Fallout: Equestria - The Lunar Archives

Fallout Equestria: Lunar archives.
Chapter 15: Dead Zebra Storage. (part 1)
By Lakeel.

The pistol clicked as Lucy slotted in another spark battery. “I can’t believe we're going back for a poster of all things.”

“Well believe it.” I groaned looking up at the burning building down the street. “The bro code must be honored!” I pointed ahead posing heroically before looking back to see Moonstone and Lucy looking at me in half-lidded disappointment.

“This is a really dumb idea,” Moonstone grumbled following along. Clearly he didn’t value the sanctity of the bro code!

“Dumb yes,” Lucy assured walking right past me and taking my steam with her. “, but it is rather cute how honorable our little Sketchy is being about it. Don't you agree?”

“Yeah,” Moonstone added as they walked past me like I wasn’t even there. “Can’t believe the Bro code survived in a stable of all places.”

Lucy continued to vigorously wipe off the mouth grip of the mew-pistol as we walked. Her ‘comrades’ were too stoned to miss it anyway. “You'd be amazed what pre-war philosophies survived the passage of time, even if bastardized by two centuries of wasteland barbarism.”

“True, I mean just look at those Applejack’s Ranger types.” Moonstone shrugged before looking up at the burning tower. “Think they suspect we started it?”

Lucy thought for a moment. “How many did you kill?”

“Six!-..err.. Seven!” I answered running up between them. “But they started shooting first, so it was totally self-defense, So…. [10 INT] Yeah they know we set the place on fire…”

“We?” Moonstone questioned incredulously.

“Yes, we! I’m lumping all the dead hookers onto the reasons for them to kill us.” I clarified pulling out my flintlock and starting to crank up a charge.

“Sketchy, calling them hookers is rude,” Lucy chastised. “They were clearly well-paid and respected courtesans working at an establishment such as this. Or at least what this establishment was..”

“Okay, WE killed MOST of the ‘courtesans’, and ONE of them got away because you were busy turning into a little blood rager.” How dare Moonstone enunciate his valid points!

“Yeah.. well…” I quickly looked around for a comeback before looking at the unmanned hotel gates. “Hey look, the mercs are gone!”

“And it seems the patrons are fleeing too,” Lucy added watching fancily dressed ponies frantically load their belongings into the wagons outside the wall. “Could use the chaos to sneak in if you think anypony might try to stop us.”

“Hmmm..” I squinted at the scene before me, plotting, planning, and looking for any of those mercenaries, but I only saw hotel staff bucketing water out of the fountain.

“I counted two dozen Black-Barding mercs guarding the place, and Sketchy killed seven of them at least. And I don’t know many merc companies would be willing to stay around after losing both their paycheck and a quarter of their marepower.”

“So they’re gone?” that would be too easy…then again. I looked back up at the tower to note the pillar of crimson the upper floors had become. “Yeah, I think time to check out before the hotel does.” Goddesses that felt so cool to say, even the little princesses had sunglasses on and were doing poses.

“You’ve been sitting on that one-liner all evening haven't you?” Asked Lucy shooting my ego in the hoof once again.

“Yes…” I lamented. Why am I such an easy target universe?! WHY?!

With the mercs gone and the door-mares busy running water, we entered unopposed. The lobby was in chaos, with ponies running water up the stairs and frantic guests running down. If they weren’t swarming the reception desk for refunds they were booking it for the carriages. The poor Mr Hoovsey was being overwhelmed by the masses yelling and demanding their deposits back.

“Oh the folly of mare, This place could collapse at any moment, and they’re trying to get a refund.” I mused shaking my head in abject disappointment of the massed ponies. They didn't have long If the orange glow from the grand stairwell was any indicator.

“Call the kettle black much?” Lucy commented stopping next to me to watch the crowd of patrons making a run for it. “We're here for a refund too in case you forgot.”

“That’s totally different.” I squinted. “I actually know you guys. And it's my stuff locked in that desk so I’ll be damned if I don't get my refund. And what’s a kettle?!”

“Daww who’s a good little hypocrite~” She teased patting me with her wing. So soft…

I squinted harder “Your Med-X is in that desk too.”

Lucy doubletook between me and the desk before darting over the crowd. “Excuse me, out of the way, Lady coming through, checkout please!” Sadly the crowd proved too much for our hoity-toity pega, pushing her back as the masses clambered. She returned with a huff “Why I never! The nerve of these wasteland savages is inexcusable.” She quickly resumed patting my head with a wing. “Sketchy would you be a dear and do that thing you do? Pweeese?”

I swear patting me has become the universal solution to making me do things. Curse you praise kink! I sighed and walked ahead pulling out my flintlock. “Yeah just gimmie a sec.”

Rustov was indeed overloaded as his eyes and limbs spun trying to handle keys and customers as fast as he could, looping through the hotel's customer service policy and gently pushing the occasional patron back over the desk. “One moment everyone, Would you please form a neat and single file line? I will get to you in proper-”

PWOOOOM!!!

The streak of red energy shot up into the gilded ceiling drawing the attention of everpony in the lobby to the scrawny nerd with the gun that smoked inside and out. “My friend said EXCUSE ME!!” I growled walking ahead as the masses parted around me.

Lucy and Moonstone followed me up to the reception desk where I could reach a hoof up to the desk bell and give it a little DING!~ while a chandelier with a molten chain crashed to the floor behind us.

Rustov turned. “Ah yes, Welcome to the Hotel Coltifornia. I’m sorry if your wait was a tad long this evening, but business has really been heating up HoHo~. We get so busy when conventions come to town.” He gave a little nod of his top-hat. “Have you been enjoying your stay ma'am?”

I took a deep breath, composed, and brought out the calm and self-confident visage of a mare on the verge of murder. “Unfortunately no. Due to extraneous and external circumstances, we need to check out early. I do believe establishments such as this have a return or refund policy? Especially if one has only been checked in for-” I checked my pipbuck. “Three hours?”

“Oh my that is rather unfortunate. We here at the Hotel Coltifornia strive to achieve every amenity and comfort imaginable. I’m so sorry you weren't able to stay longer. While our Re-Re-Re-Return policy doesn’t apply in cases of emergency such as fire or invasion by multidimensional beings, it is in place for customer dissatisfaction and/or schedule changes. One moment please while I fetch your belongings.” The bot hummed casually as he spun around to the deposit boxes. “37b…37b… which of these keys was 37b…” Rustov mumbled fiddling with a key-ring of countless identical keys with his singular claw hands. The hotel would burn down by the time he was done!

Many in the crowd bolted while a few still griped in the background that we were getting special treatment. All eyes were on us and I knew the intimidation from the flintlock shot wouldn't last forever. Things could easily get worse…

“Is everypony having a lovely stay?!” Lo and behold, things got worse! Coming down the grand staircase in her now mildly burnt suit was Yellow-Safflower with a big fat golden revolver floating alongside her. That was a whole 12 inches of polished equestrian freedom inlaid (ironically) with golden safflowers from tip to cylinder. The mother-of-pearl grip currently wrapped in her yellow magic was a bit overkill though.

“Uh oh…” I looked down at my own big dick pistol then back to hers. I didn't have cool pearl handles… and hers was bigger than mine! “Heeeey Yellow Safflower, how uhh…how ya been?”

That unnerving retail smile slipped back onto her face in an instant. “Oh I’m doing just fine, thanks for asking,” she said pointing the gun at us as she made her way down the stairs. “But it appears some malcontents have set my establishment ablaze. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you?” she questioned with a head tilt and really laying on that customer service smile.

“What? Set the hotel on fire? We…hadn’t noticed.” I put on the winning smile, briefly glancing back to see Lucy had the Mew pistol in her mouth and Moonstone was ready to dive for cover. I tried to subtly lower my flintlock behind the reception desk to crank it out of view. She may have gotten the jump on us first, but that doesn't mean I can't get the jump on-

POOOOM!!! The golden hand cannon boomed nigh as loud as my own but without the electric zip of a magical laser. I froze, but feeling a distinct lack of gaping hole in my chest I looked left to see a chunk of the reception desk had been blown away. “What a shame, and here I heard one of my smaller, scrawnier, and very shootable-looking patrons was the one who started the fire. Silly me. Maybe they were the same pony that released all my merchandise from the basement too hmm?” her facetiousness seethed through her teeth as she cocked another round.

“You were keeping slaves!” Moonstone called out from behind me, axe at the ready. “Selling them off to be killed in the Actor's sick movies!”

Safflower growled still making her way down the staircase. “They couldn't afford the cost of staying here. Once they ran out of gear to pawn off what were we supposed to do? Let them stay for free?!”

“Yes!” Moonstone retorted in disgust. “They’re refugees! And they trusted you!”

Safflower shook her head and gave an irritated sigh. “When was the last time you saw a gold-plated charity hmm? Never! I run a business here, or should I say RAN a business because you jackasses set my hotel on FIRE!” She shot again, sending us diving for cover and bits of desk flying.

“What is it with you surface ponies and ridiculously large calibers?!” I yelled frantically cranking my flintlock. “We don’t give a shit about your hotel! We're checking out whether you like it or not!”

Safflower growled cocking the gun again. “This is the Hotel Coltifornia! You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave!” [Wild Wasteland!] A tiny princess Luna slid into view atop the desk wearing a little flannel shirt and holding a white double-guitar. The night goddess going to town on the strings. Tiny Celestia in a little red bandana did the same with a single red guitar and they started soloing in harmony. Why can I hear the end of the song solo?! How do I know this is from the end of a song?! Who are the Beagles?!

“Kill them!” She ordered firing her revolver in our general direction followed by several black-barded mercs running down the stairs. “Bring me their heads on a pike!” Good goddesses one of the mercenaries had a pike!

“Fuck your pike!” Flawless response me, I’m sure that will stop chunks of you from getting blown away! Returning fire on the other hoof… sending a thick red beam flying past her head certainly stopped her advance. Everypony went for cover but we were still outnumbered with multiple arcs of fire over our exit.

The situation was bad, to say the least. Lucy returned fire with her MEW pistol and Moonstone lacked the cover necessary to get into melee range. What's worse is that Rustov was taking his sweet time with the keys while the desk around him was getting shredded. “12a….12b… no no no. Mayhaps starting at the other end would be faster?” the bot mumbled to himself.

I looked down at my glowing, smoking Magic Flintlock. “Flintlock…I love you but you suck past the first volley.”

“Are you seriously talking to your gun right now?” asked a Moonstone rather upset at the bullets sending splinters flying over his head.

“N-no…” my flawless answer aside I quickly stuffed said flintlock back into my bag and searched for other options. I was out of Molotovs, and the mercenaries taking cover on the stairs were too far away for a shotgun to be effective. Oh wait… I had all those dead mercs' assault rifles! I booped my pipbuck inventory button and suddenly six blood-splattered rifles magically sprung from my bag. And the fun part about it was that pipbuck’s inventory management feature had loaded all the magazines for me. “Okay, I have no idea how to use these but I’m going to do the one thing I know I’m good at!”

“Skittering?” Lucy asked mid swapping out a spark battery.

“Prop comedy?” Moonstone added, wincing as another round passed overhead.

“No..” I grumbled racking the sides of all the guns. “Improv shock and awe! If I can't be accurate, why even aim, right?” I hovered all six guns above the deskline at once. “Eat horseapples slaver scum!”

A brief “Oh shit-” from one of the mercenaies as I pulled all six triggers. Cue a storm of bullets being fired in their general direction and at the same time a sudden searing pain in my horn. Sweet Celestia’s flaming tits I never knew my horn could hurt so much!! It was like hot iron being driven through the center of my forehead and the harder I fought the gun’s recoil the deeper it went.

Accuracy was not the goal, Pure saturation of firepower was the goal. Despite feeling like my horn was on fire I wasn’t controlling the recoil beyond general direction. I only caught a glimpse of Safflower ducking behind a gilded white couch and the entire grand staircase being peppered with holes before I slid down to the floor. I held my temples between my hooves rapidly learning why unicorns don't hover as many guns as physically possible. I could barely handle the weight of all six, much less the recoil straining against my, admittedly less-than-trained, telekinesis spell. I felt like I was holding my skull together to keep it from exploding. High-pitch ringing filled my ears while my horn sparked small arcs just like my flintlock. This didn't feel like the time I mowed down those raiders when we first got to Applewood. That felt like cold raw power and venting, this was just pain and lack of control.

The warmth of blood dribbled down from my nose as Lucy and Moonstone said... Something. It all rang into nothingness but I did something right enough for Moonstone to charge out from cover. Lucy grabbed me by the shoulder with her wings and shook me, her words blurred out. My head was swimming through magma and her shaking only sloshed the molten feeling around until I finally just.. Let go.

The searing agony receded and sound flowed back as the rifles clattered to the ground around me smoking. Like the guns, I fell to the floor clutching my horn and screaming obscenities as it continued to spark and my head throbbed. Why didn’t anyone tell me this would happen?! I kicked and flailed on the floor as the pain couldn't recede fast enough, but at least it was fading.

“What possibly made you think that was a good idea?!” were the first coherent words I heard from Lucy whilst in the background I heard the familiar sound of a battleaxe cleaving through pony bodies mixed with the occasional gunshot and metal ping. Finally able to look at Lucy I saw her digging through her satchel tossing out one syringe after another. “Are you trying to cripple yourself?!”

“I didn’t knohohoowww!!!” I cried still rolling and holding my horn, and feeling my hooves burn as well.

“Didn’t they teach you about magic overload in unicorn kindergarten or something?!” she yelled, scolding me like when I looked down the barrel of my flintlock.

“Nohohohhooo! Miss Appleboom was an earth Mahahahareee!” and I would pay nearly anything to have her first aiding me right now! That overwhelming sense of empathy and caring would be so nice right now.

“Rustov! Where Is my med-X!?” She yelled looking over the reception desk to the bot still fiddling with the keys.

The bot spun an eye towards her. “I’m so sorry good madam, I’m having a bit of trouble finding the key to your group's payment box. I guess I can use the master key, but I probably shouldn’t without management’s approval-”

“Use it!” Lucy barked glaring daggers at the bot.

“Right away ma’am… no need to be so hasty and all that.” A single claw extended to pull a lone key out from under the desk, spun, and slotted it into the drawer. “Here you go madame, all 10 doses of Med-X refunded as requested. Do have a pleasant evening.”

“Thanks Rustov…” I whimpered from the floor still holding my horn, finally able to get my hooves off of it. Another burst of gunfire ended with a scream and the crunch of a blade through bone.

‘You’re welcome madame~” He tipped his hat only to catch a bullet through it sending it flying. “Have either of you fine ladies seen my hat anywhere? I appear to have lost it.”

Lucy popped the cap off the med-X pen and wrapped it in her pinion feathers. The wing rose high ready to jab me with the med-x when the desk exploded with the boom of a heavy revolver. The world slowed and Lucy’s eyes went wide in disbelief as not only was her side peppered with splinters, but blood spewed out the opposite side from a new hole. I watched in horror as she crumpled to the floor with a muffled thud. The box of med-x tumped to the floor while countless more syringes spilled from her open saddlebags onto the marble floor. The gleaming white surface was overtaken by a growing puddle of crimson pooling around her. Yet in the same slow motion, Yellow-Safflower rounded the far corner of the desk glaring with her revolver in tow. Her magic pulled back on the hammer while she pivoted to point it at me.

Reflexively I went to stand and draw my flintlock, but the instant I tried to activate my telekinesis another ark of pain shot through my horn. The magic flickered out instantly releasing another arc of orange energy. I fell back to the ground to clutch my horn right as the boom of the revolver went off again. The massive round zipped past me making another crater in the marble floor. I literally dodged a bullet because I hurt myself like a foal trying to walk on a sprained ankle. Gotta think, gotta act, gotta think, gotta act, gotta- I reached for the nearest syringe and jabbed it into my side. If I got the Med-X into my system the painkillers should let me use my horn a bit longer to save Lucy and- The injection site went cold... That wasn’t Med-X. I felt that familiar cold rush from the injection site and over my body like a cooling mist through my veins. Said mist turning into a euphoric warmth as I saw Safflower standing there looking at the syringe with two little bottles strapped to its side. “Shit, you’re a rage junkie..”

Sweet sweet euphoria intertwined with its equal and opposite twin: A sudden and overwhelming urge to rip somepony’s head off! The first pulse of energy hit my heart and I pounced, ready to stab safflower with her own horn! “RRAAAAGHHHH!!”

“Oh no you don't!” Safflower did her best to swing the barrel of her revolver up towards me but it suffered some of the same problems that my flintlock did. High power, but terrible at keeping up with moving targets. Thus her shot went wide and I tackled right into her. We rolled across the floor and that golden cannon clattered alongside us. My chest thundered and my legs kicked into action faster than I could tell them to, clambering to my hooves just so I could keep bucking, stomping, and punching.

“Bucking Die!” I yelled rearing up to bring my hooves down on her just to catch her hind hooves to my gut knocking me onto my back. Stop going for the heavy hits me!

Safflower was the one getting up now, still full of bravado. “Bring it pipsqueak! Do you think I ran the biggest hotel in the West without being able to beat punk bitches like you?! I’ll use your bones as the foundation for the next one!”

Everything felt so good, So much bliss and hate telling me what to do it dulled my other senses. I may not be able to use magic right now but I didn’t need to right now did I? In my haze, I booped my pipbuck and had it eject my 3rd latest weapon from my inventory. In one swift motion, I grabbed the neck of the blood-soaked candelabra and swung low from the ground. “Leg sweep!” I called out catching her forelegs before she could process I announced my attack.

Now we were both on the ground trying to get up before the other. “You never should’ve come here! This is MY hotel!” Safflower proclaimed crawling forward so she could swing a forehoof across my muzzle. It knocked my glasses off-kilter, but the only thing I felt was a renewed urge to strangle her with her own blood. “You think you can just come in here and ruin my business!? After I kill you all those pegasi are going straight to the first buyer that asks.”

“You forgot one detail..!” I retorted words slurring as my speech sputtered blood onto her singed yellow coat. “You shot Lucy!!” I slammed forward without thinking, clashing horns with Safflower. I don’t know what it felt like for her, but for me, it felt like my horn exploded even with the drugs. Still, my unplanned goal of stunning her was accomplished! Freeing me to grip my candelabra between both my forehooves and swing for fences. Goddesses, blunt objects were so much easier to use than my own hooves!

Safflower got knocked off me just like Tulip-patch did during our cafeteria brawl, and just like then we both struggled to our hooves. But unlike Tulip, Safflower had a gun. “And I’ll shoot her again! And you! And everypony you’ve ever known!” Her horn glowed grabbing her gun again, swiftly swinging it up between us, intent on blowing me away.

“I’ll tear your head off!!” I roared swinging my candelabra again, but this time not at her. Gold sparked against gold as I struck the gun, misfiring on impact. The sudden boom made my ears ring but I didn't need them now that the gun was knocked away. [10 INT] “That's All Six!!” Everpony knew that 99% of all revolvers only have 6 shots….right?

To be fair, I hadn’t been keeping an eye on her so she might have reloaded sometime between the last 6 shots. But reality slowed once more as Safflower began backing up, floating her gun back and shaking out the casings. A second yellowish glow from her suit pocket as a speed loader came out filled with six obscenely long rounds with X-crossed tips. She was open!

Options:
1. Forgive her. *slap bullets away* “Ready to talk now?”
2. Steal Her gun! “Yoink!”
3. [Burning Down The House: Rank 3] Set her on fire! “Burn!!”
4. [Nerd Rage]+[High on Rage] *Brutalize* “I said I’d rip your head off and I meant it!”

The choice was obvious in my chem-fueled fury, I charged! I got in close and the last I saw of Safflower was her eyes going wide and her hoof raising to defend herself. I swung…and I swung some more…and then I kept swinging, screaming into oblivion.

Tink! Tank! Tunk! Crack! Tung! Bink! Crack! Squish! Tang! Splatter! Squish! Squelch!

All I saw was red so I kept swinging. Each impact came with a different sound, usually the metallic sound of the candelabra hitting something, but the more I hit, the wetter it got. A thunk here, followed by the crack of a leg bent the wrong way. A ping there, followed by gurgled screams. And after that, it was just squish, squish, squish!

The last sound has haunted me to the day I wrote this archive and probably will forever after. My first real memories of what ‘Rage’ REALLY does to a mare and those around her. Not the metallic sound of impact, but the raw visceral sounds of bones popping, flesh tearing, and sinew snapping. All layered over with the muffled screams of my physical exertion.

Then, nothing. Silence. The red that fogged my mind began to fade, I was coming down. There was a painful fluttering in my chest, but the ache of my limbs drew more attention. What I came down to was the bloody lifeless gaze of Safflower’s head between my forehooves. Half mashed and with nothing else attached…

“Eyuugh!” I freaked out, dropping the severed head to look at my hooves. I was up to my knees in blood, not to mention the rest of me. My limbs shook, whether from shock or exertion, I couldn't tell… What did I do to this mare? I knew what I did in a literal sense, but a better way of phrasing it was ‘How’ could I do this to a mare? I fell back onto my rear trying to process, to handle what had happened. My ears twitched, and looking around the fighting had stopped.

“What the buck…” one of the remaining mercenaries muttered peering down from the grand stairwell.

“Damn it. Payroll’s K.I.A. Everypony peel out, we’re out of reasons to stay.” Another ordered to his remaining troops.

“K.I.A!? She ripped her bucking head off!”

“That’s what I said, didn’t I? Now retreat private!”

Moonstone poked his head up from behind a turned-over table, witnessing the impromptu ceasefire. “Really!?...that’s it?! You wanna stop right here, after all that?!”

“Yep.” the remaining merc captain answered. “Any action taken after this point is a financial loss on our part. Every bullet and body is now a complete waste. So we’ll stop shooting if you do too so this doesn’t get too expensive. Capiche?”

“Ughh.. you Black-Bards and your damn finances! We were just in the middle of killing eachother and-” Moonstone took a deep breath and gave an exasperated sigh. “Fine! Just… get outta here!”

“Right then, truce” The captain nodded. “Say Hi to your parents on behalf of the black barding company. Hut!” He pointed to his remaining mercs and they ran back up the stairs, presumably to find another exit to use.

Moonstone groaned pulling his axe out of his latest kill. “Sure, I'll do that… Hey Lucy did you get our stuff yet?” He looked down from the stairs only to see me sitting at the edge of Safflower’s bloody mess. “Where’s Lucy?”

Lucy… Where’s Lucy… I looked back to the front of the desk where she lay unmoving “Shit!Fuck!Shit!” I scrambled, slipping and siding on the bloody marble floor, smearing the sanguine mess around like paint on a post-modernist painting. “Lucy! Lucy stay with me!” My hooves scattered around trying to grab whatever medications had spilled out of her bag. I couldn't tell what blood was hers and which was Safflower’s but I could at least figure out which syringe was med-x. The process of elimination was a hell of a thing. I bit the cap off tasting the iron of blood mixed with my own and struggled to jab it into Lucy’s flank with my slippery hooves.

“What happened?!” Moonstone yelled rounding the corner of the reception desk finally getting to see Lucy had been downed. The purple pega sprawled on her side in a slowly growing pool of mixed blood.

“Safflower shot her with that hand cannon! What do ya think?!” I flailed trying to grab more syringes after the first one unloaded with a little hiss. I couldn’t tell what many of these were beyond their shape, blood smeared over all the words.

“No shit Sketchy! But it’s a bit late for painkillers! Where are her potions?!” Moonstone joined me in the frantic search through the puddle of blood-covered medical supplies.

“I’m looking for them! I can’t see shit!” Panic sat in, The syringes were caked in blood, the bandages were reduced to dripping red ribbons of coagulation, and the only shapes I recognized were med-X and Rage! I dove into her saddle bag to see if the healing potion was still in there but it too was a jumbled mess. [Int10] I went for her pipbuck! Sure it was Enclave issue but it operated the same! Opening her hot bar Lucy had two of the potions left, which I promptly ejected.

The bottles promptly threw themselves harmlessly up and out of the bag with one. I caught one between my hooves while the other clattered to the floor. “Got ‘em!” nopony ever tells you what to do if the medic gets hit, much less Lucy! She was supposed to be the one plugging the holes in us! For the love of the Goddesses, she better still be alive! I opened the bottle and brought the potion to her mouth, trying to turn Lucy’s head so that she’d swallow, but it only pooled in her mouth and spilled out the sides. “She’s not swallowing!!”

“Then pour it in the wound damn it!” Moonstone ordered taking the other potion into his hooves. Uncorking it with his teeth, he poured it right into the weakly gushing hole in Lucy’s side.

It was a mess, everything was a mess, and all I could do is watch the pink fluid pour into the wound. For once getting to watch the effects take root as the wound slowly started to stitch itself back together. “The other side! We gotta get the exit wound!”

Rolling her over, said exit wound was FAR worse than the side it entered from. A hunk of mangled gore and a little bit of bone removed from her side about the size of my hoof. “Shiiiiiiit.”

“Don’t gawk at it! Pour the other potion in!” Moonstone barked getting low to hold Lucy’s head between his forehooves and tapping her face. “Stay with us, Lucy! I’m not letting you die over some stupid ass posters! Stay with us!”

What remained of the potion I tried getting her to drink went right into the gaping exit wound, clear pink mixing and swirling with the welling red. “Cmooon…cmooon!” I pleaded, trying to mentally will the 200-year-old potion to work faster. I couldn't see the full effect but at least the bleeding slowed down. “We need her awake so she can actually drink the things!” I looked around the pools of red and drugs for a solution, any solution. “Aha!” I grabbed the nearest Rage syringe between my hooves. “This should wake her up!”

“Are you kidding me?! That’ll just make her bleed out faster!” Moonstone protested, balking at the idea of using an upper right now.

I threw my hooves up in the air. “Well, do you want her to bleed out slowly or gamble on her being able to drink down another potion for the short period she wakes up?!”

“We don’t even have a third potion!” He added.

“A moment ma’am.” Rostov butted in, swiveling his three eyes and limbs towards us.

“Not now tin-can!” Moonstone interrupted, starting to dig around through his own bags.

Rostov feigned a mechanical cough. “No need to be rude now, But your refunded items are ready,” he said sitting a small bin on the counter. “And-”

“Not important!”

“-aaaand this fine lady here appears to be in a bit of medical distress. Would you like the first aid kit?”

Salvation!! “Why didn’t you say you had one sooner?! Yes, we’ll take it!.”

“My apologies, I am simply programmed to resolve visitor issues in the order that they occur. Some guff about client fairness and all that.” The bot lamented as he pulled a metal box with three pink butterflies on it out from under the desk. “I’d change the strings myself If my programming didn’t have these darn anti-zebra tampering codes. But that's the striped menace for you Ey?”

I yoinked the medical kit from the desk. “Thanks, Rustov! Best desk stallion I know!”

“Why thank you, ma’am~”

I flung open the medical kit to browse my options. A healing potion, some enchanted bandages, a pair of med–x shots, and a pair of rusted-out scissors. The scissors were fubar so I'll just have to use ALL the bandage. “Hold her up! The safest bet is to stop the bleeding before we wake her up to drink.”

Moonstone huffed, and use that mighty frame of his to prop the download pony up high enough for me to get my hooves under. With Lucy’s midsection wrapped, or should I say mildly mummified, in enchanted bandage the bleeding slowed to a faintly growing stain on her right side. “You keep her focused, she needs to drink this as fast as possible!” With a nod, I signaled to Moonstone and jabbed Lucy with the Rage.

It took a second but she woke kicking and coughing up blood, her eyes wide in fury, panic, and pain. I pushed the potion to her muzzle while Moonstone held her still as best he could yelling. “Drink Lucy drink!”

It slushed and spilled in her struggles but she retained her senses enough to swallow, albeit in an effort to bite through the bottle. A success nonetheless! We kept this up until the potion was gone and roughly a minute passed before she calmed down and slipped back into the sweet release of Luna’s sleep. She was breathing… sweet Celestia she was breathing!

“Thank…fuuuuck!” I groaned flopping to the floor as all the tension released at once. I felt so tense and no matter how I tried to stretch it never went away. “We did it!” I cheered weakly putting a hoof up in the air before letting it drop with another little splat.

“Don't celebrate now, we're still in a burning building.” Moonstone, ever the whip master, chastised as he did his best to get some straps and a forehoof wrapped around Lucy so he could drag her out of here.

I sat up with a groan, feeling worse by the second, and looked down to see the blood angel I had made on the polished marble floor. “This would be super gross if I wasn't so spent right now…” I commented to myself stepping around the angel and making my way for the door with moonstone.

“Ma’am!” Rustov called out. “Don’t forget your refund. You wouldn’t want to leave without it would you?”

“Fuck the posters!” Moonstone called from the door as he dragged Lucy’s limp frame out.

I looked back to Moonstone, then to Rustov, then back-. “Ohh…” I whined, but upon looking at Rustov one last time I quickly pranced right up to the desk and did my best to slide the tray into my saddlebag so I didn't get any blood on Button-mash’s priceless pin-up. “Thanks, Rustov! See you later!” Was I going to see him later? Deep down I kinda hoped so. But for now, I quickly ran after Moonstone only to pause when I passed the decapitated body of Safflower. Limp, unmoving, staring at me vacantly. It was at this point that I began to realize how dull my sense of the macabre had grown out here in the wasteland. I wasn't even nauseous looking at her right now, just angry… and tired… and dare I say it… a little inspired.

I came up beside Moonstone putting what strength I had left into helping carry Lucy along. Behind us the Hotel Coltifornia burred like a pillar of fire, the upper floors starting to crumble away falling to Equis. The bell fell with a dull clang and the distant words of Rustov the Second echoed through the roar of the inferno. “Come back any time. The Hotel Coltifornia is always open!” as open as it will ever be… with Safflower’s head mounted on a pike by the front gates and her gun in my bag.