Mother Knows Best

Somber.

You felt somber.

It was a bit odd. Any other day and you’d be right back into the fray, eager for tomorrow. You have an unshakeable tenacity in that regard– of that much you're certain. Utter devotion toward your cause. Absolute desire for victory. Eyes on the prize.
Making him yours.

And, in a way, it was all a farce.

Always had been.

You always knew. All those times you swallowed down your fear and knocked on his door– It was a front. ’The ends would justify the means, Fluttershy.’ ’Your dedication is undeniable.’ ’Today’s the day.’

All the withstood humiliation would one day pay off.

And that was enough to push past the ever-gripping fears that plagued you.

One day, it could all just be left in the past; like some embarrassing story that turns funny as the once-searing emotions fade with time. That was always enough to keep you motivated for tomorrow’s attempt. But now, still standing at Anon’s door, staring blindly at the wood in front of you…

Well, it’s hard to not feel a bit lost.

That’s about as much of a reality check you’re willing to accept at the moment, as allowing anything deeper would probably make you cry. No matter what, you’d always be that shy mare, afraid of her own shadow. The morning that surrounds you is as idyllic and shining as any other pegasi-made perfect day in Ponyville. Yet, that hollow cold settling into your gut won’t shake away, regardless of your infrequent tremors. You should get out of here before the dam bursts.

Maybe it’s good that Anon said no again today.

You have some things to think about.

Normally you’d head home and read over your diary after getting rejected. You’ve reread your entries and your list of ways to win him over so many times that you had it nearly memorized, but you like routine. As if reading your words again might spark some secret epiphany you were just on the precipice of reaching in the days prior. It didn’t feel worth the trouble at the moment. So, instead, you found a lonesome park bench looking like it needed company.

Celestia knows you do.

Her sun had finally burned away those dark thoughts and dried up those final few tears after you fled from the public view. It was more manageable now; and it left you finally able to re-strategize. Obviously some things weren’t working here. In the catharsis, you examined your ‘solo’ concept.

Your friends tried to help you, in the past.

Rarity, Rainbow Dash— heck, even Twilight had offered herself as a confidant more than once. They either wanted to see their friend get what she yearned for, or wanted to stop seeing her embarrass herself publicly.

You always politely declined.

In your mind, that would detract from your ‘victory.’ Your mind so loved to wander back into the daydream fantasy of when Anon would finally say yes. You'd pictured it in a million different ways at this point. Your studious deep-dives into the arts of courtship and smut increasingly tinged those fantasies too; and probably significantly up-ticked their occurrence. It had to be done; you didn’t know of any other way to learn.

Anyway, the only common themes amongst them all were Anon, him saying yes, and you doing it alone. Self-made mare setting her mind to it and getting it done, just like Rainbow Dash would.

Or Rarity.

Or Twilight, or Pinkie, or Applejack, or any other of your friends.

They just knew.

If they wanted coltfriends, if they found their true love— any one of them would have him wrapped around her hoof in a week.

And you wanted to be like them.

You wanted to be among them.

So they couldn’t help.

It’s easy to shrug off any other aspect of societal expectation; you had what you needed there. You could happily stand below good friends, knowing they’d always have your back despite your shortcomings. But not on this front. No, here you need to stand beside them as one of their own. This was between you and the one you wanted as your lover- not your friends, or some vague idea of society looking in.

That was the ‘solo’ concept.

It’s just what a mare should do.

Your mother taught you that, in her own way. Surely unbeknownst to herself.

A filly plays with her friends off in the distance, deeper in the park. You recognize them: Ambre Russe, Candy Corn, and Eureka. Ambre’s mother watches idly from a distance, content. That was a state of being you yearned for. You found your vision drifting between the two parties for some time. Maybe a few minutes or so. You didn’t care much about focusing on the passage of time at the moment. Part of you just wanted the day to end. All the same, the more you watched, monotone at your solitary little park bench; the more you began to see the whole scene before you with a sort of wider clarity...

You didn’t quite understand; at least, not yet.

But maybe your mother would know.

You never liked flying to Cloudsdale. If it was in the local area at all, it was always at such a dizzying height.

You remember your fall vividly, so many years before.

When you first made your way back up, it was on the back of your father. You wouldn’t do it on your own until the desire to see those creatures back on the ground became too much to bear. All the same, this flight usually carried nothing but fearful memories with it. You’d found some respite over the years, doing it on your own, as if it was proof of the progress you’d made with your ever-present fears. Those coping thoughts were far from your mind now, however.

It was windy business.

Up so far, the breeze often would catch distant voices on it’s path, pushing their echoes far beyond the mouths they came from, and often distorting their original message. It made for a ghostly experience, if one was unfortunate enough to catch those gusts under their wings. Of course, the world seems eager to taunt you. Distant callings of ”Fluttershy? Fluttershy!” ride on the winds.

Maybe it was just your mind plaguing you again, but—

A pegasus nearly swirls you up into a downdraft as she barrels to meet you. Thankfully, her hooves steady your wild turning of this way and that. ”Oooh! What good timing! Our winds intersect, Fluttershy! What in the world is the #1 Best-Friend-Of-Rainbow-Dash-Champion-Holder-Eighteen–Years-In-A–Row doing so high up in the clouds!?”

It takes you a second to recalibrate your spinning eyes.

“Gah… M-Miss Whistles?”

She gigglesnorts, rolling a hoof. ”Oh, always so polite. You know you can just call me Windy, little lady!”

Windy moves like a hummingbird, immediately at your side, bumping her rump against yours as she pans a hoof out across the verdant Equestrian landscape rolling out across the horizon.

”This is incredible! To think I’d get to see my daughter’s first fillyhood friend today— and here I was just out to buy groceries! Ohoho! It must’ve been fate!”

“I-I was just—”

She cups your cheeks, somehow back in front of you once more. When Windy’s excited, she can run circles around just about anypony.

”Oh. My. Celestia. I just got the PERFECT idea!”

You don’t try speaking out again.

”Forget the groceries, Bobo Bear’s stuffed jalapeno poppers can wait. Will you come back home with me for a little visit, pleaseeee?”

Her shining eyes and smile are almost infectious.

“... Okay.”