Beat Hazard

"Prince, can I borrow five bits? I wanna but the new Rainblower from the Dream Fortress Two update." I asked Prince.

"Um....I'm broke, I spent all of our money on those damn Scorched Keys to open the Scorched Crates." Prince cursed.

"So you have no money, and I have no money?" A grin started to spread across my face.

"Oh Celestia, you have that face again, I don't like that face, either somepony's getting fucked or you can see a mare in  the shower!" Prince worried.

"Oh, it's not that, that just means that we're GOING TO A CASINO!" I screamed in delight.

"MARGARITAS! WOO!" Prince screamed.

"But first." I said pulling out our pistols. "We rob a gas station."

"You should've seen the look on everypony's faces! That shit was priceless!" Prince laughed through his ski mask.

"I know right! Remember, PUT YOUR HANDS UP, ALL MARES TURN AROUND, JUST GIMME THE BITS AND NOBODY GETS FUCKED!" I laughed harder with each word.

"So, at least we can buy food and drinks. But now we go to the nearest casino!" Prince hollered!

"MARGARITAS!" I screamed.

"MARES!" Prince screamed.

"AND ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NO CONDOMS!" We both screamed.

"Alright so here's how it's gonna go, I'm playing Blackjack, you use the slots." I explained to Prince.

"Got it." Prince understood.

So as I walked over to two ponies playing blackjack I saw a red pony sweating crazily and a brown pony wearing a vest that was calm and collected. The red pony drew, he got a twenty.

"Beat that Grim!" The pony fist pumped.

The brown pony drew. Blackjack.

"DAMNIT, THREE HUNDRED BITS DOWN THE DRAIN!" The red pony raged. He then got up, placed the bits on the counter, and stormed away.

"Hey, brown face, I wanna take you on! Loser buys the winner a margarita!" I taunted.

"Think that you got what it takes to beat me? I wanna see you try you crazy maned freaked.

"Oh it's fucking on." I replied.

"Like Donkey Kong."

Prince was on a damn winning streak. Triple Cherries and triple Lucky Sevens. He was making so much dough that he could've bought Starbass's sister for like, a week. Many ponies were in awe by his winning streak, he was so good that he owned everypony in Blackjack and Poker. A mare even asked him if he wanted to go out with her sometime. But like a true stallion, because he had a marefriend, he replied with, "FUCK YES! PEARL CAN SUCK ON THIS BITCH....so, do you like margaritas?" He said walking away with the mare.

Grim and I were neck and neck to winning the free margarita. Grim had a 19, and I was at 8. I doubled, 18, in a fast chance, I drew, 19, just for luck, I drew again, 22.

"FUCK!" I raged.

"So I'll take that margarita." Grim smirked.

"Fine." I mumbled.

So I bought Grim a margarita, and we sat down and talked.

"So, your name is Grim....Reaper? Your parents must've been dicks." I commented.

"Yeah, what about your parents? With hair like that you could just let hamsters live in there." Grim laughed.

"Go shove that margarita up your ass." I countered.

"Think you could take me in a match in a shot match? Winner get's free drinks all night." Grim challenged.

"I'll drink the fuck out of you, wait what the f-

Prince and his new mare were just living it up. Her name was Aurora Spectrum, and she was a unicorn. They were calmly drinking, but were getting wasted with each sip. Soon they were seeing the world like it was Pyrovision.

"Why is there a giant chocolate in front of me?" Prince slurred.

"Oh my Celestia, there's a sexy dandelion sitting in front of me, I wanna eat it....." Aurora imagined.

In about the next five seconds they were making out, then fell on Prince's house floor. What? You thought they were still at the bar, no they just took a shitload of drinks and walked to Prince's house. All I know is that they really got into it.....I don't really think that's where you put a OH MY CELESTIA THAT'S NASTY!

Grim and I were sipping the five shits out of every shot we took. Our visions were so blurry, I though the bartender was a giant cherry. Grim looked like he was about to puke so hard.(Prepare to be disgusted and laugh at the same time!)

Grim puked onto the bartender, then I did. Then I pulled out my pistol and started shooting like a madman screaming out "REPENT!"

Grim then started banging his head onto the table while screaming "MEDIC!MEDIC!MEDIC!"

It's like the whole damn world is one big Dream Fortress.