“...So basically, what you’re telling me is: after saving each other from various mishaps, monsters and magical mayhem in a l-o-n-g trek across the cold, dark forest, me and these other ponies discover those six so-called ‘Elements Of Harmony’ in the ruins of an ancient castle and then… what was I supposed to do next? I forgot. Can’t we skip to the abridged version, or something?”

Deep sigh “Big Brother, I told you the story four times already in shorter and shorter versions, and you still can’t remember the most important part about defeating Nightmare Moon. It makes me wish you'd brought your diary with you, because then you’d at least be able to write it all in there and I wouldn’t have to keep repeating myself.”

“Hey! You’re not getting your clawed mitts on my private journal ever again, Daise; even if the fate of this very universe does hang in the balance. And for your information, you can no longer find it underneath my bed, so if you’re planning on organising a covert op to break in again to see how many gorgeous ladies I’ve had over recently late at night while you’ve been asleep, think again…!”

“We’re already in one Fantasyland Darren, I don’t need to hear about another from you. And, let me think… could you have decided to hide it under your pillow instead?”

Wha… how did she… “Actually, you’re wrong, Miss I-Know-Everything. I’ve stashed it in a location much more ingenious, secure and just damn impossible to reach than that. What d’ya think I am, some kind of dummy?”

“Yes, but that’s beside the point. The only other place I can guess that you just described has to be… your stinky underwear drawer. In which case… yuck. I’m certainly not going in there, but I fear the pages will melt long before you’ve had chance to finish this month. Still, gotta give you credit for thinking of somewhere I’d never get to it, I suppose.”

“...Just what is being implied here? I don’t smell sniff, sniff. A-And even if I did, I’ll have you know hundreds of years ago body odour was much more accepted than it is today. In fact, the stronger the aroma, the more manly the man. So going by that criteria, I must be the manliest man who ever… u-um… manned up!” Yeah, that sounds plausible! Almost believable enough for me to think I’m not shamelessly lying through my teeth. Almost.

“…Yeah. Anyway, lucky for both of us you’re Twilight Sparkle now, who I’m sure showers or bathes at least twice a day even though we don’t see it in the show. It’s improved your personal hygiene by like, tons, and allowed me to properly breathe when I’m around you for a change. It’s actually made being in your company somewhat tolerable.”

“Gee, thanks. This coming from the dragon who’s scaled butt I’ve already saved on numerous occasions. If this is the kind of gracious gratitude I can expect in return for my death-defying antics, maybe in the future I’ll leave you to die in a blazing inferno, drown like a rat in Rarity’s shop or get mushed by an ogre with a microscopic dic…”

“... Please don’t put that horrible image back in my head Big Brother, it’s bad enough whenever you turn your back on me and I have to stare at your… um…”

“My…. what?”

“W-Well, you know.”

“No, I don’t ‘know’ Daisy. Perhaps you’d like to spit it out, or would you allow me to toss you about with magic a bit until I get a clear answer?”

“N-Nah, I’m fine thanks. I’m still recovering from the last ride you gave me in the woods that left me with a very sore, erm, ‘tush’… I don’t think I’ll ever want to go horse-riding again after that. I’ll tell you, okay? But you’d better brace yourself…”

“I’m ‘braced’, alright? Seatbelt strapped, helmet on head, ready for action. Just tell me already.”

“Okay, but don’t forget Darren…you were warned. Let me ask you this: what do girls have that boys don’t?”

“Well, that’s pretty easy. Emotional instability, the inability to shut up, no accountability for anything they do…”

“Thank you for all those ‘abilities’, Big Brother. Your gross sexism is going to make this a lot simpler than it has to be. Just check under there, you’ll see what I mean and then we can carry on. Don’t worry; I’ll be here to catch you when you faint, like the loving sister I am(!). Well, what are you waiting for? Chop chop!”

‘What are you waiting for?’ She says. Well, I dunno… a lightning bolt to strike me down? A stray meteorite to emerge from the clouds to kill me where I stand? My Mum to come and shake me awake with a nice mug of Horlicks to reassure me this is all just a bad dream and I’m leaving for college on the morrow? All of these sound more tempting than what I’m about to do, based on the ‘personal’ area she’s incessantly jabbing her claw at.

I guess hoping for a blank space down there like in the cartoon was too much to wish for. And judging by my luck so far, not very likely. Oh well, I’ve been putting off from ‘exploring’ the region for too long; if I’m going to be stuck as a feminine equine for a while, I may as well acquaint myself with all parts of my new anatomy. Here goes nothing… c’mon, how bad could it be…

“AAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!”

Looks like I just answered my own question. Did I ever mention how I hate my life?

In the end, I didn’t faint… but I came pretty damn close to blind panic and hyperventilation. As well as caterwauling so loud to the heavens I seemed to scare away a giant blue bird hovering just overhead, but right now I couldn’t care less about terrified avian life.

All that optimistic motivational talk in my head beforehoof of it ‘being just another body part’ and ‘this being nothing compared to what you’ve survived already’ that I’d built in advance, almost as a cushion for what I was about to do?

Didn’t work one bit. Zero. Zilch. There was no point in denying it now; I was not just female in appearance and voice… I had a double X all over, inside and out. My ballbag is a thing of the past. I can no longer aim my piss. I can get kicked in that general vicinity and not feel an ounce of pain. It’s the small things you miss, ya know?

I can, on the other hoof, have cute little fillies and colts and even feed them myself thanks to my I’m sure very functionable and practical reproductive and lactative biological system. Whoopee-f*cking-do.

Somehow, the thought of carrying and nurturing new life and having a surplus of oestrogen didn’t quite make up for having nothing down there where once sprung a mighty oak (well, more of a sapling in truth) but hey, what can you do?

Let’s try keeping things in perspective. Compared to being stranded in a saccharine nightmare of epic proportions and transforming into a completely different species where hamburgers, vaping and booze were most definitely off the menu, forfeiting my gender seems almost secondary. And if I could cope with one, then…

“Alright, alright, alright. You’ve had your fun now, Daise. If you roll around on the floor and laugh any more, then you’ll be too tired to travel. And then how we be able to… erm…”

“You’ve forgotten everything I told you already, haven’t you, Darren?” Daisy finally got up off the forest ground where she’d created her own little burrow from the vigorous effect of her hysterics, and eyed me with annoyance whilst brushing the dirt off her belly. “That’s it; I’m going with you when the time arrives to complete the tasks on the way to the Castle Of The Two Sisters. Spike is supposed to stay at home tucked up in bed, but if I relied on you I bet you wouldn’t let Applejack drop you off the cliff, you’d run a mile instead of singing along with the others when the haunted trees appeared, insist that Rainbow Dash join the Shadowbolts…”

“Literally nothing you said there made any sense whatsoever. And what I could sorta understand didn’t sound particularly pleasant. Also, there’s something else you’re forgetting…”

“That’s rich, coming from you. And what might that be, Big Brother?”

“The ponies that are supposed to help us; Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, the posh crybaby one you hate. None of them like us a lot either, do they… on account of all that stuff we did. What makes you think that they’ll give us any assistance, when they seem a lot more intent on imprisoning us in… whatever they call pony jails here?”

“As a baby dragon and therefore much too young to be charged with anything, I’ll be okay. I don’t know about you, though… but try not to worry. Your beloved sister will come and visit you inside whenever you like, and she might even bring you a cake with a file in it if you’re nice to her. Which type would you like? Strawberry? Chocolate? Upside-Down?

“Chocolate, please; as long as Mum’s making it. Strawberries give me awful wind, and how do you expect me to eat a cake upside dow… Daisy Jones!! I know I’m hoping for a miracle here, but can you be sensible for once in your mere nine years of life?! My point is, if none of these ponies apart from maybe Fluttershy aren’t willing to aid us, how are we supposed to ‘save the day’ and have any chance of getting back home again? Because, as good as having magic is, it does not make up for being stuck here in a sick, sick place filled with Love, Friendship and no access to Wi-Fi, the Persona series or illegal feeds to ‘explicit’ overseas channels whatsoever! Please, say something, anything to give me a bit of confidence, because right now all I want to do is bury myself in that little hole you just created forever, then stick that half-twig at the top. That would represent a tombstone, in case you’re wondering.”

“...Dramatic much, Darren? You whine at me more than my teacher Mrs Truncheon, and that isn’t a compliment. Relax, I’ve got it all covered. The threat of the world coming to an end will make the other ponies put aside their differences to lend us a hoof, after all we are the only hope they’ve got. Or failing that…”

“Yes?”

“My backup plan is brilliant too! I mean, Equestria is huge, right? There’s bound to be some parts of it the show hasn’t shown us; one of those places must have a dimensional travelling machine in it, or something. I’m pretty sure it’s possible, r-right? Right.”

“That’s correct, Daise… anything is possible. And I guess we’ll find yet another machine around here that’ll change us back into our old selves before we return. And a billion pounds in spending money to take with us. Or a trillion with interest. And a Dad that actually loves us. And a sibling who actually knows what she’s talking about. And, and…”

“Geez, Big Brother… take a chill pill. At least I’m trying to think of a suggestion; all I’m hearing from you is moaning, groaning and, um…”

“Don’t try and do poetry Daisy, it doesn’t suit you. Far too intellectually advanced. And sorry if I feel a bit down, it’s just that when you’re stuck in an unfamiliar body in the middle of a shapeless forest in a world that shouldn’t even exist with no clear path back to Earth, I think it’s natural to be a wee bit grumpy. It’s not like the answer’s just going to drop out of the sky is it…”

Guess what happened next. Go on, guess.

Yep. You got it. At least this time, the victim of my poorly-chosen wordage wasn’t yours truly, but a certain cheeky little reptilian who most would argue has escaped the welcome coils of karma for way too long.

BANG. “YOWCH!”

In case you need an explanation for those dual effects, the first sound there was caused by a very unconscious and very blue (amongst other colours) four-legged creature landing straight onto my unsuspecting sister from on high.

It wasn’t a bird I’d frightened off earlier, after all. Or even a plane. It was… Super Rainbow Dash!! (Less of the ‘super’ there, please.)

The second sound… was my unsuspecting sister. Makes sense, when you’ve had a half-dead pegasus land directly onto your tiny bonce from hundreds of feet up.

“Gosh Daise, are you okay? If only I hadn’t seen her until the last second, I might have been able to help you move out of the way with my magic…”

The question is though, Reader… would I have? Would I really? After all the trouble she’s caused me of late?

I’ll keep that to myself for now. At this moment, I’m more concerned with prising a dazed mare off my even more confused sister. That’s gonna smart in the morning.

Still, at least the winged arrival landed on the hardest part of Daisy’s body…

…Her head. Ooh, snap! That’s one for the diary.

My Diary. Oh, how I miss my beautiful diary. At least I know where to put it when I get home, though.

There must be room somewhere between all my old boxer shorts, right?

Author's Note

Well, what do you know, Another week, another chapter. Will wonders never cease?

I'd like to say they'll be this regular from now on, or perhaps even quicker... but you know how life is.

Till next time then...