Kind Hands

“Yeah, but, Beth, all my mates are isolating now after getting it from someone at the pub.”

“Surely that can’t be that many.”

“Like seven.”

“Since when did you have seven friends?”

I struggled to sleep in this world. I hated it. It made me feel slow and distant whilst also giving me terrible headaches. I’d tried to explain to the princesses about getting some painkillers, but I was essentially told to go away. What’s more, as I nursed my aching head, I heard of news that all-but killed me: Twilight was coming over.

“Ah, fuck me.”

I doubted that she was there to see me, exactly. Although, I was sure that she would come and annoy me again. Speaking of annoying…

“Forget that- let’s go play!”

It appeared that Eve had been eavesdropping again, somehow wandering into my crisis to escape her boredom.

“Not right now, I’m afraid, Eve.”

I actually would’ve loved to have taken some time to unwind, but that wasn’t on the agenda today. As much as I loved playing dress-up (take what you want from that), I’d planned to practice using my bow, which I’d completely forgotten about until now, to be honest. It may have been useless when speaking with a seamstress, but it was still a gift from the princesses, and I might as well have taken advantage of it.

“You used to be fun…” Eve muttered, crossing her arms and pouting away. Evidently, I had made a truly selfish decision by thinking about someone other than her. How sad.

“I’m still fun,” I reasoned. “I just want to use my bow for a bit.” This god-awful mission of mine would surely, at some point, require me to go and kill some undescribed and poorly defined monsters, so I might as well do something that contributed to my survival. ‘Probable death over certain death’ and all that.

“What’s that?” Eva piped up, her voice full of confusion. “What’s a ‘bow’?”

“It’s… this!”

I held out my hand hopefully and tried to remember what on Earth I was supposed to do next. My worries were for nought, however, as, just like before, the bow materialised in my hand without a second thought.

“Wow…”

The girls were at a loss for words. They’d seen magical ponies that can fly and use magic, but to see another human do something like this was seemingly difficult for them to comprehend. And so, they stood there, mouths agape, trying to understand how a human had managed to do something that was fairly trivial for this world’s standards, to be honest.

“Where’d you get it?” Eve asked, stumbling over to me. She helped herself to the bow and placed her hands on the thing as if she didn’t even believe that it was there, like it was some kind of illusion. While she was preoccupied with that, I gave her my simple answer.

“From the princesses.”

My mind wasn’t fully on having a conversation as I twirled the weapon in my hands. I was lucky not to hit Eve in the face, which reminded me that her sister was still off to the side, looking on in slight amazement. It took a while for me to catch her gaze, but she came over to join her sister soon enough.

“Can I have one?” Eve asked in her own expectant way.

“No.”

“We could get both of you one later,” Celestia suggested as she inserted herself into our conversation, scaring the life out of me. She ignored my frantic gesturing of ‘that’s a bloody awful idea’, before continuing. “But, for now… you and Twilight have a few things to discuss”.

I’m sure that she took glee in the way that she made me suffer. That dramatic pause all-but confirmed it. So much so, that I felt very compelled to show the princess some very different hand gestures. With that said, I quite fancied being alive- despite my imminent playdate with Twilight, so I kept my hands to myself.

“I think we’ve discussed quite a lot already.”

That slightly arsey comment was good enough for me. It wasn’t good enough for Celestia though, as she offered her own interpretation of an event that she didn’t witness in any way.

“You know how she is; she can be quite forgetful at times.”

“I do know how she is- and that’s exactly why I would like to politely decline your request.”

She wasn’t planning on letting me off that easily, though.

“And what would you do instead?”

Unfortunately for Celestia, I was also not to be swayed at that moment. I didn’t even need to think before giving my answer.

“Probably run off and find some targets to shoot at.”

“And where in Equestria would you find such targets?”

“You’ve got soldiers, right? They’ve probably got some somewhere.”

Celestia shook her head in response to my suggestion. Apparently, she still had holes to pick in my explanation.

“I think you may need a more accurate location than ‘somewhere’ if you’re going to have any chance of finding them. Besides, I’m sure the royal guard will be very impressed when I tell them that a human has broken into their firing ranges and is helping himself to their targets.”

“You’re not about to grass, are you?”

“…Excuse me?”

“Because if there’s one thing no one likes, it’s a grass.”

“You two are acting like children,” Eve reprimanded suddenly, having had enough of mine and the princess’ exchange. I held back the urge to flick her forehead as she crossed her arms and turned away from us. “Mr. Bayard, just speak with Twilight first- then you can go and play.”

“The irony is palpable when that’s coming from you, Eve,” I commented in his review of the situation. Eve’s reversal of our roles did well to lighten my mood; I suppose I’d taught her well.

“I can feel it from here,” Celestia remarked, again enjoying my discomfort and minor embarrassment. “You will be talking to Twilight, and I will let her know that you are ready.” I must’ve looked rather glum, as the princess wasn’t done with me yet. “I’ll tell you what, then,” she reasoned. “I’ll make sure that she brings a friend that you can play with.”

“Since when was I the five-year-old here?”

Twilight had a habit of being late, apparently, as I spent a long time not really doing anything. I knew that the journey from Ponyville to Canterlot wasn’t exactly a walk around the block, but Twilight was taking the piss here, surely. If I knew she would’ve taken this long, I would’ve done whatever I was planning on doing anyway.

I lay on top of my bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to find the answer to my predicament within the unending whitewash above me. I found none, but that didn’t stop me from trying again and again as I waited for the time at which Twilight would arrive. “Bloody hell- what’s taking her so long?” I mumbled a bit too loudly.

“Probably in traffic,” Eve offered from across the room whilst she stuffed her face with some type of candy that she wouldn’t let me try. She and her sister had resumed their colouring from the day before in preparation for another awkward day of me trying to connect with Twilight on any tangible level. After all that had already happened, I was sure that the girls were interested to see what would happen next.

Eva suddenly lifted her head up and looked as if she wanted to say something.

“David?”

“Been a little while since you’ve called me that. What is it, cherub?”

“Can you come play with me?”

And so, it was. Giving little regard as to when Twilight would drag herself through the door, I sat down and got to work on a five-year-old’s colouring book with a gusto that I had been neglecting up until now. Even with my new purpose in life, I managed to find some way to complain.

“When we were whisked away to this strange world, colouring wasn’t the thing I thought I’d spend most of my time doing.”

“But it’s fun!”

Eva raised a good point. It was quite nice to be able to do something as ordinary as this. I had a lingering suspicion that this normality wouldn’t last for long, given my eventual ordeal with this ‘Starlight’ girl. Her name continuously bubbled to the surface of my mind as I lay in waiting, dragging along a familiar fear of dread every time it imposed itself.

As strange as it may be to hear, I wasn’t a fan of leaving Eve and Eva alone while I went off to die, but I suppose I didn’t have a choice. Hopefully they would behave while I was gone.

“David?” Eva asked again after a page’s worth of colouring. “You know when you need to go and find that person?” She must’ve been telepathic, especially since I couldn’t remember Celestia telling her about Starlight. By hook or by crook, she appeared to share my apprehension about my job to go and track down that elusive mare.

“What about it?”

“Well…um…” Eva began to mess with her hands as she thought about what she wanted to say. “Can I come with you?” she finally asked. I let out a short sigh; I hated this part.

“Sadly, no- not this time. It’s too dangerous.”

I couldn’t look her in the eyes because I knew what was waiting for me if I dared to. Even in my cowardice, a sniffling was audible enough to carry the news of her reaction in a way that I was much too familiar with.

“It’ll be too dangerous for two little girls- you’ll get hurt and then what’ll we do?”

I know that she wanted to protest further, but, for whatever reason, she found herself unable to do so as she slumped into my side pathetically.

“I don’t want you to go.”

The reluctance was clear in her voice, but I was on the home stretch now. I could taste the victory. I resoundingly argued, “I’ll come back,” as I saw Eve growing restless in the corner of my eye. “I’ll be extra fast- just for you. Remember yesterday? We had this conversation with Eve about me leaving, didn’t we?”

“Mm hmm.”

“And what did I say to her then- do you remember?”

“That you’re ‘not going anywhere.’”

“And I’ll say the exact same thing to you. Besides, you’ll still have Eve. Isn’t that right, Eve, you little irritant?”

“Yeah!”

Eve gave a shout as she grabbed her little sister and peeled her from my side. She grabbed the tearful tyke and wrapped her up in a strong hug that only an older sibling could give. “You’ll have me, and I’ll have you. We’ll be together!” She grinned as she looked at me again. “And we can make Mr. Bayard get us lots of nice stuff!”

That comment looked to have brought Eva back to life as her body language reverted to a more neutral state. But then, just as things were looking up, Eve decided it was her turn to be sombre. “You’d better come back, though,” she warned with a slightly angry expression on her face. “Or I’ll cry.”

“You did enough of that yesterday.”

“I did not!”

“You did.”

“Didn’t.”

“Did.”

“Didn’t.”

“Whatever you say, littlun.”

I couldn’t be bothered to deal with that. I refocused my attention on Eva as I picked up from where I’d left off. “Eve will be with you all the time when I have to do this stupid thing for the princesses. Think about it like when you had to go to afterschool clubs back at school- I wasn’t there then and you did just fine.”

“She was a bit silly sometimes,” Eve interjected to work against me again.

“I was not!”

“You was!”

“‘Were’, Eve. Look: both of you-” I turned to face the two and pulled them close so that I could look them both in the eyes. “-I am not going to go anywhere without letting you know first. And-”

“-You don’t know that-”

“-And I’ll come right back and bring you some nice goodies from wherever I go. And then, we can all go out to somewhere nice together- just the three of us.”

Eva’s eyes lit up at this proposition. “Like the beach?” she enquired hopefully. Her answer wasn’t the one that I was expecting, but that didn’t mean that I was against the idea. For reassurance, I looked to Eve, who also seemed to have had a lightbulb moment after her sister’s suggestion.

“Is that where you want to go?” I asked her. Eva nodded her head frantically in response as if she was trying to nod the tears from her face. “Then we’ll go. I’ll ask around and see what I can find once I get back.” With every comment, I could see the little girl come out of her shell, that smile doing its best to creep its way across her cheeks.

“Okay,” was all that she said, but it was more than enough for me to push the worries out of my head. I seemed to have gotten her on my side for the time being, so I pulled her back to my side and held her there. And, from there, I paused, wanting to keep her there until she felt safe agai-

“Hello…?”

Without warning, she struck. She moved through the halls soundlessly with frightening efficiency. Her arrival was an inevitability, as was her timing. She was noticed when it was already far too late for those in attendance to flee.

Twilight Sparkle had arrived.

And, faced with a lack of options, I felt the need to respond.

“Oh, hi, Twilight.”

“You don’t sound very chipper today,” Twilight noted as she poked her head into my little space.

“This is just how I sound,” I responded with my unchanging, deadpan tone.

“Oh.”

“…”

“…”

I was preparing for another painful exchange as I felt the ellipses pass me by. But fate had other plans in store.

“Geez- way to reel him in, Twilight.”

A new voice had entered the fray: the raspy voice of someone obnoxious. It appeared that my new friend was here.

“And why does his voice sound so funny?”

Oh, alright, then. I guess she had something to say about my voice as well. I stood up and moved towards the door in a show of frustration at the new intruder’s comment. My grievance was a complete lie- I did love an abrasive woman- but it’d probably be more awkward if I didn’t react in some way. Either way, I Immediately found this person more captivating than Twilight, so I tried to bring her into the conversation.

“You know you can come through the door, right? I’m dressed.”

“And we’re here, too!” Eva called out from her side of the room. She began waving at the door as if the door itself was involved in this conversation. She seemed to have involved more than just the bedroom’s entrance though, as her little voice attracted the mysterious woman’s attention.

“Wait, is he a dad? You didn’t tell me he was a dad, Twilight.”

“I told you: he’s not a dad-!”

“-Is he a DILF?”

“No! He’s not a-”

I gladly interrupted this exchange by forcing the door open with a huff.

“Could you not discuss someone when you’re stood ten feet from th- oh, you look different.”

She did look different. The mare that caught me off-guard hovered a few feet off the ground with wings that were well-defined yet full of fluff. As she hovered, she would occasionally blow air from her mouth up to prevent her mane from flopping down in front of her eyes. Those magenta pools of hers appeared quick to irritate as her mane threatened to obscure their view.

To describe the mane as ‘striking’ would perhaps be a disservice; it was a luscious flurry of colours that streaked out all along her mane and carried on through her tail. Their colours had a natural pull-factor to them that would likely have brought the mare much attention if she played to its strengths, but they were both short and harshly cut with more jagged edges. It was almost disappointing that she wasn’t too concerned with how it looked.

With a mane like a rainbow came a coat of fur that matched the clear sky- a light blue colour that was easy to stare into and lose track of one’s senses. It rustled slightly in time with the flaps of her wings, showing off the impressively lean body structure below it. This mare looked like the type of girl to fulfil the ‘short and angry’ stereotype that was always so strangely endearing.

“Wow. Aren’t you majestic?” I remarked after I’d finished taking in the sight before me. I’d seen lots of colours in the short time that I’d spent in Equestria, but not all of them at the same time. My wonder was obvious, as the prismatic little thing folded her forelegs over one another and grinned down at me.

“Hey! The name’s Rainbow Dash. Nice to meet ya! And yeah, I’m pretty cool. Always have been.”

Short and cocky, apparently. I replied, “Never been one to brag, eh? My name’s David- David Bayard,” as a smile took over my face. I thought about offering her a hand to shake but decided that she probably wouldn’t want it.

Usually, boastfulness did nothing to excite me, but this girl managed to play it off in a way that worked surprisingly well. Even so, this conversation proved to be a fragile one, as it was quickly shattered by a classic case of poor social awareness on behalf of our colourful friend.

“Why do you sound like that? You sound like Rarity but worse.”

Well, somebody was bound to have a go at some point. Regardless, I’d been to the states before, so I was no stranger to yanks being unable to appreciate my accent. It was no big deal- or at least it shouldn’t have been a big deal.

“Rainbow! That’s not a nice thing to say to a friend!” Twilight admonished her friend with an assertiveness that I wasn’t expecting. ‘Rainbow’ didn’t seem too affected by this as she glanced at her friend while shrugging nonchalantly. It was always strange seeing horses carry out human gestures.

“A rainbow…?”

Eva popped her head out through the doorway and caught sight of the prismatic Pegasus. Much like I did before her, she stared at Rainbow Dash, losing herself in the colours. I idly flicked at the girl’s brown hair as she continued to stare.

“What are you shouting abou- ooh a rainbow…!”

As if this conversation couldn’t get any more cluttered, Eve had decided that it was her turn to become transfixed as she joined her sister in absorbing the display of colours. As much as I wanted to see how long this would last, this level of interest was unhealthy.

“Girls, stop staring- you’re probably making her uncomfortable.”

Rainbow Dash let out a forced chuckle as she grabbed the back of her neck with a hoof. She didn’t look like she knew what to do with herself and that made me a happy boy. “You may act all cool, but you’re just as bad as she is,” I mocked the Pegasus, pointing at Twilight for reference. Twilight showed exactly the reaction that I was looking for, shuffling nervously in the background once she’d been pointed out.

Back in the foreground, Rainbow had a question on the tip of her tongue. “So, where are you from?” she asked me with a point of her hoof. Again, seeing such gestures coming from a rainbow pegasus was somewhat unsettling.

“Not from around here,” was all that I said in response. I don’t know why I went for the ‘mysterious loner’ archetype, especially considering Rainbow glared down at me with a frustrated expression.

“Come on! You can do better than that. Where are you really from?”

While thinking of a response, I struggled to find the correct words. The best I could offer was, “I don’t know what to tell you. There isn’t even anything to compare to; my world isn’t anything like this.”, but I could tell that this wasn’t to the pegasus’ standards.

With a continued loss for words, I made the brave decision of forcing a four-year-old girl to do the talking for me. “Eve, you’re a social butterfly- you do this.”

Eve pondered and thought and considered for a while.

“Well, it’s a bit cold because it’s nearly Christmas…”

“Yes…!” I encouraged.

“But it was nice and sunny when I left…”

This was a good start, but our audience was bound to lose interest if we didn’t pick up the pace. I tried to get her back on track, beckoning, “Okay, that’s a good start, Eve. What about something other than the weather? Although it was quite nice to be fair.”

I gave Rainbow a thumbs-up as I added on that last comment. She didn’t get it. She was more likely interested- or confused- about why I’d made a child do the talking for me. To be honest, I could see why she’d be thinking that.

“…And…there was…uh, it was-it-it was cold!”

“It was very cold,” Eva chimed in, adding to the irrelevant information. Bloody hell, it was like they’d forgotten their lines at a school play.

“Come on, Eve- find your words,” I implored as I wished for the ability to sink into the floor again.

“That reminds me,” Twilight suddenly interrupted, having a positive effect on an exchange for once. “I need to teach you how to read.”

Well, her helpful contributions were nice while they lasted. This didn’t seem to be of huge concern for Twilight, who kept an earnest smile on her face whilst she demonstrated her poor understanding. This was apparently the first time Rainbow had heard this, however, as she very slowly peeled her eyes from Twilight. I watched her grin spread from ear to ear as she stared me down for an uncomfortably long time.

“Heh, seriously?”

“Don’t even think it about it. I can read- but your alphabet is just signatures.”

This didn’t really help as Rainbow began to snicker as she placed both her forehooves over her mouth. Eve also proved to be unhelpful as she, like Twilight before her, showed her misunderstanding by making everything worse.

“It’s okay, Mr Bayard. I can’t read either.”

That was all that Rainbow Dash needed to explode into a fit of innocent yet irritating laughter. She really made a meal of it, too. She rolled on the floor and banged on the very expensive carpet with her hooves in an overblown display of amusement. It wasn’t even that funny.

I would’ve likely retaliated with something mildly offensive, but, fittingly, my words seemed to have left me. Instead, I crossed my arms and let out several sighs as I waited for the cackling to come to an end. Eve’s unfortunate interjection did bring a new question forward: what was I going to do about keeping those two educated? With nowhere else to turn, I turned to Twilight. “Come on, sweet stuff- help me out here.”

Twilight cleared her throat and planted a forehoof in the ground triumphantly. It would’ve been grand if Rainbow’s cackling wasn’t drowning out all other noise. Where were the guards when you needed them?

“Fear not, little one-”

“-I’m, like, two feet taller than you-”

“-For we shall restore your reading!”

“What are you on about?”

“Heh, sorry.” she gave a chuckle as she gave a quick shake of her head. “I wanted to sound like the princesses again. I guess I kinda messed it up.” She glanced up at me hopefully, scanning my face for an indication that she’d tried too hard. At that moment, I kind of felt sorry for her.

“Well, you didn’t do too bad, to be fair,” I responded with as much affection as I could muster. “Besides, it’s nice to hear you being a bit more expressive.” I waved my hand in her direction dismissively, perhaps negating a bit of my warmth.

“Aw, thanks.” Twilight repaid my compassion in kind, sporting an honest smile as she looked genuinely content. “Uh, I hope our conversation yesterday wasn’t too bad.”

“Nah, we’ll chalk it off as an awkward introduction,” I reassured her. It sounded as if she also had some regrets; maybe there was more to this mare than I originally thought.

“Shouldn’t you two be reading?” came Eve’s chastisement. Immediately, she grabbed my hand and pulled me away from Twilight, who had managed to get Rainbow Dash to pull herself together. I relinquished control, feeling as if I had none to begin with; Eve seemed to be just as happy to ruin my bonding time as everybody else in this world was, apparently.

Twilight being one of them.

“Well, there’s no time like the present! Let’s get started.”

And so, having retreated back into my bedroom, I submitted myself to an impromptu English(?) lesson. Although I had no problem with this, my ego took a slight hit as I found myself on the receiving end of a student: teacher interaction for once.

“So!” Twilight began from our place at a table in the centre of the room. “Let’s begin with the alphabet!” She summoned a small scroll that, presumably, contained all the letters in the Equestrian(?) alphabet. I counted each letter, growing evermore delighted as I counted up to twenty-six and no more.

Such disgusting levels of convenience weren’t lost on me as I focused on the letters and considered the possible formation of each one. The whole thing looked like cursive on crack. I twirled a finger in the air as I tried to replicate what was in front of me, and I instantly felt several sets of eyes bear down on me.

“Such dexterity…” Twilight breathed. All of a sudden, she sprung up beside me and pressed her muzzle into my right hand. “Can you do that again? But do it really slowly this time! It’s sooo fascinating- ooh, let me write this down!

The mare’s ramblings were fortunately brought to a halt by Rainbow Dash, who lifted her friend into the air with an uneasy grin. “Easy there, Twilight; eyes on the prize,” the pegasus beckoned as she shifted backwards, creating a nice gap between myself and my admirer.

Once Twilight had been plopped back down to the floor, she looked at me apologetically. At least, she tried to; as I traced the writing again, my attention was brought back to the mare, as her eyes continuously shifted from the scroll, to me, and then back again. She was incredibly bad at hiding her enthusiasm.

Luckily for me, it turned out that the Equestrian ‘alphabet’ was largely similar to the English one. The only difference was that the Equestrian one looked like it was made by a pre-schooler. I wrote up the correct alphabet for Twilight and she helped me to apply it to several books that she’d brought along. She had begged me to for the copy of the ‘human’ alphabet so that she could take it home for whatever perverted practices she partook in.

“Fine, I’ll make another one,” I relented as I tossed my piece of paper at Twilight, who looked as if she would need to be restrained again. Keeping her in the corner of my eye, I shifted my focus to Eve and Eva, who had been remarkably restrained up until now. “Look here, girls- we’ve got something new to look at.”

Before I had a chance to move any further, the duo were already clambering onto me, trying to get a glimpse of the purported treasure I held in my hand. “Let me see!” Eve called out, but once she laid her eyes upon the selection of letters on the scroll, she looked up me with a pout. “That looks rubbish.”

Oh, a child’s bluntness. I loved it so- maybe more so because of the blush that spread through Twilight’s cheeks. A snickering behind me indicated that Rainbow had found similar enjoyment. As Eve lamented Twilight’s letter formation, my attention was brought to Eva, who had similarly discarded the scroll. “They don’t look like the phonics letters,” the little girl noted, looking blankly into the distance behind me.

“These guys just write a bit differently to us. We’ll still do phonics like we always do, but this is also something to think about.”

My comment seemed to have been a lightbulb moment for Eva, as she wordlessly hurried to her bag and pulled out a set of flash cards. For some reason, with these in hand, she returned to me and placed her cards on the table before beginning to read them aloud.

“C-a-t: cat! D-o-g: dog…”

I was slightly confused as to why Eva did this, to be honest. Certainly not as much as Rainbow was, however, as the pegasus pointed at the child and turned to me for answers.

“Err, what’s she doing?”

“Phonics,” I answered plainly. I expected that to be enough, but Rainbow rolled her hoof as part of a gesture that compelled me to keep going. “Sounding words out? Blending? Did you do anything at school?”

Rainbow shrugged at this, simply explaining it as, “So, that’s why you can’t read.”

“Th…th…thhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

It appeared that Eva had begun to malfunction, brought to a halt by one of her sound cards. Even as a blush began to overtake her, she kept her eyes glued to the card, although I doubted concentration was the only reason for that. “It’s not a sound- it’s a tricky word, remember? It does start with a ‘th’,” I prompted her, noting how she barely reacted to my input.

“You can get it…” Eve reassured her sister, leaning against the girl’s shoulder. I let those two sort each other out, and I was slightly proud of what I saw; I’m sure it must’ve taken Eve great restraint not to blurt out the answer as soon as it popped into her head.

Eva’s expression softened as this extra support seemed to be more effective than mine was. The studious little girl continued to think about the word in front of her until she smashed her fist into the table as she found the answer that she’d been looking for.

“The!”

Beaming with pride, Eva pivoted around to face me, her fist still implanted into the table. It was hard to conceal a smile when I looked back at that toothy grin. Yes, it was only a three-letter word, but I paid it no mind; it was progress. “There you go. Well done, littlun.”

As Eva and I appreciated the simpler things in life, Rainbow Dash was quick to show her scepticism. “So, what’s the deal with you three?” the pegasus questioned our little grouping. “Like, are they your foals or…?”

“No, no. They’re my students. They’re lovely but they’re nothing more.”

Hearing the words leave my mouth, I wondered whether my comment may’ve been too clinical for the little ones. There was no need for this as I felt Eva, possibly still on her correct-answer-high, lean against me with a happy hum. Eve must’ve thought that she’d been left out of the spotlight for too long as she sprang into me, causing me to wince as her elbow collided with my side.

“Right… so why are you here?” Rainbow continued, unmoved by the display.

“Something to do with the princesses- ask them.”

“And why are they here?”

“I dunno.”

No doubt unimpressed with my answer, Rainbow shook her head and gave up. Instead, she removed her eyes from my little huddle and aimed her questions at Miss Sparkle.

“You didn’t say he wasn’t a dad, Twilight.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Surely you know something about why he’s here.”

“I know just as much as you…”

Neither my half-hearted explanations nor Twilight’s exasperation could dispel the prismatic pegasus’ questions. “C’mon, Twilight! He’s gotta have a bigger purpose than letting you play as the teacher,” she continued. “But he’s got a point- his letters look a little cooler than ours.”

I watched as Twilight pressed her hooves into her face and let out a long sigh. “Look: all I know is that he’s been brought here to do some ‘super-secret’ stuff for the princesses. Stuff that he will not tell me about!” she huffed before her attention returned to me. “Is that about right?”

“Pretty much,” I responded to the flustered mare’s evident frustration. “Can I just say, Twilight- this ‘My Experience with Dragon Lilies’ book here? It might be the worst thing I’ve ever read.”

It appeared that Twilight could only take so much. Her rocky introduction could easily be shrugged off; a barrage of questions that she didn’t know the answer to proved to be much harder to ignore. Now, having her choice of literary material violated, she had seen enough. She turned her nose to the ceiling and shifted away from me.

“Just keep reading- at least until chapter 53.”

“This book’ll take me twenty-five years to complete. I’m not doing this.”

“Fine. At least take it with you.”

That’ll do me. I resoundingly shut the book with no intention of ever opening it again. I must’ve closed the book with too much force as it startled the previously-tranquil huddle that I was a part of. I didn’t want to upset the little ones; it was that bastard Rainbow that I fancied knocking out of the air. Naturally, I failed, and the pegasus merely hovered above me in a subtle statement of superiority.

Twilight was similarly unmoved, still in strop over what I’d said about her precious books. These ponies were all over the place, over and underreacting at random. Still, Twilight’s lack of action indicated that class was over, and that we could finally get to the good stuff.

“That’s it for now. Thank you, Twilight, you grumpy bits. Let’s go shoot something instead.”

Given how I’d spent my day indoors up until this point, it was nice to be outside the castle enjoying the sunshine. A large, circular courtyard lined with archery targets lay before me; the dirt beneath my feet was coarse with many indents that were undoubtably the results of various shooting drills.

I’d spent some time searching for Celestia so that she could’ve directed me to this place. Apparently, though, a deity can’t be free all the time, so I found the next best thing and woke Luna up from her early-afternoon nap. Although she had scoffed at the disrespect, she’d quickly brought me to this place- and she had brought someone along to help me.

“I have summoned the griffon, Fairfeather, to assist you with your marksmanship.”

I ignored how Luna knew to put the ‘man’ in ‘marksmanship’ as a creature that I didn’t recognise appeared on the far side of the courtyard. A griffon, I assumed (it’s not like I’d seen one before), was making its way towards me at a leisurely pace while carrying a selection of archery equipment. Someone more experienced with archery would likely define it in more certain terms than ‘Archery Equipment’, but bear with me. He carried his own arrows and what appeared to be a custom bow on his back.

I’d googled griffons before and had a look at them online, but the images that I’d seen paled in comparison to the ‘real’ thing. All the stereotypical features of a griffon were present: half lion, half eagle, and with all the striking features and sharp edges that one would imagine.

The griffon’s forelimbs both possessed several sharp claws that could likely gut me like a fish, but they seemed to more closely resemble hands than hooves did. The griffon’s more opposable digits may have been the reason why he was here rather than your average pony.

All the old legends and supposed sightings implied that griffons were strong and proud creatures, but ‘Fairfeather’ looked modest and uninspiring. The feathers spreading across their body were a monochrome grey with only their yellow beak providing any contrast in colour. Their left forelimb appeared to be damaged as well; they weren’t holding it properly. For such a dangerous-looking creature, this one moved reservedly, almost cautiously.

And this guy wasn’t moving very quickly, either. The courtyard was very large- so much so, that I’d completed my survey of the creature long before they’d gotten close enough to say ‘hello’. I couldn’t be arsed with this, so I closed the gap between the two of us and met the griffon after walking about… let’s say two steps. I offered my hand, hoping that this guy would understand the gesture. Luckily, I was reciprocated, with the griffon offering a firm ‘handshake’ with their one-good forelimb.

“So, you’re that human guy? It’s good to finally meet ya! I’m that ‘Fairfeather’ guy. You do know it’s me, right?”

From the sound of his voice, I guessed that Fairfeather was a male, which I was happy about: there was a definite shortage of dudes. The creature was intelligible at least, keeping the ebb and flow of many of the Americanesque accents that I’ve grown used to around here.

“It’s nice to see a new face,” I commented with satisfaction. I glanced at the weaponry on the griffon’s back. “So, you’re the archer?”

“Archer master, my friend,” he replied as he took the bow from his back and began to wave it about with reckless abandon. “Led a life of shooting things, being found half-dead in the big city, doing some things he sometimes regrets… but don’t mention it.” He fired off facts about himself in rapid succession and did so in a way that wasn’t usually known to the clinically sane. I was having a hard time figuring him out.

Fairfeather’s voice was gritty yet high-pitched, like a pre-pubescent with a cigarette addiction. The more the griffon spoke, the stranger it seemed that he was without a guardian- and by the look of him, he had been without one for some time. He sounded young, certainly younger than the mares that I’d spoken to, and that fact concerned me. If I was to guess, then Fairfeather was likely to be the griffon’s equivalent to a young teenager. Surely someone that age would have somebody to rely on: be it friends, family or just anyone for that matter.

Of course, he could’ve had somebody waiting for him at home, but I doubted that. Fairfeather’s mannerisms and general look made him seem like a pauper who had spent the majority of his life frightened to death. The fact that he was a griffon in a city full of ponies also raised some questions.

He was a good shot, though, as he demonstrated his prowess by drawing his bow and firing numerous arrows at a selection of targets in front of him in rapid succession. There was no flair to his movements; it was cold, clinical and ruthlessly efficient. I didn’t know if I should’ve been impressed or disturbed. Nobody else knew how to react to this either, if the silence that followed was any indication. Nobody, apart from Luna, however, who seemed unfazed by the commotion and had one final warning as she turned to leave.

“Please don’t kill anypony. Ugh, I’ll never be able to get back to my rest…”

The princess’ grumpiness aside, my time in the courtyard had progressed well so far and I was excited to get started as I readied my own weapon. This excitement was soon punished, though, as I failed to even fire any arrows at the targets, instead watching them as they dropped pitifully into the dirt below. Nothing can ever be simple, as Fairfeather was keen to point out.

“Your, uh… your arrows didn’t go that far.”

“I can see that.”

“…Have you done this before?”

“Oh, absolutely not, no.”

“Ah. D’you want me to show you how?”

“I think that might help.”

Fairfeather was a terrible teacher. Or maybe I was a terrible student. Regardless, I suppose if you do the same thing over and over again for long enough, you’re bound to do something right at some point. So, surely through pure luck, my aim slowly improved as I gained a feel and rhythm with the thing.

It was interesting to note that my arrows appeared in the same way that my bow did: they were simply called into action and disappeared once they were no longer necessary. With that said, I still wasn’t great at shooting by any means, despite Fairfeather’s clichéd mutterings.

“Just empty your mind.”

“What?”

“Just empty… your mind.”

“Oh, no- don’t do this, mate.”

I took my eyes off the row of targets to shut this poorly fated pep-talk down. I probably shouldn’t’ve, since I missed all of my shots after getting started again. Rainbow Dash, less-than-impressed at this, broke away from the ambivalent huddle behind me to offer her insight.

“Dude, why don’t you try shooting at me?” she challenged as she moved to hover a few feet in front of me. As she floated there, she looked down at the small cluster of arrows that sat in a line in front of the targets; multiple small holes in the dirt suggested that many more had met the same fate.

“You know that’ll kill you, right?” I replied absentmindedly. My bow disappeared from hands as I must’ve lost focus. I looked back to what was left of my audience: only Twilight remained as Eve and Eva had disappeared to some random area in the shade, seemingly focused on something.

“Not if you’re the one shooting,” Rainbow replied smugly.

I lowered my head and scowled at the dirt. It was silly: Rainbow’s comment shouldn’t’ve cut as deep as it did, but it was becoming increasingly clear that she was right. Flexing my right hand caused a great deal of pain to shoot up my arm, allowing my physical anguish to mix with the embarrassment that I felt from the number of times that I’d ballsed the exercise up. I had half a mind to pack it in for the day, but I felt Fairfeather grab my right shoulder, digging into my flesh slightly with his claws.

“Come on,” the griffon encouraged. “You just gotta aim a bit higher. Let me show you.”

Days went by quickly in Equestria, apparently. It was approaching dusk by the time that I’d given up on archery for the day, although there’d been several comfort breaks. A combination of boredom, pain and frustration led me to metaphorically lay down my arms and walk away.

Twilight and Rainbow had left a short while earlier, Fairfeather also, leaving Eve, Eva and I to stumble around the castle’s many corridors in search of civilisation. Eve’s silence had been particularly noticeable, but that was soon to change.

“I never saw you that bothered by something before.”

“Hmm?”

I wasn’t expecting that sort of comment at this point. Though, thinking back, I hadn’t paid much attention to anyone since I set foot outside. “Back there- wherever we were. You were there for so long,” she continued.

It was difficult to tell if she was saying this out of frustration or if she was just making an observation. Either way, I felt a bit guilty with how I’d left them to fend for themselves; I don’t think that either of them had had a great day today.

“Sorry.”

That felt like the only natural response at the time, but Eve shook her head. “No, it’s not that,” she retorted with the urgency of someone who didn’t want their words to be misinterpreted. “You just did one thing for ages. You haven’t done that before.”

“Yeah,” Eva elaborated as she played with her hair. It looked strange seeing it draped over her shoulder. “You always do lots of different things when you’re at school.”

“That’s because I have to,” I replied. “If there were thirty Eves and Evas knocking about right now, I’d have to be jumping all over the place. I mean, look: do you see thirty little Eves and Evas running about the castle?”

Eve let out a giggle.

“Nope- it’s just us.”

“And you’re enough of a handful already,” I concluded as I pulled the girls in for a hug that lasted longer than I’d intended; I struggled to find the strength to let either sister go once I felt Eva’s forehead rest upon my cheek. Thankfully, Eve pushed away on my behalf.

“But we’ve been really good so far!”

She showed off her toothy grin as she stood proud. I continued to hold Eva’s face close to mine as I replied, “You certainly have. Look, as soon as I find this Starlight person, we’ll all do something nice as a little reward.”

“Just don’t forget about us,” Eva cautioned, her head still resting on mine- to the point where her voice rang resoundingly in my ears. She stayed with me as I stood up and placed my hand on the back of her head.

“Don’t you worry, sweetheart.”

We began moving again, enjoying the comfortable silence that’d descended upon us. Or maybe that enjoyment was one-sided, as Eve decided to speak up again.

“What’s her name?”

“Whose name?” I inquired, unsure of what she meant.

“The bow,” she answered matter-of-factly, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. “Let’s give her a name.”

“Well, what do you wanna call it?”

“Um…”

Eve thought for a while, slapping a finger against her cheek as she considered her options. “I dunno. What do you think, Eva?” she asked to the girl in question, who was currently preoccupied with chewing on her hair. It seemed that Eva was unprepared for her inclusion into the conversation; she looked up at me for guidance, but she found no answers in my neutral expression. I pulled a couple of strands of the girl’s hair out of her mouth whilst she considered her options, the auburn frizz sticking messily to her cheek.

“Um…Waffles?” Eva suggested.

“Waffles?” I repeated back to her. “Are you just hungry?”

“…yes.”

“You’re so transparent.”

Turns out, we didn’t have to wait long for dinner; the three of us could apparently be heard from anywhere in the castle at all times, and dinner had been prepared at the soonest hint of our arrival. Celestia herself had even been so kind as to join us. As I tried to get to grips with this level of unconditional comfort, the princess explained her reason for coming down to see us.

“I hope that Equestria has treated you well,” she asked as she watched me peck away at my meal.

“It keeps me well-fed,” I mumbled, the food in my mouth both setting a bad example and making me difficult to understand.

“I am very glad,” Celestia responded. “I hope your training has been beneficial to you, because you will be leaving to find Starlight Glimmer tomorrow.”

The clanks of several sets of forks filled the room.

“Tomorrow?!” I spat out my words along with my food. “B-but I’m not ready to-”

“-I have full confidence in your ability.” Celestia kept her head high and her eyes closed as she spoke. “I will speak with you more in the morning. I will also provide you with something of use just before you leave.”

“But I’m not even close to being ready to-”

“-Do not worry. I have the utmost confidence.”

And with that, she just left, leaving me to think over the implications of what she’d said. Truth be told, it didn’t matter if she stayed or left- I was too stunned to speak. We all were. I didn’t have to look over to the two sisters to know that. Eventually, I dared to glance over at the pair, only to see two girls who looked as if the world was caving in.

I could tell that peace would be in short supply tonight.