Midnight

"Moment of truth - feeling nervous?"

"Don't be a prick - I have no concerns this will be fine."

"Just remember it's your ass on the line here, not mine..."

Midnight sneers at me from the passenger seat following my continued run of antagonization.

"And you're going to be fucking walking back if it falls apart, you smartass."

I have to stifle a chuckle from her outburst, knowing full well I have her where I want her.

"Hey, I'm just making sure I'm not being too nice now."

That comment garners me a brief deadpan stare - until the metaphorical light bulb goes off in her head.

"Ah. That's what this is all about, isn't it?" she says, motioning to her necklace. "Strike a nerve earlier, did I?"

"More like you couldn't seem to shut up about your new bling. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you love it."

It's not an exaggeration. All day, as Midnight and I wrenched on the Trailduster, she marveled at her new accessory. She proceeded to make many passing comments and made sure to tease me about giving it to her, as well. On more than one occasion, Midnight also tried to pass it off as something to get used to - a bit of a nuisance.

But she adores it. And it probably also helps that there is an extra sense of security with the RFID chip inside of it.

So naturally, after finishing up with the work and setting the truck back on all fours, it's time to deal Midnight her own medicine. I know she did everything right, so there's no worry in my mind. It's doubtful Midnight has any qualms about her handiwork either - so I don't feel bad about feeding her bullshit.

"Alright, here we go. Cross your fingers Middie," I announce as I pull the shifter into reverse.

"If I had fingers, I'd be showing you one," she grumbles.

I can't help but laugh at that line while we pull out of the garage and to a stop. Setting the transmission into drive, I point the truck to a heading set for the first test of the suspension.

"All jokes aside Midnight, how do you feel after everything that's happened today?" I ask, keenly interested in her perception.

"You sure seem to trust Teddy," she says, lacking enthusiasm.

"You don't?"

"I've not made a clear decision on that. Personally, I think it's convenient I have something around my neck that may be an RFID chip to get past passive scanners, or it could be a GPS that lets someone track my every movement."

That's hardly a vague and inconclusive thought...

"Then why are you still wearing it?" I challenge, skeptical of her pessimism.

"I'll say it again, I'm not decided."

The Trailduster hits the first few rough spots of the main lane. While it's still a jolt when the right front wheel slips down into a rut, the truck stops bouncing very quickly.

Hell of a lot better than the previous trampoline bounce experience. With new leaf springs, the initial bump is a little bit harder, but that will get better with time.

It's a short-term compromise.

"You realize that Teddy could have just told your whereabouts to some mysterious ne'er-do-wells that wanted that information without going through the trouble of making that, right?"

"...shut up." Midnight tries to dismiss my comment, but she can't hide the mild embarrassment.

"I'm not trying to call you out, just wanted to point that out."

"I get it, I'm paranoid," she mutters.

"I'm not ripping on you. Not on purpose, I mean. But there's being cautious, and then there's - well yeah, irrationally paranoid. It isn't your fault, but-"

"You need to talk to me about it," she says in a mocking tone, complete with exaggerated gestures via her hooves.

I stop the truck and just stare at Midnight. After watching her come to the precipice of attacking someone who was here to help earlier in the day, the sarcasm isn't amusing.

"Midnight, no jokes now. You can't keep letting shit bottle up and let it pop off all at once. Today was a wake-up call for me, and it should be for you, as well."

She rolls her eyes, but I don't give her a chance to unleash any more attitude to deflect.

"I'm serious. I'm glad you're protective of me and your home, I'm glad you have a lot of fight in you that's allowed you to come this far in life - but you need to harness it and reel it in now," I reply, putting my foot down.

"Protective of you?"

"It was pretty obvious today. Unless you were scared and had to keep me around to feel safe."

Midnight is getting visibly angry as her eyes narrow and her sneer turns into a genuine frown of displeasure.

"Stop making shit up to fit your objectives," she says in a harsh, warning tone.

I throw the shifter into park, as this discussion is too important and requires all of my attention.

"Did you not shout for me today when he first came into the building, Midnight? Did you not shadow me for the ensuing ten minutes? Did I not need to calm you down from being on the verge of slaughter, judging by your words and your raw fury?"

"Oh, come off of it, John!" she shouts, her eyes beginning to glow in tune with her building anger.

"No, you need to come off your high horse, Midnight. Today was an eye-opener - you need to get a hold of yourself, and you need to trust me with your concerns," I shoot back, pointing at her.

"I'll take that goddamn finger off, monkey," she growls.

"Do it."

She looks genuinely taken aback by my daring response.

I don't like taking this gamble and I don't like getting stern with her like this. But if there's any chance of allowing her outside of the junkyard, she needs to find some self-control.

We sit in this standoff for what seems like minutes, the rumble of the engine the only sound that reaches our ears.

"Well?" I spout, wiggling my finger enticingly.

"Fuck you." Midnight glares, staring directly into my eyes as she basically cops to her bluff.

"I get to some extent you can't help it, some of it is because of your chips, but-"

"Excuse me?" Midnight coldly interrupts.

"Teddy told me today that with what they experimented with, there are familiar characteristics from those chips, and some of those traits interact with each other and feed off of each other. So I get it, you have some anxiety because of Twilight Sparkle's personality, and you don't really like being forward with your thoughts because of Luna, so-"

"So I'm just a fucking machine that can easily be broken down and understood now? I really am just an experiment that went wrong? Is that your point, John?!"

Maybe that wasn't the best thing to bring up, now that I think of it. I've spent the better part of a month and a half building her up as a valuable living being, independent of her cybernetic implants...

And I essentially went back to square one, portraying her mannerisms as nothing more than coding.

What the fuck am I doing?

Midnight's telekinetic force violently wrenches the interior door handle and flings her door open, allowing her to leap out of the Trailduster.

"Midnight, wait!" I plead with her. "How I meant to say that wasn't what came out!"

"Then how the fuck was it supposed to sound?!" she shouts back, pausing for just a moment to turn and face me. "I trust you when you sit there and tell me over and over how unique and an individual I am, how proud you are of me, and then you tell me shit that makes me feel like I'm back in the lab! Telling me how I'm not right, how things are fucked up in my head, how I don't act as I should!"

She starts to stomp away angrily down a branching path to the right. I jump out of my side of the truck to catch her, hoping to rectify my mistake before she gets far.

"Midnight!"

"Leave me alone."

I don't listen to her. Instead, I reach her side and march in stride, while she looks straight ahead and ignores my presence.

"I didn't mean to dehumanize- er, deponize?" I suggest, before shaking my head. "Whatever. My point is, that was wrong of me. No, you aren't perfect, but I'm not either. But that means you can change yourself - and that's what I'm trying to help you with, trying to get you to understand."

"So pointing out what two electronics jammed in my brain do to my personality-"

"That was idiotic of me to mention. It doesn't matter where those issues come from, it's something I can help you work on, and I want to do that. My focus is on you - you're pulling me out of debt, that's your focus, and you've got it well under control. So I suppose I got some free time now."

Midnight comes to a halt, her eyes locked on the horizon. "So what are you saying?" she demands.

"I'm saying I care a lot more about you than I have anyone else. It goes beyond just wanting to see you improve - I want you to find what makes you happy and make peace with what's happened, and move on. Learn from things that maybe you could have done differently. Accepting a mistake doesn't mean you're a failure - and you need to stop thinking about what was said to you back before I met you. Those people clearly didn't give a fuck about you."

"No, they didn't," she says as a matter of fact.

"I'm sorry for acting like I know your issues just because of computer parts. I sort of meant it in a sense that it confirmed what I had deducted myself in terms of your... let's not even call them flaws, let's call em quirks. Regardless, I didn't realize how offensive that was when I said it."

"I'm not offended by it-"

I squat down next to her. "Midnight, for fuck's sake, stop lying."

She huffs but says nothing.

"Today overall was a good day. You did good with the Trailduster, and all things considered, you did well with Teddy after I helped you calm down some. You can at least admit that, right?"

"I suppose," she says, hanging her head a bit.

"You aren't perfect - no one that's a living, breathing being is perfect. That's not something to be ashamed of, so stop pretending like there's nothing wrong. Me pointing something out doesn't mean you need to be defensive, it means there's a way to improve. That's why you read, to improve your knowledge, right?"

Midnight says nothing.

Likewise, I decide to let silence end the conversation for now. It gives me time to think back about what Teddy said earlier, as well as what I said moments before.

Shit has changed a lot in the short span of time since I found her. My whole outlook has shifted. My opinions on many things have shifted.

Including my view of her.

"As much as you enjoy acting like a dumbass, you can say some things that make sense," Midnight comments.

"I really do care about you Midnight. I want you to know that - however gay it sounds."

"It can't really be gay if it's toward a female, yeah?" she suggests.

"Feelings are kind of gay."

Midnight gives a slight chuckle.

I feel something brush against my back before softly cradling me. I look over to my other side and see a dark violet feather just barely sticking past my arm.

Midnight is embracing me with one of her wings.

"I suppose I do have a lot yet to learn about life, as much as it pains me to admit," she says.

"It's a neverending journey, Middie," I say, reaching up and stroking her mane. A lazy smile comes over her face for a bit, though she does restrain it after a short period.

"I'm still going to give you a hard time," she says.

"I'd rather it be that way. I need you to keep my wits sharp. And I don't need you to turn into a sappy fucking mess."

"Ha! As if you could ever do such a thing. Dream on."

"That a challenge?" I tease.

It gets her to finally turn and smirk.

"Shut the hell up and get back to the truck."

"Only if you're coming with me," I say, standing up just as Midnight retracts her wing.

Midnight doesn't say anything, so I cross my arms expectantly and stare at her.

"That pose makes you look like a bitch."

"Perfect. That was the look I was going for."

"I'm sure it was. Come on," she retorts, turning around and heading back to the nearby idling truck.

I follow suit, right beside her.

Another productive but exhaustive day is coming to an end on the couch. For Midnight, it already has - she barely made it to nine o'clock before falling asleep sprawled out.

Right beside me.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Such a drastic change - when we first met, she could barely tolerate my mere presence. Or get any sort of meaningful shuteye.

The same acknowledgment of change can be said of my attitude. I've had too much time to think. Teddy has given me some clarity on emotions that I hadn't recognized.

I've gotten attached to Midnight far more than I expected.

Why?

In the beginning, I had to tolerate her. The thought of having her here long-term was virtually unacceptable.

That changed quickly once she demonstrated her knowledge. Then, it was her abilities, the fact that she had ideas to help turn my situation around...

Now, it's...

I'm at the door to the answer, but I'm hesitant to twist the knob.

People are fucking weird. I do not want to be one of those weird people that I've always heard about and looked at with disdain. Fetishists obsessed with a show and the characters - characters that aren't human.

That's been a lot of the market for this sort of thing, hasn't it?

Well, the bot market.

But Midnight isn't a bot.

It's still in the same vein, isn't it...?

Not really. I've never watched the show and I don't know shit about it. This goes beyond that.

I've gotten attached to Midnight despite her connections to the franchise.

That attachment itself is something I don't understand. She's moody, sarcastic, and unpredictable to a severe degree. What about that is enjoyable?

Yet, now I have a better understanding of that.

She's hurt.

That's why Midnight acts the way she does. She doesn't know anything other than that, so she faces every situation with the same worn tools as always.

But that's shifted, hasn't it? Slowly but surely, she's warmed up to my advice, my ideas...

Maybe I have a weird savior complex. Maybe everything about this is a road headed toward ruin.

How the hell would I know? How long has it been since I had any sort of relationship?

I honestly can't answer that, as I stopped caring many years ago.

Now...

Suddenly I have an interest. In a goddamned pony.

But rather than cute and cuddly, she's abusive and perhaps a little unsettling.

Who knew such a thing was possible? And why doesn't it bother me?

Somehow, I'm looking past that. I think what lies beneath that spiny exterior is a legitimately good mare. And I want to get to know her better.

I've seen glimpses of her - such as tonight when I fucked up and mentioned her electronic implants in her brain that made her possibly a bit predictable.

Man, that was stupid of me. Really managed to put my foot in my mouth.

Yet...

Midnight listened when I explained myself. She gave me a chance to redeem myself when she really didn't need to do so. She was receptive to my message, even offered a slight embrace of forgiveness with her wing.

During the meeting with Teddy, I helped Midnight regain control of her short temper and anxiety. Despite the inherent risk to myself.

It's oddly complex how I've been drawn in toward her. I know at least part of it is those eyes. It can be easy to get lost in them.

Some say they are the window to the soul. But I've never been one to wistfully dream of that sappy sort of shit.

Midnight would probably hate it. Or at least say she did.

She's full of surprises nowadays.

As much as I hate it, I can't deny that I somehow have feelings for her now. The how or why does not matter at this junction.

But that's just it - I feel like I currently face a crossroad.

There is inherently a weighty risk with pursuing her. I could legitimately destroy everything that I have worked for - and that she has worked for - by making things weird.

Above all else, I want to protect what I have now - a friend. But with as much as she's warmed up to me, maybe there is a chance...

I think I'm willing to take a chance. A careful, slow, methodical chance...