Scam Your Heart Away

Flam stood outside the park, his heart buzzing with mischief. He was confident, charming, and downright handsome. He’d have Filthy Rich’s business in a shake of a lamb hoof! All he had to do was step into the park and-

“Now, hold your horses, dear brother!” Flim scolded, yanking Flam’s tail. Flam glared at the mustacheless unicorn, scrunching his muzzle in annoyance.

“What could you possibly need?” Flam hissed, jerking his tail away. Flim put his hoof up, shushing his brother.

“You remember what you need to say, right?” Flim inquired. Flam rolled his eyes, throwing his head back.

“Yes, I remember. You don’t need to treat me like a foal.” He huffed. Flim ignored his brother’s annoyance, wrapping his arm across Flam's shoulders.

“Even if you don’t, I’ll be there to coach you. Just make sure to say what I say. I am the smart one, after all.” Flim boasted with a smug smile. His smile faltered, and his gaze began to drift. ”Besides, don’t want a recreation of the…incident.” Flim shuttered.

Flam pursed his lips, his mind wandering back. Three years of dating down the drain…He quickly shook his head, puffing out his chest.

“I can do this, Flim.” He insisted, pushing Flim’s arm off of him.

“Fine, fine. No need to get snippy.” He huffed. “Keep your eyes peeled. I’ll be there for you.” Flim said. Before Flam could ask for clarification on that rather cryptic message, Flim was already prancing into the park.

Was his brother actually…supporting him? No, that didn’t sound right; it had to be something else. And knowing Flim, it was probably something ridiculous.

Flam strolled through Ponyville Park, taking in the sights. The grass was a luscious green, flowers sprouting about. He had to admit, it was beautiful.

When he and Flim took over Barnyard Bargains, he had to come here more often. And then he could buy it and make ponies pay to see it! No one just deserved to see such a sight without a price.

He stopped upon a field, isolated from any ongoers. Tall trees surrounded the field, creating the perfect ratio of shade and light.

Filthy Rich sat in the middle of the field, lounging on a picinic blanket. He had already pulled out an assortment of food, which resided next to a picnic basket.

For a moment, Flam was absolutely enamored. The sun caught his black mane at a perfect angle, and his eyes shined a brilliant blue.

Flam didn’t want to admit it, but Filthy Rich was actually attractive. He couldn’t be blamed for finding the stallion attractive; most businessmen were.

Filthy Rich’s eyes caught the unicorns. He lit up, wildly waving his hooves in the air. “Hello, Mr. Flam!” He greeted all-too-happily.

“Greetings, Mr. Rich,” Flam responded, plopping onto the blanket.

“It is an absolute pleasure to see you again.” Filthy Rich complimented, shaking Flam’s hoof. “For a second, I feared you weren’t going to show.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Flam responded with a smile. For a businessman, Filthy sure wore his heart on his sleeve. Flam watched as his tail swished in excitement.

“I have just the drink for today.” Filthy bragged, reaching into the picnic basket. His hooves rummaged through the basket, a frown forming. “Now, I know it’s in here somewhere.” He muttered disgruntedly, shoving his head in deeper.

Flam's eyes wandered upwards, his breath catching in his throat. Oh, he had to be joking.

Within the too-tall tree resided Flim, pressed between two branches. Flim waved enthusiastically to his brother, pointing to Filthy Rich. Is that what he meant by ‘I’ll be there for you’? Flam squinted, trying to decipher what his idiotic brother was saying.

“Ask him about his business,” Flam managed to make out. Filthy popped up, grinning ear to ear.

“Found it!” He cheered, a wine bottle in hoof. Flam glanced back at Flim, who was eagerly pointing at Filthy. Flam looked back at Filthy, who held out a glass of wine. “For you, mon cher.” He offered.

Flam all too gratefully took it, immediately bringing the cup to his lips. Most might think it was too early to drink, but it was 6 o’clock somewhere. Within seconds, he downed the cup. It was sweeter than he had anticipated, coating the back of his throat with a sugary paste.

“So, what do you exactly do at your job?” Flam asked. Of course, he already knew. How could he not? That was the whole reason he was here.

Filthy Rich shrugged, dismissively waving his hoof.

“Oh, the business isn’t much. I want to hear more about you.” He said, refilling Flam's glass.

Ugh, of course, this sap would want to talk about him. This was a date.

“Such as?” Flam inquired. Hopefully, it wasn’t anything too personal. Flam might have been an ironclad con artist, but he still had his limits.

“Oh, simple things. Like, who’s your favorite celebrity?”

Right, these were average first-date questions. As much as Flam wanted to get into the nitty-gritty of it all, he had to, unfortunately, play along.

“I liked Countess Coloratura before her…” Flam shuddered, “Rebrand.” All of the personal music sent a chill up his spine. What happened to the drama? The glamor?

Filthy Rich’s eyes lit up.

“One of my business partners was the one who inspired that.” He started cheerfully. A business partner? If he had any business partners, Flam had to know. It was vital to the plan, after all.

“Oh?” Flam inquired.

“Mhm! Applejack down at Sweet Apple Acres. Maybe you’ve heard of her?”

Flam clenched his jaw shut, squeezing his hooves against his cup. Of course, Applejack had something to do with it. He desperately needed to drop her from the business when he got the chance.

“What do you like to do in your free time?” Flam quickly changed the subject. Talking about that apple horse was more trouble than it was worth.

“Free time? I don’t get much of that. It’s only business for me.” He stated cheerfully. Flam resisted the urge to frown. This stallion lived a sad, sad, life. “Scone?” Filthy Rich offered.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Flam said, happily levitating the scone. He took a firm bite, wincing in pain. It was like biting into a rock! The unicorn ran his tongue across his teeth, checking for any chips or cracks.

“Did you bake these yourself?” Flam asked, rubbing his aching jaw.

“Sure did!” Filthy Rich admitted far too proudly. If all of his baking was like this, Flam should do his kitchen a favor and burn it down.

Flam caught Filthy’s gaze again. It was loving and sappy. It almost made Flam’s stomach churn.

“I don’t say this to just anyone, but I think In six months, we can be wedded.” Filthy Rich said happily. Flam inhaled his drink, sending him into a spiraling coughing fit.

“Wedded?” Flim hissed from the tree. Flam flicked his head back, flinging the scone toward Flim. It hit his temple with a ‘thunk.’

“Isn’t that a bit fast, my dear?” Flam asked through gritted teeth.

“I know I’m moving fast, but that’s just how it is with business.” Filthy Rich shrugged. “And if everything goes according to plan, we should have a foal or two on the way.”

A wave of nausea hit Flam. Having a runt running around was disgusting. Flam threw his head back, downing his alcohol. From the side of his eye, Flam could’ve sworn he saw Filthy grin. It wasn’t a normal, happy grin. It was a deceitful, mischievous-filled one. Flam had seen it many times before.

“While we’re asking questions, I have an important one for you.”

Flam hummed in response, clearing his mouth of any liquid.

“What intentions do you have with my business?”

“Pardon?” Flam gasped.

“No one just gets with me because I’m charming. They get with me because of the stuff I have.”

Flam flicked his ear toward the tree, listening for Flim.

“Say that-” The branch snapped under him, sending him plummeting downhill. Flam winced as he heard Flim roll down the grassy planes.

“Oh, Celestia, it hurts!” Flim cried, his voice growing distant.

Flam’s attention snapped back to Filthy Rich, sweat forming at his brow. Filthy Rich had the same stern glare.

Filthy Rich pressed his snout against Flams’, his gaze hard. He could feel the earth ponys breath against his snout.

“Answer the question, Mr. Flam.” He said through gritted teeth.

Think, Flam, think! One wrong move could ruin this whole operation!

“You have a business?” Flam blurted. He quickly bit his tongue at the idiotic question. Of course, he had a business! They literally talked about it last night! They were talking about it right now!

Filthy Rich’s demeanor faltered, a giggle leaving his lips. The giggle quickly turned into a fit of laughter. All Flam could do was laugh with him.

“Oh, Mr. Flam, you’re just too funny!” He chuckled. “I like that in a stallion.”

“Yup, that’s who I am! The funny one!” Flam forced out a laugh. Filthy Rich snorted, wiping a tear from his eye.

“I need someone funny like you in my life. Celestia knows my ex-wife wasn’t.”

A beeping came from the stallion's wrist, catching his attention. Filthy Rich looked at his wristwatch, his eyes widening a bit.

“Oh, Celestia, is it that late already?” He muttered in disbelief. He looked back at Flam, giving him a loving smile. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I have a busy day.” Filthy Rich dug into the collar of his tie, pulling out a business card. He jutted the card toward Flam.

“Meet me here tomorrow,” Filthy instructed. On the card was an address. Did Mr. Rich have a second secret business?

Filthy Rich happily trotted away, his tail swishing rhythmically. Flam looked down. Filthy left his picnic blanket and food. He may be rich, but surely he wasn’t dumb enough to leave all of this.

“Aren’t you gonna take your stuff?” Flam called out. The earth pony lifted his hoof above his head, waving the other off.

“Keep it! Think of it as a gift.” Filthy instructed. Alright, so he was dumb. Honestly, that fact just made everything easier. If he was this dumb, Flam could get away with anything!

Flam looked down at the business card, then back to the departing stallion. Though the conversation was fleeting, Flam felt like he made incredible progress. He buzzed with pride.

The unicorn's attention snapped to a low grunt from behind him. Flim lay on the ground, his body covered in purple bruises.

He dragged himself across the grass, his clothes torn and tattered. If Flam didn’t know any better, it looked like his brother was about to pass out. Flim wearily looked around. Well, he tried, but both of his eyes were swollen shut.

“Where’z Filthy?” Flim slurred, his legs trembling. He leaned on Flam, trying his hardest not to collapse.

“Dear brother of mine, I think I might have found our way in.”