This Ain't Cupcakes XXX

Meteor Gleam and Perihelion cried out for Rainbow Dash’s help until Pinkie Pie silenced them with hooves over their gagged mouths. “Sssh!” she growled menacingly. “Let’s make this a surprise party!”

Pinkie quickly tossed her sheet over her bound victims. The corner of the sheet draped over Meteor Gleam’s muzzle, giving her one eye free to see the baker looming over her, her strapon still pounding deep into Meteor’s squelching, winking, traitorous cunt.

What was left of Meteor’s brain was slowly forming a plan. Pinkie’d already made her cum, so many times. By now she surely knew how noisy the unicorn could be. Pinkie couldn’t be angry if Meteor ‘accidentally’ got Rainbow Dash’s attention with a well-timed orgasm... or could she?

She had to risk it. This was their only hope. Meteor Gleam had to cum loud and wet on Pinkie’s fake dick. For her husband’s safety, of course!

The sounds of pegasus wingbeats grew louder. “Pinkie, are you masturbating?” came Rainbow Dash’s voice.

“Not technically! Want a cupcake?” Pinkie held up the evil confection and gave a sinister leer. “I made it specially for you!”

“Oh, no thanks.” Meteor heard Rainbow Dash give an awkward laugh. “Too many carbs lately.”

Pinkie narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “What does that mean, ‘too many carbs?’”

“Pinkie, I don’t want to play ‘cupcake roofie’ with you today! I need your help.”

Pinkie threw the cupcake behind her back, where it somehow landed with a loud crash. “You came to the right Pinkie Pie! I love helping my friends!”

“See, I’ve worn out the many groupies who are constantly after my smokin’ hot bod, and I need a little extra relief.”

Pinkie frowned and stopped fucking Meteor, leaving her right on the edge of a noisy, attention getting orgasm. “Hoo boy. Applejack dumped you again, didn’t she?”

“No! No, no, no! She just said she needed some space!”

“Uh-huh, just like last time. She broke up with you, and you got drunk, and angry-cried, and passed out in a cloud, and slept all day!”

“Keep it down! Geeze!” Meteor Gleam saw Rainbow Dash’s muzzle above her as the rainbow maned pegasus scanned for eavesdroppers, somehow missing the well fucked mare whimpering under a sheet right beneath her.

“I have a reputation!” Rainbow Dash whispered. “Everypony thinks I’m the toughest one around. I can’t let them know I’m a huge softy who secretly loves Applejack!” Meteor Gleam excitedly exchanged glances with her husband beneath the sheet. Their ship was real!

“Yeah, it’s a real big secret!” Pinkie Pie said, sarcastically. “Now you’ve sobered up, and you want some love from easy peasy Pinkie to take your mind off your ex.” The earth pony sniffled. “I know I‘m nopony’s first choice, but would it kill ya to take me to dinner first?”

“That’s not what this is about, Pinkie. Pussy done me wrong! I need to forget all about those steamy creamy boxes of heartbreak!”

Pinkie coyly put a hoof to her chin. “Do you know what I do when I need to forget? One little cupcake roofie, and all my troubles slip away!”

“I’m talking about dick! I need to fill this void with the one thing Applejack can’t give me! And everypony knows you’ve got the best selection in town.”

“I sure do!”

“So can I borrow your ‘Big Mac?’ Maybe with him inside me I can feel close to her again... just for one more night...”

Pinkie scowled, detached her big strapon and shifted her hips away from Meteor Gleam, leaving the massive slab embedded inside her. The pink earth pony pretended to look around her dungeon. “Ooh, sorry! Can’t see a single inch of Big Mac right now! Somepony else must be using him!”

“Probably Mrs. Cake. What a size queen. Ooh! How about the ‘Mr. Cake?’ Maybe it’s time I worked out my daddy issues.”

The cupcake gag stifled Meteor Gleam’s yelp as a long, thin dildo was abruptly crammed up her butthole, which had fortunately been thoroughly lubed and prepped during the couples massage. “Oh, darn!” Pinkie grunted angrily. “Can’t see that one anywhere either!”

“Wow, a real busy day down here. Gimme the Doctor Whooves, I guess. The one with the sonic vibe attachment?”

Peri made a strangled noise and his slowly wilting dick abruptly re-erected, forming a prominent bulge in the sheet. “Aww, sorry, a stallion just took that one!”

“Whoa, a stallion going for the Doctor? That’s ambitious!”

“Nah, he can take it! He’s bigger on the inside!” Perihelion moaned in pleasure, and Meteor Gleam silently thanked Celestia for her husband’s deep love of pegging.

“You don’t have the ‘Shining Armour’ in stock, do you?” queried Rainbow Dash.

Meteor Gleam was out of holes. She bit down on her cupcake gag, but luckily nothing more was shoved inside her. “Good one, Dashie,” Pinkie Pie laughed. “You know Twilight has that bad boy on lock. I haven’t even seen ‘Shiny’ for weeks!”

“Damn it! Just give me the biggest one you have left.”

“Great news! I have a very large stallion schlong I’ve been saving just for you.”

Rainbow Dash sighed. “It’s Zephyr, isn’t it?”

“Aww, I wouldn’t do that to ya! Except as a prank. And I love pranks! Wow, that is an awesome prank. I should’ve thought of that. Anyways, here you go — the real thing!” Pinkie yanked the sheet onto the floor, exposing the squirming, gagged couple she’d been toying with the whole time.

“Whoa, nice!” Rainbow Dash chortled. “A little BMSD.”

“Um, Dash, it’s called BDSM,” Pinkie Pie maresplained. “It stands for Big Dicks in Sexy Mares!”

“Whatever. Hey there, Gilda.” Rainbow Dash plucked the silicone cloaca from Perihelion’s straining erection and set it down on Pinkie’s prop table. “Mmm, not bad.” The svelte mare poked and licked at Peri’s teased, leaking cock. “I haven’t seen these two around town. Friends of yours?”

“Just a happy couple here on their honeymoon, enjoying some educational fun with Kinky Pinkie!”

Rainbow Dash smiled wide. “Ooh, and let me guess. They gave each other a free pass for us Elements?”

“I definitely think I heard them mention that!” Pinkie Pie assured her friend. She snuggled her thighs up against Meteor’s and once again tied the straps of the buried dildo around her wide hips.

“Don’t mind if I do, then!” Rainbow Dash condescendingly patted Meteor Gleam on the cheek. “Thanks, sweetheart, I’ll take good care of him.” With a flap of her wings, the pegasus hovered atop Perihelion’s flare and began to rub her vulva back and forth against him, slowly working him inside.

Perihelion blushed and squirmed even more vigorously than when Pinkie had used the toy cloaca on him, panting heavily behind his gag. Rainbow Dash grunted as Peri finally slipped inside, his flare filling her instantly.

“Aww, yeah,” the petite pegasus moaned. “This makes all that boring Element stuff worth it. All the married dick I want, and I don’t have to fly out the window anymore when wifey comes home!”

Pinkie Pie giggled and resumed churning Meteor Gleam’s cunt with her expert dildo work. Perihelion made a sound that was too muffled to make out, but Meteor Gleam had heard “I love you, Meteor!” a million times before. He said it again, looking desperately at his wife, as if trying to convince himself of something that wasn’t true anymore.

Tears came to Meteor Gleam’s eyes as she watched the love of her life slipping away into an unbeatably tight pegasus pussy. Why had they agreed on that free pass? She’d assumed the opportunity would never come up, but of course it had, twice, the day after their wedding! There wasn’t a stallion or mare alive who wouldn’t want her loving, handsome, sexually gifted husband. Why would the Elements of Harmony be any different?

Despite all her bragging, Rainbow Dash quickly proved herself a lightweight. The tomboy pegasus hovered herself down Perihelion’s shaft with quivering thighs, and she cried out and gushed orgasmic juices down his length before she’d even gotten to what Meteor thought of as the good part. “Damn, Pinkie!” she gasped. “This is some awesome dong. We need to keep this guy around!”

Meteor Gleam felt her heart sink. If she was lucky, Rainbow Dash might allow her to serve as Perihelion’s cock cleaner. She would lick those juices off her husband between rounds of ecstatic pegasus sex. She would never feel real dick again, only Pinkie Pie’s silicone souvenirs.

All of this felt inevitable and horribly right. Peri was too special for an ordinary mare like her. He deserved to be the pampered toy of heroes and princesses. Meteor Gleam should just accept her place as the servant who’d brought Equestria’s most wonderful stallion to the Elements’ attention.

No! Why is this turning me on? If Meteor came while thinking these thoughts, there would be no going back. That long denied orgasm was coming. Pinkie’s hips were a blur, her chubby thighs slapping against Meteor’s taut butt cheeks. Meteor felt like she was tied to a train track with the Friendship Express bearing down on her. Tears flowed as she looked up at Pinkie Pie and silently begged for mercy. The cute, bouncy baker who’d saved Equestria countless times — why was she being so cruel now?

“Pinkie! Stop it! Stop! Right now!” For a moment Meteor had thought she’d managed to spit out the gag, but that wasn’t her voice. Rainbow Dash had somehow said what was going through her own mind.

“Oh no! What’s wrong?” Pinkie Pie quit thrusting into Meteor and glanced around in a panic. “Is Sugarcube Corner on fire? Did I forget somepony’s birthday? Is it Discord’s birthday? I told him to quit changing it!”

“No, it’s not that!” yelled Rainbow Dash. Meteor moaned pathetically around her gag as she was denied again. That horrible orgasm receded, leaving only the soreness and tension of her bondage.

“Then, what the heck is it that’s more important than a fun party with our sexy new friends?”

“I hate to be lame, but these two might not be totally into this! This guy’s barely life-threateningly stiff, and he’s inside me! And she’s... crying? We’re — we’re cool, right? They have a safe word and everything?”

“Yeah, duh! The safe word’s on page 14 of the liability waiver! They both signed it, everything’s on file, totally consensual! And I gagged ’em, just to be sure they’d never need to use it!”

Rainbow Dash facehoofed. She flapped her wings and flew off of Peri, leaving him dripping with mare sauce. “Making somepony sign a form before the scene even starts isn’t real consent,” she told Pinkie. “You’re just covering your ass!”

“Hey now, Dashie, nothing’s gonna cover this ass! Have you seen this thing?”

“I’m serious, Pinkie! Do you know why Applejack was such an awesome domme?” Rainbow Dash let out a sob and wiped her eyes. “It’s cause she kept checking in to make sure I could handle it. You’ve got to maintain consent! Otherwise somepony might get hurt. You don’t want to hurt your customers, do you?”

“Maybe I do!” Pinkie pouted. “Maybe Nice Friendly Pinkie is a little too nice and friendly! All these couples come to Ponyville and I have to smile and bake with them while they’re holding hooves and rubbing my snout in their love! Grr, I’m so jealous!”

Pinkie Pie was jealous of her? Of her and Peri? Of what they had? Meteor Gleam felt something brush gently against her barrel. She opened her eyes and saw the tip of her husband’s wing lightly touching her.

Perihelion was wincing in pain. He had twisted his entire body in its tight bondage, nearly dislocating his wing, just so he could reach out to his wife and comfort her with one outstretched feather. The surge of emotion was like a shot of adrenaline right into Meteor’s chest.

At this display of affection Pinkie Pie began flooding out enough tears to fill Ponyville’s town fountain. “Hey, Pinkie, it’s OK.” Rainbow Dash hugged her friend. “I mean, it doesn’t excuse what you did, but I know how you feel.”

“Why them and not me?” the earth pony bawled. “Why can’t I find a stallion who loves me the way he loves her? Is this my whole life? Parties and cupcakes and saving Equestria and hot meaningless sex until I’m a shrivelled old maid like my mom?”

“Your mom has a stallion who loves her,” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “They had four kids!”

“Not the point!”

“You’ll find your special somepony soon, I know it! Probably some stunt casting guest star they can only get for a couple episodes. But that just means more time for naughty fun offscreen, where you don’t have to worry about the rating!”

“Whoa! Dash!” Pinkie pointed at Peri and Meteor. “Not in front of the OCs!”

“O-oops.” Rainbow Dash stammered. “Forget I said anything, guys! Totally normal universe where ponies have free will!” Rainbow Dash turned to Pinkie Pie and touched her cheek with a wingtip. “Here, let me show you how it’s done, ya big pink dweeb.”

Pinkie shyly dragged a hoof across the lube covered floor of her dungeon. “Y-you’re sure Applejack won’t mind?”

“My ex? Who cares about her?” Rainbow Dash stroked Pinkie’s curly mane, making it grow bigger and puffier. “Pinkamena Diane Pie, you beautiful mare, I’m going to top you and you’re going to love it.”

“Yes...” Pinkie Pie whispered.

“Yes, what?”

Pinkie gathered her courage. “Yes, sir.”

“Wow.” Rainbow Dash pursed her lips. “I wasn’t expecting that, but it’s kind of hot. Do you want me to kiss you, Pinkie?” Pinkie nodded frantically, and Rainbow Dash planted a gentle kiss on her lips. The earth pony gave out a little moan and her tail curled itself into the shape of a heart.

“Nice, huh?” Rainbow Dash smirked egotistically. “Now, do you want me to touch your filly parts?”

“P-p-please touch me, Rainbow Dash, sir.”

“There you go.” The confident pegasus patted Pinkie on the head. “Do you see how easy and sexy it is to maintain consent?”

“Yes, sir!” Pinkie squeaked.

“Awesome. Now you know how to domme without scaring the shit out of everypony.” Rainbow Dash stepped over to the shelves on the basement wall and started looking through Pinkie’s collection of dildoes.

“B-b-but! Hey! You were gonna touch my filly parts!”

“Nah, I only asked if you wanted me to.” Rainbow Dash held up a silicone donkey dong and stared down the enormous flare. “Whoa! Who knew Mulia was packing?”

“That’s not fair! I consensed! Now you have to touch me!”

“Damn, and AJ says I’m clingy?” Rainbow Dash set the dildo back on its shelf. “Pinkie, I’ll tell you what. I’ll screw you tonight if you patch things up with these tourists. Nopony wants to have to tell Twilight you went too far, right?”

“Aww, all right, ya teasey pants.” With an exaggerated frown on her face, Pinkie Pie pulled out the couples’ cupcake gags and started unlocking the wooden braces that bound them to their racks.

“I’m really super duper sorry, guys!” she told them. Her silly frown melted into a genuine smile. “You love each other so much and I just wanted to feel a teeny bit of that. Isn’t there anything I can do to make it up to you, for being such a bad pony?” Pinkie presented to the couple and shook her ass, her thick cheeks clapping noisily against each other. “Get it? Anything?”

“Hey, we’ve been seriously traumatized!” Meteor Gleam protested. “You can’t just magically make everything better with sex—”

“I want anal,” Perihelion interrupted her.

Pinkie wrinkled her nose. “OK, but... regular anal, right? Nothing weird?”

“Regular anal.” Perihelion pressed a recently freed hoof deep into Pinkie’s soft rump flesh. “I drop a load up your earth pony butt and we’re good.”

“Okey-dokey-lokey!” Pinkie Pie smiled. “Dash, would ya go upstairs and ask Mrs. Cake for the enema bag?”

Meteor Gleam snorted. “I want the baking lesson we paid for,” she told Pinkie. “And I want you to host a party where you introduce me to all the Elements. I want a Sugarcube Corner honeymoon gift basket delivered to our room. I want a wake-up call every morning with you snuggling under the blankets and eating me out and calling me ‘Mistress.’ And when you make a cast of my husband’s dong, I want a copy. Two copies.”

“Okey-dokey-lokey!”

“Wow, you’re a great negotiator, babe,” Meteor whispered to her husband. “Enjoy your one session of anal.”

Pinkie Pie embraced each of her victims with an outstretched leg. “I really feel like I learned something today,” she assured them. “Something that I won’t forget and have to relearn 2 or 3 times over the next several years!”

“Aww, that’s great!” Rainbow Dash fluttered proudly and puffed up her chest. “Another friendship problem solved by the awesome Rainbow Dash!”

“Yay!” Pinkie Pie opened a small refrigerator and pulled out a bag of colourful syringes. “Time to get out the party drugs!”

“Pinkie, no!”

Meteor Gleam stood in the Golden Oaks Library, swaying to the latest dance hit, gazing proudly at a spiked punchbowl and a huge stack of perfect Sugarcube Corner cupcakes. Actually, she was gazing a little to the right, at a batch of smaller cupcakes that had sloppy sprinkles and lopsided frosting. Those were her cupcakes, sitting on a real Ponyville party table, right next to Pinkie Pie’s! Nopony was choosing her cupcakes over Pinkie’s, but there was something to check off her bucket list.

Meteor felt the comfort of her husband’s sperm deep inside her, locked in place by a high fashion Carousel Boutique plug that glinted and turned heads with every swish of her tail. Their baking lesson had been interrupted by Peri’s rising lust, then Pinkie’s, and finally Meteor’s, but they’d made it through with satisfying orgasms for everypony, and no more heavy bondage misunderstandings.

It seemed Pinkie Pie could magically make things better with sex. They could all laugh about the incident now. In fact, Pinkie never stopped laughing about it. This was super annoying since it was all her fault.

After the baking lesson, Meteor and Peri had gone off on their own for a shopping trip, a romantic candlelight dinner, and more alleyway sex. Call it a mare’s intuition, but the third time Peri cried out with passion and flooded her womb, Meteor felt something very magical and special happen deep inside her. She’d come to Ponyville to make cupcakes, but it seemed as though she’d be leaving with a bun in the oven...

After Meteor and Peri were both spent, they’d reunited with Pinkie for the party in the Golden Oaks Library. Not many guests had shown up, because Pinkie threw a library party almost every night. But Ponyville’s celebrities, the Elements of Harmony, were here as promised.

Fluttershy and Rarity were out on the dance floor, Fluttershy gently wiggling her booty and Rarity vivaciously bouncing her massive rack, which was obviously fake now that Meteor knew to look. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were making out in a corner while Applejack watched them from across the room, slowly crushing a can of cider between angrily trembling hooves. The only Element bearer Meteor still hadn’t met was...

“Whoa! Sexy sporty unicorn!” Princess Twilight Sparkle swooped into the library through an open window and landed next to Meteor, playfully nuzzling against her neck. “Where have you been all my life?”

“Twilight, she’s an OC!” Pinkie shouted. “Don’t get emotionally involved!”

“Who said anything about emotions?” The bookish, yet aggressive alicorn wrapped a wing tightly around Meteor’s barrel. “Are you new in town? Do you have somewhere to stay? I hear there’s a vacancy in between my thighs!”

Perihelion loudly cleared his throat and tried to wedge himself between Meteor and the princess. “My wife and I are just visiting Ponyville, your highness. It’s our honeymoon!”

“Aww, that’s so hot — I mean, sweet!” Twilight Sparkle folded her other wing around Perihelion and hugged them both close. “Hey, and what newlywed couple doesn’t want a princess to bless their union with a spicy one night stand?”

“This couple sure does!” Meteor Gleam agreed enthusiastically. Why did these frightening situations always end with hot alicorn threeways? It was truly a mystery.

“Hrm...” The young princess ran a lustful gaze all over the pegasus stud she was cuddling. “Cute face, nice body,” she whispered to Meteor. “How’s he hung?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe, your highness.”

“Good. Let’s wreck him.”

Twilight Sparkle grasped Meteor Gleam and Perihelion in her powerful magic, and tugged the couple up a flight of stairs towards the royal bedchamber. As she slid past the refreshment table, Meteor reached out with her own magic and grabbed a couple of Pinkie’s cupcakes. After all, she was eating for two now...