New Year's passed, and Cadance and I watched another movie in the theater about some old guy trying to commit suicide that was heart-wrenchingly sweet and bitter and so fucking sad; I cried real tears by the end of it because he got his will to live back only to die of old age, anyway. Thank God the theater was dark enough for nopony to take notice of it, seriously.

Let's see, what else happened..? The guys and I (as well as Twilight) played another Ogres and Oubliettes campaign, Shining was still a dumb idiot, and Aunt Celestia adopted Sunset because it turned out her birth parents were criminals on the run from the law stealing priceless art and jewelry wherever they went. Oh, and Eight Bit asked me out, to which I said no.

All in all, the winter was crap. I was glad Winter Wrap-Up was a thing, and ponies started cleaning up the white stuff within a day or so. It was weird, 'nough said.

That said, Aunt Celestia sucked at being a parent since she still let Sunset walk all over her and bully us. Speaking of bullying, Sunset got into a hissy fit over me destroying her precious research, giving me a black eye for my troubles and a warning that she was onto me and I better watch where I go, yadda yadda yadda. As far as threats went, I wasn't very concerned because she still seemed clueless about Cady's and my true nature.

Truly, I was lucky to have her as my cousin. Yay. Woohoo. Great...

Anyway! I introduced Cadance to Long Play after she kept asking me who gave me that bottle of high-percentage alcohol and where she could get more. She hit it off well enough with the musician to consider joining me occasionally on a night out. It didn't take a genius to see that LP knew I had the hots for my best friend, and he sucked at being my wingman, seriously.

I spent a couple of hours each night contemplating life and my lot in it, brooding silently on my balcony like the lonely, edgy bat that I was. How unlucky could one pony be? I must have had the worst luck with my love life; it wasn't even funny. Either Cadance was really that blind to my advances, or she simply wasn't interested in me despite the way she kept 'teasing' me. Was I the oblivious one here, or did she not recognize what she was doing to me? Ugh, she was just the worst.

As far as Christmas presents went, the guys were more or less appreciative of what they got from me (hence why I turned down Eight Bit and called Shining Armor an idiot). Aunty Celestia actually wore the fetlet thing in private, and I got my ears pierced to show off the jewelry Cadance got for me. Twilight was over the moon at receiving a signed copy of Starswirl's Beginners Guide to Magic from me (and Aunt Jellysun, technically).

The less said about the gifts I received from the guys, the better. At least Twilight meant well, with her choice of present being a book on how to channel magic illustrated in highly complex diagrams and medical mumbo jumbo. At least she didn't do the condescending thing and gift me a children's book like Sunset did. Did I mention she was the most fantastic cousin ever? Because she was... not.

School was a minor inconvenience leading up to the spring months. Computer sciences was annoying as Hell; nothing new there, but Eight Bit and Shining Armor made it worse by constantly wanting to help me while the rest of the class got things done, and I kept struggling to find the damn fucking shit ass mistakes I made. It was my worst class by far, and I barely got a passing grade. Maybe I was not cut out for it. It was not like I was putting in any real effort to learn software development, anyway.

Meanwhile, I was getting surprisingly good at arts and crafts; even sculpting with clay was getting laughably easy once I got the hang of levitation magic. Speaking of magic, causing mischief and mayhem by turning ponies horny did give me a considerable boost in control over my horn. The book Twilight gave me also kind of alleviated my fear of frying my brain since the magic pathways of a unicorn horn were mostly unidirectional, which gave a certain protection against the wrong type of feedback but still allowed the practitioner to cast spells messing with their own heads if they wanted to (for whatever reason).

Basically, even if I broke off my horn, I would be relatively safe from blowing my head off. That didn't mean it couldn't happen, but I would have to be incredibly dumb to manage that. And since the really fun stuff required stupidly powerful magic control, I was probably better off keeping to the basics instead of doing something like time travel or advanced gravity magic... or anything that defied the natural order of the universe, honestly.

Just because I couldn't accidentally fry my own brain from using too much magic didn't mean something else could go horribly wrong. I liked my head where it was, thank you very much. Thankfully, a unicorn's magic toothpick was pretty sturdy, so even intentionally trying to make it explode required some terrible luck (which I was cursed with an abundance of, apparently). The only way to reliably break a unicorn's horn was by physically removing it through force.

So..! I guessed I would stick with turning ponies horny and making stuff float. That and shield spells shouldn't be too hard to master, right? Everything else depended mostly on the situation. Well... I could learn to wield a weapon. It probably was high time I got around to doing that instead of constantly being on the receiving end of those. Maybe a whip to round out the sexy succubus package. Or a halberd as the cowardly option of staying out of range from anyone wanting to murder me. Not that I thought I would need it since ponies didn't tend to be the stabby kind. Or I go with the badass tomb raider style wielding a pair of guns... if I figure out how to make them. Hmm...

Back when Aunty Celestia took us in, she mentioned we would start combat training as soon as we felt ready, magic-wise. After all, we had to be capable of defending our nation in the worst-case scenario. So, I took that as my cue to start working out myself. I might as well get the military training out of the way as soon as possible, right? Right.

I always wanted to become a super secret, sexy spy assassin. Eh heh heh heh...

Anyway! Outside of the usual school drama, nothing much happened in the few months until our anniversary of being princesses came around, and with that, Twilight's entrance exam. Thankfully, it coincided with our springtime break, so I snuck into the classroom to observe the proceedings. It was a big enough deal for the professors to require all the time they could get to grade all the new students hoping to get a place in Aunt Jellosun's school, so it was held during the break. Foals from all over Equestria were invited, and there were a lot of them.

Obviously, I tried not to draw too much attention. Still, a pair of princesses put a lot of pressure on the examiners and the hopeful students. According to the professors, it was perfectly fine since a pair of friendly faces might offset the stern, grouchy expressions they usually put on, anyway. I thought it was a bit over the top, so I did the only logical thing to ease the atmosphere for the little fillies and colts: I drew a funny beard on my muzzle with a black marker and pressured Cadance into doing the same. My time as a foalsitter taught me a thing or two about making a pony laugh, embarrassing as it was.

Ahh... the things I was willing to do for the tiny bookhorse, I swear.

Despite my unorthodox methods, it worked well enough that Cadance didn't tease me for having a heart or something. It also helped that I looked like a silly villain with a curly mustache and goatee, so I rounded out the set and drew a monocle around my right eye (thankfully, the marker I used washed off easily, or I wouldn't have been caught dead doing this). What could I say? I had a heart for little children; I was allowed to take pity on them. Or something like that. Being nice and shit was still new for me, okay?

At least no one took any photos of us while we looked like this, so my tough girl image was still (more or less) intact. I could have cared less what little foals thought of me. Cadance found it adorable, which was a win in my book.

I wasn't really doing myself any favors here trying to make excuses for being a 'big softie' at heart, as Cadance put it. Who gave a fuck, anyway? There was nothing wrong with having a soft spot or two. I was still a badass batpony succubus at the end of the day.

...okay, yes, I had no excuses whatsoever for acting a bit silly in front of a bunch of snot-nosed brats, but at least I got a few giggles out of it. As long as Twilight was less nervous, I could deal with it and totally not regret it later. Definitely.

Ahem! Anyway... moving on. A few ponies among the students taking the advanced entrance exam stood out to me: a mint-green filly called Lyra who was very talkative and more interested in grilling the professors for information than actually trying to hatch the egg for the test. The filly after her was named Moondancer, and she shyly waved up at us. She was quick to admit defeat as soon as she saw the dragon egg (while also rightfully calling out the professors for it being impossible to do—while explaining in detail how it could be theoretically done by a pony as powerful as Aunty Jellybean). The next would-be student was a light blue unicorn filly who was similarly talkative to the mint-green one with a perpetual smile on her muzzle. The pair that followed Minuette already seemed to be friends before they had applied for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, called Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts. At least with those two, I could be confident they wouldn't cause trouble for the professors once school started.

Twilight was the last one to go through the advanced test that day, and she immediately spotted me sitting next to Cadance. "P-Princess?! You are grading the exam, too?!"

I snorted. "No," I responded dryly. "I'm just here looking like a silly goose—Don't say anything, Cady—so you have at least one friendly face sitting up here."

"You don't look like a goose," Twilight deadpanned, and I smirked in amusement, glancing at Cadance pointedly. Cady rolled her eyes good-naturedly, groaning in mock exasperation.

"I'm never going to live that down, am I?" my best pink friend grumbled, giving me the stink eye. "I make one comment about necks and hugging, I swear."

"Yes, well, we don't have all day," one of the professors interjected. "If you would, please, Miss Sparkle."

"R-right," Twilight stammered, nervous. Cadance made a slow-breathing gesture next to me, motivating Twily to take it easy and gather her thoughts without letting her panic get the better of her. The filly took a deep breath and faced the dragon egg, uncertain. "I'm supposed to hatch it, correct?"

"Yes, that is why you are here. You want to attend this school, do you not?" the same professor remarked, brow raised expectantly.

"I-I do, sir, uh... Professor," Twilight responded, blushing uncomfortably. "I have just one question."

The professor frowned, impatient. "Ask away."

Twily looked at the profs with a deadpan expression. "Is that egg even fertilized?"

"You will find out if you try hatching it, young filly," Mister Grouchy Potato told her as he scowled. The stupid ass could have been kinder, seriously.

"Would Starswirl the Bearded's accelerated growth spell work on it?" Twilight asked, ears splaying back nervously. "I read that dragon eggs are highly magic resistant; it would take—"

Twilight didn't get to finish that sentence as all Hell suddenly broke loose, a loud explosion rattling our bones as everypony's hair tingled with potent magic. Thankfully, I had enough control over my magic to not surge in response to the overload being forced on me. The same couldn't be said about Twilight, though.

Nerves, coupled with stress and being unused to such a high amount of magic in her tiny body, caused Twilight to vent the excess the only way she knew how at the unexpected scare: through her horn.

"Ahh!" she cried out, and I gasped in terror as the tiny, little bookhorse exploded in a feedback loop of trying to vent and unwillingly taking in even more, unable to block the flow of magical energies passing through her body.

"Shit! Hang on, Twilight!" I called out to her, already on my way to aid her in her time of need. I could care less about getting hurt myself, but that filly needed help yesterday. Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed that the professors and her parents didn't fare quite so well against the onslaught of random spells she flung around like it was nothing, barely wasting a second of thought on what her frantic mind came up with to waste the excess in the fastest way possible.

Twilight's parents ended up being turned into potted house plants before I reached her, and... the egg suddenly decided to not be an egg anymore, quickly growing into a giant big-ass baby dragon.

I blanched in fear as it shot through the roof with its head while I... I was not ashamed to say I didn't make it, as the small, purple pony transformed me into an actual bat.

Now, Bat-Me still fluttered around in a frantic panic. Part of that was due to confusion, disorientation, and simply not having the cognitive brain power to know what the Hell was going on. It was already over before I knew it, and I was back to normal, blinking in a stunned stupor. What the actual fuck just happened?

"Princess!" Twilight exclaimed while practically jumping at me, slamming into me with all her considerable cute weight, bowling me over.

"Oof!" I groaned before hugging her with a relieved sigh, elated that she was okay. "Never do that again, you little troublemaker."

"I'm sorry for turning you into a bat, Princess," Twilight apologized, causing me to chuckle while Cadance came over to us to check on me. I noticed that the big-ass dragon wasn't big anymore, and Aunt Celestia stood next to us with a gentle smile.

"It's okay, I—" I began, only to clutch my head in pain due to the headache running rampant in my—I blinked in confusion, suddenly feeling afraid. I wasn't holding Twilight anymore while I stood somewhere where I didn't just a moment ago. What the fuck? I... this wasn't right, I was just on my back, so how..?

"Princess?" Twilight asked me hesitantly, coming over to me. I jumped slightly. What was going on..? "Is everything okay? I really didn't mean to, I swear!"

"I... I know," I whispered, patting her head while desperately trying to remember how we got separated in the first place and why I was standing here like Twilight never tackled me. I couldn't even feel the remnants of the impression Twilight's body had on mine from the impact anymore. My eyes wandered over to Aunt Celestia, and I gulped, my muzzle pale in fright. "A-Aunty? Something just happened, and I can't remember what."

"I... don't know, either," Cadance mumbled, afraid.

Our aunt frowned, nudging my head this way and that, watching my eyes intently. "This is... troubling," she muttered, motioning for Cadance to approach her next. She repeated the same process, studying Cady's eyes while scanning her with her golden horn magic. "Very troubling, I fear."

"Why? What's wrong, Princess? Was it something I did?" Twilight asked, tears in her eyes at the thought of disappointing her—Ow! Fuck, I... I shook my head, rubbing my temples. It was like my synapses just fried themselves trying to access something that wasn't there.

"It appears there are several hours' worth of missing memories in our lives," Aunt Celestia mentioned, a puzzled expression on her face. "And not just that. For some reason, I was the one that erased them."

I gaped up at her. "Wait, what? Seriously? Why?!"

Aunt Jellycelly nodded, a remorseful gaze in her magenta orbs. "I'm afraid so, my dear niece," she said, apologetically stroking the side of my head. "I must have been more thorough with you and Cadance to ensure the memories couldn't resurface. Whatever happened, I must have been certain we couldn't be allowed to remember."

Cadance sputtered in disbelief. "So you just took our memories?!" my best friend asked in a betrayed tone. "What could warrant such a thing?!"

"The only thing nopony could possibly be allowed to know: our own futures," Aunt Sunnyjam answered in a grave tone. I bit my lip, knowing she had a point, but I could tell Cadance didn't quite believe her. "Normally, I would just seal them until the event in question has passed, but you two are special. Even if I only sealed them for you, there would be no guarantee that you wouldn't accidentally uncover them. I know this is hard to swallow, but you know I wouldn't do this without your permission. Your trust is more important to me than anything else, believe me. I hope you can still say the same about me."

Cadance sighed in aggravation. "You know, I get where Sunset is coming from: you have a funny way of saying, 'I love you, please don't hate me because I made a mistake.'"

Aunt Jellocello smiled humorlessly. "I do, don't I?" she lamented, a deep hurt in her eyes. I wondered what that was about. Maybe it was connected to why her door reeked of self-loathing in the Dream Realm? I was unsure whether or not it was a wise idea to go poking around in that centuries-old hurt, to be honest. It seemed to me like she was having a hard enough time with it already; doing that would be like adding salt to the wound by dredging up all kinds of bad memories.

"For what it is worth, I don't hold it against you, Aunty," I said, trying to smile in an understanding way, although I only managed to appear sad in the end.

"Thank you, dear," she said, humming in appreciation. She didn't look much better, though, regretting the choice she had forgotten she was forced to make. If she really wouldn't do this without our permission, we must have agreed to it out of our own free will. I couldn't imagine what it must have been like for her, not wanting to but needing to make the choice. Whatever happened must have been significant enough that we couldn't risk changing it by knowing about it.

We turned to see Cadance fidget awkwardly before hugging the big sun goose swan horse. "Fine. I forgive you, too, even though I think you could have left us with a bit of a warning that we would lose a chunk of our memories, you know."

"I probably did," Aunty reminded her, kissing her temple before letting go of her, smiling ruefully. "I'm not that precise when it comes to mind magic; I don't make it a habit to mess with ponies' memories. It doesn't happen often that I come across future knowledge of myself and those around me. Even less so for something that could be considered dangerous knowledge." It sounded like there was a story there, but I doubted she would be willing to tell it. Still, if it ever happened again...

"Maybe let us write something down the next time it happens to explain the situation?" I proposed with a shrug.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Aunty Tia said, shaking her head in contrition. Then she turned to face Twilight with a genuine, if subdued, smile on her muzzle. "Now, as for you, my little pony," she said. "As my personal protégé, I expect you to take your studies seriously. I will oversee your progress and guide you wherever necessary, and when I tell you to study a certain subject—or wait—I want you to respect that decision. Is that understood?"

"I'll do my best, Princess!" Twilight nodded with excited enthusiasm. It was then that I noticed a change in Twily's appearance with a modicum of surprise: she had gained her cutie mark.

"Oh. My. Gosh, Twilight," I said in a faux startled voice, holding a hoof in front of my muzzle in shock. "Don't be alarmed now, but there's something right there behind you. No! No! Don't turn around now!"

"What? What is it?!" she asked me, afraid.

I smirked mischievously. "It's your cutie mark. You know what that means, right?"

"Oh..." the little bookhorse slumped in relief, not at all surprised by the presence of the six-pointed star and the smaller ones around it. "Did you already forget I got it? Oh, wait, you did."

I pouted, holding a hoof to my heart. "Ow! You wound me, Sparklebutt."

She deadpanned back at me, "No, I didn't."

I chuckled. "Don't change, Twilight. Don't change," I said, patting her head, much to the amusement of everypony else. "Prepare for an epic butt mark party, Purple Smart. You've earned it."

"It's not a butt mark!" Twily blushed, causing me to stick my tongue out at her in a teasing way.

"Yeah, Ish," Cadance joined in, clopping her hoof against Twilight's in a mutual agreement to team up against me. "Don't say such rude things, or I'll tell her how you got your 'butt mark.'"

"Don't you f—fluffing dare, Cady!"

Aunt Celestia tittered at the interaction between us before gently nudging the filly away from us. "I think that is enough excitement for one day, don't you think?" she remarked. "Come, my little pony. There are still a few things we need to settle with your parents. Among them, the question of where to put the baby dragon you hatched."

I blinked, turning my head to the spot where the big-ass dragon was, reminded that it was small and tiny again and very much alive and in need of parents (and fire-proof diapers, for that matter). Oh, fuck. My job as a foalsitter just got a lot more complicated, didn't it? Great. Just perfect.

Was it too late to tell Mrs. Velvet she should ask Cadance instead? Yes? Oof.

And that was how I got roped into helping deal with the sudden sibling Twilight carelessly brought into the world. Mrs. Velvet and Mr. Night Light were more than happy to take in the fire-breathing lizard. Shining let me know what he thought of having a little, wailing baby brother: tired glares and falling asleep in class from a lack of sleep.

I took pity on the guy and started giving him pleasant dreams as compensation whenever possible (not the wet and sexy kind; I was not that nice). He dealt with it admirably well, though. Having an additional sibling to protect and be a role model for, he took his training to become a royal guard a lot more seriously and put on some noticeable muscles that were... mildly distracting.

I really was cursed with the worst kind of luck. On one hoof, my body craved the touch of a stallion rutting me senseless. On the other hoof, my heart pined after the only mare that didn't reciprocate the same feelings I held for her. And Shining's scent, fuck my life, why did he have to smell like pure, unadulterated, primal power?! How was that remotely fair?! God fucking damnit. I was simultaneously aroused and near ready to barf whenever the dumb nerd jock refused to shower after his latest workout session because he was too prideful about his 'manliness.'

Aside from my struggles of not thinking sexy thoughts about a particular stallion, the day Sunset found out about Twilight also being Aunty's personal student was decidedly not fun. Sunset basically started throwing stuff at her mother, accusing her of replacing her and whatnot, to which Aunty Jellycelly responded by sending her up to her room to stew in her anger with no pancakes for a whole month (the worst punishment imaginable). She also revoked her access to the restricted section of the library and banned her from working in the lab (or rather, the mirror that stood there).

It was the usual drama in and around the castle. Cady and I spent most of our free time outside of the toxic atmosphere permeating our home, either at school or with our friends. Whenever we could get away with it, we snuck out at night to hang out with Long Play and his friends, partying our worries away with plenty of alcohol and dancing involved.

Before long, the school year started to near its end, and with it came the end-of-year exams. Not only that but there was also the anticipation for the Fall Formal Gala held for our graduation group. Which meant colts asking Cadance and me out for the dance.

To be fair, I didn't think anyone would ask me out, but being a princess and all that, I got my fair share of awkward young adults wanting to try their luck... after getting rejected by Cadance beforehoof, of course. To my surprise, neither Shining Armor nor Eight Bit were among that group (or the other two guys).

It was honestly weird getting snubbed by a bunch of nerds I genuinely saw as my friends. That wasn't the height of the strangeness, though. No, for some reason, the guys were plotting something behind my back that I wasn't privy to because I was a girl. While they did their super secret guys-only thing, I had to keep Twilight and Spike out of trouble (the little baby dragon Mrs. Velvet and Mr. Night Light adopted—three guesses as to who gave the lizard the name; the first two didn't count, and no, it wasn't me).

I swear, taking care of an infant wasn't supposed to be this difficult, but the fire-breathing and chewing through rocks made it one Hell of a task keeping him from destroying the whole house. Thankfully, the little guy didn't possess any wings, so keeping him contained was relatively easy. I was so damn glad gemstones were so easy to get here in Equestria, or the black hole inside that googly-eyed monster would have already bankrupted Mr. Night Light and Mrs. Velvet, I swear.

Nothing against you, Spike, but no amount of chubby cuteness can redeem the smell of your burps, and I was used to fire and brimstone down in the snake pit called Hell. Big fucking yikes.

Anyway, Cadance got bullied into going with Buck Withers to the Fall Formal Gala because the idiot lacked the brain cells to understand what the word 'No' meant. He also got a massive death wish if you asked me. I was mildly impressed he could withstand the full brunt of my demonic death glare, though.

Things took a turn to the hilarious and kind of impressive during the home field polo championships game pep rally Cadance dragged me to because she couldn't stand being alone with the dumb jock. I was such a nice friend, wasn't I?

Most of the floats during the parade were the typical standard fare for high school students; the float Shining Armor and the rest of the guys entered with was on a wholly different level. They built a medieval castle on top of their cart, decorated the whole thing with Shining's accomplishments as a level twelve paladin (as well as putting an actual knight in shining armor on top of the castle), wrote 'Shining for king' on the front while squeezing the 'G' in a bit further down because they ran out of space, and bragged about him not having any absences during his whole junior year (what an accomplishment, wow). Oh, and the damn thing was a pyromaniac's wet dream as it spewed forth fire from the two towers in the back.

More ridiculous than that, though, was their getup. Eight Bit wore... something, alright. He looked like a toy ninja, playing the drums, while Gaffer seemed to have been inspired by one of those old iron man muscle artists in circuses, rocking the xylophone like a mad pony. Poindexter was the crazy hippie gangster rapper disk jockey nerd, and Shining... wore a pirate slash admiral's coat with war paint smeared over his muzzle, standing over the defeated dragon with his keytar.

The song they performed was a parody of that one band the guys liked to listen to so much—Boingo something, something—just with the lyrics replaced to confess his romantic feelings for 'pretty pink mares.'

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I growled while Cady's jaw dropped.

"Wait, he's into me?!" she exclaimed, shocked. No shit, Sherlock! What did you think I was glaring at him for all the damn time, huh?

"Hah! What a loser! Nerd!" Buck Withers commented smartly, starting to 'Boo!' at the poor guys. His buddy quickly followed suit, and soon enough, the whole crowd on the bleachers was doing it. My heart dropped at the nightmare playing out before me, reminding me too much of my time growing up the first time.

That got me even more angry than Shining Armor finally starting to man up. The guys were under my protection; no one got to bully them aside from myself!

I leaped into the air and crashed down hard on the playing field, seething in fury and rage at the injustice before me. "Enough!" I bellowed, amplifying my voice with a nifty spell Aunty Tia taught us. I extended my wings threateningly, standing protectively in front of my friends. "Have I not been clear enough about offending me and mine?! Is this truly how you want to behave yourselves as adults?! Are you ponies really that rotten to belittle those you view beneath yourselves?" I sneered at the wilting masses, glaring straight at Buck Withers and the other polo players. I didn't hide the fact my eyes glowed a fiendish red, though I suppressed the demonic growl. "That stallion standing there with an ego too big for his tiny sausage of a dick doesn't deserve your admiration! Don't give him the attention he craves to validate his pitiful existence!

"These four colts right here——Nay, these stallions have more heart and strength than anypony else I see before me right now. They might not be considered 'cool,' but they more than make up for it with personality and courage! Yes, they are nerds, but their future isn't clouded in misery and hatred that you so easily get tempted into by peer pressure!

"I command thee to stop this now as your princess! This is not how we ponies act! We are supposed to be kind and generous! Loyal and honest! We should laugh together, not make fun of those who cannot defend themselves! Because if you can't accept that light of friendship, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Darkness looms down the road you so carelessly travel on. Don't let it influence you. Make a turn. Life is so much more worthwhile than wasting it on school drama."

Silence permeated the air for a moment before it was broken by the sound of clopping hooves. Cadance cheered for me, and I blushed as the other students followed her example.

"You rock, Pleasure!" Long Play shouted from the crowd, a little filly on his back that must have been his sister also cheering loudly.

"Pleasure, Pleasure, Pleasure!" the audience began to chant, causing me to rub my neck awkwardly. Fucking Hell, that was a lot of admiration; my body practically burned with arousal. I bit back a moan, resisting the urge to molest myself right then and there with so many eyes on me. There were foals in that crowd, for fuck's sake!

...my tail stood up ramrod straight, anyway. Ngh, damnit. M-maybe just a little..?

"Hey, uh..." Shining mumbled as he jumped down from the float, popping my naughty fantasies instantly. "Thanks for, uh... sticking up for us."

"No problem," I mentioned, still feeling the adrenaline coursing through my body. Way to be turned off, seriously. "It was nothing. Somepony had to say it."

"Sorry about how we treated you recently by leaving you out," he apologized. Not like I cared. "I didn't want to make you jealous..."

I snorted. "You planned this behind my back, didn't you?" I asked him rhetorically, not expecting an answer. He nodded, anyway. At least he had the presence of mind to appear ashamed for it. Not that that managed to appease me in the slightest. What a fucking asshole. So much for being my friends. "You're still in trouble, buster."

"I'm sorry, but..." Shining Armor said, grimacing. "Eight Bit really wants to go to the ball with you, and you keep being standoffish about it, so I thought if not now, I'd never get the chance to ask either of you out and, well..."—he rubbed his neck awkwardly, struggling for words—" Cadance doesn't appear nearly as intimidating as I feared she would."

So... that was how it was going to be, huh? Fine. "Shining..?"

"Y-yes?"

"If you break her heart, I'm going to break your everything."

"...o-oh, uh, o-okay," he gulped, sweating nervously. "D-does that mean..?"

I grumbled seethingly to myself. "Do whatever." Then, barely audible to even myself, I muttered, "She doesn't want to date me, anyway."

"A-are you going to the ball with Eight Bit, then?" he asked me curiously, and I could tell the pony in question was listening from his position on the float.

"No."

And that was the story of how I gave up. I cried myself to sleep that night. And every night following that one.

My heart broke that day.

Author's Note

SHINING, YOU FOOL.