“Hush now dear, just rest,” Chrysalis cooed.

Thorax, being the great emotional support changeling that he is, let me hug and hold his head for a very extended period of time. Mostly because he got love out of it, and I got to hold a changeling. And as it turned out, Thorax is the biggest cuddlebug on the planet. It was a win-win if you asked me. As in a couple of hours. I rubbed the bug’s belly, petted him, and mostly did a lot of things that just made me feel a lot more relaxed after standing in front of a crowd of about a thousand and a half ponies. Luckily that relaxed feeling lasted a good hour.

Then I was stressed the shit out because I remembered that I had actual titles that nobles were supposed to have. Good thing that my girlfriend was also a changeling, and a very good emotional support changeling. The two of us were curled up in our guest room in our bed. Chryssy was curled up so that my head was cradled in her forelegs up against her chest. She also put long socks on to add some ‘extra comfort’ to her hole riddled hooves…

“Y’know, you don’t need socks to make your carapace more comfy…” I murmured as I finally found myself to be more relaxed than I have been in my life.

“Oh?” Chrysalis hummed as I nuzzled her.

“Yup, you’re soft and cuddly as is. Granted, your socks do accentuate your flank quite nicely, so I suppose you should keep the rear socks.” I felt Chryssy’s heartbeat kick up a tiny bit, so I knew I got a point in flirting with her. “I’m sorry we never got to do ‘it’ yet. I genuinely wanted to, but I got-“

“No, do not even speak like that. I know you were hoping to please me a week ago, yes it’s been that long since you’ve been kidnapped, it is truly King Sombra’s fault for kidnapping you in the first place.”

“So, where the heck is Sombra going anyways?” I asked.

“To a mental institution. He attempted to put you under mind control, and probably dug around in your head to find something to make you evil. Instead King Sombra went insane, claiming that he’s seen obscene horrors that he wished he'd never seen. First, he’s being sent to a hospital due to how badly you beat his face in; you knocked out almost every tooth in the top of that thing’s jaw and broke his nose.”

“Oh fuck… I must’ve been really pissed when I did that,” I sighed. “I need some anger-relief-things like a stress ball.”

“Well, if you don’t, I wouldn’t mind. You are kind of sexy when you get angry like that.” Great, Chryssy’s now at a thousand two hundred points for our ‘making the other blush’ game. Which is really just our excuse to constantly flirt with each other(probably because we both find it incredibly adorable when the other is blushing). I managed to breach a hundred last week, and Chrysalis got to a thousand last month. I buried my face deeper into Chrysalis’s neck to hide the blush.

I blame her ability to sense emotions. You fucking cheater… “I love you Chryssy,” leaned deeper into Chryssy’s chest and felt my eyelids give up on staying open.

“You’re quite cute when you’re flustered Fruit-“

I kissed her directly on the lips with my eyes still closed. We both quieted down after that. Mostly because I accidentally put my marefriend into a food coma with that kiss. And partially because I can barely stay awake.

It’s probably not a good sign when you wake up after returning home from ‘saving the Crystal Empire’ to a few loud knocks at the door. Especially when those knocks belong to a guardsman, or when that guardsman has a letter directly from Princess Celestia that pretty much says ‘come to the castle and meet me as soon as you get this’. Luckily for me, that is exactly what happened this morning at the crack of dawn. Wow, I am so stoked… A day off because according to my boss, I’m a hero, and then Celly probably wants to know how I took down Sombra.

I didn’t even really get to enjoy the scenery of Canterlot, like I normally do, because I couldn’t sleep. Like, have you ever felt so tired that it’s like you smoked six pounds of weed? That’s how I’m feeling right now, and boy does it feel awesome. If it weren’t for the fact that you can genuinely die from sleep deprivation, I’d let this happen more often. Not really, this feels awful, my back feels awful, my face feels awful, and so does my leg! Mostly my back, but also my leg!

Chrysalis was not happy about how little sleep I got, so she’s with me right now. With me? No. Chrysalis is never angry at me. She’s just mad about how I couldn’t get the sleep I needed to be a functioning pony of society. I can be a good horse on four hours of sleep… I swear. Some Princess from Disney would be happy with riding me, right? I need sleeping pills. Also, as Chryssy is carrying me on her back while I'm barely even conscious. Weirdly enough, my Chryssy smelled like my Chryssy.

“That stupid, inconsiderate, awful horse-“

My Chryssy was also pretty angry.

Yeah, apparently the word ‘horse’ is a slur for ponies. Along with ‘dobin’ and ‘mustang’. Chrysalis is very unhappy about how I pretty much got no sleep, or how Celestia wouldn’t give me a day to rest up and sleep in. So… whenever we get to the palace and meet up with Celestia, we’re gonna have a fun time. Mostly with Chrysalis running through slurs, personal insults, and other things for Celestia. Even called Celestia a ‘slender legged, shiny, assoholic bigot’ at some point.

I don’t know where she got the word ‘assoholic’ from. I’ve never used it before.

Boy does Chrysalis’s vocabulary turn heads. Most ponies walked by slunk away to hide from my angry bug horse, or sat slack jawed from all the apparent slurs Chrysalis was shouting at the tops of her lungs while making it very clear as to who all those insults are for. Given that Celestia was the prime target for those insults, a few others were incredibly shocked and were frozen in place because of said shock. Foals walking by had their mother’s hooves jammed into their ears, while the ones that didn’t, were laughing their asses off.

Understandable, my fellow ponies, have a good day. Nevermind, some of you ponies are just trying to check out Chryssy’s ass! No! That’s my Chryssy butt to stare at! Back off, Bubbles! That’s not your name, but you’ve got bubbles for your cutie mark!

I am so tired.

On the brightside, I can give a status report on the Crystal Empire even though that’s not my job and at least sixteen other ponies already did that when we got home last night… My head hurts.

And my leg. But mostly my head.

How Sombra actually went insane:
(Sombra’s POV)(right before he started convulsing on the floor for a week straight)

I entered the fool’s mind, hoping to find something to turn the idiot over to my side. Not exactly mind control, but some dark, inner thoughts about… Anything. Such as the possibility that his beloved Changeling Queen doesn’t love him, or even self doubt. Just something, anything dark magic can feed on for power, anything I can bring to the forefront that would make Fruit Punch my minion. I just found the idiot’s name, so maybe finding hatred or fear wouldn’t be too hard.

Sweet Creation, why are the dark thoughts so big? Well, if I can’t find anger, hatred, or anything else, then I’ll look in there later. Those may be helpful, but I don’t have time for this! I’ve got three alicorns and a changeling hive to kill! This mind is huge, yet empty. On the brightside, there is a ‘do not remember’ section of Fruit Punch’s head. Good, I can find something dark to use as fuel for Fruit Punch siding with me… Oh. My. No. No. NO! What the BUCK! What the actual buck is that shit! A hairless monkey-looking thing just stripped down while complaining about how they got slightly less ‘french fries’ than usual.

Another memory quickly zipped by of… moving drawings of a hairless, female monkey [redacted. What is being seen by Sombra is so bad that it can’t even be described without fucking the teen rating in half]. What the fuck is wrong with this pony? Who? Somepony actually dates this awful, foul thing? What the shi-

“Hello, welcome to McDonalds, how can I help you- sir, why are you stripping in front of me, what the fuck? Sir-”

OKAY! I’ve seen enough. I give up on taking over the world, I give up on destroying Princess Celestia and Luna. Not while this pony is still alive! I want my mommy! Even my ex, Celestia! Just somepony hold me and help me forget what I’ve just witnessed.

Back to Fruit Punch

As suspected, Chrysalis was not happy with Celestia. Given that Chrysalis told me to lie in Celestia’s bed, which felt like heaven, because we were in the Princess’s private chambers and Celestia was using a cushion beside her bed, and I had been given earplugs, I was left with only a visual of Chrysalis yelling at Celestia. Surprisingly, the solar princess’s ears were flattened, and she looked scared. Like a child being told off about stealing a cookie from the cookie jar.

It was kinda funny to watch, because I couldn’t tell what was being said because these were magically enchanted earplugs. Also Skitter and Scatter were laying on top of me, and their body heat was somehow warmer than usual which made me feel really sleepy. Like way more than I already was… Oh Scatter is grooming the inside of my ear without disturbing the earplug somehow. Oh. My. God, I am in heaven right now. Mmm, why are changelings so fucking awesome? Especially mine.

It’s like my guards knew I hadn’t gotten any sleep-

Holy fuck.

Holy shit.

Scatter just transformed into a plush version of herself. Okay, yeah, changelings are awesome. With how convincing their silent argument as to why I should rest up a little bit seems sound proof(HAH!), how can I really stay awake with such a good reason to go to sleep? I swear, it may be the two days without sleep talking, but I think Scatter’s plus smile got even wilder when I nuzzled into her cheek.

Chrysalis

“You are quite lucky that Novel Tale was not present to hear your little tirade,” Celestia said, taking a sip of tea. Luckily that foal that my old friend had adopted was currently doing an overnight study session with Princess Luna; they were going to be quite occupied for quite some time. We had moved to another area in Celestia’s private chambers after the sounds of Fruit’s, somehow really adorable, snoring reached our ears.

“I’m surprised that you took that so well,” I hummed. The two of us, mostly me, had managed to calm down and now we were just enjoying some tea together like old times. “Though, did you have to summon Fruit at the crack of dawn? He did just get back from being held captive by King Sombra; you could’ve given him the time he needed to rest up.”

“Well, I wanted to make sure Fruit was doing okay, given that I’m also his friend, Chrysalis. As for how I handled your tirade, I believe I recall you saying ‘just fuck me already, you magnificent bitch’ before we bedded each other for the first time,” Celestia giggled. “How do I miss those times! I was blissfully unaware of my sister’s mental strife, and I thought I had met my soulmate…” We both took a deep sigh. So many memories, so many distant memories. “Perhaps at some point and time we can go back to that? Without the mental strife Lulu was having of course.”

“There is a chance. However, you are not getting in between me and my stallion, Sunbutt. I will not start a herd with you or anypony else.”

“No! I don’t know how I can live without my Fruity time!” Celestia chuckled. “Why must everypony I date either turn out to be a changeling, or evil? Perhaps I just like dating future villains…” A yellow light flashed above Celestia’s head, and a letter fell on the table between us. “Ah, that is Sombra’s seal. Perhaps he wishes to reform?” Celestia unrolled the letter and read it over. She took three double takes on a specific part of the letter before staring at Fruit Punch. “Oh my sun… Sombra must’ve gone insane. He has not called me ‘dear’ since he declared war on Equestria.”

“Well, he did attempt to tamper with Fruit Punch’s mind. Apparently whatever is held up in my coltfriend’s head is so horrible that it makes even the most evil of beings crumble at the sight of what Fruit’s mind holds. I am quite interested, but after some mild testing, I don’t think any changeling can mind control Fruit due to a mental illness that he seems to have. And even then, the kind of mind manipulation that Sombra uses is entirely different from changeling mind control; since all changelings, myself included, are locked into that one method, I cannot even begin to mind control my coltfriend if I tried my best.”

“Well, on the bright side, you will not have to worry about anypony kidnapping Fruit and wiping his memories.”

“Luckily that is not something I need to worry about. And if they succeed, Fruit will drive them insane.”

Fruit had woken up some time during mine and Celestia’s little meeting. Logically, we weren’t in the same room as my coltfriend at the moment, and of course Fruit went missing again. After consulting Skitter, who was present instead of the very pony he’s supposed to be guarding, we had been directed towards the guard training ground. Scatter was missing for some reason. Of course, of course my coltfriend couldn’t take a moment to just relax, could he? Well, as told, Fruit was indeed the guard training ground.

On a bench, Scatter, in a plush form(and now wearing a little cheerleader uniform as well) was sitting on a bench, silently cheering on Fruit as he trained.

“You know, if you want to watch Fruit dance, you could watch him at this year’s gala,” I glanced at Celestia for a brief moment before turning my attention back to the ongoing sparring match. For some reason, Fruit had decided to try and have a physical bout with an earth pony. What was most surprising was the amount of grace the unicorn’s movements were, almost as though he was dancing as he parried and weaved around his much stronger foe’s attacks. Despite the clear strain Fruit was under, I could see a smile on his face as he managed to score a blow on his foe.

And another in the same spot, on the earth pony’s right shoulder. Ah, a classic methodology in changeling fighting.

“Well, watching Fruit is quite entertaining. I don’t recall seeing a pony fight in the way he does, let alone a unicorn. For as long as I’ve known Fruit, I don’t think he’s shown great interests in using magic-”

Fruit’s horn ignited in a crystal blue aura as the same colored aura appeared on the earth pony’s foreleg, making his foe trip. In an instant, Fruit pinned him to the ground, before letting him up while laughing with his apparent friend.

“Ah man! You’re fucking awesome, Iron!” Fruit’s voice reverberated throughout the massive hall. It wasn’t hard to make out the conversation even from the observation deck.

“You’re not too shabby for a unicorn either, Fruit,” the stallion bonked Fruit on the nose. “Though I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t use magic, you dirty liar.”

“Look dude, that fight wasn’t ending anytime soon, and I think the Sun will set in the west before a unicorn outlasts an earth pony in a slugging match.”

“Duh, earth ponies aren’t just wingless or magic-less. We’ve got endurance, strength, and sturdiness in the bag when compared to the other tribes.”

“No feckin’ kidding, Iron. You almost cracked my ribs when you hit me earlier!”

“I see that Fruit has been training quite extensively,” Celestia said, somehow she had acquired a cup of tea. “I believe that you had him train in changeling fighting?”

“Of course I did. Fruit needs to be able to defend himself should the need arise. He’s dating me of all beings, Celestia. If you haven’t noticed, of all the races covering Equus, changelings are universally hated. Doesn’t matter if it’s a dragon, a pony, or even a goat; they all will hate changelings and respond with varying levels of violence. And that’s ignoring how other Hives look down upon how I tend to date ponies on the occasional… every other century. With that said, I have a target on my back even when my Hive is an ally of the strongest country on the planet.

“And that doesn’t even come close to explaining how in danger Fruit’s life is.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Is it because of how much more vulnerable he is in comparison to you?” I simply nodded.

“Well, I don’t think you’ll have to worry too much,” Celestia said, gesturing down below.

Fruit had managed to subdue six guards and was in the process of taking down a seventh.

“I… I think Pharynx might be too good of a teacher,” I said while admiring my stallion. What? He’s quite sexy when he’s beating the shit out of Royal Guards… Oh! What would he look like in body armor? No enchantments to make him look like the rest of the Guards use. Just full on battle armor, that not only protects him, but lets Fruit move freely? Hmm. “Celestia,” the mare turned to me. “Can I commission something from the Royal Blacksmith?”

“Oh?” She asked innocently.

“Fruit Punch is going to look sexy in some armor.” Celestia just gave me a sly look.

“Oh. I see.” Celestia grinned while staring at Fruit.

“Find your own plaything!” Fruit stopped what he was doing, as did the rest of the guards in the hall, to look up at me after my little outburst. Celestia, now with a slice of cake, simply smiled politely as she regally ate a piece of said slice of cake… Dammit Celestia.

“Hey now,” Fruit was grinning maliciously. No, not really, it was more of a shit eating grin. “I wouldn’t mind bagging both a Queen and Princes-”

A whole cake smashed into the unicorn’s face.

Author's Note

And thus Fruit Punch shall... be invited to this year’s nightmare night in ponyvilel. via a lunar princess.

Fillies and colts will be traumatised by Fruit’s horror stories.