The Universe Hates You Specifically

Onyx had fully expected the big guy to kill him in some gruesome manner. Even now, he was still a little bit in shock that he wasn't dead or dying. But as he observed the griffon, it quickly became apparent that he was unbearably pleasant, totally oblivious to the oppressive atmosphere that surrounded them- and the thought of him being some kind of violent monster quickly faded into fantasy.

Every once in a while, the stallion slung over Edgar’s shoulder grunted, providing the only noise other than the sound of hoofs and talons and paws on cobbles.

Occasionally, they’d come to a split in the road, or Edgar would right walk past a turnoff, a hidden side street, and Onyx would have to rush up and direct him properly- yet he refused to simply lead the way, and thus the dance continued.

Onyx would cringe at every cart that went past, each pair of eyes that followed them, and Edgar would cheerfully wave at everypony he saw, sometimes striking up short-lived conversations that his companion shut down quickly and with finality.

And so it was like this they went on, until they reached the town’s medical centre. Tunks had already been and left, and the doctor was already apprised of the situation- she’d either been bribed or threatened in order to prevent her from ratting them out to the Crown. Not that she would have needed much convincing- out here, witches were common and helpful enough that people were willing to turn a blind eye.

Onyx warily considered his unexpected griffon companion out the corner of his eye. Was he going to keep quiet about this? Regardless, he couldn’t just let him go after he’d seen this much.

Edgar, oblivious to the internal dialogue of the unicorn, as well as the fact that he was a unicorn at all- laid the unconscious pony down in the bed next to Silver, and then waited by the door as Onyx sorted out the details.

When he was finished, he strolled up to the complete stranger that he had enlisted to help him. The griffon spoke first, shooting him a warm smile. “Shame we didn’t meet under more- well, pleasant circumstances; Name’s Edgar.”

Onyx already knew this, as ‘Edgar’ had said as much to at least three ponies over the course of the last thirty minutes as they’d walked over. He put a hoof through his mane. “Onyx.” Seeing the way that Edgar stared at him, he felt the need to add “Is my name.” Edgar kept smiling, his head cocking almost imperceptibly to the left. “My name is Onyx.”

Edgar closed his eyes for a moment, grin splitting widely across his beak. “Yeah, I got that.” He kicked off the wall he was leaning on, as if doing so actually helped him to do anything other than look cool. Or at least, attempt to look cool. Edgar had dented the wall a little where he’d been leaning, and he was a little too large to stick the landing properly- bumping the arrangement of potted mushrooms next to him as he came down.

This however, did not seem to impact his enthusiasm.

“Come on, let’s head out. It’s getting a mite bit stuffy in ‘ere, wouldn’t you agree?” He started to leave without waiting for a response, and Onyx wordlessly trailed behind him, not sure how to respond.

Damn it! He’d already done what he needed to; why the hell was he sticking around? Did he want payment? Something else? Did he know that Onyx was secretly in a unicorn cult that had committed a kidnapping as recently as a little more than half an hour ago?

Or was he actually deranged? Onyx had heard of it happening before- after living in Equestria for long enough, some griffons ended up with a form of psychosis, acting upon their latent hatred of their equine hosts; grisly images of mutilated ponies would surface in the papers every once in a while.

Then again, it was quite possible that Edgar had no ulterior motives, and was just a nice guy. A terrifyingly strong, nice guy.

By the time they reached the first street corner, Onyx had managed to scamper up far enough for them to walk side by side, and he once again appreciated just how much taller than him the griffon was.

“So, what’s the plan from here?” Edgar yawned, stretching out his wings before folding them back up neatly. The feathered appendages nearly spanned the whole footpath at one point, and as they passed over him, Onyx’s mind was flooded with visions of landslides, cave-ins; really anything to do with immediate, traumatic crushing.

“H- how do you mean? The plan?”

“Well… what are you gonna do now?” He looked down to make eye contact with Onyx, smirking at him coyly. Many things were going through the unicorn’s mind, most of them intrusive or unbidden. Onyx's eyes darted wildly around, and he began to sweat. Gulping down his fear, he considered what anypony passing by would think. Is this ok? Is this socially acceptable?

Onyx searched desperately for a convincing lie, but none made themselves apparent. “I guess I’m going to go… uhh, home?” He finished lamely, hoping that would be enough of a signal for the ditzy catbird to leave him alone. The alternative was that Edgar would see it as an invitation, and Onyx was not ready to deal with the consequences of that.

“Oh! In that case, allow me to walk you there,” Edgar brought him close with one wing and held him there, as he mock-whispered, “Wouldn’t want anything to happen to you in the dark, would we?” At this point, Onyx was seriously confused as to whether Edgar was hitting on him or threatening him at any given time. It didn’t help that he was so close- and so big. The griffon himself frowned a little as Onyx extricated himself from the wing around him.

“It’s really alri-” the snap of talons interrupted him, once again foiling an attempt to rid himself of his altogether confusing companion. Those claws really were sharp. They could easily shred him down to the bone. They could probably do so much more.

“I just had a fantastic idea!” Edgar wheeled about to face him, eyes lit up and smiling broadly. Onyx was uncertain as to just how ‘good’ this idea was, considering who had come up with it. “You ever flown before?”

Ah. It isn’t just a bad idea, Onyx mused. It’s an outright terrible one- perhaps the worst possible idea ever.

There was no way he was going to let Edgar continue with this mad train of thought. He was going to put his hoof down, straighten this guy out, and be on his way, and nothing was gonna stop him!

“I don’t rE-” His sentence ended before it could even properly begin as Edgar scooped him up under one arm and shot into the air. The immediate sensation of weightlessness was utterly alien, and there was a brief period of placid surreality, as the unicorn’s body didn’t yet seem to find anything wrong with the fact that it had been translated many metres directly upwards in a matter of seconds.

Then the rapid ascent tapered, and they came to a peak. Now the only thing standing between Onyx and the irresistible beckoning of gravity was a beaked idiot who seemed to be incapable of leaving him alone. Already his stomach was spiralling down towards the cobble in spirit, even if his body remained trapped within the clutches of the griffon.

“hOLY- gguhrk-FUCK” Breathing slowly and shallowly so as to not move around too much, Onyx came to the quiet realisation that somebody was tousling his mane. This was absolutely terrifying, as it meant that Edgar was holding him with one claw.

He was trying to keep himself from shaking too much, but tucked close to Edgar’s chest, it must have been impossible for the griffon to ignore. “Hey now,” Edgar spoke in a low voice as they pulled up at a ninety degree angle, letting their hind legs dangle down to the ground far below them. Moving his talons down to Onyx’s sides, he flipped the stallion around to face him. “Just look at me, mmkay?” he cooed, and as Onyx found his eyes, he grinned again “Now breathe! Deeply, alright? Don’tcha go hyperventilating yerself.”

The feeling of surreality returned, and the overwhelming sensation of looming death crept backwards a few steps, before almost completely washing off him as he took a moment to look at the sky- the distant, dim pinpricks of faraway stars, and then, of course, to the griffon that dominated his vision. Throughout all of this, Edgar had just seemed so genuinely nice, and his smile had rarely faltered the whole time. He was absolutely radiant, and to ponies that lived in darkness, light like his was often blinding.

“Attaboy!” And then he was being moved- spun around and tucked back under Edgar’s arm. “Now, point us in the direction of yer place and we’ll be off.” Onyx's heart decided that now was a good time to play a drum solo.

Sure. Why not then? It’s not like anypony was expecting him back at the base, and it was hardly like they did a roll call. Whoever showed up, showed up, and that was about it most of the time. Nopony would mind if he was spending some time at home. With a really forward griffon. Doing perfectly normal activities. Platonically. As new friends.

“It’s over that way, to your right- no, your other right. Yes, keep goin- wait wait wait! Don’t go so fast!” Onyx blushed as he realised that he was pouting and when he snuck a peek up at Edgar’s face, the griffon blew a raspberry at him. He sighed, “I’ll get sick if you’re not careful- I’m not exactly used to flying, now am I?”

“Alright, princess. Anythang you want.” Edgar laughed at him, but he did move noticeably slower, which Onyx was silently grateful for.

“There! It’s over there- tucked away on that squiggly side bit…” Edgar dropped a little closer to the ground, the movement prompting a sharp inhalation from Onyx.

While he’d become somewhat acclimated with hovering at altitude, actually ‘flying’ was a different matter entirely, and horizontal motion at any speed was still debilitatingly foreign.

Hold on, when was the last time I had visitors? The svelte unicorn began to fret, realising that his home was far from opulent and his cleaning habits were hardly fastidious. It was fine- he was sure that something like that wouldn't matter between friends.

As they came to a slow halt above the street, Onyx breathed heavily, speaking once he’d regained his breath. “Yeah, that one. It’s the third house from the end.”

The pair descended with the sound of heavy wingbeats that punctuated the stillness of the night, and- as Onyx noticed with no small amount of unease- fell in time with the beating of his own heart.

~~~

Dusty, empty halls, grand arches and colonnades, frescoes and elaborate engravings; the studio, gallery and the music room. A library filled with books she’d written. This was her domain, her palace; a kingdom of one.

Luna had been trapped here for a while. Well- obviously- That was kind of her whole deal at the moment. But specifically, recently she’d been trapped in the sense that she was unable to reach her new (probably only) friend, Beatrix.

She’d realised in the early days of her confinement that she could still break back out into the world to some extent; there were a few places and objects she could project herself to. The magic involved was complicated, highly theoretical, and she wasn’t much bothered with understanding any of it, so long as she could finally leave her gilded cage.

It had quickly become disappointing when she realised she was unable to go any real distance from her crown (“diadem”, a small voice insisted from another room) without it becoming exponentially harder to maintain connection.

Then there was the fact that she couldn’t actually interact with the things around her- at least not properly. She could use magic, but it only worked sometimes and only on some things, seemingly at random.

Also… there was the moon.

She didn’t like going there.

When she was younger, she’d had nightmares about being trapped in endless grey plains, pockmarked with craters and hills, nothing in sight but more rock. You could gallop, fly or teleport forwards as fast as you could for hours, and nothing in the landscape would change. It was in many ways, the manifestation of her greatest fear.

But now she was double stuck! And after acting like a total foal in front of her cool unicorn friend too! She hadn’t had a breakdown like that since her third year at the academy- even when she’d woken up stuck (the old stuck, not the new one.)
Perhaps it was because things were finally starting to seem real again. Until about a week ago, she was almost convinced that the entire thing was a dream- although she was uncertain whether that meant her “old” life or her current one.

She couldn’t get to the crown (somepony yelled, “diadem!” from elsewhere in the building, although it was rather muffled).

She’d left her best friend (“only friend” came a correction) there in a bloody alleway for heavens’ sake.

After walking aimlessly for a while, she had reached the gallery. The art pieces here were all fairly terrible- she would know, being the artist for each and every one. Well- actually there was one that her sister had done, but Luna didn’t keep that one on display any more.

There was little else for her to do, and she hardly fancied looking at her collected failures, so she resolved to go and make some new mistakes, entering the studio and closing the door behind her.

~~~

“Shit. I don’t believe it.” Onyx patted himself down. The door stared impassively at him from one side, and Edgar waited with bated breath on the other.

“Dun believe what now?”

“Here, mind holding my cloak for a mo’?” He shot a glance back at Edgar who nodded and sat on his haunches, holding out his arms to receive the garment.

As he caught the bit of fabric, he examined it closely, scrutinising it. “Honestly, it’s more of a robe than a cloak. Cloaks don’t have sleeves, like this,” he held out one of the arms of the fabric, “See?”

“Uh-huh, that’s dandy. Where the fu-” Onyx froze, halfway through patting his clothes down. He’d forgotten that he was supposed to be hiding the fact that he was a unicorn. He turned slowly to face Edgar, hoping- praying to the Seer herself, even though he didn’t really do that anymore- that the griffon wouldn’t react adversely. He readied himself to cast any number of offensive or defensive spells, as he waited to gauge Edgar’s response.

Edgar looked up and his usual ‘cool-guy cowboy’ persona absolutely crumbled as he nearly squee’d. “Butter my butt and call me a biscuit Onyx; your horn’s fucking adorable! I don’t blame you for yer fashion choice- I’d keep my head covered too if it was that darned cute! Nobody’d damn well take ya seriously!”

“Huh- wha?” Onyx’s ears folded as he touched a hoof to the spectacularly undersized horn that had made him the target of ridicule for most of his life. “Shut up! Jerkass.” A heat rose from within him though- he could tell that Edgar meant no harm by it, and he scoffed as the griffon sidled over and tousled his hair again. “And stop doing that!”

He didn’t push the griffon away though.

“Well, I can’t find my keys… but,” he looked Edgar over again once more before looking off into the distance again. Despite the griffon’s hulking build, it was hard to imagine somebody more friendly and harmless. “There is somewhere else we can go, to… uhh-.” he snapped his head back round. “What exactly… were we, y’know, gonna do? Together. In my house.” a few beads of sweat rolled down his forehead, darkening his white coat. “The two of us. Alone.”

“Iunno? Chat? Maybe have a few drinks?” Edgar shrugged. “Rescue a princess from his life of mundanity and routines?” Onyx didn't say anything, but not for lack of trying. “Dun’t matter none- you ready?” Onyx cocked his head.

“Ready? For what?”

Edgar tossed the robe at him and flapped his wings once, grinning. “For your second flight, pal.”