I… didn’t get very far after running from the crime I just committed apparently. That’s my only thought when I woke up in a prison cell. On the outside, two Royal Guards stood on both ends of where my cell was separated from other cells. Both stared straight ahead, never blinking, never faltering. My fore hooves were chained to the floor, but I still had a good range of motion around the cell even if certain spots were harder to be in from others after I did some mild testing. Towards the front of the cell, the chain was tighter. Towards the back where the bed was, they weren’t as tight. Granted, being chained up still wasn’t fun because Chryssy wasn’t wearing lingerie and holding a whip to punish me for being a bad boy, but it wasn’t so bad.

That’s until what I believe was the door to the dungeons opened up. A set of hoofsteps, or multiple(I could never really tell) started to fill the dungeons as they echoed off the walls. Clip, clop, clip, clop. It was like a countdown to my own death which I probably deserve and would probably want anyways. I killed a man, I have no point for being alive aside from Chrysalis, and I don’t even know if I will be allowed to see her. I just hopped up on my bed and decided to wait for whatever demise awaited me.

“You know,” it was Celestia, right off the bat. Her voice lacked any friendliness it once had, or even the public, motherly voice she usually hid behind. This one was cold and unforgiving. I looked up at the mare; yup that is a pissed off Celestia. I’m so fucked. “When I first met you, I expected you to have a lot more self control, with how polite you were, so you can imagine my surprise when I heard that you’ve killed one of my little ponies… Guards, leave us. If Fruit Punch even tries anything, there is little he can do to me.” The guards nodded and left without question. “Well? Will you defend yourself before I put you on trial? I believe Twilight would enjoy her first action as a Princess and hold court.”

“All I have to say is, I am in love, and some of your little ponies don’t like the ‘monster’ I’m in love with. And some are willing to kill me over it. Granted, I definitely misjudged how I should’ve handled the situation but… The pony I killed tried to kill me, Princess. Not only would that apparently be a huge insult to the Hive, from your ponies to them, but I think we both know that aside from the free food, Chrysalis made that treaty simply so she could walk with me in the streets without being considered a criminal.”

Celestia sighed. “Unfortunately, I am well aware of the situation that led to this, Fruit Punch. But you still committed murder, and we can settle it in two ways. And I am only offering you an out because I know you’re not a bad person. One, a public trial, where if you lose, or your arguments cannot convince three of the five Princesses in Equestria, four since Chrysalis will not be allowed to make any judgment in your trial, then you’ll be sent to Tartarus. Or, because I know you are more than capable, I will send you to Gryphus on an assassination mission. Should you succeed, the public will not hear of this, and you will be a free pony.”

“...I gotta kill somebody to make me innocent of killing somebody?”

“No, you will be performing a job for me. This just happens to involve the possible murder of the Prince of the Griffons; I would like to make King Bloodbeak to open up trade relations again. And you either kidnapping or threatening the Prince will play a part in that.”

“I… It’s either that or go to hell. When do I begin?”

“Now. You will be sent as a representative of Chrysalis’s Hive. You will leave at noon.”

I sat down in my room on the airship. I just… don’t know why I couldn’t remember how fragile unicorns are? Like fuck, I am a unicorn, and I still forgot. Well, hopefully I can talk to the griffins into letting trade open up again. I kinda knew what was going on with that. Changelings and griffins apparently hate each other. So griffins were none too happy about Equestria’s alliance with just Chrysalis’s Hive, which wasn’t even all that big for a changeling hive. Just over two thousand changelings compared to the possible millions of changelings littered throughout Equus.

That’s still a dumb name for a planet.

“We will be in Gryphus in an hour or two.” Good thing Gryphus was pretty much the equivalent of Canada back home. Not as powerful as its southern neighbor, but basically just north of it. Except I think everyone doesn’t like Griffins, whereas the only people that hate Canada are the native americans because Canada. So I reclined on my bed as a knock on my door reminded me that this is a mission.

“I see you’ve supposedly killed a pony in my name.” Chrysalis walked in, before she was suddenly on the bed beside me.

“I did. Well, he hated that I was dating you, and he tried to murder me. I… may have forgotten how frail unicorns actually are.”

“Well, the only important thing is that you are safe. And should you fail your mission, I will kidnap you and move our Hive back to the badlands. Should Celestia seek to continue punishing you… However, for this mission I will leave you with a little gift,” Chrysalis zapped me with some sort of spell. “Can you hear me?” Chrysalis asked. Oh god, I can hear her sexy voice in my head! “Judging from your surprise, you can. I can take control of your body should killing the Prince be problematic and shut your consciousness off so you do not have to live with the pain… I believe you will not want to kill the Prince when you see him, so I shall do it in your body. I have changelings in King Bloodbeak’s palace already, all of whom are communicating with me, so I can aid you in your mission.”

“Thanks Chryssy. I’m glad Equestria’s law system is just as broken as my home’s. Almost get killed, like I almost got stabbed in the heart, and I still get punished for defending myself… I woulda preferred you just whipping me in some sexy, white lingerie.”

“Trust me, I would as well. If all else fails, we can relocate the Hive to its original location and we abandon Equestria… Good luck on your mission; I cannot go with you.” We shared a kiss, and I swear I could see my marefriend shed a tear as she walked out of the room.

When we made it to Gryphus, everyone around me was giving me the stink eye, even some old looking Griffins that were surrounded by armored ones. I walked up to him and bowed. “I believe you are King Bloodbeak?” I asked. The fella was wearing a crown, some of his feathers were gray, but a lot of his fur, which was on his hindlegs, were also gray. The griffin was also followed along with the greek version of griffins instead of Egyption ones, which was pretty interesting. He was quite the sight to behold all things told. Riddled with scars, muscles that perfectly chiseled.

“Indeed I am. I suppose you are the changeling posing as Fruit Punch? On behalf of your Queen of course.”

“I am here on behalf of the Queen, though I am not a changeling. I am the Queen’s consort; she trusts that I have our Hive’s best interests in mind. And I must say old dude, you’re quite the sight to behold.” In my head, I could feel Chrysalis slowly and rhythmically beating her head into the side of my brain. And a wall in whatever room she may be in. Bloodbeak raised an eyebrow before smirking. I think it's hard to tell with the beak.

“I see that you aren’t an ass kissing idiot. That’s good. I think we’ll get along nicely…” The king leaned in. “am I truly a sight to behold?”

“Yes sir. I might look like a pony, but I am not of this world, or possibly this universe. Where I’m from, griffins are simply a thing of mythology and all our art makes you guys out to be absolutely magnificent creatures… The real thing blows all that art out of the water. Even with you being… an old dude, you look fucking awesome, like a warrior griffin that’s survived many battles judging from the scars you’ve got on ya.”

The King chuckled. “I’m glad that I can exceed expectations. Though let us head to the palace and feast… even if you are technically the leader of one of our greatest enemies, it is wise to make due with some respect.”

“Same to you, lad. Hey, who knows, maybe we can put our past behind us and y’all can open up trade with Equestria again. Celestia really wasn’t happy about that.” And hopefully we can do that without killing anybody. As we walked, the king told of his many tales from battles which were actually pretty fun to listen to. Like a human, he made gestures with his talons as he regaled his victories. On occasion he would point out an important landmark we were passing, which was always neat. Gryphus, despite not being as colorful, was just as grand and beautiful as Canterlot.

“You know Boodbeak, you’re a good man,” I said after wiping the tears from a joke he told. Truth be told, the king was actually pretty fucking funny to boot. Before long, we had entered the palace and we were quickly led to the dining hall. “This will also be our meeting room once negotiations begin. For now, I’d like you to meet my family.” Sitting at the table, was a female Griffin that looked pretty young, and also pretty fucking pretty. Next to her was an even younger female griffin, and next to that griffin was a baby griffin in a baby seat. “This lovely Arie is my wife,” the two griffins nuzzled each other. “This here is my daughter, and heir to the throne, Lightfeather.”

Oh god. I can already see what’s happening here. The king grabbed the baby griffin. “This is my beautiful little Prince, Flamebeak!” The infant reached out for me, and before I knew it, I was holding the little guy in my forelegs… How the fuck am I supposed to kidnap or kill this thing? For one, he was adorable, for another, I don’t think I could kill Prince Flamebeak if I tried; I won’t be able to bring myself to do it.

“Remember Fruit, I can finish the job if need be,” Chrysalis said from inside my head. “You… are already attached aren’t you? Fruit, that is your target. Fruit, stop playing with the Prince. Fruit!”

“You know, I did not expect you to know how to play with one of my children,” Bloodbeak commented. I was now dangling a bit on a string over the griffin. He was kinda like a birdcat, he was a birdcat, and thus acted a lot like a kitten.

“It’s like playing with a housecat back at home. FUCK!” The little fucker scratched me… That is fucking awesome! Chrysalis’s head pounding became faster with every second. Before long, I handed the kid back to his father, and went to take a seat. “So, would it be rude to discuss… whatever while we eat? I was never in a position of power before I came to Equestra.”

“It wouldn’t be considered impolite. Just don’t speak with food in your beak,” the griffin grinned. “If you were a stuffy noble with their head stuck far, far up their ass!” We both had a good laugh at that one. “Though I would not mind doing some multi-tasking so that we can have peace between the changelings and griffins. Once we come to an agreement, I am sure I can personally handle the reopening trade between Equestria… perhaps even discuss trading with your Queen?”

“Honestly sir, changelings have such little care for physical objects, that we could probably only offer services in exchange that you simply feed the changelings under your care.”

“Works for me… I know changelings would make excellent spies should we come to peace.”

“Oh, they’re excellent in most fields; they gotta blend in somehow. Some could be excellent doctors, constructors, artists, fuck, some are down to be a fuck buddy if you ask nicely enough.”

“Is that experience talking?”

“I’ve made the Queen moan a few times.”

“With you negotiating, I think changelings and griffins will end today as good friends.”

So instead of actually discussing politics, we just chatted over stupid shit. Bloodbeak’s wife was honestly a really sweet lady, and I got to tell Bloodbeak about my fast food ventures, and delicacies I’ve worked on outside of that. From there it ended with Bloodbeak being covered in pizza sauce and too stuffed to even begin the talks. So of course, Chrysalis demanded that I go to Prince Flamebeak’s room, because I guess he didn’t sleep with his parents, and kill the bastard already.

So that’s where my first dilemma started at the kid’s door. “Chrysalis, why do I have to do this again?”

“Because Princess Celestia will send you to Tartarus if you don’t.”

“How the fuck will this help with trade negotiations?” I lifted a knife, ready to begin the killing blow, just kill the kid before I have to look in his eyes. Easy, right? Despite the knife shaking in my hooves I found my resolve to build, and build and build. Only for it to shatter moments later each time I decided to make a move. Each time I brought it up, I held it for a moment before letting it drop to my side while I waited for Chrysalis to give me an answer. The answer she gave me told me all I needed to know.

“Buck if I know.”

Now I was standing over Flamebeak, who of course, woke up instantly and started reaching up for me. “Chrysalis, you cannot make me kill something this fucking cute. I don’t… I don’t wanna go to Tartarus, but I don’t wanna kill a kid, Chryssy. I have many places where I draw the line, and I can’t. I just… won’t kill a kid. He deserves a shot at life, not a fucking casket.”

“Fruit, you do not understand. I would be devastated and-”

“Technically Celestia didn’t think to just say I couldn’t get trade negotiations open. We don’t have to kill this kid.”

“That… is an excellent point, and while I would love to spill the blood of one of the greatest enemies to changeling kind, I will subside that desire for you, Fruit. And yes, we can adopt a griffin later down the line because you think they’re adorable. Don’t think I saw your brain making thoughts such as ‘I should pet Bloodbeak to see what happens. I have a plan, call for the guards. Allow me to take over from there.”

I stuck my head out the door and shouted for guards.

From there everything became a haze as Chrysalis was in control of my body. I could vaguely hear Bloodbeak's voice.

“So you will be leaving some changelings stationed in the palace to act as an extra layer of security… the King pulled out scrolls. “This is the peace treaty we worked out, Fruit Punch. This is a letter for the Princess; it basically says the Griffin Empire is ready to rebegin trades. Is there anything you wanna tell me?”

“I think my girlfriend planted something in me, so I think she was the one you negotiated with.”

Bloodbeak blinked. “No wonder you were actually trying to be polite… if that is how Queen Chrysalis normally is, which is with a lot of veiled, sexual innuendos, then I would not being friends with her at all.”

“I also hope you know that changeling hives are independent from each other; you only have a treaty with my Hive.”

“Of course. Will you come to our aid should another changeling hive attack Gryphus?

“I personally will. I think a battalion of changelings would also be more than willing to assist me if I have to come save your asses.”

Bloodbeak and I shook talon and hoof before I was pulled into a hug by said king. “Take care, my friend!”

“You’re fucking fluffy as hell. There is no justice in the world!”

“...What?”

I found a way to scratch the King with my hooves. I think I just secured the Bloodbeak’s favor harder than my wood every time I woke up.

Celestia wasn’t too happy about me and Chrysalis outsmarting her. But I was a free man… Nah, are you kidding? No, now Celestia is forcing me into politics because I apparently did a good fucking job even without Chrysalis helping me. “And thus why you are now my primary negotiator,” Celestia smuggly said from behind her tea cup.

“What?”

“I said what I said.”

“You just said that I’m your primary negotiator... and that was it.”

“Well, this was a sort of test. Either way you’d be punished. You either fight your morality for freedom, or you end up as a politician. The simple fact that you caught a slip up in my wording, and that you managed to start up trade negotiations, undo some of my plans revolving around changelings and griffins, and managed to earn Bloodbeak’s favor screams at how well you might do as a politician.”

“I... Can I go to Tartarus?”

“Nope! You didn’t even kill the pony that attacked you; you just broke his jaw.”

“Bro, what the fuck?”

“I am not a male, so I can’t be your brother. Nor are we related by blood, so I can’t be your sister. But I just wanted to see you nearly piss yourself while doing something very immoral. Chrysalis was relaying what you were doing the whole time,” Celestia stuffed a whole cake in her mouth. “And now I have a negotiator; so I still win!”

“I’m going to kill myself-“ Celestia dropped her fat ass on top me so I couldn’t move.

Author's Note

Trollestia moment.