Chapters

In the Beginning
Life is a Cycle
Melophobia
The Horror in Pink
From Through the Looking Glass
Faceplanting at the Starting Line
Unwanted Encounters
Playing Both Sides?
I Sold my Soul for a Nutter Butter

In the Beginning
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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

In the Beginning

One of the best pieces of advice I can offer you is to always be prepared for life to punch you in the face, because the less time you spend reeling from the hit, the more you have to prepare for the next one. In addition, you should be prepared for a blow to come at all times and from any direction. No matter how unlikely it seems, no matter how secure you feel, and no matter how much experience you have, always be on guard. If it sounds like I'm telling you to be paranoid, that's because that's exactly what I'm telling you. Just don't be too paranoid, because I can tell you from personal experience that it will cause you a lot of avoidable stress. But before we get into all of that, allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Jack Daniels.

Yeah, yeah, get the laughter and alcohol jokes out of your system. Nothing I haven't heard before.

With that out of the way, let's get back on track. My name is Jack Daniels, little brother of Jill Daniels (my parents have quite the sense of humor, if you couldn't tell), and son of Ezra and Minerva Daniels. I have average height, average looks, am a solid B- student, and have the sort of hobbies one might expect of your run-of-the-mill teenager. I have a decent relationship with my parents, and a bit of a rocky one with my sister. All things considered, I was a pretty average guy before this whole mess got started. Now, well...while I wouldn't consider myself average anymore, I like to think I'm the most normal person I know.

It all started when my parents pulled Jill and I aside one day and told us that we were moving to Canterlot, Virginia. My sister made a big fuss about the whole thing, but I more or less accepted it. While Jill had no desire to leave behind her friends, I was a little excited by the prospect of moving to a place where neither of us had a reputation (not that I'd tell her that). So despite her protests, we started packing up for the move that summer. After a big going away party and a lot of tears, we made the drive from Georgia to our new home.

Our arrival to Canterlot was pretty uneventful for me, but that was because I slept through a lot of it. I didn't get the chance to get accustomed to my new home after arriving since, due to a number of complications, our drive to the Old Dominion State was delayed up until the day before school started at Canterlot High. So once we got there, we had just enough time to do a bit of unpacking before going straight to bed.

I didn't give it much thought at the time, but that one decision would have major consequences for the rest of my high school career.

My troubles began when the bus pulled up to the house that morning. I entered ahead of my sister and rounded the corner to find...

I blinked, not able to process what was in front of me.

"Stop standing in the middle of the aisle! Go find a seat!" Jill whispered, lightly pushing me forward. Still in shock, I could do little more than silently walk forward and take an open seat in the very back. After sitting down, I took the chance to look around without having to worry about meeting any of my fellow passenger's eyes.

Everyone on that bus aside from my sister was...colored.

...

Don't give me that look. I mean that they were literally colored; as in, they looked like cartoon characters. Their skin and eye colors ranged from dark purple to lemon yellow, while their hair almost inevitably sported one or more unnatural colors. And I could tell that none of this was artificial. No, the weird coloration was all completely natural.

Naturally, I didn't know what to think. Was I dreaming? Was something wrong with my head? Had I wandered into a town of human-eldritch monster hybrids like in "The Shadow Over Innsmouth"? I just sort of sat there and stared at everybody the entire ride, unable to decide what was going on and what I should do about it. I didn't snap out of my daze until we reached the school. I looked out the window, and unfortunately for my sanity, everyone else in sight looked just as bizarre as the students on the bus.

In hindsight, I probably looked really weird as I followed the throng of students into the building. My eyes were wide, I was staring at everyone, and I visibly flinched the first time one of them brushed up against me. Some of them even noticed and started shooting me looks in return, which caused my anxiety to skyrocket. It wasn't until I saw Jill chatting with one of the cartoon people that I wrenched myself out of auto-pilot mode.

"Why does she look so calm? How is she so unfazed by all of this... weirdness?" I thought.

Thinking back, I realized that she didn't seem shocked on the bus either. She'd just pushed me and then acted like nothing was amiss after taking her seat. Was she just a really good actor? Did she know something I didn't?

"I don't know what is going on, but I need to find out."

With a deep breath, I walked over and tapped her on the shoulder, careful to avoid the gaze of the pink and dark blue-haired person(?) next to her.

"Sis, can I talk to you for a second?"

Jill said something to the girl, causing her to nod and walk away, before turning to me.

"What is it?" she asked.

I paused for a moment, carefully considering my next words. I needed to find out more about the situation I was in without drawing too much attention to myself. After weighing my options, I finally decided on what I concluded to be a subtle, yet concise choice.

"Why aren't you freaking out about all the colored people?" I finally asked.

Unfortunately for me, sometimes I can be really stupid.

Jill blinked, "What?"

I just gestured at the students around us.

"You don't find the fact that our new schoolmates come in every color of the rainbow a little weird? I don't know about Virginia, but people looked normal down in Georgia."

Jill's eyes widened slightly, but her bewildered expression remained, "What?"

I gestured at the pastel people again, this time a little more manically than before.

"They look like cartoon characters, Jill! I can't be the only person who notices that! I know that you're probably a little freaked out too, but-"

A series of grumbles from close by caught my attention. I looked around to see a small crowd had formed around us. A quick evaluation of their expressions told me three things: that I wasn't as quiet as I'd thought I was being, that they'd heard me, and that they were not happy. I froze like a deer in the headlights, trying to calculate the fastest route to the front door and preparing to throw myself into the horde to buy my sister time to escape. Just before I could put my plan into action, Jill spoke up with an awkward laugh.

"Sorry everyone, my little brother has a unique sense of humor. Ignore him."

I could barely contain my grin as Jill dragged me to the side.

"My sister is a genius! She distracted the pastel people like a pro and is going to get us out of here in one piece! I take back every mean thing I've ever said about you; you're the best big sister in the whole wor-"

Jill shot me the deepest scowl I'd ever seen, and sent my heart sinking into my stomach.

"I don't know if this is some sort of stupid joke, but you need to cut it out. I swear, if you ruin my first impression here because you're trying to be funny, I'll-!" She took a few deep breaths before continuing in a more restrained tone, "Just...just don't act like a total weirdo. And if you do, then don't talk to me in public."

With that, she strode back over to the girl she was talking to earlier, a pleasant smile plastered on her face.

And just like that, I was cast adrift in a sea of unnaturally colored cartoon teens. Teens who still didn't look very happy to see me.

"Psst, hey! Lift up your head and look at me!"

A feminine voice whispered from my right. It seemed like someone was trying to get my attention, but I was in no mood for conversation. I sat in the farthest chair from the entrance, right in the back left corner, with my head on my desk. After the incident with my sister and an awkward call with my mom that yielded similar results, I decided the best course of action was to try and avoid the...whatever they were. So I planned on ignoring the speaker at first, but her next words made me freeze.

"Good to meet someone else who knows that something weird is going on in this place."

I warily looked up and studied her appearance more closely. She was an older looking girl with light purple skin, dark purple hair with cyan streaks tied back into a ponytail, and piercing violet eyes. She wore a violet vest over a black t-shirt, a knee-length black skirt, and slightly scuffed boots. Seeing her gave me a faint sense of recognition, and I realized after a moment that she'd been one of the people who'd overheard my conversation with Jill.

She easily met my gaze and stuck her hand out to me with a grin.

"Starlight Glimmer!" she introduced herself confidently.

I managed to not react at her name, but it took a lot of restraint. Something else I'd learned about the inhabitants of this school were their bizarre naming conventions. I'd heard names such as Ice Flower, Corn Pop, and now Starlight Glimmer.

After a moment of hesitation, I cautiously accepting her handshake, "Jack Daniels. So...you also realize how weird you all look? Er, no offense."

"None taken." Starlight didn't seem bothered by my poor word choice, which was good. "You might want to switch up your vocabulary, though. Take it from someone with personal experience: people don't like to be told that they look funny."

"Ah."

"Also, make sure you wait till there aren't any eavesdroppers around when speaking about this sort of stuff. Talking about conspiracies in a crowded place is a rookie mistake, Jack." Her grin widened, "But don't worry about that! From now on, you've got a friend who'll make sure you don't make anymore blunders!"

I did not like the look in her eyes when she said that. "Friend?"

Starlight laughed at the clear trepidation in my voice, "Don't look so nervous, Jackie!"

"Don't call me that."

She ignored me, "The two of us will take good care of you!"

"Two of us?"

"I've got a friend I'd like to introduce you to. She's got a similar view on things as you, and she won't call you crazy like everyone else." She placed a hand on my shoulder before finishing, "So what do you say? You wanna join my little group?"

I weighed my options. On the one hand, she and (presumably) her friend were pastel people just like everyone else in the school. Naturally, this made me nervous. On the other hand, going along with her would mean I had two more people on my side than I would otherwise, along with reassurance that I wasn't losing it. It was clear that I was in over my head, and having people who would listen to me would probably be best for my mental state in the long run.

Also, I thought Starlight was kinda cute. Possible eldritch being of unknowable horror or not, she was still a pretty girl who was offering to voluntarily spend time with me. To a high-school age boy like me, that was more than enough to override my survival instincts.

After a moment of thought, I nodded.

Her smile became absolutely radiant. "Great! Class is about to start, but I'll find you at lunch and fill you in on everything then."

Of course, that turned about to be a lie. She was quiet for all of three minutes before leaned over and started peppering me with questions like "How long have you lived in Canterlot?", "What's your family like?", and "What does the concept of equality mean to you, and what are the implications of your answer for how you live your life?" I answered her questions to the best of my ability, she gave a satisfied nod, and we both turned our attention back to the front of the classroom. Then, about three minutes later, she'd lean back over and pepper me with another set of questions.

The first half of that day continued in much the same fashion. The classes were the standard "welcome to class, here's the syllabus, blah blah blah" that all first days are, so I didn't have much in the way of work to worry about. In fact, I was more focused on chatting with Starlight than anything else, which led to me getting scolded a few times (something I was not in the proper headspace to care about).

Little did I know, my classmates were taking note of my friendly interactions with Starlight. It turned out that the eccentric girl had quite a reputation among her peers, and the mere act of being friendly with her would color others' perception of me in a major way.

Ah, the cafeteria: where cliques reign supreme and scorn is heaped upon all who fail to meet the standards of the ruling class. Overdramatic? Perhaps, but it's certainly true of my experience. As you'll come to see, I grew to both love and hate that place. Well, mostly hate, but I did make some good memories there.

Anyway, as soon as the lunch bell rang, Starlight had immediately sought me out, intercepted me before I could get cold feet, and dragged me to the lunch room. After we got our food, she led me over to the far side of the room, where a lone figure sat at an otherwise empty table. The figure had mint green skin, hair of the same color aside from large white streaks on either side of her head, golden eyes, and a pink headband that sported a burgundy flower on the left side.

"Hey, Lyra! I brought a guest!"

The figure looked up from her food, initially with a smile, but then a frown when she saw me. She sized me up, giving me a look of suspicion while she did so.

"Jack, this is Lyra Heartstrings. She's the friend I told you about!"

Lyra turned to Starlight, "Star, who is this?"

"This is Jack Daniels, and he's gonna be the newest member of our little group. This duo is turning into a trio!"

"Oh really? And what about him interests you?"

"Because Jack here is just like you!"

Lyra perked up, "You also believe that there's another dimension parallel to ours, and that it's inhabited by magical horses and star spirits?!"

I just stared, "What?"

Lyra's smile vanished, and she slumped down into her chair.

Starlight ignored the bewildered look I was giving both of them and placed a comforting hand on Lyra's shoulder. "Don't worry, Ly. He's new in town, and he's only just realized that something weird is going on. I'm sure he'll come around; he's a nice guy if you take the time to talk to him. I'm sure we'll both have him as a friend in no time!"

Lyra looked up with watery eyes, "R-Really?"

"Of course!" Starlight turned to me, "Isn't that right, Jack?"

I blinked owlishly, "Um, what was that about magical horses?"

Starlight waved her hand, "We'll get to that part later. For now, we should eat. I'm starving!"

With that, she plopped down in one of the empty seats and began devouring her veggie burger. I just stood and stared for a moment, seriously pondering the wisdom of my life choices.

"...So, you think something weird is going on in Canterlot? What did Starlight mean by that?," Lyra asked shyly.

"Oh, well-" I was cut off.

"Shhhh!" Starlight leaned in with a conspiratorial grin, "There are too many ears here; we'll talk about it back at Lyra's house."

I was silent for a moment, "Lyra's house?"

She looked confused for a few seconds before going, "Oh yeah! You're coming over to her house with us today."

"...I am?"

"Duh, how else am I going to catch you up to speed? Also, it'll be a good chance for us all to bond!"

Lyra smiled, "I'd like that."

"Will your parents mind?" I blurted out.

"Of course not," she replied.

"Great!" Starlight said, before pulling a raw potato out of her lunch box and taking a bite out of it as if it was an apple. While I gaped at Starlight, Lyra continued talking.

"Don't worry about getting there, by the way," Lyra gave me a knowing smile. "I'll drive us."

My mouth opened and closed, trying and failing to come up with something to say in response to this absurd situation. While I was doing that, Lyra gently eased me into the chair next to her and proceeded to engage Starlight in a discussion of which I didn't take part.

Now, I know what you're thinking: why didn't I run for the hills? Well, the day's events had basically shocked me into a compliant state. No matter how weird they were, they were at least willing to hear me out when no one else would. It may seem like a small thing, but having someone lend a listening ear when no one else will is a powerful thing.

And yes, the fact that they were both pretty girls certainly didn't hurt. Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't think the same thing if you were in a similar position!

...

...No, nothing romantic ever sprouted between either of the girls and I.

...

*sigh* You sound just like Sunset, you know that?

Author's Note

Don't take this story too seriously, because I sure ain't.

Criticism of any kind is welcome, so long as you don't say mean things about me :rainbowdetermined2:

Life is a Cycle
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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

Life is a Cycle

It was about halfway through dinner when I realized that my phone was dead.

After we all sat down to eat, Mr. and Mrs. Heartstrings engaged the three of us in conversation. Well, mostly Lyra and Starlight. Though I was occasionally spoken to, I spent most of my time savoring Mrs. Heartstrings's fantastic cooking. A part of me was miffed that my hosts seemingly had little interest in talking to me, but given that it kept Mr. Heartstrings's attention off of me for the most part, I was happy to keep quiet. Unfortunately, this arrangement did not last forever, and my attention was rudely ripped from my taco bowl by the voice of my newfound royalist friend.

"...if that's okay with you, Jack."

I froze mid chew and looked at Lyra. She was holding her phone in both hands, a hopeful expression on her face.

Starlight noticed my deer-in-the-headlights expression and graciously intervened before awkward silence could set in.

"Lyra was suggesting that you swap numbers with the two of us so we can stay in contact."

I instinctually glanced at Mr. Heartstrings. He met my gaze, a neutral expression on his face. Now, I have a healthy fear of protective dads after an event in seventh grade that I will not elaborate on, and that stare was bringing up some bad memories. I turned to Lyra and opened my mouth, ready to shoot down her idea as gently as I could. However, when I saw the excited hope in her eyes, my words got caught in my throat. I couldn't do it. Pissed off dad be damned, she was getting that number.

"Sure, Lyra."

Lyra's radiant smile made another appearance when I accepted. After taking a moment to remind myself how to breathe, I glanced back at her Dad. He...didn't look mad? Granted, he didn't look happy either, but I decided to count it as a win nonetheless. After confirming that I was not going to be chased out of the house with a makeshift weapon, I pulled out my phone and tried to turn it on. An empty battery symbol flashed on the screen.

"Sorry, looks like my phone is dead. Is there a charger I can borrow?"

Mrs. Heartstrings pointed to the kitchen, "There should be one over on the kitchen counter."

I thanked her and walked over to the counter. Sure enough, there was a phone charger. I plugged my phone in and made my way back to the kitchen table.

"I guess we'll have to swap numbers later. We can do it when I'm about to head home."

"That's alright. Thanks for agreeing!" Lyra chirped.

I smiled, and prepared to dig back into my taco bowl, but was interrupted again.

"That reminds me: when and how are you going home, dear?" Mrs. Heartstrings asked. "Will your parents be picking you up, or will I need to give you a ride?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but stopped. This time, an awkward silence did descend over the dining room.

"Do you...not know?" Mrs. Heartstrings guessed.

I tried to deny it. Looking like an idiot in front of a new friend's parents wouldn't make for a good first impression. Unfortunately, I don't always think quickly under pressure, and the ensuing silence threatened to turn awkward once more. Luckily, Starlight came to my rescue again.

"He had a rough day, and I did kinda drag him here as soon as school ended. If anything, it's my fault he forgot. You know how I am with forgetting! Remember that time I forgot to get your daughter a birthday present, and then tried to get her one but got arrested for shoplifting, and then we had to reschedule the party until after my Dad bailed me out?! I do! Ha ha ha ha!"

Mr. and Mrs. Heartstrings just looked fondly at Starlight. Not that I blamed them, I was probably doing the same after that save. The shoplifting thing didn't bother me, as it was probably the most normal thing I'd learned about her all day.

"Yeah, I forgot. Don't worry, Mrs. Heartstrings, I'll arrange something with my parents once I finish eating," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. I don't want to bother you with giving me a ride after you've already made me dinner. Speaking of which..."

I sat down, and picked up my fork, ready to resume my meal when I was once again interrupted. I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone unleashed a cacophony of notification alerts. I looked back at it, seeing that it was vibrating so much it was shaking some of the items around it on the counter, and then looked back to my meal. With a sigh, I set down my fork and trudged over to the charging station.

My lock screen was cluttered with missed call notifications and increasingly urgent texts from my family.

Missed Calls (5): Jill

Messages (25): Jill

Messages (13): Mom

Missed Calls (9): Mom

Missed Calls (2): Dad

It was at this point that I remembered that not only did I forget to arrange a way home, but that I'd also forgotten to tell anyone I was going to a friend's house in the first place. Figuring that I better let my family know I wasn't dead as soon as possible, I quickly weighed my options before dialing my Dad's number. The call was answered immediately.

"Jack?! Is that you, son?!"

I flinched back from my Dad's bellowing voice.

"Yeah, Dad. Sorry, my phone die-"

"Where the hell are you, boy?!"

"I-"

"We've been looking all over town for you! Your mother's a wreck, and your sister is pacing a hole in the floor! I was just about to call the police, for Pete's sake!"

"Okay! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I took a few deep breaths before continuing in a calmer tone, "I'm over at a friend's house. Two of my friends invited me to hang out, and I hitched a ride with them. I'm sorry for not telling anyone, but I had a rough day, and it just slipped my mind."

Dad took a moment of his own to calm his breathing, "I'm happy for you, son, but that doesn't excuse—"

I never heard the end of that sentence because the phone was yanked out of my hand. I whirled around just in time to see Starlight press it to her ear.

"Hello, Mr. Daniels. This is Starlight Glimmer: founder of the HEH, and new best friend of your son!"

She turned and gave me a confident grin and a wink.

"Yep, I met him this morning and introduced him to a friend of mine! We all have a lot in common, so we instantly clicked. He was practically jumping at the chance to join! But anyway, don't be too mad at Jack. I was the one who dragged him here. Sorry for kidnapping him." Her eyes widened, and her grin tightened. "I-I mean, sorry for abducting him! I-I mean, s-sorry for forcing him to come to an unknown location without anyone's knowledge! Wait, let me start over—!"

This time, Lyra yanked my phone away from Starlight. I assume she was planning on smoothing things over before the police was called to kick down her door, but she went rigid the second my Dad's voice came through.

"Ah...um, well, you see..."

She gave up on trying to say anything and thrust the phone into my hands.

"Sorry about all that, Dad," I said. "I'm fine, Starlight just misspoke."

The other end of the call was silent for a moment before he chuckled. I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or scared at the sound.

"I'm coming to get you. What's the address you're at?"

I got the address from one of the Heartstrings's power bills, which Lyra had helpfully handed to me when I started frantically looking around, and told him.

"Alright," he replied. "I'll be there in a minute, son. I'll also let you mother and sister know what's going on."

I said goodbye, and he hung up. I turned to the others and gave an apologetic smile.

"Looks like I'll be going home soon. Sorry for all that."

Starlight and Lyra shared a worried look.

"He's not mad at you, is he?" asked Lyra.

"Probably a little, but don't worry. He's a good Dad. He'll just get on my case on the ride home about letting others know where I'm going, and about how I need to keep my phone charged."

After I reassured them, the girls visibly relaxed. Especially Starlight, who was probably worried that her cult induction had gotten me in trouble.

"That's a relief. I'll make sure to remind you to give your parents a heads up next time I bring you to an HEH meeting," said Starlight.

"Oooh!" Mrs. Heartstrings exclaimed. "Did Jack join your club?"

Starlight's brow furrowed, "It's not a club. It's an organization devoted to love and—"

"Yes, I did," I interrupted.

Mrs. Heartstrings's eyes sparkled, "I guess that means I should expect to see a lot more of you from now on. You ought to tell me what kind of food you like so I know what to make in the future."

"If all your cooking is anything like what you made today, then I think I'll enjoy anything you make me," I replied.

Seriously, I can't emphasize enough just how bomb that woman's cooking is. Mr. Heartstrings is a lucky man.

"That reminds me: I really need to finish dinner before Dad gets here." I strode over to the table and picked up my fork. This time, I would not be interrupted. I was going to eat every last bit of my taco bowl, and the fates were going to like it! I scooped up a big piece and lifted it up, my mouth watering in anticipation.

A series of knocks at the front door interrupted me.

"Are you in there, Jack? It's your father!"

It turns out that my house wasn't all that far from Lyra's. I dropped my fork and hung my head in despair.

My Dad's first meeting with Starlight and the Heartstrings family went well. After confirming I hadn't actually been kidnapped, and that I really was at a friend's house, he introduced himself to my hosts. He asked if I had caused any trouble, and Mrs. Heartstrings confirmed that that was not the case. After that, the parents engaged in some small talk while I swapped numbers with the girls. Once the adults finished talking, I was ushered out to the car.

"See you at school tomorrow!" Starlight called out. Lyra didn't say anything, but gave me a cheerful wave goodbye as we drove off.

The ride was quiet at first, but Dad quickly broke the silence.

"So, you made friends with those girls already?" He sounded pleased, which alleviated a lot of my anxiety.

"Yeah. We have...a lot in common."

Dad smirked, "I'm proud of you, son. Catching the eye of two pretty girls in less than a day? Looks like you've finally started showing the old Daniels charm."

I rolled my eyes, but didn't bother correcting him. It'd be better to have him believe that than attempt explaining the real reasons that brought the three of us together.

"Jokes aside, I'm glad you've made friends. I know how difficult things were for you back in your old school, so it's a relief to know the same thing isn't happening here."

I smiled, "Thanks, Dad."

"And if the Daniels charm does draw them in, make sure to be responsible and not do anything stupid."

"Shut up, Dad," I said, punching his shoulder.

The conversation went on for a little while after that. He made me promise to always let him or Mom know if I was going to be doing something after school, and I told him a little bit about my day and my new friends (being careful to avoid mentioning my tirade in the hallway or the girls's eccentricities). By the time I finished my heavily abridged retelling, we had arrived back at our new home.

Mom and Jill were waiting for me on the porch. Mom looked frazzled, her hair somewhat messy and her eyes slightly red. Jill, on the other hand, looked just as well-groomed and composed as she had been that morning, the only difference being the irritated expression she wore.

As soon as I slipped out of the car, Mom ran over and wrapped me in a hug.

"Oh, I was so worried, honey! I'm glad you're okay."

"Yeah, I'm fine, Mom. Sorry for the scare. Next time I hang out with Starlight and Lyra, I'll be sure to let you know beforehand."

Mom pulled back and cupped my face in her hands, an excited smile on her face, "Your father told me you'd made friends! Their names are Starlight and Lyra?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I met them when-"

"Starlight Glimmer and Lyra Heartstrings, right? Those are their names?" Like a wayward baseball shattering a neighbor's expensive vase, my sister's voice obliterated my good mood and wiped the smile off of my face.

I eyed her knowing expression with trepidation, "Yes, those are their names. What about it?"

She sighed in her usual annoyed way, "I know you want friends, but you might want to look elsewhere. I managed to befriend a few well-connected students in my class today, and they all unanimously told me that those two, among others, should be avoided at all costs. If you'd like, there are a few people I could introduce you to if you-"

"I'm not going to ditch my new friends just because your classmates said mean things about them," I deadpanned. I was also NOT about to give her the benefit of the doubt when it came to intervening in my social life again. To this day, I don't understand why she thought I'd listen to her that night, but I digress.

"It's more than just 'mean things', Jack. They're super weird! Nearly everybody I talked to said that the two of them are into some really...well, weird stuff! I heard that Lyra is completely obsessed with some fantasy world she made up, and they say Starlight is into fringe politics!" She turned to Mom and Dad, "Do you want Jack to be spending time with people like that, especially after his freak out this morning?"

Mom and Dad gave each other a long look before turning to me, clearly concerned.

"Is that true, Jack?" Mom asked. "Did those two show any signs of what Jill is talking about?"

I knew full well that all of it was true. No way I was telling them that, though.

I carefully schooled my face into a neutral expression, "No, they seemed perfectly normal to me."

Jill frowned, "That's a lie, and you kno-!"

Surprisingly, she was cut off by Dad of all people.

"Calm down, sweetie. If your brother says they're normal, then let's take him at his word. He can pick his friends for himself."

Jill's famed composure cracked, and she gave him a look of utter disbelief, "But Dad-!"

"No buts. Jack can make his own choices. If those two girls really are bad news, we'll deal with it, but right now, all you have to go on are rumors. You should know full well by now why rumors shouldn't be taken with more than a grain of salt."

Jill flinched, "I'm just trying to look out for my little brother..."

I scoffed, not even trying to hide my eye roll.

"Don't get an attitude with your sister, Jack," Mom softly reprimanded. "She is your big sister."

"She's only four months older than me," I muttered, but still relented from saying some of more mean-spirited things that popped up in my mind. "Yes, Mom."

"Good. Now, apologize to each other," she ordered.

We hesitated before initiating an awkward sibling hug. Before I could pull away, however, Jill tightened her grip and leaned over to my ear.

"Those two are pariahs," she whispered. "If you befriend them, nobody is gonna want to be around you. Just make some normal friends." She then pulled back.

"Good," said Mom. "Now start getting ready for bed. The two of you have school again in the morning!"

Jill led the way, with Mom close behind, while I leveled an unseen glare at my sister's retreating back.

Now, I know what you're thinking, and I want to address it before moving on. Despite all of the passive-aggressiveness, I don't hate Jill. Like I said, we have a rocky relationship for reasons that are unimportant to this discussion, but it won't have too much of an impact on future events. No need to worry: this account is not going to descend into an angsty family drama! Nothing but magically enhanced, late puberty-tinged existential crises to be found here! Honest! Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a—!"

*BANG BANG BANG*

...!

—S-Sorry for slamming my head on the table; I won't do that again. I just—I just don't want to risk drawing...her to this place.

*shudders*

...

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Back to the story.

So, my glaring was interrupted by my Dad, who laid his hand on my shoulder. I looked up, and he met my gaze with an unusually grave expression.

"Son, I'm trusting your decision to pursue a friendship with those girls, but if it turns out that they really are cracked, there's something you need to keep in mind. No matter how hot they are, no matter how much emotional validation they give you, no matter how good they are at making out: Never. Kiss. Crazy." Dad gulped, and I found myself genuinely spooked by his thousand-yard stare. "I made that mistake once, dated an archeology major named Yearlong or something while I was still in college. Worst mistake of my life. When I tried to break up with her after graduation, she put on a knockoff Indiana Jones outfit and tracked me down to my home in Arkansas. It was a year-and-a-half before I finally lost her." He smiled then, "Luckily, I met your mother soon after, and life's been a dream ever since." The smile fell again, "I say all this to you not only as your father, but also from one man to another. Do you understand?"

I meekly nodded.

"Good." He patted me on the shoulder. "Now let's get inside. You've got another big day tomorrow."

My arrival in Mrs. Harshwhinny's class the next morning was marked by wary looks, and then outright whispering when a beaming Starlight wished me a good morning. As I half-listened to my purple pastel pal try to convince me to 'read theory' (whatever that means) and discuss it with her at the next meeting, I begrudgingly concluded that Jill had been right. More than a few people knew about the two's eccentricities, and now that I was openly associating with them, it looked like I would soon be regarded with the same poorly-disguised contempt they were directing at Starlight.

It was a disappointing realization, but it didn't make me change my mind. Why would I care what a bunch of possibly-horrific-cosmic-monster people thought of me? I'm an American, dammit, I'd befriend whatever mentally unstable cartoon characters I wanted! Plus, even if I hadn't already decided to stick with Starlight and Lyra, the knowledge that Jill didn't want me to be friends with them would've convinced me to do it anyway out of spite. With that thought, I ignored the onlookers and tried (and failed) to understand any of what Starlight was trying to explain to me.

The first three periods of school went by relatively uneventfully aside from repeated threats from Mrs. Harshwhinny, Mr. Cranky, and Ms. Peachbottom to put me in detention for chatting during class. However, that changed during lunch. By the time fourth period rolled around, I'd become acquainted with a certain Queen Bee, develop a new phobia, have my new reputation set in stone.

Author's Note

The foundation has been laid, so now it's time to set the stage. :coolphoto:

Melophobia
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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

Melophobia

Sunset Shimmer is known by many names: The Jailor Queen of Canterlot High, Biggest Meanie, and "that blackmailing bitch", to name a few. At the time of our first meeting, though, she was just the girl who had interrupted my explanation of why minimum wage laws are objectively evil, and was now eyeing me like a piece of meat (and not in the sexy way).

"Well well well, looks like the reject club finally got another member. What convinced you to hang out with Loony Lyra and Starlight Sickle? Are you an anti-social loser too, or are you just that desperate for a girl's attention?"

Knowing what I know now, I should've cowered and acted as compliant as possible until she left. Unfortunately, I made the choice to meet her gaze, stay perfectly still, and not say a word. As much as I'd like to have done this out of defiance or bravery, the truth is that I was petrified. At this point in time, I was still half-convinced that Canterlotians were eldritch monsters that wouldn't be opposed to breaking my mind and devouring my flesh.

...I'm still not sure that isn't the case for a certain pinkette...

Anyway, I reacted the way I did because I didn't want to be eaten, realized I wouldn't make it far if I tried to run, and decided to stay perfectly still instead. I hoped against hope that her sight was based on movement, and that she'd forget I was there and leave if I did nothing. Alas, I was not so lucky, and Sunset ended up taking my silence as a challenge.

"What? Do you think you're too good to answer me, or are you just stupid?"

I realized silence wasn't going to work, so I tried to choose my response carefully.

"...No?"

Sunset's smile fell into an annoyed sneer, "Oh, so you're a smart guy, then?"

"...What answer won't make you mad at me?"

She glared at me for a few tense moments before she scoffed, "Whatever. You're clearly just as awkward as those two, and if you haven't run away from them by now, you're probably just as unhinged. What's your name?"

Caught off guard by the sudden question, I blurted out, "Er, Jack Daniels."

She grinned, "I see. What should I call you, then? Should I go with 'Mad Jack', or 'Deranged Daniels'? Decisions, decisions." She swiped an apple from Lyra's plate and took a bite, "I'll get back to you once I decide which one suits you better. See you then~"

And that's how my first encounter with Sunset Shimmer went. It was stressful, but it's not like I ended up on her grudge list right off the bat. In hindsight, I got pretty lucky. I didn't stick my foot in my mouth bad enough to make her hate me, and my utter lack of popularity meant that I didn't register as a potential enemy. Because of that, she mostly left me alone until the Fall Formal came around.

She ended up choosing "Deranged Daniels", by the way. It's a real shame, because "Mad Jack" sounds kind of cool.

I watched her for a moment as she wandered over to another table and accosted its residents, and then I turned to face my friends. Both of them were warily eyeing the leather jacket-clad girl in a way that told me they knew who she was.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"That's Sunset Shimmer, the queen of this school," Lyra explained, not breaking her stare.

"She's the most influential student here. It doesn't matter what she has to do to make it happen: what she says, goes," Starlight also kept staring, intently watching the girl in question menacingly stalk through the cafeteria, students shrinking away as she approached.

It was at this moment that dark music started playing from...somewhere. I looked around in confusion for a moment, but returned my attention back to Sunset. Canterlot High's odd choice of music to play during lunch was weird, but not weird enough to divert my attention from learning more about the school's resident mean girl.

"So, she's a bully?" I asked.

"More like a mafia boss," Lyra clarified. "She keeps her hands clean enough to not get caught..."

"...but not so clean that others don't know she's not to be messed with," Starlight finished.

The temperature suddenly dipped, and I shivered.

"Did it suddenly get cold in here, or is it just me?" I asked.

What followed was the third most terrifying experience of my life so far. Starlight looked at me, took a deep breath, and started to sing.

"When a cold wind blows it chills you, chills you to the bone."

I looked incredulously at her. I was about to nip whatever this was in the bud when Lyra jumped in.

"But there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart like years of being alone."

I glanced around quickly, hoping no one had heard them. It wasn't that they were bad singers, they had great voices, but I wasn't keen on becoming the center of attention because Starlight and Lyra had watched one too many Disney movies.

"Cut it out, you two!" I hissed. "Why the heck did you start-?!"

I couldn't finish my question, because some rando from a neighboring table started singing too.

"It paints you with indifference, and makes your world seem dimmer."

The three leaned towards each other.

"And the worst of the worst-!"

"The most hated and cursed-!"

"Is the one named Sunset Shimmer!"

It was right about the moment I realized they were singing in tune with the music I'd noticed earlier that my confusion turned to dread. That dread turned to fear when, as soon as the random girl finished her line, everyone in the cafeteria stood up, pointed at Sunset (who was continuing to walk through the cafeteria like nothing was wrong), and started singing in tandem.

"Oh, there goes Mrs. Blackmail! There goes Mrs. Mean!"
"If they gave a prize for causing pain, they would crown her Queen!"

I watched all this in a sort of morbid fascination, similarly to when I first saw the pastel people that inhabit this town. Unlike then, when I was left alone to process my mounting horror, my first musical number granted me no such reprieve. Starlight and Lyra, who'd circled the table to my side when I hadn't been paying attention, laid their heads on my shoulders and wrapped their arms around mine.

"She loves info and connections, cuz she knows they give her power."

"If you are having a good day, she'll make sure it turns dour!"

"Girls," I gasped out, but they didn't hear me or notice my rising panic.

Sunset passed by two random guys at the hippie table, and they continued where my friends had left off.

"Oh, there goes Mrs. Brute Force! There goes Mrs. Greed!"

"The undisputed mistress of, the underhanded deed!"

Did I mention that the room was steadily growing darker? Yeah, that was happening. The lighting was normal around Sunset and whoever happened to be singing at any given time, creating a sort of spotlight effect, but the rest of the room had been steadily getting darker ever since that unholy musical number started, like the lighting was trying to match the music. The sun was still shining through the open windows, and the lights were still working perfectly fine (I checked multiple times as I frantically looked around the room), but it still kept darkening!

"She finds out all our secrets and bends us to her will.
She makes us do her dirty work, and makes us foot the bill!"

I started to hyperventilate. What was going on? Was this witchcraft? Was this divine punishment for my sins? Was this a ritual they would perform before sacrificing normal people like me to their technicolor pagan gods? I didn't know, and I had no desire to find out. I looked for an exit, but my panic was clouding my reasoning.

"Oh, there goes Mrs. Iron Fist. There goes Mrs. Pride!"

"The last person who got in her way, he broke down and-!"

Three things happened all at once. First, Sunset started out of the cafeteria and into the hall, and the crowd of singers surged forward to follow her. Second, Starlight and Lyra put their hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me forward along with the crowd. Third, my fear overwhelmed me, and I snapped. My memory gets pretty fuzzy here, but here's what I was told happened.

I threw up my arms, screamed like I'd just taken a chainsaw across the chest, and sprinted out the nearest door. Then, still screaming, I bolted out the front door, down the stairs, up the road, and kept running until I passed out in a nearby park from lack of oxygen.

...

Can you blame me? Maybe random musical numbers and reality distortions are common where you're from, but where I'm from, that'll get an exorcist called to your house.

Moving on, I woke up to the feeling of someone shaking my shoulder hard.

"Jack! Jack! Please say something!"

My eyes cracked open, and I saw Lyra and Starlight leaning over me.

"Eugh?"

"Thank goodness," Lyra sighed in relief.

"Are you okay?" Starlight asked, still not letting go of my shoulder. "Do you need anything? Water? A therapy dog? CPR? Tell me what you need so that you don't die!"

"Don't die? Wha-?"

Memories of what I'd been running from came rushing back, and I scrambled away from the two.

"Why'd you two follow me here? Are you planning to drag me back so you can deep fry me and sing about how good I taste?!"

They looked both confused and hurt by the accusation.

"What are you talking about? We followed you because we were worried," said Lyra.

"Yeah. Why did you freak out in the middle of the musical number?" asked Starlight.

The sincerity with which she asked the question made me want to scream, but it also helped me realize that they were not planning some terrible fate for me.

"Musical number. Are those...common?"

"Yeah, why?" asked Starlight.

I took several moments to calm my breathing. I then explained, in as steady a voice as I could, how random musical numbers and accompanying reality distortion for dramatic effect were NOT normal in the slightest.

The girls looked at me like I was telling them the sky was green, but they did their best to understand.

"So...is this like the skin color thing? Like, where it seems normal to us but is insane to you?" asked Starlight.

"I wouldn't say it like that, but yes. It'd be like if subtitles appeared under everybody who speaks in a different language."

Understanding dawned on their faces. I was relieved, both that they could see where I was coming from, and at the unspoken assurance that subtitles would not be yet another unexplainable horror I would have to confront.

Lyra wrung her hands, "...I never thought something so normal to me could be an otherworldly phenomenon." She hung her head, "Also, I'm sorry for not noticing you getting freaked out earlier. I should know better..."

"Yeah, same here," Starlight added, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Uh, it's okay. No sweat."

We stood there in awkward silence for a bit, none of us knowing what to say. Most high school friendships have at least two months of unfunny jokes and talking behind each other's backs before they can acknowledge that they have feelings. We'd only known each other for a day and a half and we were already having an emotional moment, so we were treading on uncertain ground.

Finally, Starlight broke the silence.

"Soooo, are we skipping or what?"

Lyra and I looked at her quizzically.

"I mean, we already made a scene and ran out of school in front of everyone. We're going to get in trouble anyway, so why not?"

She made a good point. Now that I'd calmed down and could look back on what had just happened with an emotion other than terror, I realized that I'd freaked out in front of the whole school. I had no desire to face everyone after that, and if skipping would give me an excuse to put off those interactions for a few hours, I was all for it.

"I'm down," said Lyra. "We can go to my house again! I'm sure my parents won't mind."

Oh yeah. Parents. I'd forgotten that the three of us have families, and that they would not be happy to learn that we'd skipped class.

"Uh, are you sure? I don't think your Mom and Dad will like to hear that I caused you to ditch."

Lyra waved off my question, "They won't, but if I tell them you had a mental breakdown, they'll understand. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened."

Starlight nodded in agreement.

I raised an eyebrow, "You gonna elaborate on that or...?"

The two smiled nervously.

"It's a bit of a long story," said Starlight. "Let's just say there's a reason no one sits with us at lunch, but it's totally not our fault."

"Well...it might be a little bit of our fault," Lyra retorted.

Starlight scoffed, "Please. Your episode was entirely that bitch Bon Bon's fault."

Lyra flinched, but said nothing.

Starlight continued, "As for me, I wouldn't have made such a scene if that anarkiddie Tree Hugger knew when to shut up. She kept going on about 'mutual aid' this and 'free association' that, and whenever I pointed out how unscientific her ideas were, she told me I needed to chill out! Maybe I wouldn't have had to chill out if she WASN'T SO DAMN-!"

"There you are!"

Startled, we spun around to face the unknown voice. Behind us, Coach Spitfire, the P.E. teacher, had rounded the corner of the trail and was now sprinting towards us.

"So much for skipping," I thought.

Spitfire came to a stop a few feet away. Then she took out her phone, made a call, and held it up to her ear.

"Principal Celestia? I found them. ...They were talking in Eventide Park. I think they were planning on skipping school for the rest of the day again."

Starlight opened her mouth to protest, but a single glare made it clamp shut.

"...Yes, they're alright. No injuries, and the boy looks like he's pulled himself back together. ...Yeah, I'll take care of it. No problem. ...Alright, goodbye."

Spitfire stuffed her phone back in her pocket and frowned down at us.

"You're lucky I heard Glimmer's yelling and found you."

Starlight turned away with an embarrassed blush.

Spitfire continued, "You two would be in a lot of trouble if you wound up in detention for skipping this early in the school year. We all know what you two are like, so none of us would be willing to cut you any slack. You're lucky all the witnesses say you were chasing after your friend." She turned to me then, "And what's your deal, new kid? You've only been here for two days, and you've already fallen in with the Difficult Duo and thrown a fit in the cafeteria? Am I going to have to listen to the Vice-Principal gripe about you in the break room too from now on?"

I tried to look as contrite as possible, "I'm sorry. I just, uh..."

"He was stressed about schoolwork," Lyra jumped in, only to shrink back when Spitfire's gaze fell on her.

"Yeah," Starlight continued. "He was super worked up about science class. You know how Mr. Cranky can be, right? Anyway, he reached his breaking point when we didn't know how to help him with his homework, and he ran out, but we were totally about to come back! We've learned our lesson about skipping, so Lyra and I would never try and convince our friend to do something like that!"

"You two are still terrible liars," Spitfire deadpanned.

With that attempt having failed, I decided to be as honest as I could, while still sprinkling in some white lies so that I didn't look crazy. I gave her a rundown of what happened, but made vague references to "anxiety" and "personal issues" while deflecting blame from my friends. Once the girls caught on to my angle, they contributed to my story with their own observations. By the time we'd finished, we'd made a pretty good excuse for everything, if I do say so myself. For all Spitfire knew, I was just a poor student having trouble adjusting to a new school, and who'd been pursued and comforted by his new friends when he cracked under the pressure.

Our testimony, combined with the facts of the incident that the coach was already aware of, would show any reasonable person that I was a delicate case that would require a careful balance of compassion and sternness to address my mental state. So naturally, Coach Spitfire sentenced me to detention on the spot, and escorted all three of us back to Canterlot High with threat of further punishment if this happened again. After telling the girls to get to class, she hauled me across campus to the gym.

Yeah, my fourth period is P.E. Lucky me, right?

With only a few precious seconds to prepare myself, Coach threw open the doors and marched me over to the bleachers. After that, she strode onto the court and addressed the class.

"Alright everyone, listen up! Today, we'll be running relays..."

I tuned out the rest of what she said. It was hard to pay attention to her when the other students' eyes were practically drilling holes in my back. I snuck a glance when Coach turned to scold a couple talkers, and sure enough, a handful of snickering students immediately looked away when we made eye contact, not even bothering to hide their smirks.

Just as I thought, the news of my freakout had already made the rounds. By the end of the day, everybody would know.

"No questions? Alright then, everybody line up!" Spitfire's voice cut through the haze of my embarrassment.

Not wanting to give her any more reasons to yell at me or provide my classmates with more ammunition, I ran over and lined up with everyone else.

The rest of the period was not fun. Spitfire made us run till my legs almost gave out. On top of that, I had to deal with stares, laughter, and vicious mockery the entire time. Some of the more kind-heartened students gave me looks of pity and concern instead, but that didn't make it any better. This all lasted for the entire period, and I had the sneaking suspicion that I would be seeing a lot more of it in the future.

So much for a fresh start," I thought bitterly.

When I trudged into detention, I was ready for an hour of boredom, homework, and more silent mockery from whoever else was in there. It was a pleasant surprise to see that the only other people in the room were a pair of familiar girls.

Lyra waved, "Heya, Jack."

"We were starting to wonder if you'd skipped out on us," said Starlight.

I gaped, "Why are you two here?"

Starlight grinned, "We skipped class."

"Not for any particular reason, of course," said Lyra. She winked.

I swallowed a lump in my throat that hadn't been there a few seconds ago, "You two are awesome, you know that?"

"The HEH takes care of its own," said Starlight. "Not being there for my new comrade in his time of need would be a violation of Rule #3 of the official Party platform."

"The star spirits have always promoted the virtues of friendship. I know I wanted a friend when I hit rock bottom, so what kind of friend would I be if I didn't do that for you or Star?" Lyra added.

I smiled. Anyone else would probably roll his eyes or be weirded out by their provided reasoning, but I found it reassuring.

"Still, thanks."

They smiled back.

It was a nice moment. What was less nice was the fact that, like earlier in the park, it dragged on. The thing about emotional moments is that they always end, and figuring out where to go after that point is about as difficult for awkward teens as resisting the urge to shoot dogs is for ATF agents. Do you make a joke and cut the tension, but risk looking like an insensitive prick? Do you double down and try to out-emotion everyone else? Do you completely change the subject? Whatever the right answer is, I didn't know it, and I could tell by their increasingly strained smiles that the girls felt the same way. Thankfully for all three of us, a third party took the burden of responding out of our hands.

"Excuse me, young man," came a voice from behind me.

I jumped. Turning around, I saw two women standing in the doorway. The first had porcelain white skin, rainbow-colored hair, and a gentle smile. The second had light blue-gray skin, dark blue hair with light blue highlights, and a stern frown on her face.

"I'm afraid you're blocking the door," continued the first woman.

"S-Sorry," I stuttered.

I stepped aside and let the two in. They walked in and shut the door behind them.

"Ms. Glimmer, Ms. Heartstrings, I hope you two are doing well," the second woman said.

"Hello, Vice-Principal Luna. And hello to you too, Principal Celestia," said Lyra.

The first woman, Celestia, returned the greeting with a wave, "Hello to you too, Ms. Heartstrings."

The two women circled around behind the front desk and surveyed us for a moment.

"Please, have a seat," the second woman, Luna, said to me.

Once I'd planted myself in a desk beside Lyra, Celestia spoke up again.

"It's always good to see familiar faces, even if I'd prefer it was under more positive circumstances." She looked at me, "But seeing as how not everyone here knows me, allow me to introduce myself. I am Principal Celestia, and this is my sister, Vice-Principal Luna."

Vice-Principal Luna gave me a polite nod, but said nothing.

"I won't be staying for long since I have many administrative duties to attend to," continued Celestia. "However, given the circumstances, I thought I would take the opportunity to talk to you three."

She turned her full attention to me, "Jack Daniels, correct?"

"Yes," I answered.

"I have been told that you caused a bit of a disturbance in the cafeteria, and then ran all the way to Eventide Community Park. Starlight and Lyra followed you there, and you were soon found by Ms. Spitfire. Are these details correct?"

I reluctantly nodded.

"Good. Now, Ms. Spitfire told us what you told her, but she believes you were lying. We'd like to hear your side of the story before drawing any conclusions. So, would you please tell us what you told Ms. Spitfire?"

She could tell I was hesitant and added, "I promise that we won't judge you. We simply want to know what happened."

I repeated everything I'd said to Coach Spitfire, and the girls gave the same supporting testimonies they'd given earlier. When I was pressed about the cause of my episode, I gave them the same unspecific references to stress and "personal issues" as before, but tried to make my sincerity as clear as possible. After all, I wasn't lying. I was just neglecting to go into detail.

When I finished, Celestia met her sister's eyes for a long moment before returning her attention back to me.

"We were also told that you planned on skipping fourth period. Is this true?"

I prepared to give her the same lie Starlight had given to Spitfire, but stopped. Though Celestia was smiling, her gaze was more piercing than even my father's. I instinctually knew that if I lied, she would know.

"...We considered it."

Luna arched an eyebrow, "Explain."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. The Vice-Principal had the same look in her eyes as her sister.

"After...what happened, I was afraid to go back. A lot of people saw me, and I knew that most of the student body would know about it by the end of the day. I didn't want to have to deal with everybody making fun of me, and we knew I was going to be in trouble anyway, so we thought we might as well skip class and put off the mockery for a day."

Their gazes softened.

"I understand," said Celestia. "Judgement from one's peers is always daunting, and the fact that they can be cruel even in the face of legitimate mental distress only makes it worse. Here at Canterlot High, we try to foster a welcoming and safe environment for all of our students, so if the other students give you any grief over what happened, please let one of us know. I promise that we'll take care of it."

I was admittedly confused by their compassion. Weren't teachers only supposed to pretend to care, or have their hands tied by the administration if they actually were genuine?

"I would like you to have a one-on-one meeting with Vice-Principal Luna sometime this week and discuss today's outburst. My hope is that you two can make a plan for making you feel welcome at this school, and to ensure something like this doesn't happen again. I'll let you two work out timing after detention."

Her warm smile quirked into a playful one, "In addition, I encourage you to talk to my sister if you ever need a listening ear. In spite of her perpetual scowl, she's performed exceptionally well as this school's guidance counselor."

Luna huffed, but didn't rise to the provocation.

Celestia continued without missing a beat, "And know that no matter how busy I may be, my door will always be open as well. I care about you, and want you to thrive at this school. Both of us do. Every teacher here wants to see that happen, even Ms. Spitfire."

Luna cleared her throat, "On that note, we would like to apologize on her behalf. She should have sent you to my office rather than giving you detention. She assumed you were a trouble maker because of who you made friends with, and despite said friends' own issues..." she gave the girls a pointed look, "...she should not have jumped to conclusions. Rest assured, I will make sure such a mistake is not repeated."

I rubbed the back of my head, "Uh, thanks."

Celestia cleared her throat and turned from me to the girls, "Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to you two about your behavior while you're here."

The two snapped to attention.

"In spite of your many disciplinary issues last year, I know that you two aren't bad girls. I've dealt with many students in my time in the education system, and I've become quite adept at getting a read on people. I can safely say that you two are smart, creative, and kindhearted young ladies. You are both perfectly capable of excelling, but only if you stop getting into trouble so often. Too many disciplinary actions will negatively impact your future in the long term." She smiled, "However, given the reason you chose to act out and get sent here today, I've made sure that today's detention will not reflect poorly on your record."

Starlight and Lyra perked up.

Luna spoke up, "This is a one-time occurrence, so don't think you can act out with no consequences in the future."

Starlight and Lyra shrunk back down in their seats.

"Sure. -I mean, yes, Vice-Principal Luna," said Lyra.

Celestia checked her watch and grimaced, "Good heavens, I'll be late for my meeting with the Social Studies department if I don't take off."

She hastily gathered her papers and stood up, "I'm afraid I need to get going, so I'll leave you three in my sister's capable hands." She gave us a warm, motherly smile that made me feel like everything was going to be okay, "It's been a pleasure meeting you, Jack, and it's good to see you again, you two."

With that, she strode out of the room, leaving us alone with the Vice-Principal.

Luna silently sat down at the front desk, opened the binder she'd been carrying, and donned a pair of reading glasses.

"Hm...according to my roster, there were five people scheduled for after-school detention today. Jack Daniels, Lyra Heartstrings, and Starlight Glimmer are all present. Gilda and Garble are also supposed to be here, but-" she lazily scanned the room "-it seems as if they've skipped again. Staying true to form, I see."

She scribbled a few notes down before snapping it shut, "Get out your homework and use this time to work on it. The three of you may consult each other about your assignments, but you are not allowed to talk about unrelated topics. If you need help that your peers cannot provide, you are free to ask for my help. Should you act out and ignore my instructions in spite of the clemency you three have been granted, you will receive further disciplinary action. Do you all understand?"

"Yes ma'am," we replied in unison.

She smiled in satisfaction, "Good. Now get to work."

The rest of detention was uneventful. The three of us worked on homework and helped each other out when we could. Vice-Principal Luna would reprimand us when we tried to chat about something that was not schoolwork related, but she also gave us pointers on our work whenever we did not know how to help each other. Once time was up, she escorted us out of the building, and made arrangements with me for our meeting later that week while I waited for my ride.

So yeah, that's how that day went. It wasn't all bad. Mostly bad, but at least the Principal and Vice-Principal were nice.

...

I know, I know. Don't worry, I only have one more thing to go over before I get to the main event. As much as I would like to avoid it, it provides some context for everything that happened these last three days. With that said, it's time to talk about how I met the embodiment of evil itself.

Pinkie Pie.

Author's Note

This chapter took a bit longer to write than I would have liked, but I hope it was worth the wait! A few things:

The musical number was ~~ripped off from~~ heavily inspired by this song:

So when you're reading through the musical segment, imagine it to that tune.

Before posting this installment, I went back and polished up the first three chapters. Feel free to read them again if you're interested.
The next chapter should be a lot shorter than this one, so I'll hopefully have it ready at the usual time.
Yes, I know canon EQG Spitfire is a student, but I couldn't find any info about the canon P.E. teacher. Plus, I feel like her being a teacher just makes more sense.

Until next time.

The Horror in Pink
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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

The Horror in Pink

...Are you sure she can't get in here? I know what you said earlier, but that girl defies the constraints of logic.

...

You're absolutely sure?

...

Okay, I'll trust you. Just know that if you're wrong about this, I'm using you as a meat shield.

When Mom came to pick me up, it was obvious she was not pleased that I'd gotten myself thrown in detention. Vice-Principal Luna thankfully took the time to tell her about the situation, and that I'd been sent to detention on a fluke. On the bright side, this extinguished her anger towards me. On the downside, it alerted her that I'd had two mental breaks in as many days. Mom started peppering Luna with questions, but the Vice-Principal put an end to it by calmly explaining that she would be having a meeting with me the next day to address my issues, and that she would make sure my school-life would be as drama-free as possible. Mom thanked Luna (and the girls after she heard that they'd looked out for me) profusely before driving me home.

Even though we only lived about 15 minutes away, the drive home felt like an hour long. I love my Mom, but I didn't love being badgered about whether I'm alright and if I need to see a shrink.

If that wasn't enough, Jill gave me her "I told you so" look as soon as I walked through the front door, and took the chance to claim that she was right about Starlight and Lyra being a bad influence on me. I countered by saying that they'd been the ones to make sure I was okay, and that the only reason I'd freaked out was because of the musical number.

Mom and Jill furrowed their brows, and Dad gave me an odd look.

"What's so scary about a musical number?" Jill asked. "I was in the lunchroom too, and there was nothing freaky about it that I noticed. Have you never—hey, are you okay?"

I shouldn't have been surprised that my family didn't see anything wrong with musical numbers; after all, they didn't see anything wrong with being surrounded by cartoon characters. I was still pretty shaken by the revelation.

Mom stepped forward and took my hands, "Don't cry honey. Everything is going to be okay."

I wasn't crying. My eyes might have watered a bit, but that's only because I got some dust in my eyes. Honest!

"Remember what your father said yesterday, Jill," said Mom. "Besides, your brother was right. Those two girls chased after him and made sure he was okay. Would a bad influence act like that?"

There was no response. After wiping the dust-generated perspiration from my eyes, I recomposed myself and looked around. Jill was looking down at her feet and fidgeting with her skirt, while Dad gave me a reassuring smile when I met his gaze.

"A man's first musical number can be a bit jarring, I know. Don't worry, you get used to it eventually."

Right there. The conversation, could've ended right there, and the day would have ended on a positive note. Unfortunately, I have good parents, and one of the downsides of having good parents is that they become worried when something bad happens to you. So instead of ending the conversation there and going on to bed, I spent the next couple hours being lovingly grilled about my mental/emotional state, whether I was still torn up about leaving our old home behind, and asked repeatedly whether or not I needed a hug. By the time I managed to wave their worries away, I was emotionally exhausted, and since the dread of having to go back to school made going to sleep at a decent hour almost impossible, I was also physically exhausted by the time morning rolled around.

It was going to be another one of those days again, the third one in a row.

Breakfast was awkward. Mom continued to ask how I was feeling, Dad saw my discomfort and tried to change the subject, and Jill avoided eye contact the whole time. Needless to say, I rushed to finish my meal as soon as possible, then bolted out the door.

I managed to avoid taking the bus by hitching a ride with Lyra and Starlight (something that would become routine as the semester went on), but that didn't stop the expected stares, whispers, and pointing from the other students once we got to school.

"Chin up, eyes forward, shoulders back, face blank," I silently repeated my mantra for these kinds of situations. In my peripheral vision, I saw the girls close ranks to either side of me. Lyra did her best to shrink into my shadow, while Starlight shot challenging glares at some of the bystanders.

"Today is going to suck, isn't it?" I grumbled, opening my locker and stuffing some of its contents into my backpack.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," said Lyra. Then she stopped, seemed to reconsider her words, and slumped. "Okay yeah, it probably is going to suck."

"Bah, it's nothing you and I aren't used to. And Jack, well, you aren't, but that just makes this an opportunity to break you in." She nudged my ribs, "After all, HEH members need thick skin if they're going to stand up to the insidious powers that be."

I wanted to smile, but I couldn't muster the energy for it. Starlight could tell, so she tried a different angle.

"Don't worry, you get used to it. Besides, as long as we ignore the proles and avoid people like Shimmer, I'm sure we can get through the day without drawing too much attention to ourselves. Even if anything does happen, the two of us have your back."

I did manage to smile this time, "Thanks, Starlight." I shoved the last of my books into my backpack and continued, "I shouldn't be too worried anyway. I mean, what are the chances I encounter something scarier than what I've already experienced?"

I shut my locker and turned to go to class, only to come face to face with blue eyes, a wide smile, and lots of pink.

"Hi there, Jack! I'm Pinkie Pie, and it's super-duper great to meet you! I'm the founder, leader, and only member of the New Student Welcoming Club! It's my job to track down aaaaaaall the new students and make sure that they feel welcome at Canterlot High! I'd prefer to throw parties for everybody, but Vice-Principal Luna said that that'd be 'an excessive drain on school time and resources', so I settle for introducing myself and giving a custom-made sweet treat to all the newbies! I'm actually surprised we haven't met until now, because my Pinkie Sense will usually lead me to any new students, but I didn't learn about you until Limestone (that's my biggest sister) told me that White Quartz told her that Ly-Ly and Glim-Glam had a new friend. Then I learned from Maud (that's my second biggest sister) who learned from Trixie that your name was Jack, and I told her how weird it was that I didn't know that since I already met your sister and gave her a Welcome-to-Canterlot Red Velvet Delight™, and you'd think my Pinkie Sense would tell me that she had a brother, but that's not important now. What is important is that I've finally found you, and now I can give you a Wondercolt welcome!" She reached into her excessively curly hair and pulled out a notebook and a pack of colored pencils. "How would you describe the bestest possible cupcake? What flavor? What kind of icing? How many sprinkles?! Tellmetellmetellme!"

Now, I know you've heard a lot about me being scared in this story so far. I'm sure that the novelty of my fear has started wearing off, and that you might even be annoyed that I'm bringing it up again. I get it, and don't worry, because there'll be much less of it once I get to what went down at the Fall Formal, but I can't emphasize enough how visceral the terror I felt in that moment was. Remember how I said that my first musical number was the third scariest moment of my life, and that it was scary enough to make me run away screaming until I passed out? That was nothing.

Looking at Pinkie was about what I imagine looking at Cthulhu would be like. My heart pounded, my body faintly trembled, and my mind threatened to unravel. I had seen the face of evil. I had met madness made flesh. I stared into the abyss, and the abyss smiled back.

I was pulled back from the brink by two hands on my shoulders. Starlight and Lyra had noticed that I was spiraling again, and not wanting to make the same mistake twice, intervened.

"Heeeyy. How are you doing, Pinkie?" asked Lyra.

"I'm doing fantabulous! Thanks for asking!" said Pinkie.

"Of course. By the way, you don't need to worry about making a cupcake for Jack. He won't mind, and I'm sure you have lots more important things to be doing."

Pinkie tilted her head, "What could be more important than making cupcakes for a new friend?"

A barely audible whimper clawed its way out of my throat.

"I-I'm not saying it isn't important," said Lyra. "It's just that, uh..."

"He doesn't like cupcakes!" Starlight yelled.

Lyra latched onto the lie, "Yeah! What Star said!"

Pinkie's pupils shrank to pinpricks, and she gasped for ten seconds straight.

"What?! How could anybody not like cupcakes?!" She clutched her head and arched her back, "What are you saying, Pinkie? Of course there are people who don't like cupcakes! Both Roseluck and Photo Finish can't stand sweets, that's why you got them sour candies!"

She then blurred forward, and stopped with her face mere inches away from mine. She smelled like a mixture of cake batter and distilled chaos.

"You may not like cupcakes, but I will make you something! With God as my witness, I'll make you the tastiest treat you've ever tasted!"

Then, with only a cloud of dust left in her wake, she was gone.

I'm proud to say that I did not have a hysterical mental breakdown in the middle of the hall! I did, however, have to be walked to my classroom by the girls. I think some of the jocks in the hallway laughed at me for that, but the joke's on them, because I was the one with a pretty girl on each arm.

I spent the entirety of Mrs. Harshwhinny's class, and most of Ms. Peachbottom's class, trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered psyche. The girls looked worried whenever they caught my gaze, but I think the teachers were just happy that I was being quiet for a change.

When lunchtime came, I was more focused on constantly checking my surroundings than eating my food.

"Don't worry, Jack. I know Pinkie is a little...Pinkie, but she's harmless. Well, as long as you don't break a Pinkie Promise, but you didn't do that," Lyra reassured.

"Harmless?!" I responded incredulously. "Something is wrong about that girl! All the other stuff scared me because no one else noticed how weird it was, but her presence itself was somehow enough to set off every alarm bell in my brain! She's unnatural!"

Starlight shrugged, "I don't know what to tell you, Jack. It's Pinkie Pie; don't question it. But if you're worried that she'll show up, this isn't her lunch period. She's in class right now, so you can relax."

She wasn't coming. I took a deep breath and allowed myself to relax.

"Sorry for being so jumpy," I said.

Lyra smiled, "Don't worry. Been there, done that."

"Thanks. I know I look ridiculous." I took a bite out of my sandwich before continuing, "She looks like any other student, and it's not like she did anything to me. I had no reason to react the way I did, but I can't ignore my instincts when they scream at me that loudly. I know I'm repeating myself, but I just wish I knew why I find her unnerving."

"Probably because of our diametrically opposed, yet remarkably similar natures. At least, that's what the story-planning document says," opined an all too familiar voice.

My head snapped to the left. Pinkie Pie sat next to me, a smile on her face and a bowl and spoon in her hands.

"Hi again, Jack! I put a lot of thought into what I'd make for you. I initially had you pegged as a fruitcake guy, but my gut told me that I was off the mark. Then I thought about making you a candied apple or chocolate-covered strawberries, but even though I was getting warmer, I still felt like it didn't suit you. Then I was on my way to ask Marble (that's my little sister) what she thought, and I saw your sister in the hall. Then I smacked my head," she smacked her head for emphasis, "and thought, 'duh, why don't I just ask Jill what you like?' So I explained that I was making you a treat, and she told me that you really like banana pudding, and I jumped for joy because banana pudding fits you so well!" She set the bowl down on the table in front of me, revealing a batch of hand-made banana pudding. "Then she asked me to try and befriend you, and I was even more happy, because I love love love making new friends! After I finished making it, I came to find you! And now here we are!"

She stuck the spoon in the bowl and rested her chin in her hands, eyes sparkling as she waited for me to take a bite.

Once again, I froze. It was only a combination of pride and the conviction that I couldn't escape this girl(?) that kept me from bolting. I might have stayed like that for the rest of the lunch period if I didn't feel Starlight and Lyra reach under the table and give my hands a reassuring squeeze.

I cleared my throat and stuttered, "I-I'm not h-hungry right now."

Pinkie's smile fell into a pout, "Alright, but you have to Pinkie Promise that you'll eat it later today."

The thought of touching her made my skin crawl, but I would've done almost anything to make her leave. I lifted up my shaking hand and extended my pinky finger.

Pinkie laughed, "Not that kind of pinky promise, silly billy! Like this: Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" her words were accompanied by her crossing her heart, waving her hand in the air, and pretending to stick something in her eye. "That's a Pinkie Pie promise! Now you do it!"

If I hadn't had all of my attention on Pinkie, I would've noticed Starlight and Lyra's panicked expressions. As it was, I mindlessly mimicked her movements and repeated her words.

Pinkie clapped, "Yay! Make sure to tell me how you like it later! I've got to get back to class now, bye bye!"

The pink abomination then zoomed out of the lunch room at inhuman speed.

As soon as I was sure she was gone, I grabbed the bowl and stood up, but was halted by two hands gripping my left arm tightly. I worried that Pinkie had appeared out of the aether again, but luckily, it was just Starlight and Lyra.

"What are you doing?" Lyra asked, an unusually serious expression on her face.

"Throwing this away," I replied. "No way I'm eating anything she made."

"No," said Starlight. "You made a Pinkie Promise. You DON'T want to break a Pinkie Promise."

I instantly planted myself back in that chair. If Starlight of all people was scared of breaking a Pinkie Promise, I'd force myself to suck it up and eat the pudding. I...do have to admit that the banana pudding was really good, but I'll be damned if I lower my guard just because that devilspawn is a wiz in the kitchen.

I spent the rest of the day constantly on edge, always afraid that Pinkie Pie would come out of nowhere and drag my soul to Hell.

When fourth period ended, I went to the Vice-Principal's office.

"Ah, Mr. Daniels. You're right on time. Close the door and have a seat," said Luna.

I wordlessly complied with the order.

"There are several topics I would like to cover in this meeting. I think it would be prudent to start with..." she trailed off and studied me more closely. "...Are you alright? You look quite pale."

"I met Pinkie Pie today," I said, my tone robotic.

Vice Principal Luna chose her next words carefully, "I see. I am well aware of Miss Pie's mannerisms. Did she, perhaps, upset you in some way?"

I immediately broke down crying.

I spent the next half-hour bawling in her office, rambling about how scary that girl is in halting sentences. Despite being visibly caught off guard by my sudden and excessive display of emotion, Luna's response was the definition of professional. She listened to my sob story, reassured me that everything was going to be alright, and told me that she would not allow Pinkie to flay my mind. I don't know why I believed her, but I instinctually knew that if anyone could bind the pink demon, it would be the Vice-Principal.

Dad came to pick me up just after Luna scheduled another one-on-one meeting with me. When he saw how red my eyes were, he assumed I'd had another meltdown, and recommended getting me an appointment with a therapist. I simply responded that I'd met a crazy girl at school that day, and he hugged me right there in the parking lot. After telling me how proud he was of me for being brave, he took me to get ice cream, and spent the rest of the drive home giving me survival tips.

And yeah, that's the story of how I met Pinkie Pie. AKA: the scariest experience of my life.

...

Yes, she IS that scary.

...

Stop laughing! If you're going to keep mocking me, then I'll just leave!

...

That's what I thought.

Okay, I've covered everything you'll need to know for context: my first day, meeting Starlight and Lyra, how I kneecapped my reputation, meeting the Principal and Vice-Principal, and my encounter with the pink demon. It's time to get into why you're actually here. Grab a drink and get comfortable, because the story of the Fall Formal is a long one.

Author's Note

Surprise! Early chapter release! It ended up being longer than I originally envisioned, but it was so fun to write that work proceeded more quickly than usual. Expect at least a two-week wait before the next update.

And with this chapter, the introduction arc is officially over. The characters have been introduced and the stage has been set. Next up: the Fall Formal arc!

From Through the Looking Glass
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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

From Through the Looking Glass

The next two months were pretty uneventful.

...

Unless you want me to spend the next hour describing all the tests I took, and all of the trouble the girls and I got up to, yes, we'll be skipping ahead. I can give you a quick summary, though.

School sucked. My grades didn't improve much, I could tell a lot of my teachers didn't like me, and pretty much every other student wanted nothing to do with me. So, not much different from my old school. The only thing that was different was the near-constant anxiety.

As you can imagine, going to a school with a bunch of pastel people (at least one of whom is an escaped denizen of Hell) did little to alleviate my stress. Combined with Pinkie's repeated attempts to track me down so we could "hang out", I'm honestly surprised that I didn't fall apart every other day. Luckily, two factors kept me from going over the edge. The first was the fact that after the third day, there was a long period of time where I didn't have any bombshells dropped on me. No new horrors or worldview-shattering revelations gave me time to process things. The second factor was that Pinkie's attention was divided between literally everyone at school. While she did find me interesting, she rarely had the time to hunt me down. If she had ever gotten the time to focus all her attention on me, I don't think I'd be sitting here today. None of that got rid of the anxiety, though.

Still, it wasn't all bad. I had Starlight and Lyra with me, and they singlehandedly made my time at Canterlot High bearable. Not only were they a blast to spend time with (if you had the patience to endure Starlight's tankie rants and Lyra's otherworldly musings), but they also actually gave a damn. Those two may be totally crazy, but they are also completely loyal to anyone who signs that cult pledge of theirs. They helped me with my homework, gave me tips on how to avoid being accosted by Trixie whenever she was in one of her moods, and even backed me up when Gilda was threatening to pound my face in after I spilled strawberry milk all over her leather jacket. Vice-Principal Luna intervened before a fight could break out, but we totally would've won.

Oh yeah. Speaking of Luna, the Principal sisters also made school more bearable for me. Luna met with me on a semi-frequent basis both in her role as guidance counselor, and as Canterlot High's senior disciplinarian. Unlike a lot of the other teachers, she looked fondly exasperated rather than annoyed during our talks. While it would be a stretch to say that she likes me, I like to think she doesn't hate me.

As for Celestia, she only ever spoke with us a handful of times. She was constantly busy, so she only took the time to talk to us when her workload got lighter or whenever something serious went down, but she was always friendly when she did. She always had her signature motherly smile on when she saw us, and would always greet us warmly, so I think it's safe to say that she was in the same boat as her sister.

Of course, after everything that happened, they probably won't be smiling next time they see us.

Let's see, what else...? Oh! I also got a front-row seat to Flash Sentry's break-up with Sunset Shimmer. The three of us were just skipping class and minding our own business when we heard an argument coming from an empty classroom. We snuck over just in time to hear Flash tell Sunset that he was breaking up with her. I was pretty shocked since those two had been Canterlot High's power couple for longer than I'd been there. Before I could even process it, Sunset growled (audibly, like a dog) and got right up in his face. What followed was what I can only describe as a roasting of epic proportions. She destroyed him, pulverized him, absolutely dismantled him.

I don't even like Flash, but I almost cried on his behalf. It was that bad.

Both of them were silent for a moment before Sunset turned on her heels and started walking before she stopped after seeing us peeking in. Flash turned to see what had caused his ex to stop, and looked mortified when he realized his verbal execution had been overheard.

We booked it after that, no one in our group wanting to be on the receiving end of the Queen Bee's ire. Sunset shot us a dirty look the next time she saw us, but thankfully continued to leave us alone aside from the occasional unprompted harassment. Flash, on the other hand, didn't come to school for the next couple of days. When he did return, he put on a brave face, but would always flinch whenever he caught sight of us in the hallways.

In hindsight, I should've given the man a bro-hug. It might've restored some of his lost manly pride by showing that I didn't think any less of him even after overhearing his humiliation, and it might've gotten me some good will that would have come in handy later. Of course, he could've also just been freaked out that the weird ancap kid was hugging him. I guess we'll never know.

Anyway, enough summary! It's time to get on to the main event. It's time for a story about how three outcasts got sucked into a multi-dimensional conspiracy, pissed off everybody, and had a surprisingly fun time doing it.

Here's how we ruined the Fall Formal.

It all started on Halloween. When we came to school that morning, all three of us were excited for different reasons. Lyra was excited because we were all wearing costumes to school, I was excited because we'd agreed to go trick-or-treating in the evening (no, we are NOT "too old"), and Starlight was excited because she'd finally convinced us to implement an advertisement campaign for her cult. Thus, we all strode into school together as we usually did, each of us brimming with anticipation for the day ahead.

Our costumes were awesome, by the way. Starlight had opted to come as an NKVD officer, a choice that did not surprise anyone who'd talked to her for more than five minutes. My obvious distaste for her statist costume aside, it was well-made, and she clearly had fun playing the part if her giddy smile while she yelled at random students was any indication. Lyra chose to dress as Queen Victoria. Unlike Starlight, she didn't obnoxiously flaunt the authority of her fake position, but she was visibly happy with her costume. It was as if cosplaying as a royal made her feel more confident, allowing her to shrug off pointed looks and laughter with more ease than usual. Lastly, I dressed up as Patrick Bateman because I thought it'd be funny.

School proceeded as usual until the agreed upon time of 11:00, at which point we all asked to go to the bathroom and met up under the stairs to initiate our plan.

When Starlight first proposed the idea of advertising HEH to the masses, Lyra and I were skeptical. Most people didn't want anything to do with us, so how would we get them to listen to us? After a brainstorming session, we came up with a brilliant idea that addressed both our poor reputations and the average teen's goldfish-tier attention span. After only ten minutes, we'd distributed all of our material, and slipped back into our classes with our teachers none the wiser. At lunch, a jubilant Starlight confidently predicted that new recruits would be pouring in by the end of the day.

Unfortunately, when we were called into the Vice-Principal's office during fourth period, we saw all our advertisements stacked on her desk.

Luna held up two of our brochures.

"Could any of you three tell me what these are?"

I made a show of examining our work. The basic format of our advertisements was the same in both variants: the name of our cult at the top, a short summary of our platform and contact information on the back, and eye-popping clipart to grab the attention of the viewer. We were no professional salesmen, but I thought our work was pretty good.

"They look like tasteful brochures to me," I said honestly.

"These are borderline pornographic," she deadpanned.

She wasn't wrong; we'd plastered our brochures with risqué pictures of super models we found on Google Images. After deciding to disseminate brochures, we had to deal with the problem of getting people to actually read them. We discussed a few ideas before coming to a realization: what better way to grab the attention of horny teenagers than to target their hormones? The end result was two stacks of brochures. One for girls, which bore pictures of sweaty, muscular men; and one for boys, which contained pictures of bikini-clad bombshells.

I shrugged, "You've gotta grab the audience's attention somehow."

Luna set the brochures down and steepled her hands.

"While I applaud your...creativity, this sort of behavior can't-"

"It wasn't us, Vice-Principal Luna."

We all turned to Starlight, who met Luna's gaze with a confident smirk.

"I beg your pardon?" Luna responded.

"It wasn't us, Vice-Principal Luna," Starlight repeated. "This is obviously a conspiracy against us!"

Luna arched an eyebrow and turned to us, "Do you two agree with this...theory of hers?"

"Yep."

"We're just patsies."

Lyra and I responded without a second of hesitation. If Starlight had decided that this was the lie she was going with, we'd roll with it. Friends don't throw friends under the bus.

Luna stared at us for a long moment, "So you're telling me that you weren't involved even though your teachers testified that you were all simultaneously out of class right before the brochures were first reported, said brochures contain your contact information, and we have security camera footage of you three putting them in all the bathrooms on the second floor? Is that right?"

The three of us shared a look, before nodding. When in doubt, double down.

"That's right."

"This conspiracy clearly goes all the way to the top. Investigate the staff!"

"What they said."

Luna closed her eyes and started rubbing her temples.

"You three have detention after school. Get out."

The three of us had a great night after doing our time. We got a bunch of free candy, nearly got in a fight with a group of parents in front of their kids, and escaped from Pinkie (who was appropriately dressed as the devil) before she could drag us to her Halloween party. Good times.

After swinging by Moonburger for midnight milkshakes and having an impromptu karaoke competition in the car, we drove to the school and hauled our candy hoards over to the front steps.

...

Why there? Because we needed somewhere to count out how much candy we'd gotten. The car was too cramped, we'd wake everybody up if we did it at mine or Lyra's place, and Starlight refused to take us to her house. The school was just the most convenient option since it was close and we didn't think anyone would be there.

We had just finished counting our admittedly small amount of candy (a lot of houses told us to scram when they saw how old we were), stuffed it back in our pillowcases, and were just about to head out when a loud noise pierced through the silence.

*CLANG*

We jumped up, our eyes wide and scanning our surroundings. My first thought was that Gilda had tracked us down to finally seek revenge for her jacket, but I quickly realized that wasn't the case. Subtlety was not that girl's style. If it was her, she would've already announced her presence. My second thought was that it was Pinkie, but before I could begin panicking at the thought, I noticed something laying on the ground not far from us.

I hesitantly pointed to it, "Was that there before?"

Laying not far from the base of the tacky horse statue out front was a golden crown that sported a six-pointed star-shaped gem. I was almost certain it hadn't been there before, but to be fair, I'd spent the last few minutes entirely focused on wolfing down Almond Joys.

Lyra's eyes narrowed, "Isn't that the Fall Formal Crown?"

"It is," Starlight snarled. "I'd recognize that imitation of bourgeois decadence anywhere!"

I knew next to nothing about the Fall Formal since I'd spaced out every time one of the teachers harped on about it, so I just shrugged.

"What's it doing here?" I asked. "It wasn't there before, right?"

"No," Starlight answered me. "I've been keeping an eye on our surroundings this whole time, and I know it wasn't there until now."

"Then where did it come from?"

We looked around warily. Again, we still didn't see anyone else, but that just made it feel like a trap. Starlight and I quickly circled the statue, our pillowcases held tightly and ready to be used as makeshift weapons, but we still didn't see anyone. We came back around in time to see Lyra gently nudge the crown with her foot.

"Holy crap," Lyra breathed, quickly bending down and picking it up. "I think this is real gold. Solid gold."

Eyes wide, Starlight and I rushed over and examined it more closely, our wariness forgotten. Sure enough, Lyra was right. That crown looked genuine, and for that matter, far more expensive than anything a public school budget would allow for a school dance.

"Principal Celestia has something like this for a prom knockoff?" I asked in disbelief.

"No." I looked at Starlight, who looked just as shocked as I was. "The crown has always been made of painted steel."

I furrowed my brow; the situation was getting weirder by the second. If what Starlight said was true, then there were two possibilities. Either Principal Celestia had a temporary bout of insanity and spent a small fortune having a more expensive crown made, or someone else did. In either case, why? And how on Earth had it ended up in front of the school at midnight?

I was puzzling over those questions when I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. I spun around and glanced up to see the mirror on the base of the statue was rippling like the surface of a puddle in a rainstorm. Before I could even begin to comprehend what I was looking at, Sunset Shimmer walked out of the damn mirror.

Sunset was wearing an expression of smug self-assurance when she first emerged, but froze like a deer in the headlights when she saw us.

She stared.

I stared.

Starlight and Lyra stared.

None of us so much as moved for a solid minute. Sunset cracked first, her eyes darting down to the crown, then up at Lyra who was holding it.

My eyes darted to the crown, then to Lyra, then back to Sunset.

Sunset seemed to finally regain her composure, steeling her expression and taking a step forward.

"You-"

She didn't have time to finish. Acting on pure instinct, I lunged forward and shoved her back through the mirror. I turned back to the girls, meeting their wide-eyed looks with one of my own. Another moment of silence passed before we all started sprinting towards Starlight's car.

We were about halfway there when an enraged screech echoed from behind us.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU FREAKS!"

Instead of making the rookie mistake of looking back, we picked up the pace. We practically dove into the car, and within about four nail-biting seconds, Starlight had turned on the car, put it in drive, and ripped out of the parking lot. Once we were safe, I looked back to see Sunset waving her arms and screaming incessantly at us, her threats barely audible over the roar of the engine. Once the school was out of sight, we descended into another tense silence.

This time, I was the first to crack.

"Did Sunset just walk through a fucking mirror?!"

Author's Note

Sorry for the wait on this chapter. I let myself slack off, and I apologize for that. I'll try not to let it happen again without prior notice.

Faceplanting at the Starting Line
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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

Faceplanting at the Starting Line

Neither of the girls said anything after my exclamation at first. After a minute or so of me looking back and forth between two and waiting for an answer, the silence was finally broken.

"... hey Jack?" said Starlight.

"Yeah?"

"When you first saw our skin colors and the musical number, did you also feel a mix of numbness and subtle existential horror?"

I blinked. Then a wide smile slowly spread across my face as her words sunk in.

"Yes!" I answered.

"Huh," Starlight murmured. "So this is how that feels."

I eagerly turned to Lyra, "You too, Ly?"

She absently nodded.

As bad as it sounds, seeing my friends have their worldviews shattered made me very happy. When you've gone through the sort of things I have, it's very discouraging to have no one to relate to. Friends and family can help, but love and reassurances can't get rid of the loneliness that comes with not having people who can look you in the eye and tell you that they understand. Now that the girls and I were on the same page, I felt like an invisible weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It sucked that they were in distress, but at least we could all suffer together now.

"Well, as someone who's familiar with that feeling, don't worry! Once you've had time to process things, you should be able to function well enough to pass as mostly stable. Just keep on smiling, and shove down the overwhelming dread whenever it sprouts up!"

Neither of them replied. I just sat there and smiled, reveling in our newfound sense of unity while I waited for one of them to speak. Eventually, my eyes landed on the crown that was still clutched in Lyra's hands. My mind wandered back to its sudden appearance, and then to Sunset's emergence from the mirror. I put two and two together, and realized that the crown must've come from the same place as Sunset.

With that thought, I spoke up.

"Hey Ly, do you reckon that that crown in your hands is dangerous? It probably came through the mirror, after all."

Lyra blinked, and looked down at the aforementioned crown in her hands. With a yelp, she dumped it onto the floorboard and brought her knees up to her chest. Starlight didn't take her eyes off the road, but she did tense up and grip the steering wheel tightly. We sat silently for a few minutes, waiting to see if the crown would cause something to happen. When nothing did for long enough that the silence started getting to me, I spoke.

"Well, if it hasn't disintegrated us even after tempting fate like that, I think we'll be fine,"

Starlight slowly relaxed, and Lyra cautiously picked it up again.

"This really did come through that mirror like Sunset, didn't it?" Lyra murmured.

"That's the only explanation that makes sense. There's nothing but open space around that statue, so no one would be able to put it there without us knowing. The only way someone could pull that off is by throwing it, and even if someone decided to chuck a solid gold crown for whatever reason, that would've caused more of a racket than it did."

Lyra absentmindedly nodded, and Starlight narrowed her eyes at me through the rear-view mirror.

"You're taking this a lot better than I thought you would."

I shrugged, "This isn't my first time. Don't get me wrong, I'm scared, but it's not as scary as the musical number. Of course, I might still be riding my sugar high, so maybe I'll freak out later."

"Wonderland..."

Star and I turned to Lyra, whose look of trepidation had transformed into one of excitement.

"Huh?" said Starlight.

Lyra turned to us, "People and objects traveling through a mirror. I knew I'd heard of something like that before; it's from Alice in Wonderland!"

"Well, actually it's from Through the Looking-Glass, which is the sequel," Starlight corrected.

"Do you know what this means?!" Lyra squealed, ignoring Starlight's unsolicited correction. "That mirror must be a portal to another world! Maybe even the one I've seen in my dreams!"

The two of us mulled the thought over. It was obviously a portal of some kind, the question was whether it led somewhere else on Earth, or whether it really did lead to another world like Lyra said.

I voiced these thoughts, and Starlight nodded.

"I think you're on track, Jack." She hummed, "I know we don't have a lot of information to work with... but I'm leaning more towards the latter option if only because of the crown. If a pricey replica of the school's prom queen crown doesn't scream 'mirror dimension', then I don't know what would."

"Mirror dimension?" I leaned back and turned the thought over in my head.

It made some sense. Aside from the obvious fact that the portal itself was a mirror, it would explain the crown being a near duplicate of the one in the school. Sure, we only had speculation and a connection to an old book I hadn't read to back our claim, but that was as good as we were going to get for the moment, so mirror dimension theory it was.

"If it is a mirror dimension, do you think that there are duplicate people there? The crown from the other side of the mirror was an authentic version of the one we have, so maybe there are versions of us on the other side too! They might even be mythical creatures instead of humans, just like in my dreams!" said Lyra.

That was certainly an interesting idea. Not the mythical creatures part, but the idea that there were duplicates of people through the portal. It made me wonder what alternate versions of people I knew were like. Starlight and Lyra would probably be even more eccentric, Jill would have an even bigger head, and the Principal Sisters would likely still work thankless jobs, but maybe they'd get paid a little better.

...

What's that smirk for?

...

Whatever. Now, Coach Spitfire would probably be a drill sergeant or something, Cheerilee would still be trying to stay sane after dealing with those three gremlins all the time, Pinkie would—

My breath hitched, a spike of fear plunging itself into my chest.

If the portal really did lead to a mirror dimension, and there were duplicates of people over there, that meant that there was another Pinkie Pie. If the Pinkie I knew was already an unholy abomination, what would a Pinkie who lived in a Wonderland-like world be like? My face paled as I recalled what little I remembered from the last time I watched Alice in Wonderland a few years ago, because if Lyra's comparison to that story was accurate, that meant there was potentially an entire world of Pinkie-like creatures just a few yards from the school's entrance. Darkness appeared at the edge of my vision, and the walls started closing in. Visions filled my mind of laughing, cake batter-scented creatures pouring out from the mirror and dragging me to a nightmarish party of madness, where my brain would eventually collapse under the strain and leave me as a smiling, giggling imp cursed to eat cake and play party games for eternity.

"Hey, Jack," said Lyra, giving my shoulder a light shake. "Are you-?"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Starlight shrieked and swerved in response, nearly sending us through the guard rails. Luckily, she corrected course at the last second and kept us on the road. We all sat there, breathing heavily before Starlight spun around and glared at me.

"What in the name of Lenin were you thinking? You could've gotten us all killed!" shouted Starlight.

The combination of near death and Starlight's scream brought me back to reality. Shame flooded through me.

"I'm really sorry," I replied, staring down at my feet.

Starlight huffed, turning back to the road but still holding the steering wheel in a death-grip, "I'm not going to judge you for flipping out again, but I will judge you for doing that when we're hurtling down the road at 40 miles per hour! You promised you would let us know if you started spiraling when we're driving!"

I nodded, meekly submitting to Starlight's anger. She was completely right. In one of our many meetings, I'd promised that I would use any means necessary to not think about her (or mind-shattering subjects in general) when we were on the road, and then I went and almost got us killed by doing the opposite.

"I think we're all a little shaken," said Lyra, graciously suppressing her excitement about the portal for our sakes. She gently placed a hand on one of Starlight's almost-imperceptibly trembling hands. "Maybe we should stop somewhere for a bit."

Starlight took a deep breath, "Y-You're right. I think we're nearest to... Jack's house right now." She met my eyes through the rearview mirror, "Can we come in your house for a bit, Jack?"

I nodded.

"Yeah. Of course."

The drive to my house was silent, but mercifully short. When we climbed out of the car, I saw that the living room light was still on.

"Looks like one of my parents is still up and waiting for me. I'm sure they won't mind if you two step inside for a few minutes."

"Thanks. Although, is a few minutes enough? We're gonna need to talk about..." Starlight gestured to the crown in Lyra's hand.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there," I answered.

I opened the door and led us inside, a canned explanation about my lateness on my lips before I froze at the sight of who had been waiting for me.

"You were supposed to be back by eleven," said Jill, her eyes sliding up from her phone.

"I—uh, we got a little side-tracked," I said.

"Side tracked," she repeated. "You told us that you'd be meeting me at the Halloween party, but you never came, and you didn't answer any of my calls. If Pinkie hadn't told me that she'd ran into you on her way back from buying some emergency Silly String, I wouldn't have known where you were! I told Mom that you were staying late to talk to some friends, so you won't get in trouble, but I want to know why you bailed on me, and why-" she jabbed her finger at the two girls standing behind me "-they are here."

"The girls are just coming in to rest for a moment. We went out trick-or-treating, and just... lost track of time," I said, putting more than a little effort into keeping my voice neutral. "And I skipped the party because the girl who organized it freaks me out; you know that."

She kneaded the bridge of her nose with her index finger and thumb, "Trick-or-treating... And Pinkie again? Really? I don't know what your deal is with her, but you need to stop acting like she has a disease. She's just a nice girl who just wants to be your friend. Maybe if you'd accepted her invitation and taken the opportunity to hang out with more than the same two people you always do, she would be."

This time, I didn't even try to change my expression.

"No thanks," I said. "Besides, nobody likes us. We'd just end up hanging out in the corner the entire time if we went."

"No you wouldn't; Pinkie wouldn't allow it. Besides, that's not true. That girl has been dying to talk to you."

I shuddered.

She pointed at Starlight, "Tree Hugger is always talking about how much she loves her conversations with you."

I could practically feel Starlight's scowl at that.

Jill turned to Lyra, "And Bon-Bon has been trying to talk to you all month. I know you know that, because you keep running away from her when she tries. She got her hopes up when she heard you'd accepted the invite, and it crushed her when-!"

"Alright, you're done," I said, stepping in front of an audibly growling Starlight to keep her from pouncing on my sister. "Stay out of my business, keep your friends out of my friends' business, and tell that bitch of a candy-maker that..."

I trailed off when I noticed that Jill wasn't paying attention to me. I followed her gaze, and my anger turned to fear when I realized she was staring at the crown in Lyra's hands.

"... Is that the Fall Formal Crown?" she asked.

"Ah—er—uh, of course not!" I answered.

I nudged Lyra hard, breaking her out of her thousand-yard stare. She blinked, realized what Jill was looking at, yelped, and hid it behind her back.

"W-What's a crown?!" Lyra exclaimed with a too-wide smile.

Jill scanned my face, a look of slowly-dawning horror appearing on hers.

"You-"

I yawned unnecessarily loudly, "Wow, I sure am tired! Why don't we go up to my room, girls?"

Without waiting for an answer, I grabbed them by the arms and led them up the stairs.

"Goodnight, sis!"

After calming Starlight down and making sure that Lyra was okay, I decided to address the elephant in the room.

"What now?"

They looked at me questioningly.

"I mean, how are supposed to react to this," I elaborated, pointing to the crown. "We found out that there's a portal in front of our school, Sunset knows about it, and we took a duplicate crown that she rightly stole from it. This is usually the part of the movie where we get a lore dump or a quest, but we've got neither. So, what now?"

The two of them looked at each other, then back to the crown.

It continued to sit there and do nothing. Though, looking at the growing excitement dancing behind Lyra's eyes as she continued to ogle it, one might think otherwise. As glad as I was to see her enthusiasm return, that look in her eyes rarely led to good ideas.

"Maybe we should return the crown to its world? I'm willing to volunteer to go through and-"

"No," Starlight and I interrupted.

"But whyyy?" Lyra pouted.

"Because we like you being alive and not trapped in another dimension," deadpanned Starlight.

"What, are we just supposed to keep it?" she shot back.

I started to respond, but stopped. She raised a good point. What were our options? Keep it? Sell it? Throw it in a river? For all we knew, the crown was cursed and would bring ruin upon my house if I didn't try to return it from whence it came. Even if it wasn't, my instincts and genre-savviness were telling me that nothing good would come from keeping it. Ironically, Lyra's plan was the best one we had.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Lyra might be on to something."

Lyra smiled radiantly.

"But we're still not going through the portal," I finished.

Lyra slumped, and her lips started to tremble.

"I'm so close to seeing my dream world, to seeing proof that I'm not crazy... and I'm just supposed to walk away from it?"

Starlight and I shared a look as Lyra's shoulders began to shake.

"Hey, Ly..." Starlight soothed, placing a hand on her back. "We just don't want you to get hurt or trapped. How could we hold HEH meetings if one of the founding members is absent? Besides, even if you can't go through, that doesn't stop you from getting proof! Why don't you use your selfie stick and take some pictures of what's on the other side?"

Lyra slowly perked back up, "yeah... Yeah! You're right! Everyone will have to believe me if I can show them photo evidence!"

I gave Starlight a thumbs up. She returned with a self-satisfied grin which was almost instantly ruined by the loud yawn that forced its way out of her throat. She shot me a dirty look when I laughed, and then laughed at me when I yawned.

"Guys," Lyra interjected. "After going through my fourth emotional roller coaster of the night, I think the exhaustion is starting to get to me. Star and I probably need to go in a minute."

Sure enough, her enthusiasm had finally burnt out, and she started swaying on her feet. Starlight didn't look much better, only keeping herself from dozing off through spite and her dwindling supply of Milky Ways. I didn't feel much better, but a glance at the crown convinced me to fight my pillow's siren song for a little while longer.

"We need to make a plan now. If we don't then Sunset's going to rip us a new one the second we step on campus."

The girls grimaced, but nodded.

"Alright," I began, sitting down on my bed, the girls following my example. "First, we need to figure out what we're going to do about Sunset..."

I woke up at six to the sound of my phone alarm going off.

"Turn that shit off," grumbled Starlight from where she'd curled up at the foot of the bed.

"I'm trying, it's stuck in my pocket," I griped.

I finally wrenched it free, only for it to slip out of my hand and tumble to the floor. I moved to reach for it, but Lyra, who was sleeping on the side closest to where it had fallen, snatched it up and hit the snooze button.

I gave her a sleepy smile, "Thanks, Ly."

Starlight gave an appreciative grunt.

"No problem," said Lyra.

We all laid back down and closed our eyes, hoping against hope that we'd manage to fall back asleep for a few moments before the alarm went off again.

A few seconds of silence passed before we all shot up.

"Oh fuck," said Lyra, giving voice to what we were all thinking.

Lyra and Starlight whipped out their phones, winced at all of the missed call alerts, and dialed their parents. I vaulted out of bed and cracked the door open, vainly hoping that no one else was awake yet. I was met by the smiling face of my mother.

"Good morning, sweetie! Did you have fun last night?"

A cold sweat formed on my forehead. Judging by the expression on my Mom's face, she didn't know that two girls had spent the night in my room, but it would only take a peek over my shoulder or a look at Starlight's car in the driveway to figure it out. I'd need to lie expertly to keep her in the dark long enough for the girls to slip away. I steeled myself for the difficult trial ahead—

"NO DAD, YOU DON'T NEED TO BRING OVER MY BROWN BEAR PLUSHIE! I'M FINE!"

—only for Starlight to immediately blow her cover.

Mom's eyes widened, and she peered into my room before I could try to stop her. She gasped at my room's very tired and disheveled female occupants, and then looked down at me with a stunned expression.

"It's not what it looks like," I said, flashing her a shaky smile.

Luckily, my family believed us when we said that nothing inappropriate had happened. Mom was suspicious at first, but I got bailed out by Jill of all people, who emerged from her room and interrupted Mom before she could start asking any uncomfortable questions. According to her, she'd checked in on us when the girls hadn't left after twenty minutes and saw that we'd passed out on my bed. After that, she'd called the Heartstrings home, told them what was going on, and asked them to pass on the message to Starlight's Dad.

As tense as things between the two of us were, I almost hugged her for that. However, I was too confused about why she was helping me to act on that feeling, so I settled for giving her a pat on the shoulder and shuffling away.

Dad just laughed when Mom told him what happened.

The next hour was a mad scramble to get ready. We wolfed down a plate of Pop-Tarts, used up all of the hot water, and, since we'd all fallen asleep in our Halloween costumes, scrounged through Jill's closet to get the girls a change of clothes. In the end, we got ready just in time to burst out the front door and sprint to the bus before it left.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "The bus? But don't you, Starlight, and Lyra always drive to school? Why would you ride on the bus with a bunch of grumpy, smelly teens instead of driving like normal?" Normally, you'd be right, but taking the bus was the first step in Operation Crown Jewel: our plan to return the duplicate crown to its home dimension before it could screw us over somehow.

...

Yes, we did fall asleep five minutes into the discussion, but that was enough time for us to come up with a basic plan.

The first and biggest obstacle to get past was Sunset Shimmer. Not only because she was probably still pissed off at us, but also because she knew pretty much everything about the students and staff that could benefit her. Aside from her infamous blackmail stash, she had a near-photographic memory about everyone's routines, including the place we would park every morning. Because of this, we had no doubt that she'd be hiding somewhere nearby, ready to pounce the instant we emerged from the car. Knowing this, we weighed our options and decided to avoid that by riding the bus for the first time in forever.

To our relief, it went off without a hitch. Sunset wasn't there to wring our necks when we got off, and soon we were standing a few feet away from the mirror.

"Okay, Lyra, remember the plan," I said.

"I know, I know," she replied, clutching her selfie stick like a lifeline. "Count down from three, stick my phone through at the same time that Star throws the crown through, take five pictures, and then book it to the front entrance. Can we do this already?!"

I scanned the area one more time to be safe. Nobody was watching.

"Alright, let's do this. Are you ready Star?"

Starlight patted her bag and nodded.

"Okay, grab the crown and start the countdown."

Starlight promptly pulled back the zipper and opened her bag. I started to get nervous when five seconds had passed and she hadn't said anything, and my heart rate spiked when she started digging through her things and opening up the other pockets.

"It's gone," she whispered.

I sputtered, "What do you mean, 'it's gone'?!"

"I mean that it isn't in my bag! Do one of you have it?!"

Lyra and I dug through our bags, but found nothing.

"D-Did we leave it on the bus?" Lyra asked.

"No. None of us opened our bags for the entire ride."

"Then where is it?!"

"I don't know!" cried Starlight. "I know for a fact that I zipped it up in my bag before I took a shower!"

I put my head in my hands, "We are so boned. We stole an inter-dimensional artifact, and we lost it!"

"Calm down, you two," said Lyra. "Sure, we lost an insanely valuable crown from another dimension that probably has our fingerprints all over it, but that doesn't mean it's guaranteed that something awful is going to happen! Let's just... pretend like it doesn't exist! That works with a bunch of our other problems, maybe it'll work with this one too!"

I shared a glance with Starlight. We had no better ideas, so Lyra's was as good as any.

"Okay," Starlight took a deep breath. "If anyone asks, we don't know anything about a crown. We trick-or-treated, then went home. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Lyra and I echoed.

"Good. Now, let's—"

The mirror rippled, and an unfamiliar girl with purple skin and violet hair tumbled out. The three of us stared down, expressions blank.

"Well, shit," I muttered.

Author's Note

Remember when I said that I'd try to update sooner? Yeah... sorry about that.

By the way, I'm considering editing the previous chapters to make Jack and Jill twins. Their current situation is meant to exacerbate the rift between them, but I feel like it has only confused the readers, and adds unneeded complexity to their dynamic. Any thoughts on this? Are you supportive of the change? Opposed? Let me know your thoughts. If I do end up changing it, I'll make a blog post detailing what my original plan with them was in case anyone is curious.

Anyway, see you in the next update!

Unwanted Encounters
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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

Unwanted Encounters

As we silently watched the unfamiliar girl groan on the ground, I noticed two important things about her. The first was that a small (and kind of ugly, in my opinion) dog laid in a dazed heap on the girl's back. The second and more important fact was that I'd never seen this girl before. Sunset coming out of the mirror had been scary, but at least we'd known who she was. Having the second person to come through be a stranger just made things even more confusing, and cast doubt on our mirror dimension theory.

I didn't have long to think; both of them opened their eyes and started looking around. The dog noticed us first, rolled off of his owner's back, and started nudging her.

"Uh, Twilight?" said the dog.

Yes. The dog.

"Ugh, Spike, you're not supposed to—" the girl began, stopping when she caught sight of us. Instead of getting scared, her expression shifted to one of excited curiosity.

"How odd-looking," she said to herself. We probably weren't supposed to hear that, but we were too shocked to care. Plus, even if our brains weren't busy rebooting, all three of us had heard that line before.

The girl cleared her throat and rose on all fours, "Greetings! My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I—" she tipped over and landed on her side, letting out a cute little "oof!" when she did.

"Ah, sorry about that! I'm really off-balance today for some reason, ha-ha! Anyway—"

"Uh, Twilight? You might want to look down," the dog, apparently named Spike, interrupted again.

Twilight huffed, "Spike, don't interrupt me when I'm talking to..." she trailed off as she registered his appearance. "... Spike, why are you a dog?"

Spike looked up at Twilight and shrugged.

The instant that both sets of eyes were off us, we turned on our heels and ran. Well, I did. Lyra started to, but stopped, went back, and stuck her selfie stick though the portal so she could snap some pictures. Starlight noticed this, ran back to her side, and tipped Twilight over again to delay a reaction. I ran in place impatiently until they finished, and then we all ran away together.

"Wait! Come back!" Twilight shouted, but we ignored her.

Whatever this situation was, we didn't want any part of it. We were going to find a department store parking lot to loiter in, argue about politics, and act like none of this was our problem. Naturally, that plan was foiled almost instantly.

The familiar figure of Sunset Shimmer rounded the corner of the school not far from us, and she looked borderline frantic. Her normally well-brushed hair was frazzled, her clothes were wrinkled, and her eyes were wide and bloodshot. When she caught sight of us, her expression twisted into one of blinding rage.

"YOU!"

She took off in a dead sprint towards us, so we spun around and ran back the way we came. Once again, we didn't get far. Twilight had recovered from Starlight's sneak attack, and was now galloping towards us on all fours.

"Please wait!" she pleaded, but really, when has that line ever worked?

With enemies closing in on both sides, and none of us athletic enough to outrun Sunset in the open, we made a beeline for the front doors.

"You think you can run from me?! You think you can steal from me?! Once I ascend, I'll trap you three in stone and lock you in a storage compartment where you'll rot until the end of time!"

With Sunset's encouraging commentary echoing out from behind us and drawing closer with every second, we re-doubled our efforts to try and lose our pursuers. We lost Twilight pretty easily after she galloped head first into the flower sisters and bowled them over, but Sunset resisted all attempts to shake her off our trail. If we kept this up, it was guaranteed that she'd catch us. However, when we came to a three-way split in the hallway, we made our play.

"Girls, scatter! The usual routes!" I shouted.

They nodded, and we split up. Lyra peeled off to the right, Starlight darted to the left, and I kept running straight. I glanced back and saw Sunset slow down for a moment, eyes darting to either side before locking on me and narrowing. I inwardly cursed as she sped up again. I'd hoped that splitting up would make her hesitate long enough for all three of us to escape, but now it looked like I was going to get choked out in the hallway (and not in the sexy way). Just when I thought I was done for, I saw the boys' bathroom up ahead and inspiration struck.

I took a deep breath and lurched to the right, narrowly avoiding Sunset's outstretched hand and bursting through the door. I found myself wading into a cloud of smoke, and on the other side of the room, Snips and Snails stared at me with deer-in-the-headlights expressions, blunts still in their mouths. Anyone who'd been here for at least a month knew that Snips and Snails would always come to this bathroom to smoke a joint whenever they could get away with it. However, after getting busted a few times, they'd been put on a tighter leash, which left them able to meet on fewer and fewer days. Banking on Snips and Snails being smart enough to slip away from their handlers had been a gamble, but to my glee, it paid off.

I stepped to the side and pressed my back against the wall, still holding my breath. Not a second later, Sunset charged through the door.

"No more run—!" Sunset descended into a nasty coughing fit, stumbling to a halt and futilely trying to wave the cloud away.

I slipped out of the bathroom and made to continue running when I saw something down the hallway that caught my eye. Ms. Cheerilee stood just outside of her classroom, a massive mug of coffee held in her right hand, while she used her left hand to massage her temples. Her face was drawn in a pained frown, and even from a distance, I could see her silently muttering to herself.

This could only mean one thing: Ms. Cheerilee was in a very bad mood.

If this were any normal day, the sight would've struck fear in my heart. But in this situation, it brought a smile to my face.

I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled, "Ms. Cheerilee! Snips and Snails and getting high in the bathroom again!"

Her head spun in my direction, and she snarled, "Oh, they are, are they?!"

She stomped her way towards the bathroom, and I made to walk past her.

"I need to get to class, but I hope you have a good day!" I said.

She grunted, and marched past me.

The door swung open, and Sunset ran right into Cheerilee, spilling coffee all over the teacher's clothes. Sunset's enraged expression quickly melted into one of surprise and terror.

"M-Ms. Cheerilee! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to—!"

"Why were you in the boys' bathroom, young lady?" Cheerilee asked in a deceptively calm voice.

"I... I..." Sunset's eyes darted around before landing on me, watching all of this over my shoulder as I speed-walked my way to freedom. She jabbed a finger at me and said, "Jack was smoking too!"

"Er, no he wasn't. He burst in just before you did!" a confused Snips cut in, his voice barely loud enough for me to hear as I continued my retreat.

Sunset cringed, and Cheerilee's frown deepened.

I turned the corner just as Cheerilee took a deep breath, and I broke back out into a jog as her incensed yelling filled the hallway.

I met up with the girls at the vending machines near the gym. After answering their questions about how I escaped and then waiting for them to finish laughing, we discussed our next move. At least, we tried to, but we once again had to wrestle with the problem of having no idea where to go from there. Our entire plan had hinged on sending the crown back through the portal and trying to gaslight Sunset into thinking we didn't know anything, but now the crown was gone, and we had no idea what the implications of that might be. Plus, since we panicked and ran when Sunset charged us, any hope we had of tricking her was dead on arrival. Then there was the stranger and her talking dog that had come through the mirror...

"Ditching won't work this time," Starlight concluded. "If Sunset is determined to keep us here, we won't be able to leave even if we try."

"But we shouldn't just go to class either," said Lyra. "That will leave us exposed and split up."

I raised my hand, "What about going to Vice-Principal Luna? She's scary enough to deal with Sunset, and I'm pretty sure she likes us enough to not turn us away."

The two considered the suggestion for a moment, and nodded.

"If Sunset is gonna bring the hammer down on us, and she will if she's as pissed off at us as I think she is, then we need all the help we can get before things get out of hand," said Starlight.

"Then we better get going," I said.

We moved as quickly and quietly as we could. Classes had started not long after I sicced Cheerilee on Sunset, and the hallways were empty, leaving us with no crowd to use as a barrier if things went south. If we were caught by a teacher, then we'd be sent to class and become easy pickings for Sunset, and if Sunset herself found us, there would be no one to save us. My fears seemed unfounded at first. We didn't meet anybody else in the halls, and after the echoes of Cheerilee's yelling stopped, things were mostly silent. The closer we got to Luna's room, the less tense we became. By the time we turned the corner to the perpetually dark and foreboding hallway where the office was located, we'd thrown caution to the wind and broken into a jog. Then someone grabbed me by the collar.

The world spun, and I was slammed against the lockers. Starlight and Lyra cried out, but all I could focus on was the absolutely murderous look on Sunset Shimmer's face.

"H-Hey, Sunset," I said with an attempt at a disarming smile.

"Where's the crown?" she growled.

"Well, um—"

She pressed me harder against the lockers, "If you try to bullshit me, I'll rip out your spine and use it as a pogo stick."

"Sunset, maybe you should—" Lyra began.

She turned and gave the girls a glare so intense that they took a step back. Satisfied that they would not intervene, she turned her attention back to me and tightened her grip.

"Don't try calling for help," she said, noticing that I was glancing in the direction of the office. "Vice-Principal Luna is out sick today, Principal Celestia is out of the office, and none of the other teachers will take your word over mine." She smiled cruelly, "And I have it on good authority that this hallway is a blind spot in the school's security system until the repairman gets here next week. Now spill it."

I gulped, "We may have... lost it?"

Sunset's expression went blank, "What."

"So, funny story. After we accidentally took it last night, we decided to bring it back, but when we opened the bag we brought it in, it wasn't there."

Sunset said nothing.

"But don't worry!" I continued. "Even if we don't know exactly where it is, there's only a few places it could be! If we search for it, we should—!"

Sunset let go of my collar and, to my surprise, took a few steps back. I'd been expected her to break my nose, not look like she was on the verge of a panic attack.

"You lost it," she muttered. She grabbed big fistfuls of her hair and barely restrained herself from pulling chunks of it out in frustration. "You lost it?!"

"Not on purpose!" Starlight interrupted, but Sunset acted like she didn't even hear it.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?! Obviously not, look who I'm talking to!" She reached out like she was going to wrap her hands around my throat, but stopped herself, opened her backpack, stuck her head into it, and let out a muffled shriek of fury. Once she finished, she slammed her fist into the locker beside my head. "I am not going to let six years of hard work and planning go down the drain just because you couldn't stick to only ruining your own life. You are going to find that crown and bring me to it, or so help me—!"

"Leave them alone, Sunset Shimmer!"

All four of us turned to face the unfamiliar voice. Standing at the end of the hallway (on two legs this time) was Twilight, her hands balled into fists and her growling dog perched on her shoulder like an ugly parrot. Sunset recovered from the interruption quickly.

"What did you say?" she snarled.

"I said, 'Leave them alone, Sunset Shimmer!'" said Twilight, fearlessly meeting the challenge.

"Why? They aren't friends of yours," said Sunset, practically spitting the word "friends".

"Strangers are just friends you haven't made yet," retorted Twilight.

Sunset scoffed, "What, did Celestia tell you that?"

The girls and I traded looks. They knew each other?

Twilight marched over to her, "She tells that to all her students. Perhaps you'd know that if you paid attention during her lessons."

Sunset got right up in Twilight's face, "Don't you dare insult my intelligence, you little teacher's pet! Just because you got a fancy crown and a set of wings doesn't make you better than me."

"I didn't come here to argue with you, Sunset. I'm here to take back what you stole from me."

"I think you mean what rightfully belongs to me, and if you'd stop interrupting me, I'm in the process of..." she turned back and trailed off when she saw that I wasn't where she'd left me. While those two were distracted, I signaled the girls to follow me and stealthily tiptoed away. We were an arm's reach from freedom when we were spotted.

"Hey!"

We took off again. Sunset and Twilight followed, one quickly, and the other clumsily.

Was our plan a bad one that had no chance of ending well for us unless we got extremely lucky since most of the teachers dislike us? Yes. Fortunately, we DID get extremely lucky, so we faced no consequences for our stupidity!

...

Okay, there were some consequences, but I'll get to that. The point is that we lucked out!

We turned the corner and almost ran face-first into a group of three familiar figures.

"Oh!" exclaimed Principal Celestia.

Relief washed over me. If there was anyone besides Luna that could save us, it was her.

Sunset and Twilight rounded the corner too, and simultaneously ground to a halt and let out a pair of gasps.

"Princess Celestia!" exclaimed Twilight, dipping into a low bow.

Celestia smirked, "Princess Celestia?" She chuckled, "I've been called many things by my students, but never 'princess'. However, I don't think I recognize you, and I make it a point to try and remember all of the students under my care. Are you a transfer student, dear?"

Twilight stood up straight and sputtered, "Y-Yes prin—ma'am! I just arrived here today; though, it's very likely I won't be staying for very long."

Celestia tilted her head, "And why is that?"

"Well, I—" Twilight's eye drifted to the side, and she sucked in a sharp breath.

I followed her gaze and saw what had caught her attention; the same thing that had captured Sunset's undivided attention and rendered her silent when she would normally be very talkative. My heart skipped a beat when I noticed the crown held in the hands of the second figure, my sister.

"That's my crown; you found it!" said Twilight, stepping forward and reaching for it with a smile.

Jill pulled it away, fixing her with a stern glare.

"This is school property."

"Where did you find it?!" asked Sunset, her expression one of elation at having found the crown.

Jill raised an eyebrow at the normally composed Sunset's mannerisms, "I was turning in some forms for the Beta Club yesterday and noticed that the crown was a little dirty. I took it home and cleaned it, but forgot to tell the Principal before I did." She gave an apologetic smile to Celestia and said, "Sorry about that, by the way," before turning to me and giving me the flattest look I'd ever seen.

I blinked owlishly. Why would she—?

"I was with her when she borrowed the crown, so I can confirm all of this. I'm also at fault for not reminding her to send you an email," said the third figure, standing to the left of Celestia.

I'd been so distracted by the relief at running into Celestia and the shock of seeing my sister with the crown, that I hadn't processed the presence of the third member of the group, someone who Lyra and Starlight had noticed much sooner than I had.

Standing at 5'9 and sporting a white sundress was Sweetie Drops, known by her friends as Bon-Bon. She was one of the most respected people in Canterlot High, both by its teachers and students. She was a model student, vice president of the student body government, and close friend of my sister. She was also my least favorite person in that multi-colored nightmare of a school.

Before you ask, yes, even more than Pinkie Pie. I'm scared of Pinkie, but I hate Bon-Bon.

I instantly put myself between Lyra and her former best friend, joining Starlight, who was already standing guard.

"... Well, I shouldn't keep you from your classes," said Celestia, looking sadly between us. "I'll take the crown from here, Miss Daniels."

"I can carry it for you, Principal Celestia!" chirped Sunset, finally taking her eyes off the crown to give the Principal her trademarked teacher's pet face.

Celestia pursed her lips, "... Very well."

Jill reluctantly handed the crown to Sunset, who all but snatched it out of her hands.

"You can come along as well, miss..." Celestia continued, turning her attention to the 'transfer student'.

"O-Oh! My name is Twilight Sparkle!"

"Nice to meet you, Miss Sparkle. Come with me, and we'll work out your class schedule for today."

Principal Celestia moved past us at a brisk pace. Sunset hugged the crown to her chest, practically skipping after the older woman. Twilight, on the other hand, went reluctantly, looking back at us with obvious concern before following.

The five of us said nothing for while. Seeing that no one else was stepping up to the plate, Jill broke the silence.

"I'm not going to ask why you decided to steal the Fall Formal Crown, just don't do it again. You're welcome for bailing you out, by the way."

"We didn't steal it. At least, not in the way you think," I replied.

She narrowed her eyes, seemingly trying to decide whether or not she believed me. In the end, she sighed.

"Either way, try not to do it again."

I nodded, "Got it. Now, if that's all, we should probably get go—"

"I didn't see you at the party last night!" Bon-Bon blurted out.

She clenched her hands when she didn't receive a response, but a look of encouragement from Jill prompted her to continue, and to ignore the angry glares me and Starlight were giving her.

"I... I was hoping to see you at the Halloween party last night, Lyra. I was pretty bummed when you didn't show."

I glanced over my shoulder. Lyra was staring down at her feet and had her hands stuffed in her pockets, probably the same position she'd been in since she first noticed the candy maker looking at her. Lyra said nothing.

Bon-Bon continued, "A-Anyway, the shop has some leftover sweets we didn't manage to sell on Halloween. I was thinking that you could come over and eat some with me while we catch up, just like old ti—"

"Fuck off, Drops," snapped Starlight.

Bon-Bon grit her teeth, "I was talking to Lyra, not you."

"She's made it more than clear that she doesn't want to talk to a Marx-damned snake like you! How many times will it take to finally get that through your big head!"

Bon-Bon started trembling, either from anger, anxiety, or both.

Jill placed a hand on her friend's back and met our gaze, "She just wants to talk things out."

I fought to keep my voice level, "No. Now, we really need to get to class—"

"Please. I know what she did was bad, but she really does want to make things right."

Starlight scoffed derisively, "Of course you'd say that. Birds of a feather flock together."

Jill actually flinched at that, "I..."

She looked at me pleadingly. I said nothing.

Lyra ended the standoff by gently tapping me on the shoulder.

"Let's go," said Lyra, just loud enough for everyone to hear.

Bon-Bon's face dropped.

We nodded. Starlight stepped out in front and led Lyra forward while I followed behind them once they passed. I hoped they'd take the hint, but of course, they didn't.

"LY!" Bon-Bon shouted from behind us, freezing Lyra in her tracks. "Ly, please..."

Starlight whirled around, looking more angry than I'd ever seen. Before she could do something that would probably get her expelled, Lyra surprised all of us by being the one to respond first.

"... Only my friends can call me Ly, and we're not friends anymore, Sweetie Drops."

I beamed proudly at Lyra for having the courage to stand her ground. I also heard a stifled sob from behind me, but I didn't care enough to turn around. Starlight's savage grin told me all I needed to know about Bon-Bon's reaction.

"Thank you for helping us out. Now please, leave us alone," finished Lyra.

Lyra began shuffling down the hallway again. This time, me and Starlight walked on either side and supported her weight, just like the two of them had helped walk me to class after my first encounter with Pinkie. I didn't look back, even though I could feel the weight of Jill's eyes on me as we walked away. I figure she was probably pissed at me, but that was a future me problem. I had a depressed friend and the inevitable wrath of Sunset to worry about. As Bon-Bon's sobbing finally faded into the distance, I made a mental note to send Jill a text reminding her to stay out of my friends' business while thanking her for the help when I had the time.

After the... tense talk in the hallway, school went on normally for us, which was the last thing any of us expected. None of us were called to the office, we didn't get harassed by Sunset (something we knew would change the second her good mood wore off), and neither Jill nor her friend tried to follow up on their attempted intervention. By the time lunch rolled around, we were... not optimistic, but content with the breathing room normalcy gave us. The fact that the crown was still on this side of the mirror bothered us, but there was nothing we could do about it. It was Principal Celestia's problem now, and since there was absolutely zero chance that she'd believe us if we told her it was from another dimension, we decided to sit back and brace ourselves for the worst.

I was in the middle of preparing some contingencies in case some Warhammer 40k-type shit went down when a tray was placed down in front of me. I looked up from my notebook paper, Starlight looked up from The State and Revolution, and Lyra looked up from the composition notebook she used when she needed to vent.

Twilight Sparkle smiled back at us, "Hello again! May we sit here?"

Behind the inter-dimensional traveler, Fluttershy looked at us like she was reevaluating her life choices.

Author's Note

Join us next time as Twilight takes a ~~very poorly~~ calculated risk!

Playing Both Sides?
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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

Playing Both Sides?

I stared at Twilight for a long moment. When she continued smiling brightly at us, I instinctually looked around at the surrounding tables. It was uncommon, but students from other tables had approached us due to dares before. Even if it was a "transfer student" this time, it was possible that she was doing the same thing to gain clout with the locals and make her disguise more convincing. However, to my surprise, I didn't see anybody sneaking glances at us while barely restraining their laughter. Those who were looking just looked confused.

Seeing this, I decided to act quickly. Firstly because I knew if I didn't say anything, Starlight or Lyra would. Secondly because Twilight needed to be chased off as soon as possible. Her being nearby could only mean that we were going to end up even more involved with whatever Sunset was trying to pull, and I didn't have the stomach for that. So I collected myself and tried to get her off our backs as diplomatically as possible.

"No," I said.

Twilight's smile didn't waver, "Oh, don't worry! I'm not like Sunset; I just want to talk to you three about a few things."

"No. Go away," I said.

Twilight's smile did waver this time, "I know we didn't have the best first impressions of each other, and I'm sorry if I scared you. I promise that I don't have any ill intentions; I really do want to talk."

I pursed my lips. She was more persistent than 90% of the student body, I'd give her that. Still, I wanted nothing to do with whatever brand of trouble she was inevitably going to get us involved in. Glancing at Fluttershy, who frowned and averted her gaze when we made eye contact, I went for a different strategy.

"Really? I don't think your friend feels the same way."

Twilight laughed, "Don't be silly, Fluttershy is one of the kindest people you could ever meet! I'm sure she'd be happy to talk to you. Right, Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy blushed at the compliment, but bit her lip and didn't respond. When it was clear that no response was forthcoming, Twilight's smile finally fell, replaced by an expression of genuine shock. Fluttershy shrunk back from Twilight's expression, but to my genuine surprise, stuck to her guns instead of lying to make her friend(?) feel better.

"We... um... don't get along...", she murmured.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" asked Twilight.

"She said that we don't get along," an annoyed Starlight jumped in. Just like me, she had no desire to sit through two minutes of Fluttershy's mumbling. "But what she means is that she doesn't like us. Am I right?"

Once again, Fluttershy averted her gaze, but didn't say anything.

Twilight looked back and forth between us with undisguised disbelief. Knowing what I know now, I can't blame Twilight for her reaction. The fact that we made the representative of the concept of kindness itself hold a grudge would throw anybody for a loop.

...

How did we manage that? Well, it happened about a month ago when we decided to recruit her into our group. Any good cultist knows that the best way to get new members is to target insecure people, and there was nobody we knew who was more of an insecure pushover than Fluttershy, so we approached her after school one day intending to make our pitch.

"Hello, Fluttershy! Have you ever wanted to stop being a lonely loser?"

Fluttershy continued giving us the same deer-in-the-headlights look she'd been giving us since we first surrounded her at the statue.

I continued, "Well I don't know how to do that, but I do know how you can cope with it! Join HEH and you'll get friends, food, and a group of people who will help bear the crushing burden of your inadequacies and insecurities! Doesn't that sound nice?"

It wasn't the greatest pitch, but being the spokesman was a last minute decision. Lyra had a sore throat, and I'd run out of excuses for why I couldn't try recruiting like Starlight wanted me to, so I got saddled with the job. I planned out an entire speech during English class, threw it away because I realized it sucked, and decided to to wing it and hope that bashing her over the head with her failings would get results.

It didn't. Fluttershy did what she always did: curl up into a ball and hope her problems went away. No judgement from me; I and my friends have employed that strategy on multiple occasions. Still, it meant my first idea had failed, so I moved on to plan B.

I looked at Starlight and motioned towards our prospective member with my head. If we were going to try convincing Fluttershy while she was in this state, then I couldn't be the one to do it. After all, peer pressuring a pretty girl is only socially acceptable if another pretty girl does it.

Starlight nodded, taking my place and mustered all of her charisma.

"Hey," she said softly, getting down on one knee. "If you promise to attend just one meeting, then we'll leave you alone. How does that sou—?"

The plan was to get her to agree in order to get rid of us, knowing that Fluttershy was way too much of a softie to go back on her word. Unfortunately, that plan didn't pan out.

Her backpack burst open, and a cat, a bird, and a rabbit lunged for Starlight in defense of their owner. Always on alert for surprise attacks, Starlight instantly backward-somersaulted away from the claws of her attackers. Lyra and I stepped forward to defend our friend, and the animals charged. Then the fight was on.

"Wait!"

The animals chose their targets and split off. The cat lunged forward and took another swipe at Starlight's face, only to miss again when Starlight did the splits, letting the cat sail overhead. What little I saw of what followed was breathtaking; Starlight and the cat traded blows and danced around each other in increasingly complex acrobatic maneuvers. Lyra and the bird engaged each other in a different kind of battle: a musical duel. Birdsong was set against lyre in a performance that would've brought even Octavia to tears.

As for me, I was in a standoff with the rabbit. It stared me down, its glare a silent challenge. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Starlight and Lyra going with the flow by using anime logic was expected; they're semi-human supernatural entities who thankfully were fond of me. By contrast, I'm a normal guy who didn't want to be there.

"Wait!"

Still, I had my pride. I was not about to back down from a challenge. Well, okay, I wasn't about to back down from a challenge if the one issuing it was smaller and weaker than me. Either way, I needed to back up my friends, so I was standing my ground. As such, when that rabbit took a running jump at my head, I smacked that sucker down like I was spiking a volleyball.

"Angel!"

The cat stopped swiping, Starlight stopped dodging, the bird stopped singing, and Lyra stopped playing.

Fluttershy sprinted forward and scooped the rabbit up into her arms. After looking it over for injuries, she glared up at me with tear-filled eyes.

"I-I'd never join a group filled with bunny hitters like you! You... you MEANIE!"

She turned on her heels and ran away, sobbing loudly. The cat and bird followed behind, shooting dirty looks at me as they did.

Do I regret it? Not at all. If that rabbit didn't want to get smacked, it shouldn't have attacked me. Besides, that thing probably runs on cartoon logic like everyone else at that school. I'm sure it's fine.

Fluttershy's held a bit of a grudge ever since, hence the frown of displeasure she'd worn the entire conversation. It looked like she liked her new friend enough to not just walk away mid-conversation, but didn't like her enough to lie.

Deciding to strike while the iron was hot, I said, "If you're looking for people to help you get introduced to people, you've come to the wrong place. You should probably go talk with my sister about that. She was the brown-haired girl carrying the Fall Formal Crown earlier; she's sitting right over there."

I pointed to a table on the other side of the room where Jill sat, staring down at her barely-touched meal.

"Jill's the girl to ask if you want to make connections." I made to resume writing on my scrap paper, but hesitated. "But, uh, she's not great at dealing with complicated issues. You should use her to help get situated, nothing else."

Twilight looked over at Jill, then back to me, "Oh, you mean the girl whose friend you were glaring at earlier?"

I grimaced, "Yes."

"I spoke with her earlier. She was quite helpful, but getting acclimated is not why I'm here. I've come to talk to you because, well..." Twilight turned to Fluttershy and gave her a look.

Fluttershy looked hesitant, but nodded, "I'll wait for you at the table, Twilight."

She walked away, and Twilight leaned towards us.

"I wanted to talk to you since you seem to know what's going on, and you don't seem to be on Sunset's side. Did you already know about Equestria?"

Lyra perked up, "Equestria? As in latin for 'land of horses'?"

Ah shit.

Twilight nodded, "Yes, that is the meaning of our country's name in pony latin."

"Pony Latin?!" Lyra was grinning like a maniac.

Starlight and I shared a look.

I firmly grasped Lyra by the shoulder, "Hey Ly, maybe we should continue this conversation out in the hall?"

Without waiting for an answer, Starlight and I marched Lyra out of the cafeteria, a confused Twilight following behind us. Once we were outside and sure that no one was looking, we let go of Lyra. She didn't miss a beat.

"Are you from a parallel dimension inhabited by magical horses and star spirits?!"

Twilight blinked, "I... I suppose? Although, we're ruled by Alicorn princesses who have dominion over the stellar bodies, they're not star spirits."

Lyra whipped out her dream journal and put a pen to paper in about two seconds, "Tell me more."

Twilight hesitated, shooting us a questioning glance. Starlight and I didn't react, so Twilight began to answer Lyra's many questions. To summarize, Twilight explained that Lyra was right about pretty much everything: that the world on the other side of the mirror was populated by mythical creatures, that magic was real, that all of Lyra's dreams directly correlated to real events, that Twilight's world was indeed a mirror of our own, and that Twilight herself was a recently ascended Alicorn princess.

I didn't believe it. A stranger comes through a mirror portal and confirms all the things that would make Lyra willing to cooperate with her? It seemed too good to be true. I leaned over to Starlight when Lyra and Twilight were distracted by the pictures Lyra had taken through the portal earlier.

"What do you think of all this?" I whispered.

"I think she's an aristocratic, bourgeoisie bitch, and we have a moral obligation to oppose her in any way we can!" she growled.

I nodded. That was about what I expected her to say.

"I was thinking that we should just stay out of this whole mess, but sure. Now how are we supposed to convince Lyra of that?"

Starlight frowned, "If I knew what to say to make her stop being a reactionary, I would've said it by now."

"So, we can't?"

"I don't think so, and it's not like we can ditch her."

"Of course not," I agreed. "What's the plan, then?"

Starlight ground her teeth for a bit before finally gathering the strength to say, "We... cooperate with the princess for now and make sure Ly doesn't do anything stupid."

I nodded, "Got it. We'll try to keep her and us as distant from this mess as possible."

The conclusion of our discussion was perfect timing on our part, because Lyra chose that moment to turn to us.

"You all agree, right guys?"

Starlight pinched me before I could instinctually agree with whatever Lyra was talking about.

"Agree with what?" she asked.

"Princess Twilight wants us to help her get the Element of Magic back! What do you think?"

"And what exactly does... princess Twilight... want us to do to accomplish this?"

Twilight stepped forward, "Nothing in particular right now; Lyra already told me that you don't have a way to get the crown back right now. But having some new friends is never a negative! Just keep me updated on if a way to get my crown back comes up."

"Will do," I jumped in. "And don't feel the need to track us down; we'll come find you if we have any updates."

Twilight smiled gratefully, "Thank you so much. I'm sorry again for how our first meeting went."

"Don't worry about it. Now, isn't Fluttershy waiting for you?"

Twilight gasped, "Oh my Celestia, you're right!" She turned on her heel and jogged back to the cafeteria, waving back at us over her shoulder, "Thank you again!"

Once the door had closed behind her, we turned to Lyra.

She beamed, "Can you believe it?! I was right!"

She shoved her phone in our faces. I flipped through the pictures, all of which were blurry to the point of incomprehensibility. I was able to make out a few figures that maybe, kinda looked like horses if you squint, but they just as easily could've been something else. I was about to say as much, but then I looked up and saw the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I... I was right," she sobbed, a relieved smile on her face. "I'm not crazy; I was right. It wasn't all for nothing. I-I'm so happy."

I handed Lyra her phone and gave her a smile of my own, "Congratulations, Ly."

Her lip quivered. She lunged forward and wrapped me in a tight hug.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you both for sticking with me."

I hugged her back, Starlight joining in as well. It was a nice moment; too bad it couldn't have lasted.

Someone started slow-clapping behind us.

"Aww, what a sweet moment."

We spun around and saw Sunset Shimmer standing there with a shit-eating grin.

"Congratulations, Lyra. You didn't get thrown under the bus by Bon-Bon for nothing after all!"

"What do you want?" Starlight grouched.

"Shut the fuck up," Sunset said in that same cheerful tone. "I may be smiling, but I'm still furious with you three. You do not want to see what happens if my good mood goes away."

Starlight pursed her lips, but said nothing.

"Glad that you understand. Now-" she put her hands together, "I'm going to cut to the chase: since Deranged Daniels over there got Snips and Snails suspended again, I'm going to need you three to be my lackeys in their place."

After waiting for the punchline that never came, Starlight said "And why would we ever-"

"Because if you don't, then I'm going to call in a few favors and have your internet search histories all over MyStable by this time tomorrow!"

The three of us shared a grim look A silent conversation passed between us, our deep bond enabling us to communicate perfectly without needing to say anything. Once all of us were on the same page, we faced Sunset and declared our intent in unison.

"Can we have some time to think it over?" I said.

"Fine," said Starlight.

"We would never betray Princess Twilight!" said Lyra.

We shared another look. Looks like we weren't on the same page after all.

"Excuse us for a moment," said Starlight.

Sunset just pointed to her watch with a noticeably more impatient expression than before.

The three of us walked a short distance away and huddled up.

"What are you two thinking?!" Lyra whispered. "How could you even think of betraying the princess?!"

"Because sometimes we must do heinous things in service of a greater good, and that greater good is keeping what little dignity we have left," said Starlight. "Also, Twilight is a royal who should be liquidated like the rest of her kind." she gave me a curious look, "I'm surprised by your answer, Jack. I figured you'd be on my side here."

"I'd like it if we didn't commit to getting even more involved in whatever inter-dimensional National Treasure plot is going on here," I said. "I'd rather not piss off the magical princess we just agreed to cooperate with, but telling Sunset to take a hike is just asking for trouble. We need to be smart about this so that our porn preferences don't become tomorrow's gossip topic."

The conversation turned into a quiet debate about the pros and cons of our positions. At the end of it, we'd reached a shaky consensus: we'd help both sides. The plan was to walk the tightrope between Sunset and Twilight, trying our best to please both while not fully committing to either. None of us liked it, but that just means it was a good compromise.

We turned back to Sunset, who was still standing there with an expression that made it hard to tell if she found us amusing or pathetic. Probably both.

"What do you want us to do?" Starlight asked.

"Guess you're smarter than you look." Sunset gestured for us to follow, "Follow me; you're going to help me keep the teacher's pet from rallying her friends."

Author's Note

I LIVE!

Sorry for the wait. Life and my job have been putting pressure on me these days. Hopefully, I'll be able to update more frequently now that I'm out of my funk.

I Sold my Soul for a Nutter Butter
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How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid

I Sold my Soul for a Nutter Butter

"You gonna get out?"

I snapped back to reality, "Huh?"

"We're at Lyra's house. Are you coming in, or are you just going to sit in the car?" Starlight asked in amusement.

It took me a moment to regain my bearings. The latter half of the school day had gone by in a blur. My mind had been so abuzz with speculations about the situation I'd found myself in, I'd gone through everything else on autopilot. Before I knew it, school was over and I was slipping in the back of Lyra's Volkswagen Beetle without so much as a second thought.

"No chance to back out now, I guess."

"Ah, sorry," I replied, unbuckling my seatbelt and climbing out.

She followed behind me as I walked past her and over to Lyra, who was fiddling with the unusually stubborn lock on the front door.

"Her Mom and Dad are usually home at this time of day, so you'll probably get to meet them," Starlight said.

Memories of the last time a girl introduced me to her parents flashed through my mind. I gulped.

"Anything I should know about them in advance?" I asked.

Lyra spoke up reflexively, the majority of her focus still on the door lock, "Mom's an artist, but she also works as a middle school art teacher. She's really welcoming, so I think you'll like her. My Dad is a math professor, and he can be a little stern, but I promise that he- oh! Finally!"

The lock yielded, allowing Lyra to open the front door and usher us inside her house. The interior was messy—sort of. The floors were unobstructed by clothes or other miscellaneous objects, but the furniture and walls were littered with decorations. Ornate candles, lace curtains, and paintings of varying styles were everywhere. Yet, in spite of how cluttered it all made the house feel, closer inspection showed that every decoration was meticulously considered and placed, creating the effect of having the wildly disparate decorations somehow complement each other.

After closing the door behind us, Lyra called out, "Mom, Dad! I'm home!"

Almost immediately, two figures leaned out of adjacent doors down the hallway. The woman looked like an older version of Lyra, and wore a black beret and paint-spattered white smock. The man had black hair and light grey skin, but his eyes were just as golden as his daughter's. In contrast with his wife's messier appearance, he wore a slightly worn, but still pristine, black suit.

"Welcome home, my melody!" the woman sang as she left the room and made her way towards us. When she got to us, she planted a kiss on Lyra's cheek before sweeping Starlight into a hug. "And welcome back, Starlight!"

"Hello, Mrs. Heartstrings!" Starlight said happily as she returned the hug.

"And who is this?" Mr. Heartstrings smiled as he approached me, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Crap.

Starlight grinned and threw her arm around my shoulders, "This is Jack, and he's our new friend!"

Both parents sized me up: Mr. Heartstrings with obvious suspicion, and Mrs. Heartstrings with a welcoming yet apprehensive expression. I smiled nervously.

Finally, Mr. Heartstrings turned to his daughter and gave her a meaningful look, "Are you sure?"

Lyra hesitated. After a moment of contemplation, she nodded.

"He's a lot like me," she stated.

Mr. Heartstrings stared at me for a few tense moments before nodding stiffly.

"Take care of Lyra," he ordered.

"O-Of course," I replied. Confused as I was about what he meant, I was just glad he wasn't going to chase me out.

Mrs. Heartstrings gave me a small smile, "As long as you really are a friend to my daughter, you're always welcome here."

She then gave me a hug of my own, and I felt my face catching fire.

"T-Thank you, ma'am..."

"Alright, then! To the lair!" Starlight cut in, grabbing mine and Lyra's hands and dragging us after her.

"I'll make dinner for everyone!" Mrs. Heartstrings called after us.

Starlight dragged us to the final door at the end of the main hall. She threw it open, revealing a set of stairs leading downwards, and brought us down to the basement. From there, she took us through another door and into what I presumed to be Lyra's bedroom. I briefly glanced around and saw that a sort of organized chaos reigned supreme with regards to how it was decorated. Like mother like daughter, it seemed.

After shutting the door, Starlight ran over to a podium that looked like it had once belonged to a church, pulled a gavel out from a wicker basket that was resting on a nearby window sill, and banged it against the pulpit a few times.

"This meeting of the Household of Equality and Harmony is officially open! Today, we're planning to welcome a brand new member into our ranks. Say hi to Jack, everyone!"

Lyra waved, "Hi, Jack"

"Uh, hello again," I said.

Starlight continued, "Here at HEH, we provide a safe place for our members to discuss our insights into the world around us. Whether we want to theorize about the mystical worlds that exist alongside our own, or want to expound on how to achieve true equality in our society, we accept contributions from everyone in this community. We also seek to spread the ideals of equality and make the world a better place. We accomplish this by way of local outreach and community activism!" She then gained an uncharacteristically serious expression. "But first, you need to accept formal membership."

She reached into the wicker basket and pulled out a piece of notebook paper.

"Before you can join, you must recite the group's official oath, and swear to uphold it."

She held the paper out to me.

I hesitantly took it from her. As I read it, however, my apprehension melted away into incredulity.

"What's wrong?" Starlight asked.

I rubbed my eyes, feeling very tired all of a sudden.

"Starlight, is this a cult?"

The girl in question bristled, "No! It's an organization that promotes love and equality!"

That confirmed it; it was a cult. I turned and gave Lyra a searching look. She simply reached into her bag and pulled out a box of Nutter Butters.

"We have snacks?" she said, holding out the peanut butter snacks as a peace offering.

Of course something like this would happen. I actually make some friends on my first day and they try to rope me into a cult. Perfect.

"...So I just have to recite this?" I asked.

"And sign your name at the bottom," said Lyra, and Starlight nodded gravely as she held out a sparkly pen for me to take.

I suppressed a sigh, took the pen, and signed my name.

...

What?

...

Of course I joined. What did you think I was going to do? So what if it was a cult? I was pretty sure it was harmless, and I could always back out if they tried to make me give a blood offering or drink poison. Plus, again, those two were my best chance at figuring out what was up with the city. It wasn't ideal, but it was necessary.

...

No, I did NOT join because I was lonely! It's easy for you to sit there and say there were other things I could've done, but you didn't go through what I did, did you? How else was I supposed to react when my world stopped making sense, my sister ditched me again, and I had nowhere else to turn? How else was I supposed to react when a couple of admittedly weird people offered to try and make things make sense? What does it matter if the first people to sincerely offer me friendship happened to be a little eccentric, huh?!

...

Ahem, a-anyway, after signing my name, I cleared my throat and recited the oath.

"I swear, in the name of [Insert chosen deity of worship], to obey the following terms to the best of my ability:

I will give the benefit of the doubt to all viewpoints raised by members of the group.

I will not share information discussed in the group's official meetings with outsiders unless given clearance from all other members.

I will be best friends with the other members of HEH.

I will not cooperate with any individuals/groups/organizations that are connected to or in cooperation with the federal government.

I will report any strange/prophetic dreams I have to the other members of the group. Addendum: In light of the Unlocked Door Incident, sensual/sexual dreams are exempt from this rule.

I will resolve any issues I have with other members of the group in-person. I will not talk behind their backs or ghost them.

I will bring snacks to group meetings when requested.

"Having stated my commitment before one or more witnesses, and having reaffirmed it by way of my signature, I am now a formal member of the Household of Equality and Harmony (HEH). Thank you for listening, and have a nice day."

After I finished, Starlight clapped her hands in excitement, and Lyra gave such a radiant smile that it momentarily took my breath away.

"Yay, we officially have a new member!" Starlight exclaimed as she snatched the paper from my hands and held it aloft like a trophy. She danced in place for a moment and hugged it to her chest before catching herself, clearing her throat, and putting it back in the wicker basket.

Lyra moved her bean bag closer to me and held out one of her snacks.

"Nutter Butter?" she offered.

You better bet I took that Nutter Butter. Love those things.

"Now that you've joined, let's get this show on the road!" said Starlight. "In our meetings, we always go around and share our concerns and insights. Since you've just joined, and you clearly have a lot on your mind, we'll let you start things off! So, Jack—" Starlight leaned forward and gave me an expression that I assumed was supposed to seem empathetic, but just made her look constipated. "—tell us what's been causing you distress today."

In spite of how far I'd come, I seriously considered backing out right then. I was terrified that I'd tell them everything, and they'd laugh me out of the house. Nevertheless, I brushed my fears aside and began.

"Okay, this might sound weird, but just bear with me."

Hesitantly at first, but gaining confidence when neither of them started laughing, I told them everything. I told them about their unnatural skin and hair, about how no one else in the world had such features, and most importantly, how no one else noticed. I gradually became more animated, my barely suppressed hysteria finally bubbling out.

"-And no one notices! I'm the only one! I even Googled it in between classes; there's NO mention of anyone having organic features like yours. Then I look up this city, and pictures of you guys are plastered everywhere, and NOBODY comments on it! This whole situation makes no sense, but my sister and parents act like I'M the crazy one for noticing!"

I finished my tirade and plopped back down on the stool I'd commandeered, emotionally exhausted by the experience. I felt relieved to finally get all that off my chest, but the continued silence turned my relief to dread. I slowly looked up, scared that they would be looking at me with the same expression of annoyed contempt I'd seen on my sister's face earlier that morning. Luckily, my fears proved to be unfounded. Starlight was lost in thought, rubbing her chin as she processed everything I'd said. Lyra, on the other hand, was literally at the edge of her seat.

"Anything else?" Lyra asked, vibrating with excitement.

"Uh... not that I can think of. I've only been here for a day."

"And you haven't had any strange dreams lately?" Lyra asked the instant I finished.

I thought back on my most recent dream. It had consisted of getting to my new school and immediately acing a test, causing my sister to break down in tears since she'd bombed hers. Then I was approached by Alicia, my old middle school crush, who publicly declared her love for me. It concluded with the whole class cheering and slapping me on the back as Alicia started feeding me soft-serve ice cream.

I decided my dream was not what Lyra was looking for, and shook my head.

"Hmm..." Lyra stood up and started pacing. "Your experience sounds like it could certainly be related to the Equine realm, but the lack of dreams seems to poke a hole in that theory. And if it is related, then why haven't I noticed..?" She squeed, "Oh, this is so exciting!"

I hesitantly interrupted her musings, "Equine realm? Does that have something to do with what you mentioned about horses earlier?"

Lyra's infectious excitement melted away in an instant, and she reverted to a bundle of nerves.

"Ah, w-well, you see...um...I...well..."

I was about to ask if she was okay when Starlight beat me to the punch. She snapped out of her reverie, strode over to Lyra, and grabbed her shoulder.

"It'll be okay, Ly," Starlight cooed. "Jack is a friend now. You can trust him. If he breaks that trust, your parents and I will make sure no one finds the body."

I wisely decided to remain silent.

Lyra bit her lip, took a few deep breaths, glanced over at me, shuddered, took a few more deep breaths, and then began.

"I don't know exactly when it started. All I know is that I've been having odd dreams for as long as I can remember. Odd dreams of another world that lives alongside us, one that both is and isn't present here on Earth. And they weren't just odd, they were consistent. I didn't have them every night, but when I did have them, they all took place in the same setting and had the same themes. Growing up, I thought this was normal. Sure, the other kids would sometimes look at me funny when I talked about my dreams, but no one ever made fun of me at first. I guess everyone thought I just had an active imagination, and for most of my life, that's what I thought too. I just went on with my life, made friends, and occasionally wrote music that was inspired by the weird dreams I sometimes had.

"Two years ago, that changed. My dreams used to be vague, but one night, it all became so much more vivid. I dreamt of the Moon defeating the Sun and conquering the world; all the while, scores of its inhabitants cowered in fear. But then, when all hope seemed lost, a great light burned away the darkness and brought back the Sun. Before I woke up, I saw the inhabitants of the world jumping for joy, and saw that they were mythical creatures of all kinds. Unicorns, Pegasi, you name it.

"I kept having the vivid dreams after that, and I learned so much about the world I'd always assumed to be the product of my imagination. I saw entire civilizations built around magic and ruled over by two immortal star spirits. The dreams kept coming in even greater frequencies, and now it's nearly the only thing I ever see when I sleep. Slowly, I began to realize that these weren't just dreams: they were a window into another world!"

Lyra paused, taking a wary glance at me. She was heartened at my lack of scorn and/or amusement, and continued her tale.

"No one believes me, and a lot of people didn't want to hear about my theories, but that hasn't stopped my research! I don't know a lot of specifics, but Starlight has given me a space to voice my thoughts. And now I have you: living proof that I'm not crazy!" Lyra burst into joyous and obviously-not-crazy-sounding laughter.

As she reveled in her perceived victory, I processed everything I'd been told. I didn't know exactly what to think at first; how do you respond to that kind of information? If I hadn't wound up in a town full of pastel people and had an existential crisis that morning, I'd probably have tried to come up with the most tactful way to tell her to seek professional help. Luckily, my first day in Canterlot had opened my mind to the prospect of supernatural shit being afoot, so I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. Besides, even if I didn't buy her magical horse world theory, it was entirely possible that Lyra's dreams had at least a grain of truth in them.

Understatement of the century right there, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

"Ahem!"

Starlight's conspicuously loud throat clearing brought me back to reality. Lyra had finished her totally sane-sounding laughter, and was nervously waiting for me to say something. I realized that I needed to dispel any fear of rejection she was feeling before she became discouraged. My mind moved at superhuman speeds, calculating the most reassuring phrases I could use, while also ensuring I didn't stick my foot in my mouth. I had no intention of repeating the debacle with my sister that morning. I was going to dispel Lyra's fears in a decisive, clear, and sophisticated manner.

"Your dreams sound cool. Please be my friend."

Nailed it.

Lyra squeed and wrapped me in a vice grip (that's not an exaggeration, that girl is WAY stronger than she has any right to be). I silently pled for Starlight to help me, but she joined the hug, pushing my poor spine to the breaking point. Fortunately for my back, both of them let go before they could send me to an early grave.

"This is the best day ever!" Lyra squealed.

"I know! We've made a new fr- acquired a new member, and he hasn't run away screaming!" Starlight gushed, then gasped. "And now that you two have talked, it's my turn!"

"Your turn?" I asked.

"Mhm!" Starlight rushed over the wicker basket and rifled through it. "Now that you and Lyra have shared your experiences and worldviews, I get to do the same. I may not have problems as deep as you two, but I do have passions of my own! Political passions!"

I'd been smiling, but my expression froze upon the utterance of the dreaded p-word.

Starlight finally pulled out a red book and rushed over to me, shoving it in my face. Written in gold lettering, the book's cover read Economic Problems of Socialism in the USSR by Joseph Stalin.

"Tell me, Jack: what do you think is the ideal way to safeguard the workers' revolution from counter-revolutionaries and revisionists?"

I stared at Starlight's expression of childlike glee, feeling the sort of sinking disappointment I hadn't felt since I learned the Easter Bunny wasn't real.

"Uh, I don't know," I muttered.

"Right?! It's such a difficult question with so many potential answers! Personally, I favor semi-frequent party purges, but..."

I tried my best to follow Starlight's train of thought for a bit, but that girl can talk faster than an auctioneer when she gets riled up. I threw in the towel after half a minute and turned my attention to the room's other inhabitant.

"Are you also a communist?" I asked.

Lyra shook her head, "No, although I'm sure Starlight would prefer that."

I relaxed. It was good to hear that my new friends wouldn't be both cultists AND extremists.

"So, what are you?"

Lyra smiled, "I'm a monarchist!"

I blinked, "...So, you're an Anglophile?"

Lyra giggled cutely, "No, silly! I believe the monarch should be invested with autocratic powers, and ought to be supported by an influential class of aristocrats! The parliament should only serve an advisory role, but ideally, it wouldn't exist in the first place."

I felt my exhaustion, which had faded over the course of the evening, come back with a vengeance.

Starlight pulled Lyra into a side hug and gave me a smile that, while genuine, looked a little cracked at the edges.

"Lyra may have a few backwards ideas, but I'm sure she'll come around eventually!"

Lyra scoffed playfully, "As if I'll ever buy into your utopian gobbledygook."

I watched as the two of them got into a friendly debate over the merits of central planning vs. feudalism, wondering for what was probably the fifth time that day whether I'd made a terrible mistake. Thankfully, the passage of time would prove my fears unfounded. Starlight and Lyra care about each other too much to argue with any real venom, so their debates never got out of hand. Plus, after I joined, they had a sensible voice to balance out their more extreme positions.

...

Huh? My political stance? I'm an anarcho-capitalist, why?

...

What?

...

Alright then, keep your secrets. Anyway, after about five minutes of spirited debate, they were interrupted by the sound of the stairway door opening.

"Kids! Dinner's ready! Come and eat before the food gets cold!" Mrs. Heartstrings called out.

Starlight sighed, "Well, I guess we'll have to wait to finish this discussion till later. C'mon, Jack, Mrs. Heartstrings hates it when we let her food get cold."

Starlight started to make her way up the stairs, but was cut off when Lyra grabbed me by the hand and dragged me upstairs in a dead sprint.

"Hey!"

Lyra giggled, and I couldn't help but crack a smile myself. Right then, seeing the joy in Lyra's eyes, and looking back to see Starlight's expression of mirth-laced annoyance, I decided that I hadn't made a mistake befriending these two after all. I still stand by that decision today. In spite of everything those two put me through, I wouldn't trade my time with them for the world. Right then, as I tried not to trip on the last couple stairs, I committed to seeing this new friendship through to the end, whatever that end may be.

It was a good thing I did so, because the first major challenge to our friendship reared its ugly head less than an hour later.

Author's Note

I do not endorse or ascribe to any political ideologies held by these characters, I just thought it'd be funny.

This story is meant to be primarily humorous. The main characters' extreme politics and personal issues are meant to supplement the comedy/plot, not dominate it. If it ever feels like I'm making too many "haha meme ideologies" jokes, feel free to let me know.