Guess who's back,

-Back again

[Interview 1: Trixie Lulamoon]

"So, Trixie. How do you feel about the rumors about ponies and you, rolling in the hay if you catch my drift?"

"What? What in the blue cheese are you the talking about?" Trixie asked the mysterious questioner. "And who the hell are you?!"

The pony chuckled at Trixie's reaction, before returning to their normal expression. "Answer the question Trix, the fans want to know."

"... Fine, who's the pony that you're talking about." Trixie asked.

"Oh, it's not one pony. It's ponies."

"The fuck?"

"You see Trixie, there's a rumor going around that you and a certain group of ponies are... Getting along a little too well."

"And who are these group members, if I may so kindly ask from you."

"Well, let's see here..." The questioner pulls out a piece of paper from their hair and scans through it with lightning speeds. "Oh! Here it is. You got Lyra, Bon bon, Spitfire? Wow that's a doozy. And... Dashie."

"... And these ponies are supposedly the ponies I fuck?"

"Woah! Woah!" The questioner exclaimed. "Language Trixie! There's kids reading this."

"Kids can't read idiot."

"Aaanyways, yes. The rumors state that you've been... Playing in the clouds with these ponies. Confirm or deny?"

"As much as I want to confirm it. Nah, it's fake." Trixie said, leaning back in his chair. "Can't get a single mare to date me. Bit sad innit."

"It's surprising too!" The riddler- I mean the Questioner exclaimed. "With the imbalance of mare to stallions, you'd think you'd get a mare by now!"

"Ouch."

"Anywayssss, I got more ponies to interview so get your flank outta my room- I mean, my office!"

"Wait do I get a free cupcake or something-"

*SLAMM!*

[Interview 2: Rainbow 'Danger' Dash]

"Wait, where the hay am I?"

"Now, Dashie!" The questioner pointed a pen at the prismatic mare. "You're fast right?"

"Who the hay or you- wait..." Rainbow leaned into the questioner's face, who was on the other side of the table. "PINKIE!?"

Huzza! The riddler has been identified!

"Oh fiddlesticks... Should've known you'd see through my dark veil of darkness Dashie!" Pinkie giggled.

"Well... Pegasi do have better vision in the dark so." Rainbow puffed her chest out. "Also, for your earlier question, Twi did some egghead stuff and figured out my top speed is mach 1.4! I don't know if that's fast but, you know, sounds cool."

"Follow up question then!" Pinkie exclaimed, before getting dangerously close to Rainbow. "Do you like mares?"

Rainbow suddenly went bright red before pushing Pinkie out of her face. "What?! No, ew! W-what made you think that? I mean- hehe."

"Rainbow, this is a gender safe environment. Noponys gonna judge you! Except for the fanboy in the author but he lives in the typhoon center of Southeast asia so it's normal there. Semi normal." Pinkie said all in one breath.

"... Fine, you won't tell anypony?" Rainbow asked Pinkie.

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in eye!"

"I'm..."

"Yesssss?"

"I swing both ways! A little more to the stallion side but still!" Rainbow blurted out.

"There we go Dashie! Now how does that feel?"

"... Feels good to say it to a friend." Rainbow admitted.

"Now!" Pinkie exclaimed, before jumping over the table and pinning Rainbow to the ground. "Do you have the hotts for Trixie?"

"WHAT?!" Rainbow yelled, before quickly bolting out of the room, leaving Pinkie staring at the ground.

"I'll take that as a no then."

[Interview 3: Lyra 'Lyre' Heartstrings and Bon Bon 'Candy' Drops]

"Now! You two!" Pinkie asked the two mares, which were Lyra and Bon Bon. "Are you married?"

"Fuck no."
"I'm not into anypony."

"Oh." Pinkie stared at them, before continuing. "So both of you are asexual?"

"I like stallions and mares." Bon bon replied casually.

"Ponies are gross. Still feels icky to think about them that way." Lyra admitted. "It's been... Ten years since I lost most of my memory, and apparently being attracted to ponies went with it."

"Interesting..." Pinkie said, jotting down notes. In reality she was drawing crude stick ponies. "So both of you aren't in a secret relationship with Trixie? Or without him."

"No? What makes you think that?"
"I AM NOT GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT NARCISSISTIC HORSE!"

...

"Lyra, Trixie isn't even close to being narcissistic. Egotistical sure, but not narcissistic." Bon bon said to Lyra, the latter fuming in the thought of her and Trixie being near each other.

"That's what she'll make you think!" Lyra exclaimed. "She's just waiting for the perfect moment, and she'll jump out and bite ya!"

"Oooo, why do you hate Trixie so much Lyra?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh, you know, besides the fact that she's A LYING CONNIVING SON OF A CHAOS THAT'LL STAB YOU IN THE BACK!" Lyra shouted.

"He stole your sandwich once, Lyra. Also I keep telling you Trixie identifies as a stallion." Bon bon scolded Lyra.

"THAT'S ONLY FOR CLOUT!" Lyra exclaimed.

"Still don't know what clout means." Bon bon said under her breath. Bon bon, having enough of Lyra's shouting match with the air, escorted Lyra out, leaving Pinkie alone in her room.

"Nope and nope... Options are running thin Trixie..." Pinkie muttered. If you listener closely, you could hear Trixie yelling 'I didn't even ask for this anyways!'

[Interview 5: Spitfire 'Streak' Skies]

"And lastly... Captain Spitfire!"

"Sup." Spitfire casually said. "So, you wanna interview ol' Spitfire huh?"

"Hmhm!" Pinkie nodded.

"So, I'll answer the basics." Spits said before clearing her throat. "I'm only 25 years old, no I'm not attracted to mares and yes I have experimented. Yes I'm attracted to stallions, no I'm not in a relationship with Soarin or any wonderbolts. And no, I'm not a secret robot made from an underground lab."

"Wow... So those questions are commonly asked to you?" Pinkie asked.

"Yep. Oh, I forgot one. Yes, Soarin is gay." Spits said, with a confident smirk. In Cloudsdale, a blue gray stallion sneezed.

"Oooo! Dashie is gonna be miffed about that one!"

"Heh." Spitfire chuckled.

"Now, do you know this pony?" Pinkie asked, before shoving a picture of Trixie eating a burger into Spits face.

"Oh, is that who I think it is? It is!" Spits exclaimed, before wearing a goofy grin on her face. "It's been so long since I last saw that hunk of lazy meat..."

"Do you like him?"

"Hmhm- I mean what?" Spits asked, a slight blush on her cheeks. "What's your question again?"

"I asked if you wanted him to stick his [beep] in to your [boop]?"

"Didn't even know he had that..." Spitfire said, staring into space, her face slowly turning red.

"Sooooo?" Pinkie asked, hope in her voice. Maybe Trixie actually has somepony that likes him! Because if he doesn't, Pinkie has to do it herself. "Shhh, Quiet Depressed!"

"I mean..." Spitfire trailed off. "Hm..."

"Yesssssssss..?"

"Fine." Spitfire finally relented. "I like-"

"TRIXIEEEEE!" Shouted a certain pink alicorn. "YOU BETTER EXPLAIN WHY MY LOVE SENSES ARE TINGLING!"

"Uhhhhh." Trixie said, looking at Cadence with a confused expression. "I don't know?"

"You don't know?" Cadence said, confused. "Oh. Then, do you have a guess or something?"

"Dunno, maybe grandpa felt a little cheeky today." Trixie said, before sipping his extra black coffee. "Or maybe it's another cliche in this bullshit of a story."

Both were silent for a few seconds before Cadence spoke up, worry in her voice evident.

"But in all seriousness, how do you not have a mare yet?" Asked Cadence, genuinely worried.

"I DON'T KNOW MAN! STOP ASKING ME LIKE I KNOW WHY!"

Achievement unlocked: No bitches?

"OH COME ON!"

Author's Note

Ps: I'm not homophobic. I just hate gays.

I'm joking. I hate everyone equally.
I'm not actually homophobic and I love ya people

Also, I'm back. Lmao. Made this lil chapter for fun.