Perhaps

by Schizoid Nightfall

Peace

Previous Chapter

Here it is, guys. The LAST chapter!!! I want to thank the 16 people who have already favorited this story (as of the uploading of this chapter), and the support I've gotten in my first ever story :D It's been an amazing journey, and you've all been a part of it.

Chapter 7: Peace

She was buried outside Ponyville, near her fillyhood home. Her marker lay under an old apple tree in a meadow close to the Apple family’s farm. I asked for that much on her behalf; it’s what she would have wanted. It took years for me to be able to face her gravestone after that. How stupid was I that it took me this long to realize that I loved her?! I’ve never stopped asking myself that question, and I don’t think I ever will.

It took me over a year to start visiting her. The memories were too painful; it was always too soon to face them. When I did, it was easier than I expected, but it was still hard. After Rainbow moved out, I fell downhill fast. I began writing to pay the bills, got some books published. Life became bearable, but terrifying. I was scared of love; it didn’t exactly work out for me the first time. My daughters were amazing.

Were…

There was always a reason for me not to visit Ponyville. All of them boiled down to memories of what the ponies put me through. All of them tried to make up after Surprise died. They said they were sorry for what had happened, that they hadn’t realized what was going on. I told them not to apologize, that I had deserved every bit of it. They refused to budge, and I eventually caved.

I made friends, put on a smile, occasionally went for drinks and salt with some guys from work. They all said it was good for me; I wanted to believe them. After about a year, I started going to see her every few weeks. It felt good to talk, to pretend she could hear me. It gave me comfort.

The last time I went there, I sat in front of her marker and ate lunch, pretending she was still here. I talked for both of us, her voice in my head providing the conversation.

“So, Rainbow’s all grown up now. She’s made her own friends.”

That’s nice. How involved are you with her?

“Almost not at all. She’s on her own; she doesn’t need me anymore.”

But you still need her, don’t you?

“Of course,” I said through my tears. “She’s all I have left. The others have forgotten me, and—” I couldn’t bring myself to finish my thought. She finished it for me.

The girls, right?

“Why?” I asked myself. “WHY?!?! First you, now them! It’s not fair, Surprise…I hate myself. I was a horrible father, and a worse friend.”

That’s not true, Light. You were an incredible father. Their time just came early is all.

I was crying so hard I could barely breathe. Why couldn’t I keep them out of my head? This always happened whenever I was here. I always went back to that morning, when I found her. I always remembered holding her in my arms, trying to wake her up.

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I never heard her voice again, except in my head. I sat there, crying, for hours; it was dark when I looked back up. When I saw the fillies staring at me, I lost what color might have been left in my face as I realized that they were mine. So that’s why she was so desperate to get in touch with me…she was pregnant.

I saw so much of them in me. They looked so much like her, and yet different enough for me to be able to watch them for a few minutes. I fell in love with them right away, and became determined to care for them as much as possible.

After I brought them home, Rainbow embraced them fully. She became the best big sister ever, trying to make them laugh as hard as I had her. I let her name the smaller of the two; she named the filly Scootaloo. I named the bigger one Slipstream…well, Rainbow insisted that we stick to the insane tradition of their names having the same first letter, as they were twins.

A few months passed with little incident. Rainbow got faster, finally flying by me. I started trying to teach the babies to fly, with little more than slightly more hilarious walking the only result. After a time, Slipstream finally got off the ground with some stability, and quickly started excelling. She was flying within a couple months, and Scootaloo wasn’t far behind.

Soon, Rainbow moved out. She started working at the weather factory, and got her own place near mine. The girls were sad to see her go (so was I), but we all knew it was for the best. She needed to spread her wings, so to speak, and wanted room to do so. I didn’t smother her, but she felt the need to feel free to do anything she wanted. I understood, and told her to visit as often as she needed. She promised she would, and kept it. She managed to come by at least once a week, and we would catch up. She would always stay for a few hours just playing with the fillies. They still loved her as much as anypony would.

One day, Scootaloo, Slip, Rainbow, and I were out in the country, near Sweet Apple Acres, practicing flying. Rainbow had her heart set on the Wonderbolts, a dream I supported whole-heartedly. Would it happen? Probably not, but it’s not my place to put others down for their dreams. I was content just being a good flyer, and trying to help my daughters get to that point, as well.

I was teaching the girls a new trick, something I thought was well within their abilities. As Slip went into the dive at the end of it, Scootaloo got in her way. I was looking the other way and never heard them collide. I looked just in time to see them hit the ground.

The next day, at the hospital, the doctor found me and offered his condolences. I knew then that the news would kill me.

Slip was dead; the crash had cracked her spine and crushed her skull. Scoots was alive, but her memory was gone, and she would never fly again. The world collapsed around me; I heard nothing. I blamed myself for looking the other way, for not being there for them. I didn’t understand why this had to happen to them. I was supposed to be there to protect them, and I’d failed at my only job as a father. When he asked if I wanted to see Scoots, I said yes. When I went in, my heart both broke and lifted up.

“Hi,” she said. “Who are you? Do you know my name?”

“Hi. I’m a friend of your daddy’s,” I lied. I couldn’t bring myself to admit that I was the pony who had allowed this to happen. “My name’s Lightning, and yours is Scootaloo.”

“Scootaloo?” she asked. “That’s a weird name.”

“Yeah, it is. Your daddy’s sister named you that. She thought it was a nice name.”

“Okay. So…where is my dad?”

This was the question I’d been dreading.

“He’s, uh, not here anymore. I wanted to see you one more time before they took you to a new home where you’ll get to make lots of new friends.”

“Cool!” She was smiling now. I had to force myself to smile back.

“Well, I have to go now. It was nice to see you again, Scootaloo.”

“Bye, Lightning!!”

I left and found the doctor; he’d heard everything. But, he was also there the day I lost Surprise, so he understood why I reacted the way I did. He knew that I was afraid of what she’d think of me, even though he may not agree. I signed off with the orphanage to officially give her up for adoption. I made it a point to tell them that it wasn’t because she couldn’t fly; it was because I was too emotionally fragile to handle a kid, but they used the phrase “personal reasons” to describe that situation.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Runner,” the lady said. “We get cases like this all the time. I understand what you’re going through, and I think it’s very brave of you to recognize how unbalanced you are right now.”

I didn’t say anything; I just nodded. It seemed the right thing to do at the time. She went into Scootaloo’s room and had her get ready; a few minutes later, they were leaving. Scoots turned back and waved at me. I waved back, knowing it might be the last time I ever saw her. I returned home and left a note for Rainbow. She would know where to find me.

I looked out over Ponyville; so little had changed in the past 8 years. The town looked basically the same, yet so profoundly different. Rainbow Dash was now a major player in the weather team when she showed up for work. I had seen my daughter, Scootaloo, grow into her own, finding a unique use for her wings as propellers on her scooter. I always laughed when I saw that little trick; I never saw that stroke of genius coming from my family. I watched as Rainbow found new friends, finally fitting in with a group of ponies.

I visited Surprise weekly, always talking, wishing she could listen back. I accepted her death years ago, Slipstream was buried right next to her, and I now talked to both of them. I still missed my daughter, wishing I could face Scoots and tell her the truth about them, about us. I said goodbye and flew up to a cloud a few thousand feet up.

From there, I decided to try one last trick: one that I hoped would finally wake me up. I jumped off the cloud and immediately went into a dive. I felt the wind blowing past my face and through my mane for the first time in years. It was exhilarating.

I felt free for the first time in a long time.

I knew the ground was rushing up fast, but kept my wings clamped.

I heard a voice scream my name just before I hit the ground.

I landed next to them. The last thing I saw was my sister flying toward me at top speed, tears in her eyes, screaming my name.

The world went dark for the last time. I was finally at peace.