Scam Your Heart Away

Flam was a con artist, and part of being a con artist was being thorough with his plans. The stallion slunk into Barnyard Bargains, keeping his body low. As much as he loved toying with Filthy Rich, this wasn’t going fast enough. He needed to take matters into his own hooves.

Every business owner had a secret; Flam knew that for a fact. The real question was, where was Filthy Rich hiding it? Whatever it was, it couldn’t be at his house. Filthy wouldn’t have invited Flam over so eagerly. The next natural step was his business.

Flam scanned the aisles, looking for something, anything, that stood out. To his dismay, everything looked normal. But Flam knew better than to give up so easily.

There had to be something here for grabs. Filthy had to have something secret in his shop; all good business owners did. Sometimes it was obvious; sometimes it wasn’t. Flam just had to figure out what it was.

Flam’s eyes landed on an old dresser. It looked intricately carved from oak, most definitely by hoof. If Filthy Rich had any secrets, it was most definitely related to that dresser. It stood out like a sore hoof amongst the modern decor.

Flam rubbed his hooves across the side, inspecting it closely. The wood was smooth yet bumpy, leaving Flam with a tickling sensation. The unicorn pressed his face against the wall, squinting into the crack between the dresser.

“Nothing,” Flam grunted. His suspicions of a door behind the dresser were false. His gaze lowered to the bottom of the dresser. There was a gap between the floor and the bottom shelf. Something had to be there; Flam felt it in his bones.

Flam crouched down, shoving his head under a dresser. Maybe there was a secret hatch under it. He ran his hooves across the floor, feeling for a door or a top-secret file. Something had to be down there.

“Flam?” A familiar voice called.

“Filthy!” Flam shrieked, lurching upwards. His cranium slammed onto the shelf above, the contents spilling off. His legs splayed out under him, collapsing to the floor.

Flam scooted from under the shelf, ignoring his throbbing migraine. He popped up, a nervous smile plastered on his face. Filthy stared at Flam as if he had lost his mind.

“I wanted to surprise you at work, so I’m here.” Flam nervously chuckled, levitating the fallen items to the shelf. Filthy Rich cocked his head.

“...Under a dresser?” Filthy asked.

“I just thought this dresser looked so…interesting.”

Filthy Rich squinted at Flam, only for it to be quickly replaced with a smile.

“Oh, well, that’s my great-grandfather's dresser. He made it for-”

Flam quickly drowned out the blabbing businessman. He was lucky this guy loved talking about himself, or he’d be in some real trouble.

“Now, I know you didn’t come here to see me laze around.” Filthy Rich said, snapping Flam’s attention back to him. “Let me show you some real showmanship.”

Flam rolled his eyes. Filthy Rich might be charming, but Flam doubted he was that good. From what he had seen before, Filthy was nothing but a dimwitted airhead. While it was fun to watch, Flam highly doubted it would get him anywhere. Hell, Flam doubted that he would be able to sell water to a fish if his life depended on it!

“She looks like she needs help.” Filthy Rich said, pointing across the store. Flam’s eyes followed where he was pointing.

Diamond Tiara sat at the counter, pencil in mouth. Upon closer inspection, it looked like she was doing her homework. In front of the counter was an anxious-looking mare. She shuffled on her hooves, looking around the store.

“Excuse me, do you work here?” The red-maned mare asked. Diamond Tiara gave the mare a deadpanned look.

“Lady, I’m 10.”

“Watch this, dear.” Filthy whispered. Filthy Rich trotted to the mare, giving her an award-winning smile.

“Roseluck! To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you here?”

“Oh, well, this is so embarrassing, but-” Roseluck started, “I have a date this Friday, and I really like this stallion. I’m trying to find something to make me stand out.” She admitted bashfully. “Something like…emerald?” She squeaked.

Filthy Rich hummed, rubbing his chin. He eyed Roseluck carefully.
“Emerald is nice, but you know what you really need? A ruby necklace!” He suggested.

“Ruby? I came here for emerald!” Roselucks huffed. “It matches my eyes.” She stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Yes, but it would really bring out your mane.”

Filthy popped open the jewelry case, pulling out a shimmering necklace. The chain was gold, practically glowing in the light. In the middle was a large ruby. Too large, in Flam’s opinion. If anyone wore that, it would look like they had a target painted on their chest.

“It wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.” He offered. Roseluck reluctantly took the necklace, draping it across her neck. She looked in the mirror, cautiously admiring the jewelry.

“Now, doesn’t that look dashing?” Filthy Rich complimented.

Flam had to disagree. The red blended in too much with her mane. And the gold chain nearly fused with her coat. Anyone with working eyes could see that. Roseluck frowned, caressing her cheek.

“I don’t know…”

Filthy Rich’s smile faltered a bit. His hind left hoof tapped on the floor. Two taps, pause, then three more. Flam squinted at the action. Was that a signal or just a nervous tick? Whatever it was, Diamond Tiara noticed.

She hopped from her seat, skipping to Roseluck. Diamond Tiara tugged at the mare's tail, giving the mare doe eyes.

“Gee, Miss, you’re absolutely beautiful.” Diamond Tiara gushed.

“Really?” Roseluck blushed. Diamond Tiara nodded, making her eyes bigger.

“Uh-huh! If my daddy was still single, I’d want you to be my new mommy. You’re just so pretty.”

Roseluck giggled, her cheeks burning red.

“Oh, well, aren’t you such a sweet thing!” She chortled. Roseluck looked back at the mirror, a goofy grin on her face.

She shifted the necklace around, checking the price tag. Roseluck’s eyes boggled out of her head, and she snatched the necklace off. Roseluck held it between her hooves as if it were the plague, her muzzle scrunched in terror.

“I would love to get this, but this is way out of my price range.”

Filthy Rich dismissively waved his hoof.

“There’s no need to worry about all of that.” Filthy reassured. He reached behind the counter, pulling out a stack of papers. It was so thick that Flam almost thought it was a novel. “If you sign this contract, you only have to make a few small, monthly payments.”

Roseluck squinted at the contract. She stifled a gasp, her legs nearly giving out from under her.

“250 bits a month for 17 years? Isn’t that a bit steep?”

“It may seem like much now, but think about the future. What would that stallion you mentioned think?”

Roseluck looked in the distance, presumably thinking about said stallion.

“It wouldn’t hurt to treat myself just this once.” She giggled.

“Wonderful! Bring this over to customer service. You’ll get help over there.” Filthy Rich explained, jutting the oversized control to Roseluck.

“Thank you for the help, Filthy Rich!” Roseluck squealed.

“It’s no problem. And please, just call me Mr. Rich.” Filthy Rich turned to Flam, a smug smile plastered on his face.

“And that’s how it’s done.”

Flam stared at Filthy Rich, his eyes wide. He scammed the pants off that mare! If Flam didn’t know any better, he’d think he were a professional con artist! The poise, the manipulation. It was just…perfect!

Filthy Rich turned his attention to his daughter.

“Little Miss Tiara, you were great, as usual.” Filthy Rich complimented. Diamond Tiara puffed up her chest in pride. “But you pushed it too far with the ‘mommy talk.’” He critiqued. “I have to cut your pay for that.”

Diamond Tiara let out a long-drawn, exasperated groan, throwing her head back.

“First, you want me to be cute, then you don’t. Pick a lane!” Diamond Tiara huffed, stomping away. Filthy Rich chuckled, shaking his head.

“Kids. You know how they are.”

Flam only hummed in response. How was he meant to respond when he just witnessed the perfect con?!

“You’re amazing.” was all Flam could utter. He pursed his lips. He didn’t mean to say that. To his surprise, Filthy only laughed.

“I know I am.” Filthy responded with an overconfident grin. “Now, if you excuse me, I have business to attend to.”

Filthy Rich pressed a wet kiss against his cheek, followed by a loud ‘mwwwwah!’ Though the kiss was dripping and unappealing, it gave Flam butterflies in his stomach.

“I’ll see you later, dear.” Filthy Rich happily sauntered away.

Flam shakily put his hoof to where Filthy kissed. His heart rattled in his chest, and his face flushed red. Oh no.