Kind Hands

The day had been long for all of us; any time I came to the conclusion that a day was coming to an end, a sunset always accompanied my assertion. I would’ve felt proud of this talent, but pathetic fallacy isn’t quite as impactful when you have somebody controlling the weather, apparently.

Even so, we were running out of daylight, so Twilight’s castle was soon to be within reach. My little gang had grown listless, so the only thing left to do would be to get past Spike the doorman.

Oh yeah, Spike was stood in front of the entrance for whatever reason. From his crossed arms and focused expression, it was clear that this dragon was not to be messed with- if he wasn’t about a foot tall.

“What’s up my guy? You enjoying the evening or have you just forgotten your keys?” I greeted Spike, who visibly flinched from my intrusion. It was if he didn’t see me coming.

This theory became more tangible as the little dragon turned himself towards the door and began to slap himself in the face. He seemed to mumble some kind of motivational speech to himself, daftly flexing his arms before deciding to face me once again.

I expected him to say something once the two of us made eye contact again. Unfortunately, Spike didn’t seem to be up for it; it was far too easy to watch the dragon suck in a deep, confidence-boosting gulp of air, just to suddenly speak up and witness the poor lad having to start the whole process again. “If you’re all good with waiting on the doorstep, I’m going to go inside now.”

“Wait!” Spike belted out almost immediately, forcing both of his arms out in front of him. “Tw-Twilight asked me to keep watch on this door…”

“Thanks for telling me that-”

“-And…and she needs more time!”

I had no idea as to why he sounded so urgent, but the way he thrusted his arms out was somewhat concerning. Twilight’s influence must’ve rubbed off on the little dragon, as the startled look on his face suggested that he was worth hearing out.

“For…” I prompted, doing my best not to look impatient.

“For…for…for something!”

I clumsily moved Eva’s sleeping form around my shoulders while crouching down to get somewhat near Spike’s eye-level. “Is there history of anxiety disorders in the family?” I asked my short friend, who did his best not to recoil away from me. I admit that watching him do this over-and-over again was beginning to lose its lustre.

“I’m not that scary, kiddo. See the soft fingers; see the tired eyes; see the…little girl surgically attached to my neck? I’m not out to get you.”

I struggled to stay down at Spike’s level for a variety of reasons that should all be apparent. As a result, when my attention was inevitably shifted away from the confrontation, Eve sought to take centre stage in my absence.

“You’re being scary,” the stern-faced soul informed me with a poke on my leg. Giving me a look of determination, she turned to Spike and began a slightly rehearsed-sounding introduction. “Good afternoon. My name is Eve. What’s your name?”

Now, I would’ve thought that this was the easiest question that you could ever be asked. Eve must’ve thought the same, as Spike’s continued silence made her stomp her foot in frustration. “Give me your hand,” she demanded of the dragon, roughly yanking the poor boy’s arm away from his side. “You shake it.”

Being given such a clear set of instructions, it continued to be surprising that Spike was still yet to make a move. Maybe his height had something to do with it, as even Eve practically towered over the little bugger. “…I’m Spike,” he eventually relented, slowly engaging in a minute handshake.

Only for a second, mind you- as Eve soon relinquished her grip amidst a growing restlessness. “I knew that,” she casually informed all of us before focusing on me once more. “Let’s go inside.”

“No- wait!” Spike reaffirmed, doing his best to dig Eve from out of the doorframe. This was clearly a losing fight for him, but his commitment to the cause was commendable, so I offered him some consolation.

“Spike you’re not going to get very far with us here; I’ve got cargo, and she’s got no patience. Unless Twilight’s doing something wildly illegal in there, I think we’ll be fine.”

“But she’s not ready yet-!”

It was obvious that Spike’s resistance was doomed to be futile, but I could appreciate his loyalty to keeping Twilight locked away. Eve showed less compassion for the sod; with an impatient “Come on,”, she dragged him by the arm into the castle.

“I hope I bought you some time, Twilight…”

Eve had already scampered out of my sight, but I could hear her pattering cease quickly after travelling through the castle’s entrance. Naturally, I found this rather intriguing, so I followed shortly after her to see what the fuss was about.

And it was certainly something. Lining the main hallway of the castle were several rows of balloons and banners, all mismatched in terms of colour and theming and arranged in a hurried way. Some were held in clusters while others had large spaces between them. I’m fairly sure that one or two of the balloons had already headed off towards the ceiling.

My focus on the space above me had caused me to miss the key feature of the place: in the middle of the room was a small table with a snow-white cloth draped over the top of it. More importantly, a decently sized cake rested atop it all; whether it displayed any writing or not, I couldn't discern from where I was.

And amidst all of these decorations was Twilight herself. For whatever reason, I found her perched atop a large ladder, the mare having chosen to forgo both her wings and her horn for this activity. I could only have imagined how much turmoil she’d already put herself through, provided that this work was hers alone.

I had wanted to stay silent and allow Twilight more time to work. Sadly, the door slammed shut behind me and caused the mare to wearily glance at her visitors. Once she’d made eye contact with me, I didn’t even have time to wave at the mare before she jumped back and fell from her ladder. I made it one step towards her before her wings kicked in, only capable of fulfilling their purpose when used on-instinct, it seemed.

It was strange to see Twilight fly; I know that she’d done it before, but seeing her hold herself up like this was…she looked very graceful. Slightly regal and refined was the aura she gave off, her lilac feathers slowly beating back-and-forth, each subsequent movement not quite in sync with the one before it. I dare say she looked beautiful up there.

“Spike!” Twilight called out to the dragon, her voice dripping with desperation rather than anger. She attempted to make her way towards us on the far side of the room, but faltered halfway, her voice sounding as despondent as her movements were. “How did you…”

Spike must’ve been more used to this than I was, as he slowly hobbled over to the downed mare with crossed arms, likely with the knowledge that a verbal debate wasn’t what she needed at that moment. I tentatively followed suit, allowing Eve to quietly hurry off in a different direction.

I normally would’ve had something to say about all this, but as Twilight lay there, grounded by a plan gone awry, I couldn’t comment on how pitiable it all looked. “But Rarity was supposed to keep you for longer…” the mare murmured, seeming more as if she was coming to terms with her reality rather than addressing me directly.

“You’re not thinking straight, hun,” I concluded. I tried to reach out to her, but a sudden of formation of tears in the mare’s eyes forced me to look away, turning my attention back towards the décor, which occupied the space about as confidently as Twilight did.

Now, I was expecting Spike to be the bearer of comforting hugs and kisses in this moment. How foolish I was. “I don’t know why you didn’t get Pinkie Pie to help you…” he instead chose to comment, which baffled me to no end. I’m sure that this tactic would’ve worked in the past, but in its wake, the tears behind Twilight’s eyes broke forth.

The sobbing that followed was something that I wasn’t prepared for. Very quickly, I watched this figure of optimism and clueless innocence break down into…this. I was only able to witness it for a moment, though, as the mare, tears and all, soon disappeared in a flash of magic.

I don’t quite know how to describe how her absence made me feel. To be honest, I didn’t know anything: what to think, what to do, what to say. Thankfully, Spike waved a claw at me in the corner of my vision. “She’s probably in her room- two doors down from the library,” the dragon stated, telling me exactly what I needed to do.

“Right. Yeah, I’ll go.”

As far as I could tell, that was all that Spike needed to do, as he similarly moved away from me, heading down one of the castle’s corridors. I very tentatively asked him something before he disappeared, hoping to gain at least some clarity from all this. “Spike- you’re not still scared of me, are you?”

The little dragon didn’t even acknowledge me; he just kept on walking. I sighed at this, my lethargic breathing pattern soon being replicated by Eva, still asleep throughout the chaos. I really needed to put her to bed, so there was no real excuse not to head off to Twilight immediately.

Still…Spike. Very much the anchor in his relationship with Twilight. Maybe he’s the one who stops Twilight from using her wings; it probably stops her from floating away. That still doesn’t offer much of a glimpse into how he sees me, though. Out of all the negative emotions he must’ve been feeling, somehow I doubted that ‘fear’ was at the top of that list.

The library was on the way to Twilight’s room; Eva had been dropped off so now I was on my own again. I wasn’t sure where Eve had gone either, but I’m sure that the two sisters would reunite soon enough.

So, here we are: Twilight’s room. Ordinary from the outside, I knocked on her door and waited for a response. I received nothing verbal, but a small rustling from within confirmed that Spike was correct in his assertion.

Before pushing the door open, I looked over each of my shoulders and took in the sight of the castle corridor. All these empty rooms; all these spaces to be occupied and explored…the number of memories that could be made in a place like this- and instead of all that, she was stuck with me.

Opening Twilight’s bedroom door was more of a test of mental strength than physical, and I likely had my eyes closed as I swung the thing open. Revealed behind the doorway was a room like any other in terms of size, but with small touches that gave insight into the mare who rested within it.

Constellations seemed to be Twilight's thing, as telescopes of varying sizes dotted around the room’s perimeter, as if they no longer had a place but were simply too valuable to throw away. If I were to use one of them on the night sky, I’m sure that I’d see a similar view to that which was painted on the room’s ceiling, as a vast, sprawling cosmos imposed itself above me.

Much of the rest of the room continued with this motif, as a few books with covers showcasing a similar theming were scattered about the place. Even Twilight’s bed covers housed the moon and stars. Perhaps envisioning the night sky brought her peace moments before slumber.

Before turning to the task at hand, one final object caught my eye. There was a small ornament that hung in front of the mare's bedroom window- a curious little circlet adorned with crystals in six groups of matching colours. Even in the low light of the day’s passing sunset, it still lit up the floor below it in a collection of hues that felt awfully familiar.

“Please go,” a weak voice called out to me, bringing my attention to its source. I watched as Twilight, wrapped up in her bed covers, raised her head to look at me before drooping back down again.

Everything about this was fragile- and it had no reason to be this way. The frailty that Twilight displayed caused me to hesitate for a moment, but then I remembered what I was here to do. “No, Twilight- I’m not letting that happen.”

Heart racing, I approached Twilight and stood just off to the side of where she lay. Not wishing to take up space on her bed, I sat down on the floor next to it, happy to look up at the mare as she fought to keep her sorrow to herself.

“If you’re gonna droop down, you’re gonna droop onto me- you got it?” I reassured the mare, who remained without a voice, letting her sniffling do most of the talking. “Hey, tell me what’s up. What’s made you act up today?”

Twilight looked down at me, yet she still lacked the strength to project any kind of thought onto me. Her tears had mostly stopped flowing by now, and it looked more like she was thinking to herself. I knew that I needed to keep coaxing her out.

“You’re not foolproof, Twilight; you’re allowed to get things wrong sometimes, and you’re allowed to feel like shit when things go wrong. Tell me what’s up so I can help you- and you know that I want to help you.”

I allowed Twilight to think, as her mouth begin to slowly open and close as if she was willing herself to speak once more. Giving the mare her space, I glanced at the coloured pattern that was projected onto her bedroom floor- just as it faded away in the sun’s absence. “You do a lot on your own, don’t you?”

I hadn’t expected an answer from the poor girl. Nevertheless, I eventually received one, and I immediately turned myself around to give Twilight my full attention. “Not as much as I used to. I usually rely on my friends, but…some things they just can’t help me with.”

I stayed silent for a while, hoping that Twilight would fill in the blanks. The last thing that she needed was for some loudmouth to interrupt her at this time.

“I didn’t have too many ponies to rely on growing up. Mom and dad were always at work; my big brother spent most of his time away from home…even the ponies in my class didn’t talk to me much.”

Thoughts were plentiful in my head as the mare continued. Much needed to be asked, yet I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt.

“It was only Spike and I for so long- and that hurt. I put too much on that little guy, and Celestia knows that he was too young to handle everything. It really hurt me, being alone; I know that it hurt him too.”

As Twilight continued on, she shifted in my vision. I felt one of her hooves brush against the top of my head as she looked more deeply into my eyes.

“But things are different now: I’ve got friends; I’ve got my family back; I’ve even got a big sister; and I’ve…I’ve got you.”

Her voice had picked up in volume and conviction during that last passage, but it had once again been brought back to that subdued, melancholy murmur that I’d experienced at the beginning of the conversation.

“And I want you to feel that way too- I want you to feel how I feel. I want you to feel that there are all these ponies around you who love and support you.”

With this comment, Twilight broke eye contact with me, caught somewhere between rolling over and sitting up. Either way, she was facing away from me, and it felt like I was being invited to make a contribution. “Who says I don’t?”

My question certainly brought Twilight back to me. As soon as those words left my mouth, she’d moved back to me, eyes tearing up again as they showed bewilderment above all else. “But Equestria has treated you so badly. I don't want it to be like that. It’s my home and I’ll always love this place; I want you to feel that way too.”

I felt for the mare; she was pouring her heart out. I placed a hand on one of her thighs as it lay beneath her blanket. “In what way have I been treated badly?” I innocently asked her, hoping that the rubbing of my hand on her thigh would keep her cool.

I know that she wanted to explode into a tirade full of an ungodly number of ‘beware’ and ‘I told you so’ comments with regards to the bruises along my body, but it was clear that she lacked the strength. Instead, she let out a deep, pained sigh before changing the subject slightly. “It’s just…the princesses are working you so hard and you haven’t had a chance to relax and you’ve gotten so hurt already and I wanted to give you a party because…”

The more Twilight spoke, the more childlike her speech became. It was as if all of her intellect was washing away to make space for her emotions. I grabbed Twilight’s forelegs and lightly pushed them down onto the bed so that they sat in her lap.

In a situation that reminded me of my time with the little ones, I silently waited for Twilight to work up the mental clarity to speak again. It felt as if I was supressing an earthquake given how much she was shaking as the tears continued to fall for a short while. Given time, she’d found the energy to speak, and delivered the quietest line of the night:

“…I’m worried that you think I don’t care about you.”

It was hard for me to hear what Twilight had said. I processed it eventually, and I took even longer to think of what to say afterwards. “So this is the message you’ve been trying to get across…”

My reply may have seemed all-knowing, but I was quickly becoming just as overcome as Twilight was. She’d not only done all of today’s events for me, but taken care of the girls, given me a home…Christ, she might’ve been the reason I was still alive.

“And I know it’s not the same for you as it was for me,” Twilight rebutted, despite being given no indication that she needed to. “To be taken away from your family- from your own species…it’s as fascinating as it is morbid. I had it so much easier than you, but I-”

I’d heard enough of Twilight trying to talk herself down. Pushing my hands into the mare’s bed, I leaned forwards until my lips connected with hers. I instantly heard her monologue draw to a close as an all-new noise arrived to replace it.

Naturally, we were both inexperienced with this sort of thing, and the question of consent was lingering in the back of my mind. With closed eyes, I was initially nervous about whether Twilight would accept the gesture, but a gentle push of her lips against my own was enough to persuade me that she was on board.

So, I continued, pressing back against her and placing my right hand over her cheek, brushing loose strands of mane away from her face. From the way the mare’s body shifted, I could tell that she was attempting to do the same, but clearly lacked anything to hold onto, and just sort of made an attempt at pulling me into a clumsy hug.

The kiss that we shared wasn’t fuelled by primal urges or even a particularly heavy surge of passion. Instead, I found comfort in the way that Twilight occasionally parted her lips before latching onto and lightly sucking on my own, clearly just relying on guesswork.

It should go without saying that I would’ve been doing the exact same thing had I decided to do little more than initiate the contact. As such, it was easy for me to pull away from Twilight, who let out the quietest of whines as I let her go.

After I had my lips to myself again, I took a moment to calm myself down, although thundering heartbeats suggested that this would take a great deal longer than I was prepared for. My blush as well…I was hot all over. I’d never felt like that before.

Still, Twilight seemed to be going through the same processes, albeit with the added surprise of the whole situation. The mare simply sat there, a forehoof having occupied the space that my hand had left behind, eyes blank as they seemed to stare off into the space above my left shoulder.

“I care about you too,” I commented in summary of the whole situation. “We can’t change what happened, Twilight- we can only work on a better future. For both of us.”

I found far too much amusement in watching Twilight stare off into space. It was too easy to be a bit snarky in this situation, so I clicked my fingers a few times to try and capture the mare’s attention. “You can put your hoof down, now.”

At the second time of asking, Twilight finally came back to me. Blinking away a fresh set of tears, her eyes focused on me as the cogs that whirred in her head seemed to have calmed down for now. “Only if you put your hand back,” she slowly replied, voice still shaky.

There was an obvious vulnerability to the mare’s words; one could’ve easily mistaken her weak delivery as showing disinterest, but I could tell that she needed it. I would’ve been happy to oblige, but an increasing loud (and impatient) voice was making its way up the corridor outside.

“Mr. Bayard…! We need you…!”

I must’ve looked a little bit annoyed because Twilight giggled at me. I watched as the mare, presumably more satisfied, pulled herself out of bed and onto all four hooves. With a small push, I did the same before making way to the bedroom door and pulling it open. “We’re in here, girls!”

And so, the horde approached. In preparation for this, I’d taken a few steps back- and I was right to do so, as the pair of tiny terrors forced their way into the bedroom. Eve in particular was beside herself with excitement. “Look at all the balloons we got!”

Well, she certainly had a reason to be so chipper: both of her hands were full of the bobbing bags of helium, always one loosened grip away from floating off to freedom. “They were captured!” Eva confirmed, hidden behind her sister; aside from her voice, the only indication that she was even there was a pair of balloons that bounced around in the background.

“Sorry that I ran off, girls,” I consoled the pair, watching as Eva finally came into view. The small sleep that she’d had must’ve helped her regain her energy; she certainly looked as if she was expecting something to happen. “I had something important to do.”

Thankfully, neither sister demanded more of an explanation. Rather, Eve was apparently feeling rather charitable, offering, “Do you want a balloon?” while presenting the gift in question, which I was happy to take for myself.

“Thank you very much…”

But no. Just as I was about to grab my new present by the string that held it down, it was ruthlessly ripped away from me by the one who’d offered it in the first place. “Are you going to say ‘please’ before you take it?” Eve questioned me as she hid my balloon behind her back.

“Please can I have a balloon?”

“Ok! But don’t pick my favourite!”

“Which one’s your favourite, then?”

“…I dunno.”

Having narrowed down nothing, I started the process of grabbing at random balloons and gauging my possible success rate over what kind of face Eve was pulling at the time. Soon enough, I managed to get away with one of them, although it really didn’t matter which one I ended up receiving.

Perhaps because I was feeling particularly anal at that moment, I lightly bashed my knuckle on the balloon’s surface. It felt real; it sounded real when I squished it…I don’t know, man- this whole place is doing a good job at making everything feel like it should do.

“An-And! Look at this!”

I was forced away from my fondling by Eve’s shrill cry. Holding aloft one of her balloons (which is a word that I’m very sick of at this point) she lowered herself into a batting stance before swinging it directly at Eva’s head, with which it made solid contact.

The hollow thud that the strike created echoed through Twilight’s bedroom- and I was immediately prepared for a mental breakdown. However, I was to be positively surprised, as Eva let out a happy squeal and returned fire.

With this hit, though, the balloon broke free from its string. Interestingly, once it fell away, it acted as if it had no helium in it at all, rolling on the floor and showing no intention of rising from it again. The girl’s brown eyes followed the object’s movements before being given a brand-new weapon by her adversary and recommencing the assault.

As the sound of laughter and heavy thuds filled the previously-stagnant air around me, I turned back to Twilight and offered her a shrug. In response, the mare beckoned me back towards her and leaned her head against me once I got there.

“I’m sorry that you didn’t enjoy your party,” she solemnly stated, although it was difficult to hear her when she spoke at such a volume. She was still clearly sore about the whole thing, even considering the remarkable change in atmosphere.

And I used this as my focus for my response. Pulling Twilight in slightly, I watched the two little girls as they played with the balloons. Throwing them, kicking them, rubbing them on their clothes to feel the static- it was clear that these hastily-assembled decorations had brought the girls a great deal of joy; Twilight must’ve been able to see that.

“Who says that my enjoyment matters the most right now?”