Kind Hands

“How do you feel about the griffon?”

“Fairfeather? He’s alright.”

“…Is that all?”

“He’s a bit of a wetter, now I think about it.”

I was already far too familiar with a poor night’s sleep, but at least now I had an excuse for it. Encased in the darkness, I stood on my room’s balcony and cradled my head, trying to provide order to the discordant thoughts that flooded my mind.

My much-lamented sleeping issues were paltry compared to the task before me: not only was I expected to venture out into the wilderness with little more than a pat on the back, but I had to deal with the more immediate concern of the two girls who were likely in restless slumbers of their own.

The girls had both been deathly silent as they returned to their room, and that was far harder to take than any tantrum or flood of tears. At least then I would have had an indication as to what they were feeling; for all I knew, they could be convinced that that the world was ending. To be honest, if anything happened to me, maybe their world would be over. With nothing other than resentment, I leaned over the balcony and spat bitterly at the street beneath me, as if I was transferring the blame to the stones below.

“I understand your plight, young one,” came a voice from above. Like an extract from your favourite religious text, I was visited in the night by a deity- albeit one more bumbling and quicker to irritate.

“Oh, you alright, Luna?” I asked as I nonchalantly waved my hand in the direction of Luna’s voice.

“My well-being is of little importance, for it is you whose mind has grown restless.”

“It was more of a hypothetical question. And you can come down now.”

“Honestly… In all my years I have known few as callous towards royalty as you.”

I let out a long sigh.

“I really doubt that, princess.”

In response to this comment, Luna unfurled her wings in an attempt to instil some authority into the exchange. I found this to be fairly unimpressive, so I merely shrugged and turned my gaze back down to the city below.

“I should have you flogged for the way you treat royalty in this castle,” Luna started with a firm tone. I did little more than look over my shoulder at the princess; her intimidatory display felt forced. “But I cannot say that I mind the change.”

Her softer, more casual tone returned immediately, as the princess shook away the firmness that she felt compelled to portray. A silence followed, with only the wind providing any accompaniment. It was in this lull that I decided to speak up. “So, what’re you here for?”

“It is clear that the thought of your imminent departure is affecting your well-being.”

I turned towards her in order to provide some kind of sardonic comment, but I stopped once I caught the gaze of the princess. Her eyes were sorrowful- regretful, even; it was a stark contrast to the stern-faced admonishment that was befitting of a long-ruling monarch.

“I should stop looking people in the eyes- it’s not good for my conscience.”

My comment brought a smile to Luna’s lips; it must’ve been nice for her to have a more casual conversation.

“You are not alone in that regard, young human. But even so, I came to wish you good luck on your travels.”

“That’s-”

“-Please do not speak.”

Luna raised a hoof defensively.

“I know that you have reservations with how early my sister has sent you on your way but believe me when I say that you are more than capable. We would not simply push you out into a dangerous situation if we did not feel that you were prepared.”

Her speech was nice, but I was still unconvinced, saying nothing. In response, Luna closed the distance between us.

“We are not sirens who lead ponies to their deaths. Truth be told, your intrusion has been a welcome one. Even if you feel as if you are not prepared, I will ensure that you will not leave alone.”

I nodded in affirmation, indicating for Luna to continue.

“…And I will ensure that your foals are taken care of as well.”

I grimaced at the mention of the little ones. After everything that had been said, it was difficult to tell if the girls’ well-being was more important than my own. Either way, I felt the urge to speak up.

“Please take care of them. They’re the only thing I-”

I had wanted to say more, but I was interrupted by Luna leaning into me and softly stroking my cheek with her hoof. My words were instantly caught in my throat as I was momentarily captured in the princess’ caress.

“You need to learn when to let things pass you by,” she whispered to me, her breath feeling warm as it collided with my cheek. “I told you that they will be taken care of- believe me when I say it.” She turned to leave, but as she did so, she raised her head in the air to regain a sense of superiority.

“Do not mistake my actions tonight for romantic interest- I am simply one companion comforting another.”

I had little interest in her explanation. Even so, Luna’s actions, however unorthodox they may have been, did bring me back from the brink somewhat, and I felt my body relax as I felt my dreams calling out to me. “You take care now, Luna.”

Luna gave one more look over her shoulder before wordlessly taking off back into the night sky.

“What a dozy mare…” I mumbled to myself. I shook my head as I mulled over what Luna had said- as well as what she did. Although she may not have brought me much comfort, I was slightly honoured that she would take the time to speak to me in my time of need. Such a philanthropic gesture.

“I guess I’ll give sleep another go.”

And the sleep seemed to have worked, to an extent. Morning arrived, shrouded in a subdued sense of inevitability; Eve and Eva’s collective withdrawal felt just as unavoidable. I predicated their distance; it was the only thing I expected them to do. I certainly wasn’t going to hold it against them.

Out of the three of us, the one who appeared to be the least affected by my task was me. The conversation from the night before did wonders for me, given how clear my head felt. General reluctance aside, I could hardly imagine being in a more appropriate mental state. Granted, this feeling was likely a temporary one, so it made all the more sense to get going before I lost my momentum.

“I’m not going,” Eve suddenly called out from her space on the bed. “I want to stay here.” She glared at the bed covers beneath her as she refused to raise her head. Beside her, Eva looked on at her sister’s defiance, although she lacked the necessary spirit as her eyes threatened to flood once again.

“Eve…” I started before trailing off once I received no reply. “I’ll be going soon… don’t you want to say goodbye?” Another bout of silence confirmed that the girl in question was unwilling to compromise. I didn’t know what to do. Maybe letting her simmer was the right solution here.

Eva looked similarly at a loss, as she made inquisitive glances between the two of us. She proved to be a conflicted figure, but her eyes finally rested on her sister, who had already pressed her face into her pillow. Eva rushed over to join in with the misery, and she wordlessly lay to one side.

Again, I had no idea what to say- whether to peel the girl away or not. I found that no words would leave my mouth as I quietly gathered my backpack and headed for the door.

Any good graces that I may have had from my conversation with Luna had completely evaporated by the time that I’d made my way to Celestia’s throne room. The response, or lack thereof, from the girls ate away at me with each step as I desperately searched for the princess- not in order to begin my journey any sooner but in order to find somebody who was willing to break the silence.

Heading into the throne room in a daze, I caught sight of the princess- along with somebody who I didn’t recognise. Someone tall and proud, prouder than the princesses. With his nose so high in the air, it was difficult to accurately discern his facial features, although they were likely immaculate if the owner’s coat and mane were any indication. His coat a pure-white, his mane blonde and combed to an excessive extent. He was obviously a stereotype- a caricature of a vain royal who possessed all of the dreaded characteristics that the princesses did not.

After living with royalty for a few of nights, I’d had some experience with nobles and their ‘fair maidens’. With this information, I came to the sound conclusion that the pony in front of me was thoroughly unspectacular- to the point where the only noteworthy thing about him was how unspectacular he looked.

The tuxedo he wore was similarly uninteresting- aside from the fact that the material seemed to come to an abrupt halt at the top of his back. In one of its pockets was the finest rose that had ever been stolen from the royal garden. I’d originally hoped that there was more to this pony, but I’d soon learn that I’d be able to write a summary of this guy on the back of a stamp.

He was a pony who demanded a reception that he did not deserve.

The noble’s behaviour certainly wasn’t anything befitting a noble, however, as he began a regular inspection of me and my supposed features. I say this because I very blatantly watched this guy’s eyes look me over, scanning my body in a way that caused me to shiver. I bet he liked that.

He must’ve been too preoccupied to notice that I’d caught onto him. Once he had, the noble instinctively tasked his eyes with routine, fabricated glances at nothing, licking the corners of his mouth as he did so. Taking the last few days into account, this felt like a new low. Close to turning my arse around and going back to bed, I immediately wheeled round to look at the Celestia, making a conscious effort to remove this new voyeur-in-waiting from my sight.

“I really don’t need this.”

I found no solace in Celestia. Instead, the stallion on the outside of my vision cleared his throat and began his introduction. “My name is Blueblood,” he announced to the world.

Even Blueblood’s voice was contentious. His voice was so thick with an aggravating level of arrogance that I immediately tuned myself out of Blueblood’s minute self-introduction. He spoke with the exact level of pomposity that I’d expected from that tart Rarity when I first saw her. I miss her. She was a goodun. I doubt she would show this much arrogance after being caught eyeing up the locals.

“Prince Blueblood to be particular. I am a distant nephew of Princess Celestia and I expect you to treat me as such.”

Right, ok. Any unease that I felt before this knobhead opened his mouth completely dissipated, giving way to an overwhelming feeling of disinterest. I shoved my way past the prince, ruffling the little thing’s mane as I did so.

“Hey, that’s cute,” I mentioned to Blueblood with a condescending tone of my own, much to the prince’s horror. As the sounds of panic-induced gasping filled the air, I turned back to Celestia. “Don’t tell me he’s coming with me,” I implored with clear annoyance. If Eve and Eva’s safety didn’t matter to me, I would’ve happily chucked Blueblood out the window and taken the girls instead.

Celestia never lost her smile as she began to speak. “You already know my answer,” were the words that slid past her cursed lips.

“Oh, brilliant- I’m glad that we agree that it would be a dreadful idea to take him with me.”

“You’ll need to do better than that. He is more skilled than you may think.”

“Skilled at what- tax evasion? Look, unless you want me to get him killed for you, I’m not interested.”

“I would like for you to take him with you so that he can see the world through his own two eyes. You do spend far too much time in your ivory tower, Blueblood.”

The prince was too busy regaining his composure after what he would likely refer to as a ‘violation’ to react to any of our comments.

“Yeah, well, he needs to keep those eyes to himself before someone pulls them out of his head. I’d rather just go on my own.”

“You wanted a guarantee of your safety, didn’t you? What better guarantee than a royal escort?”

“I’m sure he could make it as an escort. I’m getting paid for this right?”

“Handsomely.”

“Double the fee and I’ll take him.”

“Phrasing, David- particularly with your ‘escort’ being so close by, Celestia continued, showing little regard for her distant relative, to the point where I began to think that we’d reached some common ground. “But I suppose that that’s fair.”

“You never call me by my name- it’s always ‘young one’ or some shit like that.”

“I thought that you would appreciate the change of pace.”

I sighed at this. Rather than push any further, the princess spared me and waited for the next arrival into her throne room, perhaps assuming that this new challenger would lighten the mood.

“It’s the human-man!” a familiar griffon called out with a wave of his one-good forelimb. With Blueblood fulfilling one end of the humility spectrum, it appeared that Fairfeather had arrived to fulfil the other, whilst I was forced to act as the pivot in this social seesaw. I was relieved at least to have somebody more grounded to keep me company- I would’ve shattered Blueblood’s kneecaps and left him at the side of the road if it was just the two of us.

On that note, Fairfeather’s introduction was not received particularly well by Blueblood, who very quickly snapped out of his melodramatic trance as soon as the griffon entered the room. “That has no business even breathing the same air as one such as myself,” Blueblood announced to nobody in particular, his nose high in the air. “If you had not somehow blundered your way into my nation’s military, I would have you swatted out of the air like the mosquito you are.”

I turned to stare Celestia down after this comment, and I was delighted to see her reciprocate. “Blueblood, I will not accept bigotry in this castle,” she calmly chastised. “Anypony with a mindset like yours would never be entrusted with ruling a country.”

“But you must understand that that thing is an abomination!” the prince rebuked, his voice cracking on those final few syllables. Although taken aback by the princess’ directness, the prince was undeterred in his view of the griffon and was keen to let everybody else know how he felt. Either to his credit or his detriment, Fairfeather thankfully offered no response, instead quite wisely heading in my direction.

“It is the human-man, back again, I see, right, my friend?” the griffon asked, seemingly incapable of ending his sentence. As I wondered how the hell I was supposed to respond to a statement like that, I softened the look on my face in its display of murderous intent. In fairness, nothing in the last few minutes had made me feel even slightly confident, so the resentful grimace was always one moment away from springing forth again.

“Yeah, hello, yeah,” I lethargically sighed to the griffon. “It’s nice to see you. When can we leave? I wanna get this over with…”

“Oh yeah! Let’s go, bro. Let’s…let’s…go…bro?”

“…Are you gonna be like this throughout this whole thing? Because if you are, you can also f-”

“-No, I can chill and be calm and please take me with you- don’t leave me here again,” Fairfeather all-but growled at me as he grabbed me by my shirt to emphasise his point. The emotion present on the griffon’s face in that moment was too much for me to discern, despite how close he was to me. I pushed him away and turned to Blueblood, inspecting my party of adventurers. I was very clearly fucked.

“Ah, bloody hell- let’s just get this over with.”

The journey to the castle steps was a quiet one; none of us were particularly interested in conversation. However, as soon as I was moment’s away from feeling the morning air’s cool embrace, my hand was roughly yanked backwards by a familiar force. I had no idea how I hadn’t heard her, but now I was able to watch someone’s resolve dissolve right in front of my very own eyes.

“Please don’t go!” Eva sobbed pathetically as she tried to drag me back into the castle. As she lost the physical battle against me, she looked up at me in the hopes that she could sway me through sympathy, but each step that I took surely made her plan of attack seem less and less practical. With nothing to lose, she leaped up and attempted to swing from my right arm, causing me to stop from the sudden pain.

“I have to, sweetheart,” I reassured her, although I was sure that nothing would’ve appeased her in that moment. I navigated my free arm to hoist the girl up and press her against my right shoulder. “I know it’s not what you want- I mean, it’s not what I want either- but I have no choice. I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

My weak-willed words of reassurance were far from adequate in calming the young girl down. If anything, they seemed to upset her further as the flow of tears began to increase. Suddenly, she lifted her head from my shoulder and shrieked- a sorrowful wail of despair that reminded me of what was at stake.

She seemed to have lost most of her energy after that, slumping back down onto my chest and weakly letting out bursts of, “Please, please, please.” I merely stood in place, ears ringing and with a painful thudding in chest, focusing on keeping a cool head amongst the emotion. Eva’s sorrow wasn’t lost on me, but the last thing that this situation needed was any more tears.

I stretched both my arms out and held the little one at arm’s reach, watching her shake as her hands had nothing to hold. “I promise you- I promise you, okay- I’ll come back,” I implored her, only to be met with a pair of eyes that looked as if they didn’t believe a word I said.

“No… No, you won’t.”

“I will,” I reaffirmed before placing Eva down alongside her sister; the latter seemed to have purposely stayed away from me up until now. Eve refused to look at me, her face scrunched into a ball of repressed emotion; it was clear what she wanted to do, but, for whoever’s sake, she lacked the will to do it.

Eve’s efforts didn’t last long as she felt the weight of her sister press into her. With this, the dam burst and soon, a mournful harmony began to flood my ears, even as I turned away from the pair, sensing a possible escape.

I knew better than to risk a glance over my shoulder at the two, as I led my party away from the scene. I felt thankful that neither of them had commented on what’d happened, although I doubt that I would’ve been able to hear them anyway.

Much like the journey to the castle steps, the walk to the station was thoroughly lacking in conversation- not that my mood seemed to have much to do with it. Blueblood led the way at the front of the pack, moving at a faster pace than expected, as he muttered about how the idea of a train journey was beneath him.

Dejected, I followed far behind with Fairfeather by my side. Neither of us said a word; the empty silence was only ever broken whenever I found a stone to kick down the path. I found some satisfaction in hearing every stone clatter a short distance before I found another that bared its resemblance- that was until I lost the strength to do even do that.

Blueblood was long gone by the time that Fairfeather and I reached the station. I was quietly delighted by this; I know that I’d joked about leaving the prince for dead, but in that moment, the mere thought of having to listen to his moaning nearly killed me.

And so, the two of us found a place in a mercilessly empty train carriage. It was clean, well-maintained, yet also hollow and lacking in colour. The whole thing lacked definition: it was… a train carriage. There was no other thought that I could muster at that time as I slumped down into one of the many empty seats.

Fairfeather sat opposite me, offering a sympathetic, “You’ll be alright,” to me. He spoke with sincerity, but, with how rough his voice was, it was hard to take him too seriously.

Still, a chance had appeared for me to vent, and I wasn’t about to turn it down. “I dunno, man,” I started as I scowled at the floor. “It’s just… I’ve left them before and… you know what- never mind. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Ok- maybe I wasn’t in the mood to vent after all. No matter. It was probably a lot easier if I just boxed it up for the moment. No need for anything too taxing so early on. “I’ve got a long time to think about this; let’s focus on what we’re here for right now.”

“Are you sure? ‘Cause you were barely holding it together back there.”

“How long’s it been- 15 minutes? I’ve had time to calm down. Let’s not dig anything back up right now.”

“You’re the boss,” Fairfeather quickly conceded, slamming his bag onto the table in front of us, causing me to jump slightly. “But listen- keep your family close, human-man. With what happened back there- I’d give ‘em two days.”

Well, that’s one way to bring a potentially touching moment to a screeching halt. “Right…” I eventually replied after my initial confusion. “Incredible that you’d be so generous…”

As I sat there wondering what else I could say after that strange comment, Fairfeather thankfully got the ball rolling. “So,” the griffon began as he leaned forward in his seat. “What are we gonna do?”

“Well, apparently, we stay on this train until it reaches the end of its line. And then we walk to a place appropriately called ‘Starlight’s Village’. Narcissist. You’ve got your map, right?”

“Yup! But what about when we get there? Have you thought of a plan?”

I pulled out a map of my own- which, before you ask, I’ve had for a while- and slammed it down on the table. Pointing to a small village near a set of mountains, I began to explain. “I think that’s the village, there- if we go there and ask around, we might be able to find out where Starlight’s gone. Celestia is convinced that she hasn’t gone too far. So…yeah.”

I’m sure that Fairfeather was beside himself when he heard of the intricacies of my plan of action. In fact, I was so sure of this that I didn’t even raise my head to check. Over time, I became very acquainted with how Starlight’s Village looked on a map- I couldn’t wait to see the shithole first-hand.

“Small words from such a big dude,” Fairfeather scoffed after he became aware that I was in no position to offer any further insight.

“I’m five-foot-six.”

Much time passed before I had the gall to remove my head from the map. As a result, peering through the train window, it was obvious that Canterlot had long been left far behind, replaced with a landscape of dying vegetation and cracked stone.

Seeing the north looking so destitute reminded me of home in a way: I love the accent, but places like Barnsley were never the same after the mines shut down. Still, where were we in this world? Were we near the equator? Is there an equator? Why was the north more of a desert than the south? So many questions for someone better informed than me to answer.

“What are we gonna do with the ‘prince’?”

I had my attention torn away from the whimsical view outside as Fairfeather began to tackle the matter at hand.

“Just gotta grin and bear it, haven’t we?”

“Hmph.”

“Well, you’ve got a few arrows. Would it really be that much of a shame if, say… one of them were to go missing and end up in that prick’s spine?”

“No, no,” the griffon quickly rebuked, waving his forelimbs in front of his face in a frantic display of opposition. “The princess would kill you.”

“I think the princess is trying to kill me anyway,” I answered with a shrug. I slumped down into my seat and tiled my head to the ceiling, closing my eyes. “If I’m gonna die, I might as well do it now…”

I half-expected to be left alone once the griffon opposite me went silent. This was not to be, however, as I was quickly jolted back to reality by the feeling of something digging into the fabric of my shirt. Throwing my eyes open, prepared for some form of confrontation, but I stopped when I saw my friend’s expression- sporting an uncharacteristic level of concern.

“C’mon dude- don’t act like that.”

The griffon’s sombre tone and unwavering facial expression portrayed a level of sincerity that I wasn’t expecting. After a slight hesitation, I gently gripped the griffon’s forelimb and removed it from my shoulder.

“Haven’t you heard of sarcasm? Like, geez- slow down, ace.”

Fairfeather stared at his forelimb as it disconnected from my shoulder. He flexed the muscles in the appendage continuously, eyes transfixed on its movement. Whatever he was doing, I left him to it as I reacquainted myself with the map, planning a possible route, until I was interrupted again.

“Hey,” Fairfeather called out to me with a smile. “We’re a team now. I need you.”

Such aggressive levels of sentimentality were lost on me. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this,” I muttered, perplexed at the conversation’s change in tone. Fairfeather remained unchanged as my comment passed through him, keeping a weak smile on his face.

“I dunno, man- can I call you ‘man’? It’s easier calling you ‘man’.”

“You technically already have...”

“Listen, man, these ponies don’t…like me.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re clingy.”

“No, not like that! They don’t treat me right- like I’m not meant to be there.”

“Well-”

“-And I feel it! I’ve felt it! All the time in the big city. It puts me on edge.”

Fairfeather’s paranoia was concerning; every vague, baseless statement he made came out faster than the one before it. I was caught between two minds: try to calm him down or humour the poor guy to see where he went. In the end… I guess I chose the latter.

“You’re a little paranoid, aren’t you?”

“I swear! Just look when we meet the ponies in that village you were talking about- you’ll see it there too.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“And you don’t judge-”

“I do-”

“-You don’t care that I’m a griffon.”

“I mean, I don’t really care about anything.”

A slam on the table snapped me out of my indifference. “That’s not true,” Fairfeather beseeched, his concerned expression returning in full force. “If you didn’t care, you’d have stayed home.”

Having shifted the tone of this mile-a-minute conversation for the second time, Fairfeather began to root through the contents of one of his bags. To be fair, it was probably a good thing that he turned his attention away from me, as I had no idea what to say to him after that. I didn’t understand his need to compliment me so incessantly, but it probably wasn’t a bad thing.

With the griffon dealt with, I had little else to do. Even relaxing was too much at the moment, as my mind refused to relax. For the next… God knows how long, all of my thoughts reverted to the two little girls that I’d come here with: it all left me feeling slightly hollow. I’d only been here for a few days, but it still hurt. Probably more than it should’ve.

I instinctively felt along my side, having grown used to the feeling of one of the little ones being slumped against it- only to be met with their absence. My heart gave a sorrowful skip as I became aware of this fact: there was nothing more than the empty space.

“I’ll be back soon…” I whispered under my breath, barely aware that I was even speaking. I forced himself to look out the window- anything to ignore the sounds that reverberated through my mind and threatened to crawl up my skin. I was certain that the girls’ voices would likely stay in the back of my mind throughout this little journey. The only hope that I held was that they would quieten down once the action started.