Kind Hands

I wasn’t really aware of anything until I felt a load of water be thrown into my face, hopefully washing off all the gunk that inhabited it. My eyes stung from the sudden intrusion, but I knew that it was for the best. It wasn’t the worst pain I’d felt in the last few minutes.

Soon, I felt another wave of water bless my skin, then another, then another. The splashes they created were the only sound that I registered; if anyone was speaking, I wasn’t able to hear it.

With time, I found the strength to sit up and glance around the area. Thankfully, the only Stymphalian birds around had already taken their final breaths and were…hastily being collected by Fairfeather. Alright. Why not just suck up the blood while you’re at it, mate?

I only continued to watch him because I could feel my saviour glaring daggers at me. It was with some effort that I eventually turned to face the pouting pony and caught a glimpse of the stern disapproval that was etched onto her face. Twilight had come in my hour of need- and she wasn’t impressed. “What…in Celestia’s name are you doing?”

You know, I’d been through a fair-few low points with my purple companion, but it had never felt like this. With the look on her face and the almost bewildered tone of her voice, it was the first time that I’d felt like I’d let her down.

Hanging my head in shame, I quietly replied with a worthless, “I’m continuing the mission. Celestia’s orders.” I knew that this comment wasn’t going to help. This felt like one of those moments where you look down at your hands and question what ‘greater good’ you’re fighting for.

“I’m…going to send Princess Celestia some letters about this. This is so disgusting…you shouldn’t be doing things like this; this isn’t what ponies are supposed to do.”

I watched as Twilight gave a quick scan of the area before returning her glare back to me. She refused to offer another comment, perhaps at a loss for words, and I knew that she was soon to demand a better explanation. I just couldn’t give her one.

“…You’re mad at me, aren’t you?”

Still sat down, I brought my knees up to my chest and stared down at the floor. Approaching hoofbeats and an eventual hoof cupping my chin brought my attention back to Twilight as she looked down at me with a mixture of resentment and abject sorrow.

“The only thing you promised to me…you said you weren’t going to get hurt!”

I allowed my head to rest on her hoof as I sighed deeply. “I said that I’d try-”

“-And that was you trying?!”

“Do you think I want to die in this place?!” I shouted back at the mare while getting back to my feet. This time, she was forced to look up at me, and found difficulty doing so. I felt some shame in this, and I worked hard to prevent any more emotion entering the conversation. “Don’t fuck me about like this.”

But then it hit me. All of it did. The puncture wounds, the mental anguish…the smell of blood in the air. No sooner had I caused Twilight to wilt did I require her strength again. My throat began to burn as I let out a serious of painful sobs as my legs gave out. “I want to go home. I don’t want to do this.”

Twilight did well to support my weight, and I soon felt her wrap around me. “I guess this isn’t the grand adventure you thought it’d be,” she softly commented while swaying slightly on the spot. It did well to calm me down.

It was in this embrace that I allowed myself to be rocked back-and-forth. I found some comfort in rubbing my cheeks against the mare’s soft fur while I got myself under control. The mare’s movement was calming and took even more strength from my weary bones. In my moment of need, Twilight brought a feeling that I had been without for some time.

I was so thankful for her.

In a sudden surge of strength, I pushed away from Twilight’s grasp and stared into her eyes. They inferred little- maybe light surprise- so I centred my gaze on the mare’s lips. They looked soft and slightly pudgy whenever they parted to allow air to pass through them.

I did nothing but take in the sight of them, head spinning, until Fairfeather mercifully spoke up. “…The Stymphalian birds flew a good ways to the north. They’re hurting, so with a bit of luck, we can end this now,” he offered, seemingly having collected his ‘prizes’. “Isn’t it better to do this now and not need to come back?”

Internally, I agreed with him; I would’ve happily drowned in the murky water around me if it meant that I’d never have to see it again. All it took was one cursory glance in Twilight’s direction, however, to realise that she wasn’t quite on Fairfeather and I’s wavelength.

“I don’t know what authority you have, but there’s no way I’m sending my-”

But I always had a good way of stopping Twilight whenever she got going. It took only a moment to lift her forelegs off the floor and shimmy her waist until she was looking up at me. From there, it was far too easy for me to grab at her cheeks as I gently rubbed my knuckles into the soft surface that greeted me.

“When you’re stood like this, you don’t even look like a horse,” I stated to Twilight, whose face instantly began to redden. I continued gyrating my knuckles with a chuckle, unable to stop myself from smiling.

“I…” Twilight began, but she had already softened, and she didn’t get any further than that.

“Fairfeather is right, hun; let’s just do this thing. Maybe you can help us out.”

Fairfeather agreed with this offering his own comment of, “Like I said, they’re running scared. No better time to get ‘em than right now.” He pointed in the direction that the birds must’ve flown off to, and I was more interested in getting this done.

“I…” Twilight continued from where she left off before trying her hardest to look serious. “No…no! You’re coming back with me. This isn’t good for you!”

She looked so cute when she frowned. I didn’t see it a lot, but the sight of her trying to keep a straight face while her cheeks were being squeezed almost made this journey worth it. It also presented me with a chance to calm the mare down, and this was an opportunity that would be wise to take.

“You want me to defy the princess’ orders?”

Twilight sighed as she attempted to break free from my grasp. “You only call her a princess when it benefits you…” she mumbled while I grabbed her tighter. “Fine- but I’m coming with you.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, madam.”

Having made our arrangement, I allowed Twilight to have her freedom back. She did little to occupy the empty space and instead looked back at me with an expression that suggested that she really wanted to say something.

“And you’re doing that to my cheeks again when we get back,” the mare quietly announced to the floor as she turned to leave, giving her tail a few swishes for good measure.

Whatever she was feeling, she moved off at a good enough pace. I looked to Fairfeather, who signalled that we should follow her, and off we went.

“You have a habit of being saved by ponies, human-man.”

Twilight must’ve been well-versed with this forest, or maybe she was just good with directions. Without missing a beat, she navigated us through every dark corner and fork-in-the-road. I knew that she lived close by, but did that really warrant such a level of familiarity?

She finally stopped when there was no more path to follow. Instead, we found ourselves at the top of a valley of sorts, although I’m not sure if bottomless chasms and foreboding pits of fog are typically part of your local valley.

Amidst the monotony of overgrown trees, decay and the lust for death was a set of broken buildings, way off in the distance. I only mention this because Twilight seemed to be highly focused on them.

And after a little bit of staring, she seemed to have worked everything out. “Fairfeather,” she boldly announced, focused on the valley ahead. “I require the human for other matters. Can I trust you to deal with the rest of the Stymphalian birds?”

Confused, I wearily looked over to Fairfeather. His face was neutral, and he gave a single salute to the sky before moving over to Twilight. He appeared to whisper something in the mare’s ear before taking off. If it were any other time, I may have been interested in what he had said.

Wow. And then there were two. “That wasn’t something I’ve heard you do before,” I remarked to Twilight as she brought herself back down from her pedestal.

The mare let out an uneasy chuckle. “I don’t really like doing it…”

I wasn’t going to bother trying to unravel the mind of Miss Sparkle today, although I did have a few things to say. “Thanks for saving me again, Twilight- in a more literal sense this time, I suppose.”

This time, it was Twilight’s turn to be touchy as she leaned over towards me and grabbed my torso. “Well…you can thank me by holding me again…uh, if you’re not too hurt.”

How brave. I would never be able to turn down a request like that, and soon Twilight was back on her hind legs. She gleefully occupied her previous position, and she was soon humming away as I gave her face some attention.

I would’ve chosen a better location to do something like this, but Twilight seemed very relaxed. I suppose I was too; her body was very enjoyable to hold onto.

So much so, that it hurt to break the silence between us, but I couldn’t help but think that I was forgetting something. “Twilight, how did you find me?”

For the longest time, Twilight gave no answer- only a few contented hums as we continued to sway in unison. This was a far-cry compared to the flighty little thing I’d first met in Ponyville. It took her a long while to reply to me, and even then, she dropped an unnecessarily nonchalant, “I followed you.”

“…So, you didn’t trust me in the end?”

“You must feel so lucky that I didn’t…”

Calmness personified, this one. I could barely hear what she was saying; it sounded like she was falling asleep, and I didn’t feel like I was too far behind her.

“Maybe we could lie here for a little while…” I mumbled to myself as my eyes grew heavier. It may have appeared to be a suggestion, but I’d long-since decided on doing it.

Well, I had decided on it. But then…

“Wait, who’s looking after the kids?”

Shit. Oh fuck. No, no, no, no- Twilight must’ve had a plan, right? Surely. Somehow.

“I already thought of that,” Twilight thankfully replied, pushing away from me and brushing herself off. “I put a spell on them that should keep them asleep until we get back.”

Well that sounded…unethical. I mean, I trusted Twilight…somewhat, but if this went wrong then we’d have quite a few things to discuss.

“You trying to say that you sedated them?”

“No, that’s not true. They’re just…asleep…for a long time.”

“…I’m going home.”

In the back of my mind, I’d noticed a pattern where I could never leave somewhere just because I wanted to. Still, I liked making Twilight think about her actions, so I turned around and waited for the mare to jump in front of me.

“Ok, ok, ok! Look, you said that you’d be back by sunrise, right?”

“No, I said I’d be back by the morning.”

“So, the spell wears off at sunrise! Super smart, huh?”

I couldn’t tell if Twilight was desperately trying to cover up her own mistake, or if she was genuinely convinced that she’d done the right thing. I assumed the latter, and either way I wasn’t impressed. I couldn’t believe that I’d need to explain to her that drugging children was wrong, but here we are.

“Twilight, did you listen to what I said?”

“What?”

The night was clearly getting to us- and Twilight seemed hellbent on making the most of it, so I wearily gave her the green light. “Let’s just do this…what are we doing?”

“We’re going to a little castle not too far from here.”

She pointed to the castle in question, which I’d barely noticed until now. It was that little grey rectangle way off in the distance. More walking. Great. “Is this necessary? We’re going so far away, and I want my bed again.”

Twilight, unfortunately, was not to be perturbed. “Oh, hush,” she fired back at me, as if I was the one being unreasonable here. “There’s something I want to try with you.”

It was unfortunate that I was so easily persuaded. Even when faced with the choice of going back to see the girls, I was unable to turn down Twilight’s offer of ‘trying something’. All I knew was that the night had been going on for some time, and I was ready to drop to the floor at the drop of a hat.

But maybe visiting this castle was actually worth the walk this time, although there didn’t seem to be much left of it. Even for my fatigued mind, it was impossible for me to do anything other than gaze at these old stone walls and imagine what on Earth could’ve happened in this place. Sure, moss and invasive plant-life had overtaken the foundations now, but what a history this place must’ve had.

As to be expected, given that this castle was in the middle of an abandoned forest, it looked particularly worse-for-wear; I doubt it even had a roof anymore. It looked dark- ominous, even- just the old outline of something that once was special. There must’ve been something worth looking for in there.

“The Castle of the Two Sisters: once one of the most important places in Equestria,” Twilight explained, stood at the castle’s entrance. With a wave, she beckoned me to follow her inside as she continued her exposition.

“But that’s in the past. What was once the home to some of Equestria’s most powerful magic now lies in ruins, swallowed whole by the Everfree Forest…I guess even walls like these couldn’t escape being consumed by the shadows around them.”

Her voice dropped off as she continued, mimicking the way that her body seemed to have also lost its vigour. “This place means a lot to you?” I half-asked her, unsure of what to say, but Twilight turned back to me with a shake of the head and a smile.

“It’s in the past,” she reaffirmed, sounding sincere in her rebuttal. “And we didn’t come here for that anyway. We’re looking for some books.”

Studying at 4am? This was the uni life. “Books? Right now?” I asked Twilight, who responded with an enthusiastic nod. “Couldn’t we have waited until the morning and got them from…your library?”

I stopped for a second to yawn, closing my eyes as I fought the urge to sleep. By the time I opened them, Twilight had disappeared through a random doorway; I could only make out where she’d gone because of the glow from her horn.

I followed the light until I came to see the castle’s library- well, its remains at least. Similar to the rest of this place, much of it had fallen to decay, with largely empty bookshelves and cracked stone lining the outer perimeter. This library would likely have been impressive back in its day, but now it was little more than a large room full of dust.

And off to the left, scouring the only full bookshelf in the castle, was Twilight. “I was thinking,” she began, not even looking to see if I approached her. “Maybe you needed a little more protection if the princess keeps making you do these things.”

“What do you mean exactly?” I tentatively asked before being cut off by the alicorn.

“Summon your bow.”

I wordlessly did as I was told, and Twilight watched as the weapon appeared in my fingers. “Look at what you can already do,” she continued. “Your bow doesn’t have a physical form; you made that happen. That’s not an easy spell for somepony to learn.”

I feel like there are times in life when someone says something that makes no sense to you- but you kind of feel inclined to believe them anyway. I looked down at the bow in my hands and wished it away. Blaming this all on tiredness, I had nothing to really say about it. I really should’ve been able to play devil’s advocate better than this.

But we’ve been here before with all the nonsense. I get told something that so illogical that in some idiotic way it might even be plausible. Nothing in this world makes sense, so if I’m told something that dramatically goes against everything that I’ve ever understood and stood for, then it may well be this new definition of ‘reality’.

“Twilight, humans can’t do magic.”

With this weak response, I squatted down for a moment, getting on Twilight’s level before falling backwards onto my arse. I felt Twilight prop me back up a little bit while she continued her explanation.

“Maybe not in your world, but think about what you were holding in your hands. Some unicorns study magic for years and can’t make things appear out of thin air. That’s magic- you have the capacity for learning magic!”

As she reached this conclusion, she spun herself around me so that she could look into my eyes. Even with her face inches from mine again, I couldn’t help but focus on the message her body was sending: her tail swished, her body lightly yet vigorously trembled- she was practically foaming at the mouth due to her revelation.

“Look, I found some spell books; some for experts, some for beginners. I’m guessing that you learned that summon spell from the princess? Then, my guess is that the spell you learned is centuries old, much like the spells in these books.”

Clearly, the little alicorn was operating on wishful thinking. She had decided to close her eyes for this part of her explanation, forbidding me the joy of watching her eyes sparkle with excitement. It made me want to hold her even tighter.

No, I wasn’t paying much attention to what she was saying.

“We can start off slow to see what you can learn, and then we can go from there. Just think: my own student!”

I felt myself stumble again as Twilight broke away from me to do a small pirouette. I could only hope that the world inside her head was a lot better lit than this one. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that, Twilight. Maybe the ‘spell’ I know is just something from the princesses only,” I maintained, just to dangle the prospect of a way out in front of my face.

After this response, I looked down at my hands once more, wondering if there was indeed some magic potential beyond all the bloodied puncture wounds. I remember that something clicked in my mind when I touched that bow for the first time…but were the princesses being more generous than they let on?

I tell you, I was nearly given the shock of my life when Twilight suddenly appeared in my vision, having wriggled her way between my arms to look me dead in the eyes. “You won’t even try with me?”

Now that she was forcibly in my vision, she set about to create the most heartbroken expression that any soul, from this world or the next, could conjure up. With a fragile pout and eyes so wide they looked as if they were about to consume the rest of her face, her expression confirmed to me that I have no ability to turn down women.

So…the inevitable happened.

“I didn’t say ‘no’… Fine, we’ll do it. After a good night’s sleep.”

A pair of forelegs were wrapped around me in an instant. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Twilight delightfully exclaimed, kicking herself off the floor and hanging from my neck.

It was nice to see her like this, especially given how she was only a little while ago. It made her attempt at sounding assertive all the more entertaining. “You’d better be a good student- because you’re not going out again without some form of protection.”

I couldn’t stop looking at her while she said that. The playful expression on her face, the way that she tried to hold back a smile…even the way that the excess dirt clung to parts of her fur. It was all so effortless- so endearing and honest.

If she was a human, I’d kiss her.

“What’s wrong?” she suddenly asked me, looking up at me with concern. I gave my eyes a couple of quick blinks to confirm my suspicion that my eyes had begun to water. I’ll blame it on the night.

In all honesty, I was nervously excited to find out whether I could do this magic stuff after all, but it was obvious that my mind had unravelled enough. “It’s much past your bedtime,” Twilight confirmed to me. “Let’s go home.”

If even Twilight was turning down the opportunity to spend more time in my personal space, then I knew it was time to call it quits. I let her lead the way as she took both of us outside in silence, and I hoped to whatever was watching over me that this would be the end of all the violence for a little while.

Naturally, there was still a bit of travelling that we had to do in order to get out of the Everfree. Just moving back through it reminded me of what I’d done just a few hours ago, so I didn’t have much to say throughout my walk of shame.

“I know that tonight was…bad for you,” Twilight began, perhaps being able to read my body language. “A-and we don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to. But look on the bright side: that’s one less task to do for the princesses, right?”

I admired her optimism. Even in this overgrown mess of a forest- so dense that even light couldn’t escape it- she never failed to light up the area around her. I wish I could show her the same energy.

“Yeah: two out of…what- a thousand? It doesn’t fill me with much hope.”

As I let out a sigh, I felt Twilight lean against me as we continued to walk. “So, what gives you that hope?” she quietly asked me. I looked down to see a curious pair of eyes looking back; they demanded an answer.

“…The little ones, I guess. I don’t know really; I’ve kinda been running on autopilot for a while. They’re kind of the only things that remind me who I am- what I’m fighting for. If it weren’t for them, I’d have lost my mind about 10 minutes after I came to this place. I really need to thank them for it.”

I looked down at Twilight as I spoke, and I watched a knowing smile form on her face. “I’m sure they’re very grateful for what you’ve done,” she responded, voice still soft and harmless. “And I don’t think they’d survive without you either. You’re their whole world.”

It hurt to hear things like that. Whatever final plan the princesses may have, it was clear to me that the little ones shouldn’t have had any part in it. I hated myself for being thankful that they had been stolen from their home in the same way that I was.

“It wasn’t always like that, but I’m glad it’s that way now. Although, I know that relationships can be fragile.”

Another feeling of wetness in my eyes confirmed to me that I was saying the wrong things again. Twilight must’ve felt this also: her curiosity had turned to concern as she offered her opinion on the matter.

“Don’t say that. They love you just as much as you love them. Nopony forgets a bond like that- and I’m sure humans don’t either.”

There was likely a multitude of ways to respond to a comment like that, but I couldn’t find it in me to keep the conversation going. It felt like my mind and my mouth were having separate conversations, so I silently focused on the trees that lay either side of Twilight and I, and how they seemed to have thinned out, offering glimpses of the outside world again.

“So…what were they like?”

This question made me jump for whatever reason. The force of my jolt pushed Twilight away from me, as I felt her momentary absence until a hoof reconnect itself with my thigh. “Your foals- when you first met them. What were they like?”

It’d been a while since I fondly looked back on my earlier days as a student teacher. Truth be told, and maybe ironically, learning about education isn’t particularly enjoyable, so there was never much to get misty-eyed about. Apart from the kids.

“Well, I don’t think that either of us were particularly comfortable with each other at first.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was my first time…doing that stuff- being with the little ones and I was nervous as hell. You know me- you’ve seen me: you know that I’m not the best at making good first impressions, or really leaving an impression at all.”

I waited for Twilight to respond, but a quick glance suggested that she was happier to listen along, so I continued.

“Look, it wasn’t like I was some sort of boogeyman or the Pied Piper; children have always come to find me eventually- wherever I went. But I was a new guy in a new place and I think people can sense when you don’t feel like you belong- whatever their age is.”

“But your foals were different?”

“Oh-ho, no! You know Eva by now. She doesn’t like new people getting too close. And Eve…”

“She wasn’t your best friend right out of the gate?”

Reminiscing on the past so vividly invigorated me. There was a comforting quality to talking about something old to someone new, and I suspect that the discussion reminded me that those familiar faces were waiting for me when I got back. I wondered if Eve would be pissed off again…

“Oh, Eve fucking hated me! Whenever she came into nursery and saw me there, she’d give me the filthiest look. I’ve no idea why. Maybe she thought I was taking her sister away from her? I don’t know.”

“So, what changed?”

“I have no idea. One day she came in and threw herself at me. To this day, she’s still stuck there. She’s full of shit though- she’d never say that she didn’t like me at first…”

The forest around Twilight and I grew thinner as we continued our trek, signalling that we had made it through the worst of it. It was a good thing too, given that the sky above us had recently started to lighten in anticipation of an imminent sunrise.

Even so, Twilight continued to listen to me, showing no signs of any desire to intervene. She was here to watch me pour my heart out, so I kept on going with it.

“I guess it just took time to develop their trust. I’ll always remember the first time the two of them sat with me after snack time. Everything washed away when they both clicked at the same time; my only regret was that my lap wasn’t big enough to support the two of them. Some kids just yearn for that physical closeness- some sort of affection in such an obvious way. Obviously not in strange way…it’s another way of saying ‘I trust you and I want you to know that I trust you’, even if they can’t really put those thoughts together at that age.”

I’d been talking for a little while now…and maybe rambling to some extent, but Twilight still didn’t want to interrupt my thinking. “You haven’t said anything for a while, hun,” I commented to her, ruffling her mane while she carried on with her gazing.

“It’s just so nice to hear you talking like this,” the mare explained after a short pause. “Normally, you’re so angry and negative- like you think that there are ponies in the shadows ready to jump out at you. The world isn’t like that; I promise you.”

She stopped in her tracks to grab onto me while she spoke. It was clear that she wanted these words to stick, so I returned the gesture. “Thank you, Twilight,” I whispered, my voice withered down by some combination of emotion and fatigue. “Maybe the world is made of more than just monsters.”

The two of us stayed like this for a little while. In truth, I would’ve liked to have stayed in the mare’s embrace for longer, but a creeping of fresh sunlight up the path before us reminded me that there were other places that I needed to be.

This discovery was felt by Twilight as well. With a simple, “Come on,” she pulled me along at an increased pace until we had left the Everfree behind.

By the time we’d made it back to Twilight’s castle, I was already too far gone. If anybody was insane enough to be awake at such an hour, they would’ve been treated to a scene of Twilight doing her best to pull open the castle door in opposition to me leaning against it for support.

But once that cursed door was finally open, the cold crystal of Twilight’s castle had never felt warmer. It had been a place of relative safety for me before, but now falling to floor was like falling into bed. Still, an inspection of the local architecture wasn’t what I was there for, so I dragged myself away to find my people-of-interest.

And they were exactly where I expected them to be. There in the familiar library, I was greeted by a room that had the same layout as last time; at least the little ones were on the same bed as before, which would thankfully give me a larger space to crawl into than before.

As I approached the bed, I took a moment to look at the pair as they slept. It was enviable to see how at-peace they were, safe in each other’s arms. I’d never really seen them like this, so to know that they even when given a larger space, they still ended up next to each other was comforting.

It also reminded me that I was about to die from exhaustion, so I slumped into my side of the bed with gusto. I was covered in God-knows-what and must’ve stank up the entire room, but who cares? Twilight would do the laundry afterwards, I’m sure. Tenho certeza.

Actually, I hadn’t even given a thought to what she’d done today. She’d been through just as much as me, and she still had the care and energy to think of a plan to help me out. I’d have to take her out somewhere nice; gestures like this shouldn’t go unnoticed.

I gave a quick glance over my shoulder to see that Twilight had already gotten herself cozy in a bed of her own. I couldn’t contain my smile as she gave me a gentle wave before turning out the lights in the library.

Even in this dim light, I turned back to the girls as they seemed unperturbed by my intrusion, their little chests rising and falling at a slowed, steady rate. I wasn’t sure if that spell that Twilight had mentioned had worn off yet- or if it had even existed in the first place- yet I hoped that the slumber that they had entered had been by their own volition.

It was funny: on one side were the girls, and on the other was Twilight. Two different groups that gave my both hope and concern for their respective futures. What made me laugh was that I was never able to sleep on my back, so in the end I needed to roll over to meet one of them.

In that moment of confliction, I felt a stronger urge to reach out to one of the little ones: to hold one of their hands or engage in a group hug. Nonetheless, a combination of my own fatigue and a sense of common decency made my arm fall during its journey, and I had no intention of raising it for a decent while.

I guess I’d earned this sleep.