"So...who is this we're meeting again?" A crowd of doctors of various ages were gathered outside a large office that had been allocated to a certain...individual...whom nopony had ever seen before. The doctor who had spoken turned to her companions and waited, but all shrugged and stated they were all as confused as she. Then they all turned as the door burst open, and one of their colleagues, whom most of them knew, came running out in tears.

Some tried to stop her as she ran, but all they could get out of her as she kept fleeing was, "He's horrible!" Then she was down the corridor and gone.

Then they all jumped as they heard a gruff voice call out, "Next!" They all exchanged glances, then one male swallowed, squared his shoulders, and stepped forward. Placing his hoof on the door, he took a deep breath, then pushed his way in.

Once inside, he stopped for a moment in surprise. There, seated at a desk and struggling to open a pill bottle, was the last creature he expected to see: a donkey! He slowly sat down, and said, "You're...Doctor House?" The donkey finally got the bottle open, looked inside, grimaced, then shook one pill out. He carefully split it in half with a knife, popped one half in his mouth, then slid the other half off to the side. Then he looked up at the young male.

"A patient presents with drooping eyelids and double vision, and later on has slurred speech, with decreasing motor functions that improve with rest." The donkey stared at him. "What would be your initial diagnosis?"

The young doctor began to sweat. "Umm...lupus?"

"GET OUT!!"

All flags were already at half-mast throughout the Kingdom of Equestria, and over the entire City of Canterlot hung a cloud of dread, as each subject dealt with the news of Celestia's illness in his or her own way. Few things flew faster than rumor and gossip, but the strangest rumor, that nopony believed, was that a donkey, a complete stranger, was being trusted by none other than Princess Luna Herself to save Princess Celestia!

Such news did little to settle the mind of Twilight as she and her friends raced to Canterlot on the first available train, once word of her Mentor's illness reached her. She paced up and down the train car almost the entire ride, with several medical books suspended in the air in front of her as she frantically tried reading them all at once. "Twi, yer gonna give yerself a conniption if'n yew keep that up, gal," said Applejack.

The purple unicorn looked up at her, her eyes slightly wild. "I have to do something, Applejack!" She turned back to her books and continued pacing. "Maybe there's something in here the doctors might have missed..." she muttered.

"Sweetie," tried Rarity, "...do you honestly believe you're going to obtain a medical degree by the time we arrive in Canterlot? Please try to relax! I am quite certain Her Majesty is in good hooves!"

Twilight turned her head so fast the books dropped. "Good hooves? Good hooves?! He's a donkey!! I've never heard of a donkey being smart enough to be a doctor, and somehow this stranger is going to save the Princess' LIFE?!"

At this, Pinkie stared at her with a look of both shock and disappointment. "Twilight..." she quietly spoke, "I know you're upset and worried about the Princess, but you just said something very ugly, and I hope you didn't mean it."

Twilight recoiled from Pinkie's words as if struck, then she sat heavily down, closed her eyes, and began to weep. Big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she sobbed, "I didn't mean it." She heaved a great cry and said, "I...I can't lose her. I...just...can't..."

Pinkie was the first to come forward and enfold her in a hug, followed by the others.

The waiting candidates had dwindled down to just a few. Many had simply fled without being interviewed, while those that remained did so with resolute expressions on their faces. Among them was a big Earth pony, who sat far away from the others, tapping a hoof. He'd sat back, watched, and listened to all the talk about the new doctor, and he was eager to meet him.

But first, he'd let a few more of these others twist in the wind.

After about ten minutes, when two more were rejected, he made his move. Shoving his way past a mare who was trying to work up her nerve to go in, he gruffly said, "Excuse me," and pushed the door open, ignoring her gasp of indignation. The first thing he did when entering was lock eyes on the doctor, then sit down. The doc coolly returned his gaze, then smiled.

"Coffee."

The Earth pony blinked. "W...what?"

The doctor's smile grew wider. "Coffee. Cream, two sugars. Chop, chop."

The pony slowly got up and turned around. As he almost made it to the door, he stopped and looked back. "So...I'm hired?"

But the doctor had already looked down and was reading another file. "That depends on how good you are at following orders." He looked up. "And send in that mare you almost ran over getting in here."

The stallion blushed, then opened the door. All the others stared at him as he stood there for a moment in shock. Then he shook himself, looked down at the mare, and said, "He wants to see you next," then bolted down the hall to the cafeteria.

The Royal Hospital's Dean of Medicine was a mare quite used to stress. Even though she was relatively young for her position, her mane and tail had premature grey streaks in them, so the Presence of Their Majesties in her hospital for the first time in recorded history guaranteed she'd have quite a few more! Added to this situation were the now twenty or so doctors cramming into or trying to get into her office, all to complain about the new doctor's treatment of them!

She was truly stuck between a rock and hard place; she couldn't directly reprimand him, as he had The Night Princess' full support, yet she also couldn't simply overlook his insolent attitude towards her staff, some of whom had descended from generations of medicine, and whose families were huge financial supporters.

"He called me an idiot!" one mare sobbed. "He said I was better suited to be a plumber!" a stallion shouted. And on and on it went, one accusation after another, until the Dean raised her hooves and said, "Enough, everypony! We have a Royal crisis on our hooves, and this doctor is the only one the Princess trusts to save Her Sister! I promise I will speak to him, but until then, I need every one of you to do your jobs and remain calm!"

They all grumbled at this, but after a moment all turned and filed out, much to her vast relief. She leaned back in her chair and rubbed her temples for a few minutes, then sat forward and clicked the intercom for her secretary. "Daphne, get the new doctor's office number and tell him to come to my office, please?"

"Right away, Miss Kerry!"

After a very short time, her intercom buzzed again, and her secretary had an unusual tone to her voice. "Umm...Miss Kerry? I...did as you asked..."

She frowned. "And? What's the problem?"

Kerry could hear her swallow over the intercom. "He...said he hasn't got time to...to...waste talking to you! I'm sorry, ma'am...those were his words!"

A cold anger seized her, but she kept her voice level. "Don't worry about it, Daphne...I'll take care of it."

"Yes, ma'am!"

Kerry clicked the intercom off, sat back, and took a deep breath. Then another. Then again, until she felt her heart rate was sufficiently slowed, then calmly got to her hooves and started for the door.

Only to be stopped once again by a herd of ponies, all demanding her attention. Twilight was the first to speak. "Miss Kerry, I'm Twilight Sparkle, Her Majesty's protégé, and these are my friends! Please tell us her condition, and please, PLEASE tell me you have faith in this new doctor!"

Kerry smiled inwardly. This is perfect! ALL six of the Element Bearers here, possibly able to back me up while I put this jerk in his place! This couldn't have worked out better if I'd planned it! Outwardly, she nodded. "I have heard of you all, and it's pleasure to meet you, though I wish it were under better circumstances. As for the new doctor, his name is Doctor House, and I was just on my way to see him. You all are welcome to accompany me, if you'd like?"

"So, why did someone as hot as you become a doctor?"

The mare startled at the question, then frowned. "I beg your pardon, Doctor House, but that's an inappropriate question!"

House sat back and smiled. "I've only been in your country for a day or so, but that's been long enough to see it isn't so different as where I'm from. Beauty opens doors, ugly has to work for it. You chose a profession in which you had to put in some actual work, instead of sitting back and letting your fine ass and your sweet face bring it all to you for free. So, again, why did you become a doctor?"

The struggle was visible on her face, but she finally answered, "Because I'm needed! Because there are assholes like YOU who can't see past my "fine ass" and don't expect to see anything else! Because I needed to prove I'm better than that!!" She glared at him, her chest heaving, then said, "Fuck you," got to her hooves and turned for the door.

Only to stop when she heard, "We start tomorrow at six AM. Don't be late."

She turned back around. "What makes you think I want to work for you now?"

House shrugged. "You said it yourself: because you're needed."

There were only three brave souls still waiting when the door opened and the last mare came out. They all saw the look on her face, and one was about to ask her how it went when the door opened again and the doctor himself hobbled out into the hall. All except the mare froze as he stared at them, then said, "The rest of you, come inside right now." Then he made his way back in and say heavily down as they followed him. He took a sip from his coffee before stating, "I'm actually a human being, sent here from a planet called Earth, to save your Princess Celestia." He paused, reading their stunned faces, then continued. "Here's the deal: I don't care about her, and I don't care about any of you. But I do care about solving mysteries, and your pony doctors don't seem to know what's killing her." He reached into his pocket and took out his bottle of painkillers and set it on the desk. "This is called Vicodin, a narcotic analgesic, which you don't have here. One of the first things I did when I came to this hospital was to check, and it figures that you would have just about every other medicine we have from Earth but the one I need. So you see, I have added motivation to solve this mystery, for once this runs out my usefulness runs out as well." He sat up and looked intently into their eyes. "I need at least one more team member who can help me save her. Any volunteers?"

The doctors all looked at each other, then one said, "You're crazy..." got up and left. But the two others, a mare and a stallion, stayed. House smiled.

"Still think I'm crazy, don't you?"

They both looked at each other, then looked at him and nodded, then the mare said, "I could use a little crazy in my life. And if it will help save the Princess, I'm in!"

House smiled again at her. "You...want crazy in your life?"

She smiled back. "If it will help me do my job, then sure."

He shook his head. "It won't. Get out."

She drew in a sharp breath, then jumped to her hooves. "You...you...asshole!!" But House merely waved at her. She ground her teeth, trying to think of some retort, then finally turned and fled.

The stallion watched her go, then looked back at House. "You're a dick."

"And you're ugly." He grabbed a copy of Celestia's medical records and threw it to him. "And now that the 'stating the obvious' game is over, read that, memorize it, and give me TEN diagnoses by six tomorrow morning."

Miss Eliza Kerry had trouble keeping the smile off her face as they turned the final corner to the new doctor's office. She could almost rub her hooves in anticipation of the look on his face when he was confronted not only by her but also by all SIX of Equestria's greatest heroes!

She paused to savor the moment as they all stopped in front of his door, then raised a hoof and knocked. They all heard a "Go away!" and were startled, but she composed herself and said, "Doctor House? It's the Dean of Medicine! I have some guests with me who all need to speak with you!"

Then they all heard hoofsteps making their way to the door, and it was flung open. A surly face looked out at them and said, "Are you all deaf?! I said, 'Go! Away!" Then he slammed the door, and they heard it lock.

"That...that...jerk!" cried Rainbow.

"May...maybe we should come back later...?" ventured Fluttershy.

But Applejack had reached her limit. "Y'all open this door or Imma gonna buck it in, ya fool!"

"No need, Applejack," said Twilight, "...give me a second..." She lit her horn, directing her magic to the lock. There was a gentle >click< and the door was open. The donkey looked up from his desk.

"I see privacy is not a thing in this world."

Twilight had the grace to look embarrassed. "I do apologize, Sir, but we really, really needed to speak to you!"

He sat back and sighed. "Well then, by all means, make yourselves at home!" He closed the file he was perusing and said, "Just know that for every minute of my time you waste, it's another minute you waste that I could be spending saving your Princess." He looked around at them all. "Just making sure we have our priorities in line."

That stopped them all cold. Suddenly, the reasons for being there didn't seem that important, but Twilight was still concerned and had her doubts. "I...I just have to ask, Sir...how confident are you that you can save Princess Celestia? I'm sure you love Her as much as we all do so---" but he cut her off.

"I don't."

Her eyes grew wide. "Ex...excuse me?!"

House sighed. "I don't give a rat's ass about her. All I care about is solving this puzzle, then going home." He met her gaze without flinching. "Does that answer your question?"

They all exchanged shocked looks with each other, then one by one turned and left. Just before she shut the door, Twilight looked over her shoulder and said, "Solving the puzzle means saving her life, correct?" The donkey simply stared at her.

She grimly smiled, then said, "If there's anything else you need, let us know."

Then she quietly shut the door and was gone.

Author's Note

I lied.