This Ain't Cupcakes XXX

Ponyville: Equestria’s top honeymoon destination! The air was warm, the sun was shining, and everypony was having a glorious day. Busy ponies filled the town square, running from one errand to another. Even tourists like Meteor Gleam and Perihelion had somewhere specific to be. But these two horny perverts had completely forgotten about their appointment. They were too busy screwing in a side alley outside the notorious Ponyville Spa.

“Holy shit, Peri!” Meteor Gleam cried out. “They don’t give couples massages like that in Canterlot!”

“Oh, they do, sweetie.” Perihelion slapped her flank as he plunged ring deep inside her, just the way she liked it. “You just have to know—uhm, no, they definitely don’t!”

“Pull out! We’re going to get caught! Let’s get back to the B&B!”

“What if we do get caught? Instant threeway!”

“I don’t want to share you right now, Peri!” Meteor whined. “It’s our honeymoon!”

Perihelion huffed for breath as he mounted his wife, one of his hooves slipping through some unknown goo that had been smeared across the ground by the alley’s previous visitors. “I do want to share you, Meteor!” he confessed. “I want every stallion in Ponyville to know how lucky I am! Oh, your pussy’s so good, but we can’t let your ass get lonely, and I know how much you love sucking on a juicy dick! My bride deserves to be stuffed airtight, all day and all night!”

When they’d first begun dating, Perihelion had brought Meteor Gleam into the world of pegasus sex, a sensual arena where ponies competed to pleasure each other with skill and finesse. In return, she’d taught him how a unicorn fucks, engaging the mind with sophisticated kinks and teases.

Earth ponies were nothing like the other two tribes. They were purely physical creatures, famous throughout Equestria for raw, filthy sexuality. Sometimes it seemed as if earth ponies did nothing but eat and fuck, making earth pony towns like Ponyville popular tourist attractions. After a night at one of the many quaint B&B establishments, cultured unicorns and proud pegasi were ready to drop their inhibitions and rut like animals.

Sex with Perihelion had always been incredible, but his Ponyville sex was the best ever: the power of his thrusts, the way he wrung his medial ring against her clit over and over. There was no going back to the B&B this time. Peri had staked his claim on Meteor’s pussy and he wasn’t stopping until he creamed her. The relentless teasing of those two earth pony masseuses had made him into a beast.

“Oh, Peri!” Meteor cried out. “I saw those sluts at the spa working your wings and I felt so jealous! I just wanted to zap them with magic!”

“No, babe, I loved watching them with you! So slippery and oily! When you all started winking at the same time, I almost lost my load right there! Fuck! I’m cumming! I’m cumming in my wife!”

“Cum in me, Peri!” Meteor reached out with her magic and tickled her clit to a simultaneous orgasm as she felt her husband gush long and deep inside her. She lost herself for a moment in wedded bliss, and as the coupling ponies slowly came back to reality they found they were being watched by a mysterious figure who stood in the shadows where the alley met the street.

“Hi!” Perihelion waved politely, squeezing a final blob of warm pegasus cum into his wife.

“Howdy, lovebirds!” came a charming country voice. “When y’all are tired o’ jumpin’ each other in a disgustin’ alleyway like a skanky blue ex o’ mine whose name I won’t mention, come on down to Sweet Apple Acres for a taste o’ Olde Ponyville! Lots o’ wholesome couples activities. Rooms by the hour!” The mysterious figure tipped her distinctive hat, turned and vanished into the crowd.

“W-was that Applejack?” Meteor Gleam asked her husband. “The Applejack?”

“It totally was! Didn’t you see her huge plot? I mean, her cutie mark? On her huge plot?”

Meteor Gleam playfully punched her husband. “Why were you looking at another mare’s plot?”

“I couldn’t look anywhere else! That thing filled the whole damn alley!” Perihelion dismounted his wife and slurped his dick out of her messy cunt. “Anyways, what if I want to look? We gave each other a free pass, remember? Elements, Wonderbolts, and royals?”

“As if you’re going to get with an Element anywhere but your dreams.” Meteor Gleam turned and started cleaning her husband’s cock with her tongue. The taste was nearly as thrilling as the sex that had mixed their juices.

“It could happen! I got a blowjob from Princess Celestia!” A vein throbbed against Meteor’s lips at the memory.

“Yeah, because I saved you from that evil doctor’s sex machine.” [As seen in Rainbow Factory But Horny, true believers! — Pillowfight]

“And I gave Soarin a blowjob!”

“It was Fan Oral Day! The whole stadium blew him! How did he even survive that?” Perihelion’s softened dick began to sheath and Meteor gave the sensitive flare a kiss just to make the trip more difficult. “If you think the Applejack is going to spy your dumb ass and say ‘Boy howdy, I want some o’ that lean pegasus meat,’ your ego must be bigger than your dick. Ooh, maybe you’ll pull a muscle trying to satisfy me, and then Fluttershy will give you a pity fuck!”

Perihelion blushed at his wife’s teasing. “H-hey, weren’t we going to hang out with one of the Elements? Sometime today?” Husband and wife suddenly looked at each other with panicked expressions.

“Oh, shit!” Meteor shouted.

“Baking lesson!”

“With Pinkie Pie!”

“At three o’clock!”

“What time is it now?”

“3:10!”

“Where’s the map? Where’s Sugarcube Corner?”

“It’s the big building downtown made out of candy!”

At 3:17, Meteor Gleam and Perihelion dashed through the door into Sugarcube Corner, covered with sweat and with Peri’s cum noticeably leaking out beneath Meteor’s tail. They ran past displays of cakes and skidded to a stop at the counter in front of Pinkie Pie, who was playing a cheerful tune on the cash register.

“Whoa, chill out, guys!” Pinkie told them. “We’ve still got plenty of Mr. Cake’s famous licorice bars!” She looked down through the glass case beneath the counter, at an empty space between the pastries. “Woops, nope, I kinda snacked ’em all. How about a marshmallow croissant instead? Or a frangipane macaroon? Or—”

“We’re actually here for the private baking lesson,” panted Meteor Gleam. “Sorry, we’re a little late.”

“Nooo problem! Meteor Gleam and Perihelion, right?” Pinkie sniffed the air. “What, were you having sex or something?”

“Yeah, we were, actually...”

Pinkie Pie frowned. “Oh, I guess baking just isn’t that important to you! You’d rather nut your little fuckbuddy full of stallion sauce than enjoy a yummy cupcake fresh out of the oven!”

“It’s not like that at all, we’ve really been looking forward to this!” Meteor Gleam assured her.

“Aw, I’m just kidding~!” Pinkie Pie’s laughter rang out, loud and musical. “I used to be the same way, til the Cakes taught me how to boink while I bake! Now, let’s get started!” Pinkie Pie dropped a thick pile of paper onto the counter in front of her customers. “First things first! Ya gotta share, ya gotta care, ya gotta sign this consent form and liability waiver!”

Meteor Gleam read through the seemingly book sized disclaimer. “Wow, there’s a lot here... changeling attack, chaos god, magical loss or alteration of cutie mark...”

“Oh, that’s just standard Ponyville stuff!” Pinkie Pie laughed. “We use this form for all classes and events at, or beneath, Sugarcube Corner!”

“I guess it’s OK, then.” Meteor Gleam fired up her magic and signed the last page of the form. “If you can’t trust the Element of Laughter, who can you trust?”

“That’s the spirit!” Pinkie Pie cheered. “It’s all about trust, and friendship!”

“Yeah, trust, friendship... I think I remember a song about that.” Perihelion picked up a pen in one wing and wrote his signature next to Meteor’s.

“Okey-dokey-lokey!” Pinkie Pie snatched away the form and slid two large cupcakes onto the counter in front of them. “Here’s your cupcakes!”

Meteor and Peri glanced at each other. “But we were going to bake the cupcakes together,” Peri offered plaintively.

“Yeah, but you were late! I already made ’em!”

Peri inched his hoof towards the tempting treat. “So we’ll make more later?”

Pinkie shrugged. “Eh, we’ll think of something fun! Dig in!”

Meteor Gleam lifted her cupcake in her magic and admired its perfect shape and texture. Pinkie Pie was every bit as silly and random as the newspapers said, but Meteor wasn’t about to pass up the signature dish of Equestria’s most famous baker. The perfect frosting swirl glistened a sickly green... maybe it was a spooky Nightmare Night recipe?

Meteor moved the cupcake to her lips and was about to take a bite when she heard a loud snore. She looked to her side. Peri was sprawled across the counter, sound asleep, his muzzle buried in his half-eaten cupcake. Meteor smiled and patted him on the back. After a wedding night of unending pleasure, she’d finally tired out her stud.

“Looks like it’ll just be you and me for the baking lesson, Pinkie.”

Pinkie Pie nodded wildly and silently, a huge smile upon her face. Her eyes were fixed on the second cupcake as Meteor slowly bit in. The taste was strangely sour, but not bad. She chewed once. She chewed twice.

Meteor Gleam fell forward onto the counter next to her husband, crumbs erupting from her mouth. As everything went dark around her, the last thing she heard was Pinkie Pie saying “Hey, are you gonna finish that?”