Mother Knows Best

”Back already, my wind chime? Oh, did you get the stuffed—”

You brace for the outburst, a small smile having finally managed to break through your dreary mood.

”THE #1 BEST-FRIEND-OF-RAINBOW-DASH-CHAMPION-HOLDER-EIGHTEEN–YEARS-IN-A–ROW!? Sweet Celestia! Come on in, fillies!”

Rainbow’s parents were impossible to be mopey around. Bow Hothoof rushes to the kitchen table, scrambling to pull out chairs. He fumbles, nearly breaking the table with his fall— but it’s all taken in stride by the burly pegasus.

”Oof! Now, how’d you manage to wrangle Fluttershy all the way up to Cloudsdale, Windy?”

Said mare floats over to her husband and heaves him up with hidden strength. ”You know I have my ways, Bobo~”

Windy eagerly clip-clops a hoof on an adjacent seat for you, before taking her husband’s side again. ”Though to tell the truth, I just got so caught up in having Fluttershy visit that I didn’t give her the chance to explain,” she offers you a sympathetic nod “and I’m sorry for that, dear. You know how we can be.”

You bow back as you take your seat. “It’s no trouble, really. In a way, I suppose this is what I came up here for.”

Bow chuckles with an ”oh? You like us that much?”

“Well of course, but I mean more so—”

Your words catch in your throat.

Time for another painful admittance.

You catch yourself slipping into staring again, however brief. Parents you’ve known all your life stare back, happy to see you— eager to listen. Would their ears turn down in pity if they heard your words? Surely it’d be tolerable if you just had news of rejection.

But countless rejections?

And the reasons why?

The thought threatens to burn up your throat. It was so much easier to throw this shame by the wayside when embarrassing yourself in front of Anon. And that is what you do, too: Embarrass yourself, and surely him as well in the process.

Embarrass and humiliate and—

”Fluttershy, dear, is everything okay?”

Windy’s tone switches from polite to gentle in an instant.

That’s so like her.

What catches you off guard, though, is how she actually noticed you caught in your thoughts. You must’ve let it last longer than normal. Normally ponies just assume it to be a quirk of shyness, or even misread it entirely as merely your stutter. Are you doing it again?

”You know you can tell us if something’s wrong. O-oh, we didn’t come on too strongly, did we?” Bow turns to his wife, talking low “I told you we had to really start toning it back after that spat with Dashie. We’re gonna end up scaring every pony in Equestria at this rate.”

Windy places a hoof atop Bow’s, now staring intently at you. ”I don’t think that’s what got Fluttershy spooked like this. Dear, please, if you’re not feeling okay, we can help. I promise.”

It’s good you got those tears out earlier, because they certainly wouldn’t help sell any sort of masquerading bravery now. Something tells you it’s much too late for that anyway.

You sigh, and spare Rainbow’s parents from having to try again to worm words out of you. ”I-I was on my way to my parent’s house. I wanted some… advice.”

”Advice on what, dear? We can help with that! Oh, if you’re okay with sharing, of course.”

Your hooves are awfully interesting now.

”Ooh… I-it’s about a stallion is all—” You catch yourself quick. “H-human! I mean human.”

Bow and Windy stare for a second before casting a knowing glance one another’s way.

”One sec Fluttershy, let me go get the scrapbook.” With that, Bow is already heaving himself up with an exaggerated ‘oof,’ trotting into another room.

Windy plays it off well.

”Oh Fluttershy, you don’t have to get yourself spun up like a hurricane over Anonymous! I bet, a few more guesses and you’ll have him eating out of the palm of your hoof!”

Oh.

This is new.

“... Y-you… You know Anon?”

”How could we pass up meeting Rainbow Dash’s First-Extraterrestrial-Being-From-Beyond-Equestrian-Reality-Friend?! Of course we had to meet the fella! It’s not everyday your pride and joy is chummin’ it up with an alien! Where IS this blasted thing, I swear—” Bow’s voice fades into a ruinous clatter of clinking metal and shuffled papers alike, tearing up the Rainbow-Memorabilia room.

”And it’s not everyday you go fallin’ for one either, Fluttershy~” Windy’s sing-song voice flitters from sympathetically serious to whimsically carefree as if a lazy breeze. ”Now I know you’re not the kinda mare to go kissing and telling, and your reasons are yours and yours alone first and forehoof, but from what Bobo and I have seen—”

Bow slams a stuffed scrapbook on the table, flipping directly to a page adorned with pictures of Anon. They range from outright selfies with the ponies at his side (and Anon looking very much confused), to candid creepshots very similar to a certain scrapbook of your own that you keep under your bed.

“... You took that one from the oak tree that’s lined up with his bathroom window! You have an excellent eye for stakeout spots.”

Windy clutches her heart with her hooves. ”Oh, thank you dear! We thought it was just perfect!”

Bow laughs. ”Hah! I mean, c’mon now. Leaving your bathroom blinds open? At 8pm? Flexing your guns in front of the mirror before your nightly shower? Stallion’s basically beggin’ for it. I don’t know why he plays so hard to get with you, Fluttershy.”

”Like I told you a million times dear, he’s a virgin. You can smell it on him. He just doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Windy wriggles her eyebrows “especially with a nice young filly like you.”

It’s getting much too hot in this cloud house.

“I… um… f-forgive me if I’m being too forward, but… how do you know I like him?”

The couple pull up briefly from their trip down memory lane.

”Oh sister, you oughta know how long it can take to build a collection like this! We saw you at his door All. The. Time. Very punctual by the way, colts love that.”

Bow nods. ”It’s a good initial gauge on the loyalty of a mare. I mean, if you aren’t gonna instill an artificial regime into my life via behavioral conditioning, how can you expect to be able to have an impact at all?”

... Bow lets that one sit for a second.

”It’s also just so polite, ya know?”

Windy leans toward you in a mock whisper. ”That’s how I snagged that big lug Bobo over there, you know.”

The aforementioned stallion blushes, burying his face into the book. ”Oh, Windy~...”

You’re all ears now.

“Really?”

Windy scoffs. ”Well, having a VERY curious tongue helped too.”

”D-dear!!”

Windy bats a hoof dismissively. ”Oh c’mon now, she knows I’m kidding!”

Windy mouths ‘I’m not’ immediately after.

You… aren’t sure whether or not you want to learn these things.

This could be a good starting point for you though.

“So you did, um, stuff similar to what I do? A-and it worked?”

You can’t help but perk up a bit at Windy’s enthusiasm; she’s like a little ball of spontaneity and spunk.

Not that kind.

Or maybe…?

”Sure did! He was even a bit reluctant at first too, believe it or not.” Windy polishes her hoof against her chest, some of her fluff poking out from her shirt as she coolly leans. ”Nothin’ I couldn’t handle.”

Bow sinks deeper against his wife’s side, as though taking refuge against her would somehow shield his blush. You lean forward, past fears melting away with your intrigue. “I-if I may ask… what are your fetishes, then? M-maybe I could see if Anon feels the same way!?”

Windy bites her lip to hold back her excitement. Her giddy hoof-taps against the scrapbook and its many pictures tell all.

”Once I learned my Windchime here was a fellow voyeur, heh, well- it was hard to say no to her!” Bow bursts from Windy’s side, throwing up his hooves in excitement. ”I mean, we got in a LOT of trouble at first, with our, um, cheering- but we learned to keep it in check while watching other couples.”

Windy giggles, nodding her head excessively. ”It’s the ultimate foreplay! I mean, picture it: You’re sitting with your lovey-hubby, watching some unsuspecting lovers already in the mood, doing ‘the deed’ as the fillies say, haha, and suddenly— you’re both in the mood yourselves!”

Bow rubs his hoof behind his neck. ”Yeah… that’s around the time we started getting caught for mounting in some strangers' bushes rather than ‘cheering for the show,’ if you get what I mean.

Windy bats a hoof at Bow’s chest. ”Oh you~ Go on sweetie, go get one of the REAL good scrapbooks.”

Bow obeys, and Windy gives him a good slap on his rump for the trouble. She leans toward you, whispering. ”See what I mean? Colts go CRAZY for a mare that can really take charge, you know?”

It’s becoming a bit hard to compartmentalize all this incredibly important knowledge in your head— but of course! This is exactly what you were missing! Who better to ask for help than the mares who’d long since beaten the game?

“I see…”

Windy had really broken through to you, if your flared wings were any indication. It gave you a great idea.
You’d visit all of your friend’s parents!
You’d learn their tricks, their own paths to victory.
You’d use them against Anon.
And then you’d win.

Bow returns, dragging alongside him a much beefier scrapbook. It's packed to the brim with old Polaroids slipping from the pages and a rainbow of sticky notes and indexers alike. He hefts it up onto the table with a grunt, flipping through the pages. Some appeared to be stuck together.

”Aha! Look honey, here’s that time where Hondo and Cookie Crumbles were trying to spice up their game!”

Windy sighs longingly as she stares down at the candid photos. ”Ah, roleplay~ I recall ol’ Cookie being the victim of a home invasion, and a masked bandit who looked eerily like Hondo, hmmm?”

Bow winks. ”Good memory! Oh, just look at the costumes. Cookie NEVER wears a bathrobe to bed! Gosh, it was such a good setup…”

Their sights are back on you now.

”We just had to try it out ourselves after the show- and I mean really, they must’ve brainstormed for a while about it nights before, because it’s a STELLAR scenario!”

“Are those… Rarity’s parents?”

Windy and Bow both nod giddily, with Windy nearly squeeing in delight. You hoped they hadn’t spied on your own parents at some point.

... You know they did, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t hope otherwise.

It’s neither here nor there.

You point to a particularly scandalous shot: One of the masked unicorn attempting to hilt in the mare as she hammed up the acting with her shrieking face of terror. “Has she been on the stage before? That almost looks real!”

... Your eyes wander to the accompanying images beside it.

The mare’s hoof points out the window, directly where the camera would’ve been. The masked stallion noticing in the next. Bow and Windy taking a selfie in front of the window, sandwiching the window of the two horrified lovers. Rainbow’s parents are smiling proudly in that last one, at least.

Booming laughter from Bow pulls you out of the book. ”Hahah! We may have gotten banned from the West side of Whinnyapolis after that one, but restraining orders never stopped us.”

Windy adds “that’s apart of the thrill! You really gotta try it with Anon some time, Fluttershy.”

His name brings you back to the task at hoof.

“Oh… I don’t think Anon would like this very much. When I take pictures of him sleeping, h-he just gets… really loud.”

Windy scoffs. ”Well, that’s why you start off taking pictures together! Really, others call us ‘voyeurs’ or ‘perverts,’ but I think ‘connoisseurs’ is a much more apt description. I mean, who’s the authorities to decide what is and isn’t a date? Bobo and I have been on more dates than the whole Guard-force put together! And many more so than Anon, especially. We haven’t seen him with a mare even once, and we stake his house out All. The. Time.”

“Y-you do? How come I’ve never seen you?”

The couple smile smugly, though Windy is the one to speak up.

”Come visit more often and maybe we’ll share some of our secret hiding spots, hm?”

You meet their former enthusiasm and put a hoof on the table.

”T-tuesday, 6pm, the bushes outside Anon’s living room window.”

“He always takes a nap on the couch after work.”

Their hooves meet yours.

”We’ll be there.”

A newfound zeal fills your chest as you wave goodbye to Rainbow’s parents.

”I-I’ll see you both Tuesday night!”

Windy and Bow wave back from the front door.

”We’ll be there! Oh hey, why don’t you go visit Rarity’s family next? All us ‘mothers and fathers of the Elements of Harmony’ penpal a TON ever since y'all got together! They’re in Canterlot for the weekend to catch the big hoofball game! Whinnyapolis is going against the Royal Guard, and I don’t know if you know, but Hondo never misses his team playing! They told us they were even gonna stay in the Castle too!”

Bow laughs. ”Yeah, and you saw the pictures! They’re gonna keep Princess Celestia up ALL NIGHT after the game! I bet Hondo gets them both kicked out before the weekend’s up, haha!”

At this, Windy bites her lip and shouts “oh, a-and uh, don’t mention that we still kept those old photos! Cookie’s still a bit, um, sour about that one!”

“I won’t, a-as long as you two promise not to, um, embrace each other beside me while we’re watching Anon!”

Some passerby pegasi turn their heads at that.

Windy whistles out “no promises~”

Finally the two trade giddy looks before shouting out “BYE #1 BEST-FRIEND-OF-RAINBOW-DASH-CHAMPION-HOLDER-EIGHTEEN–YEARS-IN-A–ROW!!” and shutting the door.

You can’t help but laugh at their antics. It’s just too much fun being around those two. As your laughter dies out, your eyes wander toward the hanging city on the mountain. Canterlot really wasn’t so far away, and with the recent work done on the railways, it’s faster than ever to get there. You knew just where you’d find Hondo Flanks and Cookie Crumbles, too.

It wouldn’t be at Canterlot Castle.

With your old determination flooding back alongside newfound hope, you unfurl your wings and divebomb back towards Ponyville.

You had a train to catch.