Chapters Welcome To The Panic Room
The streets of Ponyville were always empty this time of night, or, well, they were supposed to be. No pony knows when exactly he came and even fewer know when he'll leave, I call him Shadow Mane, if only so the guards working to catch him know who they're talking about. Perhaps it would have been better if I had never known it, innocence is bliss after all.
I will never forget that night, even if I fail to clearly remember it. The way his mouth explored mine, the rough cobblestone pressed into my back, the fear. I lost something that night in that dark alley and gained something too. I'll never get it back, I'll never be rid of it either.
"Such a delicate flower. Weep, flower. Weep for your Angel."
I'll never be whole again.
"Weep for your Death."
Welcome To The Panic Room
I woke up, Flame Flare sleeping in a nearby armchair. I rubbed my eyes. It was a fitful night of sleep but enough to manage through the day. I got up, walked downstairs into the kitchen deciding to let Flame sleep a little longer, and dished up some honey nut oats, leaving the box out for my friend for when she was ready to dish up her own bowl.
I didn’t have to wait very long, no longer than ten minutes or so before I heard her footsteps coming down the stairs, a sleepy dragon rubbing her eyes.
“Morning, Flare,” I greeted. Flame waved her hand in return before grabbing the box of honey nut oats and pouring some into a bowl.
“How’d you sleep last night?” she asked.
I shrugged in reply.
“That good, huh?” she chuckled.
“I kept waking up a bunch.”
Flame stared at me in concern. “About… you-know-what?”
I nodded my head. I knew she was trying her best to avoid making my situation worse, but it still stung a bit.
We just sat in silence for a moment, the only sound being our bowls clinking from the spoons.
“Script,”
“Hmm?”
“Maybe… you should talk to the others about this?” she asked. “I don’t know how to help with this kind of thing that much.”
I just shook my head. “Nopony would understand…” I muttered.
Flame let out a sigh. “Lilly already has her assumption about what’s happened, Script.”
“She does…?”
“She’s not a writer for nothing, she does her research.”
I let out a soft chuckle. “Was it that obvious…?”
“To her, it was. Ellie still doesn’t know, she just told me what was going on with you. She said she wants to talk to you, when you’re ready of course.”
I let out a sigh in defeat. “Alright, I’ll talk to Lilly…”
I walked through town to my friend Lilly’s house, Flame Flare walking beside me. I was extremely skittish since it was not too far from the alleyway, but I knew nopony would mess with Flame. She was a dragon after all, sure she was shy, but when it came to protecting her friends, she’d put up a fight.
I jumped when I heard the sound of laughter. My head jolted toward the sound, finding some foals running around playing a game of tag. Flame gently put her claw on my shoulder, causing me to become startled once more.
“Sorry!” she panicked. “I shouldn’t have done that, I just don’t want you to be so afraid.”
“No, it’s okay.” I sighed. “It’s not your fault…”
Once we had approached the house, I knocked on the door, staring at the ground, unable to look at Lily once the door opened.
“Hey, Script,” she said with a soft voice. “Come on in.”
I slowly walked inside, still staring at the ground, taking a seat on the sofa, Flame sitting beside me and Lilly on an armchair. I just sat there silent for a few minutes.
“Script,” Lilly began. “I know this is hard for you. I’m not going to force you to talk about the incident, but I’m here to listen to what you have to say.”
I kept staring at the ground, trying to process my words, find something to say.
“There’s no rush, just take your time.”
I couldn’t hold it in anymore. My eyes welled up with tears as my walls came crashing down. Flame just gently rubbed my back, trying to provide some form of comfort.
“It’s all my fault…” I whimpered. “Why was I so stupid…?”
“Script, this was not your fault,” she said. “You’re not alone in this, this can happen to anypony.”
“But it is!” I cried. “It’s my fault that I chose to go through the alley late at night…”
“I hear you, and I know a lot of emotions are going through your mind right now, but please believe me when I say it’s not your fault.” She gently placed a hoof on my shoulder, a soft smile on her face. “You’re not alone in this Script, there are other ponies who have gone through something similar, you can seek help.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want help…”
“Nopony can force you, but just know the option is there, okay?”
I nodded my head.
“Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?”
I got up from the sofa. “No, I just feel like I need some time alone…”
“Alright, we’ll give you some space, just know that we’re here for you if you need anypony, alright?”
"Thank you," I said with a small nod as I slowly backed away before walking out of Lilly's home and into the open. Flame stayed behind as Lilly had given me some much-needed space. The cool, fresh air hit me, and for a brief moment, I could feel my breath becoming less ragged as I began my walk home, each step feeling a little easier than the last.
As I walked home, I tried to calm my racing thoughts. The sky was overcast, the gray clouds reflecting my mood. I passed by the park, where ponies were going about their day, completely unaware of what I had just gone through. The memory of the alleyway incident kept replaying in my mind, and I found myself hyperventilating as I walked faster, wanting to get home as soon as possible. "Script?"
I jumped, startled at the sudden name-calling.
I turned to see a familiar face, Flame Flare. She looked at me with concern, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked.
I just stared at them, my mouth opening and closing as I tried to form words.
"Maybe I should get Lily?"
"No!" I panicked, shaking my head.
I walked back home with Flame Flare. She walked silently beside me, allowing me to process my thoughts and emotions. I appreciated her presence, even if we weren't talking. It was a relief to be away from the prying eyes and gossip of Ponyville, at least for the moment. I felt raw and exposed after baring my soul to Lilly, and I needed time to lick my wounds in private.
I walked through the front door of my house, feeling utterly exhausted. The emotional toll of the day had taken its toll on me, and all I wanted was to curl up in bed and sleep for days.
"Hey, are you alright?" Flame asked as she followed me inside. I just shook my head, not trusting myself to speak without breaking down again. I walked over to the sofa and collapsed onto it, burying my face in my hooves.
Flame walked over and gently sat beside me, her claw resting lightly on my back. "It's okay to feel this way, you know. You don't have to be strong all the time." She spoke softly, her words comforting despite the ache in my chest. "You can lean on me, or on Lily, or even talk to a professional if you want. We're here for you, no matter what."
She fell silent, letting me process her words. After a long moment, I lifted my face from my hooves, tears still staining my face. I looked at her, feeling so many emotions I could barely speak.
"I... I don't know what to do," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I feel so broken, like I can never be the same again."
Flame's eyes softened with compassion. "That's okay, Script." she smiled. "I know you feel broken right now, and that's understandable. What happened to you... it's something no one should ever have to go through." Flame's voice was gentle, and she kept rubbing my back with her claw in slow, soothing motions.
"But I want you to know that no matter how broken you feel, you're still the same pony we all know and love. A little battered, maybe, but still with the same strength and spirit."
I got up from the couch, staring at the floor. "I think I just want to be alone right now, Flare..." I mumble. "It's nothing against you, I just need some time..."
She nods, understanding in her eyes. "Of course, Script. I completely understand. Take all the time you need. I'll be here when you're ready to talk, or if you just need someone to be with you in silence." She stood up, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze before stepping back. "Remember, you're not alone in this. Even when you're by yourself, know that Lily and I are just a shout away." I only stared at the ground as she walked out the door.
I was alone in my house, and for a moment the world was quiet, but my anxiety began to creep up again. The panic attack hit hard and fast - my heart raced, my chest constricted, and I broke out in a cold sweat.
I stumbled towards the bathroom, trying to make it there before I completely fell apart. I managed to reach the toilet just in time, my stomach heaving violently as I retched. Tears streamed down my face as my body convulsed, the panic attack taking hold with a crushing intensity. When it finally subsided, I collapsed on the bathroom floor, feeling completely drained and hopeless. The pain and fear still lingered in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
I lay on the bathroom floor for what felt like hours, my body aching and my mind reeling. The panic attack had left me utterly spent, both physically and emotionally. I knew I should get up, but the thought of moving felt like an insurmountable task. I just wanted to stay right there on the cold tile, where the world couldn't touch me. As I lay there, my mind drifted to the events of the day.
As I lay there, my mind drifted to the events of the day. The alleyway incident played out in my mind like a sickening movie reel. The stallion's grip on my mane, the rough touch of his hooves, the way he forced me down... I shuddered, trying to push the memories away. But they were there, etched into my mind, a constant reminder of what had been done to me.
"What could I have done to prevent all of this?" I thought aloud.
I suddenly hear the front door creak open. My heart jumps, and I freeze, listening intently. Footsteps echo through the house, and I realize it's not Flare or Lilly. It's someone else. I slowly lift my head, my ears perked up, ready to bolt if necessary. The footsteps stop outside the bathroom door, and I can see the shadow of hooves through the crack underneath the door. "Script?"
The shadow shifts, and there's a gentle knock on the door. "Script, it's me. Are you alright?" It's Flame Flare's voice, sounding concerned. I exhale, realizing it's just her. I slowly push myself up, my legs shaking as I stand. I walk over to the door and open it, revealing Flame standing there with a look of worry on her face.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she says softly.
I stared up at her, my expression vacant. "No, no it's fine." My voice came out as barely more than a whisper.
I blinked slowly, as if coming back to reality from a haze. Flare furrowed her brow, glancing over me with clear concern.
"Lily asked me to check on you, I know you said you needed space, but..."
"I know. I'm sorry," I interrupted her, my voice still soft but steadier. "I didn't mean to make you worry." I stepped back into the bathroom, gesturing for her to follow. "Let's take this to the living room."
She nodded slowly as my gaze dropping to the floor. I turned to head back to the living room. I could feel Flame's eyes on me as I walked, and I knew she was probably concerned about my state. I collapsed onto the couch, sinking into the cushions with a heavy sigh. Flame followed behind me, her hooves padding softly against the hardwood floor.
She sat down beside me, her body language relaxed but attentive. "So, I was talking with Lily..." she began. "She says she wants me to move in for a while."
The air in the living room felt still and heavy with unspoken anxiety. I lifted my head slowly, meeting her gaze. My heart pounded in my chest, and my mouth felt dry.
"To... to do what?" I asked, trying to keep the quiver from my voice. She gently touched my back, her scales rough against my fur.
"To help watch over you and make sure you're safe and comfortable." Flame spoke quietly and clearly.
I stared at her, my eyes wide. "I don't need watching over," I said, my voice coming out harsher than I intended. I immediately felt guilty, knowing she meant well. I sighed and rubbed my face with my hooves. "I'm sorry, Flare. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just... I don't want to feel like I'm being smothered right now."
Flame nodded, understanding in her eyes. "I know, and I understand that. But Lily and I are worried about you. We just want to make sure you're safe and have support." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "We both care about you, and we want to be here for you."
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. The thought of someone always around, even if it was my friends, felt suffocating. But I also knew they were just trying to help.
"I..."
I hesitated, my words catching in my throat. "I appreciate the concern, I really do. But I don't think I can handle having someone around all the time right now. It's not that I don't trust you or Lily, it's just... I need some space to process everything on my own terms."
Flame listened intently, her expression soft and understanding. "I get it, Script. I do. But how about we do this, I'll come check on you every so often for the next month or so, sound good?" she asked.
I nod slowly, considering her offer. "Alright, that sounds fair. Thank you, Flare." I give her a small smile, grateful for her understanding.
She smiles back, her eyes warm. "Good. Now, how about we do something to take your mind off things? Want to watch a movie or something?"
I shake my head. "No, not really. I think I just need some rest."
Flame nods.
"Alright, I understand. I'll leave you to it then. But remember, I'm here if you need anything, okay?" Flame said softly, her voice filled with genuine concern. She stood up from the couch, her orange scales shimmering in the dim light of the living room.
I nodded, my gaze still fixed on the floor. "Thank you, Flare. I appreciate it more than you know."
Flame gently patted my back before walking towards the front door. "Take care of yourself, Script. I'll be back tomorrow to check on you."
As the door clicked shut behind her, I sank further into the couch, overwhelmed by the weight of the past few days. I closed my eyes, trying to push away the unwanted thoughts and emotions threatening to overwhelm me.
I felt my eyes grow heavy as my body gave in to the exhaustion.
Welcome To The Panic Room
Author's Note
Warning!
This chapter gets pretty dark, you may skip it if you wish.
Angel of Darkness
I open my eyes, finding nothing but darkness around me.
Where am I? I wondered.
I heard an echoing chuckle around me. I turned around frantically, trying to find the source, but to no avail.“W-who’s there?” I whimpered.
I saw something appear before me. I stared at the form, their coat a dark color and their mane a cut-up mess.
“Who are you…?”
The shadow chuckled. “I am what’s left of the memory,”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, I think you know…”
The shadow-like creature phased through me, flashing images coming through my mind. I shut my eyes tight as I shuddered, remembering him.
“How do you know about that…?” I asked.
The shadow creature chuckled. “I was created by the memory of him,” it explained. “I am what’s left of the memory from that night, from that stallion.”
I watched the shadow form into the stallion, the face distorted and blurred out, only showing a menacing grin.
I turned away, running as fast as my hooves would take me. The shadow only chuckled and appeared in front of me. I stopped, letting out a scream at the sudden appearance of the creature.
“There’s no escape from me, little flower .”
Another shock sent a shiver down my spine, remembering the memory of that stallion.
“Don’t you remember?”
I stood frozen in place, the memories flooding back with every word. The shadowy figure stepped closer, its form shifting and writhing as it approached.
"You remember his touch, don't you? The way he held you down, forced himself on you..." The shadow's words were a low, menacing growl, dripping with malice. I felt sick, my legs shaking as the memories intensified.
I shuddered, squeezing my eyes shut as the horrible memories flooded my mind. The shadow's words echoed in my head, each one a fresh wound. I could feel the phantom touch of his hooves on my body, the rough texture of his coat as he pinned me down. The way he forced himself inside me, ignoring my cries and pleas. I could still smell the musky scent of him, feel the hot breath on my neck as he grunted and thrusted.
"Please, make it stop..." I whimper as tears stream down my face."
The shadowy figure loomed over me, its distorted features twisting into a cruel smirk. "Stop? But we're just getting started, little flower. You can't escape this memory, no matter how much you want to." I shuddered, curling in on myself as the horrible flashbacks continued to assault my mind. The shadow's words were like a knife, twisting in the open wounds of my past.
The shadowy figure crouched down, bringing its face close to mine. Its breath was hot and fetid, carrying the stench of decay and old sweat.
"Don't you remember how good it felt?" it hissed, its hooves gently tracing my cheek. "The way your body betrayed you, responding to his touch even as your mind screamed for it to stop?"
I tried to pull away, but the shadow's grip on my chin was firm. "Let me go!" I screamed, my voice cracking with desperation.
The shadow only chuckled, its grip tightening. "You can't escape this, little flower. You're trapped in this memory forever."
The shadow's form began to shift and morph, becoming more solid and defined. I could see the outline of a stallion's body, his muscular frame and powerful legs. His face was still blurred, but his eyes glowed with an intense, predatory light.
The shadowy stallion loomed over me, his presence heavy and oppressive. I could feel the heat radiating off his body, the rough texture of his coat brushing against my skin. His hoof traced a slow, deliberate path down my cheek, over my jaw, and along the curve of my neck. I shuddered at the touch, my skin crawling with revulsion even as my body responded, muscles tensing and nerves firing.
"Shhh, little one." His voice was a low, menacing purr. "There's no need to fight it. You know you want this, just like before."
I shook my head frantically, tears streaming down my face. "No, please! I don't want this!" But even as I protested, I could feel my body betraying me. My heart raced, pounding against my ribcage. My breathing grew shallow and rapid.
I felt my body begin to respond to the touch, my traitorous body remembering the sensations all too well. The shadow stallion's hoof continued its path, tracing my collarbone and the curve of my shoulder. I tried to squirm away, but his other hoof pressed firmly against my back, pinning me in place.
"See, little one? Your body knows the truth, even if your mind is fighting it."
I gritted my teeth, trying to force my body to still, to ignore the unwanted sensations. "It's a lie," I spat, my voice shaking. "You're a lie, all of this is a lie. I don't want this. I never wanted this." The shadow stallion chuckled, a dark sound that sent a shiver down my spine. "You can't deny the truth, little flower."
The shadowy stallion's hoof continued its torturous path, skimming over my skin with deliberate slowness. I could feel every brush of his touch, every minute movement of his hoof as he explored my body. My mind screamed in revulsion, but my body shuddered with unwanted arousal.
"Stop fighting it," the stallion growled, his voice low and menacing. "You know you can't resist. Your body remembers the pleasure I gave you."
I let out a strangled sob, tears streaming down my face as I tried to shrink away from his touch. But there was nowhere to go, no escape from the oppressive weight of this memory.
"Pleasure? You mean the way you forced yourself on me, taking what you wanted without regard for my wants or needs? You call that pleasure?" My voice was raw, cracking with anguish as the words spilled out of me.
The shadow stallion's chuckle was cold and cruel, his hoof continuing its torturous exploration of my body. "Oh, but you did enjoy it, didn't you? Your body certainly did."
I felt my muscles tense as I tried to hold back the involuntary reactions to his touch. My skin crawled with revulsion, but beneath it all, I could feel the unwanted arousal growing.
The shadow stallion's presence was suffocating, his massive form blocking out everything around me. I could feel his hot breath on my neck as he leaned down, his hooves still tracing patterns on my skin.
"You can't hide from this, little one. Your body knows the truth, even if your mind refuses to accept it."
I tried to squirm away, but his grip only tightened. "No! You're wrong! I didn't enjoy it!"
I screamed, my voice hoarse and ragged. The shadow stallion only laughed, a cold, cruel sound that sent a shiver down my spine. His hoof continued its torturous path, skimming over my skin with deliberate slowness.
I could feel every brush of his touch, every minute movement of his hoof as he explored my body. My mind screamed in revulsion, but my body shuddered with unwanted arousal. "You can't deny the truth, little flower."
I felt his hoof slide down closer to my-
I wake up screaming, my body drenched in sweat and my heart pounding. I'm in my bedroom, the morning light filtering through the curtains. The nightmarish memories of the shadow stallion and the horrific flashbacks still linger, fresh and raw. I clutch my pillow tightly, trying to steady my breathing as I process what just happened. "It was just a dream," I whispered aloud.
I sit up slowly, rubbing my temples as I try to shake off the lingering horror of the nightmare. The memories of the abuse feel so vivid, so real, even in the light of day. I take a deep breath, trying to center myself.
"It was just a dream," I tell myself again, but the words feel hollow. The emotions, the sensations, the sheer terror of it all still cling to me like a second skin.
I slowly swing my legs out of bed and stand up on shaky knees. My mind is still reeling from the vivid nightmare that felt so shockingly real. I stumble to the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face, trying to ground myself in the here and now. As I catch my reflection in the mirror, my eyes are wild and haunted, my skin deathly pale. I take several deep breaths, trying to steady my racing heart.
That's when I see the shadow-like figure again. I let out another scream, falling backwards.
I hit the floor hard, my head bonking against the tile. Stars burst across my vision as pain lanced through my skull. I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my sight, but the shadowy figure remained, looming over me with a sinister grin.
"You can't escape me, little one," it rasped, its voice echoing in my mind. "I'm a part of you now, forever."
I blink, the reflection fading away and my head clears. I'm alone in the bathroom, lying on the cold tile floor.
The impact must have been worse than I initially thought - there's a sharp, throbbing pain in the back of my head where it hit the ground. I can taste copper in my mouth, and I realize I must have bitten my tongue in my fall. I push myself up slowly, feeling dizzy and nauseous.
My head spins as I grip the edge of the sink, steadying myself. The memory of the shadowy figure still haunts me, and I can't shake the feeling that I'm not truly alone. I splash more cold water on my face, trying to ground myself in the present.
My hoof trembles slightly as I turn off the faucet. The image of the shadow figure in the mirror replays in my mind, but I push it aside.
Welcome To The Panic Room
I lay awake in bed, thoughts preventing me from sleep. My mind just wouldn't let the question go; "What could I have done to prevent all of this?"
I toss and turn, the sheets twisting around my legs as I try to find a comfortable position. But comfort is elusive, just like the answers I seek. I close my eyes, attempting to will myself to sleep, but the images of that fateful day keep flashing through my mind. I hear my screams and my cries for help. I feel the heat of his body, pressing against my skin. I taste the metallic tang of fear at the back of my throat.
Hours pass in this state of restless agitation, my mind refusing to let go of the memory. Finally, exhausted both physically and mentally, I drift into an uneasy sleep, only to be jolted awake by a vivid nightmare.
My heart pounds as I jerk upright in bed, sweat soaking my sheets. The nightmarish scene replays in my mind, but I can not remember it fully. Dawn breaks, painting the sky a pale gray through my window.
I drag myself out of bed, my body aching from the restless night. I stumble to the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face in an attempt to wash away the lingering effects of the nightmare. As I dry off with a towel, I catch my reflection in the mirror. Dark circles rim my eyes, and my skin looks pallid and drawn. The stress of the past few days is clearly etched on my face.
I stumble down the stairs into the kitchen, my movements sluggish and uncoordinated. I open the fridge as I prepare to make some hot cider. I fumble with the mug on the counter, spilling some of the juice on the counter as pour it into the mug. The rich aroma fills the air as the machine gurgles and hisses, but it does little to lift my spirits. I lean against the counter, cradling the warm mug in my hands as I stare blankly out the window.
The world outside seems muted, as if the colors have been drained away. A light drizzle falls, the droplets catching the early morning light and creating a shimmering curtain of gray. I take a sip of the hot coffee, but it fails to provide the comfort I seek. My mind drifts back to that day, the word "why" repeating endlessly.
I set the mug down on the counter, the clatter breaking the silence. The coffee inside sloshes gently, the surface rippling like the calm before a storm. I rub my temples, trying to massage away the ache that's been building since I woke up. I glance at the clock on the wall. It's early, but I can't stand the thought of being alone with my thoughts any longer.
I decide to head to the Sugar Cube Corner, hoping the change of scenery will help clear my mind. I grab my jacket before I walk out the door, locking it behind me. The air outside is chilly and damp, matching my mood. I make my way down the path of Ponyville, my hoofsteps echoing softly on the wet pavement. Sugar Cube Corner is a few blocks away, and I welcome the chance to be among people, even if I don't feel like interacting much.
As I approach the bakery, the bell above the door chimes softly as I push it open. The warmth from inside wraps around me like a blanket, a stark contrast to the chilly dampness outside. I scan the room, finding it mostly empty at this hour. Only a few patrons sit scattered about, nursing their cups of coffee and hot chocolate. I make my way to the counter, where a familiar face greets me with a warm smile.
"Morning, Script," Pinkie Pie says, her voice cheerful despite the early hour. "The usual?" I nod, sliding onto one of the stools. "Thanks, Pinkie." She turns to the display case, setting to work on my order. I watch her move, grateful for the distraction.
As I sit at the counter, my mind continues to replay that fateful day. It all comes rushing back. I try to push it away, focusing on the mundane tasks around me, but it's like trying to hold back a tidal wave with a paper dam. Pinkie Pie sets my order down in front of me, and I take a bite, hoping the familiar taste will ground me in the present, but it fails to provide the comfort I seek.
My mind drifts back to that day, the word "why" repeating endlessly. I set the cupcake in my hooves, Pinkie Pie looking at me with concern in her eyes. "You alright, Script?" she asks.
I force a smile, not wanting to burden Pinkie with my troubles. "I'm fine, really. Just didn't sleep well last night." I take another bite of my breakfast, hoping to change the subject. "How have you been? Keeping busy with everything?"
Pinkie shrugs, leaning against the counter. "Oh, you know how it is. Never a dull moment, that's for sure." She pauses, studying my face.
I force a chuckle at Pinkie Pie’s response, hoping it sounds convincing. I take another bite of the cupcake, trying to focus on the rich, smooth taste. I know Pinkie sees right through me, her perceptive blue eyes picking up on the fatigue and unease in my demeanor, but I can't bring myself to unload the heavy weight I'm carrying.
"Say, Script..."
Applejack's voice trails off, and she leans in slightly, her brow furrowing with concern. "You sure you're alright? You look... well, you look like you've seen a ghost or something." Her hooves rest on the counter, and she gives me a searching look.
I fidget with the sleeve of my jacket, avoiding her gaze. "I'm fine, really. Just a little tired."
"Okay, if you say so. I'm here if you ever want to talk, though," Pinkie offers with a gentle smile. She leans back, glancing at the empty building. "It's been pretty quiet today. Slow morning, I guess."
I nod, taking a bite. "Yeah, it's early." I glance around the café as well, noting the lack of patrons.
"Yeah, usually a little busier around this time on a weekday morning, but I guess the rain kept most ponies at home." Pinkie shrugs.
I finish my cupcakes, thanking Pinkie Pie as I leave a few bits in the tip jar and walk out of Sugar Cube Corner.
The chill morning air greets me once more as I step out of the building. The drizzle continues, the drops pattering softly against the pavement. I pull my hood up, trying to shield myself from the elements. I take a deep breath, the damp air filling my lungs. As I exhale, a faint cloud of condensation escapes my mouth, quickly dissipating in the cool air.
I walk down the familiar streets of Ponyville, my hooves splashing in the puddles formed by the persistent drizzle. The town is still mostly quiet, the early morning hours keeping most ponies indoors.
As I round a corner, I see a familiar figure standing under the awning of Sweet Apple Acres' stand at the market. Applejack is there, leaning on the frame of the market stand hunched over as she waits out the rain. she looks up as I approach, her eyes meeting mine. "Mornin', Script," she greets me.
"Morning, Applejack," I respond, my voice barely above a whisper. Applejack raises an eyebrow, her gaze sharpening as he takes in my disheveled appearance and the dark circles under my eyes.
"You alright, Script?" she asks, her voice tinged with concern.
I shake my head slightly, trying to wave off her worry. "Just... just a rough night. Nothing to worry about." I force a smile, but it feels weak and unconvincing even to me.
Applejack’s brow furrows, and she shifts her weight. "Well, if you say so. But you know where to find me if you need anything, right?" her voice is gentle, almost motherly.
I nod, appreciating his concern even as I struggle to maintain my composure. "Thanks, Applejack."
I turn to leave, but before I can take more than a few steps, I hear Applejack call out again.
"Oh, and Script?" I pause, looking back at her. "Don't be a stranger, alright? We all care about you." Her words are sincere, and for a moment, I feel a pang of guilt for not being able to confide in her.
I nod, managing a small smile this time. "I won't, AJ. Thanks."
I walk away from Applejack, my heart heavy with the weight of her concern. I know she means well, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm letting everyone down by not being able to open up about what happened.
I turn down another street, the rain still falling steadily, creating a symphony of drips and drops all around me. As I walk, I can't help but let my mind wander back to that day.
The memory is vivid, despite my attempts to push it away. I remember the cool air, the dim lighting, and the sound of my own quickened breathing. I can still feel the weight of his hooves on my body, the rough texture of his coat against my skin, and the overwhelming feeling of helplessness that washed over me. I shake my head, trying to dispel the memory, but it clings to me like a second skin.
I quicken my pace, trying to outrun the memory, but it's no use. The image of his leering distorted face is burned into my mind, and I can feel the ghost of his touch, like a phantom limb. I feel a wave of nausea rise up in me, and I stumble, almost losing my footing. I catch myself on a nearby lamppost, my breath coming in short gasps.
As I steady myself against the lamppost, I feel the rain intensify, the cold drops now mixed with a heavier downpour. I look up, watching as the water runs in rivulets down my face, mixing with the tears I didn't realize I'd shed. The rain seems to intensify my anguish, as if the sky itself is mourning my pain. I let out a shuddering breath, my shoulders sagging under the weight of my burden.
"Why couldn't I have just made it stop, done something!"
I stand there, the rain pelting down on me, my tears mingling with the cold water. The anguish in my heart feels overwhelming, like a physical weight pressing down on my chest. I can't seem to catch my breath, and I lean heavily against the lamppost, my hooves slipping on the slick surface.
"Why did this happen to me? Why couldn't I have stopped him?"
I can't help but feel a sense of guilt and shame wash over me as I relive the memory of that fateful day. The feeling of helplessness, the weight of his hooves on my body, the rough texture of his coat against my skin - it's all so vivid, so real, even now. I can still hear the sound of my own quickened breathing, the pounding of my heart in my ears as I struggled against him.
The rain continues to pour down, and I find myself standing there, drenched and shivering, not just from the cold but from the overwhelming emotions. My mind races, replaying every moment of that day, searching for some way I could have prevented it, some way I could have fought back harder. I can't help but feel a profound sense of failure, of having let myself and everyone who cared about me down.
I let out an anguished scream as my hooves began to take over me. I galloped as fast as I could back toward my house.
I burst through the front door, my breathing ragged and panicked. My hooves are shaking as I slam the door shut and slide down it, my legs giving out beneath me. Tears stream down my face, my body wracked with sobs. I can't seem to catch my breath, and the walls of the room seem to be closing in around me. My heart pounds in my chest, so loud it drowns out everything else.
I sit on the floor, my back pressed against the door, and try to calm my breathing. But every time I close my eyes, I see his face, feel his touch, hear his voice. A shudder runs through me, and I bury my face in my hooves, trying to block out the memories. But they're always there, lurking just beneath the surface, ready to ambush me at any moment.
I sobbed into my hooves, I sat there on the floor, my back pressed against the door, for what felt like hours. The sobs eventually subsided into quiet, hiccupping breaths, but the anguish remained, a heavy weight in my chest. I lifted my head, my vision blurred with tears, and looked around the room. It was my sanctuary, my safe space, but it felt hollow now, devoid of comfort.
A sudden knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts.
My body stiffens at the unexpected sound. Who could be knocking on my door? The person outside speaks up. "Hey Script, it's Applejack! I just wanted to check if you got home safe." The concern in her words is unmistakable. For a moment, I'm torn - do I want to open up, or keep everyone at bay? But before I can decide, another, more urgent matter comes to the fore: the intense pressure building up inside me.
I stumble to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. The nausea overwhelms me, and I retch violently into the toilet. I heave until there's nothing left in my stomach, my body wracked with dry heaves. Tears stream down my face, mixing with the sweat from the intense nausea. I feel weak and dizzy, and I have to grip the edges of the toilet to keep myself from falling over.
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hoof and flush the toilet, trying to steady my breathing. I hear Applejack's concerned voice coming through the bathroom door,
"Script, you okay in there?" I try to call out to reassure her, but my voice comes out hoarse and shaky, "Y-Yeah...I'm...I'm okay."
"Okay, sugar cube, if you're sure," Applejack says through the door. I can hear the uncertainty in her voice, and I know she doesn't fully believe me. But what else can she do? She can't exactly bust down the door and come to my aid if I say I'm okay.
I stumble over to the sink, running the cold water and splashing it on my face. The cool water helps to calm my nerves slightly, but I can't escape the feeling that I'm suffocating. I look at my reflection in the mirror, and I see a pony I barely recognize.
My eyes are red and puffy from crying, my mane is disheveled, and there's a haunted look in my eyes that wasn't there before. I splash more water on my face, trying to wash away the memory of what happened, but it's no use.
The memory is etched into my mind, and no amount of water or time can erase it. "It's all my fault..." I sobbed.
Author's Note
Figured why not post the next chapter? It's mostly edited anyway, so I might come back and polish it up later. Might post more chapters soon.
Welcome To The Panic Room
I sat at the counter of my kitchen, poking a bowl of honey nut oats with a spoon, when I suddenly hear a knock at my door. I get up, walk over and answer to find my friend Ellie on my porch. "Hey, Script!" she said with a smile. "You ready for Tuesday morning brunch?"
I force a smile, trying to hide my unease. "Hey, Ellie. I'm actually not feeling up for it today, sorry."
Ellie frowns in concern. "Oh no, you don't sound like yourself, Script. Come on, what's going on?"
I fidget with my hoof, glancing away. "Nah, nothing! I just... didn't sleep very well last night..."
Ellie steps closer, her face set in a look of genuine concern. "Hey, that's okay. We all have bad nights sometimes. But you know you can talk to me, right?" She gently touches my shoulder, and I flinch away instinctively. Ellie's face falls.
"Script... what's really going on? You're acting really strange lately." I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. My throat constricts, and I feel tears welling up.
"I... I have to go..." I said shutting the door.
I slam the door shut and collapse against it, sliding to the floor. Hot tears spill down my face as I bury my face in my hooves. I can't face her. I can't face anypony. Not after what happened. Memories of that awful night flood back unbidden. The dimly lit alleyway. The heavy, whiskey-laden breath on my neck. The rough hooves pawing at my body as I struggled. I should have fought harder.
I pull myself up off the floor, my heart pounding in my chest. I look around my apartment, feeling the weight of my loneliness. I can't call Ellie back, can't explain what happened. The shame is too much. I change into my comfiest nightshirt and curl up on the couch, trying to lose myself in my favorite book series. But even that doesn't help.
I flip through the pages, trying to focus on the words, but they blur together. I can't stop thinking about what happened. About how I should have done something different. About how I'm now damaged goods. I put the book down, getting up to pour myself a glass of water.
As I stand at the sink, I notice a small, thin knife on the counter, leftover from when I was cutting fruit earlier. My gaze lingers on it, an idea forming in the back of my mind. I pick it up, turning it over in my hoof. It's not much, but it's sharp. I could use it to... no, no, I can't. I put it back down, my hoof shaking.
Just do it...
The thought echoes in my mind. It would make everything go away. The pain, the guilt, the shame - all of it. I slowly bring the blade closer to my hoof.
I hesitate, then drag the knife gently across my hoof. The sting is immediate, but bearable. I draw the knife along my leg again, harder this time. Blood wells up, a sharp red line standing out against my orange coat. The pain grounds me, sharpens my mind, and the overwhelming emotions swirling inside me settle into something simpler, something manageable. I sit in the kitchen chair, watching as the blood drips steadily onto the floor.
I'm not sure what to do next. I know I can't keep cutting myself like this - it's not a solution. But the pain feels... necessary. Like I need to pay for what I did. What I allowed to happen. I set the knife down and grabbed a paper towel, pressing it against the cut to stem the bleeding.
I'm not ready to face the world yet, but I also can't keep doing this to myself.
I clean up the blood, bandage the cut, and curl back up on the couch. The pain from the cut throbs, but it's a dull, manageable ache now. I close my eyes, trying to focus on my breathing. In and out. In and out. I can't keep living like this, but I don't know how to move forward either.
A few hours pass and I hear a knock at my door. I got up from the couch to open it.
Standing on the other side of the door is Flame Flare, her face etched with worry. She takes one look at my hoof and her eyes widen. "Script, what happened?" she asks, her voice laced with concern.
I quickly cover my hoof, trying to hide the bandage on my leg. "Nothing, I just, uh, cut myself while cooking. It's no big deal," I lie, forcing a smile.
Flame Flare frowns, unconvinced. "Script, I know you better than that. You're not the type to just 'cut yourself' like that. What's really going on?" She steps closer, her eyes searching mine.
I take a step back, my heart pounding. I can't tell her the truth. I can't tell anyone. "I told you, it's nothing. I'm fine," I insist, my voice wavering slightly.
Flame Flare's brow furrows with concern. "Script, please. I know something's wrong. You've been distant and withdrawn for weeks now. You barely leave your house, and when you do, you seem... off. Like you're not really here with me." She reaches out, gently grasping my hoof. "I want to help, but I can't if you won't let me in. You don't have to go through this alone."
I pull my hoof away from Flame Flare's grasp, my breathing becoming ragged as panic sets in. "You don't understand. I... I can't..."
Flame Flare's face softens, and she gently places her hoof on my shoulder. "Script, you're shaking. Please, sit down and talk to me." She guides me to the couch, her wings wrapping around me in a protective gesture.
"Flare, I can't... I don't know how to..." I choke out, burying my face in my hooves. Tears begin to stream down my face, and I feel like I can't breathe. The memories of that night come flooding back, and I'm transported right back to the alleyway, to the feeling of his hooves on my body, to the suffocating sense of helplessness.
I'm dimly aware of Flame Flare pulling me into a tight embrace, her wings encircling me protectively. "Shh, it's okay," she whispers soothingly, her breath warm against my ear. "Just breathe with me. In... and out... that's it. You're safe here." Her claws gently stroke my back in a comforting rhythm.
"It's my fault, I should have done something, anything to make it stop..." I sob. I pull away from Flame Flare's embrace, the guilt and shame threatening to drown me. "You don't understand. I was weak, I didn't fight back enough. I deserved what happened."
My words tremble as I say them, my hooves fisting against the couch. Flame Flare's eyes narrow, a fierce protectiveness blazing in their depths. "No. You listen to me, Script. You did not deserve what happened."
I stand up abruptly, my eyes wild. "You don't know what you're talking about, Flare! You weren't there! You didn't see how pathetic I was!" I pace back and forth. "I could have stopped it. I could have fought back. But I didn't. I just... I just laid there and took it."
Flame Flare stands up, her wings spreading wide in a protective stance. "Stop it, right now." Her voice is firm, leaving no room for argument. "You were in a dangerous situation, Script. You did what you had to do to survive. That doesn't make you weak or pathetic - it makes you a survivor." She moves closer, her claws gently grasping my shoulders. "You didn't deserve what happened. No one does."
I glare at my friend. "Just shut up! You don't know how it feels to be raped! You don't know how terrified I was, so just buck off!"
I pull away from Flame Flare's grasp, my breathing coming in short, panicked gasps. I can't do this. I can't face the pity in her eyes, the sympathy. I can't stand to see the way she looks at me, like I'm some fragile, broken thing that needs to be handled with kid gloves. I stumble backwards, my hoof catching on the edge of the rug.
I trip and fall hard, my back slamming against the coffee table with a sickening thud. The air rushes out of my lungs in a painful gasp, and I curl in on myself, clutching my stomach. "Buck," I wheeze, blinking back tears of pain.
Flame Flare rushes to my side, her wings fluttering in distress. "Script! Are you alright? Let me help you up-"
I push her away, my breathing still ragged. "Don't touch me! I don't need your help!" I struggle to sit up, wincing as a sharp pain shoots through my back. Flame Flare kneels beside me, her face etched with concern and fear. "Script, please. Let me get somepony for help. You need help."
I shake my head violently, my mane whipping across my face. "No! I don't need anyone." I stare up at Flame Flare, my eyes wild and desperate. "I can't do this anymore," I choke out, my voice barely above a whisper. "I can't live like this, feeling like this. It's eating me alive from the inside out." I bury my face in my hooves, my body shaking with the force of my sobs. "I just want it to stop. I want the pain to go away."
I shut my eyes tight as tears streamed down my face.
Flame Flare's expression softens with compassion, her wings drooping in sympathy. She kneels beside me, her hoof hovering hesitantly before gently coming to rest on my back.
"Script, I understand this is painful. I can't imagine the anguish you're going through. But shutting yourself away and refusing help will only make things worse in the long run." Her voice is gentle but firm. "You don't have to carry this burden alone."
I stare at my friend, glaring. "Please, just leave me alone to die here..."
I feel a chill run down my spine as I hear those words escape my mouth. The reality of my desperation hits me like a wave, and I realize I've said too much.
Flame Flare's eyes widen in shock, and she recoils slightly, her claw pulling away from my back. She stares at me dumbfounded, unable to find her words.
"Just go... I don't want to make everything worse than it already is..." I muttered.
Flare hesitates for a moment, before walking toward the door slowly. She looks over to me, a look of sympathy in her eyes as she walks out the door.
I stare at the closed door, my heart pounding in my chest. The silence in the house is deafening, broken only by the sound of my ragged breathing. I slowly push myself up off the floor, wincing as a fresh wave of pain shoots through my back. I stumble over to the couch, collapsing onto it with a groan. I bury my face in my hooves, my body shaking with the force of my sobs.
Author's Note
I do have the whole story written out already, just need to edit it. So expect frequent updates I guess?
Welcome To The Panic Room
I pulled the covers over my head, moping. The gentle snowfall outside only served as a stark reminder of how isolated and alone I felt. My mind wandered back to that fateful night several months ago. I felt the familiar knot of anxiety tighten in my stomach. I curled up tighter under the blanket, wishing I could just disappear. A knock at the door jolted me from my thoughts. I ignored it, hoping whoever it was would go away.
I hear Lily's voice, muffled by the blanket, "Script, are you okay in there? Can I come in?" I don't respond. I don't move. I just want to be left alone. The knocking stops, and I hear her footsteps retreating. I let out a sigh of relief, but it was short-lived.
I hear the door creak open, and Lily's voice echoes through the room, "Script, I'm coming in. Please talk to me."
I stay still, buried under the blanket, but I can't block out the sound of her hooves clopping on the wooden floor as she approaches. She pulls the blanket back, and I'm exposed to the cold air and her worried gaze.
"Let's go to Sugar Cube Corner and get some cupcakes, alright?"
I stared at the ceiling, my mind blank and my body stiff. I couldn't bring myself to respond or even look at her. Lily sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Script, I know something's wrong. You've been withdrawing from everyone for months now. Please, talk to me."
I finally turned my head to look at her, tears welling up. "I can't, Lily. I just can't."
"What do you mean, you can't? I'm here for you, always." Lily's eyes searched mine with concern. She gently placed a hoof on my shoulder. "We all are. Your friends care about you."
I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut against the tears threatening to spill. "I don't... I can't be around you guys right now. I need space."
"But why? You can tell me anything, Script. I'm not going anywhere., and I won't take no for an answer, so get out of bed."
Lily gently tugged on my blanket, her blue mane swaying with the motion. I finally rolled out of bed, feeling the cold floor against my bandaged hooves. My mind was still heavy, and my thoughts were consumed by the memories of that night. Lily looked at me, her brow furrowed with concern.
"Script, what happened to your hooves?"
I looked down at my bandaged hooves, my voice barely above a whisper. "It's nothing, just a... a little accident." I tried to brush it off, but Lily wasn't having it. She grabbed my hoof gently, careful not to hurt me.
"Script, this isn't nothing. These bandages are fresh. What happened?"
I pulled my hoof away, wrapping my arms around myself. "I said it was an accident."
Lily sighed, her brow furrowed in concern. "Script, you can't keep this up. It's been months, and you're getting worse. You're not just avoiding us; you're hurting yourself." She gently took my hoof again, this time more firmly. "I know what you're doing, and it needs to stop. Now."
I tried to pull away, but Lily held on, her grip steady. I looked into her eyes, feeling a mix of anger and fear surge within me.
"You don't know anything, Lily!" I snapped, my voice shaking. "You think you understand, but you don't. You can't." I pulled my hoof away again, this time with more force. "Just leave me alone, okay? I need to be alone." Lily's eyes softened, and she let go of my hoof.
"Okay, I hear you, Script. But I'm not going to abandon you. If you don't want to talk about it now, that's fine. But I'm here when you do." She stood up. "I'm going to go get some fresh cupcakes, you can join me if you’d like."
"Fine..." I grumble as I get out of bed.
I stood in the doorway of Sugar Cube Corner, watching Lily inside as she chatted with Pinkie. My heart pounded in my chest, and I felt dizzy. The world around me seemed to blur, and I stumbled backwards, catching myself against the wall. I was having a panic attack.
My breathing came in short, ragged gasps, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I turned and ran, stumbling down the street as fast as I could.
I stumbled through the streets of Ponyville, my breathing ragged and my vision blurring. The panic attack was overwhelming, and I couldn't focus on anything other than the pounding of my own heart. I finally collapsed against a tree, sliding to the ground and wrapping my hooves around myself. Tears streamed down my face, and I gasped for air.
"Script? What's wrong?" I heard Lily's voice, and I looked up to see her running towards me.
I stared at Lily, my breathing still ragged and my vision blurred with tears. I couldn't find the words to explain what was happening to me. The panic attack had left me feeling weak and vulnerable, and I didn't want Lily to see me like this. I tried to stand up, but my legs were shaking too much.
Lily was by my side in an instant, her hoof gently resting on my shoulder. "Script, talk to me. What's going on?"
I couldn't bring myself to look at Lily, my eyes fixed on the ground. I took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to calm my racing heart. "I... I can't do this, Lily. I can't be around anyone right now. I just... I need to be alone." My voice cracked, and I felt fresh tears welling up in my eyes. I pushed myself to my hooves, stumbling slightly as I tried to step away from Lily.
Lilly grabs me by the hoof. I turn around to look at her.
Lily's grip on my hoof was firm, her eyes searching mine with a fierce intensity.
"No, Script. I won't let you run away from this anymore." Her voice was low and urgent, her body tense with barely contained emotion. I tried to pull away, but Lily held on, matching my strength hoof for hoof.
"Lily, please, I can't..." My words trailed off into a strangled sob.
Lily's grip on my hoof tightened, her dark blue magenta mane swaying as she shook her head.
"Script, you're not alone in this. You've been alone long enough. I see you, and I know what you're going through. You can't keep hiding from it." She took a deep breath, her eyes never leaving mine. "I know this is hard, but you can't keep pushing everyone away. You need help, and I'm here to give it to you. I'm not going to let you suffer alone anymore."
Tears continued to stream down my face, but I couldn't find the strength to pull away from her. "I..."
I started, but my words caught in my throat. Lily's grip on my hoof was firm but not painful, and her presence was comforting even as I wanted to run away. She looked at me, her face etched with concern and resolve.
"It's okay, Script. You don't have to say anything right now. Just... just know that I'm here." She gently tugged me closer, her other hoof coming to rest on my shoulder. "Now, how about those cupcakes?" she said with a reassuring smile.
I stared at Lily, my breathing still shaky and my vision blurred by tears. The mention of cupcakes felt so trivial in the face of the storm raging inside me. I wanted to lash out, to push her away and run until I couldn't run anymore. But the gentle pressure of her hoof on mine, the steadiness of her gaze, it all anchored me in place. I took a shuddering breath, feeling the tightness in my chest slowly easing.
"Lily..." I managed to whisper. "I... I don't know if I can. The thought of being around other ponies right now... it's too much." I felt a fresh wave of anxiety building inside me, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push it back.
Lily's grip on my hoof loosened slightly, but she didn't let go. "I understand, Script. But you can't stay like this forever."
I took another deep breath, trying to steady myself. Lily was right, I knew that. I couldn't keep running from this forever. But the thought of facing it, of confronting what had happened to me, was terrifying.
I opened my eyes, looking at Lily. Her face was soft, her eyes filled with understanding and support. She gave my hoof a gentle squeeze. "Come on, let's just go."
I nod, my breathing finally starting to regulate. Lily releases my hoof, but her presence is reassuring, and I feel a little less alone. She steps back, giving me space, and I follow her lead, walking alongside her through the streets of Ponyville.
The air is crisp, and the snow crunches under our hooves, but it's a comforting sound now, not a trigger.
Sugar Cube Corner is bustling with activity when we arrive. Lily leads me to a small table in the corner, away from the crowds. She gestures for me to sit, and I oblige, sinking into the soft cushioned chair.
Lily orders for us both, and I'm grateful for the lack of decision-making, my mind still fuzzy from the panic attack. As we wait for our cupcakes, Lily looks at me, her expression soft.
"I'm glad you decided to come, Script. I know it wasn't easy." Her hoof reaches across the table, resting gently on mine. "Thank you for being here with me."
I look down at Lily's hoof resting on mine, feeling a warmth spread through me at her touch. I take a deep breath, my gaze still fixed on our hooves. "I... I didn't really have a choice, did I?" I say softly, a small smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. "You wouldn't let me say no." I glance up at Lily, catching her eye.
Lily chuckles softly, her hoof giving mine a gentle squeeze. "You're right, I didn't. But I'm glad I didn't let you off the hook." Her eyes twinkle with a mix of amusement. "Sometimes we all need a little push to get out of our own heads."
I nod, feeling a warmth spread through me at her words. The tension in my shoulders starts to ease.
"Lily, your order is ready!" Pinkie announced.
I glance up at Pinkie, my gaze drifting to the tray of cupcakes she's holding. The sweet, sugary aroma wafts towards me, and I feel a sudden surge of hunger. It's been a while since I've had a proper meal, and the thought of sinking my teeth into a soft, fluffy cupcake is suddenly very appealing.
"Thank you, Pinkie," Lily says, her hoof still resting on mine.
Pinkie sets the tray of cupcakes on the table with a flourish, her grin wide and infectious. "Enjoy, you two! And don't forget to share!" She winks at us before bouncing off to help another customer.
Lily's hoof gives mine one last gentle squeeze before she reaches for a cupcake, offering it to me with a warm smile. "Here, Script. I think you need this more than I do right now."
Welcome To The Panic Room
I open my eyes, finding myself surrounded by darkness. I look around, trying to find anything familiar.
"Hello?" I whimper. "Is anypony there?" That's when I heard a deep menicing chuckle. My eyes opened wide with fear.
I watched the dark void around me change it's shape into the alleyway. My breathing became ragged, and my heart pounded in my chest. I was completely alone, with no way to escape the suffocating silence.
Suddenly, a voice, deep and menacing, reverberated through the darkness. "So, we meet again?"
I spun around, trying to find the source of the voice, but I could see nothing. "Who are you?" I squeak, my voice barely audible. The voice seems to come from everywhere and nowhere. "What do you mean you're what's left of my memory of... Of that monster ?"
The darkness seems to laugh again, the sound echoing through the void. "You could say that I'm your inner demon," it replies. "I am the Angel of Darkness, the embodiment of your pain, your fear, your suffering. I am what you tried to bury, what you tried to forget."
The darkness thickens around me, pressing in on all sides. "But I can't be forgotten, little flower. I am a part of you, as much as your own soul."
I feel a cold hoof on my shoulder, and I whirl around to face the source. "What do you want from me?" I ask, my words shaking with fear.
Angel of Darkness coalesces into a tall, imposing figure—a short cut up mane with dark, blood-red eyes. "What do I want?" Angel chuckles darkly. "What I want is to remind you of what you truly are. To make you face the darkness within yourself, to embrace it, to become it."
Suddenly, she sprouts wings out of her sides, casting a shadow that swallows the space around us. "You think you can escape your past, flower? But it's always there, waiting to claim you." Angel's face draws closer, her eyes boring into mine.
"And what if I don't want to face it? What if I want to forget it ever happened?" I whisper, my voice barely audible.
Angel of Darkness throws her head back and laughs, the sound harsh and grating. "Forget? Oh, you naive little creature. You can't forget something that's been etched into your very soul. It's a part of you, just as much as your mane, your coat, your very being."
The darkness seems to press in around me, suffocating and all-encompassing. I can feel the weight of Angel's words, the truth in them sinking into my very bones. I try to step back, to put some distance between myself and this terrifying apparition, but there's nowhere to go. The void is everywhere, and Angel is everywhere with it.
She looms closer, her presence becoming more oppressive. "But perhaps you don't need to forget. Perhaps you need to understand. To accept. To... embrace." Her words drip with malice, each one sending a chill through my body. "You can't run from me, flower. I am a part of you, just as much as your own shadow."
I stand frozen, my body shaking uncontrollably as Angel looms before me. Her presence is overwhelming, her dark aura suffocating the space around us. I can feel her malice pressing against me, threatening to consume me entirely.
"You can't escape me, flower," she says, her words dripping with malice. "I am the darkness that lives within you, the pain that you've tried so hard to bury. But I can't be buried. The only way to get rid of me, is to die..."
I stare at Angel, my body trembling uncontrollably. The weight of her words presses down on me like a physical force, threatening to crush me entirely. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. I'm paralyzed by fear, by the sheer, overwhelming presence of this demon that has sprung from the darkest recesses of my own mind. Angel seems to sense my paralysis, and a cruel smile spreads across her face.
She reaches out with one hoof, slowly, deliberately, and traces it along the length of my spine. I shudder at the contact, a chill running through me at the gentle, almost affectionate touch.
"Poor little Script," she murmurs, her voice dripping with mock sympathy. "So scared, so fragile. So...broken." Her hoof moves lower, coming to rest at the base of my tail. "And yet, here you are," Angel purrs, her hoof beginning to move in slow, deliberate circles. "Facing me, the embodiment of your darkest fears and desires. Doesn't that say something about you, flower?"
I bite my lip, trying to stifle a whimper as Angel's hoof continues its sensual ministrations. I can feel a strange, conflicting heat rising within me, even as my fear continues to mount. "I..."
I manage to whisper, my voice barely audible. "I don't want this. I don't want to die..." My body is rigid, every muscle tensed, ready to flee, but there's nowhere to go.
Angel chuckles darkly, her hoof never ceasing its slow, maddening circles. "Oh, but you do, little one. You just don't know it yet." She moves closer, her hot breath tickling my ear as she whispers. "The pain, the fear, the... pleasure. It's all part of you. You can't escape it, no matter how hard you try."
I feel a sharp pain in my side as Angel’s hoof digs into my flesh, drawing a gasp from me. "You can't fight this, flower," she growls, her voice a low rumble. "You can't fight what's inside you. You can't fight me." I grit my teeth, trying to hold back a scream. The pain is intense, but it's not the worst part.
I can feel the warmth of my own blood trickling down my side, the metallic scent filling the air. I'm panting now, my body on the edge of panic. I try to move away from Angel's touch, but she's too fast, too strong. Her other hoof grabs my shoulder, pinning me in place. "Look at me, little one," she demands, her voice like thunder.
I force my eyes open, meeting Angel of Darkness's burning gaze. Her eyes are no longer just dark, but swirling with a vortex of shadows and light, drawing me in. "The only way to get rid of the pain, to get rid of me, is suicide. Suicide is the only answer..."
I feel my heart race even faster, my breath coming in short gasps. "No," I manage to choke out, despite the pain radiating from my side. "I won't do it. I won't give in."
Angel smiles, but it's a cruel, twisted smile. "You think you have a choice?" she asks, her voice a low hiss. She leans in closer, her breath hot on my face.
I stare into the swirling abyss of Angel’s eyes, my heart pounding so hard I think it might burst from my chest. The pain in my side is excruciating, but it's nothing compared to the sheer terror coursing through my veins. I can't look away from those hypnotic eyes, can't break the connection that seems to hold me in place.
"No," I whisper again, my voice barely audible over the roaring in my ears.
Angel laughs, a harsh and grating sound that echoes through the void. "You think you have the strength to resist me, flower?" she sneers. "You're wrong. You're weak. You're pathetic. And you will give in." Her hoof tightens on my shoulder, the pressure almost unbearable. I can feel the bones grinding together, the pain radiating outwards.
But the pain is secondary now. My focus is locked on those swirling eyes, that abyssal darkness pulling me in, threatening to consume me entirely.
"No," I manage to force out, despite the pressure building in my head and the agony in my body. "I... I won't..." The words come out strained, barely a whisper. "I won't..."
Angel’s face inches closer, her malice becoming almost physical. "Yes, you will."
I stare into the abyss of Angel's swirling eyes, my heart hammering wildly against my ribs. The pain radiating from my wounded side is blinding, but it's the sheer, crushing weight of despair emanating from the demon that threatens to break me entirely.
"No," I croak, barely able to force the word past my clenched teeth. My body trembles violently, every muscle locked in place by the force of my resistance. "I won't..."
The words die on my lips as Angel’s hoof digs deeper into my shoulder, her grip tightening to a point of absolute agony. Her other hoof traces a searing path along my back, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.
"You will give in," she hisses, her words a promise and a threat. "It's only a matter of time."
I grit my teeth, a whimper of pain escaping me as I shake my head violently. "N-no." I can't hold back any longer.
A scream rips from my throat, a raw, primal sound that echoes through the void. My body convulses, every muscle tensing as I struggle against Angel‘s hold. I can't break free, but I can't give in either. Not yet. Not ever. Angel sneers, her grip tightening even further.
"Your resistance is admirable, little one," she says, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "But it won't last." Her hoof on my shoulder moves, the pressure shifting to a new, more excruciating angle. I can feel the bone starting to crack under the immense pressure.
"Your body is failing you. Your mind is fracturing. You can't maintain this for long." I try to shake my head again, but the pain is too intense.
I can only manage a strangled gasp. My vision blurs, dark spots dancing at the edges as I struggle to stay conscious. The void around us seems to pulse and writhe, the shadows twisting and writhing like living things. Angel’s presence grows stronger, more oppressive, as if she's feeding on my pain and fear.
"Your time is running out, little flower," she hisses, her words echoing in my mind.
The void around me grows darker, more oppressive. My body is pushed to its limit, the agony in my side and shoulder reaching a fever pitch. Angel’s eyes swirl with an inky darkness, pulling me deeper into the abyss of despair.
I try to speak again, to refuse her, but no sound emerges from my clenched teeth. The pressure on my shoulder increases, and I feel a sharp, sickening pop as the bone finally gives way. Pain explodes through my shoulder, a blinding, agonizing wave that threatens to drown me.
I scream, a raw, helpless sound that echoes through the void. My vision swims, the darkness closing in as I teeter on the edge of unconsciousness. Angel looms over me, her eyes like twin suns of malevolence, burning into my soul. "There."
Her voice is cold and merciless. "That's it. Give in. Let the darkness take you."
I can feel the oppressive weight of her presence bearing down on me, the void around us growing darker and more suffocating. My body shakes violently, every muscle tensed against the agony and despair. The pain in my side and shoulder is overwhelming, threatening to consume me entirely.
I'm on the brink, teetering on the edge of oblivion. Angel’s words echo in my mind, their malice a physical force pushing me deeper into the abyss. "Let the darkness take you," she whispers, her voice a sinister lullaby.
I can feel it, the cold, suffocating darkness, beckoning me to surrender.
I stare into the swirling abyss of Angel’s eyes, my heart pounding so hard I think it might burst from my chest. The pain in my side is excruciating, but it's nothing compared to the sheer terror coursing through my veins.
I can't look away from those hypnotic eyes, can't break the connection that seems to hold me in place. "No," I whisper again, my voice barely audible over the roaring in my ears. "No," I repeat, the words weak but determined.
The pressure on my shoulder intensifies, and I cry out as I feel another sharp pop, signaling further damage. Angel’s face is mere inches from mine, her eyes swirling with an endless void. Her breath is cold and heavy against my skin.
"You are mine now," she hisses, her grip tightening once more. "There's no escape."
The void around me pulses and writhes, the shadows growing more defined as Angel’s presence intensifies. Her grip on my shoulder is unrelenting, the broken bone grinding against itself as she applies more pressure.
I can feel the darkness closing in, the oppressive weight of her presence threatening to crush me entirely. My body trembles uncontrollably, every muscle locked in a futile attempt to resist. I feel my eyes grow heavy as the darkness starts to claim me.
My vision swims, the edges blurring as the blackness encroaches. I fight it, desperation clawing at my insides, but my body is betraying me. My heartbeat slows, each thud echoing in my ears like a funeral march. The void around me seems to absorb the sound, swallowing it whole. Angel’s watches, her eyes never leaving mine.
I struggle to keep my eyes open, my body screaming for release from the pain. My breaths come in short, ragged gasps, each one a struggle. The darkness swallows me, inch by inch, despite my attempts to resist. My vision tunnels, the world narrowing down to just Angel’s and the void around us. Her eyes are all I can see, their swirling darkness hypnotic and all-consuming.
Then, everything goes dark…
I wake up, my pillow wet from my tears and my body wracked with pain. I can barely move, my muscles protesting with every twitch. The void is gone, replaced by the walls of my bedroom. I'm lying in a bed. I try to sit up, but a wave of dizziness crashes over me, forcing me to lie back down.
The sun is streaming through my bedroom window, casting a bright square on my quilt. I rub my head, trying to process what had just happened. I'm disoriented, my mind still reeling from the vivid memory. Angel, my internal demon, had almost consumed me in that nightmare. I look around my room, the familiar surroundings helping to ground me. The dream had felt so real, the pain and fear so intense. I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself.
I waited a few minutes for the pain to subside. Once it did, I slowly sit up, pushing the covers aside. I look down at my hooves, raw and red from the self-harm from the night before. I flinch at the sight, but I feel a strange calm wash over me. I slowly stand up, my body protesting the sudden movement, and make my way to the bathroom. I turn on the shower, letting the water heat up as I stare at myself in the mirror.
I step into the shower, the hot water stinging my raw hooves. I wince at the pain but welcome it, almost craving the sensation. As I stand there, letting the water wash over me, I feel a strange sense of clarity wash over me as well. The word "suicide" from my vision echoes in my mind, and I find myself fixating on it. I step out of the shower, wrapping a towel around myself.
I look at my reflection in the steamy bathroom mirror. I stare into my own eyes, searching for an answer, a sign, anything that can tell me what to do. But all I see is a face I hardly recognize anymore.
The eyes that stare back at me are filled with a mixture of pain, desperation, and a strange sort of numbness. I know I need to do something, to change, to find a way out of this darkness I find myself drowning in.
Suicide is the only answer. My mind echos Angel's words.
I turn away from the mirror, my resolve hardening. I know what I need to do. I need to isolate myself, to cut myself off from the world and from those who care about me. I don't want them to see me like this, to see the darkness that has taken hold of me. I don't want them to try and save me, because I'm not sure I want to be saved.
I walk out of the bathroom, my mind made up. I head to my bedroom, walking toward my desk, and grabbed a piece of paper.
I sit down at my desk, the towel still wrapped around me, and pick up a pen. I write a letter, my hoof shaking slightly with each word. Once I had finished writing it, tears were streaming down my face.
I fold the letter carefully, addressing it to my friends. I place it on my nightstand to remind me to sent it before I go to bed tonight.
The thought of them reading it, of the pain it will cause them, fills me with guilt. But I can't bring myself to care anymore. I stand up, my body still aching from the self-harm of the night before.
I walk to my closet and pull out a simple black sweater. I dress quickly, wincing at the pain the fabric causes on my still-raw skin. Once dressed, I look at myself in the full-length mirror. I hardly recognize the pony looking back at me. My once-vibrant magenta and light blue mane now looks dull and lifeless, hanging limply around my face. My dark orange coat, usually so warm and inviting, now appears dull and ashen.
My once bright, hopeful eyes are now sunken and lifeless. I look like a completely different pony from the one I used to be. The person staring back at me in the mirror is someone I no longer recognize. Someone I no longer want to be. I leave my room, the sound of my hooves echoing through the empty apartment. I go to the living room and look out the window at the world outside.
I stand motionless at my window, the cold glass a stark contrast against my skin, as I gaze out at the world beyond my house. The once vibrant snow, now marred by carraige tracks and muddy hoofprints, stretches out before me in a bleak expanse. The laughter and shrieks of the foals as they tumble and play seems to mock me, a cruel reminder of the simple joys I can no longer find.
My mind drifts back to the night before, to the desperate scratching, the tears, the feeling of complete and utter hopelessness that had consumed me. I clench my jaw, trying to push those thoughts away, but they persist, a relentless buzzing in the back of my mind. I look down at my hooves, now covered by the sweater sleeves, but I can still feel the sting, the pain that seems to seep into every fiber of my being.
I hear a knock on my door. I walked over to answer it, finding my friend Ellie.
"Hey, Script! You ready for brunch?"
"Yeah, I was just about to leave," I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Are you sure you're okay, Script?" she asks, her eyes scanning me from head to hoof.
I force a smile, "Yeah, just need a little more time to get ready. Go on ahead, I'll catch up."
She hesitates, then nods, "Alright, we'll wait for you at Sugarcube Corner. Don't take too long."
I close the door behind her, my heart heavy with the weight of my decision. I know I should feel guilty, lying to Ellie like that, but I can't bring myself to care. I need to be alone, to isolate myself from the world and from the friends who only want to help.
I turn away from the door, my hooves clicking against the hardwood floor as I walk back to my bedroom. I sit on the edge of my bed, staring at the letter on my nightstand. The words seem to blur together, and I have to blink several times to focus.
My hooves tremble slightly as I pick up the letter, the paper feeling impossibly light in my grasp. I unfold it, reading the words I had written earlier. The letter is simple, direct, and devoid of any explanation. It will hopefully explain everything, and bring some form of comfort to my friends.
I fold the letter back up, placing it carefully in my pocket. I take a deep breath, steeling myself for what I'm about to do. I walk out of my house, locking the door behind me. I make my way down the steps, my hooves heavy with each step. I step out into the cold, biting wind, the snow crunching beneath my hooves.
I pause, looking at the bustling streets of Ponyville. Everypony seems so happy, so carefree. But to me, they just look like they're living a lie, a charade. I begin walking, not towards Sugarcube Corner where my friends are waiting, but in the opposite direction toward's Lily's house.
I walk through the quiet streets of Ponyville, my hooves sinking into the soft snow with each step. The cold wind whips at my face, but I barely feel it, my mind too consumed by the weight of my decision. I keep my head down, not wanting to make eye contact with anypony I pass. I don't want to have to pretend to be okay, to force a smile and a cheerful greeting.
I arrive at Lily's house, the familiar blue walls and white trim now seeming so foreign. I stand at the door, placed the letter on her doorstep, then walked away back toward my house.
Author's Note
Gonna polish up the story as things go on, I also plan to rewrite the story that takes place after this. (I Don't Want To Be Saved) It's kinda old and it bugs me now. Stay tuned for that!
