Desperate Measures

The morning went by so quickly. After the waffles and the homework, they all had an early lunch and separated to do their normal activities.

Kurt, for example, went into his room and closed the door. No one knew exactly what he was doing in there, but it was safe to assume that whatever it was, it was fine. He was neither on drugs nor a sexual deviant, as far as they knew, so there was little cause for alarm, and what cause existed was wholly unfounded.

Jack had gone first to the garage, then bounced back and forth between Jenny's bedroom and his own, carrying a tape measure around and checking things, then shaking his head and frowning. Guin had asked him what was wrong, but he'd barely responded, stating "Just let me think about this for a bit, okay?" She didn't like being left out of the loop, but she was sure he knew what he was doing. She trusted him.

Jenny, meanwhile, had grown upset with having to move every time her dad came in to measure something, so after a few minutes of playing in her room, she and Guin opted to go outside. There wasn't a whole lot to do in the yard, as the grass was mostly dead. There was a severe lack of care in the back yard, not as far as garbage or overgrowth was concerned, but there were some big, heavy trees that blocked out most of the light and rainfall, so what little grass was there wasn't very healthy. Still, it was kept clean and trimmed, just like the front.

After about an hour, though, Jack came out, looking quite upset. "Guin, I need you to come back in, now."

Guin hopped down from the bench swing and returned to the house, where Red Tape and a gryphon guard were waiting. "Is this her?" asked the guard.

"It is," answered Jack. "This is my wife, the filly I'm being accused of molesting."

The guard scowled. "Your wife?"

"That's right."

The guard sighed. "Show me your marriage license."

Red rubbed his hooves together. "This ought to be good..."

Jack turned and went to his bedroom, coming back less than a minute later with the piece of paper that they'd signed at the courthouse. "There's another copy of this, fully signed and dated, at the local clerk's office."

The guard looked it over and nodded. "I don't think we have to administer the test."

"What?!" shouted Red. "She's clearly too young to marry!"

"There's no age restriction on marriage out here, sir," insisted the guard. "I've been entertaining your investigation because you'd claimed that he was molesting his daughter. This is his wife. He's allowed to have intercourse with his wife."

"She's too young!"

"Perhaps, but her caretaker consented to it. This is a legal union. Your authority on this matter has just run out."

Red narrowed his eyes. For several moments, he said nothing, but then, he smiled. "Administer the test, anyway."

The guard turned and scowled. "I just told you, it doesn't matter whether he has or not. They're married. It's fully legal."

"Is it?" asked Red, staring Jack down. "Or is it, in fact, a sham marriage to deceive the courts of Equestria and ignore all due process? I'm opening a new investigation on the matter of familial welfare."

"Why would it matter if he's had sex with his wife if it's a sham marriage?"

"Because if it is a real marriage, they're very likely to be sharing a bed. A sham means that she's probably sleeping in another room."

Guin had no idea what to make of this. She'd slept in another room when she'd first been married, but the last two nights, she'd been staying in Jack's room, sleeping in his bed with him. This was, to her, a real marriage.

As the guard reached for his gloves, Jack placed his hoof on his wrist, stopping him. "If this is a new investigation, you're going to need a new warrant. You're also going to need to report back to your superior. That is, you need to return to Canterlot. I gave you permission to ensure that she hasn't been molested, and now you're sure of that. Now you need a new warrant in order to intrude on us, because I am once again refusing this invasive, barbaric, and unreliable test. You're going to need a fresh warrant because you're not looking for the same thing. File the paperwork or stop harassing us."

The guard pulled back and nodded. "He's right. This warrant has served its purpose. As lead detective, I have determined that he's innocent of child molestation, and we'll need a new warrant to proceed."

"This is ridiculous!" shouted Red. "He's just going to deflower her as soon as we leave!"

"Then I suppose it's useless for you to seek out that warrant," smiled Jack. "I guess you'll just have to accept that our marriage is legally binding. Goodbye."

As Jack ushered the two out the door, with the guard being forced to pull Red out, Guin breathed a sigh of relief, but all of that relief disappeared the moment Jack sat down on the couch, burying his face in his hooves. She immediately rushed to his side, placing a claw on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Jack sighed. "A part of me is glad that the first part of this is over. Having him investigate us was terrible. I wish I'd known that the marriage license would have proved my innocence earlier, but when it did, I thought, "finally, we can return to living our lives." I was not expecting him to accuse us of cheating the system."

"We'll just prove that we didn't," answered Guin, smiling. "We'd never cheat."

"But we did," answered Jack. "I married you so that you wouldn't end up lost in the system, buffeted around by paperwork and bureaucracy. I wanted you to recover as soon as possible and begin the process of healing. I wanted to help you. He wants to prove that our marriage is a sham. I'm scared, because our marriage is indeed a sham."

Guin rubbed his shoulder. "So, how do we make it not a sham?"

"I don't know..." sighed Jack. "Do you really want to be married to me until you turn eighteen?"

Guin's rubbing turned into a hug. "I don't know. But if he has his way, it sounds like I'll be spending the next six years in foster care, jumping from place to place, and likely not going to the same facilities as Jenny and Kurt. I don't know if I want to be married, but I know for a fact that I don't want to split us all up and never see any of you again..."