The Story of J

A/N: This chapter contains some swearing and a lot more sexual innuendos. Please do enjoy and like because J is watching you reading his journal entries and is very disappointed that there aren't more likes as am I. So do some liking while I eat a muffin.

I couldn’t go to sleep after hearing the news. I stayed up reading up Equestrian history to see if I could figure what type of per- err pony she is. It was no easy task as I read through the many books of history there were comparing facts and such. I then found that Princess Luna was also a ruler too but she had was sent to the moon for a thousand years. Harsh treatment for rebellion, then again Celestia is a controlling tyrant. So I found to my amazement that this fact was covered up at first and none of the citizens who came after the revolt were any wiser that there ever was one. I then found a child’s book that talks about a Mare in the moon and suddenly it became clear to me what type of person Celestia is. The rest of that night I went through the entire library devouring book after book of knowledge filling with ideas that would help me deal with Celestia tomorrow. I knew that she would be coming to the library to meet me because me being a human would cause to much of a scene with her guards and the royal stuck up ponies in Canterlot. It was approaching dawn when I had finished reading the last book in the library, it also helped that I was a very quick reader and more so that I’ve had to read more in less time before. I could hear Twilight just waking up as I retreated to the basement to sleep away until Celestia got here.

I was in bed for no more than an hour when Twilight tried to wake me up early to review a book about how to address royalty that she had read in her own room. “Come one J we only have 5 hours to cover everything this book talks about.” Twilight said nagging me with that voice women use when a guy is being difficult and won’t do what she’s telling him to do. I fucking hate that voice. Ugh I just wanted to punch her in the nose just once for good measure.

“Twilight I swear to all that is holy and divine your more annoying than a Jehovah witness.” I say with as little effort as possible barely moving my lips.

“What’s a Jehovah witness?” Twilight asks.

“Ugh why are you ponies so lacking in human culture.” I say in a defeated voice

“Well you’re the first human I’ve ever met so maybe that’s why.”

“I’m damn sexy too” I say in a sultry tone to which Twilight just rolls her eyes at me. I didn’t see her do it, it was just I knew how she would react to it.

“Yea you keep telling yourself that.” She says totally messing with my ego.

“You know it too Twilight. You think I don’t notice you staring at me with those dreamy eyes of yours but I do.” I say flatly.

“Wha-what are you talking about? That’s just silly. Heheheh” Twilight says awkwardly

“It’s ok Twilight all the ladies love these nuts” I say in a manner of a factly tone.

“What nuts?” Twilight asks clearly confused by my sexual comment. I sigh loudly.

“Your too young to understand maybe when your older.” I say in that grown up voice that everyone hates hearing when their young.

“I’ll have you know that I am a fully capable young mare!” Twilight exclaims to me.

“That’s what she said” I say chuckling at my own joke.

“You’re not very funny.” Twilight says frowning and giving me the death glare as if that was going to intimidate me but I grab her and drag her into the bed with me.

“Aww Twilight you’re too cute to be intimidating and besides you have the cutest little face when you frown.” I say causing Twilight to blush deeply.

“You’re not very nice you know that. Can’t you see that I like you?” She says saying the last part in a mumble. I grin knowing exactly what she mumbled but me being the ass I am just had to poke fun at it.

“I’m sorry what was that I couldn’t quite hear you?” I ask much to her deeper embarrassment. I seeing her face get redder and redder by the minute as she tries to form words to come out of her mouth.

“I- you- AHHH” Twilight screams bolting out of the room slamming the door shut behind her. That should buy me at least a few hours of sleep. I think to myself as I drift back into a deep slumber. The next thing I know I’m being prodded with a hoof. I know it’s Twilight and decide to play with her a little.

“Hmmm, Twilight we can’t play hoofsies with Spike still here.” I mumble out loud. I can almost imagine her blushing at the comment. Messing with these ponies is so much fun it’s almost like a sport for me. A few seconds later a hoof prods me harder. “Mmm twilight I love it when you wiggle your flank a little it’s so sexy.” When I say that my whole bed gets flipped over and I’m lying on the floor. “Oww, Twilight that hurts.” I say looking up to see a beat red Twilight who looks out of breath and is breathing heavily.

“G-g-get ready the princess in twelve minutes.” She says somewhat in shock.

“Aww but Twi I was having the best dream ever it was me and you and you were in a school girl outfit and that was sexy right there and I just wanted to take you all right then and there. Twi? You aliright there Twi? Hehehehehe I think broke her.” I say aloud more to myself than to anyone. Twilight is staring off with that dreamy face of hers in a total shock of what I just said. So I head up stair and run a quick shower to get ready. I hop in the shower and hop back out with just a towel wrapped around my waist. I go back down to my room to see Twilight still staring off in shock. I change into the attire I had planned for the princess Sunbutt or whatever and turn around to Twilight to ask her opinion. “ So Twi how do I look? You think it’s too formal for the princess?” I ask Twi comes back to life after hearing the princess to take one look at me and feint. “ Yup definitely the look I wanted.” I say chuckling evilly.

I wipe a nostalgic tear at the funny times of Austin Powers. Good times, good times. I look down at myself taking in the full image Twilight say. I’m wearing nothing more than a loincloth that hides little from the imagination. I leave everything else bare as if I were a caveman. “First impressions are important and what better way to greet a royal pony than in my birthday suit. Man I can’t wait to see the look on her face.” I say aloud to a still passed out Twilight whom I’m sure can’t hear. I hear a knocking in the front door to hear Spike rush to answer it. I can’t quite make out what their saying but I take this chance to catch their attention. “Yo Spike send the Princess down to the basement and cook us up some grub to eat!” I yell at him. He’s too young to see me looking like this. I hear the Princess getting closer to the door; the sound of her hooves hit the floor almost majestically. I’m beaming with anticipation as I walk up to the door. She knocks on the door and I open it for her. “Do come in your majesty.” I say with a slight british accent. I see her as she enters the doors; she is taller than the others at least by a few feet and she comes up to my neck. She is completely white with a flowing mane that has a bunch of bright colors that hurt my eyes to look at. The fact that she’s so white also makes me eyes hurt, not that I don’t like white people it’s just that good ol Sunbutt is about as white as the color. I then close it behind her as she turns to thank me she gasps loudly.

“You’re, you’re.” She stutters out unsure of wait to make of my outfit. I take in the look of pure shock on her face and revel in the fact that even I can break the unbreakable. I shuffle up to her and pat her head as I walk past her all the while she’s gaping at me opening and closing her mouth with no words coming only sounds attempting and failing at trying to say something.

“Well how do ya like me loincloth? I think it shows off the better part of me if I may say so myself.” I say in a scottish accent, while trying my best not to burst into tears of laughter that I’m barely holding back. Sunbutt is now glaring at me finally regaining her composure and not liking my prank.

“Can you please cover yourself up we have many things to talk about.” She says regally and instantly my good mood is killed. Not even her five minutes and ordering me around like one of her servants. I’d call her a racist but I think the proper word would be speciesist seeing how she didn’t know of the different races of humans or did she? Something about the way she’s commanding tells me that I’m not the first human she’s seen just the only one that’s ever been this bold. However I keep my suspicions to myself as I grab some pants to cover myself up and look at the still passed out Twilight and chuckle aloud. “Why is my student asleep on the ground?” She asks in a demanding almost as if she was accusing me of the crime! I get a suspicion that she’s just looking for a reason to lock me behind bars. It’s like the 60’s all over again. Well she’d be spot on about it being my fault but I’m not about to let this uptight bitch get any leverage over me.

“Why it looks like she’s taking a delightful nap on the ground your highness.” I say emphasizing the ‘your highness’ to give her a clue that I don’t like her already. She picks up on it too as she raises her eyebrow. Wait ponies can raise their eyebrows? Ponies have eyebrows? Well you learn something new every day.

“Why would she be sleeping on the floor when she has a bed?” She asks trying to stump me but I’m too slick to be caught by some horse with a horn and wings.

“Well she probably hasn’t gotten much sleep due to your sudden visit to see me.” I say showing her a toothy grin. She just grimaces at me giving me the stank eye. You know, that look someone gives when they don’t like you and can’t stand the very thought of you being near them. Yeah that look. The bitch had the nerve to give it to me! Now I’m a cool guy and very tolerant but, I don’t get down with disrespecting me and I don’t appreciate some funny ass looking horse looking down on me. So let it be known that on this day I declared mental war on Sunbutt ruler of the funny ass horses. So I stared at her giving no ground to walk all over me like I’m her slave. I earned my rights and this funny ass horse doesn’t have any room to judge me. It was at this moment that Twilight chose to wake up groaning and drawing away Sunbutt’s attention from our staring contest. I made a mental note to myself that our staring contest was one of many victories to come.

“Princess Celestia you’re here already?” Twilight asks almost panicing as she looked over to me sighing in relief that I was at least somewhat dressed in more than my loincloth. ‘Maybe next time a thong would be more appropriate.’ I think to myself.

“Yes my student there’s no reason to worry I’d like a word with your friend alone if I may.” She says warmly. Yup she’s definitely speciesist or maybe humanist? As she says this Twilight nods leaving me alone with Sunbutt. She then glares at me before saying. “My name is Princess Celestia and the only reason your alive is because my student cares a lot about you. If it wasn’t for that I would have had you killed on the spot. . I know of the human race and how evil they are. Your kind is always evil and malicious and never any good. If I get word that you hurt any of my little ponies I will kill you myself.” She says to me snarling. I am such a smartass.

“Ohh and who are you to judge all of humanity hmm? You think that just because your some princess that gives you the right to judge an entire species? Who the fuck do you think you are getting off all high and mighty!? According to you it’s perfectly fine to judge all ponies the same way you just judged me. Are all ponies this hostile to its guests? They must be according to your diluted close-minded logic. You’re nothing more than a talking horse in my world a myth. You don’t intimidate me and if you’re going to threaten me then you better off just killing me because I don’t sit well with threats. The next time you judge an entire species I suggest you do your history first.” I rant to her pissed off to no end and ready to personally gut the bitch for badmouthing an entire species that she really knew nothing about. She at least has the decency to look ashamed of herself and I was getting up to leave her when she spoke up.

“I’m sorry I really have no right to judge you so harshly. It’s just that the last human that I knew was very evil and killed many of my little ponies and I just assumed that you would be like that. “ She said trying to make up for her actions. Pssh its too bad that I don’t forgive and forget. I hold grudges and I don’t let go. Something’s just don’t change and people or ponies get stuck in a certain mindset, however I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

“Just don’t look down on me again Sunbutt respect is earned not given and you haven’t done anything to deserve any of mine. If anything all you proved is that you fuck just as much as everyone else and that you have to work extra to earn my respect or trust. Anyway you got things to do and I have sleep to catch up on so see yourself out of my room and close the door.” I say falling on my bed. She walks away and I hear the door close before I fall into a deep slumber.

A/N: This journal entry in brought to you by J The Smart ass if you have any questions either I or J will answer then for you. If you would like to comment on the awesome staring contest then J considers it a win for Humanity. If you would like to favorite, like this fic then click the thumbs up and the star button and consult a doctor about your brain unless your new to fimfiction in which you are forgiven. If you would like to leave a message then come back when J figure's out how to make makeshift telephone poles with an old school telephone.

CA/N: hope you enjoy this one it really is getting good now more to come soon