Author's Note

disclaimer: I am not a therapist, do not follow any of the advice from these ‘therapy sessions’ if there is any. I’ll mostly just brush past those so I don’t give out shitty advice.

Seeking Help

After a little while, Chrysalis and her changelings left except for Gengar. The changeling in question sat beside me on the couch, and smartly did not lay on my lap. “Do… you wish to talk about it, Bob,” Gengar asked, placing a hoof on my shoulder. “I know that… you might be unwilling, but talking about what happened might actually make you feel better.” I shook my head. What was worrying, even after all the comfort and care that was provided to me, I felt… empty. It’s not a feeling I’ve felt in a long time, but this time I’ve nothing to distract myself with. My breakfast, which smelled amazing, left mostly untouched on the coffee table.

“Sir, you need to eat, I know you likely aren’t-”

“Gengar, I’m not feeling hungry right now. If you wanna, you can go back to Chrysalis; I won’t blame you. I’m not gonna be a very good source of emotions, unless depression tastes good to you.”

“It’s poisonous to changelings sir…” The changeling nuzzled me. “And while you may not be a good source of food for me anymore, I will not leave you alone. The last thing you need is to be alone, sir. We changelings have an innate ability to feel how others are feeling… and you feel like a void right now sir. After what has happened to you, I do not blame you. And you should not blame yourself for what happened… if I get my hooves on that bitch, I will make her suffer for ruining you, Bob.”

“Don’t even try it, Gengar. I brought what happened onto myself. It wouldn’t have gone on for as long as it did if I hadn’t been a bitch and froze up. Plus, what can we do? Luna’s a fucking alicorn, those are apparently super strong, and she’s a god damn Princess. We can’t do anything legally to her, and we can’t do anything to her physically unless we wanna kill her in her sleep. And… I don’t even think we can get away with that. Let’s just drop it.”

“Okay sir… want to try and experiment with making ice cream sandwiches? You were so excited when you brought up the idea, and while I don’t need to eat, I do like tasting pony food… or human food in this case.”

“No… I just… I don't feel like doing anything. Is it possible for any pony that shows up to go away?”

“Sir, those ponies that may show up are your friends. Perhaps you can tell them-”

“That one of their princesses is fucking mental, Gengar? Back home, if a guy claims he was raped, he gets laughed at and somehow, he’s the one who raped the girl! Who’s to say it’s any different here?” Gengar remained silent. I sighed and started petting him. “Look, sorry about yelling at you, bud. I’m just… I don’t even know anymore, man. It's just… I hate all of this.”

“I… know sir. I think you should actually go get some rest. You were up all night, after all.” I yawned. “I’ll carry you to bed.”

“Please don’t use your magic to move me.”

“Did Luna use her magic…?” I nodded. “I see. Worry not,” Gengar turned into a big, brown bear, and he lifted me up into his arms. Soon, I found myself just laying in my bed, alone. Gengar had gone down stairs to do… something. I don’t know, but I think I heard the door open at some point, so I didn’t care. My eyes, with them having gone so long without rest, finally closed. At some point, I think I started dreaming… I don’t know, I just know that I was running from something, something scary, something… horrifying. I didn’t care to take a second glance; I just wanted to run away from the monster. I tripped over a branch and fell to the ground to face my demise.

“ENOUGH!” My ears started ringing, only for my eyes to widen in fear. Luna just murdered the shit out of the monster… This has to be a dream. “Bob! Why are you sleeping at this hour? You should be out enjoying my sister’s sunny day like everypony else! It’s unhealthy to spend all day inside, asleep.” Luna, no, a monster tilted her head as she stared down at me. “Bob? Did you… What is wrong? I’ve ended your nightmares and you are not happy to see me?”

“You…”

“Yes, I. Are you okay, Bob?”

“You… this is a dream, right?”

“Of course. I met up with you last night after claiming your desires to bed me.”

“How…”

“I am the Princess of Night that comes with several abilities, such as dream walking.”

“You…” If this is real, I will probably regret saying this. “Have the fucking audacity to come to my home, in the middle of the night, and… no, not sex, that wasn’t fucking sex. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable. No, you fucking forced yourself on me over a god damn joke, Luna. We were friends, we joked around, we laughed together on Nightmare Night. That’s what we do; we poke fun at each other. My little side message for you? Yeah, that was a god damn Joke, Luna. You… can go fuck yourself. Get out of my dreams and get out of my life…”

“Bob, what are you-”

“You fucking raped me, you cunt!

“I did not, you requested-”

“Bull fucking shit I did! I know that… scientifically horses and humans are not closely related enough to have offspring at least... If you somehow are pregnant after last night and you make me pay child support, I will find you. I will fucking find you and stick you in a room full of mustard gas. I will make every single fucking moment of your life a living hell for what you’ve done to me. I didn’t want to have sex with you, I never did. I made that clear when we first met, and you assume one little line on a letter was my confession to you?”

“Thou dares threaten your Princess, Bob? Do not make me storm your home with a battalion of guards!”

“I don’t believe in royalty, Luna. I don’t give a damn if you’ve got a crown, some fancy title, and are somehow tied to the moon. You no longer have my respect, you are not a friend of mine, not after what you’ve done to me, and I fucking hate you. If you somehow find your way back into Ponyville and decide to visit me, I will kill you. Thanks for ruining me, Luna.”

“Wait- we are no longer friends?” The lunar princess seemed to be shocked at my declaration.

“Jeez, what made you think that? Did you even fucking pay attention? You fucking raped me, Luna. What made you think you and I were friends after that?” I growled. “Lemme guess, you’re a pretty fucking Princess, and assume I would forgive you, or you didn’t even begin to think before you did you you did? Because what you did will fucking stick with me. Until the day I die, either I will constantly or periodically remember when I trusted you, and then you raped me.”

“I thought you wanted to take our friendship to another-”

“Luna, we hung out once. Are you fucking…” I felt the dream shake. “What the fuck-”

The next thing I knew, I had Princess Luna standing over me. I screamed and kicked her in the stomach, only for a very not Luna-sounding yelp to escape the psycho’s lips. “Well, that was not pleasant. You are surprisingly strong for something so skinny.” Oh… “Why were you asleep for so long, Bob? I thought you would be the type of pony to enjoy such a nice day.” Celestia had just gotten herself on the floor.

“I uh… had an experience with Luna last night.”

“She told me about that.”

“I didn’t want that experience,” I growled.

“Oh… What the buck.” Celestia’s voice sounded both shocked and disgusted.

“So, why are you here?”

“I've come to tell you that calculators, automated seed planters, alcohol, and miniature ovens have all passed the test, and are allowed to be put into production. I will have to put laws in place for alcohol, but it does have some properties that are useful outside of parties. I am particularly interested in calculators. They make math so much easier. Just a few button presses away from solving any sort of basic equations.”

“Yeah. They’re pretty cool. I’m assuming you put those into production for me?”

“Of course! If I knew how smart you humans are, I would have summoned more of you! I… Am so sorry about what Luna has done to you. I know nothing can truly be done to fix the damage done to you by her, unfortunately. I will be locking Luna to Canterlot and prohibit her from interacting with you in dreams. Would you like to talk about what happened?”

“Not particularly.”

“It’ll help.”

“I know it will.”

“You can talk to me. I will use a spell to keep myself from speaking of what happens during our little therapy sessions. I will also be supportive and be available for you whenever you need it; it’s the least I can do for a friend. And yes, I am a trained psychiatrist; I’ve had all the time in the world to learn how to help my little ponies through any problems they have whether they’re physical or mental.”

“I… Would it be a bother to you?”

“Bob, you got raped. You need therapy. I’m not just telling you as a Princess, I am telling you as your friend. Get help, go outside, try to move past this.”

“I’ll take your offer. I-I really don’t want to talk about it, but I know it’ll get worse if I let it fester. I already snapped at a friend because of their concern for my well-being. If it's not for me, it’s at least to keep my friends from worrying.”

“Good. Our sessions shall begin shortly. Anything you would like to speak about before we begin?”

“Am I legally your pet now? I heard about those tickets.”

“Well, yes and no. You are legally a citizen; I just wanted to see if my little ponies would take a law, such as not asking for belly rubs from a human, too seriously. Twilight and her friends took that quite seriously and it was kind of cute.”

“Cool… I don’t have to tell them, do I?”

“No. For both what happened to you and that law; I am a bit possessive of my favorite human. Hence why I am going to such lengths to punish my sister for what she did to you. And for that those tickets, know that they have were made as a joke. But seriously, spend time with your friends. It will at least help you feel better if nothing else. Spend time with Venice Arrow; I know you two are quite close from Twilight’s letters… I’ve heard rumors that that mare is closer to you than Twilight is.”

“Of course she is. One of the first ponies I’ve met, aside from Twilight and her friends, and she treats me like I’m a human being. You do not understand how taxing it is to be considered nothing more than a dumb dog. Venice treats me like a man, lets me babysit her kid, who is an absolute angel, and is so god damn sweet. I… it has been a minute since I’ve seen her. I think I wanna see her.”

“Well, once we are done here, I shall go retrieve Venice Arrow for you. I’m sure she’d love to just lay in your lap. I know I sure did… it is a shame that I am too heavy for your lap.”

“You’ve been proven to have basic shape shifting abilities. You weren’t too heavy when you were filly-sized.”

“I did. But that is beside the point. Now, allow us to begin your first therapy session.”

And so it began. We simply chatted, and as it turned out, the small talk from earlier was to ease me into actually opening up to Celestia when it came to my problems. And… It worked. It probably helped that we’re already friends, but it still helped with my road to recovery. So that’s what I did, my primal fear, what happened, how Luna would not stop despite how I was expressing how her advances were not appreciated. Overall… It did make me feel better. I still didn’t feel great, but Celestia was a great therapist all things considered.

She didn’t know about how to solve PTSD though; humans couldn’t either so I don’t blame her. She did get me tips on how to at least cope with them, and hit me with a spell so said PTSD wouldn’t make me see things for at least a week. Needless to say… It was a good session.

And Celestia let me use her squishy side-belly as a pillow while she stroked me with her wing. The sheer contrast in how Celestia is right now, to how she was during Nightmare Night, to how gentle she was compared to Luna… “Celestia, why are you so cool?”

“Well, I am magically tied to the sun, so it would be concerning if I was cool.” She said with a playful glint in her eyes.

“You know what I mean!”

“No I do not.”

“You bitch!”

“Thank you!” We started wrestling. Well, until I got pinned, and started panicking. Celestia quickly took note of that and got off me, before lifting me up with her hooves. “I… my apologies, Bob.”

I leaned into the Princess’s arms(or legs? Probably legs). “No, it’s my fault for freaking out. I should trust you more.”

“You trusted Luna, and look what she did to you, Bob. Not to say you put your trust in the wrong pony; not even I would’ve thought that my little sister was capable of doing such a thing to anypony, or anyone for that matter. And no, it is not your fault for simply ‘freaking out’. You’re clearly traumatized,” Celestia nuzzled me, and it felt like I was being held by a very caring mother bear. Unfortunately the feeling ended all too soon when Celestia let me go. “I wish I could stay to comfort you, Bob, but I have a kingdom to run. Do you still wish to speak with Venice?”

“Yeah… and thank you for your time, Celestia. It’ll take a lot to get over… y’know. But you are even attempting to help me… Just thank you.” I hugged Celestia and she froze up. “Cya Celly.”

“I-I,” Celestia cleared her throat. “The last time a pony called me that, it was my lover on his deathbed…” Celestia, before I thought I struck a nerve, actually smiled. “I shall send Venice Arrow your way. Shall we meet again next week?”

“You just want a belly rub.” I chuckled.

“That I do, but this is a good sign, Bob; you’re at least making jokes again.”

“The therapist I had was a damn good therapist.” Celestia leaned in and kissed me on the forehead before teleporting away. I just sat there, actually smiling… despite everything. Gengar even came out of his hiding space to bask in how much better I must be feeling… and tasting. Actually, he was just happy to see me smiling; he rubbed up against me like a cat and even pranced in place. Yes, it was very cute, and I banned him from doing it before he killed me with cuteness.

Then Venice stopped by, and she was all too happy to see me. In fact, she tackled me, before letting off of me pretty quickly. “Bob!” She nuzzled me. “I thought something was off when I couldn’t find you; you weren’t in Twilight’s home yesterday for our weekly tea party!” She continued nuzzling me... God this mare is sweeter than candy. It made me feel... safe. And happy. Also, Venice, stop being cute.

“Oh fuck! That was yesterday?”

“Yeah! So you finally got your own house?”

“Yup!” I noogied the mare for simply being adorable. I couldn’t help but smirk at her as she tried to playfully bat my hand away with a hoof. And fail. “God you’re still cute as hell… Why did you unpin me so quickly?”

“Princess Celestia told me where you were living, and warned me to not pin you down. You… went through something that makes you panic when that happens apparently. Celestia said she was under a spell where she couldn’t disclose what actually happened to you. What… what happened to you?”

“I…” I looked into the mare’s eyes. The sheer amount of concern within them was incredibly touching; they look genuinely terrified for me. Should I? I opened up to Celestia and I’ve known her for far less time than I’ve known Venice. “You know how I made friends with both Princess Luna and Celestia?” Fuck it, I’m making a leap of faith.

“Of course! It was all over the newspaper for a week!”

“The newspaper only updates once a week.”

“Exactly; it was big news!” We both chuckled. “Though what happened? You didn’t make Celestia mad, did you?”

“Oh no, me and Celestia are still friends. Not good friends; it’s hard to spend time with a person who literally runs an entire country almost all on her own. Hell, I wanna hangout with her more. You see, me and Luna had a falling out of sorts. I told the Princesses ‘fuck you’ as a joke in a letter. Celestia obviously knew I was joking and that’s just how humans treat their friends.” I booped Venice on the nose. “And I know you know that since you hangout with me so much. But basically… Luna didn’t take it as a joke and made sure I could ‘buck her’ even when I clearly did not want to do that.”

“...And she’s still in power?”

“Unfortunately. Celly’s at least making sure that Luna can’t come into contact with me, and if we do, it will entirely be for business should the Princesses require me for any reason. Luna also can’t leave Canterlot for a few years, and if she comes near me, I believe I have the right to beat the shit out of her… It just hurts, y’know? I trusted Luna, and she and Celestia clearly trusted me if they felt like they could just act like sisters in public with me present. Then Luna went and broke her trust with me in a way that is nearly unforgivable…”

“Bob! You should’ve told me immediately! We could get you some professional help! I know Cherilee would be more than willing after you’ve helped her teach class a couple of times. And she's a fully trained therapist.”

“Actually, Celestia offered to be my therapist and we had our first session today… It felt good to get my frustrations off my chest about it. I think next week we’ll begin going over ways to help me mentally recover from the ‘Luna Experience’.”

“Good! If you didn’t get help for yourself, I would be very upset with you, young man. You’re my best friend,” accurate; you’re my favorite friend too. “And you do not understand how upset it would make me to see you suffer.”

“You know, I would probably immediately seek help the moment I looked into your eyes, had Celestia not already got me to seek help first. Just for the love of god, do not let Luna anywhere near me.”

“Oh trust me, if Luna gets anywhere near you, I do not care if it counts as treason if I were to buck her right in the teeth!” Venice snarled. It was kinda cute, but I suppose to other ponies it would be threatening. “Nopony, nobody does that to anypony else! And especially not to one of my friends!”

“I… didn’t know you cared so much about me, that you’d actually kick Luna’s shit in for what she’s done.”

“What did I just call you, young man?”

“You sound like my Mom.” Venice smirked before she got up. “You gotta go somewhere?”

“No, but I know foal therapy will help you. So I’m getting Golden Arrow, in your own words, the cutest little thing you’ve laid your eyes upon. I bet he’d love to see you, too!”

“Damn right I would!”

The following weeks, Luna never stopped by in my dreams, and Celestia stopped by once each week to chat, and to give me therapy. It didn’t make me feel happier, but it did make me feel a little better. Golden Arrow made sure I was happy as hell; it’s hard to stay sad when a cute little foal is entirely obsessed with you and wants to play constantly. Not even on the worst days of my life would I deny something as cute as Golden any attention… Then came Hearth’s Warming, which was essentially the Pony’s version of Christmas, but celebrated for a different reason.

Instead of some guy being born, it’s sorta the beginning to how Equestria started, I guess. Where three ponies got stuck in a cave, each descending from each tribe: Pegasus, Unicorn, and Earth and they all hugged for warmth. Of course, the actual story(that everyone seems to deny, but I found in a book) was a lot more bloody and brutal. And something involving some sorta big bad guy that ponies had to face against, which led to them coming together to fuck up said bad guys. Meh, people back home sometimes likes the happier sounding version of what happened versus what actually happened, so I can’t blame ponies for that.

Dunno why they prefer actually false history, but whatever.

Anyways, I sent out all my gifts to my friends ahead of time. Venice got some flowers, Golden got a new addition to the train set I made him oh so long ago. Rarity already got her new and improved sewing machine. I managed to find out who wrote the Daring Do books at some point, and asked for a single print, limited edition set of every existing book in the series. Along with a special little short story involving a certain, cyan pegasus. You can probably guess who that goes to. I honestly didn’t know what to get Fluttershy, so I also got her flowers. Apple Jack got an automatic seed planter that planted seeds as you plowed the field. And Twilight got a calculator. And Pinkie, a recipe for fruit cake that I kinda remembered. Kinda, it wasn’t a very accurate recipe. Also, I sent Ditzy a tray of home baked muffins, because she likes muffins and is also a muffin. I also sent Celestia some fancy wine that I brewed up, and sent Luna a dildo and instructions on how to use it.

Because Luna can go fuck herself.

Now, I haven’t spoken to Twilight or her friends in a hot minute, and it’s also been a bit since I’ve seen Ditzy. I could go out to the play that they were performing, I could go to the Hearth’s Warming Eve party that Pinkie’s hosting. I could, but I didn’t. Hearth’s warming was a time to be spent with family and friends. And while I am their friend, I feel like most of them only really put up with me because I was Twilight’s pet human, not because I was very fun to be around. I mean, who wants to spend time, aside from Twilight, around some nerd that likes building and making things?

I still sent them presents because I consider them friends, but I doubt that went the other way.

So what better to do on Pony Christmas than to sit alone, in front of the fireplace, and contemplate just how alone you actually are. No other humans, ‘nopony’ to hang out with, and your actual family hated you anyways. Even in a world full of people to be friends with, we’re still alone because we cannot truly be ourselves. Like the expression be yourself really just means ‘be yourself… within reason so society doesn’t reject you’. I also don’t think I got an invitation to Pinkie’s part, so I can safely assume that I was mostly just tolerated. So I cracked open some apple flavored rum and took a swig after sitting in front of the fireplace with a bowl of popcorn.

There was nothing to watch; I had no television. I just sat, stared into space, fucked my teeth up with very salty popcorn, and fucked my liver even harder with alcohol.

Nobody even stopped by my house. No letters, nobody coming to just tell me ‘merry Christmas’ or whatever the pony equivalent was. I truly was alone in this world… Well, Gengar was around since changelings apparently don’t celebrate any holidays, and he spent most of the night making sure I didn’t drink too much. And also acted as a cute little lap dog(but as a foal sized-changeling) that I idly stroked while I contemplated my crippling loneliness.

At some point, Luna sent me a letter, saying she’s changed and she wants to amend our friendship… Gengar was all too happy to turn into a dragon and burn that shit.