Apple Hospitality

"Oh howdy, Anonymous! You're a bit early, we're still settin' up for the day."

"Hi Applejack. Uh... Twilight did tell you I have no idea what I'm doing, right?"

"Yeah, but hay that's alright! C'mon, I'll show ya the ropes." She trots away, waving a hoof at you to follow. "Official Sweet Apple Tours, right this way!"

You fall in step beside her as she trots through a nearby field and approaches Big McIntosh. He's working with some kind of big... wagon-looking... machine thing.

Man. You really don't know anything

Applejack calls out in a sing-song voice, "Big Maaaac!" Say hi to Anonymous, our new minion!"

The red stallion glances up at you.

"Howdy."

He returns to his work and you sigh. You don't know how or when you upset him so much, but he never seems to want to talk to you.

Applejack, however, only chuckles and nudges you with a hoof, saying, "Oh don't y'all worry, he likes you, promise. He just ain't much for talkin'."

He doesn't even look up, "Eyup."

You shuffle awkwardly, not quite sure you believe her, and say hesitantly, "Well, uh... I guess in that case, it's good to see you again, Big McIntosh."

"Mac."

"Huh?"

"Just Big Mac."

"Oh shore," Applejack adds, "An' y'all can call me AJ! We're all friends here, ain't we?"

Seems southern hospitality exists here in Equestria, too. That's good... maybe you might finally befriend somepony. At least, somepony other than Twilight. You're pretty sure she's only nice to you because she feels bad about accidentally pulling you from Earth in the first place. You'd told her you didn't mind and actually liked it here, but she didn't seem to believe you.

Your attention suddenly snaps back to the present, "Oh, uh... I guess call me Anon, then."

"'Course," Applejack says with a smile, then continues walking, waving a hoof ahead of her. "Now we got a lot to go over 'round here, so listen up. First up here in front is the main apple orchard and 'course up ahead there's the farmhouse where we all live."

She gestures a hoof toward the fancy barn you saw earlier, which you suppose makes sense, them being horses and all. You idly wonder why ponies in town have normal-looking houses. Maybe it's just a country-pony thing?"

Applejack interrupts your thoughts saying, "An' over here's the pig pen, chicken coop, and sheep pasture."

You come up short, "Huh? What do you need pigs for?"

She gives you a funny look and says, "What d'ya mean?"

You grimace, realizing you probably shouldn't talk about why pigs are raised back on earth. "Uh... I mean, chicken for eggs, sheep for wool... I just dunno why you'd raise pigs."

"We don't raise 'em, Anon, we take care of 'em 'cause they needed a place to stay outta harm's way. They'll find us truffles from time to time as thanks, an' every now an' then there's a big competition for best pig. They love gettin' all dressed up for it."

You hesitate, still a little confused, but you nod anyways, "Okay, just curious."

She gives you an amused look, then shrugs and trots up a nearby hill. "Right, so over yonder are the rest of our fields." She stops and points a hoof at each field in turn as she says, "We grow barley, oats, some grasses for hay, celery stalks, taters, carrots, grapes, pretty flowers for the mares in town, an' when the time's right, zap apples grow in that field over there."

"Wow... I thought all you grew were apples."

"Most everypony does assume that at first, what with our name an' our fame thanks to zap apple jam."

"Plus your apple orchard is right in front for all to see, while your other fields are out of sight back here."

"Yeah, reckon the layout might be encouraging the idea a bit, but most everypony in town knows the truth." She waves a hoof in a wide arc, gesturing to the farm as a whole, "What ya see here provides food for... well, darn near all of Ponyville."

You whistle appreciatively and Applejack looks at you sharply, "Wha...? Did you do that?"

"What, whistle?" You whistle again, a short and simple melody this time.

"Well I'll be! You monkeys are full of surprises, ain't ya?"

You frown, "I thought Twilight told everypony... Look, I'd really appreciate if you didn't call me that. You wouldn't like it if I called you a mule now, would you?"

Applejack looks down sheepishly, her ears drooping. "No, 'spose not... Bein' honest, Twilight did tell me, but, uh... well, it kinda caught on when you popped outta that there portal an' uh... I just ain't quite broke the habit."

You sigh, "It's alright, I understand. Honestly it isn't even that big of a deal, I just wanted to try and keep it from getting too popular, y'know? Nip it in the bud, so to speak."

"Mighty sorry, Anon. Won't happen again, an' I'll try an' tell off anypony else I catch sayin' it too."

"Thanks, Applejack."

She turns away and trots toward the farmhouse, "Anywho, let's go inside and meet the rest of the family."

As you enter the farmhouse, you're a bit surprised to find the inside looks just like any other pony house. You were kinda expecting the inside of a barn or stables or something.

In the front room is a withered green husk of a pony slumped in a rocking chair, snoring loudly. Applejack walks up to her and says, "Now this 'ere's Granny Smith, my granddam on my sire's side."

"Uh... should we be quiet?"

Applejack chuckles, "Naw, ain't nothin' gonna wake Granny up from her nap. Hey Granny! GRAAAANNYYYYYY!"

The old green pony shifts and mumbles a bit, then snores again.

"See?"

You laugh, "Alright, I get it."

You hear a high voice call down the stairs, "AJ?"

"An' that there's my lil' sister, Apple Bloom."

A tiny yellow pony gallops down the stairs, then in her haste, stumbles and lands in a heap at the bottom. She immediately hops up unharmed and beams at Applejack.

"AJ! Ah thought ya'd already gone an' started work! Ah wanted t'show ya something 'fore ya did, but ah woke up late an--"

The filly's eyes suddenly lock onto yours, then she squeaks and scurries behind Applejack's legs.

Applejack chuckles quietly and says, "Aw, don't be scared, sugarcube. This here's Anon. Y'all heard about the human that fell through Twilight's experiment? Well he's a fine fellow an' he ain't nothin' to be a feared of, promise." She grins and leans her head down, speaking in a stage whisper, "Though he does look purty weird, don't he?"

Apple Bloom giggles nervously, her tail twitching rapidly.

You smile gently, drop to one knee, and lean forward so your head is about at Applejack's chest level, almost as low as Apple Bloom's head. "You must be Apple Bloom, then. I've heard a lot about you... you and the other Crusaders are the talk of the town since you got your cutie marks. Can I see it?"

Apple Bloom cautiously steps out from behind her sister and turns a bit sideways.

You reward her with a loud gasp, "Wow! That's even cooler than I imagined!"

"Ya... think so?"

"Chyeah, makes me wish I had one! I'd be happy if mine was even half as cool as yours."

Apple Bloom breaks into a huge grin, then blushes and dashes back up the stairs. You stand up again and both you and Applejack chuckle quietly.

"Ain't she precious?"

"She's adorable. Go ahead and see what she wanted, I'll wait here."

Applejack nods and trots up the stairs and you take a look around the living room. A painting on the wall catches your eye and you see two ponies you don't recognize lying under a tree on the farm. There's a stallion with colors like Apple Bloom wearing a hat similar to Applejack's, and a mare that looks a lot like Applejack, only the colors of her fur and hair are swapped, and her hair is fluffy, like Pinkie Pie's. There's a small red foal across the stallion's forelegs and a tiny blond filly curled up against the mare's chest, who is turned slightly to her side and looks like she might be pregnant.

(https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/8/8/1505498.png)

You mumble quietly to yourself, "These must be their parents..."

"Eyup."

You nearly jump out of your skin at the stallion's voice, then laugh nervously, turning to face him. "Shit! Big Mac, you scared me!" You shoot him a mock glare and add, "How can you even be that quiet with hooves on a wooden floor?"

He ignores you and stares at the picture, his voice low, almost reverent.

"That's m'sire Bright Mac and m'dam Pear Butter."

"They look really cute together."

He turns and looks you in the eye, "They died not long ago."

Your smile vanishes, "Oh... Oh man, I'm so sorry. What happened?"

He shakes his head, "Long, painful story. Granny might tell ya one day. Don't mention 'em 'round the girls, 'specially AJ. Lil' Bloom was too young to remember, but Applejack..." He trails off and sighs.

"Shit, man... Thanks for the warning, Big Mac. I was probably gonna ask when AJ came back down."

"Eyup."

You hear hooves on the stairs and hastily step away from the painting. As Applejack comes into view you realize her hat isn't just similar, but the very same as her sire's.

...Damn.

You must look pretty glum because Applejack comes up short and whinnies, "Maaaaac! What'd ya do to him?"

He shakes his head and you wave your hands, hurriedly saying, "Oh no, nothing,we're fine. Just a bit of a chat."

"Wow, ya actually got him to talk? Must 'a been important!"

You look back to the stallion, "Yeah... it was."

You had spent most of the day trying various jobs AJ and Big Mac usually do, but quickly learn that most of the work on the farm takes far more strength than you can muster. You may be stronger than unicorns and pegasi, but earth pony magic is in their strength, and even small earth ponies like Applejack are apparently as strong as full-sized horses were back on Earth. And Big Mac... Damn that bro can lift. You make a mental note to try and never get on his bad side--even if he seems like he wouldn't hurt a fly.

Hours later, after trying and failing miserably at "hard earth pony work" as Applejack puts it, you find yourself in their main barn with Applejack. As it turns out, the barn is mostly just used for storage, since there are no animals to keep in there. There's a lot of hay but more important are the various tools and simple machinery used around the farm.

Applejack steps up to a large plow and says, "So these 'here help us push snow 'round while we clean up winter an' they can also be used to plow the fields." She walks up behind the device and pushes her chest into a wide bar, rolling it forward a step.

"Looks like a nifty device," you say critically, "But it's construction is pretty crude."

"Think so?"

"Yeah, I mean these wheels are way bigger than they need to be and the supporting carriage is all very thick and heavy..." You rub your chin thoughtfully, then point at the machine as you speak again, "This could probably half the weight and still be just as strong where it counts: the push bar and the plow in front."

She lowers her head and glares at you, "Ya sayin' I ain't strong enough?"

You jerk your eyes away from the plow to meet her gaze, "What? No girl, I saw how strong you are. You could probably pick me up with one hoof!"

She relaxes and grins, "Darn tootin' I could."

"No, what I'm saying is if it weighed half as much, you could push it longer. You're strong but you must get tired eventually, right?"

"I could push half the weight twice as far..." She nods thoughtfully, then frowns, "But y'see, the reason they're so big's 'cause it's real hard to make small stuff with just hooves. Unicorns can make real fine, fancy stuff with their magic, but Ponyville was founded by earth ponies, an' it's tradition to do as much as we can without magic."

"Well maybe I can help, then. Human fingers don't count as magic, do they?"

"Well... 'spose not..."

"I'm no engineer but I do understand basic physics, and I always liked machinery and stuff back home. I may not be as strong as you, but my dexterity trumps yours big time." You wiggle your fingers in front of her face, making her go cross-eyed and giggle. Then you turn around and look at the other tools, "I bet with some help from you to lift the heavy stuff, I could improve most of this equipment quite a bit."

"Say, now that's an idea!"

"I guess I'd also have to do all the maintenance, too... If ponies can't build it, you probably can't repair it either." You rub your chin in thought, mumbling more to yourself than anything else now, "Plus I can continue trying to iterate and come up with even better designs..."

Applejack chuckles, "Now I see why you an' Twilight get along! Talking 'bout iteration an' stuff..." She gives you a look and mutters, "Y'all oughta date or somethin'."

You shrug, "Eh... she seems too caught up in her studies for anything like that."

"Her loss!"

Her grin widens, then she turns and waves a hoof for you to follow. You walk out the barn and through a nearby field as she approaches Big Mac.

"Hey, Anon here's had an idea, wanted to run it by ya."

He pauses and casually shrugs the giant cart off his shoulders.

"Shoot."

"So we were lookin' at the equipment in the barn and he was sayin' how with his nimble monkey hands, he--ah!" Her hoof flies to her muzzle, then she looks at you apologetically, "I'm sorry... I'm tryin', really, it just slips out sometimes."

You smile magnanimously, "It's okay, I know you don't mean anything by it. It'll take time to break the habit, right?"

She grins sheepishly, then turns back to Big Mac and continues, "Anywho, his human hands can let him manipulate things as nice as unicorn magic, but it ain't magic, so it oughta be just fine, right? I was thinkin' maybe we let him do just that an' fix up our equipment."

Big Mac shrugs, "Don't sound like magic to me."

"Right! Like he was talkin' how he can make the snow plows half as heavy an' still be just as strong, which would mean we could plow twice as long in 'em."

"Eyup."

"I 'spose we'll see how his ideas hold up in practice, but it sounds like a good job for him since he ain't strong enough for our kinda work." She turns back to you. "'Course, you'll still help with the lighter work like what Apple Bloom an' Granny Smith do."

"Sure," you say nonchalantly, "I'll do anything you need me to do. I am your minion, after all."

She turns away and you faintly hear her mutter, "Anythin', huh?" But as you open your mouth to ask, Big Mac snorts lightly at you and you hesitate.

Then you're all distracted by the clear sound of a bell ringing and a high, wobbly voice calls out, "Come git yer food!"

Applejack's ears perk up, "Ooh, I didn't realize how late it was! C'mon Anon, let's get some food an' y'all can meet Granny for real now!"

You turn and follow Big Mac into the farmhouse with Applejack behind you and are greeted by a mouth-wateringly savory smell. Through an open doorway, you see Granny Smith standing up and fumbling around in the kitchen. She turns as you all enter.

"Now y'all hurry up n' sit down, it's--ooh, y'all must be Anon!"

You give her a little bow of your head, "A pleasure, ma'am."

"Ohhh, don't waste yer manners on an old mare like me. If'n ya just git along with Applejack, all'll be fine an' dandy. She's told me all aboutcha, y'know."

"She has?"

Applejack's ears turn back as you give her a questioning look.

"Well, what little I know, at least. Twilight talks about you a lot an' you're a kinda big deal in town, y'know." She chuckles nervously.

Big Mac sits on his haunches at the end of a short wide oval wooden table. You try to make yourself comfortable sitting on the floor at the side of the table to his left. Granny and Applejack start getting portions ready in bowls, and as you're settling in, a burst of giggling and excited filly voices reaches your ear.

"There y'are, ya rascals!" Granny calls out, "Get in 'ere 'fore yer food gets cold!"

Three tiny ponies scramble through the front door. Apple Bloom is the first and hesitates when she sees you, then she puts on a brave face and trots up to the table, sitting down between you and Big Mac. The other two freeze as soon as they see you.

You grin and turn to Apple Bloom, "And are these the famous Cutie Mark Crusaders?"

"Chyeah!" She imitates the way you said it earlier, then giggles and adds, "We was just talkin' 'boutchu. C'mon girls, y'ain't scared are ya?"

The orange pegasus scoffs and immediately trots up, head held high. The white unicorn hesitates, then slowly walks up behind her. They both sit on the other side of Apple Bloom from you, forcing Big Mac to scoot over and make more room.

Applejack walks over carrying three bowls of liquid balanced on one foreleg held before her and, with a combination of her mouth and hooves, somehow maneuvers them onto the table without spilling a drop.

"Now don't y'all worry," she says soothingly, "Anon here's a nice fella an' he's gonna be workin' on the farm for a while. A long while, hopefully."

The orange pegasus turns to face you, "Hiya! My name's Scootaloo. My parents are away a lot, so I mostly hang out here and with Rainbow Dash!" Her voice is surprisingly rough and scratchy, like she needs to lay off the Marlboros.

The white unicorn seems encouraged by her friend's confidence and says in a squeaky voice, "Hello Anon. I'm Sweetie Belle. Rarity is my big sister."

"And y'already met me! Together we are--"

Together, they stomp a hoof and chant in unison, "The Cutie Mark Crusaders!"

You give them a huge grin and say, "You three are the cutest and coolest things I've seen in Ponyville yet. C'mon you two, lemme see your new cutie marks."

All three grin and stand, positioning themselves in an obviously rehearsed pose, facing the same direction in a diagonal line so each of their rumps is visible behind the others.

"Wow... they really do match! Awesome!"

They all giggle and sit down again, Scootaloo seeming especially pleased with your comment.

Applejack returns with three more bowls and places one in front of you, then sits to your left with her own bowl. Granny brings one last bowl and sits on Applejack's other side, then says, "Alrighty, dig in!" and all six of them lower their muzzles to their bowls and chow down.

You hesitate, realizing you'll need to bring your own fork and spoon tomorrow. Applejack glances at you, probably wondering why you aren't eating. You then lift the bowl in both hands and tilt it into your mouth. It's a wonderfully savory broth with hearty chunks of various vegetables. You set the bowl down again, licking your lips.

"Oh man, that's really good, Granny." Then you realize they're all watching you with varying degrees of interest or confusion. "...What?"

Granny waves a hoof absently, "Oh, don't mind 'em, they just ain't never seen a monkey eat before." Applejack tries to say something, but Granny continues loudly, "What'd y'all expect? He's a monkey! His face is flat an' his tongue's short. Why, he'd prolly drown if'n he tried eatin' like we do. Quit yer gawping an' get to eatin'!"

Abashed, they turn back to their bowls, but Applejack nudges Granny with a hoof. She murmurs something in the old pony's ear and Granny bangs a hoof on the table, "Well sour apples, what'm ah s'posed to call him, then? He ain't a monkey, he ain't whatever Tirek is, an' he shore as hay ain't no--"

"Granny!" Applejack says sharply, "He's a human, Granny. Ya call him a human."

Granny Smith mumbles something incoherent and slurps noisily at her bowl. Applejack shakes her head, bemused.

"Good gravy, Granny. I'm tellin' ya, you gotta learn to be more considerate an' polite, what with all these Yaks an' Hippogriffs an' Dragons coming an' going. 'Specially with the Yaks..."

You chuckle and say, "Thanks Applejack. I know I'm an oddity and everything I do is weird and different, so y'all can watch if you want, ask me questions, whatever. I don't mind."

Sweetie Belle immediately raises a hoof.

"...Uh, yes?" You take another gulp of stew while she speaks.

"Why do you always wear clothing? Ponies usually only wear clothes on special occasions."

"Ah. Well, mostly because I don't have fur and... well, let's just say walking upright like I do leaves you pretty, uh, exposed without clothes."

She tilts her head and frowns, "I don't get it."

Applejack snorts into her stew, "Wait 'til you're older."

Sweetie Belle pouts and opens her mouth to retort, but Scootaloo interrupts her.

"How d'you not fall over all the time walking upright on two legs?"

Rather than answer, you respond by twisting around and unlacing your simple shoe, pulling off the sock Rarity had made you, and revealing your pasty white toes.

The pegasus gasps and looks up at you incredulously, "You have hands on your hindlegs, too?"

You chuckle, "No, this is a foot. The things on the end that look like tiny fingers, those are called 'toes,' and they help me balance really well, but they can't manipulate things like my hands can."

In demonstration, you get up and balance on one bare foot--which is already impressive to a four-hooved species--then you carefully lift yourself up and balance on just the ball of your foot. Big Mac leans around the fillies to see, Granny stares from under the table, and everypony makes various sounds of awe.

As you sit back down, Apple Bloom gives you a puzzled look, "Hang on, why d'ya wear the shoe, then?"

You grin as you replace your sock and shoe, "'Cause I don't have tough hooves like you! My feet are only covered in soft skin like my hands here."

You hold out your hand to her and she gingerly touches your palm with the frog of her hoof. The other two, not wanting to be left out, immediately lean over and reach out with a hoof as well. Scootaloo rubs the back of your hand and Sweetie Belle lightly touches your fingertips, murmuring, "It really is soft... almost fragile, even. If your feet are this soft too, how do you ever get around without shoes?"

"Well, my skin might be soft compared to your hooves, but it's tougher than you think. I can walk around barefoot for a while, it's just that if I do that for too long, my feet will get sore, especially if I'm walking over sticks or rocks. With shoes I can walk as long as I want."

Scootaloo opens her mouth to ask another question, but Granny cuts her off, "Alrighty, y'all'll have plenty o' time fer questions another time. Hurry an' finish yer food 'fore it gets cold."

The crusaders chant "Yes ma'am!" and turn back to their bowls.

It isn't long before everypony finishes up their meal and the fillies run off as soon as they're done eating, their questions seemingly forgotten. Granny gets up to take care of the dishes, leaving you, AJ, and Big Mac sitting at the table.

You arch your back and stretch your arms with a groan, then say, "So tomorrow we gonna get started improving the equipment?"

Applejack nods, "I reckon. The next week or two should be pretty slow, so we'll have plenty of time."

"Eyup."

Suddenly you remember what Granny said earlier, "Oh hey... Granny said something earlier about me not being Tirek? What's--"

At the mention of the name, Big Mac suddenly coughs, Applejack accidentally bangs the table as she raises a hoof too fast, and Granny drops a bowl with a loud clatter. You look around, startled.

"Uh..."

"Sorry!" Applejack waves a hoof, "That just... caught me off guard."

Granny turns to you, "Ah'm sorry, Anon. Ain't never should'a made such a nasty comparison."

You scrunch up your face in confusion, "Wait, huh? Nasty comparison? Can somepony explain what's going on?"

Applejack sighs, "Tirek is some kinda monster an' was a huge problem a while back. Like... almost destroyed all of Equestria kinda problem. He's a, um... a centaur."

You take a moment to consider the implications of that statement, then quietly ask, "Applejack, how often do ponies see monkeys?"

She grimaces as if she knows where you're going with this, "Pretty much... never."

"And other centaurs?"

"Not in ages."

You rub your forehead, "So... basically Tirek and me are the only monkey-like things anypony has ever seen."

It was a statement, not a question, but Applejack nods anyways and you groan.

"Well, at least I know why everypony avoids me."

Big Mac quietly asks, "Twilight didn't tell ya?"

"Nope."

Applejack lays a hoof on your shoulder, "Don't worry, Anon. I can already tell yer a good person an' I'm sure ponies'll love ya once they get to know ya. If'n I notice ya come up in any small talk around town, I'll be sure an' put a good word in for ya." She grins broadly, "The element of honesty's praise oughta do ya wonders."

That was actually exactly what you were hoping she'd do when you took this job. Relief floods through you and you suddenly break into a huge grin.

"Thanks, AJ. That means a lot. More than you know."

She pats your shoulder in comfort, then gets up to help Granny with the dishes. You just sit there for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts after the long day.

Big Mac leans close and mutters, "Y'all alright?"

You take a quick breath, then look up at his impassive face and say, "Yeah yeah, I'm fine. I'll, uh... I'll see you tomorrow."

Applejack turns and smiles at you, "G'night Anon!"

"And thank you for dinner, Granny Smith."

"Mighty welcome."