Hoax-Ed!

Chapter III – The grand scam-off

        The afternoon turned into evening as the sun set, further depleting the Eds’ time to execute their scams. They didn’t even have the whole rest of the day left, as the ticket booth closed in late evening. It wouldn’t be that bad though, if not for the fact that, through the whole day, they didn’t make anything that would have the slightest chance to attract customers! Nevertheless of their failed efforts, they decided to take a go at it with all they had left. The streets of Ponyville were still filled with citizens finishing their daily business when the Eds came back into town. They entered the town square each from a different side, carrying their “scams” with them.        Ed was pushing a huge platform with his wonky junk-house on it. Everypony stepped aside as he pushed it through the streets. Inside were still the remains of the cannon, and on the front there was a big sign saying “Pay me for nothing!”. Various materials such as boxes or loose planks were falling off from the sides of the house and onto the street as he pressed forward, creating further danger to other ponies. Luckily for Ed, the Mayor was paged away that evening in an important matter, for she would throw him and his dangerous building out of the town square if she was there – because nopony else dared to do so. Ed didn’t seem worried about the scam at all – after all, Rainbow Dash told him that this would work! Or at least that’s what he understood.        His immense strength helped him a lot with the transport – less than could be said for Edd. The former mad genius started transporting his scam to the town square a lot earlier than Ed and Eddy, but all he managed to drag there was a vending machine and a few loudspeakers. Transportation was an unfamiliar thing to him – it was Ed who usually took care of it. He could’ve, of course, built a forklift or something, but he hadn’t thought of it until it was too late; and even if he had, the “other” Edd would successfully cease all his plans. And so he had to cope with the transport using only a small cart. Other ponies could’ve helped him, if they weren’t too scared, remembering his previous maniacal outbursts. When the other Eds arrived at the town square, he had just gotten there with another load, consisting of two toasters, from which one was part-chair.        Edd was very anxious and sorry about the whole thing, but at least he had something actual and physical to offer – Eddy didn’t even achieve that requirement. With the Eddy Palace destroyed and nopony to help him rebuild it, he didn’t have any chance to revive his scam. And so, as he decided, he went to the town square with his plans only, in hopes the solution would come over him on the way. He thought and thought, until his muzzle turned all red from the effort. Grumbling with exasperation throughout all the way, he arrived at the town square. He sat down on a bench, and unrolled the plan on the ground. The way everypony backed off as the sheet of paper extended further and further gave him an excellent idea – the plan of the Eddy Palace was almost life-scale! If he unrolled it on the ground, given everypony had a very active imagination, he could at least PRETEND that he has got a palace there… Interesting…-Hah! – shouted Eddy, seeing Edd and Ed on the other sides of the square – ‘Sup, lamebrains? Is that really what your scams look like without me? I don’t even want to know what THAT is, Ed! And didn’t somepony ever tell you that randomness doesn’t sell, sockhead?-T-Typical of you, Eddy! – replied Edd, grunting with exertion as he pulled his cart – I, f-for one, at least have r-reasonable items to offer! One can not m-make business selling conceptions d-dressed up as reality. Even Ed here c-came as far as to have a-actual items included in his enterprise; though Celestia knows what is he willing to achieve with them…-Baloney without gravy! – yelled Ed in response – Your scams are all weak and puny. Little Eddy is still playing in his fake paper world and Double D can’t even bring his silly doohickeys here! I am much better than you, as somepony will pay me for nothing. I’ve got it proved and sure as two plus two is nine and a half!-Well, good luck waiting for that “somepony” of yours, ‘cause I’ve got all I need here. In my awesome Eddy Palace! – Eddy shouted furiously-Have fun playing in your imaginary palace, as my humble expectations shall be fully quenched by my own technical appliance sale. – Edd said insecurely-That is, if it’ll be here by next sometime; and I don’t even have to do anything! – Ed exclaimed happily        They were so consumed with their bickering, that they didn’t even notice Twilight Sparkle enter the town square. When she took a look at the Eds’ failed scams, she smiled broadly and said:-Just as I suspected…-Wait for me! – exclaimed Spike who was behind her running to the square with a bucket of popcorn – Are we late for the Ed show?-Nah, it’s just begun. – replied Twilight and sat on a bench – For now we’ll sit here and watch; I’m curious to find out what have they done with their solo scams. When the time is right, I’ll go there and convince them to come back together.-Not that I’m eager to miss any of their antics, but couldn’t you just do it now? – said Spike-Not quite, Spike; when they fail ultimately, they’ll admit to their mistakes much easier. And besides, I think that right now they’re too frustrated to listen to anypony… – she replied looking at Eddy chew on his tail in nervousness-Oh shoore, pahdon mah ignohans’… - mumbled Spike gobbling up his popcorn        And so the final scam showdown had started – with no holds barred, all bets are off. The first customer to arrive was Golden Harvest. She was just passing by and stopped for a while to take a look at the curious sheet of paper at the ground, not even aware of what it was, but Eddy instantly screamed:-A-HAAA!!! See that, losers? The first customer is MINE! ALL MINE!!! In your face!        He carried on shouting – but little did he know that Golden Harvest was already far away, scared away by his maniacal reaction.-I fail to see the reason of your irrelevant outburst. – noticed Edd, who just got back with another small load-That’s ‘cause you fail at everything! – Eddy shouted in reply – Better buy yourself some glasses, as my highly valued and future frequent sucker; I mean customer is right…        His jaw dropped as he looked at the empty space he was pointing at, previously occupied by Golden Harvest.-Well, then… - he said, still amazed by the disappearance phenomenon he witnessed – The only explanation is that my scam is of such quality, that that mare simply imploded out of pure awesomeness. No doubt!-Certainly, no doubt… - replied Edd ironically – But the chance of said occurrence to come into place is slighter than that of your scam succeeding. In other words, negative infinity!        Before Eddy could insult him in reply, Edd galloped away with his cart to get another load.-Thwentah pointsh foh Doubbal Deeh! – exclaimed Spike, still stuffing himself with popcorn – Want some? – he asked Twilight-No thanks. – she replied-Drat, now my good deed is ruined… - he said to himself        Seeing Noteworthy pass by, he tried again:-Want some? – he asked showing him the bucket of popcorn-Sure, why not? – replied the stallion and reached into the bucket – Wait a minute, there’s nothing there! – he said when his hoof touched the bottom-There isn’t? – Spike was surprised as well – Oh, yeah, right… - he chuckled nervously after looking into the bucket – I’ll go get a refill now, but I’ll call you when there’s more!-Yeah, right… – replied Noteworthy and walked away        Spike decided to go to Edd, in hopes he would have a popcorn machine among all his doohickeys; but when he ran across the square, what he saw at the stand wasn’t Double D. There were indeed some contraptions lying on the ground, but in front of them stood a sign saying “Back whenever, apologies for the inconvenience”.-Okay, I’ll wait… - Spike said to himself – But I sure hope “whenever” counts into this century…        Meanwhile, Ed was still just sitting there and waiting for his miraculous donor; however, nopony seemed to even walk past his stand. This didn’t make him lose faith at all – on the contrary, he waited more and more eagerly, imagining himself rolling in bits after Rainbow Dash’s “promise” comes into life. And so his anticipation came to an end, when he saw Cheerilee stand next to his crazy house. She just stopped by to have a closer look at the weird sign – and that was a fatal mistake. Seeing her, Ed shouted:-Here you are! Where have you been so long? Give me my money.        Cheerilee was about to run away, especially considering the creepy grin Ed gave her, but curiosity took the best of her.-What money? What are you talking about? – she asked-Rainbow Dash told me you would pay me for nothing. Now pay! – replied Ed – I’m not picky, three hundred bits will be enough. – he completed, still smiling broadly-Rainbow Dash? Well, I… - said Cheerilee, backing off slowly-Shush! Are you breaking your promise? – Ed wasn’t happy with her reaction – I said, give me money for nothing. Makes sense, doesn’t it?-Sure, it does, but I think I left my money at home; let me just fetch it, okay? – she replied and, before Ed could answer, trotted away-Left your what where? – asked Ed when she was already far away        At Edd’s stand, Spike was still waiting for the owner to return; and as he stood there, a queue began to form behind him. Everypony was quite curious about Edd’s sale, not because they liked the actual items, but because they were intrigued by the shopkeeper’s continuous absence. Seeing Edd get so many potential customers angered Eddy, whose “palace” was still ignored.-Hey, you! Yes, you, with the popcorn! – he shouted to Spike – What are you waiting for? Did somepony glue you to the ground?-Just ignore him, Spike – the dragon said to himself – Maybe he’ll go away…-And you all! – Eddy complained to the rest of the queue – Fess up, how much did Edd pay you to stand there?-Who? – replied Minuette, who was standing in the queue – We’re here because we’re curious about the sale.-The sale? – Eddy exclaimed in frustration – What’s so great about that sale, for crying out loud! I mean, what has HE got that I haven’t got?-You… Don’t have anything. – said Minuette        Eddy looked at her with a rabid glare; but he knew he had to change tactics – and fast! And so he scooted toward the queue with a sly expression.-And did any of you know… - he started slowly – Why, before you, nopony was standing here?-Uh… Bad advertising? – asked Minuette-Wrong! – replied Eddy – Hear me well, all, ‘cause what I’m gonna reveal, isn’t meant for pony ears. Nopony knows this, but Double D is actually an alien. From outer space! – he exclaimed, even though everypony was looking at him incredulously – Don’t believe me, huh? And what, do you think, is… This? – he said, picking up the toaster chair-Don’t answer, and he’ll quit. – Spike muttered through gritted teeth, but Minuette didn’t hear him-Err… A toaster. No, a chair. It’s… Both? – she asked-Aha! That’s what you would think! – Eddy shouted in response – But this, oh this… As well as each and every other item here, no exception, is actually a top-secret alien device designed to destroy us all and bring an end to Ponyville! – he exclaimed dramatically-Yeah! I concourse! – shouted Ed, who decided to join Eddy against Edd for the moment – These evil doohickeys ate my buttered toast!-See? The tall colt is right! – yelled Eddy, even though he saw that nopony believed him at all – This here device was designed to send ultrayellow radiation into the space and summon meteors to fall! Scary, isn’t it?-Stop milking it, Eddy. – Spike said with exasperation – This is one of the worst schemes I’ve ever heard.-Schemes, you say? Like you’d know anything about it! – exclaimed Eddy – This dragon looks pretty suspicious to me, too. After all, he’s the one who dragged you all here; and now he’s denying Edd’s alienship! I bet he’s Edd’s assistant. Who’s to say he’s not an alien as well!        He’d blabber like this for long, if not for Edd’s return. He came back dragging a huge vending machine on his cart. Seeing Eddy and a long queue in front of his stand, he said:-May I ask what’s going on here?-It’s the alien! Run, everypony! – yelled Ed-What alien? Did I miss something? – Edd was very confused-Nothing, just Eddy trying to convince everypony that you are an alien from outer space bent on destroying Ponyville… - said Spike bored-Oh, did he… - Edd replied with annoyance-Watch out, everypony! He’ll try to trick you, so believe only me! – shouted Eddy-Well, I’ll say it’s much more scientifically probable if Eddy was an alien himself. In fact, I’ve got some proof for that! – said Edd, approaching Eddy-That’s true! – Ed changed sides – Eddy wants to hypnotize you all with his invisible palace combarishminiggans!-Uh… Well… I… - Eddy muttered and galloped away to his stand-Now then, since the impostor is gone, I can serve you all. – Edd said to the queue – And I must say, I’m flattered with how many of you showed up. – he completed, looking at Eddy with triumph-Finally! I’ve been waiting, like, forever! – Spike exclaimed cheerfully – I’d like to buy a popcorn machine, to get a refill here, you know. – he said, shoving the popcorn bucket to Edd’s muzzle-A popcorn machine? Well… - Edd answered nervously – I’m sure I’ve got one here…        As he shuffled through his wares, he got more and more anxious.-I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have one right here. – he finally said – But if you could just wait a minute, I could go home and check there…        Spike looked at him with increasing annoyance and said:-Do you realize that through that time I could’ve gone to the shop and bought myself a new bucket of popcorn? Like ten times!        The queue was getting more and more impatient as well.-I’m terribly sorry, sir, but I can even build one right here if you wish, if you only gave me time – Edd tried to explain-Spike! – shouted Twilight from the other side of the square – I brought new popcorn for you!-See? Sorry, but one doesn’t keep a dragon away from his rightfully deserved popcorn. I’m coming, Twilight! – Spike exclaimed and walked away-Oh, dear… - Edd was getting anxious-Ha! – shouted Eddy – ‘Sup, sockhead? Losing your clientele already? What a shame! – he laughed        As Eddy taunted Edd, the third of the Eds began thinking about his scam. Something just wasn’t right - according to his imaginings, he’d be up to his muzzle in bits now. However, nopony except Cheerilee even showed up.-I must be doing something wrong. – Ed said to himself – Maybe somepony was going to give me money for nothing but forgot about it… I’d better remind them.        Everypony in the square looked at Ed as he began shouting:-Everypony supposed to give me money for nothing please report at my stand!        Seeing nopony react to his call, he continued:-Any donations will be highly rewarded with nothing! First-class nothing! Uh… A truckload of nothing! Even a bucketful! – he added, seeing that his generous offer still didn’t encourage anypony        He began losing hope, as his advertising only discouraged the clientele instead of attracting it. However, one pony seemed intrigued about his offer. And the one pony who would pay to get a truckload of fine-grade nothing was Derpy Hooves.-Hi! – she said, approaching Ed – I’d like one nothing, hold the everything!-Okay, but are you real? – asked Ed, who still didn’t believe his luck-Is that a trick question…? – replied Derpy, getting worried-Never mind that! – exclaimed Ed, who didn’t want to lose a customer just because she wasn’t real – Real or fake or buttered toast in disguise, it doesn’t matter. Here’s your nothing, now pay me! – he said, handing Derpy over a hoofful of air – I knew we’d understand each other.-Pay…? – Derpy was quite surprised – But why?-D’oh! – Ed grunted with annoyance – Why is everypony so unfair? Rainbow Dash promised me you’d pay me, so pay!-Pay… - repeated Derpy – I think I left my money at home.-Oh, no you didn’t! – said Ed – I’m not falling for that trick again. This time, bring me the money, and then go home!-Okay, I can do that! – replied Derpy and walked away-What a honest pony… - Ed said to himself – But wait a minute… She went away with my nothing! She stole it! – he began shouting – Royal Guards! Police! Anypony! This mare took my nothing!        Unfortunately for him, neither police or the Royal Guard was in the square. And even if they were, chances that they would help him were less than slight. And so he continued:-Anypony, please! The one who brings me my nothing will get a reward; my nothing!-Mwahahahaha! – laughed Eddy – That’s rich! They stole your WHAT? Now you can’t even keep your nothing safe?-That was a robbery! – Ed replied angrily – Maybe I’ll take some of your nothing for compensation?-Nothing? This ain’t nothing! – shouted Eddy, trotting over his “palace” – This is service in its purest form.-Oh, service in its purest form? That’s brilliant! I wonder why it took you that long to figure it out. – noticed Edd, breaking away from his duties for a moment – Now try to figure out why it hasn’t been used ever before! And Ed, as far as I’m concerned, the law codex states that for the theft of one’s nothing, the culprit is sentenced to zero days in prison, exchangeable for a monetary fine of zero bits.-Like you would know anything about it! – replied Ed – I want my nothing back!        Edd only groaned in response and returned to serving his queue. That is, if one can call one single pony a queue – because that was everypony who was left from his fabulous collection of potential customers. All the other ones changed their mind and left after Edd introduced them to his wares. It turned out that nopony would find an actual use for any of his devices. Nopony wanted to buy a vending machine; nopony needed a lighting system; everypony already had their own toasters. All these machines would find great use as part of a bigger scam, but a retail sale wasn’t really quite effective. And so the only pony left in the queue was Minuette.-Now then… - sighed Edd – What do you please to purchase here?-I’d like to buy this here toaster, please. – replied Minuette-Okay, I understand, please go away now, I promise not to bother you anymore… Wait, what? – exclaimed Edd, who had already lost all hope – Am I misheard or am I simply going insane again?-Neither, I just want to buy your toaster. – answered the customer-Somepony wants to buy my toaster… - Edd repeated and was about to faint, but Minuette said:-Wait a minute! First I buy it, then you faint, okay? Now then, how much do I pay?-Eight bits. – Edd replied cheerfully        Minuette paid the money and took the toaster, but as she tried to put it into her saddlebag, the whole inside of the toaster fell out right through its bottom.-This toaster is broken! – she said angrily-B-Broken? But how? T-This shouldn’t be! – babbled Edd, shuffling through the metal scraps        After a while of searching, he found a small card saying:“Dear EddwardThank you for letting me do the tweaking when you were tired from building the devices for your scam. I hope you like the little modifications I’ve given to then.EddwardP.S. Mwahahahaha!!!”-Oh no, no, no… - Edd mumbled anxiously, looking at the card and at Minuette, who was already getting annoyed-Now I’ll just take my money back and leave, okay? – she asked-No, no, no, no… - Edd continued, still in shock        Seeing that he won’t respond, Minuette just took her money and walked away.-Beaten by yourself? – Eddy was taking every turn to mock Edd – This is just getting better and better. That’s something I’d expect from Ed, really!- Nope, that’s what you would do. – replied Ed – I’m so good that even I couldn’t beat myself!-Bohreeng! – shouted Spike, once again with a mouthful of popcorn – Ah want shome moar actshun!-Don’t get excited, Spike; action is not what we’re here for. – said Twilight – And I really think you’re eating too much popcorn…-Baloneeh! – replied the dragon stuffing another fistful of popcorn into his mouth        That’s about when Rarity came. She was walking through one of the nearby streets when she saw Twilight and Spike sitting on the bench and decided to join them.-Hello, Twilight! What are you doing here so late, darling? – she said-Nothing you’d be interested in, really… - Twilight tried to explain, but Spike interrupted her:-Want some? – he said, showing Rarity his popcorn bucket-Why, certainly, I’d be delighted to… - replied Rarity - But… There’s nothing here!-Nothing? Really? How interesting… - Spike chuckled nervously and groaned to himself – Not again; this is embarrassing… Wait just a minute, I’ll go get a refill. – he said aloud-No, Spike! No more popcorn, please. – Twilight tried to stop him-That’s right, don’t go, Spike. – said Rarity – I’ll go and buy it for you! – she completed and started walking through the square toward the shop-Rarity! – shouted Twilight – Stop! Don’t go there!-Why shouldn’t I? – Rarity replied – It’s just a short walk away, and surely one bucket of popcorn won’t do our little Spike any bad…- Too late… – said Twilight as Rarity was already halfway through the square-Too late for what? See, I don’t really have time for that kind of charades. – replied Rarity-Don’t look around you now. Just don’t. – Twilight completed anxiously-What now? – said Rarity with annoyance and looked around – What is there my eyes cannot see… Oh my goodness…        Rarity looked left – and she saw Ed. Rarity looked forward – and she saw Edd. Rarity looked right – and she saw Eddy.-Eds… All I see is Eds… Eds everywhere… - she whispered-Hiii, Rarity… Want a toaster…? – said all the eerie voices inside her head        Rarity giggled nervously and fainted in the center of the square.-I warned you. – said Twilight with worry-So… That means no popcorn? – asked Spike        Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was flying over Ponyville on her way home, when she heard somepony call her name from below. Though reluctantly and slowly, she stopped and flew down.-This better be something important… - she said with exasperation on her way down        Much to her surprise, the pony calling her was Cheerilee; she was sure that was the last pony she’d expect to see there, but she had to listen to her nevertheless.-What is it, ma’am? – asked Rainbow Dash – But I’m warning you, don’t be long; I’m kind of in a hurry.-There you are, Rainbow Dash. – said Cheerilee – I’ve got a problem, and I got a hint that you might be able to help me with it.-A problem? Yeah! Of course! A problem! – exclaimed Rainbow Dash excitedly – You should’ve told that sooner. Now, where is that giant, menacing, raging, armor-scaled, fire-breathing beast of a dragon?-I’m afraid it’s not quite that kind of a problem. – replied Cheerilee – See, I’ve met this weird young stallion, who kept on insisting that I owe him a lot of money. Furthermore, he stated that it was you who promised him that I would give him the money for nothing. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that… Would you? – she completed with annoyance-Weird young stallion? Money for nothing? Ed! – Rainbow Dash was getting anxious – Oh no… Please tell me it ain’t so! Please tell me it was a giantmenacingraging armorscaledfirebreathing beastofadragon! – she babbled-No it wasn’t… - answered Cheerilee – Wait a minute; you know his name! Was it you who lied to him about me then?-That idiot! – wailed Rainbow Dash – Sorry, Cheerilee, but I’ve got no time to chat; somepony has got to stop that maniac before he terrorizes the whole town! See ya! – she said and flew away        She knew what was going on; knew it even a little too well. Ed understood her words literally and started forcing everypony into giving him money; and, what’s worse, pinned the blame on her! Rainbow Dash flew as fast as she could along the streets; but before she got far, she crashed into Derpy Hooves, who was flying in the opposite direction - and they both fell to the ground. Derpy, as though she didn’t notice that at all, stood up instantly and started shouting:-Rainbow Dash! You’re here!-Rainbow Dash…? Really…? Where… – muttered Rainbow Dash, still stunned by the crash-I need your help! – Derpy continued blabbering – I met this stallion, and he had a strange house, and he wanted money, and look! I got this nothing! – she finished, shoving her hooves in front of Rainbow Dash’s muzzle        Even Derpy’s chaotic explanations were enough for Rainbow Dash.-That’s a pretty nice… nothing you’ve got there, Derpy, but I really need to go! – she shouted-But don’t you want some of this nothing? – said Derpy, blocking her way-I’ve got plenty at home, really! Now let me go! – exclaimed Rainbow Dash and jumped over Derpy and her nothing-Watch out! He’s kind of weird! – yelled Derpy, waving Rainbow Dash as she flew away        If Rainbow Dash knew only a hint of what Ed was capable of, she’d never even whisper one word to him. In her imagination she already saw the whole town square in total chaos, engulfed in flames and riddled with craters. Much to her surprise, when she saw the said place from across the street she flew into, it was in relatively good shape. And so, seeing Ed’s wonky trash house, she was about to go there and give him a piece of her mind; however that’s also when she noticed a group of five or six ponies walking out of the square. As they seemed all grumpy, anticipating the worst, Rainbow Dash decided to be extra cautious. At first she just walked slowly on the side of the street, but the instant moment she heard one of them mention her name in their conversation, she switched to evasive action by jumping into the nearby bushes.-Geez, six in one go? Ed’s good! And that kinda freaks me out… - she thought as the angry ponies walked past the bushes she was in        As Rainbow Dash was on her way to rescue the town from the Ed Menace, Twilight and Spike tried to bring Rarity round. They stood over her in the middle of the square; Twilight tried squirting her with water, while Spike just sat there and wailed. Despite their (Twilight’s) efforts, nothing seemed to work – the Ed-induced shock must have been too great. Cherry Berry, who was just passing by, asked Twilight:-Is everything all right there?-No, thank you, everything’s fine. – Twilight answered – She does those things. Same with him. – she completed, pointing at Spike-Oh, Rarity! – moaned the dragon – If she ever gets out of it, I swear I’ll give her all of my popcorn… well, maybe half; I need to eat too.-Calm down; no need to get so generous, Spike. – said Twilight – This is quite natural, well, at least for her. If she reacted so dramatically to one Ed at once, the Ed-ness compressed in this square must have knocked her off her hooves. But we’ll bring her round, don’t you worry.-Or one quarter… Huh? Excuse me, you were saying? – asked Spike-Never mind. – replied Twilight with exasperation        But let’s not forget the Eds. After they managed to fit all their crazy schemes, epic failures and/or other various stupid mistakes into such a short time, business was even slower for them. Edd, even more resigned, simply continued to transport his devices to the square. However, since the toaster sabotaged by his other self broke apart, he had to check every device he transported, making progress on his scam even slower. By then, about half of his wares turned out to be “modified”. Ed, despite his usual happy-go-lucky attitude also began to lose his cool along with losing his “customers”. Gossip spreads quick, so by then everypony was smarter than to get close to his stand. As for Eddy, somepony might’ve even come and take a look at his “palace”, given anypony actually noticed it. All of the potential customers just walked past it, convinced that it was an art performance or something. Eddy was never quite known for his calm nature, but this made him really furious. Outraged with everypony’s ignorance of his wonderful scam, he decided that it was time to act.-Hey, you! – he shouted at a random stallion passing by his palace – Yes, you! Listen when I’m talking to you! What, may I ask, do you see HERE? – he completed, pointing at the ground-I don’t see anything. – replied the stallion, Doctor Whooves, to be exact – Is this a survey or something?-You don’t see anything? Well, what would you say if I told you that you’re standing before a magnificent palace made of marble and solid gold, topped with high, pointy towers and… - Eddy started blabbering angrily-I’d say… - Doctor Whooves interrupted him – Are you feeling all right?-Feeling all right? Sure am! – said Eddy, smiling creepily – Hey, you there! – he screamed at Roseluck, who had just walked through a corner of his plan – You’re walking through a WALL!!!-A wall? So you’re a mime? – said Doctor Whooves        In reply, Eddy just roared with fury.-Begone, foul bumpkin! – he yelled in an insane inspiration – Ye of little imagination shall not deserve to approach the wonders of the Eddy Palace!        Seeing Doctor Whooves quickly trot away and everypony in the square look at him, Eddy calmed down a bit.-Uh… ‘Sup, everypony? – he said insecurely – Nopony wants to visit good ol’ Eddy?-There ain’t enough imagination in the world! – Ed shouted to him-It may be just me, but I believe this enactment of yours has just depleted the chances of anypony coming to your scam to less than zero. – said Edd-It may be. – Eddy admitted his defeat – Not that you two had anything to deplete in the first place!-Close, but no touché, Eddy. – answered Edd – You might have not noticed, but I did manage to sell one vending machine, just a moment ago.-Oh, have you? – said Eddy with annoyance – Was that the one you gave out for free?-Did not! – shouted Edd-Actually, he paid me five bits to take it. – said Apple Bloom, who was indeed struggling with a vending machine on the other side of the square-You keep out of it, passive purchaser! – Edd shouted in reply-See? You’re a failure, no doubts! – Eddy said with triumph-We’re two of a kind, then. – Edd replied bitterly        Ed was about to give Edd and Eddy a piece of his mind on how he’s successful in failing. However, that’s when he felt somepony tapping on his back. He turned around to see Rainbow Dash hiding in his junk house. She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, Ed exclaimed:-Hi, Rainbow Dash! What are you doing in my house? Are you here to give me money?-No, Ed! – she replied angrily – What I’m here for is…-I know! – Ed interrupted her – You’ve brought the pony who will give me money here, right?-Heck no! – Rainbow Dash was getting more and more annoyed – I’m trying to say that…-No, let me guess! – she was interrupted once again – You brought back my nothing?-Will you stop that! – exclaimed Rainbow Dash        Ed was about to start blabbering again, but this time she was prepared; she stuffed her hoof into his mouth and continued:-Please, answer me this simple question. Do you have the slightest idea of what you’re doing?-Nope. – Ed replied blissfully-I suspected so. – groaned Rainbow Dash – Now then, acknowledge that, through your lamebrain scamming, you have already annoyed, like, half of the town, and, accidentally or not, pinned all the blame on me; that’s also why I have to be hiding now. What do you have to say for yourself?-Nothing! – answered Ed, still with the same ignorant smile – Do I win?-What a bonehead! Nothing is getting to him! – thought Rainbow Dash – Let me just put it this way. – she said aloud – I never said that somepony would pay you for nothing. In fact, I said the opposite; nopony will give you money.-Nopony…? – Ed said with worry        Rainbow Dash thought she’d won seeing Ed’s disappointed expression, but soon she learned that it was too soon to celebrate, for Ed quickly regained his smirk and said:-That’s okay! I’ll just call him! Nopony…! – he started shouting-Wait, Ed, stop! –Rainbow Dash yelled in terror        Unfortunately, it was too late. The whole square stared at Ed as he continued shouting:-Mr. Nopony paged to Ed’s Pay-Me-For-Nothing stand, on behalf of Rainbow Dash’s request to donate money for Mr. Ed!        Ed seemed even more thick than usual, garnering everypony’s attention to Rainbow Dash. At first the poor Pegasus didn’t know where to run, but then she noticed Twilight in the middle of the square. She made a huge jump, flying out of Ed’s trash house and landing next to her.-Twilight! You’ve gotta help me! – Rainbow Dash shouted frantically-Rainbow Dash? What is Ed talking about… – said Twilight – Is it true that transacting bribes for him?-And who’s this Nopony he’s talking about? – asked Spike-Never mind that! – Rainbow Dash continued – Just hide me, quick!!!-I’m sorry, but as you see, I’ve got to tend to Rarity now. – replied Twilight pointing at the said mare, still out cold – But Spike can take you somewhere, right?-Yes, sir! I mean ma’am! – he exclaimed and ran away, pulling Rainbow Dash by her hoof-Where are we going, Spike? – she asked-Oh, I know where we’re going… - Spike replied slyly as he entered the grocery store