otherwise we aren’t going to wake up a mare in the middle of the night because you were reckless. I know for a fact young Fluttershy was with you in the Everfree and I have no doubt that she warned you about the plant.”

“I don’t remember to be honest. I think she tried but it was already too late, so she wanted to take me to visit the zebra and get treated before symptoms appeared. But, uh…. Yeah you’re right I told her if the plant actually does something to me I’d cross that bridge when I got to it. Can I at least get a sword or something?”

“You had a sword in your bedchambers. A rapier, if memory serves correctly.” Good shout Luna.

“Good memory, I’d forgotten about that to be honest. Anyways, yeah I’ll have Twilight and the girls try to use the elements today. Also we need to send an emissary with a few guards to a diamond dog mine outside of Ponyville. There was an incident where three of their dogs ponynapped Rarity, but we got her back pretty quickly. She was unharmed, and we think it’d be better if we worked out something official with them. Preferably some type of integration with the town. At a minimum we could give them a better means of trading and place a tariff on it.” I finish the sentence with a huge yawn.

“Looks like someone is sleepy~” Nightmare teases me.

“Yeah I’m a mortal again, and I mean super mortal. Humans only live like 80 years usually. Good thing I’m turning back tomorrow haha. I guess I should get some sleep then…. I’m gonna go grab my rapier from my room and then go crash on your bed Luna. Hopefully I don’t get stabbed by a guard because of how different I look.”

“Alright, love, I’ll join you both in a couple of hours.” That’s new. I like it.

I wave goodbye and start walking out when I notice Moonie has also turned and is following me. “You gonna come watch me sleep? I figured you’d go to the library or something like you used to.”

“I might, but I’d rather you not get stabbed by a guard. So, I’ll walk you to Luna’s chambers first.”

“Sounds good. Can you hit me with a dreamless sleep while you’re at it? I get the feeling I’m gonna need it.” A look of realization washes over her as she remembers what my dreams look like when I wasn’t in my little dreamscape I set up.

Entering my room I quickly spot the old +1 Rapier leaning against the wall, and float it over with telekinesis. I give it a few thrusts and spin it around in my hand a bit to get a feel for the weight, and then go next door to Luna’s room and lay down. “I’m not going to give you a dreamless sleep. I’m giving you an empty dream instead. If you’re in a dreamless sleep Luna and I can’t interact with you, but in an empty dream you can set it up however you want and we can come and go as we please.”

“Sounds good. I’m serious about the temple by the way. If you could figure out who’s in charge of that for me I can give ‘em a piece of my mind before I go back to Ponyville.” I suddenly realize another problem about this poison joke. “Ah shit, I can’t teleport Trixie to Manehattan now. I need to be in Ponyville right after sunrise so I can let her know we’re delaying it until I’m an elf again.”

“Yeah yeah I’ll make sure you aren’t late for your second date.”

I give her a very much not amused face, but before I can vocalize my annoyance she zaps my forehead and I’m out like a light.

Author's Note

Don't ask me why Poison Joke works on Ignis cause I don't have an answer. It's not some mystery leading into some reveal down the road, it's just lazy writing and a convenient plot device :P. If I have to give an answer I'm just gonna say Quantum Entanglement. Ignis and all his shit is conked out in a void somewhere or in an alternate Equestria where Lucas showed up instead of Ignis, and both of them stepped in Poison Joke and got swapped. Idk man, magic bitch, I ain't gotta explain shit

But yeah we got Lucas now. I'm using Lucas to play around with an idea I've been considering. But, if I commit to the idea I can't go back it's pretty permanent. This is very temporary though and lets me kinda fuck around with the same idea, so it should be fine. Also for those of you unaware, I started a new fic. It's another HiE with some similar elements, but it's definitely gonna be very different from this.

Also I started a ko-fi.... there's no benefits or perks or even a discord server. Literally just for anyone that feels generous/appreciative enough to toss a couple bucks over: https://ko-fi.com/desti (if I'm supposed to advertise this somewhere else like on my profile or something just show me the rule and I'll change it. I checked the rules and didn't see anything about it.)

Other than that, I'm still kinda really having problems writing right now. Starting the other fic and having something else to work on when I get writers block did help a bit for this chapter, but we might be on this once a week release schedule for a bit longer than I anticipated... sorry :/

Thanks for reading! <3